i’m just so deeply confused by why people don’t want shane’s bitchiest lines included in s2 ☹️ do they hate conflict. or fun. because i’m excited and seated personally
no seriously, because what do they want to happen?? if there's no conflict, what's even the point of telling a story? LET SHANE BE BITCHY. let him be an insensitive asshole. let ilya be one too!
if they are as obsessed with connor and hudson as they appear to be, let them have some emotional meat to chew on as actors! i personally can't wait to see the boxing day fight, it's going to hurt so good.
i'm convinced these must be people who have never read a book or possibly even watched a tv show or movie in their lives. and they've definitely never been in a longterm relationship. because amid all the unrealistic romance novel fantasy that's going on, the bickering and miscommunication leading to this fight is the most realistic part of these books.
i'm so grateful to have found the people who get it though ❤️
Okay I guess I am going to rant about the fuck condo because I have feelings, and three (3) people said to go for it. Inspired by this post. (Blanket disclaimer that I want everyone to enjoy things how they enjoy them, this is just my personal nitpick that I'll never let go of until the day I die.)
Shane gets the condo because of his shame and internalized homophobia, AND ALSO to protect the hookups with Ilya. He can't have Ilya seen at his home, he's getting nervous about hotel meetups, but he also CANNOT stop their hookups — he can never ever let that go. So this change not only diminishes the extreme fear and shame he’s feeling, but it totally undermines Shane's insatiable horniness and absolute inability to deny sex with Ilya, despite the shame (as does the 2-year gap, but that’s a whole other thing).
Adding that gap and cutting the condo takes away Shane's fundamental characteristic of loving sex with Ilya so much that it overpowers his deep deep fear of being gay. So in the show, this positions him as wanting a real relationship much earlier in the timeline than he does in the book. Leading to the virginal-sub of all time characterization in fanon, which just isn't #myShane.
But ALSO! Cutting the condo also changes Ilya. It undermines Ilya's yearning and loneliness in the HR years. Ilya's loneliness gets a little lost in the show, with Svetlana as a real friend, not just an occasional hookup. In the book, it's so obvious in how much Ilya romanticizes Shane's life. He sees Shane's happy family from afar and tells himself he doesn't need or deserve that, while he secretly longs for it so hard. So, Shane keeping him emotionally AND physically at arms length only enhances Ilya's self-denial and makes the tuna melt scene so much more vulnerable in the book. And despite Ilya’s bone-deep yearning, even when Shane is finally wanting to be something more, Ilya is STILL reluctant to go to the cottage because he thinks it will be an indication to Shane that he wants to commit. And that makes the Skip kiss even more impactful, because it's the push Ilya needed to let himself *have this.* (And even then, they both go to the cottage expecting that this will be the end, a last hurrah kind of thing.)
Without this clear indicator of where Shane has been withholding and where Ilya has been silently wanting more, the show presents Shane as wanting a relationship since before Sochi, and Ilya as a withholding asshole who can’t make up his mind and keeps Shane hanging on.
And it kind of muddies the waters, when the book perfectly sets up the conflict in TLG: Shane's internalized homophobia & shame & insistence on secrecy (to his own comfort level) -vs- Ilya's resistance to emotional vulnerability and honesty with Shane despite his deep desire to be seen and loved loudly, because Shane has been hiding him away since 2013.
One of my favorite moments in HR is when Ilya reveals he's been longing to be with Shane in his real bed for YEARS, and it’ll always be a moment I wish we got to see. What I wouldn’t give to see Hudson’s beautiful face reacting to that reveal!
And I’ve never tried to make a tv show, so what do I know? But I fully believe they could have creatively figured out a way to adjust the sets enough to make it believably another place. They rented that whole house that was the set for Shane's apartment — they could have finagled it.
I think another product of the missing sex condo is that it muddies Shane's issues with food, which doesn't appear in the books until TLG. And it's one of the few things about the show that kind of bothers me.
