Blue Valentine (a review)
A story between Dean and Cindy, on how they fell in love and eventually fell out of it while both of them came from dysfunctional families.
The film showcased how the best love story can have the saddest ending. It showed how the perfect encounter of the two lovers ended in such a tragic way. It is beautiful, sweet but also realistically painful and devastating at the same time.
How it started? (SPOILER ALERT)
Dean is a high school dropout. He came from a dysfunctional family. Has a normal job from a removal firm and barely making a decent pay. At first he had, I would say, low expectations in life. He has a lot of potential, quite talented I say, he can play instruments, sing, and draw but somehow he lucks ambition. He looks like someone who hasn’t planned out his life yet. No goals or dreams until he met Cindy. Cindy is an average college girl who clearly have issues herself.
Cindy was ambitious, she wanted to be a doctor but ended up as a nurse at the end. She also came from a dysfunctional home, she witness every time her parents fight. Her trauma in her home has caused her to have commitment issues, having 24 partners even before she met Dean.
Dean may be lazy and hopeless but he was quite romantic in nature. Dean sticks to his ideals and choose to be contented. It was love at first sight that brought Dean and Cindy together. When they first met, he made advances to Cindy but she declines at first, maybe because she just broke up with his ex. They parted ways but fate had crossed their paths once again inside a bus. Dean approached her once again and both had a lovely interaction. They got to know each other through playful banter and sharing each other’s talents.
They were having these moments that they’d wish it would last forever. But every relationships had their own struggles. Cindy got pregnant by his ex-boyfriend. When Dean knew something was wrong, he forced Cindy to admit it. Cindy has a struggle saying how she truly felt. When Dean found out, he was frustrated but then supported Cindy whether she wants to keep it or not. She attempted to have an abortion but immediately stopped soon after. So she decided to keep it. Dean willingly supported her and even suggest that they could be a family even though it was not his child.
Dean never stopped loving Cindy even though her ex-boyfriend beat him up. He loved her so much that he found a song that only to of them can share. He loved her so much that he never left her. Cindy found comfort in Dean and he was probably her only last resort. Both of them got married even though they only known each other in a short amount of time.
Now 6 years later into their marriage, Dean now works a job as a house painter that lets him drink at 8am and Cindy works as a nurse instead of a Doctor she have dreamed to be. Their daughter is now 5 or 6 years old. Dean is a loving father, she’s always there for his daughter even though it was not his. He had nothing but love for his daughter. As for Cindy, she seemed tired and stressed by Dean’s upbringings. Cindy, as she desired the love Dean gave him, she also desires stability.
When their dog died recently, both of them were in pain but who knew it was the breaking point of their marriage. Both of them were upset and Dean’s reaction to get away from all of the pain was to have a night out in a motel and make love.
On their way to their destination, Cindy met her ex in the groceries. He ask how she is and she just went with it. Cindy talked about the interaction with Dean later on. Dean got upset and asked more question. Cindy tried to reassure him so he wont get the wrong idea but he retaliated negatively.
Finally they got into the hotel. Dean once again tried to make it all fun. He tried to make love with Cindy in the shower but she reacted indifferently. Dean got disappointed but the two of them started drinking later on.
While they were drinking, Cindy asked Dean what he wants to be and Dean answer was to be a husband and a father to his daughter but Cindy wants more about his potential, when he was a talented person. But Dean just wanted the best for his family and to love them unconditionally. Once again, Cindy was disappointed by his response.
Both of them are now drunk. Dean started doing things but Cindy kept reacting indifferently. Cindy wanted Dean to become cruel towards her but he refused to hurt her because he loves her. Cindy instantly regret her request and ended up locking Dean out of the room. Cindy fell asleep on the bed while dean was outside. When Cindy woke up, she immediately left for work, leaving dean behind.
Dean woke up a little later and went to the hospital his wife was working at. Dean wanted to talk to her but things escalated quickly. They started fighting and go violent. Both of them went outside and Cindy decided that she wants to end things.
Dean threw his ring away out of frustration but he ended up looking for it in the bushes. (this part got me real hurt)
Finally they went home, and Cindy just want to end things, saying that she’s all out of love with Dean. Dean apologizes and kept on begging Cindy what should he do and how he should be. He still loved her in the end but Cindy was in pain, she ended things instead of fixing it.
I keep seeing comments that it was either Cindy’s or Dean’s fault for the failure of the marriage but i disagree, I believe both of them are at fault for various of reasons. And both of them did really love each other but love alone is not enough for a long-lasting relationship. Disclaimer, i am not a love specialist or a professional in this matter, I just want to share what I think about how their relationship fell apart.
First is Dean, first impressions are that he is immature, idealistic, intuitive and goes for his own principles and what he believes in. He’s both self-less and selfish. He is self-less in a way that he would sacrifice everything for Cindy. He got beat up because of her and he married her eveAn though he was not the father of the child she carrying. He devoted all his time and existence for her, while neglecting himself by being contented with a slavewage job. He was also selfish in a way that he’s disregarding Cindy’s feelings. All he wants to do is both of them to become happy but its always Dean’s direction. He’s drinking problem was also a thing that Cindy is unhappy about, specially how he behaves every time that he is drunk. Maybe Cindy just don’t want her father to behave like that.
And now for Cindy’s case. She have some unhealed wounds and have commitment issues. Mind that she had 24 partners before Dean, if i were her, i’d be tired as hell too. Instead of telling Dean what she thinks, she just wanted to end it all. Others said that she didn’t really love him, that she only used him because he was there for her but I disagree. I believe she did really love him and it is maybe because he saw a lot of potential in him. Maybe her expectation were too high that made her disappointed in the long run. Maybe Dean didn’t turn out the way Cindy want him to be. Cindy want him to become a better version of himself but Dean continues these but habits. I believe she didn’t run out of love but she did ran out of energy. Another thing, Cindy doesn’t really question Dean’s behavior, she just kept on tolerating him.
A relationship’s purpose is to help each other to grow. But in this story, one grow tired of him for not growing at all. Dean remained immature and reckless from start to end because maybe Cindy did not say a word about it. Anyways both of them were a wreck from their traumatic pasts. Both have unhealed wounds that they are not aware of and maybe that’s why things didn’t work out in the end. Cindy inability to express her feelings and Dean’s inability to change for the better was what lead their marriage to an end.
Also both Cindy and Dean grew up to unhealthy family relationships. Since they both didn’t experience the love and care from their family, they don’t really know how a family should function. They grew up struggling and it somehow manifested in their current relationship.
Dean grew up lacking the love of his mother. This wound made him to be romantic and loving. He knows what it feels like to be unloved by a parent so he’s giving it all to his daughter. Cindy grew up tolerating how her father mistreat her mother. Every time his father gets angry, her mother would stay silent and just tolerated it. That’s why Cindy have a struggle saying how she truly felt.
