Kermit's Corner

Unprofessional people making jokes about professional athletes.

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No jokes here - just wanted to show the creativity of the 93/94 Upper Deck Art Department.

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Aaron R. Connor: "Man, I hate it when Hrbek tries to slide!"

Kermit: "This is my real smile!"

William Davis: I did WHAT to a women in the bathroom?!? I'm never drinking Apple Pucker again!

Aaron R. Connor: "Gagne really needs to stretch more before he tries something like that again."

Kermit: "I will pass this last stone!"

William Davis: Then Kirby passed the entire bucket of chicken...bones and all.

Aaron R. Connor: "Damn Gaetti! You got an STD or something? I can smell your fish-dick stank from center!"

William Davis: Dear Minnesota readers, this is for comedy. I'm sorry I took shots at Kirby. Please send all hate mail to KermitCarter@...

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Aaron R. Connor: "My Stepdad told need that when this whole baseball thing doesn't work out, maybe I could work as a dispatcher for the highway patrol and with that he hands me his non-prescription aviators with the lenses punched out."

Kermit: "You're sure this helmet doesn't make my head look small?"

Kermit: "That's what I like about these high school girls; I get older, they stay the same age."

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Aaron R. Connor: Not at all well liked among his teammates,  Ed would often heckle them as they'd take batting practice. Ed Kranepool :aspiring batting coach.

Kermit: Ed's nickname was of course, "Ed Drain the Pool," which came in handy as his first job after baseball was in fact as a "pool guy."

Kermit: "You wanna see receding? Check this out!"

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Aaron R. Connor: On more than one occasion, Brian had been known to lead the chicken dance from the mound during the 7th inning stretch ...much to the chagrin of his teammates,  this was just such an occasion.

Kermit: "Oh I sure hope the coach is coming out. I don't wanna get yelled at!"

Kermit: "I never shoulda bought this blue glove! What if they trade me to the Reds!"

Kermit: "Hey Brian, not trying to tell you your business or anything, but maybe you should stop staring at that girl and making the "fisting" motion? I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin ...it's kinda gross."

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Kermit: The stadium fell silent after they heard the mighty roar that came out of Rob's ass. One woman remarked after the game, "I heard the sound of Hell and please God forgive me, oh sweet Mother Mary may I never have to hear that vicious noise again!"

Aaron R. Connor: And with that fateful pitch,  Dibble secured himself in the annals of baseball lore as the only pitcher to ever kick himself in the balls and face during a windup.

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Aaron R. Connor: Unbeknownst to his family and fan(s), Rickey had gone on to start his own chapter of the Ku Klux Klan after leaving college.

Kermit: "This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

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Aaron R. Connor: "Hey kids... where do you want to eat after the game? That's Ri-ight ...Fuddruckers!"

Kermit: It is hilarious to me that the card designers chose to go with "Stars(')" adding the possessive apostrophe, rather than just switching the team name and the position. So this is what they did every card? Tom-foolery I say!

William Davis: I LOVE Mutant League basketball!

Aaron R. Connor: Aside from the name of his team, the word "star" and Red Robbins were never seen together again.

Kermit: I can clearly see one of his balls.

William Davis: I'm pretty sure the team name was the Rats and he was standing in a mirror.

Aaron R. Connor: More like the Utah Ganglers ...right guys?!

William Davis: He's the most Utah-y looking basketball player I've ever seen.

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Aaron R. Connor: Having a tremendous appreciation for puns and the like... clearly the photographer felt Billy didn't stand a ghost of a chance in making the big leagues.

William Davis: Who were the Awgels?

Kermit: I don't have any jokes. I just think it's cute.

Aaron R. Connor: This was the original movie poster for the prequel to Angels In The Outfield: The Billy Cowan Story ...the movie was later scrapped when the studio realized that movies about dogs that play basketball were considered far more enticing to the discerning public.

William Davis: To be fair Aaron, movies about dogs that play basketball are TIGHT!

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William Davis: "I'm Maury Schaeffer and coming up next on 60 Minutes, Athlete's as sex-symbols?"

