killuagirly

❝What an amazing sound... you only ever get to hear it up here above the water.❞

[killuagirly]

❝Your job today is to carry on being cute. But don't worry, I'll help.❞

𐔌 Killua · She/They !

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#kil's.writing #kil's.drabbles #kil's.musings

[xiaoale]

permanence — lohen

synopsis. it’s been about two years since you married lohen. in that time, he’s been a perfect gentleman — leaving you to ponder if the rumors about his uncouth behavior are true, and if you ever will truly know your husband. all of a sudden, two years of a perfect marriage unravels in a single night, and it all starts with you catching him watching you in your sleep.

— content. arrangedmarriage!au, suggestive, takes place in the context of canon, stalking/stalking encouragement (but its okay cuz its him), like one or two phrases romanticizing murder and cannibalism (but its okay cuz its him) 🌚, jealousy, implies intimacy with reader being lohen's first time, mutual yearn, reader wears a loose tank top to sleep but no pronouns are used

— notes. 3.1k words, oh and he cries a little bit . we on some freak shit 2day. art by @/kanann_x on twt!

You never knew that red eyes could look pink underneath the pale moonlight.

It makes sense, since you and Lohen have never even shared a room (much less a bed) since you got married, and he’s rarely even in the house when the sun sets, so you wouldn’t know what your husband’s eyes look like at night. The last time you saw his face this close up was two years ago, at the altar. His eyes reminded you of cherries, then — ruby red like blood against pale skin, an intense presence that seemed like they could burn you if you got too close.

They’re softer, now. A gentler flush of light swirled in his irises.

Your voice comes out hoarse.

“… What are you doing in my room?”

Lohen has always been beautiful, even from the distance that he’s put you at. He’s beautiful every time his lips brush your knuckles at dinners with powerful families in Mondstadt, still beautiful when he forsakes you by your lonesome for the rest of the night, leaving you to entertain yourself in other ways. He’s beautiful when you’re strolling the gardens, and you catch him sparring against other knights, and he smiles like it’s the happiest he’s ever been.

Hell, he’s beautiful now — his bangs fallen over his forehead, eyes widened in shock, his chest rising mid-inhale. He’s moved your vanity chair to the side of your bed, elbows perched on the stand right above your previously sleeping form. Lohen's lips move in response to your question, but he doesn’t answer.

You have to blink yourself awake, try to force your words to come out less groggy.

“Did I oversleep?”

He actually answers this time, his tone with the veneer of professionalism.

“No.”

“… Is there an emergency, then? Has someone passed?”

“… No.”

Your heart thuds dully in your chest, confusion swirling in your head. You shift, your head lifting up from your pillow just a little, and Lohen scrambles. The chair falls to the floor with a thud in his hurry to leave, his voice uncharacteristically wavering as he fumbles, “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to come in, please have a good night—”

You prop yourself up in a panic, your hand reaches for his just barely enough to grab his wrist, and he freezes. Your mind races because Lohen hasn’t turned around to face you yet, but you grabbed for his wrist in a hurry, and you had no plan of action for this. With all your might, you tug him backwards — he yelps, forearms falling back on your sheets, his back landing on your lap.

“You are not leaving that easily.” You pant out, scowl on your lips, “What the hell, Lohen?”

He doesn’t respond again, breathing heavily, chest rising and falling rapidly, his eyes blown wide. You watch in real time as the heavy flush at his ears spreads to his cheeks, red blossoming all over his face.

… Ah.

This is Lohen’s first time in a bed with you, you realize.

(And suddenly, your face feels warm too. You wonder if he notices.)

Slowly, you shift again — your thighs raise ever so slightly, so his head is brought closer to you, so you can sit a little more upright.

He's beautiful from this angle, too, and it only steels your resolve more. You’ve been denied the excuse to touch your husband for two years; you might as well take advantage of the opportunity while you have it.

Cautiously, your hand creeps towards him. A part of you is worried he’ll lunge — bite at you like a dog, or run away — but he stays frozen in your lap.

Your palm ghosts the cusp of his chin, tilting his jaw to face you. His skin is so much softer than you imagined, warm and getting warmer — he feels human underneath you.

Your hand travels to the side of his jaw, thumb on his cheek, tracing the deeper red on the apples of his cheek.

Lohen flinches, like your attention on him burns.

He should leave. He should lift himself from your lap, excuse himself to sleep in his cold chambers for the rest of the night so he can think about your touch without going rabid. He should cook you your favorite breakfast tomorrow, apologize profusely with a brilliant excuse for what he was doing in your room the night before.

Lohen knows himself enough to know that he should go. You're the one that stepped into the lion's den, though — a mouse keeping such a beast under it's paw is unheard of, so it's only a matter of time before he'll be strong enough to retreat back into the shadows.

So he stays there, drinking in the sight of you above him with half-lidded eyes, gazing at your lips as they move.

“Were you … watching me in my sleep?”

If only you knew.

He exhales. “Yeah.”

Warmth floods your chest, and your lips move before you can even process your next question. “Do you watch me often?”

Lohen feels like he might die, out of the pure ecstasy his heart can’t take being held by you, or the utter embarrassment of being caught.

“Almost every night.” He spits out, “Whenever I get the chance.”

“… Do you watch me when I'm not sleeping?”

Almost every day, whenever he gets the chance.

He's seen you in every state you've been in — it's not difficult to shrink his duties as the Vice Captain, and it's so easy when he already knows your daily schedule.

He used to chalk it up to keeping you safe. As his partner, you'd automatically be put in more danger than you normally would be, so he'd watch to keep an eye out for any attacks. The only attacks that he'd find out, however, were flirts and eyes from other men.

He wouldn't know what the feeling was when it happened — the something ugly that broiled in his chest, made his bloodlust that much more potent. He'd think about ending them all if he could for a moment — carve out their eyes for looking at you, flay their lips so they couldn't speak, butcher their hands for touching you.

But then you'd laugh. You'd wave your hand to show off the ring on your finger, speak of him, your husband, and all those thoughts would disappear. Because you were his, and he was yours.

Lohen would later find out (through rants with Varka of all people) that the fleeting emotion that overtook him was jealousy, and the emotion he felt towards you was love.

Something sick, tainted and unsure — but love nonetheless.

Lohen feels a rare bout of disgust towards himself. The bear trap he's placed himself in has finally clamped down on his crus, and like any wounded animal, he scrambles for absolution.

A gasp escapes your lips as his head rams into the fat of your stomach, his nose buried into your thigh, arms awkwardly wrapped around your waist. This is certainly the closest he's been to you — he can smell your bodywash through your silk top, just enough to send his panicking mind into overdrive.

“Please don't—” He chokes out, “Please don't leave me — I can be better, I can change, so please don't—”

You can only watch in shock as Lohen babbles on, manic pleas flying from his lips faster than you can process them. His arms squeeze around you, twisting the fabric bunched at your skin, pressing further closer to you. He'd reach past your skin if he could — have his teeth tear into your flesh, burrow into your bones, sink into the fibers of your muscle — he's happy to be a parasite if it means he can be with you—

“Lohen, stop.”

His teeth clamp down on his tongue at your command, just enough to draw blood.

It's embarrassing. The Vice Captain of the Knights of Favonius’ Fifth Company, trembling in his partner's lap, cowering like a child. He can't help it; he can't think properly with you so close to him. Any normal man would knuckle under your warmth, lurch on their axis at your touch, and he is all but just a man—

Your hands cup his cheeks, forcing his face to yours, your noses just inches apart.

It pisses you off — how absolutely angelic he looks, knowing he has so much to apologize for. Tears lace the corners of his eyes like poison on a sharp knife, arched right to your heart. There's a waver of his lips, small knit in his brows, pink in his eyes, the color of love, that makes him that much more pitiful.

“You're acting insane.” Your eye twitches, “I've never met anyone like you.”

“’M sorry,” he mumbles glumly, “I didn't mean for it to go this far.”

(You've never seen a man look more desperate in his life.

And now your heart feels soft again.)

For a moment, there's just silence. Pregnant and heavy, fallen over the two of you. There's not even a rustle on his side, like he's terrified that if he moves, time will go forward again.

“Can I ask why?”

What other reason would there be?

For the first time since being caught, his eyes meet yours wholly. Like you're the only person in the whole world, and his answer is the only truth.

His breath feels tepid on your skin, the shaky inhale and exhale as you await the answer.

“I just like being around you.” He breathes, “… Even when you're unaware of it, I just like you.”

And then his head dips, his cheek nuzzling into the palm of your hand. Like a dog at the heel of its owner, he bathes in the attention you've given him while still begging for more.

“I like you,” he confesses again — it’s not any easier to say it, even now that it's already out in the open. You feel his lips on your skin, not daring to enunciate more than needed, shielding your bare palm from his teeth. “And I’ve been holding back all this time, so please forgive me.”

There's something scrappy in his tone of voice — raw on his tongue, with something frenzied that you can't quite place.

So this is the real Lohen.

Normal? No. Well-adjusted? Certainly not. Like a wolf starving for a meal, he’s gotten himself through with instinct and madness alone. Polite greetings can't quell such a fire, and kisses out of duty will only ignite it further, so he's been staving it off by watching you — but that can't simulate what he truly desires either. He's just as obsessed as you are, to the point where it's debilitating.

Something stirs in your heart.

(Is it bad that this only makes you want him more?)

So you adjust your grip — you sit both of you up straighter on the bed, resting his chin between your propped-up knees.

“I forgive you.” You murmur, finger absentmindedly circling around his cheek, brushing his bangs back. You're impossibly close to him now —enough to see the flutter of his blue eyelashes, the faint freckles that dot his nose.

Your head tilts to the side, moving closer. “And…”

Lohen's breath hitches.

“I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't be yourself around me.”

A peck on his cheek, before you pull back. Far too brief, he'd think he imagined it if you weren't holding him right here.

“I wish you would've told me instead of going to such lengths, y'know.”

Another on his forehead. His neurons feel frayed, sent to death by overstimulation at your touch, his self-control tumbling further and further away, straight to the bear trap shut tightly around his heart.

