Dirty Nerdy

I'm just on here to shout into the darkness we call the Internet.

[spiritualinspiration2]

[kiabodia]

Down to 3 days until I move! Where will I go?

I don’t know! Aaaaaaaaaaah!

To pull this off will be the greatest heist YET!

[kiabodia]

All of June so far has been a time of fasting, purifying, and body cleansing.

With Obatala walking with me, it’s been: light clothes, no pork, no clutter, low salt diet.

I’ve had to avoid the area where I get my steps to avoid calamity.

Freda wants me to wear clothes more often in my house (I’m a nakey), read daily out the prayer book, no porn, celibacy.

Saturn wants me to go vegetarian on Saturdays.

My body went through this purge these past few days. That was uncomfortable and limited me.

I would guess my body is the tool in which these spirits will move mountains for my river of abundance.

After all this purification, I hope I get to hover ominously around!

[kiabodia]

Not only do I have to work on Juneteenth this year; my company is launching a new system that day so I can’t even slide out the office to observe it. Not only that; I can’t help with the Juneteenth event my friend is hosting in Chicago.

I feel so numb right now.

I will confront them on why we don’t have a FEDERAL holiday off.

[kiabodia]

It’s been a long time...

Hello? Anyone here? Probably just me. I have a major case of creator’s block. I cant draw, write or craft anything anymore. I am not sure other than the lack of energy and inspiration. I suppose working for a wage, maintaining a romantic relationship, and raising children takes a toll on the homie. Regardless, I WANT TO DO BETTER. So, I shall do better with my time. Believe it or not, I’ve taken baby steps by re-watching some MCU movies. So far, I’ve watched Iron Man 1 & 2. I haven’t watched them since first watched them when they premiered in theaters. They really hyped me up, especially when Tony made his first suit. To hear that at the beginning of Endgame lit something up inside of me. And I want to continue to light that spark. I need to get back to reading and watching. I need to get back to listening to storytellers.  Wish me well!

[kiabodia]

State of mind

Lately, I’ve been nothing but a negative Nancy. I’ve found nothing positive about my life since starting the pilot study the beginning of June. I’ve done nothing with life other than stress about money, how to transport Talia to summer camp with this new job, paying bills late, when to pay my friend back 700 bucks, etc. The lack of self reflection robs me of seeing the positive. I have a new job opportunity. My bills WILL be paid. I’ll learn new job skills. I have people to talk to; I am not alone. I’m even in love. My kids are healthy, and my car works amazing. There are many more opportunities to come. I need to get back to writing in my happiness journal to get back into focus.

[kiabodia]

Job update

I’m currently working part time for a non profit that fights to end hunger. It’s for 10 weeks and only pays $3000. I have to be there 45 hours a week, leaving me no time for flexibility to find a job after it ends. My check is a week late and probably lost. My bills are overdue. I’m stressed.

[kiabodia]

Navigating sex with the child: the journey continues...

I had an interesting class conversation with the oldest today. Initially, I was telling her I don’t like watching people make love (in movies or in graphic novels) because it makes me uncomfortable (I have a thing against pda too). She admitted that when she sees it, it makes her want to pee. Specifically, she said it gets a tingly sensation “down there” and all over in general. So we had a conversation about arousal.

Puberty is around the corner for her, so I’m keeping my ears perked up to help her navigate her developing sexuality. Overall, I’m not uncomfortable talking to her about sex, but in wearing on her perspective on how fun and games it may seem. I want her to be able to come to me about anything.

That’s all there is for this episode! Stay tuned for more!

[kiabodia]

It’s meant to be, but...

I can’t figure out why I’m not being hired full-time anywhere. I’m so frustrated. Thank God I was able to secure work for the summer time. How is it that every job I’ve interviewed for is either problematic or turns me down? Is everyone in cahoots to keep me from starting a career outside of academia? Am I being punished? Something tells me I should be looking at going back to grad school to get back on the Ph.D. track. I know if I get a good job, I may not return to the academic world. This may be why I can’t get a job: because I’m meant to go back to graduate school. I guess I should stay tuned and wait til the middle of August to find out where I’ll be. Sheesh.

[kiabodia]

I almost did it...

Y’all, I almost got up this early morning to go jogging. I popped up out of bed after 6 am, and decided to scavenge for running gear. The more I moved around to get ready, the more I didn’t want to go out. By the time I found all the pieces to the outfit, I laid back down on my

bed and slid under the covers. It’s not that I’m tired; I’d just rather do something else like heal from running around all day yesterday. Most importantly, I hate exercise! But I’m ashamed to admit it to live people near me. What if I admit it to them and stop working out forever? It’s like accidentally blurting out an anti-wish some random genie, suddenly out of nowhere, will grant. This wish will curse me to never have the motivation to work out, thus my body will be deformed from the lack of vigorous movement and the lack of a flat tummy to rock mid-drifts. Au scandaleux.

After reading Roxane Gay’s tweet last night (I posted it a bit ago on my page), I realize it’s okay to not enjoy exercise. If it sucks, then it sucks. And that’s okay! I don’t need to love it to do it. I hate it because it’s such a time suck. I’m a creative, so I enjoy being inspired, reading, drawing, and writing in whatever time I have to myself. Exercise typically cuts into that time because my body craves more than 30 minutes a day. It needs hours of strenuous activity to be satisfied. I also tend to follow the crowd when it comes to exercising. I used to run and hit the gym because everyone I knew was doing it. They got together to work out socially. I wanted to be part of something.

Over time, I realized I couldn’t cut out the time to be in the gym or on the sidewalk for hours. I also burned out on doing these things. I chalked it up to a lack of passion; I was self shaming myself for not loving exercise. What intensified it was being with someone who constantly exercises. At first I thought it was super cute that he was a gym and court rat. Eventually, I just felt bad every time he’d hit the gym while I stayed behind. He stated he wanted to be with someone that worked out. But now I was finding it harder to like what I was doing. I struggled so much with this.

Well, no more. After being honest with myself, I find it easier to exercise, which means finding something that works best for me. That includes what type of exercise and what time of day works best, and for how long. At the end of the day, 10% of a healthy lifestyle is exercise. That puts the importance and time investment into exercise in perspective. As long as I move, I’ll be fine and look great. As a teen, I looked great from head to toe, but I didn’t participate in any sport. All I did was walk everywhere. So to me, the main message is : exercise is that that enjoyable or serious to me, and that’s okay. It’s just something I need to get out the way like brushing my teeth.

[kiabodia]

[kiabodia]

How deeply do you love me?

[kiabodia]

Oh, this weekend...

I have a double whammy of work this weekend. For one, I have my kids this weekend, which burns a lot of my energy. Secondly, I have a wedding to attend in Michigan (I live in northwest Indiana) where I’m also taking the kids. I couldn’t miss this wedding for anything. I couldn’t find a babysitter, but I refuse to stay home. My youngest child is the one in most worried about; he may scream and run around if left without proper stimulus. It’s a two and a half hour drive, and both kids dread long car rides. Certainly this will be a fantastic weekend despite all this things, right?

[kiabodia]

On here fooling around...

I’m not sure what I want to gain from writing my blurbs on Tumblr. I suppose I’ll use it as a diary of sorts. You won’t judge me, right? I’m here to figure out what I want, how I want it and where to get it.