In the books, Shane's need for control comes out by forcing the distance between them, because if he doesn't have real feelings for Ilya then everything is fine and he doesn't have to admit anything to himself. Physical distance = emotional distance. The sex condo gives him that space and distance so that he can feel in control and like it isn't really that big of a deal that he's sleeping with Ilya. He'll wait for hours in the condo for Ilya to show up and tell himself that he's about to leave and end everything; and even though we know (and he knows) he's not going to do that, he wouldn't be able to play that fantasy in his own home because it's not a place he can really leave.
And I think with the show, because they had to get rid of the sex condo and that pressure valve that Shane gave himself, they decided to bring the food control in early.
In TLG, Shane can no longer hide behind distance because he has accepted that he's in love with Ilya. No emotional distance and no sex condo distance. BUT he has brand new stressors because he has a relationship he deeply cares for that he's terrified will become known. So he has to clamp down on all of his own emotions to make sure they're not visible at any time. And this manifests with his increased control over his food. Control his food, control his emotions. Control the way he is perceived by everyone.
To me, bringing in the food control early to try and replace the sex condo doesn't work the same. Especially since they bring it in before he and Ilya ever properly hook up, it makes it seem more like just a facet of Shane's personality than a reaction to the relationship stress/internalized homophobia he's under. And it gets confused because there are several plot-relevant food scenes (the tuna melts and sharing the fritters/fries with Rose) that make his macrobiotic diet seem inconsistent.
It also makes me worry about how they're going to have to make Shane even more strict in season 2 so that they can show that there is pressure building inside Shane he's unwilling to admit to that is requiring him to exert more control over himself. I get that the discussion around Shane's food and whether he has an ED should be nuanced, but to me, TLG walks the line with it where it is happening and isn't super healthy but it also isn't a real concern. He isn't enjoying his food but he's still eating enough to maintain his professional athlete body. And I worry that bringing it in too soon in the show means it is going to go places that are more concerning in season 2.
Anyways, I didn't mean to hijack this post just to rant about Shane's food control issues, but these thoughts have been brewing inside me for a while. And I do think the food control issues coming in early are a direct result of losing the sex condo, and I would much rather have had the sex condo in season 1.
don't get me wrong i love the fact that shane and ilya retcon their relationship to be love at first sight. like good for them!! but when i look at the source material im like .. you were charmed. you were jealous. he had everything you wanted (supportive family and his country behind him, able to be big and brash and move through life with ease) and you wanted to see if you could make him feel good (can you debauch the golden boy, can you be good for the man who's had everyone) but the love didn't come until you started to take apart the things that attracted you to this person in the first place. shane fell in love with the ilya who checked in on him and with the sweetness behind the barbs and with the ilya who couldn't stop kissing him in that stairwell. and ilya fell in love with the shane who thinks buffalo is stupid and can barely get his shoes off before he throws himself at ilya and can't tell his parents he's gay because he's suffocating behind his own image not because he thinks they don't love him but because he wants to honor everything they've done for him. and so it's really nice that ilya goes "i loved you from the first time i saw you" but i, omniscient reader, call bullshit. i think you love that boy now because no version of you could ever not love any version of him. but at the time i think you were mostly just curious and then the love grew despite all odds in the most hostile of circumstances because everything you learned about each other made you want more and more and more. and also probably that's even MORE beautiful. so.
need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"
Why was Ilya being so mean?! (or a defence for the avoidantly attached) (or or People expect traumatized people to act in palatable ways, and it's annoying)
Ok, today I was thinking about how damn gorgeous Shane looks in the Sochi Olympics scene when he finds Ilya. Like, I don't know what happened in the make-up room for that scene, but he looks so freaking pretty there. He also looks extra pretty in the bathroom scene, and I don't know what is so special—especially in the Olympics scene—about his face that makes it come across like that, but I was thinking about how sweet he was being and how pretty he was, and Ilya could barely look at him. Ilya, in fact, refused to look at him until the end, when he finally snapped.