“It's funny, isn't it?” Your laugh sounds like music to his ears — the crystalflies’ hum that floats around the grapevine at night, the songbirds that wake him up in the morning. “I guess anyone else would be worried about the logistics — how long you've been watching me, what you think about when you watch me, but…”

Your thumb brushes against his eyebags, faint and discolored. And your heart aches for him, because you know the countless hours and dedication he puts into his work, and you know what he puts his body through to keep you safe.

“I'm here worrying if you’re getting enough sleep like this. So now I’m wondering if we were made for eachother.”

He flinches as you kiss him right under his eye, right at the mole — your teeth scrape at his eyebags just lightly, and he shivers. You don’t separate from him completely this time — no, your head tilts until your forehead presses up against his, your noses bumping against the other, your breath on his lips.

You're brighter than the moon outside could ever be, and he can't help but stare with ricochet wonder.

“I just want you as you are. So please don't hide from me.”

Lohen used to imagine what it'd be like to kiss you. Hell, he was thinking about what it'd be like when he was watching you a few minutes ago — for you, he'd be a respectable man, the best he could be.

The second your lips actually touch his, though, the last thread of self-restraint snaps.

His fingers tighten at your shoulders as his face presses against yours, until the back of your skull hits the headboard and he's crawled up over you, caging you between the bed and his body.

It's a foreign feeling — his tongue licking the inside of your lips, teeth bumping awkwardly at how messy it all is — and he tries to keep his thoughts into reign again, tries not to think about how he'd unhinge his jaw to swallow you whole if he could, how he doesn't need another sip of wine ever again if it means getting drunk off of you for the rest of his life.

His partner, his precious partner, mewling vibrations against his lips, thunder in his heart and clouds in his head. Lohen could die happily here, he thinks — you could stab him in the back right now, and he'd have the pleasure of bleeding out in your arms. What an honor it would be to seep into the crevices of your skin, so that no amount of soap or water could ever rid you of him.

You're too sweet, though. Too good for him, so he'll have to stand to sticking his tongue down your throat instead, peeling you open from inside out until the nonsensical sounds you make with your lips learn to form his name instead.

Something carnal bubbles in your chest, like animal to animal alike, saliva in your mouth, melted iron on your tongue.

It's something in the way he laps up your attention, kisses you with a reverence only a devil could, like there's nothing else he'd rather do.

Lohen’s lips separate from yours far earlier than he'd like — his hands weaker on your wrists, chest heaving as he pants.

He's not nearly good enough at this yet, but he wants to be. He wants to be better for you in general, if you'd let him.

And it seems like you want to, with the way you lay your forehead on his shoulder, slowly gathering yourself the same way he is, letting him feel your uneven breaths on his collarbone. Your cheek feels warm on his skin as you turn, a contrast to the nip in the night air.

“So,” you look at him with all the unlocked adoration he used to dream about, “Was that everything you've ever wanted, my dear husband?”

He nods.

If he's being honest, he's still half-expecting you to throw him out now that you've had your fill of him at this point, to let him rot in the dungeons below you where he belongs — but you just laugh, and his heart skips a beat again.

Your lips curve into a teasing smile.

“… Stalker.”

Lohen flushes.

“I didn't—” His protest is cut off short by another kiss on his lips. Softer, this time. Sweeter.

Enough for him to want to go back in and capture yours properly again, but then you sigh contentedly, flopping back down on your mattress.

“You'll stay the night, won't you?” You ask innocently, running your hand up his thigh, “Unless you're content to just watch me until the sun rises.”

(As if on cue, one of the straps to your tank top slips off your shoulder, revealing your bare skin.

Lohen thinks that maybe he's been the one walking into the lion's den this entire time.)

“I…”

“Perfect!” Your hands promptly grab his forearm, pulling him down to you.

This is twice that you've thrown him to the mattress, he thinks, another three or four times more that you've manhandled him just this night alone. Is this what he should expect from married life from now on? Should he invest in a new mattress?

He scarcely has time to think before you're by his side again, arms wrapped around his waist, your lips pressing kisses to his clavicle.

“Y'know … we never consummated the marriage, Lohen,” you murmur, unable to hide the mischievous tone in your voice, “Shall we make it official tonight?”

You're going to be the death of him, but he doesn't mind.

lowkeyyyy hate the way this ended but couldnt think of anything else so . idk i just wanted to make out with him

i think the funny thing is that bro isn't sleeping when u share a bed either 😭 he just gets to stare closer now

[eepylohen]

me when i'm in a yearning competition and my opponent is lohen

[someonespecialokay]

lohen

[oneemoe]

duririnnn ~

[killuagirly]

MY CUTIE PIE

[tkaeth]

A second comic ! Yay!

This time, read from left to right.

didn't pay much attention to the background because I'm incredibly lazy, and I wasn't sure about the colors, so I hope it doesn't look out of place. I wanted a summery feel, so I changed Michael's clothes.

While working on this comic, I realized that hide-and-seek is played differently in different places, and I assumed everyone played it the same way 😅, so I had to add an explanation based on how I usually played it. Anyway, I hope you like my work and enjoy the story of Michael trying to kiss firefly. That's all :3

[leggerefiore]

cw: abduction, forced conversion to a religion(?), unhealthy relationships, Doughael thinks they know best,

pairings: Pure Vanilla/Reader, (Implied, One-sided) Doughael/Reader

Your hand clasped the healer's own as your travelling companion stared at you both intently. It was an arduous path through the rough, dry terrain, but you had all walked together in search of answers. Something of the truth or a path to what was to come next. The healer was the most lost of your group, having entirely lost his memories. All he could recall was a proclivity towards healing magic, hence his name. The other had not given their name. 

“The truth has been revealed to me,” they spoke so enthusiastically as if what they had not said was not terrifying to learn. The healer stood stiffly, letting you stay near him. He and you had grown close during the travels – his comforting present and gentle voice leading you to trust him far too easily. Any wounds you had incurred were tenderly treated by him. “Won't you two accept it and join me?” they slammed their staff down, “The path is clear for us all!”

“That is the truth you were seeking,” the healer argued, “I am after my own, just as they are, too.” Their dark eyes came upon you, pleading for you to come to their side. The truth… Your stomach churned. The healer squeezed your hand reassuringly. “Please, do as you will with what you have learnt,” he spoke, “We may all find one another in the end, but for now, it appears that our group will splinter.” The other traveller seemed frustrated.

“… I… I will still welcome you to my flock,” they closed their eyes, veil and hair flowing in a dry wind, “When you are ready to embrace the truth of our Godly Creators.”

It was then you walked off with the healer, leaving your previous companion to their own methods.

~

Much time had passed since then.

You had remained at the healer's side, who found his truth once more and awakened to whom he truly was.

The Ancient Hero's soft smile was unchanging from his time as the blind healer, as were his feelings towards you. Perhaps, you felt far too happy. The situation was certainly dire, but you held on to the hope that the heroes would be able to stop the dark forces this time. Even if many hurdles seemed to make themselves known.

A first had been where the fled denizens of the Vanilla Kingdom had gone. The Crème Republic. While you had heard of it, there was nothing that felt good about the Consul speaking about using the Hero's Soul Jams for an experiment. Even if Pure Vanilla had been swayed by his words, suspicion had remained in your heart.

You had attended with Gingerbrave, Wildberry, and Crunchy Chip to the Republic. Your suspicions led to you wandering the streets of the city, searching for any information that may aid you in finding whether you were correct in your feelings.

It was when you heard a missionary speaking on a corner in the lower part of the city that gave you pause. Something about the sermon… A chill went to your spine. The missionary had mistaken your pause as interest, but you quickly apologised and departed. Godly Creators… You had not heard anyone use that phrase but that one traveller. Something in you opted against pursuing that when you had more pressing things on your mind.

It was during those explorations of the city on your own, despite Madeleine cheerily offering to show you around or the others in your group expressing concern for your safety in this relatively unknown place, that an odd sort stood before you. A white mask covered their face while they donned regal robes. Nothing about them was identifiable, but the weapon they held made a sigh leave you. That staff…

“Come with me,” they ordered, “I will not hesitate to attack if you attempt to flee.” What was this madness? You were relatively trailed in combat – having lived in that desolate village where Wafflebots previously assault taught you how to fight enough. Still, a glance behind you revealed a similarly dressed person. You begrudgingly accepted. Hopefully, one of your companions would notice your vanishing.

You were brought aboard a ship and taken away. This was quite a turn. Was this for the Soul Jams? Presumably, they would use you as a ransom towards Pure Vanilla. You closed your eyes and thought of him. It was that or stare at the cargo around you. Bound wrists kept you from doing too much. He would find a way to rescue you. While he had relented to you going to Republic, it had been relatively clear he worried about what might come if you did. Maybe he had been right.

By the time the swaying of the ship stopped, you were brought out and into the sun. Was this… the familiar surroundings made you tense. The pilgrim's village was near, but you were a tad too malnourished to likely survive wandering in this heat. You allowed the masked group to lead you towards a seemingly abandoned temple.

You had been expecting to be brought to a cell, but they led you into a main hall, where many followers of this religion were quietly lost in prayer. A visage of something pure white caught your attention. Why did they look like…? You struggled to hold back your gasp. They flapped their wings down to you, grasping your hands far too softly.

“It was truly you,” their face reflected little of the emotion in their words, “How blessed We are to have been able to save you! We have thought of you and that healer endlessly since We parted.” You tensed. “We have changed since you last saw Us; We are Doughael.” Something about how they pressed their forehead to your own felt mocking. A few devotees watched this scene in wonder.

“We know you have accepted the truth,” they led you to the altar and so kindly pushed you to your knees, “We accept you… As We promised long ago.” You felt like you had been tossed from relative normalcy revolving around the ancient heroes to an unpredictable scenario. And… Your eyes saw something behind the curtain. Its shape… You wondered just what all this was? Doughael stood as your side, basking in the curtained presence.

It took a moment to have time alone with “High Forkbearer,” but you eventually sat with them in the of their private chambers. Madness was scrambled across various journals. It was better not to speak harshly, however. They brought you many of their writings to read. “We want you to understand as much as you can. Do not hesitate to ask Us in order to cast away your doubts,” they spoke softly, resting their hand atop your head.

