After making the mistake of taking out his anger on you, Bucky knows it's going to take a lot of groveling to earn your forgiveness.
this is a continuation of a man's place
Content Warning: Mob!Bucky x Wife!Reader, mature themes, mention of pregnancy (not fairy!), angst, Sam Wilson x OC, smut, semi-public sex, dom!reader, sub!bucky, oral, bucky doesn't deserve a happy ending yet, get blue balled prick, but fairy is very very satisfied.
Series Masterlist
Although all he wants to do is beg at your feet, Bucky knows better than to go against what you want, which is space. He spends the next few days trying to busy himself with work, perking up at every noise in the hope that it's you walking back through the door.
"I've sent Barton down there to check it out," Sam tells him, though Bucky is barely paying attention. "He'll report back if there's anything worth telling us."
Bucky's too focused on staring at his phone, waiting for your name to come up.
"You okay, boss?" Sam asks with a frown, before glancing around the lounge. "Where is she? Haven't seen her since the weekend. She okay?"
With his hand tightening around a glass of whisky, Bucky shakes his head. "She's not home," He says cryptically. "She... she left."
Sam is thrown for a loop. That was the last thing he expected to hear out of Bucky's mouth. He knows how strong your relationship is; how many years you've spent building a foundation of loyalty and trust in one another, so to hear that something happened which was bad enough for you to leave is unbelievable.
"The fuck did you do?" Sam asks, his brows furrowing.
Swallowing thickly, Bucky shakes his head, closing his eyes.
Sam takes a few steps closer to the couch on which Bucky's sitting. "You didn't... you didn't cheat on her, did you?"
Bucky's eyes fly open and he glares up at him. "God, Wilson, do you really have to ask that?"
"Then, what?" Sam snaps back at him. "What the fuck did you do that made her leave?"
Bucky runs a hand through his hair and sighs, drenched in shame. "I yelled at her," He says in an ironically small voice.
"Yelled?" Sam repeats with narrow eyes. "You had a fight?" Though any other couple having an argument wouldn't make Sam flinch, it's rare for you and Bucky to butt heads.
"It wasn't a normal fight," Bucky says, his eyes downcast. "I, uh, I yelled at her bad. Got in her face, and..."
Sam's face drops. "Did you hurt her?"
"No," Bucky says, immediately and emphatically. "I would fucking never, Wilson. I'm not... I'm not my father."
With a long sigh, Sam sits down next to him. "Is it what you said, or how you said it?"
"How. I got up close to her, and... she thought I was trying to intimidate her," Bucky recounts.
"Was she scared?" Sam asks him.
"No. No, she wasn't. She knows I'd never, ever lay a finger on her, but she's pissed that I acted in that way. As if I wanted her to think I might," Bucky spills, feeling sick to his stomach.
"Yeah, you fucked up," Sam sighs. "You know what she's been through. You know what her dad was like. I thought you knew better than to raise your voice at her, no matter what the situation is or what she might have done."
"I did. I do, I just... slipped up," He responds. "I'm an asshole, I know."
"Where is she?" Sam wonders softly.
"Banita's. Been there since Monday," Bucky tells him.
Sam's ears perk up as he looks over at him. "You want me to, uh, go over?"
"No, I don't want you to apologize on my behalf," Bucky says. "I need to do that myself."
"Just to check on her," Sam adds. "Make sure she's okay. I won't even bring you up."
With a long sigh, Bucky nods. "Yeah. Yeah, that would be good."
"Alright," Sam says, feeling his heartbeat quicken at the thought of seeing Banita. "I'll go over today."
You're sitting on the carpeted floor of Banita's living room, painting her toenails, both of you surrounded by tens of baskets with chocolate-covered strawberries, baked goods, and plenty of other treats sent to you by Anonymous. And you'd bet a lot of money on who Anonymous is.
Bucky's been sending you things, knowing better than to leave notes for you with them, and although you're still pissed, you are appreciative of the fact that he's also gone so far as to send gluten-free treats for Banita too, along with things to help with her pregnancy.
You delve into the basket closest to you and grab a chocolate truffle and just as you pop it into your mouth, there's a knock at the door.
"I was wondering when he might show up," Banita says as she slowly stands up. "I'll get it. I need to thank him for the brownies and nipple cream, anyway."
"If it is him, tell him I don't want to see him and that he can fuck himself with a rusty pipe," You say bluntly as you lean back against her couch.
She gives you a nod before leaving the room. You listen as she pads down the hall and opens the front door. It's a man's voice but you can't make out who exactly it is yet. They talk for a few seconds before the door closes, and when Banita returns to the bedroom, you're surpised to see Sam behind her. Admittedly, there is a tiny part of you that's disappointed.
"Hey," He greets you. "I, uh, just wanted to come check on you."
"Oh. It's nice to see you," You reply, standing up and stretching. "Can you paint the rest of Banita's toes? My back's killing."
Banita takes her place back on the floor, one hand on her round belly and the other on the carpet as she stretches her legs out. Sam carefully takes your place in front of her, his eyes trained on Banita's bump. She rests her feet in his lap and you hand him the bottle of white polish before laying on the couch.
"So, Bucky sent you to grovel on his behalf?" You ask him with a raised brow.
"No," Sam retorts while painting Banita's toes with precision. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" You question. "I'm absolutely fucking fine."
He gives you a pointed look in response.
"Don't look at me like that; I'm fine," You double down stubbornly. "Bucky's the one who should be upset with himself."
"He is," Sam tells you. "He's torn up."
"Fucking hell, Wilson, stop trying to make me feel bad for what he did," You spit before standing up and storming out the room.
Banita sucks in a sharp breath, giving him wide eyes. "Damn. You really suck at checking in on people," She comments, resting back on her palms. "You should probably go after her before she gets too close to my kitchen knives."
With a sigh, Sam stands up and follows you out. He doesn't see you until he sets foot in the kitchen, where you're sat at the counter eating leftover cake.
"I wasn't trying to make you feel bad," He tells you lowly. "I was just being honest with you. He knows how badly he fucked up."
"Good," You say curtly before taking another bite.
"I didn't come here to speak for him," Sam begins. "And I sure as hell don't think you should forgive him just because I said he's moping around. He's a grown man; he can earn his own forgiveness."
"Exactly," You mumble, suddenly realizing how much you miss Bucky. With a wince, you look up at Sam. "He is... okay, though, right? Like, he's eating and sleeping? Showering?"
"He is," Sam tells you, to which you let out a short sigh of relief.
"Good. Because it would be super manipulative of him to act all broken and torn apart because of the way I reacted to what he did," You state firmly.
"You gonna talk to him soon?" Sam wonders.
With a shrug, you stab your fork into the cake and pick up another bite. "I'll be at the gala tomorrow night," You tell him. "If he looks hot enough, it might motivate me to grace him with my presence."
That pulls a smile from his lips, and he comes closer before looking down at the cake box in front of you. "What flavor is that?" He asks curiously.
"Oh, it's vanilla; the pink is just food coloring," You explain. "B did a little gender-reveal at the baby shower."
His breath hitches in his throat. "She... she's having a girl?" He asks in a whisper.
You nod. "Yep."
With a gulp, Sam spins on his heels and hightails it back to the living room, leaving you there confused. You shrug and continue eating the cake.
When the door slams open, Banita jumps back in shock. "What the fuck, Samuel?" She utters with wide eyes.
He takes a few steps in, closing the door behind him. He's unable to stop himself from looking at her bump. Meeting her eyes, he utters, "She's mine, isn't she?"
Banita gasps softly, one of her hands on her belly. "Sam, I..."
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks her.
"I thought you wouldn't... men like you don't... you're in the fucking mob, Sam," She says, her eyes welling up. "I figured you wouldn't want anything to do with us. You never asked me, anyway, and I thought it was pretty obvious."
"Obvious?" He repeats with a whisper.
"Well, you fucked me without a condom at the wedding and here I am, 8 months later, 8 months pregnant," Banita says frankly. "Is that not obvious enough to you?"
"I... I've been afraid to ask. To hear the truth," He admits, getting down on his knee next to her. "And that was wrong. And selfish. You've had no choice but to go through this, and I had the privilege to pretend it wasn't happening. I'm so, so sorry."
"Sam-"
"Nothing will ever make up for the months I missed, all the things you must have gone through that I wasn't there to help you with," He continues, shame dripping from his tone. "Please give me a chance to be the man I should have been for you from the start. For you and... for our baby girl."
The tears spill over and Banita nods. "Of course, Sam. I'd want nothing more," She says, just before he pulls her into a tight embrace.
You get to the gala an hour late, dressed in a burgundy, silk dress, because you know it drives Bucky insane to see you in silk and you wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to punish him some more.
It's a boring party with boring business people in attendance, but it was important for you and Bucky to show your faces to keep the community happy and on side. When you spot Bucky, he's in the middle of a conversation with a few other men, so you make your way to the bar.
"Mrs. Barnes," A voice calls out from behind you just before you can order a drink. You turn to see the man who runs one of Bucky's front companies; John Walker, with a smile on his face. "It's fantastic to have you join us this evening." As he comes closer, he takes your hand and places a soft kiss to the back of it. "You look beautiful tonight."
Holding back an eye-roll, you give him a polite smile. "Thank you, John, it's good to be here," You reply.
"Are you looking for your husband? I think I saw him by the stairs," He says, looking around the room.
"Actually, all I'm looking for is a drink," You inform him.
"Of course!" He exclaims, taking your hand and leading you to the bar. "Make full use of the open bar, Mrs. Barnes. Tonight's a celebration!"
Before he can leave, you call out, "Hey, Walker."
He turns back to you, still smiling. "How can I help?" He asks you.
"We've been going back and forth with the Granville deal for months, now," You begin, tilting your head. "How about you get your head out of your ass and just agree to 12%?"
An incredulous laugh leaves his mouth, a mixture of shock and delight in his eyes. "I, uh, I think we should discuss this when Barnes is here-"
"I'm Barnes, and I'm right here," You cut in firmly. "Cut the bullshit, Jonathan. Sign the papers. Tonight."
The corner of his mouth pulls up into a smirk. "Ah, you know what it does to me when you call me that," He says in what you think is an attempt to sound seductive as he moves closer to you.
You raise a brow, unamused. "Excuse me?" You utter. "Watch yourself. And if you know what's good for you, you'll sign the papers and have them delivered to our office first thing tomorrow."
His smugness falters and he gives you a single nod. "Yes, ma'am," He says simply.
With that, you spin on your heel and leave him at the bar, no clear destination in mind - until you see him.
Bucky looks good. Tired, but good.
His slouched back straightens up when he spots you, and he watches as you walk over to him. "Hi, fairy," He says, looking you up and down. "You look incredible."
"I know," You reply, holding back your desire to pull him in for a hug. Yes, you're mad at him, but you've also missed him terribly.
"I'm so sorry for the other night," He continues with a pained look on his face. "I love you more than anything, and the way I treated you was beyond awful. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm sorry."
Glancing around the busy hall, you decide against giving anyone rumor material, so you hold out your hand to him. "Come with me," You say softly. Once he places his hand in yours, you turn and lead him up the wide staircase, in search of somewhere private, away from prying ears. There are a few guests milling around the hallways so you continue walking until you finally open up some French doors and find a small, isolated balcony. Moonlight bounces off the silver railing, and you release Bucky's hand to rest both of yours onto it, finding it cool to the touch. Once you hear the doors close behind you, you turn to face him.
Bucky ventures to take a step closer to you, his familiar aftershave providing you with a sense of calmness. He doesn't know what to say or do right now - and you can tell. So, deciding not to torture him too badly, you take the glass of dark whiskey from his hand and take a sip from it.
"I will always love you, James," You begin. "I didn't lie when I told you my love is permanent and unconditional. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't leave you."
"I know," It's his turn to say. "I don't take you for granted, or assume that you'll always stay no matter how I treat you. Putting effort into loving you and caring for you and protecting you is a choice I make every day, and will keep making every day for the rest of my life."
You take in a deep breath before handing his whiskey back to him. "I don't think I've ever admitted how excited I was about you when we first met. You were dangerous and scary, yet also sweet and thoughtful at the same time," You tell him with a soft smile. "It was like having my very own dragon. Burning whoever I asked you to and letting me bask in the warmth of your flames. It felt good. The risk was terrifying but exhilarating. You're still my dragon, and I know you always will be."
"Always," He says with a whisper.
Resting your back against the railing, you hand the whiskey back to him. "You'd kill for me. Destroy cities for me. Commit the worst crimes for me," You state firmly. "But those things come easy to you. It's as easy as breathing for you to stop the heart of men who look at me too long. You kill without so much as flinching. Sure, there's a twisted part of me that gets off on knowing you've done those things for me and would do them again without question, but you enjoy it, too, James. It makes you feel like a man. It allows you to be a sadist in the name of love. It comes easy to you."
He keeps his eyes on yours without interrupting you. You're sure you spot a glimmer of fear in his gaze - does he think he's losing you?
"The reason I fell in love with you wasn't because you would destroy for me. It was because, despite your dark side, you found the strength to be kind for me," You tell him. "To show mercy to others when I asked you to. To ignore your ego and pride. I know those parts don't come easy to you, but you try for me, and that's all I've ever asked for. That's why I love you and why I want to live the rest of my life with you and for you, Jamie."
He takes another step closer to you and you knows he's itching to hold you.
"That night, Jamie, the night I left..." You begin, feeling your stomach sink as you relive it. "I felt a little bit of the burn from your flame for the very first time. And I know you didn't mean it. But that didn't make it burn any less."
Bucky's head drops and shame drenches his features. He breathes in and out deeply once, twice, three times, before finally looking back up at you. "You're right," He utters, which seems a good place to begin. "I like it. Having to burn the world for you. I enjoy hurting those who try to hurt you. It makes me feel like you need me, and I like being needed. Especially at the start, before you'd ever even seen a gun in person. You were mine to protect and shield. You gave me purpose. That's not all it was, of course, you know I fell in love with you that first night. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't use you to boost my own ego, too."
It feels odd, having such a candid conversation with him. After so long, you've opened up to each other about any and everything, so it got to a point where you felt you already knew whatever there was to know about him, and him about you. Being this brutally honest is refreshing.
"But we both grew up and learnt a lot since we were twenty," He continues. "It's been a long time. But... yeah, sometimes, when I can still be the one who destroys for you, who kills for you... it feels good. I can't help it and I don't think that will ever change. It's the way I'm wired."
"I don't want it to change," You whisper, moving closer to him. "I like having my own dragon."
His lips pull up into a small, sad smile. "But I've grown too much to still be making mistakes. Especially when it comes to you. I never, ever want you to be afraid of me. The thought makes me sick to my stomach," He tells you. "I love you too much to ever hurt you, fairy."
You finally charge forward and wrap your arms around him, sick of being without the serenity his embrace brings you. He holds you immediately. "I love you, Jamie," You say, your voice muffled against his chest. Pulling back, you look up at him. "I was angry that night because it felt like you were trying to scare me into submission. Into shutting up. But don't ever think for a second that I was actually scared of you. Just pissed that you tried it."
"I'm sorry," He says again. "I love you exactly the way you are and I'd never want to silence you. The only time I ever want you submissive is when I'm-"
"Alright," You cut him off, unable to keep the smile off your face. "We both know what you need from me. And we both know the bedroom is a very different place to the real world."
"Absolutely," He agrees with a glint in his eye, daring to move his hand lower down on your waist.
"And if you think you're gonna be allowed pleasure any time soon, you've got another thing coming, Barnes," You say, your tone darkening. "Get on your knees."
Slowly, he sinks down to the ground. You pull on the slit in your dress, revealing more of your leg to him.
"I spoke to Walker," You reveal to him. "He agreed to 12%. He's gonna sign tonight."
Bucky looks up you, slight surprise in his eyes. "Seriously?" His lips brush against your thigh until they stop when he feels something hard and cool. He looks to see you wearing the gold chain he bought you with the letter 'J' dangling from one of the diamonds. His pants tighten. You only wear it rarely; not wanting the magic effect it has on him to dull by wearing it too often.
"It was about time he got in line," You utter. "And someone had to make it happen. Now, enough business talk. Make me cum."
He hikes your dress up and sucks in sharply when he sees the black, lace panties you're wearing. Moving closer, he presses his face against your heat and breathes in deeply. "I missed you," He whispers, and you aren't entirely sure whether he's talking to you or your pussy.
His left hand wraps around your ankle before he dances it up your thigh and pulls your panties to the side. Teasingly, he blows cool air onto your clit, making it throb. It's been a long week without him, and you're extra sensitive for it.
"Stop fucking around," You say, glaring down at him. "Do your job."
With his eyes hooked onto yours, Bucky happily obeys. He licks from your hole to your clit before diving his face in. Instanty, you're plunged into pleasure. His hands tightly grab your waist, keeping you firmly in place while he eats you out.
"Don't stop," You cry out, your voice pitching up a few levels. "That's a good boy."
He groans into you, picking up your leg and resting it on his shoulder, giving him a better angle to drown in you. Bucky takes one of his thumbs to your clit and rubs quick circles onto it. You pull his free hand up to your chest, squeezing your tits with it, wordlessly begging him to play with them. He understands instantly, rubbing your nipples over the thin silk of your dress and twisting them once they harden.
You throw your head back, seeing stars even with your eyes closed, tugging harshly on his hair. Eventually, it becomes too much to take, and you feel your pleasure crescendo. With a cry of his name, you cum. He doesn't let up, continuing to suck on your clit through your orgasm.
It isn't until you shove him away, over-sensitive and tingling, that he finally breaks away, but he immediately tries to return. You place your your hand on his forehead and keep him at bay, but your hand falters for just a moment and he takes advantage, lunging forward and diving back into your soaking, pulsating pussy.
"Jamie, I can't," You whine, your breaths quick and shallow as he tortures your sensitive clit.
He gives you only a second's reprieve, pulling back to utter, "You will," before indulging in you again.
Your heart is racing and your entire body is on fire. Stunned with pleasure, you can't speak. He grabs fistfuls of your ass, groaning into you like a madman. He drinks from you as though he's thirsted for an eon and has finally happened upon an oasis. He proves to you just how much he needs you, and needs to please you.
Through the fog of overstimulation, you suddenly see the light. The uncomfortably thick tension finally flickers into that familiar build-up in your core, and you're ready for the wave again. And he can feel it. He looks up at you, sucking on your clit, pulling you through your second orgasm which comes much quicker than your first. You're weak and broken, submitting to the pleasure with no choice but to do so.
You lean back against the rail when he finally pulls away from you, both of you breathing heavily. Bucky rises back up, towering over you once again. His big arms are on either side of you and you're incredibly tempted to let him fuck you, but you know you need to make him grovel some more before you grant him that.
"You're insane," You whisper.
His lips pull up and he leans down to kiss you, treating your lips much gentler than he did your pussy just moments before. "I love you, fairy," Bucky says. "I can't promise I won't ever mess up again, but I can promise that I won't ever stop putting the effort in to be the best husband I can to you."
With a small smile, you lean up and peck his lips. "That's my boy," You whisper. "I love you more."
He wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head. "Impossible."
happy valentines day!
feb 14th and this is my first post of 2026... oops
but in all honesty i've been constantly writing, it's just that i'm working on longer form one-and-done fics rather than series to stop myself from creating more and more unfinished works (his soft animal and the tailor's son are glaring at me from the corner)
i have a lot of work that i'm sooo excited to write and share with you guys this year. the longer-form stuff, such as the right fit which was my last post, really allows me to include nuance and symbolism and all the other pretentious shit i love shoehorning in to my writing. i hope you stick out the wave with me <3
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
You're similar to Bucky. It's why the two of you are good friends. You both appreciate dimly lit bars, prolonged silences, and violence being the answer to most problems. The sex isn't half-bad, either.
She's the complete opposite of you. Sunshine personified. She bakes, wears colorful dresses, and is never in a bad mood. But it seems like she might be exactly what Bucky wants, and needs.
Content Warning: FWB!Bucky x Avenger!F!Reader, mature themes, smut, angst, unrequited feelings, jealous!reader, insecurity, pining, nightmares, trauma, PTSD, i started writing this before watching thunderbolts so this is a good old-fashioned Avengers tower fic.
word count: 14k
"We head out in the morning," He tells you, his voice at a low hum. "Gonna be my longest mission in a while."
You turn your head to face him, raising a brow as your finger runs around the rim of your beer bottle. "Are you trying to bait me into saying I'm gonna miss you, Sergeant?" You ask him, pulling a smirk from his lips.
"I know better than that, gunner," He replies before taking a long sip of beer. "Just letting you know ahead of time, so you can prepare for the cold, lonely nights ahead."
"Steve's not going, is he?" You question coyly, holding back your laugh.
All you get in response is an eye roll.
You like the bar when it's empty. No lavish party being thrown, no strangers attempting to socialize with you, no pressure. Just you and Bucky making a dent in Tony's good stuff, and christening a couple of the couches while you're in here.
"So, you'll be gone when I wake up," You begin, meeting his eyes with yours. "I think that means you owe me a good night."
"Yeah?" He utters, before wrapping his hand around the leg of your stool and dragging you closer to him. "And how, exactly, do I give you that?"
"You should know by now, Serge," You reply, tracing his right bicep with your finger. His arms might be your favorite thing about him.
"No, I wanna hear it from you," Bucky says lowly, leaning in closer. "In detail. Tell me what you want me to do to you."
Your stomach flips, and your heart beats a little faster. Don't show him how much he affects you. Don't give him the satisfaction. "I want you to bend me over this bar and fuck me," You say bluntly. "Hard."
