*STARBOY !

DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME, YOU AINT DYING FOR ME. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A LOT OF MONEY. I'M SELLING THE GAME, COME BUY IT FROM ME. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING LIKE FUCK EVERYBODY, THAT'S HOW I KNEW THAT I NEEDED TO SMOKE.

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— DIXIE !! ]

“i totally get that. i swear my mother and grandmother make enough food for fifty when they only have to feed fifteen.” dixie smiled, thanksgiving was a holiday she thoroughly enjoyed. this year she was able to spend it with her own family, rather than dalton’s, and had traveled back to texas to enjoy a few days of food, family and football. “my trainer is definitely going to kick my ass on monday, but so worth that extra piece of pecan pie.”

| ◤° [ ‘ SOUNDS LIKE YOURS had the same idea that mine had. ’ though, with that thought in mind, killian had probably eaten enough food for fifteen people. ‘ pecan pie. never understood it. never liked it. it’s just sugar. how the fuck does anyone eat that? ’ 

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— CARA MIA !! ]

          ‘ since thursday is now dead and gone, you won’t have to worry about seeing another one for a whole year. ’ adriana replied with a purse of her lips. she wasn’t sure why people seemed to forget one day out of the year that turkey was arguably the worst type of protein, but she digressed. she liked thanksgiving for the family, not the food. ‘ isn’t that everyone’s resolution the day after thanksgiving ? ’ 

| ◤° [ ‘ SHHH, ’ HER VOICE alone could cause headaches, his hand raising to hush her. ‘ don’t ruin the mood. i’m gonna go home and eat a turkey sandwich, i don’t care if it’s dead and gone in your mind. thanksgiving is like a week long thing, where did you grow up? ’ not that killian could speak much having not even been born in america. ‘ is it? i thought that was a new year’s thing. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— AUGUST !! ]

“nothing beats the feast of thanksgiving, even though i can’t eat for the following week.” august laughed, knowing the feeling all to well. thanksgiving was one of his favorite holidays, purely for the food and the fact that he could spend it with his whole family. plus he enjoyed football just as much as the next guy. “well i’m starting back tomorrow if you wanna join.”

| ◤° [ ‘ NAH, THAT’S WHEN you keep stuffing yourself. no limits, man. ’ he wasn’t the best at knowing when to quit, but killian knew that he’d be stuffing his face as soon as he got home. ‘ you’re going to the gym two days after thanksgiving? do you hate yourself? ’

[killicns-blog]

| ◤° [ ‘ I DON’T WANT to see another turkey. another dressing. i don’t want to see anymore food in general for at least two weeks. ’ he’d conceived the notion that the only good thing about thanksgiving was the fact that his over eating had likely soaked the copious amounts of alcohol he’d been ingesting as of late. soberness was heavy, felt off, but he had to at least try because carmen was doing the same for him. he’d liked watching her with his mother, liked the calm and quiet of seeing his step father and half siblings with his mother and the love of his life - though it had nagged him in the back of his mind, the conversation he’d had with his cousin. ‘ i feel like, i actually need to start going to the gym now. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— LUZ !! ]

     red tainted his vision in a bloody and pulsing mess. the throb of a vein somewhere in the base of his skull reverberating, echoing, fit to burst and trigger the bubbling, hot rage that boiled there. ‘ where’s YOURS? mommy and daddy and baby makes three, right? ’ his tone balanced precariously on the barbed wire that stretched between an eerie calmness and uncontrollable anger. reaching for one of the passing waitresses, luz snatched a bottle of his very own brand alcohol from her tray and popped the cap to pour the contents at killian’s feet. ‘ you thirsty? this will make you feel better, kid. this will fix ALL your problems, trust me. ’ tipping over the edge, he spared a a glance at his poor excuse for a relative. each word he lashed at luz had seared him enough to leave a permanent mark, but he couldn’t act on it, no. this was all the control he could exert. ‘ THIS helped me get rid of my fucking mother. my father too. lost my girl for a long while, but it doesn’t look like your bitch needs a drunken daddy to make her fade away. ’ luz was in control, he was ALWAYS in control. letting things go any further would only make him lose it again; make him lose everyone again. he shoved the bottle and its remaining contents against killian’s chest and spun on his heel. this couldn’t go any further; he wouldn’t let it. 

