So, long story short (for people who haven’t seen it yet):
A year ago, I was friends with an SJW. We were good friends. I usually just ignored the SJW bullshit that she spouted, and she respected that I didn’t want to get involved. We had plenty of other things to talk about, and we’d been friends for most of my time on tumblr (she was one of my first followers after I started using my main for personal over roleplay posting), and in October of 2012, I was comfortable giving her my cell phone number. By December, we were exchanging addresses (although I gave her my mother’s P.O. box; I’ve always been cautious about my address).
About Christmas of 2012, we got into an argument. She had posted something about all pornography being degrading to women. I disagreed with her; there is plenty of pornography that is consensual, and while it’s unrealistic, it’s not degrading. We argued for several posts, until she started yelling and I decided I wasn’t going to be lectured. I told her to text me when she calmed down, and we didn’t speak until just before New Year’s Eve.
She finally texted me, apologized for getting angry, we agreed to disagree, and the matter was dropped. A few days later, I got a weird anon on my personal blog, saying things like “I’m sorry for what I did to you, please forgive me, I want to be in your life again”. I deleted it. I kept getting similar messages on my Facebook and in my email. I only ever responded to the emails. They were from the man who raped me when I was younger. I told him several times that he was not welcome in my life, and to please stop contacting me. Eventually the messages got threatening, and I started deleting them without reading.
While this was going on, I ran into him a few times. Now, he still lives in the same town, and it’s a small town. The first couple of times, I didn’t think anything of it (apart from one panic attack when he showed up at Rocky). I was texting my friend, and I mentioned it to her. She assured me that it was just coincidence.
Until he started showing up everywhere I went. I started getting unmarked mail at my house, threatening me with death and rape. I was getting death threats and anons telling me to commit suicide in my tumblr inbox. I would get weird phone calls and texts in the middle of the night telling me that I was going to be killed.
I was sick all the time. I would black out for hours, and wake up the next morning to find that I’d relapsed and cut. I was falling back into bulimic behaviors. I was suicidal, and I was terrified. I made my mother check my email. I made my girlfriend answer the phone for unknown numbers, and check every text before I would read it. I lost ten pounds in a month, and there were days that I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I all but moved in with my girlfriend because I was too afraid to be at my house.
All the while, I was texting my friend. I was telling her how scared I was, how much I wanted to die. She never really responded; she would just change the subject. Meanwhile, I was cutting and purging. I wasn’t sleeping, I was barely eating, and I wouldn’t leave my girlfriend’s house except to go to Valley. Those were the only places I felt safe. And even then, I was taking four or five anxiety pills a day, and usually just throwing them back up and taking more. I was in the hospital several times because I was dehydrated, since I couldn’t keep anything down.
Finally, in June of last year, it stopped. By that point, it had been six months of absolute terror. I had a bad panic attack because I’d gotten the last and worst email from him, and I couldn’t breathe and had chest pains. I was texting my friend from the ER, and she was being strangely uncaring about it. Finally she just said “leave me alone, we aren’t friends anymore, and I don’t care if you die”. I got a text from a mutual friend a few days later informing me that she had posted all of my personal info, given my contact info to my rapist, and was telling my rapist everything I told her, which included pretty much my every move. She deleted the post with my info not long after I found out, and she deleted her blog shortly after that.
Even to this day, I’m dealing with the aftermath of her actions. I get sick when I think about her. I don’t understand how she could do something so awful, and over such a stupid argument. I had to make new email accounts, set the highest privacy settings on Facebook, and change my tumblr url several times in quick succession to ensure that he wasn’t able to find me. I refuse to use my real name anywhere but Facebook. I lived with my girlfriend until November, when I moved in with my mom after my surgery. I’m still afraid to go near my dad’s house without several people with me and my dad at home. And almost nobody knows where I live now, even among my offline friends that I’ve known for years. My therapist is still trying to sort out the mess she made of my life.
For a while, I was angry. I wanted revenge. But I never could bring myself to do it. And I finally realized that I shouldn’t stoop to her level. If I did the same thing to her, then I was no better than her. And it wasn’t worth it.
That’s why I’m so against doxxing. Because I’ve been there, and I don’t want to see anyone else suffer the way I suffered. It’s just not worth it to endanger someone else just because you’re upset. You’ll get over it. The person being doxxed may end up dead. And no one’s life is worth satisfying your petty revenge fantasy.
-Dany (sorry this got long, but trust me, this is the short version)
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