"Yeah?" He mumbles, getting that dazed look in his eyes as he places his hand on your thigh and squeezes it. "Do you deserve it?"
Unable to keep collected, you let go of your pride and give in. He's the only one who gets you like this - the only one you trust with this side of you. "Bucky," You almost beg. "Please."
"There it is," He breathes out smugly. "That's my girl. Keep going; I'm not sure you've earned it yet."
Needing to feel him against you, you get off your stool and onto his lap, legs on either side of his. "Please, Sergeant, I need you really bad," You whine, moaning as you feel his boner against you.
His lips part and a shaky breath escapes his mouth. You're the only one who gets him like this - the only one he trusts with this side of him. "Give me a kiss, baby," Bucky mumbles, his hands moving down to your waist.
And, to his credit, he gives you a fucking great night. And, like you expected, he's gone in the morning.
"Couldn't this wait until next week's debrief?" You complain as you walk alongside Natasha down the corridors.
"Tony said we needed a short catch-up; there are apparently a few important updates he wants to give us," She tells you as you approach the meeting room.
"Is he finally gonna tell the spider boy to stop eating my protein bars?" You grumble before pushing open the door to the room.
You're surprised to see not only Avengers, but SHIELD agents in the room, too, as well as some others you don't recognise. The chairs around the table are all taken, so you and Natasha elect to stand against one of the walls, next to a group of agents that are familiar to you. Everyone's talking amongst themselves as it seems Tony still hasn't arrived. Trust him to be late to his own meeting.
"Good morning, Bloodhound," An agent standing next to you says with a nervous smile on his face, making you grimace.
The name that Oscorp gave you during their experiments on you unfortunately stuck in the minds of the public and anyone else you're not close to, and though you're not fond of it, you're not sure what else you'd rather they call you. The other Avengers usually use your first name, but you wouldn't want to give the agents that same access to you. Bucky calls you gunner as a reference to your time in the army, and as a response to you refusing to call him anything but Sergeant. Though the name Bloodhound has dark memories attached to it, you've learned to live with the fact that it's what you'll always be known as.
"I, uh, saw you running in Central Park this morning," The agent continues. "I see you there quite a lot, actually."
With narrow eyes, you glare at him. Your runs are an escape from reality, so to know they're being infiltrated by a stalkerish agent isn't the best feeling in the world.
"I was thinking," He goes on to say with a small smile. "Maybe we could run togeth-"
"What the fuck are you doing?" You cut him off coldly. Have you not built up your reputation enough? Why does he feel confident enough to ask to join you on your fucking runs?
His face drops and his cheeks flush pink, and he immediately turns to face the front.
Natasha snorts before nudging you. "Be nice," She mumbles.
You turn to her with an incredulous look. "Why?" You ask her, genuinely curious to hear her answer.
It's no secret that you aren't the most welcoming or warm of people - it took you three months to let Natasha into your room - and you don't care how it comes across. Admittedly, the trauma you faced at the hands of Osborn and Oscorp rid you of any fucks to give when it comes to being nice. Maybe you sound bitter and unfair, but you've done the therapy thing and you know it's not right to blame the world for what you went through- but that doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone.
Most people suck. You'd rather not waste your energy on them.
Finally, Tony walks into the room with Pepper. "Sorry I'm late, folks," He calls out as the hubbub in the room quietens. "We haven't got a lot to get through, though, so I promise I won't be long."
While he talks through the more boring updates, you pull out your phone to check if Bucky's messaged you. It's a bad habit, and one that's only recently started. You've found yourself anticipating him; waiting for him to say something to you. It's a bad habit.
Sergeant Barnes
Just landed in Croatia.
It's been a full ten minutes and Sam hasn't mentioned Steve yet, so you owe me twenty bucks
Your lip pulls up at the corner but before you can subtly text him back, Natasha nudges you hard.
"Is he serious?" She asks you, looking at Tony with her brows furrowed.
Deciding to listen in, you put your phone away and focus on the meeting. "There won't be a huge difference and it'll be business as usual, but a few of you are being moved into other departments as a result of the government's involvement," Pepper says, to which Tony rolls his eyes. "They think it would be beneficial to create a role specifically focused on wellbeing."
"They still don't trust that I know what I'm doing," He adds, failing to hide the bitterness in his tone. "So I'd like everyone to welcome Poppy Newton; our Team Coordination and Wellness Officer."
Everyone's eyes go to the woman sitting in the middle of the table, including yours. Her baby blue dress and yellow-rimmed glasses make her stick out like a sore thumb among the agents in their dark tactical suits. The bright smile on her face only widens as the spotlight falls on her, and she looks around at everyone while she speaks.
"It's lovely to be here, and to be part of the team," She begins. "While I will be mainly stationed in the tower with a strong focus on the Avengers, I want the SHIELD agents to know that I'm just an email away."
"Lovely," Tony says, before clapping his hands together. "Alright, that's all for today. If anyone has any questions about their changed roles, ask Pepper, not me." While everyone else begins to file out of the room, Tony points at you and Natasha. "Girls, would you please be so kind as to show Poppy around?" He asks, though you know it's more of an order.
You grab Natasha's arm. "Hey, so uh, I was planning on training-"
"No, you're not getting out of this," She cuts you off bluntly. "Come on. It'll be good to meet her. After all; she's here to look after us."
With an inward sigh, you follow Natasha out of the meeting room where Poppy is waiting. She perks up when she sees you both, flashing you another one of those bright smiles.
"It's such an honour to be working with you Ms Romanoff, and Sergeant Y/L/N," She says.
"It's great to have you with us, Poppy, and please just call me Natasha; no need for the formalities," She responds politely. "Shall we start the tour?"
"Please!" Poppy chirps, before the three of you begin walking.
The tour consists of Natasha chatting away with Poppy, while you trail close behind. You know she's a part of the team now, but you can't see yourself being friends with Poppy - she describes things as wonderful and cosy, where you just see sweaty gyms and dusty common areas.
When the tour finally comes to an end and Poppy is dropped off to her room to settle in, you let out a long sigh and rest against the wall.
"She's nice!" Natasha exclaims, already knowing what you're thinking.
"She's exhausting," You grumble. "How can one person be so constantly... on?"
"You know, there are happy people in the world," She teases, nudging your shoulder before beginning to walk away. "Not everyone is as dark and gloomy as you!"
"Nah, I've sent Sam out on a beer run, and we're about 20 miles away from the nearest town, so I'll be alone for a little while," Bucky tells you over the phone. "How's it going over there? Steve said something about a big, important meeting we missed."
"I don't know about big and important," You reply flatly while mindlessly scrolling through movies on the TV opposite your bed. "Mostly just updates for the agents that make no difference to us. Oh, and Tony's had to hire someone to look after us."
"Look after us?" Bucky repeats with confusion in his tone.
"Yeah, I'm not actually sure what her job is, but the government sent her to make sure we don't go crazy or something," You tell him absentmindedly. "So far, she's printed off everyone's schedules on coloured paper, and I think she gave Steve a massage."
"A massage, hmm? You're making me excited to come home," He says, and you can hear the smirk.
"Oh, yeah? The idea of a woman you've never even seen gets you more excited than me?" You ask dryly, not genuinely offended but still wanting to push the boundaries of whatever your relationship with Bucky is.
"Is she hot?" He asks.
You think about it, tilting your head. "She's definitely pretty," You say. "I don't know if she's your type, though."
"So what you're saying is, she looks nothing like you?" He questions, to which you snort.
"Are you saying I'm your type?" You ask slyly. "And here I thought you were just getting your dick wet with the first person who could get it hard."
"Hey, you weren't the first," Bucky says defensively.
"I was the first who managed to keep it up," You point out.
"Doesn't that technically make you my type?" He wonders.
"Maybe I intellectually turn you on because of how smart I am," You poise. "Doesn't mean I'm physically your type. But I think Poppy definitely isn't your type."
"Poppy, huh? Sounds cute," He quips.
"Oh, cute is the perfect word for her because she uses it to describe, like, everything," You say with a dry laugh. "And she wears a lot of colors, and is always smiling, and bakes cookies every night."
"Alright, I'm beginning to see what you mean," Bucky says with a chuckle. "She's not you, baby."
As much as you hate that your heart takes him seriously when he makes off-handed comments like that, you can't help it when your stomach flips. "Anyway, when are you coming back? I'm bored and want sex," You say flatly. That's it. Make it about sex. Nothing romantic or emotional at all.
"We'll be back at some point tomorrow, we just need to wrap a few things up tonight," He tells you. "Then I'll wrap my thing up tomorrow night... and put it inside you."
"That was terrible. We don't even use condoms," You utter. "But I'm looking forward to it."
"You're not leaving me, are you?" He asks.
"I have my show to catch up on," You tell him.
"But I thought, you know, with Sam gone for a little bit, we could have some fun," He says suggestively.
You smirk to yourself and sink back into your pillow. "I don't think so, Sergeant," You reply. "You know I love it when you get back from a mission with all that pent up frustration you can take out on me. I'm not ridding myself of that opportunity. Especially not when you've been gone so long."
"Fuck, you're killing me," He groans. "You're really not gonna help me out?"
"No, and you're not allowed to help yourself out, either, so don't take it out your pants," You order him sternly.
"Too late. It's been out since you picked up."
"Sergeant Barnes!"
"You know your voice is enough for me. Can't I just listen to you rant about your show, or Poppy while I... help myself out?" He inquires.
"Absolutely not; you've been waiting all week so you can wait another night. And I don't want you to jerk off while I talk about another woman," You say curtly.
"Jealous, are we?"
There it is. The stinging J word. You tease each other with it, knowing it's the second emotion you aren't allowed to feel - the first being love. You and Bucky are just friends who have a lot of sex, and emotions would just get in the way of that.
"No, it's the principle," You claim. "I'm not helping you get off to someone else."
"I don't even know what she looks-"
"Listen, Sergeant, you are not allowed to cum until you next see me," You cut him off, sick of him thinking he has you on strings. "Put your pathetic little dick away and count sheep. And when you see me tomorrow, you're gonna fuck my brains out like it's the last time. Do you understand?"
There's a brief pause and he lets out a shaky breath. "Yes."
You sigh. "Yes, what?"
Another brief pause before he responds. "Yes... mommy."
"That's a good boy," You say. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"If you haven't killed me by then," He says with a strained voice. "Fuck, I can't wait to fuck you."
"Good night, Sergeant," You sing teasingly.
"Good night, you little shit."
Team dinners are one of the first things Poppy implemented as the Wellness Officer. She claims that quality time can lead to a 25% increase in efficiency and communication in the field, and you wonder what branch of the army she learnt that from.
While the others converse among each other, you play with your stew. It's almost 8pm and Bucky and Sam still aren't back, and if you have to wait another day, you aren't sure that you'll survive. One of the reasons you and Bucky started sleeping together was stress relief, and with Poppy's delightful presence having you on edge, you're as stressed as ever.
"More bread?" Steve asks as he holds the basket out to you.
"No, thank you, Captain," You reply, unable to speak to him any less formally. Your time as a weapon for the army left you with traits and behaviors you couldn't control, most of which you therapied away, but respect for those who rank above you is one of those things that just doesn't seem to budge.
Steve knows that, and though he hates that you're constantly at attention around him, waiting for an order or scolding, he understands that it's how you're wired.
"Poppy made it fresh," Tony tells you as he takes another piece, his eyes fluttering shut as he smells it. "And it's glorious."
With pink cheeks, Poppy shyly looks down at her bowl. If nothing else, it is interesting to have her around. Though nobody is quite as stoic or cold as you (besides Bucky on his bad days), none of the Avengers are anywhere near as upbeat and joyous as Poppy, either. You wonder how it works. Where does that energy come from? Is it naivety that makes her see the best in everything? Has she never been hurt, or betrayed? What's wrong with her?
Would you be like her if you didn't go through what you went through?
"Finally," Tony says as he looks down at his watch that just flashed with a notification. "The boys are back!"
Although you want to rush to the hangar and steal Bucky away to the nearest bed, you have an image of nonchalance to uphold, so you remain seated, taking another bite of your stew. It takes almost ten minutes for Sam and Bucky to get to the dining room, each minute driving you closer to the brink of insanity.
When you see him walk in, you shift in your seat but remain sitting. His eyes immediately land on you, and he shoots you a sly wink that makes your thighs squeeze together.
"Hey, come on in, sit down," Bruce greets them, pulling out the empty chair next to him. "You must be hungry."
"Nah, we filled up on MREs on our way back," Sam tells him, to which Wanda grimaces.
"I don't know how you guys actually eat those things," She says with a look of disgust on her face.
"They're army boys; they're used to 'em," Natasha says with a laugh.
"And they're much better nowadays than they were in the 40s," Bucky adds.
"Sure? Poppy made stew and fresh bread," Tony tells them, before perking up. "Oh! This is Poppy, by the way, our new Wellness Officer. Poppy, this is-"
"Sergeant Wilson, and Sergeant Barnes, it's an honor to meet you both," She says as she rushes to her feet, shaking each of their hands.
"Please, we're just Sam and Bucky in here," Sam tells her with a chuckle. "So, wellness, huh?"
While they chat, Bucky walks over to you. "Hey, do you mind if I discuss something with you? We found some files that might be linked to Oscorp, so I wanted you to have a look at them first," He says, and you know he's lying through his teeth and just wants to get you alone so he can ravage you. And, more than happy to comply, you stand up.
"Ooh, hold on!" Poppy calls out to you both. "As Sergea- Bucky has just arrived from a mission, I need to go through the debrief with him."
"We don't have debriefs until Captain Rogers and Tony look through the intel," You point out to her with a frown.
"Oh, no, not a mission debrief, per say," She says with a soft laugh. "More of a personal debrief. Just to make sure everyone comes back feeling good."
"I feel fine," Bucky says flatly.
Poppy laughs again, and you realize it's something she does when she's nervous. "I'd much prefer to talk about it one-on-one with you, Bucky," She says. "It's a new policy that's been put in place. I'll talk to you first, and then Sam, if that's okay?"
"Sure," Sam agrees while taking a piece of bread from the basket on the table.
"It's policy, Barnes," Tony sings, giving him a pointed look.
Letting out a sigh, Bucky nods. "Alright," He says, shooting you a quick look. "We'll discuss the Oscorp files later."
"Yep," You say, trying not to let your annoyance show as Poppy leads Bucky out of the room.
"Ooh, Y/N's boyfriend just got stolen," Clint sings teasingly, making Sam snort.
A cold glare is shot his way from you. "Fuck off, Barton," You utter. "Don't you have kids to raise?"
"They're at sleepaway camp!" He exclaims.
"You two should fight to the death," Tony casually suggests, standing up. "I'm taking bets, people."
"I'll put ten on Clint," Bruce says, raising his hand.
"What? Y/N's a super soldier that can make his blood explode," Wanda says with a scoff.
"That was one time, and I still haven't figured out how I did that," You tell her, before focusing your glare on Clint. "But what I do know is how to dislocate your shooting shoulder in less than a second."
He clutches it protectively. "Alright, I yield," He says, sitting back in his chair.
"Anyway, I'm going to bed before Poppy comes back and makes us all sing kumbaya," You say flatly, standing up.
Thor snorts, shaking his head. "She's a lovely girl, Y/N," He comments while you walk towards the door. "You oughta learn a thing or two from her!" He manages to get in before you leave the room.
You grumble all the way back to your room. Learn from her? What, how to perfectly place stickers on a chart?
You manage to watch an entire episode of your show and Bucky still doesn't arrive. For some reason, even though you know it likely isn't his fault that his talk with Poppy is taking so long, you still want to punish him, so you leave your room and head to one of the common rooms you know will be empty at this time.
This common room is filled with lava lamps and low lighting; Tony said it would be relaxing. Relaxing isn't something you're capable of, though, so you pace around the couch instead, letting your mind wander to dark places. Are they fucking? Or worse, emotionally connecting? What if he falls in love with her?
"Thought I'd find you here, gunner."
You spin around to see Bucky standing in the doorway in nothing but a pair of briefs, taking you aback.
"You're naked," You utter.
"I'm sorry I took so long," He begins. "It-"
"I don't care, Sergeant," You cut him off curtly. "Get over here, already."
He obeys you without another word, striding over to you. Once he reaches you, he immediately crashes his lips onto yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth as his hands squeeze your ass. It doesn't take long for him to remove your t-shirt and pyjama shorts before throwing you onto the couch with a look of hunger in his eyes.
"I thought about this every second that I was gone," He utters lowly, sinking to his knees. "Are you nice and wet for me, baby?"
Your hips lift up in anticipation as your breath hitches in your throat. "So fucking wet for you," You whisper.
He crawls over to you before leaning up and using nothing but his teeth to pull down your panties. Once they're off, he tightly grabs your thighs and spreads your legs. When he dives into your pussy, you cry out, your head thrown back against the couch.
Bucky wasn't always this good at eating you out- in fact, at first, he was borderline terrible. It was his first time going down on someone since the 40s, and you could tell. He was happy to take on your constructive criticism, though, and now you can honestly say he's the best oral sex you've ever had - you could also honestly say he's the best sex you've ever had, full stop, but you don't want to give him a bigger ego.
"Just like that, Bucky, don't stop," You whimper, tugging on his hair. His eyes are on you, his pupils so dilated you can barely see any blue.
His hands trail up your stomach, up to your tits. While his tongue fucks you, he pulls and twists on your nipples, making your legs shake. Your eyes roll back and your back arches. The long wait for this has meant you're not lasting very long at all, ready to cum already.
"That's it, baby, let go," He mumbles before sucking on your clit.
You let out a strangled cry, pulling his hair so hard you're sure you've left a bald patch, as you reach your climax. Bucky keeps going while you shake beneath him, letting out weak whimpers.
He eventually gives you a break and pulls away, crawling up onto the couch and settling between your still-shaking legs. His hand cups your face as you breathe heavily, his thumb stroking your cheek, watching you. Many times before he's told you how much he loves watching you during this part - coming down from your orgasm. Watching as your heartbeat returns to normal, your breaths less deep, your wits slowly returning to you. Bucky lets you come down completely before kissing you. He's always been a good kisser; that was one you thing you didn't have to train him on.
"How was that?" He whispers against your lips.
"It was alright," You answer with a grin.
"Hmm. One step up from okay," He says, rubbing your earlobe between his fingers. "Ready for me to fuck your brains out, now?"
"No, I wanna suck your dick, first," You tell him. "Needa return the favor."
"That wasn't a favor; that was me doing what I wanted to you," He corrects you. "And now, I wanna fuck you."
"But I wanna suck your dick," You counter, digging your nails into his shoulders as you grind your hips, rubbing your wet pussy against his clothed boner. "Please, Sergeant Barnes, I want it in my throat."
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum if you don't stop," Bucky says with a shudder. "How do you get me like this so easily, huh?"
Using more of your strength than usual, you push him off you and get on your knees on the floor in front of him. He balls his hand into a fist and bites his knuckles, throwing his head back over the sofa. It drives him crazy when you manhandle him; it's the reason you can't spar together.
"Give me a second," He whispers, his chest heaving while you slowly peel his boxers down.
"I'm sorry, Sergeant, but I'm impatient," You say teasingly before wrapping your mouth around his thick cock and taking a few inches of it in.
"Oh, fuck!" He cries, running his hand through your hair. "Baby, I swear, I'm gonna cum so fucking fast if you don't give me a second-"
"So cum," You say, though your words are muffled due to the cock in your mouth. Pulling your mouth off him with a pop, you give him a blank look. "Cum down my throat, and then you can have two minutes to recover before you rail me."
He lets out a shaky breath, and lets out what almost sounds like a sob when you take him back in your mouth and start bobbing your head up and down. "Fuck, baby, you'll kill me one of these days," He groans, staring down at you as strings of pre cum and saliva coat his cock and your lips. "That's it, get it nice and messy. You like getting messy, don't you?" He rubs the cum onto your cheeks, shuddering when you wink at him. "You suck my cock so good, baby. My good little cumslut, aren't you?"
You let out a moan as his words send sparks through to your core. His dirty talk drives you insane, and he knows it. He could destroy you by just whispering a few words into your ear, and he especially loves doing so in public when there's nothing you can do about it.
"I'm close, baby," Bucky warns you.
As much as you would feel good about making him cum right now, it sounds like am even better idea to prolong his frustration- so you pull your mouth off of his dick.
"What the fuck?" He whispers between heavy breaths.
You stand up with a coy look on your face. "I changed my mind," You say simply. "Just want you to fuck me, now."
He clenches his jaw while you bite your lip, recognizing the dark look in his eyes. Not only is he frustrated, now he's irritated too. And he always fucks you harder when he's irritated.
Bucky stands up and grabs a fistful of your hair before forcing you face-down onto the couch. He mounts you from behind, using his metal hand to keep yours behind your back while he pushes his cock into you.
"Is it in yet?" You ask with a smirk, trying to hide your gasps as he fills you up.
"Fuck you just say?" He shoots back, lowering his head so his mouth is at your ear. "Gonna be like that, huh?" Without warning, he starts fucking you, hard.
Sex was something he was good at from the start, too, but he only gets better the more he learns what makes you squirm, what makes your eyes roll back, what makes your cunt tighten around him.
One of the other reasons you and Bucky decided to start sleeping together was the fact that, as you both had serum running through your blood, and had been through the worst kind of physical pain already, you can be as rough with each other as you want (which is a lot). Bucky doesn't have to worry about hurting you, which is what stopped him dating normal people, and you can manhandle him when he's in the mood to be submissive (which isn't often enough, in your opinion).
"Fuck, I missed you," He groans as he slams in and out of you. "Did you miss me, baby? Tell me."
