Kelsey @kelsdawg17 - Tumblr Blog

culturistjack-deactivated201804

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.

olisaurusrex

I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs

ready when you are

thattallsummonerguy

Or if you’d like to have some more options….

I’m 6’4” 228 pounds and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football. Just in case you are looking for variety.

wontbeafraid-deactivated2014041

what about a lady and a feminist. warning, combatives certified soldier.

nevergenders

im tiny, i’m like 5′4 and 130 lbs but u can fight me too

scumbagsblog

Reblogging for the last one cuz that’s adorable

likeits1995

SO PROUD

ghost--ranger

The Fantastic 4 we deserve

crimezi

OMG IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREEN SHOTS

stars-for-thought

We will all protect the small one.

shencomix

We go forward.

hold-a-lover-close-blog-deactiv

This is too deep to comprehend.

haleepls

Stop it

alltheselittlevoices

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUNNY

hello-nice-to-misha

:(((((

sexemulators

highlandvalley

stachionalgeographic

YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR ANYWAY

Bruh

Omg

GOOD FUCKIN BYE

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out.

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

fidefortitude-deactivated202011

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

ventrue

sometimes if you squint hard enough there are individual coherent sentences

libraford

Okay, so here’s the story about the pumpkins:

My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins.

So they’re cleaning up at the end of it and we’re still hanging out because we haven’t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin.

“Take one.”

“Um… okay?”

“Take another.”

“….?”

“It is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.”

So it turns out that she’d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins.

So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault.

So everyone left with at least two tiny pumpkins and that’s how we made friends with the Maid of Honor.

libraford

So I forgot about it and then the next morning I woke up and found these two tiny pumpkins in my purse and had a puzzling moment of ‘what?’

libraford

We were invited to the Maid of Honor’s house the other day so we could:

take some of the flowers off her hands

help with some post-wedding stuff

watch the presidential debate

play Clue for like three hours

drink a lot of booze.

And there are just… tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.

They were in the bathroom.

At the end of the night, I counted 26 tiny pumpkins, and that was just what I could see.

libraford

It happened again.

Three pumpkins ended up in my purse this time.

One of them has a face.

I need to stop drinking with this woman.

teatreefox

THIS POST HAS ME DYIN

kaliforhnia

novelconcepts

Repeat after me, kids: your significant other liking multiple genders does nothing to invalidate the fact that they like you best.

int0themidnightsun

It simply means that they could have chosen literally anyone on earth, regardless of gender, and yet they still picked you.

jaxgreen

This is really important.

thehobbutts

these are colorblind glasses. im about to take a walk around the neighborhood and experience colors like normal people. wish me luck, updates to come.

thehobbutts

the trees. holy shit the trees. theyre different colors. like, a million different colors

thehobbutts

grass….. it looks so soft… so green…

thehobbutts

after laying in the grass for about an hour staring at the autumn leaves and laughing at how blue the sky is, i have some insight to share:

why the fuck do you people buy red cars like i had no idea how bright and obnoxious they looked

there are BERRIES on the trees. like bright red. id never noticed them because they blended in. a new problem has arisen now: how the fuck do you people keep yourselves from trying to eat them they’re so tempting looking

the fallen leaves are so beautiful and colorful and you all are heathens for stepping on them just to hear the crunchy sound they make

thehobbutts

rainbows. let me tell you about rainbows. i see rainbows as various shades of brown and yellow, plus some blue. vaguely purple.

a few days ago, i saw a rainbow in these glasses. it had just finished raining and then the sun came out, and my friend and i scrambled out the door.

i saw green. red. orange. real, actual violet.

i cried. i cried so hard. i saw every color - something i never thought would happen in my life. imagine living your life without knowing something so beautiful exists, and all of a sudden it appears before your eyes. theres no way to prepare for it. the rainbow only lasted for five minutes before it disappeared, but every with second i stood there i became more amazed at how beautiful this world actually is, i just had no idea.