Aaron R. Connor: "What, me worry?" It looks Alfred E. Newman's head was photoshopped on to the body of a junior high school student.

Kermit: "Hello Mr. Corrigan, do any of these things ring true for you: confusion or feeling as if you are in a fog, any dizziness or "seeing stars," slurred speech?..."

Aaron R. Connor: he looks strikingly likeLady Elaine Fairchilde from Mr. Roger's neighborhood.

William Davis: Ahh, the pre-helmet days of the NHL...

Kermit: "I combed my hair with my hand all by myself for picture day!"

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Kermit: "It's cool that coach let's me weave my fishing nets before the games."

William Davis: "Honey, I just LOOOVE the wicker patio furniture here." "That's nice dear"

Aaron R. Connor: "I should probably diversify my portfolio... stocks and bonds are typically safe if you know what you're doing, but I think the futures market has been to lucrative over the past 8 months to not at least dip in a toe or two. I'm not talking about going all in, but i really need to make my money start working for me..."

William Davis: This was baseballs Blue Period.

Kermit: "When's it gonna be my turn in the cage. It's never my turn... It will never be my turn."

William Davis: As always, "Red Man" was in the stands to root for the team.

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Kermit: "When'd they start making these out of wood?"

William Davis: Vince is about to put the beat down on that cracka' in the corner. In honor of Jackie Robinson. Respectfully.

Aaron R. Connor: "You okay ol' girl? Poppa Vince loves you. You gonna be a'ight... you be a'ight. Just rest now.

Kermit: "I thought they hired me to just steal bases? I don't know how to use this thing?"

William Davis: "Hey Mr. Bat, I mustache you a question!" ...I'll see myself out guys.

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William Davis: Was this the season the Baseball Writers Association voted him 'Most Average Looking White Baseball Player'?

Aaron R. Connor: Ball goes in. Ball comes out. Ball goes in. Ball goes out.

William Davis: "As soon as I get this down, I'm going to be a STAR!"

Kermit: Thin lips aside, Jeff Blauser was known throughout the League as one of the best kissers.

Aaron R. Connor: "I should've listened to my Pops and learned arithmetic... how am i ever gonna get my average up if I can't even add up how much at bats I've did this year?"

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Kermit: They took "arm wrestling" to another level!

William Davis: Lemuel had a knack for jamming his fist in all the wrong places.

Aaron R. Connor: I just imagine the sound of a bleating sheep as I look at this card.

William Davis: After his teammate broke his arm savagely, Lemuel Stinson changed his name to Wesley Snipes and became a tax evader of some fame.

Kermit: Is "Le Muel" French for something?

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Aaron R. Connor: Sensing that this chapter in his life was rapidly drawing to a close, Carl began actively daydreaming of a time where he would be warmly regarded as a washed up athlete and petty criminal.

William Davis: That's the same exact look he now gives every time he Googles his own name. 

Aaron R. Connor: Taking a page from the Hendrix playbook, Carl was not averse to dropping acid intra-foreheadedly, even during a game.

Kermit: Samuel L. Jackson kinda looks like shit?

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William Davis: And people really wonder if the talent in the NFL has improved?

Aaron R. Connor: Sooooooo high!!!

Kermit: "Off season plans? You know, same always, follow the Dead around and sell grill cheeses in the parking lot." 

William Davis: "Trust me man, the Browns are never going to leave Cleveland!"

Aaron R. Connor: "Dudeman! Lemme show you how to turn a kicking tee into a b---... what were we talking about dude-bro?!"

Kermit: "I know right? Like a turd...we play for the turds man!"

William Davis: "I hate Lebron too."

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Kermit: Good old Sparky Anderson. Always with a wink and a smile... or just a wink.

William Davis: Sparky was still the happiest man in Detroit.  

Aaron R. Connor:  Sparky doing his best Ty Cobb impression.

William Davis: "And hurry up with that prune juice will ya Helen!"

Kermit: "I got my eye on you!"

William Davis: And it was that stern look of determination that led the Tigers to a 70-92 record!