You turn your face so your cheek is smushed against the couch. "I missed you, Serge," You let out weakly. "So fucking bad."
"Yeah?" Bucky presses, his lips nibbling at your earlobe. "Bet you couldn't stop thinking about me. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you."
Your heart flutters at his words. Don't take him seriously. It's just horny sweet nothings.
He slows down his thrusts but still fucks you just as hard, letting out a grunt each time he bottoms out in you. His face is buried in your neck, while you feel your second orgasm quickly approaching.
"Bucky," You whimper.
"Tell me, baby," He whispers softly, though his thrusts are anything but.
"I'm- I'm gonna-"
All of a sudden, you hear it. Footsteps. Then you smell it. Strawberry perfume. Bucky's thrusts stop at the exact same time your sentence is cut off - someone's coming.
The second he pulls out, the doors open. Bucky gets off you and tosses you your shirt, which you rapidly put on.
"Oh!" A familiarity grating voice chirps. "I wasn't expecting anyone to- oh."
You pull on your shorts before standing and turning to see Poppy, and you can't help the way your eyes narrow at her.
"Sorry, Poppy," Bucky says as he uses a pillow to cover his bare chest, his boner poking through his briefs.
"No, I'm sorry!" She says. "I'm just doing my nightly sweep of all the common areas to make sure they're fit for use in the morning- I assumed everyone was in their rooms by now."
"It's barely 9pm," You point out flatly, frustrated that she interrupted when you were so close to finishing.
"I'm so sorry for just bursting in like that," Poppy said, hugging a decorated clipboard to her chest. "There's never anyone in these rooms past 8."
"You've been here a week, so how would you know?" You question her.
"Alright," Bucky utters sternly, giving you a pointed look before turning back to her. "It's our fault, Poppy. We shouldn't have been... doing that here."
She nods slowly. "I wasn't aware that the two of you were a couple," She says. "There's actually a policy in place for this kind of thing - you know, to keep the both of you safe."
"I think we're plenty safe, Newton," You utter curtly. "We don't need a color-coded schedule for when we're allowed to fuck."
Bucky hides his snort with a cough.
"Of course not!" Poppy exclaims with flushed cheeks. "I don't expect you to have to schedule... that. I just want to make sure you're both alright."
"We're fine," You tell her, folding your arms across your chest. "Neither of us rank higher than the other, so there's no abuse of power. We're both consenting adults. You don't need to be involved. At all."
She winces at your words, but keeps that damn smile on her face. "I completely appreciate that, but I really do need to follow policy and speak to you both alone, just a quick catch up so we're all feeling comfortable," She says. "Bucky, could we please have the room? I'll speak to you tomorrow."
Bucky glances at you and nods. "Uh, sure," He replies, before coming closer to you and whispering in your ear. "I'll be in your room."
You clench your jaw as he walks out, watching as Poppy shyly looks down when he walks past her.
"So, that's nice! You and Bucky!" She exclaims as she closes the doors and walks further into the room. "Now that we're alone, I can ask you some questions to make sure everything's fine- which I'm sure it is."
You say nothing, your fingers twitching.
"This won't take long at all," She assures you. "Let's get started - how did this all begin?"
"Do you really need the whole story?" You ask her.
A nervous laugh escapes her mouth. "I guess not. It's just that, with you having a relationship with someone on the team, we need to ensure a healthy and respectful workplace," Poppy explains.
"I was horny one night. Bucky was there. The rest is history," You say bluntly.
Her cheeks flush pink and she nods quickly. "Right. Uh, to begin, I'd just like to ask if there have been any concerns raised by your fellow teammates about your relationship with Bucky?"
A sigh leaves your nose. "It's not exactly public knowledge," You tell her. "We've never explicitly told anyone, anyway. And to be honest, I'm not sure anyone cares."
"...Right," She says, before scribbling something down on her clipboard. "And if the relationship was to come to an end, do you foresee this resulting in any conflict, if you're still expected to work together?"
"No," You utter. "We're mature adults. I think we can handle it."
"Right, and um, just to make sure we protect you in the case of a pregnancy, would you be happy to do a monthly test?" She asks you with a raised brow.
"That won't be needed," You tell her flatly. "Oscorp didn't think it was necessary for their weapons to be able to reproduce."
Her lips part and she sucks in a sharp breath, before pursing her lips together and nodding quickly. "Right. Right."
"Will that be all?" You ask.
Poppy nods at you. "Of course. Oh, one more thing," She begins. "I would really appreciate it if you and Bucky kept your... relations... strictly in your own rooms, and not in the common areas. Alright, you're free to go!"
"I hate her," You mumble as you repeatedly open and close your switchblade. "I fucking hate her."
"She's not that bad," Natasha says. "You just need to get used to her."
You let out a grumble, staring at the breakfast counter. It's a quiet Sunday in the tower, which you're grateful for. Bucky's looking through the cabinets while Natasha paints her nails next to you. Suddenly, he gasps.
"No way. Chocolate cookie mix," He says, holding the box up. "Check it out!"
"Looks like it's been in there for years," You comment.
He reads the back and shakes his head. "It's not expired yet," He tells you, before giving you a grin. "Wanna help me make them?"
As much as you wouldn't mind baking with Bucky, you can't. Domestic, romantic tasks like that are exactly what will cause you to slip up and do something stupid like catch feelings for him. And you'll also look like a total sap in front of Natasha.
"Come on, gunner," He presses. "I'll even let you crack the eggs."
"I'm good," You say, standing your ground.
Bucky pouts at you, and before he can beg you further, someone else enters the kitchen. And of course, it's her.
"Hey, gang!" Poppy greets with a grin, her eyes widening when she sees what Bucky's holding. "Ooh, what do we have here?"
"Uh, chocolate cookie mix," He tells her. "Just in the mood for something sweet, so I thought I'd make 'em."
"That sounds like fun!" She exclaims. "Can I help?"
"Sure," He replies quickly. A little too quickly for your liking.
"First - aprons," Poppy says with a giggle, tossing him one of the aprons hung by the oven before putting on her personalised pink one that has 'Pop!' embroidered onto it. She takes the box from Bucky and reads the back. "Hey, these kind of cookies were pretty popular back when you were a kid, right?"
A warm smile grows on Bucky's face. "Yeah, they were. My grandma made the best chocolate cookies," He tells her. "I, uh, thought it might be nice to have a taste of home."
Fuck. You feel awful for rejecting him now, knowing he wanted to share a heartfelt memory with you. Shit.
"Judging by these ingredients, I don't think this box mix will taste anywhere near as good as your grandma's," Poppy says, before tossing it in the trash. "I happen to have my own recipe for chocolate cookies, passed down my family through generations. Wanna give me a hand making them?"
"Of course," Bucky says, his face absolutely lit up.
You feel a little nauseous, watching them bake together. You've never seen this side of him before. He looks... happy. At peace.
Sometimes, you wonder if you make him worse. If every time he looks at you, he's reminded of his own sordid past. If every time you refer to what you went through, it gives him his own traumatic flashbacks. He tells you his nightmares aren't as bad anymore, but he could easily be lying. At first, with everything you had in common, it made sense for you to spend time with him. But maybe he's grown out of you. Maybe he needs someone more like Poppy to show him everything good in the world, rather than remind him of all the bad.
Maybe it's best for you to withdraw.
"You okay?" Natasha asks with a whisper before blowing on her nails.
"Perfectly fine," You mumble, your eyes still on Bucky who's laughing while Poppy places balls of cookie mixture on the tray.
"All you gotta do is tell him how you feel," Natasha says.
"I don't feel anything," You state adamantly.
"Sure," She says with narrow eyes. "I see through you, ice queen. You gotta melt before you lose him."
With a huff, you leave the kitchen and make your way to the living area just outside it, slumping down on the couch. Natasha may be right, but she's also wrong. It's not about you telling him how you feel or admitting that you want more than sex - it's the fact that he deserves better than you. Someone who will light him up. Make him feel joy and excitement, not bring him down.
You're watching a mind-numbingly boring documentary when Bucky walks out into the living room, smiling when he sees you. "There you are," He says, walking over to where you're sitting.
"Here I am," You reply, your heart racing the closer he gets. Get a grip.
"Thinking about me?" Bucky asks you, standing next to the couch.
"Not at all," You lie through your teeth.
He leans down and lowers his voice. "Are you sure about that?" He questions you teasingly, before leaning in and giving you a soft, slow kiss.
His hand slips under the band of your shorts and bypasses your panties, and he rubs his fingers up and down your wet pussy. A whimper escapes your mouth, and he pulls away from the kiss with a smirk.
"I knew it," He utters, taking his hand out of your panties. "Always wet for me, aren't you?"
"No. It's this documentary," You claim stubbornly. "I'm really into... the process of making sheet metal."
"Oh, yeah?" Bucky asks with a smirk. "Got it. That's my next Halloween costume settled."
"Sorry for not making cookies with you," You say, blinking up at him. "If I knew you'd emotionally blackmail me with the dead grandma thing, I'd have said yes."
A grin spills out on his lips. "Gunner, are you feeling bad for me right now?" He wonders with a look of delight in his eyes. "Don't worry, baby, I got my cookies in the end. Poppy is a wonderful baker, by the way."
"So I've heard," You say with your eyes on the TV screen.
"She's also got a great ass," He adds, trying to get a reaction out of you.
"Yep."
"And is probably a great kisser."
"Mhm."
"Baby," He mumbles in your ear, rubbing your thigh as he finally gives up trying to lure you into an outburst. "Let's fuck."
You snort. "We're not allowed to fuck in common rooms anymore," You remind him.
"So, let's go to my room," He suggests.
This wasn't the plan - but how are you supposed to withdraw from him when he looks at you like that? Maybe he is happy with you. He's been a lot less stressed out and snappy ever since you've been sleeping together - everyone can see that. He seems happy right now, anyway.
"Fine, but you're carrying me," You say, holding out your arms.
Just before he can pick you up, Poppy bursts into the room with a wide smile. "The cookies are done!" She sings, waltzing over with a plate which she places on the coffee table. "Everyone, dig in!"
Natasha's behind her, already chowing down on a cookie. Bucky immediately reaches out and picks up two, handing you one. Hesitantly, you take a small bite. You hate that it tastes amazing.
"Oh, my God," Bucky says with a mouthful of cookie, swallowing before he continues. "Poppy, this tastes exactly like grandma's."
"Ah, I'm so happy to hear that!" She gushes.
"These are incredible," He all but moans, sitting on the arm of the couch next to you. "You sure you shouldn't be a baker, instead? I'd pay good money for these."
"Oh, no," Poppy says bashfully. "I like taking care of you guys too much."
He chuckles at that, while you bitterly eat your cookie.
He wouldn't be happier with her. He wouldn't. He would not be happier with her. He categorically would never be happier with her.
That's the mental mantra you find yourself repeating as you stare at yourself in the mirror. You're not insecure about your looks. You believe him when he says you're the most attractive woman he knows. You know you're great in bed. Your physical strength is one of his biggest turn-ons. Besides your inability to love, you're the full package. But Bucky doesn't want love, anyway. He's never asked for it. That's not what this is. The both of you are traumatised beyond belief, so all you want is a warm body and orgasms; not a fragile emotion that could fall apart at any moment.
"Done checking yourself out?" Grant cuts in dryly as he stands behind you, his arms folded across his chest and an unimpressed look on his face. "I came all the way up here to spar, Bloodhound, not watch you fall in love with your own reflection."
With an eye-roll, you turn to face him. Grant is the only Agent you semi-get along with, and the only one you'd ever spend time outside of work with. He doesn't ask stupid questions, pry into your personal life, or try and suck up to you, which is more than you can say for the rest of the agents.
"Alright, Ward, let's do this," You say, walking over to the boxing ring.
Grant gets a lot more out of these sessions than you - you have to hold back your strength to make sure you don't kill him, while he gets to go as hard as he can to test his own strength and agility. The only reason you agreed to these sessions is because you've learnt that it's good to have a high-up agent in your pocket for when you need information about a mission or target that you wouldn't otherwise be able to get.
The gym's empty when you begin to spar, and slowly fills up with your teammates as the sun rises outside the window. Among the agents, you spot Bucky walk in at some point too, unable to help his wandering eyes from watching you fight. You barely break a sweat while Grant is fighting for his life, before he eventually taps out.
"Alright, alright, I'm done," He says between heavy breaths. "Next time, you can go a little harder."
You snort and raise a brow. "Are you sure about that, Ward? Know what you're getting yourself into?"
He just nods, grabbing his water bottle from the side of the ring and chugging.
"Oh, Y/N! It's great to see you here!"
You can't help but immediately roll your eyes at Poppy's chirpy voice, slowly turning to face her.
"I know you usually train alone, so it is brilliant to see you working with the agents," She goes on to say with a grin, before craning her neck to look behind you. "I hope she didn't go too hard on you, Special Agent Ward!"
"Not at all," Grant replies, wiping his sweaty forehead with a small towel as he stands next to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder. "Bloodhound looks after me very well."
With a grimace, you shove him away from you. "Consider it charity," You tell Poppy.
"Well, it's very kind of you," She says, before her eyes light up. "But if you want a more challenging partner, why don't you spar with Bucky? I know he's been complaining about Steve missing their last few sessions, and he'd likely appreciate training with someone more on his level."
"Good luck with that," Natasha calls out to Poppy with a smirk. "Barnes and Y/N don't train together."
Poppy frowns at Natasha's words. "But why not?" She asks.
"He's scared of me," You throw out as Grant clambers out of the boxing ring.
From the other side of the gym, Bucky snorts. "You fuckin' wish, gunner," He calls back smugly. "I'd have you on your back in seconds."
Ignoring his quick wink, you shoot him a glare. "You'd be knocked out before you even realized what was happening," You fire back.
"Well, why don't we find out?" Poppy asks with a grin. "It'll be good for you both to train with someone at your level so you can really give it your all. Holding back on training will only weaken you."
"Does this really fall into your remit?" You wonder.
"Of course!" She exclaims. "I need to look out for your wellbeing on the field, too!"
The truth is, the reason you and Bucky don't spar - or rather, can't spar - is because he gets far too excited whenever you exhibit your strength against him. You've sparred him exactly once, and when that ended with him jizzing in his pants, you both agreed it would be best to train separately from then on. And that was before you started sleeping together.
"I'll tell you the truth, Poppy, about why they don't spar," Sam inserts as he strolls over with a smirk on his face. "Because they're both too scared to find out who number two is."
"Number two?" Poppy repeats with a confused look.
"You know; Steve is the strongest on the team in terms of human physical strength," Sam explains. "He's beaten both Bucky and Y/N in strength tests before. So, he's number one - and if Bucky and Y/N ever fight, we'd find out who number two is."
"And they're both too scared of the shame they'd feel if they ended up being number three," Natasha adds with a shrug. "It's all very juvenile."
You hold back your smile. It's cute that they think Steve is number one. The only reason he's beaten you in training sessions is because you don't use your full strength against him - he's your Captain, your senior, and you've frustratingly got it stuck in your head that you're to be subordinate to him, and beating him would be disrespectful.
"Alright, fuck it," Bucky states as he makes his way over. "Let's do this, gunner."
You raise a brow as he climbs into the ring, and admittedly your heart flutters. Though you're much better at hiding it, there's no denying you get just as excited as Bucky at the prospect of being manhandled by him.
"This is gonna be good," Sam says with a smirk. "Tasha, get your hundred bucks ready, because Barnes is going down."
Moving closer to Bucky, you lowly warn him, "You better keep your shit together, Serge."
He clenches his jaw as you walk circles around each other. "Go easy on me, baby," He whispers.
Although you know it's best to do as he requests, you can't ignore your competitive streak - especially knowing that Natasha's bet against you. You and Bucky start slow and carefully, but it quickly turns into a brawl.
You've forgotten how much fun it is to use your full strength in a fight when you know your opponent isn't actually trying to kill you. At one point, you slam Bucky onto the ground and straddle him, pinning him down. His eyes darken and you feel his boner poke against your inner thigh.
Bringing your lips to his ear, you whisper, "You're far too easy, Sergeant."
With a huff of frustration, Bucky all but throws you off of him. He's slower and weaker than he can be, too turned on to think straight. His new goal is to pin you down, to take control, in an attempt to drive you as crazy as he feels. You fight back against his attempts, catching on to what he's trying to do.
Meanwhile, Natasha nudges Sam from the sidelines. "Is it just me, or is this incredibly sexually tense, right now?" She mumbles.
Sam just continues watching on with wide eyes.
When Bucky grabs your waist, it immediately gives you flashbacks to all the times he's grabbed it before - and you falter. He takes the opportunity to grab you and throw you down, crashing down onto you and pinning your arms down on either side of your head.
His eyes burn into yours, and suddenly, all you can see is him. The world melts away as his crystal blues hook you in, holding you captive. His boner rubs against you, stealing your breath.
With a new wind of determination, you rip your right hand out of his grip and wrap it around his throat, before pushing up your waist against his and forcing him onto his back, sitting on top of him.
He lets out a grunt and shudders beneath you, to which you grin.
"That was a new record," You mumble. "You lasted a lot longer than usual. I'm proud of you, Sergeant."
"Fuck you," He hisses through gritted teeth.
"Well, we should probably go," Sam calls out awkwardly as he claps his hands together. "I think you owe me a hundred bucks, Romanoff."
"Are you sure?" She asks, tilting her head. "I have no idea what just happened."
"I think I do," Sam grumbles before him and Natasha share a look and leave the gym.
"That was exhilarating to watch!" Poppy exclaims, entirely unaware as to what Bucky just did in his pants. "Bucky, do you want another shoulder massage? You said it really helped after your last training session."
Your eyebrows fly up. He didn't mention a fucking massage to you. And he let her touch his shoulder?
"Uh, no, I'm alright, Pop," He replies. "Think I need a shower more than anything."
Pop? That bastard.
Before he can leave first, you climb out of the ring and speed-walk out of the gym, refusing to be the one left behind.
This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream.
So why aren't you waking up?
You see flashes of their faces. The innocent lives you took without hesitation. The families you destroyed.
And you see the faces of your captors. The doctors who experimented on you, pushed the limits of pain until you forgot what comfort felt like, who turned you into an inhuman weapon. Not only do you see their faces, you feel them. Their fingers, their grip, their pull.
And you see him. Bucky. He looks soft and sweet and everything you know him to be.
But you're hurting him. Chasing him down like one of your victims, watching as his skin is coated with his blood, destroying him. He's screaming. Begging you to stop. Asking you why you're doing this to him.
You sit up in bed with a gasp, breathing heavily. A sheen of sweat sits on your skin. The bed feels cold and empty, and you think you might have a panic attack if you don't get proof that Bucky is safe, so you rush to your feet.
The clock on the wall tells you it's 2am, so you know it's likely that Bucky isn't in his bedroom. He'll be in one of the common rooms, the one with the lava lamps, probably recovering from his own nightmare. You've told him numerous times that you don't mind him waking you up when he needs to, but he says he'd feel too guilty to wake you up in case you're actually having a good night's sleep; a rare occurrence for you both.
You make your way to the common room, making sure to grab a packet of Bucky's favorite cookies from the kitchen on your way. As you get closer to the common room, you can hear his breath, but you stop in your tracks when you hear someone else.
"That's what I do, anyway," Poppy says softly. "That, or a warm glass of milk and counting sheep - my mom's method."
They laugh gently together, and you lean against the wall in the dark corridor so that you can peek through the crack in the door. He looks beautiful, his skin free of any blood, his face free of any pain. He's smiling. He looks at peace. He's safe, so you can rest easy.
But it still kills you that it's not you who he's safe with.
"If you ever need to talk, about anything, I'm always here," Poppy goes on to tell him, making your stomach churn.
Slowly, you back away. Thankfully, it doesn't seem like Bucky heard you at all; a testament to your sneaking skills. Though the feeling of panic and dread isn't quite fully quelled, you at least you know he's okay. Maybe even happy.
And you know you're selfish and a bad person for resenting Poppy for being the one to make him feel that way. It should be you - but you know you can't be that for him. So now you're stuck in a cycle of hating her but also hating yourself and appreciating her for being what you could never be for him.
It's painfully conflicting, so instead of thinking too much about it, you leave the tower, hoping to find some lowlife criminals you can beat up instead of yourself for once.
No matter how many fancy parties Tony throws, you'll never get used to the sight of yourself in a nice dress. You opted for a silky, black number, and you're glad when you see the myriad of colorful outfits that help you blend into the background as you enter the bar. Making a beeline to where Sam and Steve are chatting by the balcony doors, you avoid making eye contact with Tony's annoying business partners.
"Hey, here she is," Sam calls out with a wide grin, holding him arm out. You give him a quick side hug before standing up straight when you face Steve.
"Evening, Captain," You say firmly.
He sighs. "What's it gonna take for you to call me Steve, huh?" He asks, to which you glance down.
"I'm sorry, Captain Rogers," You say sheepishly. "It's built in."
"Maybe you two need to spend more time together so that you can see what a goof this guy really is," Sam suggests with a laugh. "All that respect will drop real quick."
"I'd really like that," Steve says, holding his arm out to you. "C'mon, Y/N, let's get you a drink."
With a nod, you link your arm with his and allow him to lead you to the bar.
"Y'know, I've been meaning to spend more time with you anyway," Steve admits. "With how close you and Bucky are getting, I figure I better make more of an effort."
"Oh, it's not like that between him and I," You assure him.
"No? Could've fooled me," He says teasingly as you reach the bar. "What's your poison?"
"Uh, just a whisky for me, please," You say, feeling entirely odd. It's not like you to engage in casual chit-chat with Steve, let alone get him to order you a drink.
Once the bartender slides your glass over, Steve takes your hand and walks you over to the floor-length windows. "This is killing you, isn't it?" He asks with a chuckle. "Holding your Captain's hand?"
You squeeze your eyes shut, using all your will-power not to pull your hand out of his and give him a salute instead. "I'm fine, Captain Rogers. This is fine," You claim.
"Alright, I'll be nice," He says, dropping your hand with a grin. "Anyway, I don't want to be holding your hand when Buck gets here. He'd probably throw me through this window."
You laugh at that, shaking your head. "I'm sure he wouldn't. He'd be too busy dodging all the women fawning all over him, as per usual," You say with a smile.
"Crazy how that's changed, right?" Steve says with a playful frown. "I used to be the one fighting off the attention, and now he's come in and stolen it all."
"I'm sure you still get plenty of attention," You mumble without meaning to.
"Are you flirting with your Captain?" He asks in a stern voice, making your eyes widen.
You straighten your back and look up at him. "No, Captain Rog-"
"I'm messing with you," He cuts in with a chuckle. "I'm sorry. That was mean." He then takes out a flask from his inner jacket and looks around to make sure no-one's watching, before pouring a splash into your glass. "Asgardian. Consider it a gift."
As much as you didn't think so, Sam seems to have been right, and the more time you spend chatting with Steve, the more comfortable you feel around him.
"Alright, as much as I'm enjoying this, I should go speak to some of Tony's partners," He says reluctantly. "Save me a dance later, yeah?"
"Will do, Capt- Steve," You say, smiling when his face lights up.
He puts a hand on his heart as he walks backwards. "We did it!" He cheers, before leaving you alone.
You turn towards the bar in search of another drink when you almost bump into Poppy, who looks equally as surprised to see you.
"Oh, hello!" She greets you cheerily, before looking you up and down with wide eyes. "You look absolutely gorgeous!"
"Oh, uh, thanks," You reply curtly, taking in her lilac dress. "You look nice, too."
"You're too kind," She says with a grin. "Hey, I've been meaning to speak with you a little more, one-on-one. I feel like I don't give you as much of my time as I do the others."
"That's not a problem," You assure her quickly. "I don't need therapy, or anything like that."
"Well, that's not all I offer!" She claims. "I'm here to help you meet whatever needs you feel aren't being met. That could be anything and everything."
"Right," You mumble. "My needs are being met, Newton, so I don't need you."
She looks disheartened at your words, but you don't care. "Um... how are you and Bucky doing?" She questions you carefully.
"What?" You ask, getting more irritated by the second. "Bucky and I are nothing, so you don't need to keep asking."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," She says, taking your words to mean that you've ended it between yourselves.
And then you get an idea: if she thinks you and Bucky are over, she'll stop pestering you about it every week.
"Well, it was only ever sex between us, so it's not a big deal," You say casually. "I'll find someone else to screw."
"Right," She utters.
"So, like, what's wrong with you?" You can't help but ask, the Asgardian ale loosening your tongue.
"What? What do you mean?" Poppy asks you with wide eyes.
"I mean, what's your deal?" You question. "You're just always happy, and upbeat, and seeing the brighter side. What's up with that?"
She looks taken aback by your words. "Oh. I guess... I just like being happy? There's far too much sadness and gloom in the world as it is, so why add to that? I just want to make sure everyone's comfortable to be themselves, and remind them that there is so much beauty and joy to be experienced if you just let it reach you."
Taking in her words, you nod slowly, and realize exactly how different you really are to her. Where you see failure, she sees opportunity. Where you see disappointment, she sees a second chance. Even now, with you being cold and closed off, she's still trying with you. She hasn't rolled her eyes or gotten annoyed at how stand-offish you are. She listens and engages and, even though she never could, she does her best to understand.
She's the complete opposite of you.
Suddenly, you get that sixth-sense feeling. You smell his aftershave as he approaches the room, combined with the perfume he only wears on special occasions. Your stomach flips. You're facing the doorway before he even appears in it, and it's like the whole room quietens down by twenty decibels when he walks in. Everyone turns to look at him, just as you look away, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing you're anticipating him. Instead, you look at Poppy, and you instantly recognize the look on her face.
Her eyebrows are raised slightly, her lips parting. Her eyes are locked onto him as if he's the only thing she sees.
And you can't blame her for feeling that way. You'd be a hypocrite if you judged her at all.
She starts fidgeting, looking down at her dress and smoothing down any creases, tucking her hair behind her ear and taking in a deep breath. Almost as if she's preparing for him to-
"Hi."
Your breath hitches in your throat. With your focus solely on Poppy, you didn't sense Bucky getting closer. You turn to him, his all-black suit destroying any sense you had left in your head, and just stare at him dumbly. He's looking back at you, warmth in his eyes.
"Hi, Bucky," Poppy replies nervously.
You look back at her. She's good. She would be good for him. Better than you could ever dream of being for him.
So you pat his shoulder and give him a nod as if he's nothing more than a colleague to you, and walk away, leaving them to it.
It feels like you're being torn apart as you hear them talk, so you speed to the balcony, focusing your heightened hearing on the wind, instead. Regretfully, you take a look back just as the French doors shut behind you, only to see Bucky laughing at something she said. It's his genuine laugh; the one where his eyes light up and his eyebrows fly up in delight.
She'd be good for him. For his mental health. How could you come in the way of that? If you truly care about him, how could you stand in the way of his health and happiness? He'd probably lose the abs from all the baked goods, but he'd be happy. How could you stop that?
"Hey," A voice calls out from behind you.
You turn to see Wanda who has a knowing look on her face. "Get out of my head, Maximoff," You utter sternly.
"I couldn't help it. You looked so... sad," She says, walking over to where you're standing by the railings and looking out at the city.
"That's none of your business," You say with a bitter tone. You're angry that she's read your mind, but a part of you is slightly relieved to know it isn't just your secret anymore.
"He really, really cares about you," She claims. "It's very obvious."
"That doesn't matter," You reply, tightening your grip on the railings. "He could be in love with me, for all I care. It doesn't change the facts."
"And what facts are those?" She pushes.
"That I'm bad for him," You reveal. "I'm... I'm just a walking reminder of everything he went through. At the start, it was nice to have someone who truly understood what we went through, who could genuinely relate. But now... he's come so far, and all I do is drag him back to the past. I can't keep doing that to him. It's selfish."
"Is that how you feel?" Wanda asks you. "That Bucky just reminds you of your past? Does speaking to him, being around him, take you back to your days at Oscorp?"
"No," You answer instantly. "Never. Even when he talks about HYDRA, all I can think about is how... angry I am at them for hurting him. How much I want to make him feel better."
"So why do you believe it's any different for him?" She questions with a quirked brow.
You let out a long sigh, staring up at the sky. Barely any stars are visible thanks to all the light pollution, but the moon's still shining. "He still has a chance. There's still light and love in him; I can see it. It comes out around... people like her. She brings out the best in him. Makes him smile and laugh, and bakes fucking cookies with him. I can't do that. Her magic doesn't work on me. I'm too far gone," You tell her, the Asgardian alcohol allowing you to open up in ways you wouldn't usually dream of. "I could never be like that. In fact, I'm so unlike her that I resent her for how happy she is. How positive her outlook on life is. I'm... jealous and I wonder why the fuck she gets to be like that. Why didn't she have to go through what I went through? Why does she get to live her life in a bubble? Why does she get to be happy and patient and kind? I hate her for something that she can't control, and convince myself that it's fine for me to treat her like shit because nothing I do to her will ever even come close to they did to me. It's like I'm... punishing her. Which makes me a bad person, with a rotten soul. And proves that Bucky deserves better."
"I think you'd be surprised at how wrong you are," Wanda says simply, before squeezing your shoulder and leaving you alone again.
After a few more minutes of listening to the traffic below, you decide to head back into the party. It's warmer inside, though seeing that Bucky is still talking to Poppy sends a cold shiver down your spine.
"I was wondering where you were," Steve says as you approach him and Natasha in the middle of the room.
"Just needed some fresh air," You tell them casually.
"I'm gonna head to the bar; I think Bruce is trying to play bartender again," Natasha says with a grimace before she walks away.
Steve gives you an expectant look. "Come to give me that dance you promised?" He asks.
"Sure, Steve," You say, still feeling incredibly weird using his first name.
"That's it; you're learning," He teases before taking your hand and leading you to the makeshift dance floor.
You dance to the slow rock song for a short while without speaking, your mind racing with a hundred thoughts. Would you be able to watch Bucky with her? It would probably kill you to see them kiss. You'd need to move out of the tower, and maybe even leave the Avengers as a whole.
"What's on your mind?" Steve asks, interrupting your overthinking.
"I don't know," You answer dumbly.
"Is everything okay?" He questions with concern on his face. "You and Bucky all good?"
A dry laugh leaves your mouth. "I don't know," You repeat.
"What did he do?" Steve utters, looking around the room in search of his idiot best friend.
"Absolutely nothing," You assure him. "Bucky is... perfect."
A warm smile takes over and he leans in closer. "I have it on good authority that he feels the same about you," He whispers.
Your chest tightens but you keep the pain off your face. Instead of responding, you rest your head against his shoulder. It does feel nice, being friends with Steve and not having to be on edge around him just because of his status in the army all those years ago.
Once again, you feel it - that sixth sense. Bucky's approaching. You remain as you are, hoping he's just walking past, not sure you're able to handle a conversation with him right now.
"Uh-oh. I'm about to be thrown through a window," Steve mutters, to which you snort.
"You could take him any day," You say, purposely loud enough for the brunet to hear as he reaches you.
"Is that really how you feel?" Bucky asks from behind you. You lift your head off of Steve and turn to face him, everything inside you stilling as you see the small smile on his face. All you want is to melt into him.
"I mean, I've never seen you pull down a helicopter, Sergeant," You say teasingly, to which Steve chuckles.
Bucky's smile gets a fraction bigger, before he gives Steve a nod that says, alright, your time's up, leave us alone. And Steve, knowing his friend well, bids you both farewell before doing exactly that.
"You're avoiding me," Bucky says bluntly once Steve is out of earshot.
With a sigh, you place your hands on his shoulders. "Let's dance," You say, not giving him a choice as you start swaying to the beat.
His hands find your waist and he pulls you closer. "I don't dance," He utters bluntly.
"Neither do I," You return.
"Why did you tell Poppy we broke up?" He questions you with a frown.
"Broke up?" You repeat with a confused look.
"You know what I mean," He says with an eye-roll. "You told her you're not screwing me anymore."
"Just wanted to get her off my back about it," You answer casually.
He purses his lips and nods slowly. "But I... you are still screwing me, right?"
A breathy laugh leaves your mouth, but then you falter, and don't reply.
Bucky stops in his tracks. "Okay. You're scaring me now," He says lowly.
"Let's go talk about this outside," You say, taking his hand.
"What? No," He replies stubbornly, planting his feet on the ground. "Tell me what's going on, right now."
You look around the dance floor at all the other guests before looking back up at him. "I don't think this is the best place to-"
"I don't care," He cuts you off, his brows furrowed. You can hear that his heartbeat has quickened. "Just talk to me. What is going on?"
You run a hand through your hair and let out a sigh. "I just... I've been thinking lately, and..." You trail off, hoping he'll jump in and say something, but he just looks at you expectantly. "Bucky. I don't think we should do this anymore."
His hands fall from your waist. "You can't do that," He mumbles. "You can't just do that to me, gunner."
"It's for the best," You claim, feeling like your insides are being ripped apart.
"What the fuck does that mean?" He asks, getting the attention of a few people around you.
With a wince, you shake your head before running away, like a coward. He chases you out, obviously, grabbing your arm just as you press the elevator button.
"You have to explain yourself," He says, his eyes filled with rage and pain. "You can't just... you don't get to just drop me like I'm nothing and leave me to find out from the fucking Wellbeing chick."
"And? You're just gonna give me up without a fight?" Bucky asks you incredulously. "As if I'd ever just step to the side cause some other guy had a crush on you? You're not gonna tell her to fuck off, and that I'm yours? I mean, this is Poppy we're talking about; who the fuck is she compared to you?"
You hear a short gasp and turn your head to see none other than Poppy standing at the entrance, her eyes wide. Fuck.
Bucky glances over at her, but he's too mad to even acknowledge her presence. "C'mon, let's go upstairs and talk about this," He says as the elevator arrives and opens up, and pulls you into it before pressing the button for your floor.
The doors slowly shut just as you see Poppy wiping away a stray tear. And for the first time since you were a child, you feel bad for someone.
"That wasn't nice, Buck," You say lowly, surprising yourself with your empathy.
"I'm not a nice man," He says bluntly.
"Yes, you are!" You claim, turning to face him. "You can be. If you're with someone like her."
He gives you an incredulous look. "Is that seriously what you think?" He asks, offence in his tone. "What, you think she can fix me?"
"You don't need fixing," You retort. "But she can make you happy."
"You make me happy," He shoots back at you.
"I'm just a warm body; I can't help you feel better," You say, feeling sick to your stomach.
"What are you talking about?" Bucky asks as the elevator comes to a stop.
The doors open up and you step out, with him hot on your trail as you walk towards your room. "I'm like you, Bucky. Exactly like you. Too much like you," You say as you reach your door. "I just... I don't want to bring you down. Remind you of all the... all the shit we went through. We fuck, and it's great, but I can't... I can't bake fucking cookies with you. I can't go on dates to Coney Island. I can't wear dresses like this every night and... I can't marry you or have kids. I'm nothing like her. Maybe... maybe if I wasn't taken by Osborn and turned into a weapon, I'd be more like her. But I was. And you deserve to feel normal and safe. And to go on cutesy fucking dates and eat homemade brownies and... she'd be so good for you, Bucky. And if not her, then someone like her."
"So, you'd be happy with someone more like her, too?" He asks you. "Someone more normal?"
"No, and that's the point!" You exclaim, entering your room. "She asks me to do pottery painting and I'd rather smash the clay over her head. She wants to go on fucking nature walks and play board games and I'm too bitter and resentful to play along. It's like I... I don't want to be happy. I'm fine the way I am. But you're... I see the way you laugh with her. I can imagine it. Maybe not her specifically, but someone you could have a picket-fence life with. A healthy relationship that fulfills you in every way, not just sexually."
He doesn't say anything, processing your words as he follows you into your room. You collapse onto your bed with a heavy sigh, lying back and staring at the ceiling. He shuts the door with a soft click before pulling off his jacket and tossing it onto your drawers. For a short while, neither of you speak.
"I don't even know where to start," He mutters, taking a seat at your desk. "I... I had no idea you felt like that. As if you've been doing anything but bringing me peace."
You let out a dry scoff. "Buck, I cry to you almost every Saturday night about all the fucked up shit I've been through," You remind him. "I dump my trauma onto you as if you don't have more than enough of your own. That can't be healthy."
He stands back up and sits on the opposite site of your bed, lying down so his head is next to yours. "Remember that first time you opened up to me, all those months ago? When you first had Thor's beer and were drunk for the first time since you were a teenager, and all you could do was cry?" He asks you, making you cringe.
"All too well," You whisper.
"And I kept you in my room because I knew you wouldn't have wanted everyone to see you like that. And the next morning, I thought you'd just leave, but you stayed. And you talked to me. Opened up to me about your feelings and your triggers and... fuck, you were hugging my arm so tight, and..." He shakes his head, letting out a short sigh. "That was the first time in a long, long time that I felt like I could help someone. The fact that you felt comfortable enough around me to speak about your deepest wounds... Letting me hold you while you cried, like I wasn't a monster. Like I could be someone that protected you."
"You were that person," You mumble. "You are."
"And since that day, I've never stopped wanting to be that for you," Bucky tells you, turning his head to face you. "That's how you make me feel. When you trust me with your secrets and let me carry the burden of your past, I feel more human than ever. This isn't just sex to me, my girl. You mean so much more than that."
You turn your body to face him and rest your hand on his chest, feeling each of his breaths with a rise and fall. "I'm not the kind of girl you can take bowling, and I'd rather die than kiss you in public," You point out. "I'm not gonna be your Valentine, or celebrate anniversaries. I'm-"
"I'm not asking for anything to change between us," He cuts in, placing his hand on top of yours. "I'm just telling you that... you're it for me. This is it for me. I don't need anyone else or any other kind of woman. As long as you want me, I'm yours. You fit me, more than anyone ever has and ever could."
You lean forward so your noses touch. "I... I'm not going to say this often, Barnes, so take it in while you can," You pre-warn him. "I love you."
A grin spills out on his lips. He doesn't try to hide it. "I love you, my girl," He whispers back. "We're all we need."
You smile back at him.
"I didn't get the chance to tell you how incredible you look tonight," Bucky says softly. "When I walked in, all I could see was you. It's like that every time I walk into a room. Even when you're not there, I look for you. Just... wanna be wherever you are."
"I, uh, have this weird thing," You begin with a laugh. "You know how we can tell when someone's about to walk in? We hear the specific weight of their footsteps, or smell their perfume, or whatever? Well, with you, it's like... I know it's you before I even hear your footsteps. And not just because I recognize your aftershave. I just... feel you. And it puts me at ease, knowing you're nearby. I'm not exactly a damsel in distress, but I feel safer when you're with me. I've never depended on someone like that. Even though it terrified me at first, I've grown to appreciate it."
Bucky's eyes flutter shut as his grin stays up. "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that," He says, turning his body to face you and cupping your cheeks in his hands. "And I know it's hard for you to drop your guard. I'll never do anything to make you regret it."
"I know," You mumble, before laughing. "You look weird upside-down."
"I was just thinking whether I'd be able to kiss you in this position," Bucky admits with a chuckle.
You lean forward and shuffle down so your lips are level with his. Slowly, you close the gap between you, and though it's slightly odd at first to be kissing his mouth upside-down, you quickly get the hang of the tongue logistics.
"As much as I love you in it," He begins saying between kisses. "How about we get you out of this dress?"
You grin into the kiss, tugging on his hair. "I thought you'd never ask, Sergeant."
a/n: eek so this has been in my drafts for a good few months. been a concept i've wanted to write for soooo long. reminds me a little of one of my first ever (potentially my first ever) bucky fic, silent girl and the winter soldier. hope you enjoyed <3
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
A depraved group of wealthy individuals own the penthouse in which you live, as well as the rights to your body. You're their very own shared mistress, and practically a human sex doll for when they need a break from their jobs and families.
When Bucky sees a message on your phone and realizes you've been breaking a very important rule behind his back, he isn't happy.
You glide through the pool, allowing the cool water to calm you as it hits your skin. Once you get to the middle of the pool, you stop and turn onto your back before letting your eyes flutter shut. For a single moment, you can forget you exist, and just float there. Weightless, free.
When you hear the sound of a camera snapping, you're dragged back into reality. Your eyes shoot open and you look to the left of the pool to see Bucky standing there, holding his phone. His cheeks are reddened and there's a look of slight regret in his eyes. "Shit. I didn't realize it was on loud. Sorry, nymph, carry on," He calls out, his voice echoing across the room.
"How long have you been there?" You ask him, swimming to the edge.
He smiles and crouches down to be closer to you. "A while," Is his simple, unhelpful answer.
You rest your arms on the edge, blinking up at him. "This is nice. I'm glad you brought me," You admit.
"Of course," Bucky says without hesitation, though you aren't 100% sure if he only asked you to join him on this trip because his wife already said no. It's not exactly Bali, but the small resort is a pleasant break from the city. Somewhere between business and pleasure, Bucky had a conference in Florida, and decided to extend the trip so he could take a short vacation. It isn't often that he takes you out in public in the States for fear that he'd be recognized, but a place as remote and far-removed from society as this is safe away from the prying eyes of the press.
"You hungry?" You ask him while you begin to climb out the pool.
Helping you up, he shrugs with a sly look on his face. "I'm craving something in particular," He says coyly, wrapping his arms around you once you're standing up. "You ready to head back up to the room?"
The look in his eyes tells you he's really hoping you say yes, and so you do. The two of you return to the suite, where you have a quick shower you refuse to let Bucky join you in.
"I need my alone time," You insist as you peel off your swimsuit. "And I'm going to exfoliate. You don't want to be there for that."
You almost regret banning him from the bathroom when you see the look on his face, but when you come back out after your shower to see the bed covered in petals and Bucky lying on top of it wearing nothing but a box of chocolate which is doing nothing to hide his dick, you're glad you did.
"James," You gasp, placing your hand on your damp chest.
"Hey, nymph," He greets you with a smirk.
"How long have you been lying there?" You wonder curiously, stepping closer to the bed.
"Don't worry about that," He says quickly, before gently thrusting his hips upwards. "Care for some candy?"
With a grin, you kneel onto the bed and crawl closer to him. You open up the box before taking out a small spherical chocolate, meeting his eyes as you take a bite. Bucky sits up and takes hold of your towel, slowly pulling it off to reveal your body. He drinks in the view before meeting your eyes. You place the rest of the chocolate in his mouth, watching as he chews and swallows.
"Was that what you were craving?" You ask him teasingly as you gradually begin to straddle him with your legs on either side of his waist.
His eyes light up and he shakes his head.
"No?" You ask, tilting your head with a pout. "What else could you possibly be after, Mr. Barnes?"
As you start to climb further up his body, Bucky lays back down, his chest rising and falling a little quicker. "Baby..." He trails off weakly.
"What is it?" You whisper as your throbbing pussy brushes against his pecs. "Tell me what you want."
"Sit on my face," Bucky requests lowly, bringing his hands up to your ass.
