yo a ti cas

Normal girl ❤20❤talk to me

[kiki-strike]

pinned post

hi i’m cassie i’m 20 and i never learned how 2 read

i did not name myself after castiel supernatural it’s just a coincidence 😭

she/it/whatever

aceflux sapphic

neurodivergent

i post about:

avatar the last airbender

disenchantment

futurama

supernatural

it’s always sunny in philadelphia

solar opposites

general stuff about my life

i post somewhat frequently about my mental health which includes alcoholism, depression, and eating disorders among other things. all are tagged appropriately. please let me know if i’ve missed something.

i don’t have a dni just don’t be gross n terrible or you’ll get blocked

my miscecanis/omegaverse blog is @softomegaposting

[vintagegeekculture]

1947

[dat-soldier]

kid had a great week

[cultivating-wildflowers]

happy 77 years to the best week of this kid's life

[fan-fricking-fiction]

Pit babe ft. commentary textposts

[ooppo]

shhhhh guys be quiet we need to be quiet or else the bears will hear us. as long as we all keep quiet (everyone liking this post) we will be fine just don't do anything to alert the bears okay?

[honeysucklebuttons]

ASSERT THE PEARS?? HUH??

[ooppo]

SHHHH OH MY GOD STOP THE BEARS ARE LOOKING THIS WAY

[stonerpunk]

?

[ooppo]

everyone be quiet oh my fucking god ....

[ooppo]

‌

[ooppo]

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[ooppo]

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[arachnidsgrrip]

:33 < jegus fuck!!

[crimepope]

"What was that?"

...

"Must be my imagination."

[secrett-clown]

HoNk :o)

[ooppo]

you two Homestuck motherfuckers better shut the fuck up or I swear to GOD.

[arachnidsgrrip]

:33 < whoopsies okay i will be extra quiet!

[ooppo]

Thank you nepeta from Homestuck. It looks like the bear has left, I think we can all quietly head back to the car...wait...where's the fucking car?

[waxydoll]

[ooppo]

MY FUCKING CAR

[ooppo]

Post cancelled, MOTHERFUCKING DYKEYAOI?? ARE U KIDDING ME?? That's the coolest fucking username ever. What's next? faggotyuri??

[dykeyaoi]

@faggotyuri :D

[faggotyuri]

Hey what's going on in this thread

[ooppo]

HOLY SHIT FAGGOTYURI

[ooppo]

Everyone give it up for @Dykeyaoi and @Faggotyuri make sure to clap really really loud 📢

[sombersalt]

@dykeyaoi and @faggotyuri have pleased the bears, we are saved

[ooppo]

Yes officer that's the bear that stole my fucking car get his ass

[kiki-strike]

i found the radio station we listened to 24/7 in res and im listening to it bcz im in a werird sentimental mood and i forgot that one of the mcs has my irl name :')

im also sad they're not playing the same songs,,,, wdym the top 40 today isn't the same as it was two years ago,,,,,,

[kiki-strike]

I left them a message and told them to play butter lahdjfnffmcm

[kiki-strike]

i found the radio station we listened to 24/7 in res and im listening to it bcz im in a werird sentimental mood and i forgot that one of the mcs has my irl name :')

im also sad they're not playing the same songs,,,, wdym the top 40 today isn't the same as it was two years ago,,,,,,

[kiki-strike]

coming back 2 tumblr bcz my irls need a break from the incessant insanity that leaks from my brain

[kiki-strike]

OBSESSED W THEM!!!!!!!!!!

[kiki-strike]

hi would you mind tellin me what ed ward was like? i might have to go there at some point and im scared also sorry if im phrasing it wrong and also also if you're more comfy dming or not answering at all thats fine

Hi yes I can!! And you can dm me if you want or send another ask if you have more questions :)

So there’s two kinds of 24-hour ED care, inpatient and residential. Inpatient is usually inside of a hospital, sometimes integrated with the psych ward (hence “ed ward”). This is where people that aren’t medically stable go (think serious heart conditions, people who flat-out refuse to eat, people who need to be in a locked ward to be safe). I haven’t been to inpatient ed, so I can’t say much on that subject. I do know that you typically stay in inpatient much shorter than residential.