So, I did a long-winded analysis on the Las Vegas scene, or “why didn't we get the whole thing?!” And now I wanna tackle why Ilya is being a big meanie butt to Shane during the Olympics and also after. This is also going to be long-winded. I am verbose, I'm sorry D:
This is something that I figured most people would grasp, but it has come to my attention that many people didn't actually catch on to what is happening with Ilya at all, and I thought: hey, why not spill all my thoughts onto the page, since I'm not doing my school assignments anyway? My brain is so consumed right now in this little hyper-fixation.
First things first, Ilya is avoidantly attached. So, I am going to try to limit my knowledge to the show. As someone who has read both Heated Rivalry and The Long Game something like 8 times each, this is a little difficult, and I don't want to give spoilers for show-only watchers—so I will be trying very hard to keep book and book-extras knowledge out.
What we know from the show about Ilya's family dynamics:
Ilya is the younger of two sons; his elder brother is a deadbeat, gambling, coke addict who is constantly calling him for money, using him as a cash cow to fund his lifestyle, and who dismisses his achievements. He guilts Ilya and demands that Ilya help to support him. He also refuses to acknowledge what is going on with their father. So very, very emotionally dismissive.
Ilya's father is similarly emotionally cold and dismissive, with the added fun of being hypercritical. Ilya can not do anything right in his father's eyes. Ilya is #1 draft pick for the NHL and his father tells the guy that Ilya can be lazy. (BTW, this is absolutely crazy work to tell your son's soon-to-be boss that your kid is lazy. This smacks to me of a narcissistic parent trying to sabotage their child so they don't lose control over them.) Ilya's father is also extremely old and has (possibly undiagnosed) Alzheimer's. Ilya's father only contacts him when he loses games—thus, he is only there to criticize him and never praises him for his wins. Basically, if Ilya is winning, that is considered the bare minimum, and anything less than that is the end of the world.
This leads to excessive hyper-independence and perfectionism. If Ilya is not perfect, he isn't worthy of being treated properly (this is what his father has instilled in him). We also see that Ilya is struggling because he does love his father, even if the man treats him this way; Ilya is striving for something he will never have—acceptance from his parent.
We know that Ilya's mother is dead. She passed away, though in the show, we do not yet know how or when she died. We know that there is a stepmother, but she is not very involved.
Given what we know of Ilya's family dynamics, we can reasonably infer certain aspects of his upbringing and childhood. Emotional neglect is a given. This was not a safe emotional environment for anyone. Ilya is also a scapegoat/black sheep child. He is also a golden goose. He was somehow able to excel under the circumstances, and thus his brother (and father) feel the need to constantly downplay his achievements and dismiss his emotions.
His father is a narc. All of Ilya's achievements are his achievements. All of the claim is his, and thus, if Ilya is ever anything less than perfect, that is also a reflection of his father. Also, narcissists like it when you can't live up to their made-up standards because it gives them an excuse to berate you.
Ilya grew up in a household where his emotions were constantly dismissed, where he was expected to be perfect all the time, and where he was often the scapegoat for familial issues.
This has manifested itself into an adult who cannot be emotionally vulnerable. Who retreats into solitude when things get too overwhelming, and a man who literally moved as far away as he could to get away from his family. Now, not saying Ilya didn't dream of the NHL or that it's purely only to get away from his home life, but it's probably a large fraction of why he chose North America instead of anywhere else. He left behind his language, his home, and his "support system" for a place where he knew no one and had no one. This is actually a pretty easy feat, or at least for the avoidantly attached. Not only do we need emotional distance sometimes, but physical distance.
So, why, you ask, is this emotional-fortress of a man such a good lover at first?
That's a good question, and the answer is simple. Ilya is very good at separating his emotions from his physical body. He is very good at suppressing them and not accessing them. No-strings-attached sex has rules, and those rules are—don't get attached. And part of being avoidant is being able to shut that part of you off.
If he never lets himself have meaningful sex, then no one can hurt him. If he separates himself before they leave him, no one can hurt him. He enters most, if not all, of his relationships with the mindset that they are going to end, he is there for a good time, not a long time, and that allows him to be present and good at it. It allows him to be caring in a "safe" way.
I would say that most people who enjoy no-strings affairs go into them with their facades intact and with the awareness that the relationship isn't going to go anywhere. Ilya is able to perform physical affection as long as there is no emotional attachment. He can be a great attentive lover as long as you are not asking him for anything else. His gooey center must be protected at all costs because everyone who has had access to it before has harmed him in some way. Still does.
He cares a lot about having mutually beneficial sexual experiences, and it gives him validation. Much like his brother seems to be a gambling addict, Ilya uses sex as his form of self-soothing. Once again, I don't want to bring too much book knowledge into this, but Ilya is the kind of guy who stays friends with his hookups and doesn't feel hurt or upset when they move on from him. If anything, he expects them to eventually leave him.
—Add abandonment issues to the chat, via his deceased mother. No, she didn't "mean" to leave him, but parental deaths can cause abandonment issues just like straight-up abandonment, and he did not have a household that would carry him through that trauma in a productive way. If anything, he was probably forced to repress a lot of his feelings, and we will get more of this in the show, but we do know she died from his conversation with his father in Russia—
So Ilya places himself in a position where this can't hurt him. He never allows for a real connection, so he can't be hurt when people leave. Which he expects them to. All of them.
Enter Shane and his undiagnosed autistic rizz
But I am getting ahead of myself. The point being, there are unspoken boundaries and guidelines to hooking up. Ilya is very conscious of these rules and guidelines because he thrives on their existence, as they keep him emotionally safe.
I would also like to point out that the people Ilya has slept with in the past in the show universe are Svetlana and Sasha, both of whom are long-time childhood friends. The show hasn't really emphasized Ilya being a rockstar-playboy very much. The only hint of that is Sasha offering the coke and implying that Ilya isn't any fun anymore, so we can assume that Ilya had a pretty wild party phase that he is growing out of.
Another characteristic of avoidantly attached individuals is their tendency to run. Run, run, run, run away from their big feelings. They get a shock to their system, and it is CODE RED ABORT ABORT ABORT, and they ghost. They disappear because, whoopsie, someone got a little too close to their soft, baby bird heart, and they cannot handle being hurt. It's the reason for the fortress. It's the reason for all the walls and the emotional detachment.
They cannot allow anyone else to take their soft heart and stomp on it. They have learned from years and years and years of patterns and people doing the same thing over and over again that if they allow it to happen one more time, it is their own fault for even thinking for a second that someone might actually care about them. It really doesn't matter how successful they are, or how much money they have, or any of that; they have been taught their own insignificance, and it is a really hard lesson to unlearn. It is practically impossible to unlearn. It is a lot easier to just never let anyone in ever than to let them in and watch them reject you.
Now that we have a basis for Ilya's avoidant attachment, enter Shane!
Shane does not do hook-ups by the book, baby!
Oh no, he doesn't.
Shane is interesting, both in the book and in the TV show, but let's focus on the show here. The approaches are similar but also different.
Shane brings out Ilya's most nurturing side. The first time they hook up, Shane is nervous as hell, and for such a put-together, confident guy, he melts immediately with Ilya. Ilya is his equal in everyday life, and it gives Shane the opportunity to let go of the reins for a little while and allow someone else to take control. I don't think this is a real dom/sub-esque dynamic. It's got elements of that, but yeah, Shane feels like he can just...not be in control with Ilya. He can let Ilya lead him, and he does that very, very authentically.
In fact, I think this is the thing that gets under Ilya's skin about Shane. Shane, outside in public, has a lot of control over himself; that is his facade. He expresses that control in a few ways in the show so far: we know he is on a strict diet, he makes the hotel bed before going down to the gym, and he (almost) always folds his clothes when he undresses. He is put together in interviews, he can speak multiple languages well (though show Shane's French is.... but hey, Ilya can't tell), he is Ilya's equal on the ice and he pushes back and challenges Ilya.