As you read, something occurred to you. They had mentioned you and the healer. A question about wanting the healer left you. Doughael considered it. “We endeavour to have both of you join,” their unchanging expression was beginning to get under your skin, “But, We specifically wanted you.” Their hand travelled down to catch your chin. “We needed to save your dough first. The healer will follow you.”

Something about that statement made your stomach churn.

~

You wandered the halls of the temple with at least one masked devotee in tow. Your clothing had been exchanged for Order robes. Everyone seemed to view you as a strange authority. Most coming to you for advice and to cast away doubts. It would be far too easy to drive them deeper into it, but making everyone mad would not was well. So you played along.

At least until you had fully earned Doughael's trust. Being at their side constantly and being so apparently devoted allowed for you more freedoms. Stepping outside was one of them.

It was a late evening during a sermon that you had taken enough water to navigate the dry landscape once more. Your heart yearned for freedom from the rigidity of devotion and the suffocating presence of Doughael. They kept you so firmly at their side. Rumours even whispered about your relationship with them being more than hostage and captor.

As you wandered, you found yourself resting in a crevice within the sediment. The village was your next stop. The Order's hunting dogs going ignored.

Eventually, you reached it. A carrier bird was instantly sent with word of your location to the Vanilla Kingdom.

You fell asleep one night in an inn, however.

And awoke within a familiar room.

A certain zealot, apparently watching you sleep.

“We were so worried,” they leaned in and gently stroked your cheek, “So was the congregation. We feared you may have fallen before the Promised Day!” Your clothing obtained is the village held their attention seemingly for a moment. “We have seen the error of our ways,” a gentle peck to your temple left you feeling ill, “Lost lamb, We will guide you with our light so that you may never stray again.”

Your hand was captured by theirs.

“We await eagerly being within the Whole Dough with you.”

~

“Are you alright?” you felt dizzy after escaping the Order once more. This time for good. The end of that Doughael left you with many mixed feelings. You leaned against Madeleine for support. “I am returning to the Republic post-haste… But I will make an exception to return you to the Vanilla Kingdom.” You nodded. Two members of the Order seemed shaken up. Madeleine handled them fiercely, but they held little ambition or zealous after what had occurred.

Something about the way the Avatar had gazed at you remained frozen in your mind.

Madeleine gave a big smile. “Hey, now, you're a strong sort,” he spoke proudly, “as Knight Commander, I bestow upon you highest honours for surviving this long.” And subtly, a gentle hug. 

“Let's get you home!”

~

Pure Vanilla listened in what could only be described as horror while you recounted what had occurred. His embrace became smothering. In your absence, he had apparently travelled out to stop an ancient evil from being awoken. His new form was quite dazzling, especially with the longer strands.

“I… see,” he nodded, “… They… looked like me?” You shouted that the Avatar and Doughael had. He seemed even more distressed by this. A peck to your temple was given. “I suppose at least you were mostly safe during this. I fear what that Beast might have done had he had you available to him.”

It seemed you had another threat to worry about.

~

“Also Doughael called me their little lamb.”

Suddenly, Pure Vanilla looked ready to kill. You were no one else's lamb but his.

[tired-biscuit]

you know that trope where it’s princess + knight, but they’ve both been captured by the bad guys and the princess is now gripped by the jaw by the villain, receiving a thin cut to her cheek while remaining completely still with a defiant look in her eyes even as a droplet of blood begins to trickle out of the wound, all while 3 people AT THE VERY LEAST need to have their hands locked on the knight because he’s thrashing around like a wild animal, trying so so so desperately, violently, to get to her?

yeah, that’s porn to me.

[fanofthefandoms]

Lohen core

[lepus-miles]

lrb lohen begging you to stop or he'll cum with his voice breaking and sounding all frantic, except its bc you somehow got him pinned good during a spar, one hand holding his arm behind his back at an especially painful angle, your other hand pressing into a nasty bruise you left on his side the other day

[eepylohen]

a little entertainment

lohen x reader

summary: lohen got punished with the quietest post in camp, where nothing ever happens. he would have died of boredom — if you hadn't already been there. now he's starting to think varka did him a favor. 

topics: russian roulette, lohen being a freak & down really bad, reader is lightkeeper, sexual tension, a little bit nsfw (mentions of masturbation & sexual thoughts, masochism, gunplay)

english is not my first language. please tell me if i got something wrong. thank you!

"This is so fucking boring," Lohen groaned, lying on his back and rubbing his face with one hand. With the other he toyed with his knife, hoping that eventually his body would betray him and not let him catch the sharp edge in time, letting it sink into his flesh. The worst thing Varka could have done to him was station him somewhere where absolutely nothing happens. "Talk to me, nightingale."

The watch duty he'd been given as punishment for a certain tiny violation took place at the position closest to the camp. It was the last line of defense, meaning the chance of anything happening here was exactly zero — especially on a warm, quiet night like this one. Normally at this hour he'd have free time; he'd be wreaking havoc in enemy camps. But instead… well.

The only consolation was you. You and Lohen had known each other for a few years, ever since the Knights of Favonius and the Lightkeepers had signed their alliance treaty. What you knew about him was that he was a goddamn freak, a killing machine, and for some reason — terribly fond of you. Perhaps because you personally went out of your way to avoid him whenever possible, so the more you showed your distaste, the harder he tried to get closer to you. Like a moth to a flame.

Lohen loved to tease you because you had a saintly patience, and that made him terribly excited at the thought of the day you'd finally lose your footing. He wanted to see you furious so badly that sometimes, before falling asleep, he'd fantasize about how you might react. Completely shamelessly, he'd slide his hand into his trousers thinking about you slapping him in frustration, then finish on his own fingers while imagining your trembling breath and perhaps tears on your flushed cheeks.

Tonight he'd probably sin again, staining your image in his filthy mind — but for now, he needed to whine a little to finally get your attention.

While he was practically writhing with boredom, you sat calmly reading snezhnayan literature. You loved when this particular watch shift came around; it was one of the rare moments when you could truly rest and do things you otherwise never had time for. The watchtower sat in a perfectly quiet spot — not too far from the forest and not too far from camp, but still remote enough that no one would catch you slacking. Hardly anyone ever checked on you here. Although absorbed in your book, you remained alert enough that in case of danger you could react quickly and warn your companions.

At least, that's usually how it went. Today you had to put up with Lohen.

"You should have behaved like a proper knight," you replied, trying to hide your amusement. It worked on Lohen immediately — he lifted his eyes to look at the corners of your mouth turning up, and a smile spread automatically across his face as well.

"Are you saying I'm not honorable?" He sat up and rested his elbow on his knee, propping his cheek against his palm, looking at you with that usual intensity of his. With a sigh, you closed your book. So much for relaxing.

"I didn't say that, Lohen," you replied, rolling your eyes. Still, you knew perfectly well that Lohen shouldn't be judged solely on his… fighting style. Against all appearances, he was an excellent knight who always looked out for the safety of his companions and the people around him. "You could just be decent sometimes."

Lohen snorted and straightened up. He glanced at the star-filled sky for a moment — and even that long, it wasn't nearly as interesting as you. He turned his gaze back to you, but you didn't return his attention.

"No fun at all," he sighed, feeling the crushing boredom settle back into his bones. He really wasn't made for sitting in one place, let alone staying quiet. You had absolutely no idea how to keep him occupied enough to leave you in peace — until, out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the gun at his belt, and suddenly an idea came to you.

A risky idea.

But a little entertainment never hurt anyone, right?

"Can I see your gun?" you asked, looking at him seriously.

Lohen perked up immediately, genuinely surprised by your question, before a thrilled smirk spread across his face. He reached for the weapon at once, twirling it casually the way he often did.

"Do you want to shoot me?" Lohen moved a little closer, placing the gun in your hands — and naturally used the opportunity to hold them for even just a moment. You were so focused on examining the weapon that you didn't even notice him gently rubbing your skin with his thumb, until you pulled your hands back to take a closer look at the pistol yourself. "I'd think carefully about that if I were you. To me, that's practically a marriage proposal, nightingale."

You didn't answer, too absorbed in your own thoughts as you popped the magazine out and spilled the rounds.

Not a single drop of romance in you, was there? He sighed.

"Do you want to play a game with me?" you asked, looking at him.

Lohen's eyes widened, and his heart beat a little faster.

The worst thing you could do to him was ask him that while holding his own gun. He swallowed, his eyes trembling with excitement and arousal.

"What kind of game?"

"Snezhnayan roulette," you answered calmly.

You stood up, and so did he — like an obedient little dog.

"This really is a marriage proposal."

"What?"

"I mean — Fuck, yes. I want to play," he laughed, a little too pleased with himself. "I just never expected that you would ever… suggest something like this."

You laughed, shaking your head.

It was true — this was probably out of character for you. You had always kept your distance from things like this, considering them utterly stupid and dangerous. But you did live in Nordkrai, didn't you? Sometimes everyone needed a little adrenaline in their life.

You tossed the round into the air, and Lohen's gaze locked onto it. A moment later you snapped it into the magazine, spun the cylinder, and leveled the gun at him.

Lohen's heart was pounding so uncontrollably fast at the sight that he could swear he was about to faint. Even in his own fantasies, it had never crossed his mind to imagine something so beautiful.

"I don't need to explain the rules, do I?" you asked, tossing him the gun. As you stepped back, he caught you with his free hand, pulling you by the waist and drawing you closer. You rolled your eyes, your hands instinctively pressing against his chest to push him away at least a little.

But Lohen was far stronger. You'd always known that. And maybe that's why it was foolish of you to openly display your distaste for him instead of pretending to be fond of him — you wouldn't want him as your enemy in any lifetime.

Slowly, he dragged the gun along your neck up to your temple. Completely sure of himself, he watched your reaction, then raised an eyebrow, slightly puzzled as to why you still weren't trembling in his arms.

Although Lohen had fantasized about you countless times, he had just realized it had never occurred to him to imagine himself hurting you. Apart from sexual degradation and sadistic scenarios, he had never thought about seriously wounding you. While you could kick him, torture him, press your boot to his throat, or even run a knife through him — it was never mutual.

If he'd never desired your fear, why did he now feel disappointed that you weren't gazing up at him pleadingly, like a little doe caught by a cruel hunter?

Your eyes held only irritation, and your body — smaller and more delicate than his, especially within his arms — remained steady. He felt only your discomfort at the closeness between you. Nothing more.

His smile twisted back into a manic curl, and his eyes seemed to brighten.

"Hm. Since you proposed the game yourself, I should have expected you wouldn't fold immediately," he laughed — and, taking advantage of the brief distraction his sudden words caused, pressed the trigger while shifting the angle of the barrel so that in the worst case he'd startle you, not hit you.

Click.

Empty chamber. You yanked the gun from his hand and kicked him while he was focused on the shot. Lohen snickered, feeling warmth pool low in his abdomen, and crossed his arms.

"Your turn, pretty thing." He stepped closer — with that goddamn smile of his — close enough for the muzzle to touch his chest when you aimed at him.

That goddamn freak…

He didn't break eye contact for a single moment, staring at you as though you were the best thing that had ever happened to him. His fingers gently wrapped around yours at the trigger, encouraging you to fire — but the whole thing felt so frighteningly intimate that you couldn't move. Heat flooded through you and you swallowed heavily, yet you showed no sign of hesitation, only… a need to stay like this a little longer.

If Lohen weren't clearly deriving such enormous pleasure from the situation, you might have felt — just for a moment — as though you were the one in control. But of course he had no intention of allowing that. It was unnerving, the way Lohen could give the impression of being the hunter even when he was the one in danger.

"How long are you going to make me wait before you pull the trigger, nightingale?"

Click.

Empty chamber. Either you'd misheard, or something like a stifled groan had escaped Lohen's lips. You pressed the gun back into his hands and rolled your eyes.

"You're too impatient. Don't you know the whole point is the tension?" you replied, crossing your arms, while Lohen circled around you, laughing with delight as he caught you from behind with an arm around your shoulders.

You were starting to regret ever coming up with this idea, because so far Lohen was making effective use of your little game as an excuse to put his hands all over you. This time, instead of pushing him away, you stayed unmoved.

Lohen clearly didn't like that — using the barrel under your chin, he tilted your face toward his. You felt his breath against your cheek, which produced an odd tightening in your stomach. Another thing you absolutely couldn't stand about the vice-captain was that he was devastatingly attractive.

Unfortunately, he ruined it all the moment he opened his mouth.

"And what am I doing right now?" he replied, pressing the muzzle beneath your chin.

"But when I—"

Click.

Empty chamber, again. He'd interrupted you mid-sentence so you wouldn't notice him shifting the barrel. You didn't even flinch when he fired. Lohen raised an eyebrow, and just as he was about to say something, you snatched the gun from his hand and spun sharply to face him, his hands settling on your hips with the movement.

You grabbed him by the choker and pressed the muzzle to his temple. He licked his lips, visibly delighted by your rough initiative. It was exactly as he had always dreamed — without realizing it, you were losing your patience, your irritation no doubt deepened by the fact that this whole thing had been your idea to begin with.

You had never been this close, face to face. A faint flush bloomed on Lohen's cheeks as you stared him down with an intense, annoyed gaze. The expression on his face was almost blissful, wistful even.

"Nightingale—"

Click.

Empty chamber. You stepped back and handed him the gun, waiting for his turn.

That was the fourth of six. Not good. Maybe he really should have listened to your advice about building tension, because now that they were nearing the end, he assumed you'd give up any moment. He smiled with a quiet exhale, spinning the gun around his finger.

"Shall we play again after this?"

"We haven't even finished this round," you replied, rolling your eyes — but a smile tugged involuntarily at your lips. "Unless you're surrendering, Lohen?"

He shook his head and tapped the muzzle against his own temple before aiming at you from a distance. Throughout the whole game he'd tried to appear relaxed when his turn came, but every time he made absolutely sure he would never fire a bullet into you. Up close, that was significantly harder — which was exactly why he kept throwing you off balance, so you wouldn't notice him shifting the barrel's angle. And if he ever felt the familiar vibration of a real shot, that was why he kept his hands on you: to pull you safely against him.

You, however, were taking the game entirely seriously, aiming at him without mercy every time — and fuck — that was so unbearably hot that if he weren't trying to stay alert, he'd already have a very obvious problem in his trousers.

"No, sweetheart."

He aimed. From your perspective it might look like he was pointing straight at you — but as an experienced sharpshooter, he knew perfectly well he'd miss.

Click.

Empty chamber.

Lohen smiled. He tossed the gun back to you, expecting to hear you surrender any moment — and yet the corners of your mouth lifted. He furrowed his brow as you raised the pistol and aimed.

"Any last words, Lohen?" you threatened playfully, and he laughed.

"Death at your hands is a pleasure, my lady," he replied with equal theatricality, crossing his arms.

You pulled your hand back, and he clapped gleefully.

"I suppose that means I win, hm? Then as my prize I demand your—"

He didn't finish.

You turned the muzzle to your own temple, and the trigger gave way under your fingers.

Click—!

Lohen lunged at you and pinned you beneath him as you both went down to the ground. The gun hit the floor with a loud clang beside you as you stared up at him in shock.

"What the fuck?" he asked, looking at you in a way he never had before. You had long since memorized every expression of his — but this one you were seeing for the first time.

Over all these years you had come to know Lohen fairly well. You knew about his past, his mentor, his career as a traveler, his early days in the Knights of Favonius. You knew he had a weakness for poisons, that he was a battle maniac, that he loved testing his subordinates. You also knew that even though he had no close friends in your company, as a knight and a model vice-captain, he made sure they always came back in one piece — even at his own expense.

But through all of it he had never lost his edge; he was always spirited, carefree, forever craving the next rush of adrenaline. He loved when someone challenged him and didn't hold back around him — though few such people existed, and they usually ended up thoroughly beaten.

This time, Lohen looked pale. His breath seemed unsteady, and his eyes — for the first time — held none of that wild curiosity, none of that ecstasy at the approach of some unknown sensation.

You felt something prick at your chest and almost immediately regretted what you'd done. But you had to shake off the shock and quickly turn the situation around.

You reached for the gun. His face had already softened somewhat, so you smiled at him and pressed the muzzle to his lips, like a gentle kiss, before he could say a word.

Click.

The sixth chamber was empty.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

You burst out laughing. God — even though you genuinely felt a pang of guilt, his reaction made every bit of it worth it. You had finally gotten back at him. After all those years of his teasing, you'd returned the favor with interest.

"Remember how I tossed the round?" you asked, opening the magazine, then reaching into your pocket to produce the stray bullet. "You were so focused on it that you didn't notice when I caught it, I closed the magazine back up without loading it. That's the whole trick. A magician from Fontaine taught it to me years ago."

Lohen appeared to understand now. In his excitement, he'd lost enough of his edge not to notice the difference in the gun's weight. And every time suspicion flickered in him at your nonchalant behavior, you had redirected his attention just in time. You had played it perfectly. He let out an amused snort, feeling his heart race all over again — because fuck, that had been extraordinary. You'd played him, frightened him half to death, and had the audacity to laugh at him on top of it all. You were perfect.

Which didn't change the fact that he had absolutely no intention of letting you get away with it.

"Clever, nightingale," he smiled broadly, taking the gun from you. He straightened up and settled himself comfortably across your hips, reaching into his pocket. You looked at him with sudden unease. "You really had me fooled."

To your dismay, Lohen produced a round and loaded it without hesitation. You immediately pressed your hands to his thighs to push him off, but he caught your wrists in one hand and pinned them to the ground, leaning over you.

Oh, fuck.

"Allow me to return the favor," he said, dragging the gun along your chest and up to your lips — which reminded you that just moments ago you had pressed the same muzzle to his. He knew it too, drawing a quiet, strange pleasure from that indirect contact, while privately wishing it were the other way around. "Now I'd like to have a little fun with you."

[miyaz6ki]

kiss him to shut up ft. genshin men ii (part i here)

ʚ♡ɞฺ　　main m.list　ྀིᨯ — cw. sappy stuff, implied established relationship, fluff — characters included: aether, kaveh, dottore, pantalone, itto, cyno, tighnari, durin, lohen, varka

aether is telling you about his newest expedition in nod krai, mentioning things like columbina, and how much paimon loved their food. his new friends, new enemies, and a clue to his next journey... it was both breathtaking and hitching all at once and-

"and... oh, well you know how they are i- mmh!" it was already too late when your lips were on his, aether's eyes widen before easing into you.

he hadn't even realized it but he already had cupped your face and was already trying to lean into you for more. "huh? why'd you stop?"

kaveh is ranting to you about his most recent client, i mean, his infastructure was astounding, and certainly nothing went wrong with the prototype, who the hell just cancels out of nowhere?! what was this jerk even thinking??

"it's just- aarrgghh! infuriating!" you could see the steam coming out from his ears, his eyebrows quirking in his usual way. a small pout forming, and when his mouth finally was about to move- "an- mmm..."

he already had his hand tilting your chin upwards, letting out a pleased groan. "ah, leaving way too soon. you trying to tell me to shut up, or something?"

dottore and you were just walking in silence, silence that didn't include him. because for.. you stopped counting, but probably around fifteen minutes of just talking about his newest plan. something about... well probably snezhnaya and the gods again. you didn't really know.

"hah, can't you believe it. could mortals really be as... stupid?" - "what about me?" - "i know you aren't stupid enough to think you're includ-"

placing your lips on his briefly was enough for him to stop, and let you take the lead for a few steps. "you coming, zan'?" - "you... are interesting."

pantalone loves the time off he gets because god, he barely gets time off anymore. especially with the new currency plan he has in mind, and now he had the time to tell you all about it! so, what happens when that's not all you wanna hear from him?

"you see the pinnacle of my plan, yes? it's something i've been working on for a wh- mmm," he already closed his eyes, he was taken a bit aback yet he found himself already wanting more.

trying to lean in for one more before you pull away toooo far... "hmm? you started this, do you really wanna run off?"

itto being itto was him talking about his newest beetle, checking out how how its size would make any other challengers cower, you couldn't really find yourself wanting to listen. not when you hadn't seen him in a week and this is what he was doing?

"can you believe it, babe?! i beat him before ten second even hit the clock, i'm just amaz- mmhmmm! mmmh..." before he knew it he already (and very nervously) placed his arms around your waist.

"good... lord, you taste... nice, baby, is that the chapstick i got you last week? ack! okay, sorry!"

cyno is haha very tediously telling you a joke. and you just couldn't take it anymore so you just leaned in and made sure it was a gesture he wouldn't forget about and would stop telling you about how a shoe made out of a banana its called a slipper.

"wasn't that funny? why... babe, why aren't you laughing, beautiful? did i- mmmh." for how 'funny' his jokes are, he finds his hands caressing the sensitive skin of your lower back. pulling your closer by your waist.

"mmm, you... you are something." - "better than your jokes?" - "ill have to consider, you're a good kisser."

tighnari was just talking and talking and talking about the mushrooms he had been recently using for the dishes he had been so insistent on cooking. in which he did but realized pretty late that you had left that dish untouched, thinking of touching something else instead.

"and, you know how often these appear? how lucky are we that we have them growing our garden? baby? are you li- mmh!" you could already visualize his ears pointing upwards in the shock, only to feel him lean into your lips a little more.

"you... you are so... you are gonna be the death of me."

durin has you leaning on his shoulder while the rest of your friends danced in the middle of angel's share. sharing apple juice with each other that felt even more romantic and cheesy than it should've.

it was cute in a way really, it got to a point where varka and albedo have commented, and now here he was. your favorite dragon talking about his newest conch he-

"-found in liyue, isn't that great? hat guy took me out there, i wish you were there. all the views reminded me of you. so here, keep the co- what are y- mmn..." subconsciously his wings flap at the sudden warm sensation on his lips.

"y- you... what?"

lohen is busy talking to you about his latest encounter with the abyss. ringing an arm around your shoulder as he shows you around, pulling you close and super distinctively inhales your scent in. i hope you know that he cuts off a lot of his sentences just to tell you how nice you smell and look and are today.

"geez. you're amazing, i can't help but appreciate y- mmmn! mmn..." you can tell he was a little surprised but pulls you in more. it really get to a point where you need to pull away to breathe.

"oh? you seem excited. now you wanna back away."

varka is the kind of guy to pull you in by the waist, and starts to trail his kisses down your neck that turns to bites. has his free hand already cupping your face. it's so habiskjdasdjkhsa that the guy who was trying to hit on you just a moment ago. he would've just told the guy to fuck off but he doesn't mind this either.

"oh? what makes you think they aren't take- huh? what's that ba- mmn!" taken offguard the moment he feels you on him but again, hey. he likes showing off what's his.

"hmm? people looking? doesn't matter,"

[luvyurself]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ “ wake up kisses”

: ̗̀➛ parings : mychael (mushroom oasis) x female!reader

: ̗̀➛ synopsis : you are not really a morning person. lucky for you, mychael knows exactly how to wake you up.

: ̗̀➛ : ̗̀➛ tags : she/her pronouns, established relationship, fluff, lots kisses

the early sun filtered through the window, warming up her skin and stiring her awake.

she felt the warmth grazing her face, letting out a tired groan and turning away from the rays of light.

it felt too early, too early to be awake right now.

her body relaxes back into the bed, her subconscious ready to slip back into sleep once more.

“…firefly?” she heard mychael’s voice whisper, hand gently reaching up to rub her arm underneath the blanket.

she didn’t respond, hoping that he’d take the hint and let her sleep a little longer before she becomes fully awake.

she had been spending a lot more time in mychael’s cabin, going over ever weekend to relax with him and get away from the stress of the week following up to them.

he had been more than happy to have her over more, the time spent together was filled with knitting, cooking, cuddling, and walking through the woods.

mychael learned a lot about his firefly from their time shared, what foods she liked, stories of her childhood, what her favorite flowers were.

and that she was not a morning person.

she can sleep like a log through the morning. maybe due to her horrible sleeping habits, but she can sleep until two in the afternoon.

he was the opposite, waking up bright and early to cook breakfast, tend to his chickens, knit whatever came to mind.

he’d let her sleep for an extra hour when she came over, but he didn’t let her sleep any longer than that.

so, he found a good way to arise her from her slumber.

a smile etched its way on mychael’s lips when she didn’t stir, leaning closer to her ear and whispering again.

“fireflyyyy….its time to wake up.” he brushed some hair from her face, catching her lips twitch as a barley audible hum escaped her.

curse him and his soft voice. it always made her heart flutter and her brain run a million miles an hour.

she felt herself become more and more awake and aware, but she still didn’t open her eyes,

mychael lets out a soft laugh, nuzzling his nose into her hair, “come on, firefly, I made you breakfast.” he mumbled against her head, pressing a soft kiss against it.

she almost smiled, but she held it down, pressing her lips into a thin line.

mychael didn’t miss that, knowing she was hearing everything he was saying.

he pressed another kiss on her cheek, right below her nose, “if you don’t eat it, it’ll get cold,” he pressed on, another kiss on her nose, “and I don’t want you to go hungry.”

she purses her lips, the edges of her lips quirking and her eyelids shutting tighter.

another laugh escaped him, shaking his head, “firefly, I know you’re awake.” he chided, reaching up to cup her cheek with one hand, “come on, open your eyes for me, please?”

….it’s hard to ignore him.

that’s why his method of waking her up always works.

she opened one eye, peaking up and catching the gaze of his beautiful golden eyes.

the sunlight traced over his features, making him appear more otherworldly, more breathtaking.

more beautiful.

she opens her other eye, leaning against the warmth of his palm and letting the smile grow on her lips, “good morning, mychael.”

mychael sighed lovingly, staring into her with that lovesick expression he had developed with her. he can practically feel his tail wagging behind him.

he leans closer, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes, basking the in warmth from her skin, “morning, firefly.” he whispered, pressing the final kiss on her lips.

[yurunivo]

Conversations between the Vice Captain and his lover that the knights of favonius (unfortunately) sometimes hear:

Lohen: You've got mayonnaise on your cheek.

You: sighs, cleaning the stain with a napkin. This is why I don't like eating all of these kinds of foods, it's so messy and for what?

Lohen: grinning. You know, that mess looks good on you.

You: Really now?

Lohen: Yeah! Reminds me of when you and I decide to unwind for I while and I end up-

You: Don't even finish that sentence, at least the mayonnaise tastes good.

...

You: My friend told me that she got another letter from her secret admirer. It's been about what? 20 letters now?

You: If it weren't for the fact that it's mildly creepy I'd say it's quite romantic.

Lohen: pouting, but you didn't like it when I sent you my love letters!

You: That's because the ink was made with the blood of someone, Lohen.

Lohen: You never liked your ex anyway!

You: Yeah well, I don't want you to go around pricking other people just because I'm happy that you pricked my ex. Sit the fuck down.

...

Lohen: Grandmaster Varka told me he's concerned about my relationship.

You: ??

Lohen: As in, you're too good for me and I should leave you because you don't deserve a "maniac" like me.

You: Oh yeah that's pretty much true.

Lohen: smiling devilishly, So I should leave?

You: I'll rip out your throat if you even try.

Lohen, with hearts in his eyes: and they say romance is dead.

You: It is, you killed it since you dared asked to leave.

Lohen: Hey it was a hypothetical!

[carameldove]

“Wrapped with love and a little bit of magic.” ᨳଓ

✦ synopsis: knowing your obsession with trinkets, toys, plushies etc. what would your lover get you as a gift?

✦ a/n: includes Durin, Lohen, Varka, Dottore (maybe a little cringe, but to be cringe is to be free)

𑣲Durin

• Actually he as well is enthusiastic about collecting stuff like that. At the beginning he didn’t really understand the obsession, but it caught up to him too!

• As a gift Durin would get you a lego set so you can built it together. The fun part in building is that you’d watch him struggle to break apart two small lego pieces that were never meant to be attached.

• After so much effort, its done — you guys place it on the shelf where there are many other finished pieces all of them holding different memories.

• Its like a memento that he too who was branded as a monster only capable of destruction, is deserving of love and attention.

𑣲Lohen

• By very untraditional means Lohen somehow got you a rare set of calico critters as a gift. When you’re about to ask him how pretty boy here distracts you with cheek kisses.

• Its extra cute because the little figures are wearing wedding clothing. With some work he’d make them into matching keychains!

• He attached the little groom calico to his leg thigh strap and bring it anywhere. Lohen would be careful so it doesn’t get damaged risky but on long missions it gives him more motivation

• He’d also give atrocious side eyes to anyone who dares too look at it for far too long with malicious eyes

𑣲Varka

• Behold before you stands a bear plushie with abs! Varka says he wanted to get you something to remind you of him.

• You named in Varka jr because of the clear resemblance.

• It all giggles till you started cuddling with the plushie instead of him (“No more mr nice guy” drunk Varka to the plushie probably..)

• Grown ASS man, he would genuinely sulk if you actually do continue to cuddle with it despite his best attempts at wooing you into his strong arms.

𑣲Il Dottore

• He’d find your obsession for cute things intriguing, he doesn’t get it, like at all. Nevertheless, you’re his love so he finds excuses to all your silliness.

• Dottore doesn’t buy you a gift, he builds it himself instead. A coquette looking automaton with lace ribbons.

• The automaton itself looks like jewelry box but it has other purposes too apart from storing stuff. It is also a two-way communication device.

• This was one of his easier innovations, Dottore says atleast, now come sit on his lap while he invents new ways to terrorise Teyvat.

⭑.ᐟ

[bedrottingdoll]

@ananeuvii, I'm tagging you directly since you have a history of ignoring things that require accountability.

I'm not someone who makes posts like this. I think callout posts can easily come across as dramatic or performative, and I've always avoided them for that reason. But this isn't drama. I'm going to lay everything out with receipts, and people can form their own opinions.

cw: mentions of self-harm/suicide, harassment, predatory behavior toward minors

There are more than 30 Ana's.

Ana runs multiple accounts and uses them in ways that range from embarrassing to genuinely harmful.

One that I do feel is a mix of both is the @lyneyhatersdni blog. Ana claims this is her ('ex') boyfriend… she's the boyfriend.

Someone told me that before the account was fully set up, the following list and recently liked posts were publicly visible (which is just a default setting Tumblr uses).

Every liked post was content from Ana, Lilac, and Karma.

The account types exactly like Ana's; she tries to switch her typing style on it, but she slips… a lot.

I always thought it was weird when I first found that account, that it's rarely active.

That only Ana responds/likes my comments if I interact with them??

And what made my assumption feel far too true is this post she made:

This is a self-report if I've ever seen one. And why does this matter beyond just being weird??

This account was used for publicly 'dating' Ana, complimenting her, calling her pet names, having entire conversations with her in the comments of her post. She is having a relationship with herself in front of everyone.

And here's the infamous conversation she had with herself when she posted "im gonna kms" on her main, where lyneyhatersdni shows up in the comments to comfort her. She is roleplaying emotional support from a person who does not exist.

He is only online when she needs him to be (like making that "ana won't be online" post or interacting with herself). He never used it outside of using it for ana. They always happen to be online at the same time, and now she's active on his account bc shes "going to be offline for a long while" and is addicted, so that's what she uses right now.

But it gets worse than just beyond fake dating.

'lyneyhatersdni' was the account behind the anonymous hate messages that Lilac received on her old blog. Lilac's old account (scaraobsession) is now deactivated, so those specific asks are gone, but they were horrible nonetheless.

Lilac had to turn off anonymous asks entirely because of the harassment, and Ana had the audacity to reblog Lilac's post about it, acting like she was defending her.

Ana sent anonymous hate to her own (ex) close friend. And then publicly positioned herself as the one protecting her from it.

That's fucked up. What's more fucked up? If this 'boyfriend' is real, dating your friend's bully is fucked up.

She also very, very likely sends herself anonymous requests. Some requests are for engagement on her blog; others are hate-directed at her(self). She literally discovered the feature publicly on her blog, as seen in the image with the anonymous hate at the top. The proof is all there.

The vent account(s).

Ana has had multiple vent accounts in the past; her newest was leaked recently. What was on it was absolutely disturbing.

One of the very disgusting things that stood out on this account was the posts written as conversations between herself and what she frames as an internal 'voice,' using brackets to distinguish it. In these posts, "the voice" says things like 'i hope they die', 'i hope one of them dies', and other… odd things you'll see below.

Ana responds back to "the voice" as herself, pushing back mildly, but she's the one writing all of it. She typed every word, fantasizing about (ex) friends' deaths.

And in the tags? She writes things like "these r kinda just like the thoughts I don't agree with, but r still there" and "pls know that's not actually me." She tagged her own death wishes toward her friends with a disclaimer. As if that makes it fine. As if hitting post and putting it on the internet is somehow not a choice she made.

These are all directed towards both Karma and Lilac. Ana's always been jealous of Karma, hated them. When they were all a trio, Ana would constantly leave Karma out on purpose; she tried to kick Karma out of the friend group, but ended up kicking herself out instead.

She crashed out on Lilac once, called her a slutty b*tch, over Lilac saying "plsplspls" to Karma. This is exactly what this post is about, and this is on one of Ana's yapping side blogs' accounts.

She treats her own spiraling as a performance and then demands that other people warn her before they vent.

Both Lilac and Karma found her recent vent account and reblogged it. This also isn't the first time Ana's vent account got leaked; you'll see in the image below.

After being caught, Ana deactivated her recent vent account (belovedofbarbatos), and ranted on her main before deleting and then making an announcement post saying she'd be offline for a very long time. Her ass is too chronically online for that, and she's still active on her @windspokenwhispers sideblog.

She only cares that she got caught.

Ana and minors.

This is the part that made me decide I needed to post this.

Someone sent Ana an anonymous ask saying: "Am I allowed to join in on the flirting if I'm 16?" Her response: "YUHP!! Just clarify that at first and make sure it's nothing tooooo suggestive, ur still underage! however in some countries that's legal, and I don't mind harmless stuff."

When someone called her out for flirting with a minor while being almost 21, she defended herself by saying she's only ever said things like "IMMA KISS YOU" and "I WANNA CUDDLE" and that those are platonic. The tag's on the post don't help the accusations.

On her recently deactivated vent account, she interacted with an anonymous person who said they were 15. Ana's response? She doesn't mind.

She doesn't fucking mind that a 15-year-old is looking at a vent blog that talks about serious topics, including self-harm.

When she started getting called out for this, she posted: "no becuz why am i getting pedo allegations" with tags about how she's just showing "platonic affection."

Ana is nearing 21, and she posts content not safe for minors while actively seeking new mutuals with anyone of any age (unless they're under 11, because that's her minimum apparently).

Why am I posting this?? It's a community concern.

Because Ana is an extrovert. She's outgoing and chatty, and she comes across as friendly and fun at first. She reaches out to people in the Genshin writing community, and if you're new to the community or shy, that attention feels good. That's exactly why it's dangerous.

The people who chose to interact with her deserve to know that the person behind the friendly posts has a vent account where she wishes death on her once closest friends. That she sent her own ex-best friend anonymous hate and then pretended to protect her from it. That she tells minors she doesn't care about their age.

I also want to make something very clear: Lilac and Karma are the victims in this situation. Both of them are people Ana called her best friends, while privately writing about wanting them dead. Lilac was harassed by Ana's alt account. Both of them were targeted on the vent account. They've already dealt with enough, leave them alone.

If Ana wants to respond to this publicly, she's welcome to.

[scaraobsession]

Reblogging this to add some stuff, though I helped with providing some evidence for maddies main callout post (because it has the most important points) I wanna add how Ana was being to me specifically, as a way to warn others about the extent of her behaviors.

Same cw as in Maddie's post.

All of the evidence in the following is from AFTER I blocked ana, and all of it was publicly posted on tumblr. I don't wanna include conversations that happened in dms since they took place in a private context and weren’t intended to be public.

Let this be a cautionary tale.

On April 17th I posted this, talking about how I'm blocking one of my former mutuals (Ana):

You don't need to read the entire post but to summarize I said I'll block her for my mental health and that I have no negative wishes for her and that I will delete any hate about her. Basically going the pacifist route.

I thought me blocking her would be the end of it. I was wrong.

On April 25th I replied to my inboxes:

There's two noteworthy asks, one from a now deactivated alt Account from Ana (she loves making those) trying to interact with me under another name after I blocked her, which should have been a clear boundary.

Another one from an anon, basically wishing us the best and being kind overall. My reply was something along the lines of "I'm doing well and I hope Ana is doing well too and isn't too hurt".

She made an angry sounding post on her now deleted alt. Over me wishing her the best despite our differences. The bigger offense is her trying to interact with me after I set a clear boundary by blocking her. Both is just weird overall, so I reblogged her post basically telling her to stop talking to me and to stop insulting me. (you can see that reblog in maddies first post already so I won't add it here)

I continued to mind my business while Ana continued being obsessive. This has been going on for over a month so I will just put some noteworthy examples:

She wrote a poem? fanfiction? something? about me:

I think it's obvious enough from the account name that this was her. I think it's also obvious enough that this is about me. Besides this just being creepy as fuck, she also put a censored version of my real name there, something I told her to keep private. This genuinely made me feel scared/ threatened.

Some more examples of her being obsessive and bad-faithed towards me or just generally harmful on her alt account:

The latest post before she deleted the alt was two days old. She has been obsessing over me for over a month after I blocked her. I don't need anyone's pity, my own mental health is fine. The only reason I'm sharing this is to show the community that Ananeuvii has very concerning tendencies that can't be ignored.

I'm just begging all minors who see this to stay away from this person and unstable adults in general.

Here's a list of all of Ana's alt accounts that I could find, in case anyone wants a block list:

confirmed: @ananeuvii @windspokenwhispers @ananiel-luvs @ananmethyst @hearts4tartaglia @randomahhananiel @lyney2026 @lyneyscumlicker @lyneysonlywife @irllyneytrust @lvrgirl-official @lyneyreblogs @dahlia2026 @starlightseasx @ana-energy @seafoamsponge @is-lyney-peak @teraskeretao @matarikiputaiao

suspected: @lyneyhatersdni (fake bf) @lyneyloverz @prettiestlesbianx (fake haters)

deleted: karmamirastalker wanderinglilacx belovedofbarbatos windspokenwhispersx kirikiriii fallenstagelights randonpersonyoudontknow

[karmamira]

I feel like I need to add something into this because (whether intentionally or not) I lowk did start this drama by reblogging That Post(tm):

Before I blocked Ana I did have a very long conversation with her in our DMs pointing out all the offenses (against me and other people) that I had legit evidence on at the time and what she did was jump all over the important points, lie to my face about shit that I had legit evidence against and only "apologized" when I drove her into the wall.

Her next course of action after that is posting this on her alt (The censored person is someone innocent that I don't wanna involve):

Her two faced ass felt no guilt whatsoever for any of her shitty actions. Literally just apologized to shut me up (which is something that she already did once to me before so it was expected behavior at this point)

Adding something that is not as important but I am just very bitter about: Ana is using the wrong pronounce for me on purpose on this post. This is proof that she already knew my preferred pronounce MONTHS ago. In fact she was the first person to know about them being a thing

Here's me calling out her misuse of my pronounce after I blocked her

And then there's her lying to my face about not knowing about it them before then

[totheonewhotiesredstrings]

"in the event you don't read this..."

synopsis: they say poetry and letters were humanity's earliest means of expressing their thoughts. as such, will it be able to absolve the misunderstanding between you and lohen?

lohen x fem!reader, childhood friends to strangers to lovers. university au.

tw: emotional manipulation by lohen??? (tbh idk if it counts i think i made them kinda messy-)

a/n: crine rn why is this so ass also mom help where did all these people come from

heulsuse means crybaby in german!

prologue

chp. 1: dearly have i missed you.

