I saw a post a few days ago and I’d like to address some stuff. To be honest, I don’t even know where to being with this, but I’ll start making one thing clear: not even once Null/Topaz came to me and talked about their issues with me. I do understand that some people find me intimidating, this is something that I try to do better: I tend to either be overly formal and/or blunt and some people don’t feel comfortable with that, and I try to be a little “softer”, with varying degrees of success. The point is, I found out via a third-party Null/Topaz’s true feelings and, while I was sad to learn that someone I considered a friend didn’t consider that they should have an honest conversation with me, heart-to-heart, I get it. I’m bad at confronting and expressing my feelings, and I was going to leave them be as hopehaunted. Sometimes people don’t click, they have divergent opinions and that’s ok.
However, the fact Null/Topaz was interacting with Meme and not telling her after everything that happened? I also got the wind that “Anna” was badmouthing me and another person, when I was just leaving them alone. Should I have kept quiet and take the hit? Should I have kept quiet while someone I assumed was my friend at some point had always talked shit behind my back and kept on doing so even after they ghosted me? I had no idea how many more people have been lied to, and I assume malice behind Null/Topaz’s actions – there is a clear difference between being hurt and venting, and there is spreading gossip and lies, especially after I learned how far it went.
This “friend” with a server mentioned in the post is Komari/Nao/Inu/Konpeito. This is another can of worms in itself, this person has 4 callouts as far I’m aware of, and have been chased out from 5 different fandoms for being extremely toxic and did way too many things to mention in this post, with some very serious things. Nao turned on me because I confronted them as they were harassing my friend, and I asked them to stop. Why Nao was harassing this person? Because we were all part of a group verse and Nao didn’t want to interact with my friend’s muse. Simple as that, and I should also mention that no-one was demanding they should interact. And then Nao proceeded to spread stuff about this person, about how they ruined our friendship, so on and so forth. I’m also aware that Nao’s server had a burnbook area, which pretty much speaks for itself. And in the post Null/Topaz failed to mention that they had a fallout with people in the server and with people from another server. I’m not aware of the details and I didn’t ask about it, but I wasn’t the only reason why they abandoned komacda as they made it sound.
Anyhow, Nao was aware that I wanted to interact with Komaedas and started to spread stuff about me hating the character. They’d say in their server that I despite the character, that I hate komahina and all that. Null/Topaz also mentioned this in their recent post and THIS was the only thing that Null/Topaz admitted to me: that they believed in Nao’s lies. And I’d love to show a screenshot of it, but they conveniently deleted the apology from our conversation. And that was the full extend of Null/Topaz telling their true feelings, besides mentioning the fallout with Nao and other people. If they have told me, right here and there, about the previous issues…I’d like to think that we could at very least parted in better terms, but we’ll never know.
Another lie that Nao told people and Null/Topaz mentioned in the post: I never said I hate komahina. You can check my blog, servers and anything, and you’ll always find the same answer: as it is in the canon, it isn’t my cup of tea but I’m willing to explore character development, to see how they go and interact, and if a ship comes from it I’ll happily do it. Every person has their own interpretation of Komaeda, and time and again I express my admiration towards anyone who tries such a hard muse like him or Enoshima. And while I show screenshots with Komaeda’s behavior towards Hinata, I also defend him on occasion and even call Hinata out when he is hostile without provocation. Neither character is “poor bby umu” without flaws, and I personally find it fascinating. But I’m going on a tangent here. The point is: I never talked shit about people who write komahina or anything (well, the exception being ped*philia). We were even in the process of exploring the possibility of a ship, so everything was quite a shock to me.
The complaint about the monologue? Anyone is free to check my blog and read it. Or read any of my posts, really. I tend to go on monologues because I don’t want to godmod and assume things that other people’s muses would do and when my partner doesn’t give me much to do and keeps on doing their own monologues and pretty much ignoring my own muse, I respond in kind. And I thought it was okay: there was never any communication between any issues they had, and I assumed it was okay. How I’m going to be able to tell that someone is unhappy with my reply if my partner won’t tell me? I believe this is the fundamental part of a healthy RPing relationship: communication. “Hey, I’m not sure how I should do with my reply” or “I don’t know where to go from here” or even “Could you change this or that thing in your reply? I think you misread me”. It happens and I admit I’m not perfect, and I’d gladly rewrite my reply, but — as I said before, I also understand that people think I’m intimidating and are afraid to approach. There’s also anxiety and a bunch of other things, which is also a valid factor: I also don’t like confrontations and have anxiety and even before our partnership I have been working on reaching out to my partners. Null/Topaz never communicated their problems with me, never once mentioned any issue they had, instead, they went on a burnbook server to spread whatever they wanted about me. For someone who boldly preamble their post by calling me a fake, they should be the ones taking a good look in the mirror.