But the second he is alone in a room with Ilya, he lets his underbelly show. He allows Ilya to see the extent of his anxiety. He lets Ilya see how nervous he is, and he allows Ilya inside really fast. From the beginning, really. This causes Ilya to up his nurturing. He uses affection to calm Shane down A LOT, from their first kiss to the bathroom scene. In fact, almost every scene where Shane shows any kind of emotional vulnerability, Ilya tries to soothe him with affection.
(Hell, when they first meet, he kind of does this. Shane is obviously nervous and being awkward, and as he walks away, Ilya teases him, and that breaks the tension a little bit and gets their competitive banter going.)
This open authenticity is not what Ilya is used to with his sexual partners. Take Svetlana, whom we know he regularly sleeps with—she is fully aware of his sexual habits. She knows he is bi and leaves him to be with Sasha. She surprises him at home and isn't bothered by him texting other women; they have a genuine friends-with-benefits arrangement. When she looks at his phone where he is texting "Jane," that whole thing is playful; she isn't actually upset at him. They have fun.
I think Shane and Ilya have fun, but their encounters are emotionally charged from the get-go.
(I mean, Ilya hunted this man down a little, given in the show canon, he is the one who had the idea for the photoshoot. Shane introduced himself with his awkward handshakes and cute freckles, and our man was gone from the start. He didn't stand a chance.)
Their first time together is so tender and sweet, largely driven by Shane's obvious nervousness. This endearing awkwardness really allows Ilya to be a little more emotionally present than he would have been otherwise. Then Shane kind of ruins their moment of camaraderie after, and that causes Ilya to shut down a little, and he immediately decides to leave.
Their second time together, Shane has multiple little freak-outs that Ilya helps him work through. Once again, I feel like Ilya is literally the only person who Shane lets see this side of himself. Which is not the usual for a casual hook-up experience. I'm not saying some people don't get emotionally vulnerable with their FWB, but...yeah, that's not the usual vibe. Shane really opens up, and it forces Ilya to do the same.
(Ilya then also takes the innciative here to exchange numbers---I also want to mention how Shane freaks out about them planning to meet again and Ilya has to reassure him that it was just a "plan to fuck" which is both him talking Shane down from his anxiety and also a BIG signal that Shane is NOT ready for anything really emotional going on. Then enter the number exchange, which I feel like is Shane being awkward again, but can be read, a little, like he doesn't want to meet up, and considering after the game is cancelled, they don't get together for TWO YEARS, woof, I have no idea how Ilya was still chasing this man.
Ilya's knee bouncing in that airport. Man was feind-ing.)
Then we see the texts. Now, this is where the show diverges from the book a bit, with the two-year gap between them sleeping with each other again, but looking at the texts, Ilya keeps them sexual—he never branches out into emotional territory. The only time he has opened up about himself at all to Shane at this point is when he told Shane about Sasha, which was also a direct question that Shane asked him, and he only expanded on it a little bit and immediately transitioned it to sex. I would also like to point out that it has been Ilya chasing Shane through this whole point. He is the one pushing things forward and reaching out.
But that is also two years of hardly any contact, which shows Ilya is actively thinking about Shane. He is channelling that energy into sexual thoughts, in a "I really wanna fuck this guy" way, and not allowing himself to make it anything else in his own mind. But our man is down bad.
Like, Shane made this man WORK FOR IT.
Then, boom shakalaka, the most emotionally intense sex scene we get. I think Ilya would have been able to handle it if Shane hadn't shown him such obvious affection afterward. It was that soft as hell nose-boop-two-kiss combo that really sealed the "Oh fuck, this is way more than just a casual hook-up" RED ALERT.
I think Ilya was able to hide how open and vulnerable he was allowing himself to be with Shane from himself until that moment, because that moment made him FEEL THINGS. That soft tenderness, especially the forehead kiss, which is not sexual at all in any way, shape, or form, really did it.
It also showed how attainable Shane was. Shane has been keeping Ilya at arm's length and making Ilya chase him. Thus, he has been unavailable, which is a lovely trigger-y little thing—chasing that which you cannot have. It's safer than being with someone who openly wants you. Ilya can be somewhat safe with Shane while Shane is keeping his distance, but if Shane ISN'T keeping his distance—oh no, danger zone.