"do you need me to enact vengeance."

you choke on your drink and hurry to swallow rather ungracefully, pounding on your chest as the mouthful travels painfully down your throat. seeing this, eula flusters and reaches across the table to give your back a few firm pats, handing you a napkin as she does.

perhaps talking about the incident over brunch wasn't one of your brightest ideas, but you desperately needed to vent out all your frustrations with regards to the life crisis called 'being lohen's pen pal'.

thanking her with a raspy voice, you slowly regain control over your breathing and shake your head.

"there's no need, eula, i swear. i can deal with it."

you'd like to think so, anyways. maybe saying it aloud will help convince your heart that it isn't affected by the complicated mess of feelings and memories that surfaced after your meeting with lohen, as futile as it is.

eula stares at you for a good minute before letting out a sigh, a concerned frown marring her fair complexion. the worry in her gaze is palpable, and you know she doesn't fully believe you. it's understandable, really, because you don't believe yourself either.

in an attempt to reassure her, you reach for both her hands, clasping them gently in yours and send an earnest look her way.

"i'll be fine. it's just for one year."

eula huffs.

"yes, a year communicating with a scoundrel who's brought you so much pain sounds like such a fine idea to me. (name), surely you understand my concern?"

her tone reminds you of the time you overheard an older sister reprimanding her younger siblings for running off on their own in the mall, the younger ones sporting guilty expressions as their sister continued to admonish them. you feel quite like them in this case.

you've mentioned lohen a handful of times to eula before, when life grows to be too much and the both of you bond over personal turmoil, seated on the carpeted floor of your shared dorm while drinking the cheap wine she snuck in with plastic party cups.

on those days, your passionate ranting always ends with you becoming a blubbering drunken mess sprawled out on the floor, aggressively wiping the hot tears rolling down your cheeks. eula's never shown you any disdain or annoyance, only comforting you in her own way.

"cease your crying." is what she says, gently prying the cup from your hands and giving you an awkward but tight hug. though the words sound harsh, you can feel the care in them all the same.

over the three years you've known her, eula's become more like family to you than a close friend. you're grateful to have her in your life.

"i understand where you're coming from, and i know what i'm getting into."

you pause and avert your gaze from hers, opting to stare into your drink instead. the liquid's still surface reflects your determined expression.

"i've tried convincing myself that i don't need to know, that i don't want to know, but the truth is that i've never stopped caring for the past seven years."

"this is my chance to finally get an answer, eula. even if i have to jump through hoops to get it, i'll do it. i just want to know why."

you say it all in one breath, heart thumping crazily in your chest and the blood rushing in your ears as you inhale deeply. you never planned to say all that, it just came out in the heat of the moment.

glancing at eula, you watch how surprise morphs into something akin to approval. she adjusts her grip so that her hands covers yours instead, the spark in her eyes clear as day.

"if that's your choice, i'll support it. just be careful, alright? don't get too involved with him."

"i won't, promise!"

you really hope it'll be as simple as that.

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Title: Week 1 of torture, only 51 weeks to go.

to lohen,

the title makes me feel better so no i won't be entertaining any questions on it.

i guess you're expecting me to make the first move since i'm the one who wants something from you. i don't know why i'm humouring you, but here we are. feel free to laugh.

as much as i'd like to delve deep into the complaints i have about you, i'm pretty sure this singular piece of paper won't be able to fit everything. not that you'd care anyways.

back to the point of this letter, let's meet at the angel's share at five. i've double-checked your schedule and everything so don't tell me you can't show up. call it an abuse of power, but to use your own words, i frankly don't care.

be punctual. you know i hate it when people are late.

sincerely,

(name)

p.s. i've decided to write one complaint: your smiles are uncanny and scary. they've always been since childhood. that's all.

Title: Week 1 of the BEST year of my life.

to (name),

you're cute, you know that?

you have no idea how thrilled i was to find this at my seat! making use of what i sent you, hm? compared to the one you wrote last time, this letter seems much longer. not that i'm complaining! i always love to hear from you, whether or not you have anything to say. that hasn't changed.

don't worry, i wouldn't dare be late. a loyal knight shouldn't disappoint his princess after all.

speaking of which, you still remember? you used to throw a fit when i didn't play the role of knight well, stomping your foot and everything. it amused me so much that sometimes i did it on purpose just to make you tick and see you pout. i would apologise, but i'm actually not sorry at all.

anyways, can't wait to see you!

sincerely,

lohen

p.s. and since we're talking about complaints, i have one for you too: you didn't give this to me in person. that's all. :)

the words should aggravate you more, but all you can focus on is how your cheeks flush when you get to the 'princess' part. unwittingly, a small smile makes its way onto your face as well when you realise the general pettiness of it all.

it seems that even in adulthood, lohen still manages to effortlessly match whatever attitude you give him. you hate to admit it, but you've missed squabbling with him, even if it's over words on paper.

you wonder if lohen misses it too.

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1 message from: pen pal guy (WHY)

pen pal guy (WHY): look up

when you glance out the window to your left, you see lohen with his phone in hand and the message interface open, a subtle smile on his face as he waves at you. before you can decide whether or not to wave back, he disappears out of sight and reappears through the doors of the angel's share, making a straight beeline for your booth.

"you're an hour early."

you somehow manage to keep your tone neutral, fighting down the butterflies threatening to flutter out your throat as you watch lohen slide into the opposite seat, the two of you facing each other perfectly now. his eyes form tiny crescent moons when they meet yours.

"i said i wouldn't be late. why do you sound surprised?"

"your past history would say otherwise."

the glance you receive from lohen tells you that he definitely heard your mumble, but just chose not to respond. a brief spark of glee makes itself known as you clear your throat and offer a placating smile.

"i thought you were supposed to be busy at this time."

lohen shrugs and lets out a non-committal hum, picking up a butterknife from the side tray and twirling it between his fingers, addressing you as he does.

"i was. but then i decided the rest of the stuff i needed to do was less important, so i cleared my schedule."

the way he says it is casual, like choosing you over prior commitments was what came naturally and something that didn't need a second thought. like you were never a second thought.

under different circumstances, perhaps you would've been overjoyed to hear that instead of feeling ever so conflicted.

"if that's the case, why did you leave without telling me?"

there's a slight pause in the knife-twirling before it continues again, though the speed has significantly decreased. lohen's brows knit together for a split second before smoothening out again, easily missed if not for the fact you were watching so closely. he laughs breathily, the sound more courtesy than actual joy.

"not going to ask how i've been first? that's a little heartless."

don't scream, don't scream, don't fucking scream. you repeat the mantra in your head over and over again, until the sudden hot flash of anger slowly simmers down and your thoughts aren't somewhat consumed by rage. you take a deep breath before asking again.

"only friends ask each other that. answer my question, lohen."

it's obvious that your voice is strained, the threads of composure slipping away the longer you sit there waiting. but of course, lohen being lohen, he has to say something to test that patience.

"aren't we friends?"

"seems like you're not feeling conversational. let's try again another day, i'm leaving."

"no, hold on."

a sharp clatter is heard as cold fingers wrap around your wrist, the grip light but firm and the butterknife left abandoned to the side. lohen's gaze is already on you when you look at him, serious and intense in a way you can't describe.

"i want to talk. but there are some things i can't tell you yet, why i left being one of them."

the words are soft, devoid of the snark and slyness from before, and the whiplash causes your skin to turn to gooseflesh. even so, the indignation caused by them still burns in your heart.

"that's the equivalent of telling me nothing!"

"i know."

"do you?" you scoff. "i don't think you were left waiting for five whole hours like a fool, but you were definitely the one who left without a word. tell me what kind of a friend does that."

a minute of heavy silence falls thereafter, the clinking of glasses and the chatter of other diners serving as the only background noise. you don't dare move as you feel lohen's touch travel down to your palm instead, encasing your hand in his.

"heulsuse," he starts, and you berate yourself internally for the shiver that runs down your spine at the nickname. "i'm a total piece of shit, i know, and a peasant who doesn't deserve anything more than the scraps you're willing to give him."

"but i need you to trust me and give me more time, heulsuse. please."

oh, how long it has been since he called you that.

because you are of weak will, you make the mistake of stealing a glimpse at him. and boy does lohen look ever so pitiful.

those dark, soulless eyes are watery and practically begging for you to believe him, for you to open up that sweet little heart of yours so that he can occupy it once more. not that the space reserved for him in there is completely gone, that is.

the whole act would've been believable if not for the self-deprecating smile upon his lips.

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

"heulsuse, heulsuse! look at what i caught for you!"

with a toothy grin, lohen presents his catch to you: a wriggling white rabbit with ruby red eyes.

the poor thing struggles and squeaks helplessly in the air, held up by its long ears as lohen proudly looks towards you. however, you seem to care less about the animal and more about the broken music box in your hands.

"i have a name, lohen! stop calling me that! and go away, i don't want to see you!"

with that, you turn your back towards him, clutching the wooden box close to your chest as you fiddle with the parts, sniffling while trying to piece everything back together.

bunny still in hand, lohen sits down on the steps next to you, watching as you shift away from him when he gets close. this continues until both your tiny bodies are squished together at the edge of the steps, with you leaning into the railing and lohen leaning into you.

"i said go away."

"why?"

"because you broke my music box, you brute! how am i supposed to play it now?"

"on accident! it's just a music box anyways, i can buy you a new one."

instead of comforting you, lohen's flippant words only make you bawl even harder, the tears and snot running freely down your face. you land a weak punch to his shoulder, with lohen angling himself so the rabbit in his lap doesn't get caught in the crossfire.

"it's not 'just a music box'! my nana gave it to me for my birthday, so it's special! i'd been taking such good care of it until you had to knock into me and make me drop it!"

he stares quietly as you hiccup, the heartbroken look on your face leaving a sour taste in his mouth. after thinking for a moment, lohen makes up his mind.

"give it to me. here, hold the little one."

"wait, you can't do that!"

ignoring your surprised cry, lohen dumps the fluffy animal into your lap and takes the box from your hands, scrutinising it from every angle before getting to work.

it isn't long before he's done and returns the repaired object.