You can't tease him any longer, and within seconds you're doing as he said. His mouth instantly latches onto you, his tongue flicking against your clit.
"Oh, fuck," You cry out, throwing your head back. "Just like that, Jamie."
Just as he gets into a rhythm, your phone lets out a ding on the bedside table. Bucky growls, pulling away from your pussy. "That fucker's been texting you all day," He grumbles.
"Ari?" You throw out, immediately regretting it when you see the look on Bucky's face.
He throws you onto the bed on your front before mounting you, pinning you down and bringing his lips to your ear. "I don't mind what you do in your spare time, but here, with me, you're mine," He utters, bringing his cock to your soaked entrance. "You don't talk to him. You don't say his name. You do not even think about him when you're with me. Do you understand?"
"Yes, daddy," You cry out as he sinks into you, filling you up.
He gives you no time to adjust to his intrusion before he starts fucking you hard, making you moan with every thrust. It's rougher than he usually is, and his possessiveness only makes your heart flutter.
"You belong to me," Bucky grunts, snapping his hips against yours. "Every fucking part of you belongs to me. Say it."
"I belong to you, daddy," You repeat obediently with your head turned to the side. "I don't care about anyone else. Just you."
"That's my girl," He says before pulling out and flipping you onto your back. Linking his hands with each of yours, he keeps your arms pinned above your head as he settles between your legs and pushes back into you again. He fucks you slower this time, but still just as hard.
His face falls forward into your neck, while your eyes roll back. "So good, daddy," You mutter weakly.
"You're mine," Bucky whispers before pressing a soft kiss against your neck, repeating the mantra with every thrust. "Mine. All mine. Always."
You do your best not to take his words seriously - he's a married man for crying out loud - but it's so hard when he's looking at you like that and fucking you like this. Even if he wasn't married, he couldn't be linked to someone like you in public. A nobody. Even worse for his image, a sex worker. You and him could never be together, not really, except for in hotel suites and the penthouse.
But when he looks at you the way he is, his blue eyes burning into yours, his fingers interlocked with yours, your bodies connected in the most beautiful way - you can't help but want more.
But that isn't allowed.
You're not to be seen in public with him. Even if you were to accidentally be in the same place, he'd act like he didn't know you. That hasn't happened yet, but you're dreading the day it does. The day you see each other at the same restaurant, him with his wife and you with a friend, and he just walks by you like you're nothing to him. You're not sure you could survive that.
"You're so beautiful," His whispered promise pulls you from your thoughts. "You're my beautiful girl. Aren't you?"
You nod, accepting his soft kiss. His cock continues to tunnel in and out of you, making every inch of your skin burn.
"That's right. All mine," He groans. "Are you gonna cum for me?"
Your stomach flips and you wrap your legs around his waist, your pussy clenching. "I'm so close, daddy," You hiss as your back arches up off the bed.
"That's it, baby, just like that," Bucky utters, letting go of one of your hands to cup your face. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that?"
You say nothing, digging your nails into his shoulder.
"You are," He insists, resting his forehead against yours. "You're my beautiful, beautiful baby. I... fuck, nymph, I'm gonna cum."
"Cum inside me," You beg him as your heart races. "Please, daddy."
"I'm all yours," He promises you, before moving his hand to your heat and rubbing your clit. "Go ahead, baby, show me how good I make you feel."
Your legs tense up as you feel your orgasm wash over you. Your nails sink deeper into his skin, your body shuddering beneath him. Bucky groans as he feels you reach your end, his thrusts getting sloppier as he cums inside you, growling your name.
"Jamie," You cry, making his jaw clench as he spills his seed into you.
"Fuck," He hisses, resting his body against yours as he keeps you pinned beneath him, as if he's afraid you'll leave if he doesn't keep you in place.
You lay like that for a few minutes, both of you catching your breaths. Eventually, he turns to lay on his back next to you. Turning your head to face him, you lean closer and place a gentle kiss to his bicep. A short breath leaves his nose and he smiles with his eyes closed.
Sitting up next to him, you look down at him, taking in his perfect body. His right shoulder stabbed with your claw-marks, skin glistening with a sheen of sweat. He opens his pretty eyes and looks up at you while stroking your arm with his fingers.
"Enjoying the view?" He asks lowly.
"Absolutely," You respond with a small smile. "I like this part."
"This part?" He repeats as his brows furrow together.
"After it all," You expand, hugging your legs to your chest. "There's a special kind of quiet. A nice one."
"I think the word you're looking for is peace," He says, trailing his fingers up and down your calf.
"Yeah," You whisper. "It's nice. I... I wish it could..."
He swallows thickly, knowing what you want to say without you having to say it. Knowing it all too well because it's what he wants, too.
"C'mere, nymph," He says, tapping your leg.
You lay back down and rest your head beside his, placing your hand on his chest. His steady heartbeat calms you.
"You're my girl," Bucky whispers, stroking your hair. "You'll always be my girl."
Clinging to him, you pray that he's telling the truth. Even if it's foolish to think so.
Eventually, you get off the bed, as much as you'd like to lay with him forever. "I'm going to that vending machine downstairs," You tell him. "I need more of those chips."
While you clean yourself up in the bathroom, Bucky pulls a pair of boxers on and sits on the edge of your bed. Your phone buzzes with another text and he sighs, before glancing at the closed bathroom door.
He can't help himself. He lifts up your phone and unlocks it to see it's already on your text conversation with Ari, and he's not happy with what he reads.
Ari
fuck, you look hot.
You
thank you daddy <3
Bucky sees red. His jaw clenches and he feels a raging fire burn within his core.
"Everything alright?" Your voice pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up to see you in one of his button-up shirts. Refusing to let you off so easily, even though all he wants to do is tell you how sexy you look, he stands his ground and gets up, glaring.
"You broke a rule," He utters simply.
Your heart skips a beat but you remain calm. Glancing down at the bed, you can see your unlocked phone is open on your texts. Fuck. With a casual shrug, you raise a brow. "I'm not allowed to talk to Ari now?" You ask flippantly.
"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Bucky states sternly, and you can tell his patience is wearing thin.
It isn't the first time you've seen him angry. There have been plenty of times when Bucky has ranted to you about work, or his wife, or one of the other owners. But you? He's never been angry at you before. You're terrified with no idea of how to navigate this situation.
"You know you're not allowed to call anyone else that," He goes on to say, making your stomach flip.
Fuck. Why did you ever tell him your password?
"It- it's nothing," You say, deciding to stick with the casual tone. "It's not that deep."
"Not that deep?" He repeats incredulously. "It's the one thing I asked you not to do."
"It's just a nickname," You insist. "I don't mean it the same way I mean it for you."
"Does he know that?" Bucky asks, his eye twitching as he thinks about you calling Ari daddy. That fucking bastard.
"Who cares?" You ask, getting irritated. "I can call him whatever I want. It's what he wants, what he likes."
"I think you're forgetting who's in control here," Bucky snarls, making your blood run cold.
"No," You counter firmly, narrowing your eyes at him. "I'm in control. That's why we did this; that's what you told me three years ago. Or was that a lie? All that shit about empowering me, that was just fucking bullshit to keep me happy?"
His eyes soften as he takes in your words. He's done the one thing he promised to never do - make you feel as though you weren't in control of your own body. "Y/N-"
"Fuck you," You spit, putting on a pair of shorts and shoes and grabbing your phone. "I'm leaving."
"We're in Florida," He points out while you pick up his keys before following you out of the room.
"I don't care," You say stubbornly, walking over to the car park. "I'm taking your car. You can get an Uber back."
"To New York?" He asks with a scoff, watching you rush over to his BMW.
"You can afford it!" You yell bitterly, opening the door.
"Y/N, don't you dare get in that car," He booms with furrowed brows.
You stop, staring up at him over the door with a blank look on your face. "Watch me," You utter simply before getting in, slamming the door shut behind you, starting the car, and driving up the road.
He stands and watches, and you keep looking back at him in the rear view mirror. You get halfway up the road before you stop and pull over with a heavy sigh, unable to go any further.
It takes him a few minutes to reach the car. When he does, he opens the passenger door and gets in without a word.
For a second, you put your pride to the side and say, "Ari's not my favorite. You are. You know that."
After a few moments of silence, once its clear he isn't going to reply, you put the penthouse address into the GPS and start to drive again.
For an hour, you both go without saying a word. A heavy tension sits in the car with you, but neither of you addresses it. There are a few times you make a risky turn or go too far above the speed limit and you know it's killing Bucky not to say anything, but he just sucks in a sharp breath whenever you do something reckless.
When you see a diner on the side of the road, you immediately realize how hungry you are. Unable to go another two hours without food, you start pulling over.
"You hungry?" You ask him, parking up and turning the engine off.
Suddenly, Bucky turns his body towards you, takes your hand in his, and leans closer.
"I love you."
The words leave his mouth in a rushed fumble. Shocked, you part your lips but are unable to respond immediately. A few beats of silence pass before you can reply. "That's not allowed," Is the pathetic response your mouth spews out.
"I know," He utters lowly. "I know it isn't."
"So, what am I supposed to do with that, now?" You ask, closing your eyes, feeling an inexplicable rage bubbling up. How dare he just spring that on you like that? Sure, it's not the first time either of you have said the L word, but never as seriously as he just did. When he doesn't reply, you turn to look at him. "What the fuck do I do with that, Bucky?"
"I don't know," He sighs, resting his head back against the seat.
He's looking down at his lap, his brows furrowed together. His breaths have gotten a little heavier. His jaw clenches and he drops your hand.
"Baby," You mumble softly, turning your body to face him and placing your hand on his knee. "It's alright. I'm here."
Bucky swallows thickly, putting his hand on top of yours.
"You've got me," You promise, leaning closer. "I... I'm yours. And... you know. You know, James."
He looks up to meet your eyes, his gaze burning into yours. "Do I?" He asks with a whisper.
Your fingers tighten around his hand. "I'm your girl," You say.
"What does that mean?" He questions you.
You suck in a breath as your vision blurs. "It means I'm your girl, Jamie," You say stubbornly, terrified and not sure why.
"Just mine?" He whispers.
"Fuck, are you just mine?" You throw back at him as tears run down your face. "Why are you being weird? Why are you making this weird?"
"I just need to know," Bucky tells you.
"No, you don't!" You shoot back, furiously wiping away your tears. "We were fine, Bucky. It was fine. We didn't talk about it, we just ignored it, and it was fine."
"It didn't feel fine," He retorts. "It doesn't. It doesn't feel fine when I have to leave you there alone, when I have to go home, when I can't come and see you when I want to. When I need to."
"We pretend that it does, that's what makes this sustainable," You tell him. "That's the thing with mistresses, Buck, there's always a hometime. You think I feel fine when you leave? You think I don't lie there fucking crying 'cause I miss you so bad, knowing you've gone back to her? That you're sleeping next to her? At least that's what I fucking hope is all you're doing with her."
A pained look takes over his face and he shakes his head. "That isn't fine," He mutters gravely. "That's not what this was supposed to be. We were... it wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know!" You exclaim. "That's why I pretend it isn't, Bucky. That's why I fuck the others, and it's why I talk to Ari, because I'm not allowed to just be yours. I can't be yours, Jamie." You sit back in your chair, sinking down as you deflate. "I'm just a... Bucky, I'm literally just an overpaid whore. I'm just something for you to lust after. You already have a person you've vowed to love forever, so there's no space for anyone else. Maybe if we met eight years ago, it would've been different. Well, I'm no smart scientist like her, but maybe my charm and wit would've been enough to win you over. It would've been different."
A silence sits between you. You watch as the traffic moves in front of you, the odd cars exiting and entering the car park. Patrons walking in and out, most of them alone.
"So, what now?" You ask once the silence is too loud to handle for any longer.
"I... I'm not gonna stop being in love with you, nymph. I can't," He says, and it makes your stomach flip.
A shaky breath leaves your mouth. "Then, you're an idiot," You say curtly. "I mean, who catches feelings for a hooker? You know how pathetic that is? To actually think it's more than just paid sex?"
"Don't fucking do that," He grumbles, glaring at you.
"You're an idiot!" You repeat. "You fell in love with a fucking sex toy. Who does that?"
"Will you shut the fuck up?" He spits, rage in his eyes. "Stop talking about yourself like that. Like you're not a person. Like you're not real. You're more than just your body."
"Oh, spare me the feminist bullshit," You say bitterly. "You put me up in a fancy penthouse, pay for me to get my nails done, and send other men to come and use me. I'm just your... employee. Not even just yours. I'm Ari's, Steve's, Sam's... all of them. I get fucked by someone else every week. For a price. Not cheap, by any means, but it's still a price. They use me and leave, and then I go shopping. And once a month, it's you. Just once a month, I'm yours for a night, two if I'm lucky. You fuck me. And then Monday comes and I'm fucking Thor. Isn't that romantic?"
"I know what you're trying to do," Bucky says flatly. "You can't stop me from loving you."
"I'm a whore," You remind him coldly.
"You're the woman I love," He counters.
"And you're a fucking idiot for that," You snap.
"I don't care," He utters. "I love you."
"I'm a human sex doll," You say blankly, staring out the windscreen.
"I love you," He repeats.
"I'm just your mistress, Barnes, you can replace me in a heartbeat," You point out, before sighing. "Maybe it's time to go home. To your wife." With that, you open the car door. "I can get an Uber from here."
"You're not going anywhere," He says, grabbing your arm when you start to leave.
You pull out of his grip and storm out of the car, slamming the door shut behind you. Bucky rushes out too, following you towards the diner.
"I'll sit inside and wait for my Uber. Don't worry, I'll be safe," You tell him flatly as you use your phone to call an Uber. "He's eight minutes away."
"Fuck that," He yells. "Get back in the car."
"No!" You shout back at him. "We're done, Bucky. It's over."
He falters, stopping in his tracks. "What does that mean?" He asks you.
You turn back to him, shaking your head. "It's fucked. It's all... it's done. I'm done. No more penthouse. No more sex. No more."
"Why?" He calls out, taking a few steps closer to you. "Because I love you?"
"Yes!" You all but scream. "Exactly that, Bucky, nail on the fucking head!"
"So, you don't love me back?" He shoots at you.
"That's not the point!" You say, feeling your legs tremor beneath you. "You're a married man - you're a public figure. You have a reputation to uphold. I don't give a fuck if people know about what I do for a living, but you'll lose everything."
"I don't have to," Bucky tells you. "I can cut the others off. Keep the penthouse for just us two."
You scoff. "We've been through this before, Bucky. I'm not depending on you for financial stability," You say stubbornly.
"You've got more than enough saved up to live off of without me," He points you. "It wouldn't be about the money."
"And, what? We have a secret relationship?" You ask him with narrow eyes. "We love each other in private, and you stay married? Fuck. That! I'm not doing that!"
"I can't lose you," Bucky says, shaking his head as panic fills his eyes. "I can't, because I love you."
"Then stop loving me!" You cry.
"I can't!" He retorts.
You stare at each other, both breathing heavily, both at a loss for words.
You cover your face with your hands and, under your breath, mumble, "What the fuck is happening?"
Bucky walks over to you and gently takes your hands away from your face. He then places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer to him, sending a shiver down your spine.
Without wasting another second, he leans in and marries his lips to yours. The kiss is short but sweet, and makes all your irritation dissipate. When he pulls away, he cups your cheeks in his hands. The look in his eyes seems different than usual - as though it's the first time he's really looking at you.
"Jamie?" You begin, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, baby?" He whispers back.
"I don't... I don't wanna do it anymore," You say sheepishly. "With the others. I wanna stop."
He nods. "Of course. Whatever you want," He promises.
"And... I don't know..." You trail off, shaking your head. "I don't know what to do after that."
"That's okay. We don't need to know right now," Bucky says softly. "We'll take it one step at a time. I'll talk to the others tonight. And when you're ready to decide what... what happens between us, I'll be waiting for you. And I'll do whatever you need me to do."
Although all you want is to ask him to come back to the penthouse with you and spend the night, you know that isn't the right thing to do. So you nod, looking up at him and resting your hands on his chest. "I'm really scared," You admit.
"You have nothing to be afraid of, my girl," Bucky assures you, bringing one of his hands up to your face. "There's no rush. No pressure. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, I don't care how long I'm waiting for. I'll keep waiting. And the day you tell me what you want, I'll give that to you without hesitation. Whether it's me that you want, or... a fresh start, somewhere else. I'll give you whatever you need."
"Okay," You whisper, nodding. "Thank you, Jamie. I... I think my Uber's here, though, and I want to go home alone. I think that would be best." And lessen the chance of you asking him to come up with you.
He swallows thickly but nods, as much as he doesn't want to. "Okay," He accepts.
"I'm going to go into the diner and wait for my ride," You tell him. "And you're going to drive home."
Bucky winces, his jaw clenching for a second as he looks down.
"Is that okay?" You ask him.
"Go inside and call the Uber, and when it gets here, I'll drive behind you," He counters. "I won't get out the car. I won't even park up. I just want to make sure you get home safe."
Knowing that's the best deal you'll get from him, you give in. "Alright. I'm... I'm gonna go inside, then," You tell him, taking a step back.
Bucky looks back up, watching as you turn your back on him and make your way towards the diner. "Baby, wait."
You freeze in your tracks. Slowly, you turn back around to see him walking over to you. When he's in touching distance, he grabs you and pulls you into him before crashing his lips onto yours. You immediately melt into the kiss, allowing the comfort to wash over you.
When he pulls back, Bucky cups your face in his hands. "I just... before you go, I... I need to know, baby," He pleads.
"You know, Jamie," You reply sternly.
"I need to hear it," He clarifies. "Please."
It's hard, going against what you've trained yourself to do for so long. Hide your feelings. Don't be clingy. Never admit the truth. But when he's looking at you like that, practically begging you to be honest with him, having already told you his feelings numerous times in the last twenty minutes, you can't keep the words caged. Instead, you give them their wings.
"I love you, Jamie," You tell him, feeling a huge weight leave your chest, one you didn't even notice was there.
Bucky lets out a sigh, relief and hope replacing the anxiety on his face.
With that, you move out of his embrace and go into the diner, not sure whether you'll have the strength to let him just drive by the penthouse without coming up.
damn<3
masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
You've been dating Bucky for a couple of weeks when his ex, Sharon, decides to shed some light on the truth of the situation - that you're not his type, and he'll get bored of you before returning to her, where he belongs.
Content Warning: Frat!Bucky x POC!F!Reader, mature themes, racism, Sharon is an awful person, mention of racist bullying in reader's past, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, Bucky is lovely and soft.
A/N: this is very different to the usual topics in my fics but just felt the urge to write this. i don't usually describe reader's features because growing up non-white meant reading fics about characters with white features and not really having any other options. which is why i do my best to keep physical descriptions of y/n to an absolute minimum so that anyone can read my work and relate. but felt the need to write this.
also i got really bad writer's block for the halloween fics i was writing so. this is set during a halloween party and will just have to do for this year 😔
divider by @strangergraphics
It takes you three shots of tequila before you can finally gain the courage to look at him across the dancefloor. You're not usually so coy, not since you were young, but something about Bucky makes you nervous. Maybe it's because the past few weeks have been going so well that you're afraid something's going to ruin it.
"Just go dance with him," Gwen says teasingly with a grin as she pulls on your hands. "You know you wanna."
"Not yet," You say, looking anywhere but in his direction. "It's casual. I'm being casual."
"Fuck that; he's obsessed with you, and it's obvious," Gwen says sternly.
"Well, he's fully capable of approaching me first," You remind her with a shrug as you continue dancing. "But he's too busy talking to Sharon."
She lets out a groan. "They're so freshman year. You have nothing to worry about," Gwen assures you, squeezing your hands. "If he wanted to get back with her, he would've done it by now. It's pretty clear that she's the one who can't get over him."
Taking in her words, you focus on the music, biting back a smile whenever your eyes land on his and he gives you a smirk. A couple of songs later, he even goes so far as to tilt his head and wink at you, and something about the Superman costume he's in is really doing it for you.
"Fuck it. I'm going over," You decide firmly, letting go of Gwen's hands and doing your best to casually walk over to him.
Sharon's talking at him but when he notices you approaching, he stops paying her attention and just watches you. He reaches his hand out to you once you're in touching distance, and you take it, feeling a shiver run down your spine at the physical contact.
"Hey, beautiful," He utters, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer. "How you doing?"
"Good," You reply, looking up at him with a small smile. "Just on my way to get a drink, so thought I'd stop by and say hi."
"How sweet of you," Bucky says, his lips curling up as he looks you up and down. "Cute costume."
"I was hoping to be Shaggy, but Gwen already called dibs," You tell him. "So, I had to settle for Daphne."
"I've always been more a Velma guy, but all of a sudden I'm Daphne's biggest fan," He replies with a wink, before looking around the room. "Is there a Fred somewhere I need to fight?"
With a snort, you glance over at the middle of the room where Thor, in his Fred costume, is dancing with Gwen. "I think he's distracted," You whisper in Bucky's ear. "We might get away with it."
"Think Superman has Fred beat?" He asks you with a smirk, glancing at your lips.
"Superman beats Fred, sure," You say teasingly. "But Bucky beating Thor is a different ballpark."
"You wound me," He says, nudging your hip. "I think he's warming to me, anyway. He offered to get me a beer, earlier."
"That is very good progress," You say with a wide smile.
"I think I deserve a reward," Bucky claims. "I was very polite to the guy in a couple's costume with my girl."
Both of you agreed to keeping the fact that you're dating under wraps for the time being - Bucky's well known on campus and you'd rather not be at the centre of all the gossip - but that doesn't mean you can't flirt or share a dance at a party. It would be obvious to anyone who paid enough attention that the two of you have something going on, but luckily for you, nobody seems to care enough to make a big deal of it.
