There are many times where it seems to be so much easier to just focus on all the things that make us feel undeserving of love. We tell ourselves:
"I am flawed and damaged. I have made many mistakes and countless bad choices. I have so many things wrong with me, so many issues, and so many problems. I have hurt those around me and people I care about. I have hurt myself. I am unfix-able and broken. How can anyone love me?"
We drown in these thoughts because there are so many more ways that these reminders can present themselves. There are the physical and emotional scars, aches, and pains. There are wastebaskets full of tear-soaked tissues. There are sleepless nights and nights filled with nightmares and terrors. There are flavorless meals and empty interactions. There is the life that isn’t being lived.
But there are no scars for happiness. No aches to remind us of times filled with joy and success. Nothing that wakes us in the middle of the night to tell us that we have experienced beauty in living.
So we ask for love. If we have love, then these scars, those aches, the pain, they will all go away. We ask for love and we search for those who could give it to us. We search. And when we don’t find that someone to give it, we return to the inner-dialogue. We tell ourselves:
"See? I was right. How can anyone love me when I am completely unlovable?"
It seems, at times, that the hardest love to receive, yet is most readily available, is the love we can give to ourselves. The idea that the only love we are allowed to receive is the love from others is a lie.
Who will love you? You can love you.
We are told that self-love is indulgent, conceited, and serves our vanity. We are told that we are not allowed to love ourselves because it would make us selfish. We are made to feel guilty for giving the gift of love to ourselves. We are made to believe that all our love must be exhausted on others because our love is in limited supply. We are made to accept that we must depend on the love from others.
While it is true there are no scars for happiness, YOU can be the one to remind yourself of your strength, your beauty, your dreams. You can be the source of your own love, your own happiness. Allow yourself to admit to all the things that make you wonderful. Go ahead. Tell yourself that you are awesome. Brilliant. Full of potential and capable of anything. Don’t be afraid to follow your ambitions. They are YOUR aspirations, not anyone else’s. Write yourself a love letter. Slap yourself in the face and wake up to the fact that you are the love that you need in your life.
Like anything, it takes practice. Negative thoughts get in the way. Those familiar scars will try to swell and distract you. Memories and mistakes may haunt you. Don’t ignore them. Acknowledge their presence. Then, when you have learned absolutely everything possible from those moments in time, release them.
You are on your way to letting yourself into your own heart.