We can really see in his face and his eyes that he just went over every moment between them and realized how truly fucked he was.
He retreats. He does lean into the affection before he leaves, and that is because this man can't help himself.
This is where the ghosting appears to begin, as Ilya doesn't text Shane again from this point forward. (Which now Shane doesn't get because before this monumental event, Ilya had been blowing up his phone with innuendo and dick pics; this radio silence is not normal. Shane is used to Ilya reaching out and not having to chase him back at all.)
Enter my other point: Ilya cannot NOT kiss Shane.
As I mentioned earlier, Ilya kisses Shane whenever Shane shows any kind of emotional vulnerability, and he uses affection to soothe him in moments of anxiety.
Their first time, when Shane is nervous and says this is a bad idea, Ilya kisses him slowly and softly, giving him the ability to stop if he wants. Shane does not want to; in fact, Shane melts completely and lets Ilya take full control of the situation.
Ilya, during their second scene—the whole thing, really—uses humor to break the tension after the dildo thing. When Shane is uncomfortable with doing penetrative sex in the hotel room, Ilya immediately lets him know it's ok and can happen at another time. He goes in to kiss Shane then, but Shane is in another freak-out that Ilya works him through about the planning ahead.
The Vegas rooftop scene, I think, is the most relevant one because this is their first fight, and also the first time we really see this in action: the compulsion to kiss Shane, even when it's not the best time.
Ilya is withdrawn because he has to go home in 3 days. This has caused him to pull back from the celebration because he can't mentally participate. This is the first time he has been home since joining the NHL. He has lived for a year away from his POS family and is overwhelmed, and so he separates himself because he isn't able to keep his happy-go-lucky facade up.
Shane doesn't understand what is going on and is taking this mood personally. He, being a little drunk, lashes out here, which causes Ilya to lash out because he doesn't feel like he deserved that—and he didn't. He wasn't being rude or mean to Shane before Shane went off on him. He just wasn't dressing himself up; he didn't have the energy for it, and Shane wrongly took that personally.
Shane, who has been sharing a lot of himself with Ilya rather freely this whole time, doesn't really know anything about Ilya, and this is the first time he is confronted with that. Ilya then gives him a little peek, "I go home in three days," and Shane doesn't pick up on it. (This is because from Shane's frame of reference—he comes from a loving, supportive household and has no idea what Ilya's home life is like because Ilya hasn't told him anything about it.) This frustrates Ilya, who shuts down—he tried to let Shane in, and Shane's response made Ilya feel unsafe in that moment. (This is not Shane's fault, Shane is not a mind reader, and honestly, he isn't super good at picking up emotional context clues-- practical context clues, yes, but not emotional ones)
Shane then is about to imply that he thought they could meet up, possibly that night, not sure, but that is what it seems like he is about to ask. But he is picking up on there being something wrong, even if he doesn't know what is going on or why they are having this disconnect.
Then Shane goes to leave, but he can't. He can't leave because the situation is unresolved, and so he turns back, looking for reassurance that they are ok. He offers his hand and asks that they will see each other next season. This is the crux of the scene because Shane is being vulnerable again here. Shane is showing his hand—that he is feeling discombobulated by their interaction, and he needs reassurance that they are ok.
Ilya kisses him. In public.
The moment Shane shows his soft underbelly a little bit, Ilya can't resist going to him, even as he isn't feeling great himself, to reassure Shane.
Then Shane rejects him. At this point, Ilya isn't letting himself be fully aware of how hard he's already fallen, and he plays this off like a joke. (But he does seem pretty hurt by this and confused by Shane's adamant refusal, and he is left trying to call Shane back)
But it shows how, no matter what the situation is, if Shane needs him, Ilya is not able to deny him completely. In this moment, I think Ilya was doing two things: reassuring Shane that they were all good and also trying to feel better because he uses sex as his outlet to feel good about himself.