| ◤° [ TONGUE RUNNING OVER dry lips, green eyes scanning over freckled features that resembled the devil himself; killian kept his composure, but leant dangerously close to his younger cousin to make it clear the words that came out of his mouth next were for no one other than luz. ‘ you’re still just that annoying little MISTAKE that your parents couldn’t wait to get rid of. and that’s all you’re going to be. you’re that THING people look back on and think ‘ fuck, why did i do that to myself? ’ you’re a learning lesson for everyone around you to not be like you. to not w a n t you. to not LOVE you. ’ his hand screamed to form a fist, connect with soft muscle and tissue and draw blood, but he wasn’t going to disappoint carmen. he had to be good enough for her. she was all ready so much better, so much purer, more fragile, more pristine than he’d ever be ( cracks and flaws included, but that added to her beauty ). he wasn’t going to let her leave him in the dust with her new sobriety when he was still just the mess she’d reeled in years ago that had yet to change. he felt on a high, untouchable and invincible, the likes of luz wouldn’t lower that. ‘ you’d know all about being a drunken daddy, wouldn’t you? should i ask SIA about it or would i get a more honest answer from RYAN about what it’s like having one? ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— LUZ !! ]

     ‘ must be a family thing. ’ he attempted to lull himself into a false sense of calm, something that would speak rationally to the throbbing thoughts that jabbed mercilessly at his patience. an echo rang in his mind, a voice he knew all too well, soothing and softening the undeniably true shot killian had fired. the laugh it triggered in him was sharp enough to sound over the blaring music, close enough that killian could pick apart every freckle if he so wished. ‘ and what does that make you? i threw my money at this party and you’re quite literally lapping my shit up. i don’t particularly care about making you all better but, then again, i don’t think ANYONE does. ’

| ◤° [ ‘ AND WHAT DO you know about family? where is yours? ’ from an outsider’s perspective, they had nothing in common. despite being true, it paled in comparison to the canyon that lay between the two. all he had ever known of luz was a spoilt brat, hearing only what his distant uncle of some sorts in some way would tell him about his disappointment of a son. killian had been less than impressed with luz when they were children and that underwhelmed assumption had only followed through the years. ‘ fuck you. ’ the taller male hissed, sickened laugh following echoing out hollowly with the bass of the music that muted their conversation to all others. ‘ you sure you’re not confusing me for you? because at least MY mother loves me. at least my girlfriend? she’s still my girlfriend. if i asked her to marry me, she wouldn’t say NO. and what have you got, ADRIAN? lapping shit up, i’ve got my own shit. i don’t need yours. and sia doesn’t need it either, but you can’t let that go, can you? gotta feel like she still has to come to you for something so you throw her a big party to congratulate her; remind her that you still control the shit in her life, right? or, no. you guys are FRIENDS again so you’re just being n i c e and it has nothing to do with your stupid need to always, in some way, be the fucking centre of attention and control everything. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— LUZ !! ]

      moments like these brought to light the true reasons behind killian being his relative, but not his FAMILY. few fell into the latter category, and while killian wasn’t in any way like luz’s parents, the drunken and aggressive behaviour the taller brunet was displaying hit somewhere a little too close to home. ‘ you done? ’ doing his best not to rise to the bait, luz’s expression was indifferent and, above all, cold. he and sia had been doing so well; this party was for HER and he couldn’t let himself and killian ruin it. ‘ go home, man. ’