I was in residential for four months. Usually ED treatment takes longer than treatment for depression and such and it’s not uncommon for people to go into residential more than once, but it’s pretty rare for residential to last more than six months. It’s expected that you’ll do a step-down plan which means after you leave res you’ll do a PHP and an IOP (PHP is when you live at home but go to programming during the day, usually 40-60hrs a week with all meals there, and IOP is usually half a day 2-3 times a week).

My res was three houses in a neighborhood (not in a row) and we would all go to the biggest house during the day. There was usually 2-3 group therapy sessions and 2-3 classes (DBT skills, nutrition, etc) per day, every day (inc weekends). We spent the rest of our time doing leisure stuff and eating.

Meals took up a HUGE portion of the day because we got half an hour for each meal, and then there was another half hour for supplements, plus 15 minutes for snacks and 15 minutes for snack supplements, so that amounts to… 4.5 hours every day. The way meals worked was each person got their own plate, to their own needs (some people got tiny amounts bc refeeding, some people got huge amounts bc restoration, etc). You got to choose 3 blacklisted foods that they would never give you, other than that if you didn’t like the food you had to suck it up. I chose spicy food, eggplant, and I think peanut butter? Because being vegetarian didn’t count (though I told them I was vegan instead because I was scared of milk😔). If you didn’t finish your food you got supplemented - 1/2 a sup for eating 3/4 but not finishing, one sup for 1/2-3/4, and two supps for eating less than half. Our supps were Kate Farms unless you had other dietary restrictions; I got switched to ensure clear halfway through because I went on a Kate Farms boycott to get it haha, WORTH IT ensure clear I love you. You had to sit at supps table for the whole half hour or until you finished it (it was a socially-acceptable choice to just sit there for half an hour). If you didn’t drink your sup you lost privileges for the next day, but unless you’d been there for a few months you didn’t actually *have* any, so… privileges were going on our daily 10 minute walk, the weekly strip mall field trip, and if you were VERY LUCKY going to the bathroom with the door closed. During meals there were a lot of blacklisted topics because yknow. Bad Time Let’s Be Nice. If you weren’t eating staff would gently encourage you but wouldn’t be mean about it, and the other patients would too. It’s pretty hard to fake eating there, but not impossible, and definitely impossible to do it without other patients seeing (because we all watched each other eat So Closely and we know all our tricks…) and other patients ratting you out is a definite possibility. You weren’t allowed to leave the table during meals but sometimes it happens. If you didn’t eat for two days they sent you to inpatient (they couldn’t actually force you to eat in res, but in IP they can tube you).

In our free time we all got really close. Everybody had a roommate and we slept in real bedrooms with our own bathrooms (which we could only use at night, they were locked during the day). A lot of us crocheted, there was lots of reading and coloring. We were allowed an hour of screen time, including TV, a day but that was taken away if you were Really Bad (think screaming fit not like “didn’t eat fear food”). If you were still in high school you were expected to do that (online) during free time (which was also a ticket to unlimited computer time during free time lolol, same with AA). The people you go to res to become like a weird version of your family, you’re together for months with ONLY each other doing something very emotionally taxing, so like within the first few days boom you now have 15 new best friends. It’s also very insular in that there are trends? Within your res? I started a rock painting trend, and also pestered staff enough that they finally let us garden (this was just me gardening and everyone else reading in the yard). Everybody listened to top 50 pop even if they hated it, because at res you like it (I’m very attached to billboard pop 2021 still), we all watched every Keanu Reeves movie because it’s funny to say that you have (none of us even liked him that much).

At res everything is funny because everything’s so bad? It’s this sort of delirious sheen that takes over everything, like looking at the world through a soap bubble. That said I was also on the maximum dose of seroquil. Everyone’s super supportive, not like the movies. If they didn’t actually want to recover they didn’t say anything about it.