Sometimes you think it might not mean much to him - your relationship - but then he calls you things like my girl and you melt into the idea of him wanting you as much as you want him.
"Do you want a drink?" You ask, resting your hand on his abdomen.
"Nah, I'm good for now, baby, thank you," Bucky replies, before leaning down and giving your cheek a soft kiss. "Have you thought about it, yet?"
Pulling back, you frown. "About what?" You ask him.
"Sleeping over," He explains. "Would be much easier for you to just crash upstairs... with me."
With a grin, you pat his chest. "I'm not that kind of girl, Barnes; not without dinner, at least," You tease, making his face fall as concern and regret swim in his eyes.
"I didn't mean like that- I just meant if you wanna stay," He claims quickly. "Not to do anything. We can just sleep."
"Hmm, like the other night, with your face in my boobs?" You ask with narrow eyes, to which he chuckles.
"I wouldn't be adverse to a little boob-pillow action," Bucky says with a shrug, pink tinging his cheeks. "But seriously. Feel free to stay. Gwen can, too."
"Oh, I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?" You ask with a raised brow.
"In a platonic way," Bucky says with a laugh, pulling you in and wrapping his arms around you. "You really do look gorgeous tonight, by the way."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure that's what you say to all the girls," You mumble against his chest before pulling back. "I'm gonna go get that drink. If you're lucky, I'll come grab you for a dance later."
"Tease," He whispers with a grin, kissing your cheek again before releasing you from his grip.
The kitchen is busy, but you manage to make your way to the fridge where you grab a canned cocktail. Just as you turn to make your way back out into the living room, though, you're faced with Sharon Carter, dressed as Supergirl.
"Hi!" She chirps with a perky smile. "Ugh, love your costume."
"Uh... thanks," You reply dully, confused by her presence. She's never spoken to you before, let alone so politely.
"Can we talk?" She asks, not bothering to wait for your response before she grabs your arm and leads you towards the back door. "Maybe outside where there's less people?"
Utterly baffled by what's happening, you have no choice but to let yourself be taken into the backyard, where there's a few people smoking in a corner. Sharon takes you towards the shed at the back of the yard, where she lets out a sigh.
"It's about time we had a conversation, right?" She says, baffling you further.
"It is?" You ask before taking a long sip from your can.
"Of course - y'know, seeing how you've been hanging out with Jamie, recently," She says before gasping. "Oh. I mean Bucky. That's his first na-"
"Yeah, I know," You cut in, sick of her patronizing tone. "Cut the shit, Carter. What do you want?"
Her smile falters but she keeps up the perky tone. "Well, I just wanted to talk to you, girl-to-girl, about you and Ja- Bucky," She explains. "I know you and him have been seeing each other, and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea."
Ah. Right. This is the part where she assures you that there's nothing there between her and Bucky anymore and that even though they're friends, you have nothing to worry about.
"I don't want you to be lead on, or made to think that there's a genuine future between you and him," She goes on to say, throwing you for a loop.
What the fuck?
"Excuse me?" You utter, once again baffled. She said it with such a casual tone that you'd wondering whether you heard her wrong.
"I know it's really fun getting to know him and spending alone time with him," Sharon continues. "But you shouldn't get too invested."
Okay. So, this is the part where she warns you that he's a player and will only break your heart like he did hers two years ago. She's just trying to protect your feelings - warning you, girl-to-girl, that Bucky has fuckboy tendencies.
"Thanks, Sharon, but I can look after myself," You say with a nod. "I appreciate you giving me a heads-up, but I know what I'm getting myself into, and Bucky isn't the same guy he was when he was 18."
Now it's her turn to look confused. "I know better than anyone how much he's matured and grown since then," She tells you pointedly. "He's a good guy with a good heart."
Okay, what the actual fuck is going on?
"Sharon, I won't lie, I'm really fucking confused right now," You admit bluntly. "What are you trying to say exactly?"
She lets out a long sigh. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, but if nobody else is going to, then I can't stand by and watch you get attached to him, knowing the truth," She explains.
"And what is the truth?" You ask, narrowing your eyes at her.
"You're not his type," She says simply. "You're a pretty girl, nobody's denying that, but your features just aren't what Bucky wants long-term. Do you know what I mean?"
Your blood runs cold. "No, Sharon, I don't know what you mean," You say, refusing to make this conversation easy for her. "Please, do explain."
"All you have to do is look at his history to see the pattern. I was his first girlfriend at college, and the other girls he's dated since have been... well, like me. Yelena, and Carol. I mean, he's probably more compatible with your friend Gwen than you," She says with a casual laugh. "I'm sure he's attracted to you - he isn't blind. But you're more like a novelty than girlfriend material for him. You're like, exotic fruit, you know? The novelty only lasts so long."
Your fingers twitch.
"And once he's had his fun, he'll be back with... someone who looks more like me," Sharon adds, and undeniable look of smug pride on her face. "It's just natural. It's what he's drawn to. So, yeah, just wanted to talk to you quickly about that so you aren't too blindsided in a couple of weeks. You can cosplay as Daphne all you like, but under the costume... yeah."
With that, she squeezes your shoulder and walks back towards the house, leaving you there in the cold to process her words. Snapping out of your shock, you turn and yell at her back, "Superman and Supergirl are cousins, by the way!"
She doesn't hear you- or at least pretends like she doesn't.
It's a rough walk back inside. Each step feels heavy with traumatic memories of when you were younger, having to deal with shit from girls like Sharon every single day at school. You've done so well to move on from that trauma, to build up your confidence and be proud of who you are and what you look like, but with one five minute conversation, all that confidence and pride has been sucked out like a deflated balloon.
You stick to the walls when you get in. Gwen wonders why you aren't in the middle of the dance floor with her anymore, but you tell her you feel a headache coming on and she accepts that excuse. The party feels smaller. Tighter. Like everyone's looking at you and thinking the same thing - you're different. You don't look like us.
It's not true - there's plenty of people here who look like you. This isn't your small-town school. But your brain is refusing to accept logic as it convinces you that you're a speck of dust on a blank canvas. A wine stain in the carpet.
"Hey, beautiful."
His voice pours through your burning thoughts like cool water.
"What's wrong?" Bucky asks, coming closer, shielding your body from the rest of the room with his. "You okay?"
A slow nod is all you can muster, but it isn't enough to convince him.
"Let's go talk upstairs, yeah?" He suggests before taking your hand and gently leading you through the crowd and towards the staircase.
Once you're in his bedroom, he shuts the door and sits you down on his bed.
"I'm okay," You assure him, not wanting him to be worried. "Just a little... thrown."
"Thrown?" Bucky repeats, sitting down next to you and placing his hand on your back where he rubs comforting circles.
"Yeah, I just... something really weird happened," You tell him, looking down at your hands. "It just threw me. I wasn't expecting to feel like this ever again."
"Did someone say something?" He asks, his brows furrowing. "Do something?"
You lift your chin up and your eyes meet his. His narrow slightly.
"Who?" He whispers, his jaw clenching.
A dry laugh escapes your throat. You hate that she's got you feeling like this. "Sharon," You admit, watching his face fall. "She just, uh... said something really weird to me."
"What did she say?" He asks, his free hand holding yours.
You take in a deep breath, not sure how he's going to take it. What if Sharon was right? What if, even it's just subconsciously, Bucky doesn't see himself in a long-term relationship with someone who isn't white?
"Talk to me," He mumbles softly, not wanting you to get lost in your thoughts.
"Uh... she brought up the whole... race thing," You find yourself saying, unable to speak plainly as a sheen of shame coats your skin.
"Race thing?" Bucky repeats, pure confusion on his face. "What do you mean?"
A sigh leaves your mouth as if you're frustrated at him for not understanding straight away - but that's not fair on him. Sick of beating around the bush, you give it to him straight. "Sharon said you wouldn't settle down with a girl who isn't white, essentially," You tell him bluntly. "I'm not your type, and you're only dating me for the novelty."
His lips part but he doesn't say anything straight away. After a few seconds, he incredulously sputters, "What? The fuck?"
"I don't know; she framed it like she was doing me a favor by telling me I'm not your type," You continue, fiddling with your thumbs. "That you're gonna end up with someone who looks like her. Not me."
Bucky covers his face with his hands. "What the fuck?" He whispers, his voice muffled.
"I actually think she used the words exotic fruit," You tell him, making him snort.
"Holy fuck, this isn't funny, but that's just fucked up," He says, moving his hands down and looking at you. The look on his face is that of pure bewilderment. "You know that that's complete bullshit, right?"
His reaction has quelled your fears, so you link your arm in his, holding his bicep close to your chest. "It just kinda reminded me of high school," You admit. "I grew up in a very white town and went to a very white school, so I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was the butt of every joke - I was an insult. The boys would tease each other by accusing each other of having a crush on me. The girls wanted nothing to do with me."
"That's awful," Bucky whispers, placing his right hand on your knee.
"Then when we got a little older and I... developed, I started getting attention from some of the boys," You go on to say. "But I was always a secret. They couldn't admit to anyone that they were seeing me. Their friends would never let them live it down, so they'd make fun of me in school then take me on a date in the next town over."
Bucky says nothing, letting you speak.
"But then I came to college, and suddenly I'm in this diverse environment, and boys are loudly and proudly flirting with me," You say, a small smile growing on your lips. "It was hard to get used to at first. And the girls were nice. I met Gwen, and she didn't look down on me or see me as different. She just asked if she could borrow the skirt I was wearing. I was finally normal. But tonight... the conversation with Sharon felt like a cold bucket of water was poured over me. Like the bubble popped. I was in school again, being told I was less than, and that I didn't look right. I'll get over it, eventually, I'm just a little... shocked. I didn't think someone would be that racist to my face again now that I was out of that backwards town."
His brows are furrowed together and his gaze is on the carpet. It's clear that he's upset, deep in thought while absentmindedly rubbing comforting circles on your back. After a few moments, he finally speaks. "I'm so sorry," He utters, meeting your eyes.
"You don't need to apologise on her behalf," You whisper, squeezing his leg.
He lets out a sigh through his nose. "I'm gonna talk to her," He decides firmly.
"Bucky, you don't have-"
"No, she can't get away with that. What she said is horrific," He says, shaking his head.
"She wants you back, if that isn't obvious," You point out.
He rolls his eyes at that. "I thought I made it clear to her that we're never happening again," He grumbles.
"Whatever. Let's stop talking about her," You request. "You can talk to her tomorrow if you really want to. I just want to have fun with you tonight."
"Yeah," He whispers, before a look of disgust reappears on his face. "No, you know what? She has no idea what she's talking about. I lived in Brooklyn my whole life and she thinks I've only ever dated white girls? Where's she got that idea from?"
"Buck-"
"I'm not trying to prove something to you, I'm just... it's crazy to me," He says, running a hand through his hair. "She doesn't know me at all. She's just some girl I dated for a couple months in freshman year."
"I know," You say simply.
He looks back at you, his eyes filled with concern. "Fuck. I'm making this about myself, aren't I?" He asks you. "I'm sorry. I don't care what she says or thinks about me, I'm just pissed that she tried to hurt you or make you doubt how I feel. And that she said those awful things."
Leaning into his side, you trail your fingers over the big, yellow S on his chest.
"Fuck," He repeats with a whisper, anxiety dripping from his tone.
You grab his hand, not wanting him to feel guilty for something he had no part in.
"I just..." Bucky begins, holding your hands in his. "I really, really like you. I know I'm not exactly good at hiding that; I've been begging you to be my girlfriend for weeks, but... I just really don't want to fuck this up."
You smile, nudging his shoulder. "I trust that you won't," You tell him honestly, before giving his lips a soft kiss.
"And for what it's worth," He says, stroking your knee. "I don't have a type. At least, not a physical one. And if I did, you'd be exactly it."
"Good to know," You whisper, before tilting your head. "I think I've made my decision."
"About what?" Bucky asks with a frown while stroking your hair.
"I'm gonna stay the night," You tell him. "Shall we go back downstairs?"
His jaw clenches for a split second at the thought of returning to where Sharon is, before he squeezes your knee. "It's up to you, beautiful," He says. "Personally, I'm ready to get out of this suit. It's tight."
"No, you're definitely staying in it for at least another hour," You say teasingly, trailing your finger down his chest to his yellow belt.
"Oh?" He raises a brow with a proud smirk. "Is that right, Daphne?"
"Damn right, Superman," You reply. "The suit stays on."
With a wide grin, he grabs your hips and pulls you onto his lap. "Whatever you say, ma'am."
happy halloween stay safe<3
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
it's the second night of your trip with your physics professors and you've had a break-through in the research. but to test their hypothesis, you need to help them recreate the exact same conditions as the first night... for science.
content warning: dark!bucky x f!student!reader x dark!steve, mature themes, dark themes, made-up science bullshit, manipulation, naive!reader, smut, dub-con, rough sex, face fucking, no protection, cream pies (yes multiple), bucky and steve are DIABOLICAL MEN.
NIGHT ONE
a/n: the long-awaited sequel to my personal favorite dark fic i've ever written (exactly two years after part one!). i missed the professors <3 also i know absolutely nothing about physics so please don't take the science talk too seriously just go with it and pretend it makes total sense. and i don't like tooting my own horn but i do think this part is hotter than the first.
divider by @strangergraphics
"This is incredible - the cells transferred the energy to the battery overnight," Bucky says with excitement in his eyes. "We've been working on this for years and this is the biggest breakthrough yet."
"That's amazing, Professor Barnes," You say as you shift your weight onto your right leg, still sore from the night before.
Steve was full of guilt this morning when he woke up still inside you, apologizing profusely when he realized what happened. You assured him that it was okay, but that maybe you should take the couch tonight. After all, it wasn't his fault - he was sleepwalking and had no idea what he was doing.
"We need definitive proof that this works," Steve says as he looks through the microscope, before lifting his head up. "We need it to happen again. And to do that... we need to recreate the exact same conditions as we had last night."
Your eyes widen.
"That's right. The cells were in this room when they transferred the energy," Bucky says, taking off his glasses. "So we need to make sure the conditions are as close to last night's as possible."
"Uh... like, the temperature, and stuff?" You ask with a squeak.
"Yes. But also the activity that took place," Bucky says gravely. "See, every one of our actions takes and creates energy, so whatever we did last night made the perfect environment for the experiment to work successfully."
"You're exactly right," Steve agrees with him. "We need to do everything the same, as close as we can."
Nervously, you clear your throat. "Um, do you mean we also have to do what happened... in bed... again?" You ask meekly.
Bucky's face drops. "Oh, God. I didn't even think about that..." He trails off before looking into your eyes. "But, yes. It'll need to happen again."
Your stomach flips.
"I can't do that to her again, Buck," Steve says, shaking his head with a look of shame on his face. "I already have enough guilt from last night. I don't think I'm capable of doing that again."
"Alright. I'll do it," Bucky says bravely. "It's the same kind of energy being exuded, so it shouldn't make too much of a difference which one of us it is."
"But... it's too much to ask of her," Steve says as he looks at you with pity. "You're our student. We shouldn't put you in that position. No matter how important this research is in creating a sustainable power source that could save the world someday."
You think about it before letting out a sigh and nodding. "No. I'll do it," You decide firmly. "It's for science. And the world. I know how much time and effort you've both put into this already and... it would be my honor to help you with the research."
Bucky smiles. "I knew you'd be one of our best students, flower," He says softly before looking at the bed. "Shall we?"
Once you're in your pyjamas, you timidly get into the bed where Bucky's already laying down. Steve stands by the makeshift lab at the other side of the room, keeping an eye on the cells. There's an alarm that he set up to let out a 'ding' whenever a substantial amount of energy is passed through the cells, and he tells you that that's the sound you're looking for.
You lay on your side facing away from Bucky, just how you were last night, your heart racing.
"Alright, whenever you're ready," Steve calls out before dimming the lights.
When you feel Bucky get closer, you suck in a sharp breath and hold it in, flinching as he wraps an arm around you. "Keep breathing, flower," He whispers into your ear. "It's just me. Remember, this is for science."
"For science," You repeat with a nod.
"Good girl," He mumbles before slipping his hand under the hem of your shirt and cupping your bare boob. You gasp as he pulls and twists your nipple, making you squirm against his hardening boner.
"Nothing yet," Steve says. "Keep going."
Bucky lowers his hand and instead slips it under your shorts, rubbing your pussy over your underwear which is already wet through. You bite your lip to hold back your moans when he pushes your panties to the side and rubs circles directly onto your throbbing clit.
"Don't hold back, flower," He utters lowly. "You're doing so well for me."
With that, he pushes two fingers inside you, making you cry out at the intrusion. Once you've broken the barrier, you can't stop moaning, though it comes out in strangled whines as you do your best to keep quiet. It would be far too embarrassing to make it obvious how good this feels. It's purely for scientific research purposes.
"Gonna need a little more," Steve says in a warning tone. "Still no activity."
Taking his fingers out of you, Bucky pulls down your shorts and brings his hard cock to your pussy. He lifts up your leg before slowly inching into you, grunting in your ear as he stretches you out.
"Fuck, so tight," He groans under his breath. "You ready for it, flower?"
"Yes," You whimper, grabbing a fistful of the sheets in anticipation.
Keeping your leg lifted, Bucky starts fucking you. He starts off slow and gentle, kissing your neck and rubbing your nipples.
"Can you give me some more?" Steve requests. "Still nothing."
Bucky growls before speeding up and fucking you harder. His cock pummels in and out of you while you cry out, utterly taken over by pleasure.
"More," Steve calls out.
Pulling and twisting on your nipples, Bucky fucks you even faster, the sound of skin on skin filling the room. You can hear how wet your pussy is with each thrust.
Steve lets out a sigh of frustration. "I need more, guys," He says with a tinge of annoyance in his tone.
With that, he grabs you by the arm and forces you onto your hands and knees. Bucky then gets behind you, pushing his cock back into you and getting much deeper at this angle. He pushes your head down onto the bed roughly and even spanks your ass, though you're sure it's all for the sake of the experiment.
"Alright, that's a little better," Steve says. "Could definitely be doing more, though."
More? You let out a squeak at the thought of it.
"Steve, maybe it needs to be you," Bucky suggests, still fucking you steadily as he speaks casually. "I think you should come over here and fuck her."
Your heart skips a beat.
"You really think so?" Steve asks him.
"We have to try," Bucky answers. "For science."
With a determined look on his face, Steve nods. "For science." He walks over to the bed while stripping down, and you watch with wide eyes, still being drilled by Bucky.
Bucky thrusts a few more times before pulling out, making you whimper at the sudden loss. He makes his way to the end of the bed where your head is, while Steve climbs up behind you.
"You're doing so well for us, flower," Bucky whispers as he kisses your cheek. "I know this is hard on you, but it's going to be so worth it when we finish this project. And you'll be getting 100% on all your work this year."
"R-really?" You ask him with wide eyes.
"Of course," Bucky replies with a smile as he moves closer to you. "You're our number-one student. You have more than earnt it, flower." His cock rubs against your cheek accidentally, but he does nothing to move it. He's too busy thinking about science so you completely understand and don't complain when his pre-cum drips out onto your face and down your neck.
"Thank you, Professor Ba- aah," You cry out as Steve plunges into you with no warning.
Steve shudders as his cock sits inside your warm pussy. "Just as tight and wet as last night," He groans, making you falter.
"But weren't you asleep?" You ask him, wondering how he could possibly remember.
Instead of answering you, Steve starts railing you. Your mind is empty as he fucks you into the mattress, his hands tightly gripping your hips and keeping you in place.
"No dings yet," Bucky says with a sigh as he glances over at the lab equipment, before he looks back down at you. "Let me try something..."
He grabs a fistful of your hair and lifts your head off the bed, before forcing his cock into your mouth. Your eyes widen as he fucks your face with no mercy.
Ding, ding.
"It's working!" Steve says, and you can hear the grin on his lips. "Keep doing whatever you're doing. Don't change a thing."
"Aye-aye, captain," Bucky groans as he forces your head further down his cock, making you gag. "I'm sorry, flower, but this is what needs to happen."
"You're being so good for us, taking our cocks like a champ," Steve adds as he slaps your ass. "Our brave girl. You are so important to this research, beautiful, so fucking important, and so smart, and... fuck, so fucking tight."
Your mind lights up with delight at his praise. Ding, ding.
"That's it, keep sucking me, it's working," Bucky says lowly. "You're gonna help us save the world, flower. We're so proud of you."
He sees the look in your eyes and he knows he's got you in the palm of his hand.
"Keep making us proud," He utters, stroking your cheek as his cock breaches your throat. "You don't wanna disappoint us, do you?"
You shake your head as best you can, making him grin.
"Good girl," He whispers, before speeding up his thrusts.
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," Steve warns you. He makes no effort to pull out even though he isn't wearing a condom, but you let it slide. For science.
"Fill her pussy up, Steve," Bucky groans.
Your cunt flutters around Steve, making him shudder before he cums with a loud grunt, thrusting hard as he spurts into you. You moan around Bucky's cock and the sound coincides with three of the loudest 'dings' you've heard all night.
"Shit, that was incredible," Steve groans as he pulls out of you. "And it worked so well. Bucky, I think you need to cum inside her pussy, too."
"You think so?" Bucky asks as he slows down his thrusts, fucking your face a little softer.
"I do," Steve doubles down. "The alarm sounded out the loudest when I was cumming inside her; the energy created from that action must have triggered the cells."
Bucky pulls out of your mouth and cups your chin. "What do you think, flower?" He asks. "Do you think he could be right?"