| ◤° [ VIBRANT EYES NARROWED, something in his mind magnifying the minimal speech delivered to him. what was nothing more than a series of dead words delivered with no heat were grating against every sensitive nerve ending in his body. ‘ don’t fucking talk to me like you’re better than me. ’ he felt two people; the rational one that wondered where this was coming from as his grip turned white knuckled around the glass in his hand, but the other half said that luz always thought he was better than EVERYONE. ‘ you think you’re so great because you what? did what you a l w a y s do? throw your money at shit to make it all better? ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— @luzvimindos !! ]

| ◤° [ ‘ THE FUCK YOU lookin’ at? ’ interactions with his cousin were rare, most forgetting the two were even distantly related because they spent so little time with one another and most conversations were met with tensed posture and faintly hostile air. killian was on a high, a good one for once, and he wanted to ride it out without anyone crossing him. there wasn’t the weighted feeling of his heart beating too heavily in his chest and he wanted to enjoy that feeling. ‘ don’t give me that fucking look when your threw a whole party for a girl that can barely stand you. don’t fucking judge me when you’re out here spending how much on someone that thinks you’re fucking pathetic. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— @trista-y !! ]

| ◤° [ ‘ SO, YOU GONNA tell me how great i look tonight or what? ’ crooked smirked, slurred words, glazed over eyes, killian had been far gone before the amas had even begun - at this point, he was one shot away from a blacked out mess. ‘ you gotta compliment me, tris. that’s what friend do. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— ELLE !! ]

“I’ve already gotten hundreds of Tweets about how ‘Rosie Sheridan being a lesbian is ruining my childhood!’ I’m just like, first off – I’m not Rosie Sheridan, I’m the actress that played her once. Second, y’all must have had some pretty weak childhoods if that’s what it takes to ruin it.”

| ◤° [ ‘ WELL, I GUESS you and bella thorne can start a support group. ’ a potentially horrid attempt at a joke, killian had never claimed to be the least bit funny. carmen always laughed, then again carmen loved him. 

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— KAI !! ]

☆ · ˚ . ✦ . ˚ Kai sighed as he looked down at his phone. His eyes scanning through tweets that had been tweeted to him. Letting out a slight chuckle in an effort to seem calm about the situation. ❝ It’s funny how people try to make something out of nothing. I love my girlfriend very much. Just because I was getting very close to that guy in those photos doesn’t mean anything. We’re pretty much close bros like damn. Can a man not hold his bro’s hand? ❞ He lied through is teeth, putting his phone down.

| ◤° [ ‘ IS THAT A real question? ’ the other was just rattling off and killian wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be answering any of it or not. with his own girlfriend nearly surgically attached to his hip, there was little speculation ever about his fidelity despite his past with trista. ‘ like, really, man. is that a legit question? because, no offence, but i don’t know shit that’s going on with you. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— ALLY !! ]

ally’s fingers swirled around her phone, a new letter flashing by everytime her fingers moved. she finished up the last text to her brother before sliding the phone back into her back pocket. her back pressed against her black backpack as she slid her headphones over her ears, absorbing the sounds of the slow r&b beats. her eyes gazed at the sky. she gently hummed to the tune of a song she’d been working on. “i never understood why we’re placed inside this mold. plastic smiles and perfect bodies make for cold souls. it’s just a game, not for….” she paused as a figure approached her. she turned, facing the other. “um…did you..need something?” the brunette questioned, slowly.

| ◤° [ HE’D HARDLY SEEN the girl, sitting and lost in her own world, until he was practically right on top of her. the voice startled him more than anything, killian looking down with a lost expression before realising that he’d seemed to be walking toward her from anyone else’s vantage point. ‘ ah, shit. sorry. i wasn’t really paying attention to where i was going. i wasn’t walking... to you. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— AURORA !! ]

“The text you got from me last night was a wrong number. A completely and utterly wrong number. My phone died and I can’t find my charger – I would never send anything like that to you!”

| ◤° [ ‘ I THINK YOU’VE got the wrong person because i definitely didn’t get a text from you last night. ’ at least, he couldn’t remember one. his phone was lying somewhere, dead and forgotten in his car. 

