ΛCRИM FW1819
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵

if i look back, i am lost
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@killingstonewisdom
ΛCRИM FW1819
I will never forget the moment my abusive father used the “I turned out fine!” to defend his upbringing.
Anyone who wants kids, I want you to spend real time every day preparing yourself for what you’ll do when your child backtalks. When your child points out something you hoped they were too naive to notice. When your child is completely aware of your insecurity and fallability. When your child may exceed your capabilities academically. When your child is not just hurt but angry with you. When your child won’t take ‘no’ for a sufficient answer. When you must explain yourself to a child.
When the authority you imagined you had over them begins to waver, and they become someone so different than the fantasy you had of them before they were born.
That is going to matter the most. What will you do?
Botanopathy.
“If you give children a vocabulary that’s large enough and complex enough to express their emotions and their ideas, you give them access to complex feelings and emotions in themselves. So that if you talk to a teenager and all they can say about how they feel is BAD, and they haven’t got, you know, a larger vocabulary for lonely, abused, insecure, frightened…I mean there’s this huge panoply which…I remember when my daughter was just telling me that she just felt bad, I bought her a thesaurus. I said, “Look up, is it sort of over lonely, or is it insecure…and look up under lonely, you’ll find two hundred words for lonely. Which one?” But what that does is that it makes you feel that there’s this huge complexity of emotions and there are words for all of them. If you want children to feel less frustrated and less disenfranchised and less unable to even feel comfortable with their own emotions, you’ll have to give them a vocabulary that’s as complicated as their inner lives. And one of the things we see in children is this incredibly reduced capacity for reporting their inner lives to the exterior world. One of the things is just teaching them poems, just teaching them to memorize poems in school, they don’t have to interpret them, if they just internalize the language of the poem, the complexity of the emotion in the poems…” -Jorie Graham, in a conversation
My disdain for cops is institutional, not individual. Just because you may have a positive personal relationship with someone who is a cop doesn’t change the fact that the law enforcement system in this country is rooted in white supremacy and is used to repress and control the working class while protecting the elite.
All cops have signed up to enforce a system which is oppressing marginalized people in this country on a daily basis. Your personal relationship with an agent of oppression does not change this fact.
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma.
Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. “
- Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
This isn’t what I usually write about, but I think it’s important.
early morning thoughts:
take responsibility for yourself.
take responsibility for your actions.
understand the role you play in the way your life unfolds. understand your role in your failed relationships and friendships. no longer will you point the finger. instead, look at the experience from all perspectives. understand that when you are able to accept fault, discipline yourself, and educate yourself, you are aligning yourself to a higher energy. the more focused your energy and mind state is, the less likely you are to continually attract unwanted manifestations. take responsibility of yourself and your experiences.
forgive yourself along the way.
Grounding
WHAT IS GROUNDING?
Grounding is a set of simple strategies to detach from emotional pain for example (cravings, self harm urges, emotional eating behaviour etc.) Grounding can also be a way of returning your attention to the outside world and away from yourself. In the case of dissociation.
WHY PRACTICE GROUNDING TECHNIQUES?
When you are overwhelmed with emotional pain, you need a way to detach so that you can gain control over your feelings and stay safe. As long as you are grounding, you are more likely to be able to overcome urges. Grounding ‘anchors’ you to reality.
Many people with PTSD and dissociative disorders struggle with either feeling too much (overwhelming emotions and memories) or too little (numbing and dissociation). In grounding, you attain balance between the two—conscious of reality and ability to tolerate it.
GUIDELINES:
§ Grounding can be done any time, anywhere and no one has to know.
· § Use grounding when you are: faced with a trigger, having a flashback or dissociating.
· § Keep your eyes open, look around the room, and make sure the light is good to stay in touch with the present.
· § Rate your mood before and after to test whether it worked. Before grounding, rate your level of
· § emotional pain, or your level of dissociation. Then re-rate it afterwards. Has it gone down?
· Try not to make judgements or think negatively. The idea is to distract from the negatives.
· § Stay neutral—no judgments of good or bad.
· § Focus on the present, not the past or future.
· § Grounding is much more active than relaxation exercises and focuses your attention.
Grounding is deemed to be a better way of coping with PTSD and dissociative disorders than relaxation practice. As during relaxation the focus is too much within the body, which at the worst may bring on flashbacks.
WAYS TO GROUND
MENTAL GROUNDING
o ♣ Describe to yourself in detail your surroundings: For example “The walls are white, there are three pink chairs and a blue sofa. There is a picture of a brown border collie on the wall with a gold frame around it.” You can do this out loud if appropriate, or in your head if you are in public.
o ♣ Play a game like “Scattergories” in your head or with a friend or family member. Choose a letter of the alphabet and try and come up with as many examples of a category you choose as you can. For example C … Boys names: Christopher, Curtis, Carl, Charles etc.
o ♣ Do an age progression. IThis can be particularly useful if you have dissociated or regressed to a younger alter or state. For example in my experiences I have an alter who is three. So I might say… Now I am four, I am at home with Mummy and Daddy and I can do (an example of an age appropriate activity) alone. Work your way up until you are back to your current age. This may not always work for little alters, but can help.
o ♣ Describe an everyday activity in great detail. For example if you like gardening “I open the shed door and pull out the lawn mower, I connect it to a power supply and climb on. I turn the key and put it into drive….”
o ♣ Imagine. For example make up a nice little story in your head, or out loud. “I am putting some roller skates on, and I am slowly gliding away from all my emotional suffering down a beautiful smooth lane, having fun listening to my favourite music LOUD!”
o ♣ Say a safety statement. ‘My name is _________; I am safe right now. I am in the present, not the past. I am in _____________ the date is _____________.