It does make sense. After all, Steve's right - the alarm was loudest when he was finishing in you. And it does feel good for your professor, renowned quantum physicist, to be asking for your opinion. "I think he's right," You tell him.
"You do?" Bucky pushes, stroking your cheek. "So, you think I should cum inside your pussy, too? Right after Professor Rogers just did?"
"I do," You answer, keeping your eyes locked on his. "I really do, Professor Barnes."
"Alright. Okay, flower, if you think that's best," Bucky says innocently.
Steve moves to the side and Bucky flips you over so you're lying on your back. He then nestles himself between your spread legs and returns his cock to your pussy, which is currently oozing with Steve's cum.
With a shaky breath, Bucky uses the tip of his cock to scoop up as much of Steve's cum as he can and pushes it back into you. He repeats this a couple more times until the excess cum is back in your pussy, and then Bucky plunges his cock into you. There's a constant chorus of dings coming from the lab, proving that this is the right thing to do.
"Go for it, Buck," Steve mutters. "For science."
Bucky nods and repeats, "For science."
They both give you expectant looks and you quickly nod and echo, "For science."
Wasting no time, Bucky starts thrusting, fucking in and out of you. His head falls forward, resting in your neck as he fucks you.
"That's it, you're taking him so well," Steve says as he watches. "Just a little longer, now. You're being so good."
"I'm so close," Bucky groans into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. "Gonna fill this tight pussy with my cum. Are you ready for it, flower?"
"Yes," You cry out, just as Steve brings his fingers to your swollen clit and starts rubbing it. The dings get louder.
With a roar, Bucky erupts, thrusting faster and harder than ever as his cum spills into you. Steve rubs your clit harder, triggering your own orgasm as you shake beneath Bucky, your eyes rolling back. Ding. Ding. Ding.
Bucky continues thrusting weakly, making you convulse and whimper. "Such a good girl for us," He whispers, lifting his head up and looking down at you as he fucks in and out of you, slow and gentle. "We are so proud of you, flower. You have been incredible tonight."
"That's right. We couldn't have done this without you," Steve says, stroking your cheek. "And by the sounds of it, it was a successful experiment, so well done. You helped to make that happen."
You nod with a smile, basking in the glory of their praise. "Thank you, Professors, for giving me this opportunity," You say, expecting Bucky to pull out but not saying anything when he remains inside you. "It's truly such an hon- honor to work with you both. I- this experience has been phenomenal."
"And you've been amazing," Bucky says with his dick sitting inside you, even though he's talking as though nothing untoward is happening at all. "I'm so glad you accepted our invitation. We knew you were going to be a stand-out on your first day. I couldn't be prouder."
"Shit. We should've documented this," Steve says as he shakes his head. "How are we going to remember exactly what we did to make the experiment successful?"
You don't think you'll ever forget.
"Damn it. We fucked up," Bucky groans, rubbing his face.
"Is there any way at all we could... somehow get the full step-by-step of what we did?" Steve wonders out loud.
They both look at you, waiting for you to suggest something.
"Um... well, if we had filmed it, that could've worked," You suggest. "But we didn't, so..."
"So what you're saying is, we're going to have to do this all over again and make sure to film it this time?" Steve asks you, making your eyes widen.
"No, that's not what I-"
"That's our only option," Bucky cuts in, giving you a grave look. "To make sure we can perfectly replicate this, we have to do it again and film it, so we know the exact conditions needed."
"No. Look at her, Bucky, we've put her through enough," Steve says as he wipes at the residue of Bucky's cum on your cheek. "We can't do this to her again."
Bucky sighs. "You're right. We'll just have to... go back to square one and figure out another way to make this work," He says, his tone heavy with dejection. "It might take years, but we have to keep trying."
"No," You cut in, unable to disappoint them after making them so proud. "We can do it again. I can take it."
"Are you sure?" Steve asks you, concern in his eyes.
"100%," You reply instantly. They had enough hope on you to bring you on this trip over all their other students, so you need to prove your worth.
"You're sure you can take it, flower?" Bucky asks softly. "You can handle Professor Rogers and I taking turns fucking you, hard, and fucking your face, and both of us cumming inside you again with no condoms? On camera?"
"Yes," You assure him, determined to be someone they're proud of. "Whatever it takes to help you with this research, I'll do it. I'll do anything for you, Professor. I'll do anything for science."
You suck in a sharp breath when you feel his cock harden inside you again.
"You're too good to us, honey," Steve says, unable to stop the smirk from pulling at his lips. "Together, we're going to do some incredible things."
"Incredible," Bucky repeats with a grin. "And all in the name of science, of course."
"Of course," Steve adds, his thumb rubbing your swollen bottom lip. "All for science."
happy october 🎃 got a few spoooooky fics planned and im gonna try my hardest to get them all out this month <3 it's my bday month and work is crazy rn but i'll do my best x
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
he'll let you go once you give him what he wants. at least, that's what he says.
content warning: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, dark!bucky barnes z fem!stripper!reader, mature themes, dark themes, bucky is a weirdo stalker, non/dubcon, kidnapping, filming without consent, man handling, nipple play, fingering, degredation, sex, blackmail, no aftercare.
a/n: this one is... very special to me. i hope u enjoy it too <3
You wake up in a bedroom which makes you think the horrific memory flashing in your aching head in which you were kidnapped was just a dream. But, a few seconds later, when it becomes clear that this isn't your bedroom, you realize that it wasn't a dream.
The chains around your wrist are the second thing you notice, and when you do notice them, you begin to scream. You scream and scream until you think you might vomit, then you take a deep breath and continue to scream. A good minute later, you hear heavy footsteps racing towards the room, making your heart skip a beat. Before you can decide whether it's a good or bad thing that your captor knows you're awake, the door slams open.
"What the fuck are you screaming about?" The man asks as he walks in with a frown on his face. He has dark hair and a scruffy beard, but it's the glasses he's wearing that help you recognize him. You've seen him a few times in the club; he's not the most generous tipper so you barely give him any attention, but the last time you saw him was when you were about to give him a private lap dance.
"You," You whisper, eyes wide as you stand up to your feet, looking around for something to defend yourself with. Apart from the bed, there isn't much else in this room. A few magazines sit on the bedside table and a tall mirror seems to be stuck to the wall, and in front of the bed is a full-wall wardrobe with a few cabinets. The handle of the lowest cabinet is where your chains are connected to.
"Yeah, it's me," He says softly, closing the door behind him. "See? There's nothing to be afraid of."
Looking down at your body, you see that you're wearing nothing more than one of your signature white underwear sets. helping you remember exactly what you were doing when this freak kidnapped you. He must've waited out back for you to leave the club - you're always the last girl out - and snatched you.
"I just thought, this way, we wouldn't be interrupted," He goes onto say, his casual tone only making you more uncomfortable as he takes a step closer. "I'm James, by the way. Well, you can call me Bucky. Yeah, call me Bucky."
"Okay, Bucky," You reply, doing your best to remain calm. "Listen, could you undo these chains? They're really uncomfortable."
He winces, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, Angel, I can't. I can't guarantee that you won't run off if I untie you. You understand, don't you?"
Wanting to stay on his good side, you reluctantly nod. "I understand, Bucky," You reply politely.
A warm smile grows on his lips. "I knew you would," Bucky says before clapping his hands together. "Right. Shall we get started?"
You raise a brow, giving him an expectant look.
"Oh. Of course," He chuckles. "The little knock on your head must've messed with your memory a bit... well, you were all set to give me a private dance - which I was really, really looking forward to - but then you left. You just... left me there. No explanation. No apology. You just walked straight out."
Your stomach churns as your memory returns. He's telling the truth - you were about to give him a lap dance in one of the private rooms as he had pre-booked, but just before you got the chance to even flash him a smile, your boss, Steve, walked in and dragged you away to another, more important client. You wince. This freak wouldn't kill you for ditching him, would he? Either way, you decide to play nice. "I am so, so sorry, James - Bucky," You say, hoping it sounds genuine.
"No, I don't want an apology," He cuts you off, holding up his hand with a glint in his eye. "I just want you to make it up to me. I want my dance."
Slight relief makes your fingers twitch, but you also feel slightly confused. "Seriously?" You ask him bluntly. "That's why you abducted me? For a dance?"
He lets out a sigh, doing his best to remain calm. "I saved up for a long time to be able to afford you, Angel," Bucky points out.
"You couldn't just book another dance?" You ask him wildly, at your wits end. "I would've rescheduled for free - if you had even just waited an hour-"
"Shut up," He cuts in curtly, his hands balling into fists at his sides. "I told you what I want. Now, you'll give it to me. And once you do, I'll let you go."
Maybe you're stupid for believing him, but you don't exactly have a choice. You give him a nod, and his face and body visibly relax.
"Good," He mumbles almost inaudibly before making his way back to the door, which he shuts. He takes out a key chain with multiple keys from his pocket and locks the door. Then, he walks back over to you and uses another key to unlock your chains.
The relief around your wrists is instant, but quickly replaced with new pressure when he grabs them and walks you over to the foot of the bed. Bucky takes a seat on the corner of the bed, takes off his glasses which he places next to him, and then gives you an expectant look.
You raise a brow and let out a nervous laugh. "No music?" You ask, half in an attempt to lighten the mood and half because music would make this a lot less awkward.
Bucky thinks for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No music," He decides firmly. "You can start, now."
You close your eyes as you try to calm your nerves. Although he's kidnapped you and is holding you against your will, he probably still isn't the most dangerous client you've ever had. All he wants is a dance. He doesn't want to hurt you. Don't give him a reason to.
With a deep breath, you start to sway your hips. It feels wrong to be dancing with no music to follow, but you just need to get this over with. You focus on the movement of your body, no doubt he's doing the same. When you feel his big hands grab hold of your waist, your eyes shoot open and you immediately stop moving.
"No touching," You say sternly, as if he's one of your regular clients in the club.
With a clenched jaw, he tightens his grip on your waist. "I make the rules here, Angel, this is my house. Just keep fucking dancing," He orders you. "There's no such thing as 'no' for you anymore. You do as I say. You ask no questions. You do not stop me."
Holding back the cuss words on the tip of your tongue, you grit your teeth together and continue dancing. You imagine a song playing in your head to help kill the awkward silence, and do your best to ignore his rough hands stroking your bare hips.
"I think this is the part where you take your tits out for me," Bucky says flatly, and you know it isn't just a polite suggestion.
Sticking to your usual routine, you spin around so you're facing away from him, before turning your head to the side. "Pull the string," You say, hoping he won't hear the resentment in your voice.
He takes his time in moving his hand up your back, feeling your soft skin before finally pulling on one of the strings of your bra. You pull it off your shoulders and toss it to the side, and then slowly turn back to face him.
It isn't his first time seeing your boobs, but he looks as if it's his first time seeing any boobs. "Fuck," He whispers, bringing his hands up to cup them. "You're so sexy."
You know there's no use in telling him not to touch them, so you hold back your eye-roll as he rubs his thumbs over your hardening nipples.
"Getting excited?" He asks with delight in his eyes as your nipples respond to his touch.
"Don't flatter yourself; they're sensitive," You tell him bluntly. You may have to do as he says, but you don't have to be happy about it.
"Is that right?" He questions you curiously before his eyes meet yours. "Sit on my lap, Angel."
With a sigh, you obey, cringing when you feel his boner poke against your ass.
Bucky pulls you closer so your back is flush against his chest, before his hands return to your tits. He immediately goes for your nipples, pulling and twisting on them, making you cry out against your control.
"That hurts," You tell him, squeezing your legs together as you feel yourself get wet. Stop being so turned on for this bastard.
"Good," He replies simply, pulling them harder. "It's okay if you want to moan. In fact, you should moan. Go ahead, Angel. Moan for me."
Unable to stop yourself, you do as he says, hating yourself for it. Whimpers and cries escape your mouth as your body rocks against his, pure frustration causing your thighs to rub together.
"Moan my name," He utters into your ear. "Do it."
"Bucky," You whine, throwing your head back on his shoulder.
"That's it, baby Angel, that's a good girl," He groans as his boner rubs against your ass. When his left hand releases your nipple and begins to slide down your stomach, you come to your senses and immediately clamp your hand around his wrist.
"Not there, Bucky," You say sternly. "That's where I draw the line."
He grabs your chin, fury in his eyes. "Where you draw the line?" He repeats before laughing darkly. "There is no fucking line here, and certainly not one you draw. I told you; you do as I say, and you do it without question. Now, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear anything from you unless you're moaning, you slut."
You suck in a deep breath as he forces his hand down your panties, his fingers immediately settling between your folds.
"Holy fuck. You are so fucking wet, Angel," Bucky grumbles into your ear. "Shit. Like a fucking swimming pool down here. Do you get this wet for every lap dance?"
You let out a shaky breath.
He slaps your cheek. "I asked you a question. Answer me."
"No," You say pointedly. "I don't get wet."
"I know that's right," Bucky groans. "Fuck, this kitty knows she's home, doesn't she? I bet I could just slide my fingers straight into you with how wet you are. Just... like... this."
You suck in a sharp breath as he pushes two of his fingers into your pussy, curling them inside you. For a moment, you forget the context of why you're here and who with, and just focus on how good it feels to have his fingers sliding in and out of you.
His right hand continues toying with your nipple, making your eyes roll back as he fucks you with his fingers. "That's it, I knew you'd enjoy yourself eventually," He says, and you can hear the smirk on his lips. "Look at you; your pussy's fucking soaking. Desperate for it, aren't you, you slut?"
Incoherent moans are all that leave your mouth.
Suddenly, he pulls his fingers out of you and instead moves to unbuckle his belt. You suddenly become acutely aware of your surroundings and sit up, turning back to face him.
"What are you doing?" You ask as he pulls down his zipper.
"What do you think I'm doing?" He asks with a smirk as he pulls out his huge, swollen cock. It's incredibly impressive for someone so creepy and incel-like.
"No," You utter, shaking your head. "That's way too far, now. This was just supposed to be a fucking lap dance, I've already given you way more than you'd get in the club!"
He lets out a sigh at your outburst, but surprisingly doesn't hit you or yell. It's eerie how calm he is. "Look ahead, Angel. At the wardrobe in front of you," He says, making you frown.
You look straight at it, confused as to what it is you're supposed to be seeing. "What about it?" You ask him. The doors are slightly ajar, but there's nothing special about it.
"See, you probably can't tell, but there's a camera in there, and it's been recording this whole time," He reveals, making your stomach flip.
Narrowing your eyes, you stare at it, gasping when you see a tiny red light.
"And unless you want me to post the video of me fingering your pussy and playing with your tits to the world for everyone to see, you're gonna take my cock like the good girl we both know you can be," Bucky growls into your ear. "Now, there's plenty of men who have seen your tits before, but I know there's one man in particular who you don't want to see what I just did to you. No. Rogers would be pretty mad, wouldn't he? Your boyfriend-slash-pimp would probably kill you for letting another man touch your cunt. He's incredibly possessive, isn't he?"
Your breaths are shaky, the thought of Steve finding out about tonight making you sick to your stomach. He gets pissed enough when someone dares to grope you during a dance at the club, but this? He'd kill Bucky and you.
"So, unless you want him seeing the footage of his favorite girl being used by someone else, you're gonna let me fuck you until I cum deep inside your pussy," Bucky snarls. "And you're gonna enjoy it, like the whore you are."
With that, he grabs your arm and forces you down onto the bed, making sure the camera's got a good angle as he rips your panties apart. Without warning, he stuffs his fat cock into you, making you scream out. Your hands grab fistfuls of the bed sheets as he forces himself into you, spreading you open and filling you up. The stretch burns and you feel lightheaded.
"Fuck, didn't think a slut like you would have such a tight cunt," Bucky grumbles as he bottoms out. "You never had a cock as thick as mine?"
"Mmph," Is all you can let out, your face smushed against the bed.
He slowly pulls out of you. "Ready for it?" He asks, before chuckling. "I couldn't give a fuck either way." And with that, he starts fucking you, hard.
Gasps and whimpers escape your mouth as he pounds into you, tightly gripping your hips. One of his hands moves up your stomach and finds your tits, and he pinches and pulls on your nipples. Your eyes roll back and you feel dizzy, overwhelmed with pain and pleasure as the two mix.
"That's it, take this cock," Bucky grunts. "That's all you're good for, isn't it, you stupid slut? Making me wait... being a fucking tease, blowing me kisses then walking past me like I mean nothing... Now look at you. Fucking destroyed."
You're utterly powerless against him, reduced to nothing as he fucks you with vigor and rage. You can feel his need to ruin you; his frustration is palpable. And you're at his mercy. All you can do is take it. So, that's what you do, giving in to the overwhelming pleasure as he uses your body.
"An-gel," He sings teasingly, bringing his lips down to your ear. "I can feel you pulsing around my cock. Gonna cum?"
You let out a cry.
"Use. Your. Words," Bucky utters, slamming into you with each word.
"Yes," The word bursts from your mouth like a bird finding its wings.
"That's my Angel," He says smugly, bringing his fingers down to your clit which he rubs. "Show me who this pussy belongs to. Cum around my cock. Now."
With a strangled cry, you feel your orgasm hit you like a wave, stunning you. Your body convulses beneath his while he keeps fucking you, growling your name as his cock twitches inside you.
"You're gonna take my cum; every fucking drop," He says gruffly. "Gonna fuck you pregnant. Make you mine, forever."
Your mind is empty as you float through your pleasure, too taken to process what he's saying, or the fact that he's cumming inside you without a condom on.
Bucky grunts, thrusting a few last times as he empties his cum into you. "That's a good little whore," He grumbles as his hips still, his cock buried in you. "See? I knew you'd enjoy yourself."
You wince as he pulls out, leaving you empty, save for his cum which dribbles out of you.
"You did a good job tonight, Angel," He says, patting your ass a few times. "Maybe tomorrow we can give everyone an even better show."
"Huh?" You utter, lifting your head up to see him opening the wardrobe and pulling out the camera.
He brings the camera to your face with a wide grin on his lips. "Say hi to our supporters, Angel," Bucky says, making you feel sick to our stomach. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. Let me know if you have any special requests."
With that, he turns the camera off, and you're stunned into silence. You're so shocked that you can barely move, even when he returns the handcuffs to your wrist, binding you to the bedpost.
"I'll bring some snacks up for you soon," Bucky says casually as he walks towards the door. "Just give me a shout if you need anything." He opens the door and stands in the doorway, shooting you a bright smile. "Oh, and you can be as loud as you want, don't worry about bothering the neighbors.
There's no-one for miles around."
ahhhhh this has been in my drafts for SO. LONG. i'm so happy that it's finally done. made it a bit spooky to celebrate the fact that IT'S HALLOWEEN SOON 🤪
got a couple of halloween fics planned for you so keep an eye out xxx
bucky masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
Once he's escaped the Void, Bucky has to find you immediately, because he knows exactly what you would have seen, and he knows that you'll need him.
Content Warning: Ex!Bucky x F!Reader, mature themes, angst, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, mention of trauma/PTSD, implication of past childhood abuse, exes to lovers (kind of. they kiss, so?), fluff.
a/n: yeah it's embarrassingly obvious at this point that i only recently watched thunderbolts. i feel so late to the game but can't stop thinking about this concept. just some self-indulgent comfort
When the camera flashes slow down and the mics are pulled away, Bucky can finally take in a deep breath. He focuses on his feet. How they feel against the ground. The breeze. The warmth emanating from the bodies around him.
"I hope everyone's okay," He hears Bob mumble sheepishly as he looks around. He isn't talking about the destroyed offices and rubble; he's talking about how New York went dark as Sentry cast them into the Void.
And all Bucky can think about is you.
He can't recall the last time he saw you, but he knows he has to find you and make sure you're okay. Much to the others' dismay, he runs in search of you and only you. They think he's avoiding Valerie; trying to get away from being roped into being an Avenger again, but he's barely processed all that - he just needs to know you're okay.
You pride yourself on your independence. Don't let anyone in too close, and save yourself the disappointment. That's largely why your relationship with Bucky broke down - you both needed your independence to feel in control for once in your lives, which only led to distance growing between you. It wasn't as though you were in an official relationship, anyway, but it definitely felt like an official heartbreak when it ended.
Bucky pushes the door to your apartment open. You still keep a spare key under the welcome mat, much to his dismay. There's silence throughout your home, and an overwhelming sense of nostalgia washes over him.
It looks mostly the same as he remembers it, with some new things that serve as cold reminders that this isn't his home anymore. A rug he doesn't recognize. A pair of heels by the door that he's never seen you in. The same old coffee table with the wooden legs scratched to shit, courtesy of Alpine, but with a new cover thrown over it.
Slowly, carefully, desperate not to break or damage anything, Bucky walks through the apartment. You're not in the kitchen- though you have finally got new cabinets that shut properly. You're not in the back room, but the arcade game Bucky couldn't help but spend way too much money on still is, gathering dust. When he gets to the bedroom, he knocks softly on the door.
"It's me," He announces, not wanting you to worry that a stranger broke in. "Are you here?"
No response. It's entirely possible that you're not home, but Bucky slowly opens the door, just in case.
He's about to step inside but he falters when he sees you curled up in a ball on the carpeted floor. He sucks in a breath. "Y/N. It's Bucky," He says gently, taking a few steps in. His chest tightens with pain at the sight of you. "I'm here. You awake?"
You're breathing; that much is obvious. Though he wants nothing more than to run to you and hold you in his arms, touching you probably isn't the best idea right now. He knows what you would've seen in the Void. He knows how real it would've felt.