Skipping past Sochi to the bathroom scene
After the ghosting, Ilya is trying to maintain the distance when he walks in. He is trying to be joke-y, but Shane bulldozes that entirely. Shane does not hide his feelings from Ilya at all; it makes it really hard for Ilya to maintain his facade. (I'd argue that he lets that facade drop a lot in the first three sex scenes, especially the third one.)
Ilya crosses the space between them and is trying really hard to keep the walls up and to keep it sexual—notice how he still doesn't give Shane any real information about himself while Shane offers his parts freely (see the New Yorker joke). He has to maintain his distance; he doesn't kiss Shane until Shane turns those big watery puppy dog eyes on him.
Shane is looking at Ilya's face and lips for a lot of this conversation, and in the end, when Shane asks "What do you get if you win?" he is looking for that reassurance again, and he flicks his eyes up and makes eye contact with Ilya and boom—Ilya can't not kiss him here. I really don't think he went in that bathroom with the intention of kissing Shane, and if they fooled around a little, I don't think the kiss would have been that intense. But Ilya literally can't stop himself. He can't have Shane around him being all soft and sweet and vulnerable without giving him affection.
So finally, why was Ilya being such an asshole?
I already did a long-ass breakdown of my thoughts on the Las Vegas scene, so I'm just going to focus on the Olympics scene.
As we know, Russia is not safe; this is a public place, and Shane showed up looking SO FUCKING PRETTY. Seriously. Is it the lighting? What is going on in that scene that makes him so goddamn gorgeous?
Anyways, Ilya is in a similarly defeated, no-good mental place. Arguably a way worse mental place than he was on the Vegas rooftop. He is emotionally raw, he isn't a winner (which is tied to his self-worth), and his father and brother are harassing him. He has withdrawn himself, and here Shane shows up being pretty and sweet as hell, and Ilya has poor impulse control where Shane is concerned. (He has to keep himself completely away from Shane to keep control over himself at all.)
So, he tries to get Shane to leave without being too mean to him at first. Tells him to go sit down. Shane (much like the Vegas rooftop scene) does not feel comfortable leaving without some kind of reassurance that they are ok, that Ilya is ok, and that their relationship is in a good place. Shane has just come to the realization that Russia might not be the best or safest place for Ilya and that perhaps Ilya feels uncomfortable in his home country. Ilya is once again acting in a way that Shane is not used to, because Shane is accustomed to the warm, comforting version he receives when they are alone.
(And the last time they had a fight, Ilya kissed him on the rooftop, and after that, they had a very, very good reconnection. So Shane here isn't expecting this complete shutdown, because Ilya hasn't completely shut him out before—like, at all, since they met. He is very much not used to Ilya not trying to get his attention.)
And Ilya is really weak to Shane's pretty sad face, so he has to slam his walls down like a guillotine to prevent himself from going to Shane. Ilya can't even look at Shane in the scene; he glances at him a couple of times but tries to keep his eyes firmly forward until he finally snaps, and at that point, Shane has been pushed away sufficiently.
This isn't because he doesn't want Shane. It is the opposite. He wants Shane too much; he realized that he was in too deep the last time they were together, and he also knows that he can't say no to Shane without closing himself off completely. I will maintain that he was trying not to be an asshole at first. This isn't Shane's fault, by the way; it's just a communication disconnect.
Also, Shane is much better at maintaining himself in public, and Ilya knows that he will cross the line if he gives in even an inch, and they are in a place where he absolutely CANNOT do so.
Ilya isn't being mean to Shane because he wants to be mean to Shane.
Is it the best? No. No, Ilya isn't a great communicator, but he also doesn't want to be in love. He is fighting it, and he can't fight it with Shane's pretty freckled face in front of him. And he can't deny Shane affection unless he shuts down completely.
Enter the Vegas scene that is emotionally devastating for everyone.
Once again, this is Ilya trying to maintain a distance that he has never tried to enforce with Shane.
So yeah, in conclusion, Ilya is going through an avoidant attachment RED ALERT freak-out, and he literally can't control himself around Shane, and thus he is trying to push Shane away to get control back, but he can't because he has fallen already, and did way before he realized he did, and it blindsides him a little bit. (A lot.)