I might be passionate about metas and canon, and I offer them as research material. I personally think it is easier when you follow the canon, they also offer some very good RPing material and opportunities: sometimes the canon is bullshit and makes no sense, and we can do better through RPing. I have never imposed anything. Hell, when I started RPing I even posted a hc about my personal layout of the real-life counterpart of the Jabberwock island and how it differs from the simulation, I also time and again reiterate that my Hajime is slightly canon divergent and takes longer to join the project. What I do in servers and conversations and pretty much anything is to throw ideas; no-one is obligated to like them and I’m always open to my partner’s ideas. How we can discuss ideas if my partner won’t bring them to me? How can we have our mutual headcanons if there is no conversation? How can we develop our muses and threads if, instead of talking to your partner you go behind their back and talk shit about them all the time? RPing is a two-way street, and I’m happy to incorporate my partners’ hcs in my replies – although I admit that sometimes it is hard to keep everybody’s hcs on the top of my head and sometimes I ask, sometimes I check their blog, and sometimes it completely escapes my mind – I’m human, after all. And I’m sure my partners don’t know all of my hcs and, when things happen, I do remind them.
Another thing mentioned in the post: about Meme. You’ll be hard-pressed to see me talking bad about anyone, except for a handful of people (namely: Nao, someone who stalked me, and someone who wrote r*pe of a minor as a starter without asking the mun. I hope people can forgive me for these exceptions). I even only talk about Null/Topaz when people bring it back, and because what they did with Yoly, Meme and me. Null/Topaz had a fallout with Meme, because apparently they have been badmouthing Meme in a server and someone told her and this was also conveniently left out of their post. When we believed that Meme was vagueing Yoly, I did say that I was done with Meme, because I was angry over her hurting my friend’s feelings, but Meme and I talked and cleared things up. I also expressed my frustration on certain things, but that was also something that I also talked to Meme and I have always told her my honest thoughts on may things. The only one in that conversation that kept on talking badly about Meme was Null/Topaz, who had the gall of telling people that both myself and Yoly talked about Meme.
Null/Topaz talked about no-one listening to their side of the story but the truth is that they never talked to me about any of this. They talk about being branded the villain, and yet they have never sat down and talked to me, they never told me their issues with me or reached out to me after the “I believed in Nao’s lies and I’m sorry for that” or anything at all: I was literally ghosted and told by someone else that we weren’t friends anymore and that was all that I got. I only blocked them on my personal after the fallout, I admit that, but they are free to come and talk to me both on tumblr, discord or anywhere they feel comfortable with. This goes to anyone and everyone by the way: if you have issues with me, or anyone really, please COMMUNICATE. TALK. WITH. PEOPLE. And please, be clear about your feelings: no passive-aggressive or “hints”, on the internet a lot gets lost in the cold screen and people aren’t mind-readers. Be honest with your partners and, more importantly, be honest with yourself. Yes, it might be possible that you’ll hurt this person and hurt yourself in the process, sometimes people don’t handle certain situations very well, but I can tell from personal experience: after the wound heals, it can be the beginning of a true, wonderful friendship, or it can signal a parting that will benefit all the involved in the long run with minimal resentment.
EDIT:
I also would like to point out a few things that people commented privately:
- In their post, Null/Topaz admitted in no uncertain terms that instead of talking to their RP partner, to their friends, and having any possible problem worked out they will go on and talk behind their friends’ back throughout the duration of the relationship, and even beyond it.
- After badmouthing someone in a server and getting caught, it is okay to come up with a brand new identity and catfish said person for six months. Granted, Null/Topaz sent an apology, which I was the one who proofread it (because apparently, I’m too intimidating for them to have an honest conversation about us, but not to offer advice about a third party). Meme not only had the right to know the true, but also the right to not wanting to be interacting with them after what they did to her, but she was lied to and used because she doesn’t deserve the respect as a person – only her skills as a writer matter, right?
- And when Null/Topaz abandoned their first Komaeda blog they had a fallout with their then-best friend and a few other people. I wonder what it was about.
Topaz says that I branded them as a villain, but I did nothing of the sort: they were the ones acting like a villain, having such a toxic behavior towards their RP partners. All I did was to bring this behavior to light, both in a way to expose the lies spread about myself and my friends, and to protect people from similar events. How many “friends” did Topaz badmouthed and used?
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon
