[kelpforrest]

[punkrock-bottom]

If you stay up late to hang out with friends I don’t think you should have to be tired in the morning. I think it should be a freebie

[tastylemonbread]

[the-frightening-ghoul]

‎

[pathetic-floretic]

What people think BDSM is like:

Dom: lets try this new kink called i will shoot you with a gun. Here we go

Sub: what

What BDSM is actually like

Sub: lets try this new kink called you will shoot me with a gun. Here we go

Dom: what

Sub: please

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[tagfer]

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

[heronbrew]

Hey op google what LCD stands for

[tagfer]

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

[caspercryptid]

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

[maykitz]

our fates are entwined whether you like it or not you stupid bastard

[failchild]

[swampgallows]

[voyagers-stone]

btw if youre young and scared of doing adult things without your parents ive learned that like 90% of the time you can just tell the doctors office or the dmv "haha sorry ive never done this without help before... can you show me how to do this?" the employee will not care. if that means anything to you

[liopleurodean]

literally walked up to a desk in the courthouse, said "is this where I register a car or is it the next one?" and she said it was the next one. and the lady at the next desk helped me. it feels embarrassing but I promise you can just ask

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

One of the most important lessons I learned in customer service is that no matter how much help you need, as long as you're nice about it, you won't even crack the top five of worst customers they've had to deal with that day. I will walk an old lady through every step on that pin pad with a smile as long as she's polite, because two calls ago I had to deal with someone screaming about politics for 45 fucking minutes because I wasn't allowed to hang up on him.

Everyone has their first time doing something, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has dumb moments, and as long as you're choosing kindness I'll just laugh it off and help out. Because no matter how dumb you think you are, there was already someone who was just as dumb but was determined to ruin my day over it.

[kosmogrl]

[heedra]

if i couldn't have any of the obvious first choice superpowers i would want my power to be the power of i can go anywhere and its not a problem. the way this power would work is that as long as im peaceful and respectful i can go anywhere and nobody will see it as weird or see me as a target for hostility. i can walk into a cool house to politely peep the decor or walk into a tall office building to politely peep the decor or walk around a city at night alone to politely peep the decor or walk into a strange facility to politely peep the decor or walk onto a plane and ride the plane to its destination and then walk around there to politely peep the decor and its fine as long as im chill. no need to make me faster or anything i can just walk at a normal pace. its good for the soul.

[funny-tik-toks]

[multifandomhoodies]

Mutuals can have my home address before discord can have my ID

[waepenwifestre]

mike’s hard past couple of months

[beaft]

google help me

[beaft]

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

[beaft]

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

[beaft]

this too is a kingism

[beaft]

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

[beaft]

i'm starting a collection

[mikkeneko]

[ralfmaximus]

Adding ROOTY TOOT TOOT to my bedroom talk repertoire

[catboybiologist]

It is, quite literally, the cocaine, and King himself has said that openly

[anything-thats-rock-and-roll]

Every so often @sapphic-corgi will send me an absolutely unhinged dm with zero context and I have learned, at this point, to identify immediately and with unerring accuracy: “oh, this is a sentence from a Stephen King novel”

[ralfmaximus]

..could we make this a mailing list or something?

[angel-derangement]

they put pussy in the water supply to keep the lesbians healthy

ⓘ Fact Check

There are currently no jurisdictions worldwide that mandate the addition of pussy to drinking water, nor have any clinical trials shown that the addition of pussy to drinking water has any significant effect on the heath of lesbians.

For more information on Tumblr Fact Check or to report inaccuracy, please see our reports page.

[angel-derangement]

idk why but they buried the option to turn this feature off - but you can find it if you go to the FAQ.

[tforthetea]

WHY DID THEY NEED TO CLAIRIFY THAT

[phyrexian-lootbug]

Tumblr has fact checking?

[tforthetea]

apparently???

[angel-derangement]

yeah it’s new :/ they announced it on the staff blog here

[idkwhatthisisbutheresdcandstuff]

HUH?????

Why did I find this out in a shit post about pussy and lesbians?????

[angel-derangement]

have you got notifications on for announcements? you can find the setting here if not