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— BAY !! ]

・ 。* An audible groan left her after she took a bite, the complimentary, luxury sweets up for grabs in the lobby tasting far, far better than she expected. Really good. ❛❛ What? ❜❜ Her voice muffled, hand coming to cover the food in her mouth, she rose an eyebrow. ❛❛ Don’t give me that look. ❜❜ A slight roll of her eyes, reached out for another. ❛❛ I’m just trying to enjoy what little time I have left before the team puts me in full on diet mode for whatever they put me in for the AMA’s. ❜❜

| ◤° [ ‘ NOT JUDGING. MUCH. ’ she did, in his mind, resemble a child that would scream if you came too near their candy stash, but to each there own. ‘ i guess i understand where you’re coming from? not like, that much. i eat chocolate pretty much every day so i’m never really vying for candy. ’ 

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— PRINCESS !! ]

        ice cold air vacated her lungs in the crush of their bodies. like the aftermath of a car crash she could feel the scars, where the glass cut them too deep and refused to let flesh heal. he was supposed to be happy for her, for them, and see how big of a leap this was for their relationship. she wasn’t going to hurt him anymore, he had to know that and feel it in the way she clung to him like a second skin, but something about it all felt so lackluster; like a million promises that had been made before only to be lost in the fray of mutual self-destruction that was their default setting. ‘ i love you the most, okay? ’ her words muffled themselves against his chest, bare tiptoes having lifted her to where she thought his heart might be. that was as much as she allowed herself to get lost in – the feeling of him HOME, flush against her chest and holding on just as hard as she was – before leaning back to smooth her thumbs over the shallow dips and hollows of his cheeks, painfully tender touches that hadn’t been exchanged between them in longer than she could remember. ‘ what’s wrong, daddy? you can tell me. ’

| ◤° [ ‘ YEAH. ’ HOLLOW REPLY, DISTRACTED mind; he was happy. as happy as he could be in the moment, but happy none the less. any joy, however, was overshadowed by the thoughts that raced his mind now reinforcing what he’d always thought before: he wasn’t good enough for her. killian had always and would only ever want the best for carmen, the brightest for her future, but he couldn’t see how he’d fit into that. not way the way he was. shaking his head, forcing himself to be more genuine to ease her worries because this was meant to be a GOOD THING for them. ‘ nothing, baby. nothing’s wrong. i’m happy. i’m really happy for you ’ lacklustre delivery, due to either his own insecurities or the numbingly painful headache caused by his hangover, killian hated how dull he sounded. ‘ i promise we’re good, okay? i’m sorry i made you do this alone, but i’m so proud of you, princess. ’ tipping his head down, the rapper placed a soft kiss to her nose, forehead pressing against hers as he added, ‘ thank you. ’

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— TRISTA !! ]

“because that’s all people care about duh. fuck your music, they wanna know who and why and how you’re fucking.”

| ◤° [ ‘ YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO be on my side, tris. you’re supposed to feel BAD for me when i complain. ’ 

[killicns-blog]

[ ◤·°— SULI !! ]

“ well you kind of signed up to talk about your life and your girlfriend is apart of that so. ” shrugging she messed with her bangs absentmindedly. honestly suli had been checked out of this conversation since it started and she couldn’t help but display that in her behavior. “ people ask me about my husband all the time. ” she shrugged, “ just don’t answer the question but no amount of bitching will keep them from asking people are curious by nature. ”

| ◤° [ ‘ SULI, YOU JUST live to ruin things with logic, don’t you? ’ killian groaned, reaching for the water that sat between them and took greedy gulps from the bottle. he was dehydrated, his head was aching, and all he could think of was the fact that he was sick of getting asked about carmen. ‘ you know what? the queen of bitching does not get to comment on my bitching. ’