· ♣ Read something, saying each word to yourself. Or read each letter backwards so that you focus or the letters and not on the meaning of words.
· ♣ Use humour: For example have a “Funny Memory Bank” where you store up your favourite witty moments for those detached, rainy days.
· ♣ Count to 100 or say the alphabet very slowly or very fast.
· ♣ Repeat something meaningful to yourself, such as a prayer or quote. For example you could use the Serenity Prayer.
PHYSICAL GROUNDING
û Run cool or warm water over your hands.
û Grab tightly onto your chair as hard as you can.
· û Touch various objects around you: a pen. keys, your clothing, the table, the walls. Pay close attention to colours, weights, textures etc.
· û Firmly stamp your feet on the floor, literally grounding yourself. Feel the tension of your feet against the pressure of the floor.
· û Carry a ground object in your pocket—a small object such as a rock, stone, crystal, bead, piece of string or cloth, or a stress ball that you can touch whenever you feel triggered.
· û Jump up and down.
· û Stretch reach upwards and pull yourself tall. Extend your arms, legs, fingers and toes.
· û Walk slowly, noticing each footstep.
· û Eat something yummy. Notice the flavours, textures and feelings that come up for you.
SOOTHING GROUNDING
· ♥ Use Cheerleading statements, as if you were talking to a small child. For example “You are having a difficult time adjusting to these chanes, but you are doing so well. You should be proud of yourself.”
· ♥ Think of favorites. Think of your favorite color, animal, season, food, time of day, TV show.
· ♥ Picture people you care about. Even get a photobook made of positive pictures or pictures of people you love! Such a simple nice way to ground, and you can get A4 photo books at the moment from GroupOn for under £7!! (I in no way endorse them I just thought it was a good offer!)
· ♥ Remember the words to an inspiring song, quotation or poem that you like or feel positively about. Maybe write out the words and decorate it for your wall.
· ♥ Remember a safe place. Describe a place that you find very soothing it could be when you went on holiday to the beach, or walking in the woods. Or just a time you felt safe and peaceful at home in your living room or in bed.
· ♥ Plan out a safe treat for yourself, such as a trip to a coffee shop with a friend, making a nice dinner or a bath with some nice toiletries or candles if you feel safe to use them
· ♥ Think of things you are looking forward to in the next week. Perhaps schedule your time so you build some structure for chores and pleasurable activities. It can help to know what you are doing and also not just sit at home with nothing to do. This can cause difficulties.
WHAT IF GROUNDING DOESN’T WORK?
♠ Practice as often as possible. Even when you don’t feel overwhelmed or dissociative. This way it will come more naturally to you when you are struggling.
♠ Practice faster. Speeding up the pace gets you focused on the outside world quickly. ♠ Try grounding for a Ioooong time 20 mins at least, and then repeat !! ♠ Try to notice whether you do better with physical or mental or soothing grounding.
♠ Create your own methods of grounding. Any method you make up may be worth much more than those you read here because it is yours.
♠ Start grounding early in a negative mood cycle. Start when you begin to feel the early warning signs of dissociation or when you have just started having a flashback.
Please keep this circulating. Cops are getting more and more brazen, know your rights!
good to know
Reblogging every time this goes past
I had to learn my rights the hard way…read this, study it, memorize it, this is insanely valuable information.
Portraits of the women of Botswana's heavy metal subculture
South African photographer Paul Shiakallis produced a series of photos, “Leathered Skins, Unchained Hearts,” of the “queens” of Botswana’s heavy metal “Marok” scene, mostly in their homes.
The portraits were shot in the Gaborone, the capital city, and display the tension between traditional Botswanan patriarchy and transgressive self-expression. The Maroks cross over with Botswana’s biker scene, which, in turn, borrows elements from the country’s farmers, like leather vests.
http://boingboing.net/2015/12/24/portraits-of-the-women-of-bots.html
How to Care Less about what Other People Think
1. Know what matters to you, personally – what you stand for, and what your values are .
2. Don’t be anxious about breaking social norms. The more often you do this, and go against the flow, the less it will bother you to simply be yourself.
3. Decide not to live as a people pleaser, or to get upset and take rejection personally.
4. Hang out with people who are self confident, who know what they believe in, and what they want from life. You’ll find their self-confidence will rub off on you, too, and you’ll start to worry less about what other people think.
5. Working on becoming more competent in the skills and areas that matter to you. That will naturally enhance your self confidence, and develop a self image that is strong and positive.
6. Travel, or spend time with lots of different people. That will show you how diverse attitudes and outlooks are. That is, there’s no one way of being – so find, and be, yourself.
Eartha Kitt and Josphine Baker, 1950s
In this 1943 letter, civil rights icon Ella Baker sends a passionate plea for potential members for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) for a variety of planned initiatives on behalf of the organization.
Makiba Foster, our Assistant Chief Librarian, reads the letter aloud.
IN THE NEWS
“Celebrating Octavia Butler: A Visionary Among Futurists”
by Emanuella Grinberg
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http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/10/living/octavia-butler-radio-imagination-feat/index.html
fiveanddiamond
Gorgeous.