Staff there consisted of three types: the babysitters (I don’t know their real titles), mostly college girls who babysat us and ran the houses, the therapists/psychiatrists who ran groups and did individual therapy, and the nurses. There was a nurse on staff until 11 every night, because we all had hot girl stomach issues and sometimes hot girl heart problems. They took blood once a week and there was a doctor that saw you once a month or if you complained about something long enough. The babysitters were all really nice though some were less pushover-y than others (let you stay on computer longer etc). They said they did room sweeps once a week but I had contraband they never found. They also said we weren’t allowed to touch each other for more than five seconds at a time (I am the reason that rule exists haha) but like… you have a roommate for a reason!! (I’m not even talking about sex I just mean snuggling ;-;)

In terms of visitors you mostly only got your parents or if you were married your spouse, maaaybe somebody’s friends came once? But not common. You’re not allowed alone time with your visitors (like prison!) and anything they give you has to be searched by staff (same as stuff you order online or buy on the strip mall field trips). A lot of rules are very very strict because people with eating disorders are masters at worming their way out of things which sucks but makes sense.

There were some unsavory things that happened to me there that I’d like not to talk about here, just know that when you go, it’s very possible for staff to lie to your parents/caretakers to the point that they don’t believe you. It is very hard to leave once you check yourself in, and if you do leave before they let you, that’s called AMA and your insurance won’t pay for the part of your stay you did already (which for me was $2k a day. For four months). Once you go there you’ve basically handed over your rights indefinitely to the program in exchange for learning how to eat good and not die. Which is better than dying but not amazing either, but that’s the way it is.

Some other unintended side effects:

1. If you were scared of blood draws before you went in you won’t be when you come out.

2. You’ll be able to pee anywhere no more pee shyness. Along those lines we had to describe our shit every morning to the nurse in earshot of everybody? So you won’t be embarrassed about that any more.

3. You might forget to close the bathroom door the first few months you’re home.

4. You’ll become very attached to some foods in res and then when you get out can never eat those foods again. For me that’s biscoff cookie butter.

5. You’ll be WAY less on your phone. You’ll know how to sit and wait instead of going on your phone immediately for entertainment.

All in all I’d say you get more freedom than the locked ward and less freedom than rehab, but stay longer than both of them combined. Fellow patients are awesome, staff is a mostly positive mixed bag, and activities are dismal (eating).

I wish you so much luck in recovery. You can do this! Every meal is a new beginning. I believe in you!

A funny for you for making it this far:

[kiki-strike]

Sorry I haven’t been active here guys I’ve been busy doing stupid stuff but i am happier doing other things and not being on tumblr as much.

Love you all

(Flashing gif under cut)

[thedeanaconda]

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Look how wholesome and cute this is. You would never believe this is the mommy/daddy omegaverse breeding kink fast and furious AU

[paulfrankjuliusthemonkey]

good afternoon fellow faildaughters

[johnsotherbastard]

We all HORRENDOUSLY overlook the fact that Sam has canonically been told by his mom to put his damn iPad away while they're at the dinner table. That's so fucking funny Sam Winchester thirty-four year old ipad kid.

[kiki-strike]

Ughhhh my dad has to do this stupid diet for his colonoscopy and like. I know I should be sympathetic. I should be nicer in my head to him (I am being nice out loud). But like that’s the guy that called me “butters” (from South Park) for 20 years. Oh I’m soooo sorry you have to liquid fast for ONE SINGLE DAY. That sounds just terrible. Now imagine doing your stupid colonoscopy diet every day for nine years. Doesn’t that sound fun! Because that’s what butters did!

[kiki-strike]

I dooooon’t feel good I really do not feel good like shit hanging out with my friends is so scary and tiring but right now it’s just like. I want to sit on your couch and hold your hand.

[kiki-strike]

FUCKKKKKKK I love ao3 sm but the one thing it’s missing is FUCKING GENRES. Maybe it’s just bc I grew up on ffn but like. Why can’t I filter by humor. I don’t want angst I want them to experience terrible things in a FUNNY WAY. Ffn babygirl am so sorry we’ve abandoned you😔😔😔😔