I apologize for my cringe writing style and if I get any translations wrong or written something offensive but please just enjoy!
After I had uploaded my letter. I scooted my chair back towards my window as the fireworks sparkled and fell down. Red, yellow, blue.. all kinds of colours.
I took one long sip from my berry smoothie.
With my other hand I twiddled with my hair. It had gotten awfully long. Where had I gone? I wanted to be a paramedic.. but now Im a hobo looking trash bag probably who is gonna end it all because of Minecraft. How amusing.
I felt my head tearing apart.
Destroying two minds to destroy one.
At least everything is finally quiet.
Even in one's last minutes. Humans are granted a moment of peace.
Even with everything that happened. Every failure. Just drifted. I find myself.. unworried. I'm sure. In the next life. It'll end up better.
Avery. Where will you go when I'm dead?
Will my soul wait until you follow? Will we be bonded that way? Or was this just a brief moment of content.
I tapped my fingers against the black wooden desk.
I leaned back on my leather office chair. It wasn't the comfiest but it did the trick.
I smelt my arm pits and coughed and winced at the oder. But it makes sense. Sweating in this dirty grey hoodie for who knows how long I've been in this chair for. Would of course make it smell bad.
I wonder. What they will dress me in, at the funeral. Maybe a black suit with a red tie or a white suit with a purple tie. Of course my family would only have the prestigious clothes for me once I'm dead.
I have my reasons in the past for why I don't mind if I die and that I'm not losing anything.
But I won't get into that.
I've pushed Avery away. With resources, Of reassurance of course.
Yet I still cry at the sight.
Fireworks. They truly are a beauty, a spark that dies out twinkling.
Avery. Are you seeing these as well?
I'll cry enough for the both of us.
You know it's weird writing a final letter. Almost as if I have to come to terms with... Whatever this is. Which is something I find quite displeasurable. But here I am. Why did I even record all this? I don't know. Well I do know. I just don't want to be forgotten. My head hurts like hell. I can feel myself slipping as we become one. And my mind becomes a prison. What a true shame it is. All the knowledge in the world and no way to use it. That's how it should be I suppose.
We stumbled into a world we have no business in. This is just the cost.
Please don't think you failed, Avery. When you read this, don't think you let me down. You didn't. It's thanks to you, and all that you did, that millions live to see another day.
And thanks to you, I got a chance to see all the beauty of the universe. Things I never even knew were in the world. Or could be. A chance no human will ever get again. I'm grateful that I saw it all. Even if it was just for a little.
You're capable of great things. You'll do great things. So believe in yourself. And I don't just say that because I saw it. It doesn't take a God for me to figure that out. I know it because I know you. Goodbye my friend.
Whatever you do at the crossroads. Keep going forward.
(I was never really good at endings.)
It would be five months from the time he wrote that letter. I guess I've been struggling. Minecraft helps. Playing online with others. But it's not the same.. It feels like more of a chore to stay human and normal rather than make me happy. I've been happy tons of times before.. well everything that happened. But.. moments during everything were scary, traumatic. But I also had a rush of fun, a rush of happiness. Maybe I just wanna experience it again or maybe it was Derek. Maybe I could, maybe this or maybe that. I can't find home, maybe I can't live with the idea that Derek is dead. Maybe it was a hoax. I never saw it. I'd never know, I could just keep saying maybe and dig into theories that could ruin me or live, find someone to love, get back outside. Step out of this room.
I got up from my desk. Closing the tab on my computer. My desk chair now empty, myself standing at my white blank painted door, the silver knob on the door feeling impossible to twist.
Sweating and hyperventilating, I forced myself to turn the goddamn knob and suck it up.
Once I opened the door my sister dropped her plate she was bringing to her room.
βAvery- your- it's nice to see you up.β She looked terrified to scare me back into my room. Like if she said one word wrong or acted shocked, shut the door and lock it. Again. βMn. Yeah.β
I asked simply. Straight to the point.
βI think down in the fridge. We also got some smoothies this morning. Me and mom. We got you one; it's in the fridge as well.β My sister said, dragging the conversation again. I suppose that's normal though I haven't talked to anyone face to face in five months. Not since before New Year's Eve. I had brought a plate of nachos into my room to eat and play Minecraft that night. I waved bye to my family and said I'd see them at the new year and closed my door.
I didn't know that I'd be ripped off my happiness that night.
Coming to terms with the fact I'm losing myself. That's what they want.
No way I'm admitting that because that means. Everything that.. Derek did. Keeping myself.. myself everything he tried is worth nothing.
I'm so sick of everyone⦠I just don't know why. I should be happy. I quit college. I sit in my room all day playing Minecraft and sleeping. People would kill for that relaxation.
But.. I didn't.. I don't.. I wouldn't.
Maybe I should've been the one whose mind was ripped apart
Maybe I could've done something better
Maybe I wouldn't had been so stupid to fall for βwhat's in your inventoryβ
βHoney you're just.. standing there are you okay?β
My mother asked, holding my shoulder. Snapping me out of my thoughts
βYeah I'm fine..β I looked down at my feet and went down the carpet stairs to the kitchen.
My feet felt the cold marble once I stepped off the stairs and into the kitchen.
It felt unnatural. Perhaps I have been spending too much time playing Minecraft to really just do normal stuff.
What was it that I was down here for?.. milk. But there is a smoothie in the fridge as well.
Which one do I take? A slush full of fruits that I probably won't like or a cup of milkβ¦
I might as well just take the smoothie. So they don't worry. Such a hassle.
I popped off the lid of the smoothie and gulped it down.
The taste of berries that I couldn't care less about filling my mouth.
Familiar. Being full of something you couldn't care about.
Full of life. How do you care for life? How did I do it?.. I could spend hours wondering. But not hours trying. That's my truth.
Life isn't worth it. And I couldn't care less for millions of others. Just me and Derek would've been fine. Online playing. He wouldn't have to get up and meet me. I could show up to his house. Take care of him. Let him be able to live. Find a way for him. A path for him.
But he.. sacrificed himself for me and some random strangers who will never know what he did cause I'll sound insane if I say anything. Sure the whole world was depending on decisions in a MINECRAFT WORLD.
Oh dear Derek. How could I ever forget you. You truly believed I'd forget it all didn't you? I wish I could live up to what you wanted. But I might just end up against a rope if I push myself to that.
I dumped the empty smoothie cup into the trash and went back up the stairs. Feeling the texture change on my feet.
I went into my room, closed the door and locked it.
The calendar still sat on new years eve.
I opened up a new tab on my computer as I sat down in my old black leather office chair again.
A reply of fireworks all over the world from each new year's Eve from everywhere on the earth. From Ohio to Okinawa in Japan. Maybe I keep myself in a cycle of new year's Eve. But it's the day I met my happiness and lost it in 15 hours..
I checked the letter again.
I sighed deeply and opened the document
You know it's weird writing a final letter. Almost as if I have to come to terms with... Whatever this is. Which is something I find quite displeasurable. But here I am. Why did I even record all this? I don't know. Well I do know. I just don't want to be forgotten. My head hurts like hell. I can feel myself slipping as we become one. And my mind becomes a prison. What a true shame it is. All the knowledge in the world and no way to use it. That's how it should be I suppose.
We stumbled into a world we have no business in. This is just the cost.
Please don't think you failed, Avery. When you read this, don't think you let me down. You didn't. It's thanks to you, and all that you did, that millions live to see another day.
And thanks to you, I got a chance to see all the beauty of the universe. Things I never even knew were in the world. Or could be. A chance no human will ever get again. I'm grateful that I saw it all. Even if it was just for a little.
You're capable of great things. You'll do great things. So believe in yourself. And I don't just say that because I saw it. It doesn't take a God for me to figure that out. I know it because I know you. Goodbye my friend.
Whatever you do at the crossroads. Keep going forward.
(I was never really good at endings.)
I scrolled down the document up and down. I banged my head against the laptop. My energy was at an all time low.. I felt hopeless.
There is no way I could find Derek. I didn't have his address or email. And let's be honest I'm not the brightest lightbulb in the shed. I'm not Derek. I'm not smart, I'm not a genius or brilliant. I'm just..
I thought hard about it. Spinning my chair leaned back.
βA professional idiot.β
I picked up the laptop to put it back into its case and saw tape on the bottom.
βIf found please return toββ
βΒ‘De ninguna manera!!β
I instantly took a photo. Ran over to my phone and searched up the address. It was only three hours away from me. Three hours. So close⦠we were so close when- no. Avery calmed down.
Who knows he could've moved by the time he gave the laptop away. But.. there's a chance. And if there's a chance I'll take it.
I rushed down the stairs my mother watching me in my pajamas running out the door
βAvery! ΒΏAdΓ³nde crees que vas??!β She called out pulling her curly hair back into a bun with a concerned face
βI'll be back!β And I shut the door as she scoffed and shook her head βthat wasn't an answer. I swear. Just like his father.β after she had gone back to sweeping
I hopped onto my bike and biked three hours towards the address.
Once I had gotten to the address I abruptly stopped the bike I practically jumped off it and pushed the bike aside and fumbled my way to the door almost tripping. With bursting excitement I knocked on the door.
I heard a squeezing and saw the door open.
I saw a short man with grown out hair and baggy eyes and glasses answer the door. He had a baggy hoodie on with baggy shorts.. but when I looked further down. I realized he wasn't short but actually in a wheelchair.
I let out too fast for comfort.
Interrupting the tension between me and who I presumed was Derek. Was a woman with slicked back hair. That probably used a lot of gel.
She had a nursing outfit on. She looked professional.
βI'm Carly, I'm Derek's caretaker until he gets used to the wheelchair.β
βCarly. Can you go away for a moment?β
Derek fiddled with the wheels. Trying to turn the wheelchair. Clearly struggling. Perhaps one of the wheels was flat or maybe installed wrong?
βUh.. Derek. Can I help push you?β
I knew it was impolite to just move him. I asked just in case he didn't want me to. To be honest I'm just confused.. what happened in the span of what?.. five or six months?
Derek looked up at me. He hesitated and sighed.
And I pushed him through the hallways and into his kitchen.
βYou want an explanation?β
Derek said as he tapped on the sides of his wheelchair.
βWell. There was too much pressure on my brain. And it stopped sending signals to my lower half.β Derek calmly said as he dug the dirt out of the under of his nails.
βSo are you okay? I mean- Derek it's been so long since we've talked- there has to be so much more. Like-β I rambled fidgeting with my thumbs.
βAvery just- wait a minute you're giving me a headache.β Derek put his hand on the temple of his head, and started massaging it.
βYes I'm okay. Just paralyzed for the rest of my life basically. It's not a big deal. And I don't want it to be a big deal. I'm just taking some time to get used to life alright?β
βI know it's been long, you can stay as long as you want. Just.. don't stress about it alright?β
Derek softly smiled at me as if giving some sort of reassurance. I hated how Derek could read me so easily. But I loved how brilliant he was.
βIf that's what you want Derek.β
βSo. How is your training going?β βIs training the right word?β I asked, resting my chin on my hand.
βMy adjustment is going fineβ Derek corrected me
βRight adjustment sorry.β I apologized
βIt's alrightβ he nodded at me
An awkward silence between us
We both tried to interrupt the silence.
I waited for whatever he wanted to talk about.
βAh, uhβ¦ well.β Derek gathered his thoughts.
βI'm sorry.β βSorry that I just.. abandoned you.β he licked his lips taking a moment to breathe.
βIt wasn't the right thing. But I felt. Like everything was so sudden I had to make decisions like.. well you know.β
I was so happy to see Derek alive I didn't.. even focus on what really did happen. All the pain i was going through..
Derek had pushed me and left himself to go through torture to save me and millions of others. Yet I had been so selfish to sit in my own depression..
βNo it's.. fine. I should've.. I shouldn't have been so dumb that day. I was a complete idiot. And I feel like a bastard for just. Waiting for six months rotting in my own depression. I could've.. we could'veβ¦β I trailed off.
βWhat's the point of thinking about what you could've done if you've already done it. Don't give it a single thought. It's okay.β Derek looked into my eyes as if he saw every bit of me.
I fidgeted with my sleeves.
The longer the silence got the more I felt eyes on me.
I took a deep sigh and rested my head on the marble island.
Derek then spoke up βyou can sleep over. I have a guest room or .. in my room.β
His room? βUh sure. Let me let my mother know..β in his house? In his room? Holy shit.
I reached into my pocket to text my mother but realized I left my phone at home
βSo .. ahem. I kindaaa forgot my phone at homeββ Derek slid his phone across the island open up with the call app on screen.
I rang in my mother's number and waited for her to pick up.
βHola mamΓ‘, me quedarΓ© a dormir en casa de una amiga esta noche, ΒΏestΓ‘ bien, sΓ?β I asked my mother, now standing I started tapping my fingers on the island and leaned against it.
I saw Derek's eyes look me up and down from the corner of my eye.
My mother responded suspiciously βΒΏQuiΓ©n es esta amiga Avery?β
βSe llama Derek. Es un tipo genial. IncreΓble. Encantadorββ my mother let out a noise of realization βVale, vale... guΓ‘rdalo para Γ©l, vuelvo enseguida.β And the call ended.
βWell.. I can stay overβ I said, handing his phone back but when I did he was smirking.
βWhats made you so happy?β I asked him
βSo I'm charming hm?β Derek said in a teasing tone.
I had never wanted to disappear more than now.
βI'm not.. sure what your talking aboutβ *fake yawn* I'm tired, you're tired, alright let's go to bed!β
βMhm?~ alright alright..β β¦ βI'm definitely tired.β He said copying my fake yawn.
βSo do you wanna sleep in my room or the guest room?β he asked
βWill you be sleeping next to me?β I slipped up bad.
His bed sheets felt silky.. and cold.. but the heat coming off his body felt so comfortable.. he had fallen asleep so quick..
I reached out my finger towards his lips feeling his breath against my skin.
βAsombroso..β I whispered to myself.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep soon after.
In the morning I woke up and woke up Derek by pushing him with my hands.
βMorningggg-*yawn*β he turned his head towards me.
βMorning.. Can you go call Carly so she can help me get into my wheelchair?β
βCan't I help you?β I questioned.
βYou can try.β He responded.
I got up out of the bed and rolled the wheelchair over and slowly helped Derek get into his wheelchair.
βSee? No need for Carly when you have me!β I proudly said flexing my muscles as Derek looked at me with a scoff
βOh really?β Derek said looking up at me
βI- well-.. only if you wanted that of course.β
βYou know what I want?β Derek smirked.
βYou on top of mββ and Carly walked in.
βAh I see, you've already gotten into your wheelchair today Derek.β she said smiling
But when I looked back at Derek's face his eye was twitching. Did something happen?
βWhat were you saying?β I asked
βNothing, don't worry about itβ Derek brushed his hair out his face.
βAre you sure?β I looked down at him.
He was practically gripping the arm rest on his wheel chair while he looked me up and down
βYep.β Derek confirmed.
βLet's go get some breakfast alright?β βDo you need help pushing your wheelchair?β
Derek nodded no and wheeled himself to the stair lift.
Once we had gotten to the kitchen
I started to cook up some pancakes and noticed a family picture of Derek with a bunch of other kids and two older people.
I picked it up βis this your family?β
Derek wheeled his way over to me and picked up the photo out of my hands.
βYeah, it was from my first lantern festival back in Hong-Kong.β He nodded.
βHong-Kong?β I questioned.
βI'm wasian. My dad is white my mother is Chinese.β
I flipped the pancake on the pan.
βHow was the lantern festival?β I asked
βIt was so long ago.. I don't remember much of it. Just how strict my mother was about my outfit for it.β Derek responded
βReally?β I passed over a plate with pancakes on it to derek
But all of a sudden Derek's phone started to ring. The caller ID name was set as ε¦ε¦.
βδ½ δ»δΉζζοΌι£δΈζ―β¦β¦β derek had this concerned look plastered on his face
βδ½ ε¨εΌη©η¬ε§.β Derek soon finished the call.
βIt's my mom.. my dad. He's.. dying.β
Might be continued I'm not sure.