Ilya does not wanna be an asshole to Shane, but he has to be an asshole to Shane to protect himself because Shane doesn't read the room well. Or take the first "go away" as an answer. He also doesn't get why Ilya won't talk to him because he kind of doesn't realize until this point in time that Ilya hasn't opened up to him about anything, whereas Shane has talked about himself casually multiple times, and I think Ilya is really good at making people feel like they know him. I think Shane does know him, though—his soft gooey center, at least—which is why when he is confronted with all the brick walls, he is left really confused. (Basically, unbeknownst to himself, Ilya has been showing Shane his most intimate private heart the whole time.)
I know people hate it, but this is what happens to severely emotionally neglected people. Ilya has literally never felt emotionally safe before in his life, and Shane has already "rejected" him a couple of times in the show. (Was Shane doing that on purpose? Nope, but sometimes the smallest shit can feel like a rejection.)
People aren't perfect. They can be messy. Shane isn't a mind reader, and Ilya can't heal years of trauma in an instant; he, at this point, doesn't want to, exactly.
We also have to keep in mind their JOBS.
They can not, at this point, realistically be together, and so being in love isn't, like, the best thing for Ilya right now.
But this was more of an emotional perspective on why Ilya is lashing out the way he is.
Also, to gush about how cute Shane is in that scene, because if I were Ilya, trying to maintain my cool, and Shane walked up to me with that pretty face and his freckles and his earnest eyes, I too would find telling him to fuck off really difficult.
Overall, would it be ideal if people could communicate openly and honestly? Sure, but that isn't realistic. In a perfect world, everyone would be in therapy, striving to better themselves, but this isn't a perfect world. And yes, I know people like to act like avoidants are the devil because instead of clinging onto people, they do the opposite, which is withdraw completely, but when you have been proven over and over that opening yourself up only gets you hurt, it's really hard to ask yourself to do that (especially in their situation).
I've seen alot of people reading the tuna meltdown as Ilya wanted something real and serious with Shane and was trying to create a space for that and Shane ruined it by running away but I disagree.
I maintain that Ilya was not trying to make them boyfriends the day of the tuna meltdown. That whole thing was just him being incredibly indulgent and hedonistic. He viewed having a sleepover with Shane Hollander the way other people view coke-fueled orgies. To him getting to make food for, cuddle with, just make out with where it doesn't go anywhere, and wake up with Shane Hollander is a dreamlike extravagance and a high that other people go to vegas for. Which should have been a good clue for him that he did in fact want Shane to be his boyfriend. But that wasn't the point of the sleepover.
And that's just reinforced by everything that happened after; Ilya was gonna end things, Ilya wasn't gonna go to the cottage and even when Ilya got to the cottage he had a white knuckle grip on himself that he cannot ever tell Shane that he loves him. He didn't think they could ever be anything so he wasn't trying to ruin their lives(as he would perceive it at the time). He just wanted to indulge in Shane and live it up while he can. The point of the sleepover was the same reason Ilya has a sports car collection and a ducati(and Shane is his favourite thing to ride).
Yeah, yeah. I think the thing is that they're both on such crazy levels of self delusion and self denial that they don't even process their motivations clearly. Which is why I will go to bat for Reid because I think this is a very realistic way to act and it's surprisingly textured for a pornographic romance novel.
Really they're both just scared little boys vibing it out. I don't think Ilya had any idea what he was doing in a goal-oriented sense. He just knew that he wanted and so he reached for it
much like everyone simultaneously going "ilya rozanov wears lightning mcqueen crocs" a bunch of us keep independently saying "ilya would be incredibly horny for shane in scrooge pajamas" and that's honestly so fucking funny
they’re trying to do a cnc home invasion scenario but shane comes out of the bedroom looking like this and says ‘who goes there’ and ilya comes instantly
there’s a cultural obsession with labelling all female authors as unintelligent or otherwise only capable of accidentally stumbling into brief moments of genius in their works that we need to start pushing back against
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