"see if it works, heulsuse."

both of you watch in anticipation as you turn the dial of the music box, waiting for a minute before a tune begins to play. instantaneously, your somber expression lights up with joy.

"you fixed it! oh, thank you thank you thank you, lohen!"

you throw your arms around him for a quick embrace before releasing him, too enamoured with your music box to notice the blush on his chubby cheeks.

"does that mean you forgive me, heulsuse?"

even though he sounds like he couldn't care less about your answer, his voice is still tinged with the tiniest bit of nervousness and bashfulness. lohen stares at you intently as well, as if it will help him to figure out how you'll respond.

fortunately for lohen, you've always been weak when it comes to him.

"um, only if you stop calling me heulsuse!"

at your proclamation, lohen only giggles and uses his sleeve to wipe off the junk on your face, causing you to whine something about dirtying his clothes. he isn't too bothered though.

"but you cry all the time. i only chose a name that suits you."

"no i don't! i'll stop playing with you if you keep calling me that."

"okay, i'm sorry. forgive me, (name)?"

"...hmph. i guess i could."

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

heulsuse. heulsuse, heulsuse, heulsuse.

the name both mocks and soothes, reminding you of the girl who had once devoted her love to her childhood friend, the one too soft-hearted against his pretty words and promises.

you haven't changed much, you think.

"fuck you."

you swear honestly, full of spite and half in longing. in response, the lunatic cackles loudly, not caring for the looks sent his way.

he plants a kiss upon your fingers, the touch as light as a feather, eyes never leaving yours as the nonsensical words come out of his mouth.

"good! you should."

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

tags for lohen works: @pjselee, @thedamseletteofficial, @salmonsaw, @fireriyu, @trangmuahe, @lalalaloveallmydays, @feafofu, @saaaasas, @lunavixia, @radiantnothingness, @ranima-11037, @miss-sillygoose, @lixhizy, @supernovaria, @sorenflyinn, @aster-st4rst3m, @shirebusking, @niceui, @nninaa24, @lazy-panther, @chronicsleepinesssss, @comet-kun, @cactusjuice63, @k4sumiii, @mik4mee, @kithewanderingme, @nanfufu, @gentiliana, @angel3110, @shiromisoo, @cebulka36, @hnaneih, @killuagirly, @ethsn1an, @k3na0o, @reaperfeels, @ogras, @yumi-rxiden, @phainonrot, @akinaa1003, @saccharinefool, @yumixchii, @whatiscooking

[killuagirly]

This is so freaking good I was hooked by the first chapter, now I couldn't leave if I wanted.

[deicidic-doll]

Do you ever just see a loser guy and feel the irresistible urge to tie him up, ride him and suck him off until he's crying.

[totheonewhotiesredstrings]

"in the event you don't read this..."

synopsis: they say poetry and letters were humanity's earliest means of expressing their thoughts. as such, will it be able to absolve the misunderstanding between you and lohen?

lohen x fem!reader, childhood friends to strangers to lovers. university au.

a/n: i wanted to make this series as a countdown to lohen's banner sooo yeah.

prologue: to the one who (probably) hates me.

-> from: tevyat university

"congratulations student, you have been assigned with: lohen. thank you for signing up with the pen pal project! happy writing!"

"...you have got to be fucking kidding me."

the name 'lohen' stares back at you from your phone. you double and triple check the email, refreshing to see if it would change at all. however, when the name remains unchanged even after five refreshes, the reality of the situation starts to sink in on you.

seven years. seven years since he left a sixteen-year-old you waiting in the fields in your hometown, seven years since you lost all form of contact with him, and three years since you've stopped seeing him in your dreams.

exactly two years since you ran into him on campus while exiting the library, and two years you've spent actively avoiding him.

and now, in your last year of university, the school system has decided to pair you up with him.

you deny it at first, thinking of it as some kind of scarily specific prank by some hacker who has a vengeance against you. but the email address is legit, the number pasted at the bottom is a real one and this is definitely an event you regret joining.

according to the website, you and your pen pal will be matched according to your answers given on the questionnaire provided when you first sign up. based on your personality, interests and hobbies, the perfect partner will be found for you. (the website's words, not yours.)

once you are matched, an email will be sent to each of you, containing the other person's name and phone number. then, over the course of one school year, you'll exchange letters and get to know each other better. obviously, the main goal of the project is for willing participants to make friends and connect with other students on campus.

by that logic, it meant the system believed you and lohen would get along with each other and were highly compatible.

the algorithm they're using must be outdated, you believe, if they put you with lohen of all people.

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

lohen.

the name leaves a bittersweet taste on your tongue, reminding you of the childhood you once had with him until everything fell apart.

the both of you used to play in the fields behind his house when it was dark, catching fireflies and gazing at the stars. you'd stay there until dawn and then sneak back into your house through the window, with lohen waving you goodbye as he rushed back home as well.

a younger you would always look forward to when lohen knocked on the door, politely asking your parents for permission to play with you before throwing all decorum out of the way and dragging you out by the arm when they agreed. as he got older, he stopped asking and just waited by your bedroom window with his arms held out, telling you to jump down and he'd catch you.

"that boy is as unpredictable as can be." your mother would sigh. yet she never once forbade you from hanging out with him.

perhaps it was bound to happen, a given even with how much time you were spending with lohen, but you fell for him at the age of fourteen. from there, not only was he your best friend, lohen became your first love.

the fairytales you used to read as a child, where a knight would fall in love with a princess, suddenly meant so much more to you, your young, naive, foolish mind imagining that you were the princess and lohen was your knight.

you'd dream of a precious romance, one untainted by the struggles of reality and adulthood, one where you and lohen would skip off into the sunset together and live out a happily ever after together.

yes, it was childish for a girl your age back then, but it was your whole world. that's how much lohen meant to you. it's why you spent another two years pining after him before you finally decided to confess in the fields both of you so dearly loved.

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

you waited.

you waited and waited and waited.

you waited until the sun set, until the sky turned dark and the stars made their appearance, until the fireflies came out.

you waited until your parents found you in the middle of those fields, crying your heart out.

lohen never came.

it wasn't until the next morning that you found out he had moved without telling you. no note, no words, nothing.

he just...left.

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

*ding!*

2 messages from: unknown

unknown: hey

unknown: your my pen pal right?

great, as if you didn't have enough to worry about already.

you aren't lost on who this is. since they're claiming to be your pen pal, this is can only be lohen who's texting you.

you don't know why your heart is pounding so fast. you aren't the one who ditched someone and left without a word seven years ago. if anything, he should be the one who's nervous.

you: lohen.

unknown is typing...

unknown: straight to the point huh? i like it.

unknown: its been a while (name)

you scoff. he's acting like only a year has passed and not seven.

you: more than a while you mean

you: ykw i dont have to do this im blocking you

you: bye

your thumb hovers over the 'block' button when another influx of messages comes in.

unknown: wiat

unknown: u want an answer i know

unknown: meet me outside main hall

unknown: youll get one

the green dot beside the empty profile disappears. lohen's gone offline.

you're not going. you're blocking his number and you're not going. why should you? you didn't get an answer seven years ago, and you certainly don't need one now.

you can just ignore this conversation and pretend it never happened and carry on with your lohen-less life. you've managed to survive for this long.

...

you're going to regret this.

○●○●○●○●○●♡♡●○●○●○●○●

it isn't hard to spot lohen amidst the sea of students, leaning casually against a pillar and scrolling on his phone. you spent more than half your life with him after all. you don't approach him immediately, opting to stand a distance away to observe.

visually, he hasn't changed much. still the same murky green hair, bored expression, the singular mole underneath his right eye. the only difference is that the baby fat around his cheeks has slimmed down and he's gotten taller, along with the dagger piercing on his left ear.

you curse your heart for picking up speed when lohen finally notices you.

he smiles at you, all smug and a hint of something you don't dare name as fondness. you shuffle over to him.

"hey."

"hi."

you shoot him a confused glance as lohen opens his arms, as if expecting you to do something.

"what are you doing?"

he tilts his head at you innocently.

"aren't you gonna hug me?"

"no? why would i do that?"

"you used to greet me with a hug when we were kids. you don't remember?"

the audacity of this guy. does he still think the both of you are on good terms to ask for a hug from you? how shameless can he get?

"we're not kids anymore. i'm not hugging you."

lohen only shrugs and crosses his arms in response. a minute of silence passes before you clear your throat and speak up.

"you said you had an explanation."

you watch as he nods and digs around in his bag, pulling out an envelope that has definitely seen better days. lohen offers it to you as you stare in disbelief.

the edges are torn, the envelope itself is crumpled beyond repair and there's even a red-brownish stain that you hope isn't dried blood on a corner.

"...what is this?"

"your explanation. anyways, i have a class to get to. don't be a stranger alright?"

with that, lohen brushes past you, leaving you stunned to process the whole interaction.

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you only open the letter after a long day of classes. it seems that apart from his appearance, lohen's penmanship is also another thing that hasn't changed after all this time.

it took you some time to decipher his messy scrawls, but you manage to get through the letter.

my dear to (name),

ignore that tiny mistake. anyways! i will be sending my schedule to you soon. it has all my classes, electives, my club activities, you name it.

i understand that this isn't what you want and i frankly don't care. but since the both of us are pen pals now, i thought why not make use of this opportunity? fun right?

if you want an answer from me, you'll have to write to me and ask for it.

you know my schedule, you know where to find me.

hope to hear from you soon!

sincerely,

lohen

as if on cue, your phone goes off with a message from lohen. he's sent you a document of everything he mentioned in the letter.

what a bastard.

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"lohen! a girl asked me to pass this letter on to you."

lohen takes the envelope from varka, the latter slinging an arm around his shoulder, a wolfish grin on his face.

"when did you get yourself a girlfriend huh? didn't even bother to tell the rest of your club buddies?

a yelp is heard from varka as lohen shoves him off lightly.

"she's not my girlfriend. yet."

with thinly veiled excitement, lohen opens the letter which reads:

to lohen,

i hate you.

sincerely,

(name)

truly, he couldn't be happier.

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tags for lohen works: @pjselee, @thedamseletteofficial, @salmonsaw, @fireriyu