So instead, he leaves the room and goes to the kitchen. Brews you a cup of your favorite tea and brings it into your bedroom, hoping the smell will help to ground you in reality. He turns on the TV and puts on your comfort show, or at least what your comfort show was three years ago, at a low volume so as not to startle you.
Then, Bucky sits opposite you on the floor, not too close, but close enough so you can hear his whispers.
"I'm here," He utters lowly. "You're safe. Nothing and nobody can hurt you. I'm here with you. I got you, snow pea."
The nickname makes you flinch subtly, enough movement for him to notice. Slowly, you tilt your head which is currently being hidden by your arms, and peak one eye out through the strands of your hair. Your gaze is panicked when it lands on Bucky, before slightly softening.
"Hey, snow," Bucky says, offering you a small smile. "It's me. It's all over, I promise you."
You suck in a shaky breath. Slowly, you move your head a little more, so half of your face is exposed to him. "Jamie?"
"That's right," He says with a nod. "I'm here. You're home. You're safe."
With a deep breath, you push yourself up, leaning back against your bed and pulling your knees up to your chest. "What the fuck was that?" You ask lowly.
"Ah... it's hard to explain," He says. "But it's over."
You nod, fiddling with your thumbs. "I... how do I know I'm not still there?" You wonder out loud. "That this isn't just another room?"
"I can promise you that it's not," Bucky assures you.
Tentatively, you reach your arm out. He carefully takes your hand in his metal one and holds it. You flinch as if bracing for something that doesn't come. And when it doesn't, you visibly relax, letting out a deep sigh.
"I thought... I thought I died and went to hell," You admit to him. "Thought I'd be stuck in that loop forever."
Bucky elects to move closer to you, shuffling forward.
"I felt like a child again," You go on to say. "Just... weak, and pathetic, and powerless against him."
"I've got you now, snow pea," He says firmly. "Nobody is ever going to hurt you like that again. I won't ever let them."
"How come you're here?" You ask in a small voice.
"Wanted to check on you," He tells you honestly. "I... I was in it, too. Everyone, in fact. The whole of New York. And when I came out, the first and only thing I could think of was whether you were okay. I prayed you were out of town for work so you wouldn't have had to go through that. I'm sorry, snow pea."
With furrowed brows, you slowly crawl over to him and wrap your arms around him. He holds you tightly, and you realize just how much you missed him physically as well as emotionally. His strong, firm grip always made you feel so safe and protected, and it's exactly what you need right now.
"Thank you for coming," You whimper against his neck.
"I'll always be here for you, snow," He vows, rubbing your back. "No matter what happens. No matter how far away you might be. How much time it's been. Whenever you need me, wherever you are, whether that's in hell itself... I'll find you."
You hold him tighter, practically on his lap as you take in the familiar smell of his aftershave. His hair's longer than it was the day he walked out, but just as soft as you remember it.
Pulling back so you can look at his face, you scan his features, looking for proof that he isn't your Bucky. But there's nothing different about the way he looks at you. The way his eyes melt into yours. Leaning up, you gently kiss his lips. He kisses you back softly as though he's afraid to break you. His hands are on your waist but his touch is feather-like. It isn't until you deepen the kiss that he grips you tighter, falling into old habits as your tongues clash.
When you pull away, he brings up one of his hands to your face, cupping your cheek.
"Are you okay?" You ask him, feeling guilty for not having asked earlier.
"I'm okay," He assures you with a smile.
"Really? It can't have been easy," You say with a frown, knowing what he would've seen.
"It wasn't. But I'm here with you, now," Bucky says softly. "So I'm more okay than I have been in three years."
You wince at the mention of how long you've been apart, because now, as you sit on his lap with your arms around him, it feels like it's been no time at all.
"Jamie?" You utter.
"Yes, snow pea?" He replies, stroking your bottom lip with his thumb.
"Will you stay over tonight?" You request in a small voice.
"I'll stay as long as you need me to," He promises. "Have you still got that blow-up mattress?"
You give him a flat look.
"What?" He asks with a chuckle.
"There is no way you're sleeping on a blow-up mattress, Barnes," You say with an eye-roll.
"Fine. The couch, then?" He asks, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
"Shut up," You grumble, hitting his chest. "We have a lot to catch up on so you should probably sleep in here with me."
"A lot to catch up on," He agrees with a hum. "I think you're right."
Your fingers entwine with his, your chest against his, the beating of his heart calming yours. Though you still feel wounded from what you went through in the Void, this time, you know you'll survive.
"I've got you, baby," Bucky mumbles, his smooth voice wrapping around you like a warm embrace. "I always will."
ughhhhh a tight warm bucky hug is exactly what i need rn </3
bucky masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
imagine bucky having a really bad day, like maybe business went wrong and it’s causing a lot of stress and problems, then he takes it out on fairy 😱 how would she react?
this probably isn't what you'd expect but
a man's place
18+
Bucky's having a bad day. He makes the mistake of taking it out on you.
Warning: Mob!Bucky x Wife!Reader, mature themes, arguing, angry!bucky, bucky is an asshole, physical violence (not from bucky!), brief mention of abuse.
Series Masterlist
Seventeen million dollars.
Seventeen million dollars just got flushed down the toilet because of an avoidable mistake. Because of an over-sensitive arms dealer that got offended at a joke one of Bucky's men made.
Bucky's pissed. He feels as pathetic as he probably looks, lying on the couch in his office with a bottle of whisky held to his chest. He's yelled at everyone in sight today, making sure they all know how incompetent they are.
But they're only a reflection of his leadership.
Today marks thirteen years since his father died. Thirteen years since he was forced into a position of power that no teenager should have been burdened with. And all that Bucky feels is the heavy weight of disappointment.
He will never live up to the name George left behind. He's a failure. Destroying the legacy that generations of Barnes men and women put into place. His empire is falling apart at the seams, and Bucky fears he doesn't have the strength to keep it together.
Deciding his mindset won't lead to any productivity today, he goes home. Seeing his men just makes him even angrier.
The drive home does nothing to dissipate his anger. When he gets there, he still can't shake off his frustration from today. Usually, his stress melts off the second he enters the home he shares with you, but the events of today are too heavy for him to drop.
You're in the kitchen when you hear him come home, and you're surprised when he doesn't call out to you straight away. You decide to give him some space. Maybe he's tired.
When he goes straight upstairs without looking for you downstairs first, you know something's off.
Patiently, you wait for him to return downstairs, not wanting to push him if he's seeking alone time. You know he's been feeling on edge recently with George's death anniversary fast approaching, and he needs to process his nuanced grief in his own way.
When you hear him go into the lounge, you walk in, refusing to leave him alone any longer. You walk in to see him sitting on the couch with a glass of whisky and his laptop on his lap.
"Hey, you," You greet him, expecting him to start complaining about his day and asking you to make it better.
He grunts.
That's it. That's all you get back.
"Shit, okay," You utter, not impressed by his blatant disrespect. "Dinner's gonna be ready in ten; I used the rest of the chicken to make enchiladas."
"Not hungry," He utters bluntly while typing on the keyboard.
Alright. You understand he can get into a bad mood sometimes and it's a tough time for him, but by now, he knows better than to take it out on you.
"You could at least look at me when I'm talking to you," You tell him sternly, patient no more.
"I'm busy, alright?" He spits harshly, taking you aback.
"Who the actual fuck do you think you're talking to, right now?" You ask him with a glare, appalled by his tone.
He slams his laptop shut and gets up to his feet. "Can you just leave me alone?" He seethes.
You see red. "Are you fucking kidding me?" You ask, storming over to him.
"Leave me alone, Y/N," He demands, using your real name for the first time in a long, long time. "I don't have time for your shit today, alright?"
"Don't be such a cunt," You yell, infuriated by the way he's talking to you.
Bucky takes a step closer to you, his eyes filled with fury. "Watch your fucking mouth, and get out of my sight, now," He yells back at you, stepping even closer as if he could ever intimidate you- as if you could ever believe he'd hit you.
It seems he's forgotten who you are to him. Who you are, full stop. So, you set out to remind him
You kick him in the balls.
He keels over with a groan immediately, falling to his knees at your feet. His cheeks flush pink as he falls onto his side, clutching his crotch with both hands like a pathetic piece of shit.
"Don't you ever speak to me like that, you fucking prick," You spit as you glare down at him. "I am your equal. You do not talk down to me or treat me like I am subordinate."
He blows out air through his gritted teeth, looking up at you. "Fa- fairy, I'm sorry."
"You may be the big bad Barnes out there, but in here, you are my husband. Remember that," You state frankly. "You do not intimidate me. I'm not a fucking punching bag."
"I am so sorry," Bucky says, as he slowly gets onto his knees. "Fairy, you know that it would never go that far. I would never lay a hand on you. No matter how angry I get."
"Maybe you've been thinking about your dad a lot recently, and you're trying to be more like him," You say coldly. "But it is not a man's place to disrespect his wife the way you just did."
"You're right," He says, looking up at you with wide eyes. "I fucked up. I shouldn't have-"
"I don't wanna hear it," You cut him off, taking a step back. "I'm going to Banita's. I'll be back when I want to be back."
"No, don't leave," Bucky begs you, shaking his head.
"Goodbye, James," You utter bluntly, before leaving the room.
don't mess with fairy >:-[
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
Bucky Barnes despises you. You're the bane of his life, and the source of every problem he has. But he'd be damned if someone else tried to hurt you - hatin' you is his job, and his job alone.
Content Warning: Bucky x NEWAvenger!F!Reader, mature themes, enemies to fuckers, mention of violence, injury, blood, mention of death, manhandling, smut (choking, penetrative sex, hate fucking, degradation kink, mean!dom!bucky).
a/n: just watched thunderbolts and immediately had to do this. bucky i missed you. call me. please
a/n part deux: doctor bong is a real marvel comics character i did not make him up just had to put him in something because he's incredible and i need him in the mcu like YESTERDAY
You stumble into the rec room, in desperate need of the soft, plush couch. Limping your way over to it, you crash down and let out a loud sigh, grateful for its comfort.
"Fuck happened to you?" Bucky asks from the armchair where he's reading a book. "You somehow look worse than usual."
"You should've seen her an hour ago," Bob says with wide eyes as he stumbles into the room, hot on your trail. "Buckets of blood - and I mean buckets-"
"Alright, Robert, don't remind me," You groan, waving your hand as you shut your eyes. "That was so fuckin' embarrassing."
"Just another day in the life, then," Bucky comments bitterly, putting down his book.
"Practically a civilian," You utter to yourself, staring at the ceiling, in shock at your own incompetence.
"Doctor Bong is not just a civilian; he's a menace!" Bob exclaims, pacing the floor. "And he was specifically targeting you because of how awesome you were when he almost destroyed Lower Manhattan last week!"
"Bong? That guy with the homemade suit?" Bucky asks, frowning. "I thought he got locked up."
"He had a man on the inside," Bob informs him. "One of the prison guards helped Bong escape, and he caught Y/N alone today-"
"Let me guess: he beat her ass and managed to escape, again?" Bucky cuts him off with a raised brow before snorting. "You know you aren't allowed outside alone anymore, Y/N. The wind might blow too hard and knock you over."
His patronizing tone pisses you off to no extent as you sit up and glare at him. "Fuck you, Barnes," You hiss.
"You wish you could," He sings with a smirk.
"Dr. Griesz said you should be back to yourself in a couple of hours; your serum doesn't make you as fast-healing as the soldiers'," Bob says, walking over to and kneeling on the floor next to the couch. "Don't beat yourself up about it, ma'am. I saw you fighting - you were amazing."
"Robert, please," You mumble, shaking your head. "Just leave me alone. I need a nap."
With a nod, he gets up and leaves the room after gently patting your shoulder - and the sudden silence makes you realize that Bucky is gone, too.
Finally. Some peace and quiet.
A few days later, you're on your way to one of the meeting rooms and humming a tune to yourself when you spot Ava talking to Bucky. Ava looks furious as she rants, glaring at Bucky who looks like he couldn't be less bothered about whatever it is he's being reprimanded for.
"I did you all a favor, didn't I?" Bucky says casually. "If anything, you should be thanking me right now. One less asshole on the streets."
"This is exactly how not to handle shit," Ava grumbles. "You almost caused an innocent civilian's death."
"I knew he'd be fine," Bucky hisses. "I dont need you micromanaging me."
"You're part of a team now, Barnes, and that means your actions reflect on us," Ava says. "What you did was reckless and could've hurt a lot of people. Don't do stupid shit like that. Ever."
With a huff, Bucky spins on his heel and storms away in your direction. When he sees you, he rolls his eyes before shoving past you, making you turn and chase after him.
"What was that about?" You wonder, speed-walking so you can keep up with him.
"Fuck off," He mutters, turning into one of the mission prep rooms. While he takes off his tactical gear, you notice the dried blood and bruises on his face.
"You haven't been fighting civs again, have you?" You ask with a smirk as you lean against the wall.
He pulls off his shirt with a huff. "Matter of fact, I have," He admits lowly, before bitterly adding, "N'you oughta be grateful."
"Grateful for what?" You question him with a frown, parting your lips when you see his sweaty abs. Grateful for the view, most definitely.
It's incredibly annoying that, as incredibly annoying as Bucky is, he's also incredibly attractive. In fact, when you first met, you were ready to ask him to take you home, until he gave you one look and decided you weren't good enough for his respect. Ever since then, you've hated one another.
He looks up from his boots at you, clenching his jaw. "For getting rid of your little buddy, Bong," He reveals, taking a few steps towards you.
You're taken aback by his words and you stand up straight. "What do you mean?" You question him lowly. "You-"
"Killed him," He tells you bluntly. "I didn't give him another chance to escape from prison, and I sure as heck didn't give him a chance to beat another Avenger. I killed him."
Entirely surprised, you raise a brow. "Why would you do that?" You ask. "He was my mission."
"And you were failing miserably," He points out dryly, taking a few steps closer to you. "He knew you were onto him, so he targeted you. You know what they found in his house? A detailed itinerary dedicated to your death. He hated your guts, Y/N, and so I ended his life," Bucky relays casually, moving closer until you're forced to step back and hit the wall. He then leans down, lowering his voice to a grumble. "'Cuz hatin' you is my job, and my job alone."
Speechless, you keep your eyes on his.
"And if anyone's gonna kill you," He goes on to say, wrapping his metal hand around your throat. "It's gonna be me."
Instinctively, your legs squeeze together as he restricts your breath, making your heart skip a beat. Knowing you're almost as strong as him, Bucky also knows he can go hard on you without actually hurting you, and it turns you on to no end when he uses his strength against you. He notices your bodily reaction and raises a brow.
"Seriously?" He asks with a scoff. "You're turned on?"
"Fuck you," You hiss through gritted teeth, hating how badly your body is betraying you right now. Get your shit together.
Bucky chuckles darkly, bringing his free hand up to your cheek. "Mmm, I bet you want to," He mutters teasingly. "You getting wet for me?"
When he brings his knees between your legs, rubbing it against your mound, you shudder. "You- you wish," You manage to say, cringing at your weakened voice.
He smirks, knowing he has total control in this moment. It isn't often that he feels powerful when you're in the room, so he soaks it in and decides to use it while he still can.
"Beg for it," He orders simply, his tone blunt and unforgiving.
Swallowing thickly, you meet his eyes. "What are you-"
"Beg me to fuck you," He elaborates, tilting his head with a wicked look. "You know it's what you want. What you need."
"Go to hell," You say through gritted teeth. "I'd rather die than let you touch me."
Bucky begins to move his knee, rubbing it against your cunt. You suck in a sharp breath as your stomach flips. For a few moments, your mind goes blank and all you can focus on is him - but then you gather yourself and do your best to push him away, making him step back. He's quick to retaliate, grabbing you by your hair before spinning you around and slamming your face against the wall. You let out a whimper just as you feel his crotch pressing to your ass.
"Say it," He whispers in your ear. "Just a few simple words, and you'll get what you want. What you were made for. All you're good for."
"Fuck. You," You seethe through gritted teeth.
After a few seconds, Bucky lets out a dark chuckle. "Good enough for me," He mutters before suddenly ripping apart your tactical pants.
You give up trying to fight back when you feel his hard cock brush against your thigh. He brings it to your whimpering, soaking pussy, rubbing the tip through your folds and keeping it in place as it finds your clit.
Your entire body is set alight as he rubs your clit with his cock, your fingers and toes going numb. Bucky rests his chin on your shoulder as he covers his dick in your juices, deep sighs leaving his nose.
"I wanna hear the special word," He utters teasingly into your ear. "Want you to beg me."
A shaky breath leaves your mouth as your hands clench into fists. Even in your desperate state, your pride prevails. "Never," You whisper.
"Alright then," Bucky replies casually, not giving you any hints as to what his next move may be.
He wraps his hand around the base of his cock and starts stroking it where it is, brushing against your pussy every so often. Your breath is stolen and your eyes wide. His grunts and groans make your stomach flip.
"Don't worry baby," He mumbles. "When I'm done, I'll make sure every drop of my cum coats your wet little pussy. Then you can go ahead and finger it into your hole, and hope it feels as good as my thick cock would."
You're shaking like a leaf beneath him, losing every last drop of willpower. Shit.
"Is that what you want?" Bucky asks you gruffly. "Or would you rather I fuck your brains out and fill you up myself?" The wetness from your pussy drips onto his cock which is already wet with pre-cum. You can hear the smirk in his voice. "Promise I'll get much deeper than your fingers, baby."
With a hiss, you choke out the word he's longing for; the word you'd have rather died than uttered.
"Please."
"Oh, no, no," He tuts, slapping his cock against your pussy. "You're going to have to do much better than that, baby. See, you've done nothing but disrespect me for six months now, and it's gonna take a lot more than a half-assed plead to earn my cock."
For fuck's sake. With a deep sigh, you swallow your pride and what's left of your dignity. "Bucky, please," You repeat with a little more sincerity.
"And...?" He goads you.
"And... I'm sorry. For being disrespectful," You continue, falling into submission, each word stinging a little less. "I hope you'll forgive me."
Bucky spins you around and takes your chin in his metal hand, holding it firmly in place. "Keep going," He orders you bluntly, still stroking himself while you reduce yourself to nothing for him.
"I... I know I'm not worth your time," You say, gradually allowing yourself to submit entirely. "I'm beneath you. I'm nothing. But please, just give me a chance to prove my worth. Please use my body. It's yours, Sergeant Barnes. To do with what you may."
His eyes flicker with wicked delight. Without warning, he lifts up one your legs and wraps it around his waist before pushing his cock into you. You throw your head back as you feel him fill you up, every inch making you shudder.
"Now, that's a good girl," He says as he bottoms out. "See? You're so much better behaved like this. Full of cock. Taking it, like the good slut you are."
Your eyes roll back as he starts fucking you hard. When you half-heartedly agreed to helping Yelena out with a recon mission months ago, you never thought it would lead to you getting your world rocked by the Winter Soldier.
But you're so fucking glad it did.
"That's it, fuck, you're so tight," He grunts, snapping his hips faster. "This is all you needed, huh? Just needed a good railing to shut that smart mouth of yours?"
Unintelligible whines escape your lips as he lifts you up, wrapping both your legs around him and pistoning his cock in and out you, keeping you in the air like you weigh nothing. Your arms wrap around his shoulders and your right hand moves up to his hair, grabbing a fistful of it and pulling it, making him hiss. He spanks your ass, once, twice, three times, each one pulling a squeal from your throat.
Suddenly, he pulls you off his cock and throws you to the ground, before mounting you from behind as he pushes you down onto your hands and knees. His cock gets much deeper into you at this angle, making your thighs shake.
"Such a fucking brat, always talking back," Bucky rants. "Always got something to say. How about now, huh? Cat got your tongue?"
As hard as you try, you can't get a single word out, nothing but sounds of pleasure and desperation leaving your mouth.
"Getting fucked stupid, just like the slut you are," He grunts, tightly gripping your hips and surely leaving bruises. "If I knew this was all it would take to shut you up, I'd have fucked you the day we met. And I bet you'd have been more than willing, huh? Willingly let a stranger fuck you, like a whore. I know you wanted it. I saw the look in your eyes. Fuck, maybe I should've. The past six months would've been a lot easier if I knew I could just fill your holes to keep you obedient."
Your eyes roll back as his words echo in your mind, driving you insane.
"I bet I could've fucked your face that night, right?" He wonders out loud with a dark laugh. "You'd have let me. You desperate little thing, doing anything for my attention. But instead of being a good girl, you got an attitude. So now, I gotta fuck it out of you until you know how to behave again. Shit, are you about to cum? Tightening around me like a fuckin' vice."
You suck in a sharp breath and hold it in as you feel your climax approach, pouring over your body like ice-cold water.
"Keep breathing, baby, breathe through it," Bucky mumbles into your ear as he continues fucking you. "That's it. Nice, deep breaths. Let it take over. Cum."
Your entire body shudders underneath him and for a few moments, all you see is white. You can't hear anything but your own heartbeat as you orgasm, pure, unbridled pleasure coursing through your body.
As you come back down, his voice comes back into focus. He's groaning, moaning your name as he empties his balls into you. "Oh, fuck, baby, good girl, that's my good girl," He mumbles weakly, his thrusts gradually slowing down.
You lay on the ground, breathing deeply, wincing when he pulls out.
"Oh, shit," Bucky breathes out with a sigh as he gets off of you, before taking hold of your shoulder and turning you over onto your back. He then takes your hand and pulls you up onto your feet. You immediately stumble so he grabs onto you, his lips curling up into a smirk.
"Don't give me that fucking look," You mutter bitterly.
"Aaaaaand there she is," He responds with an eye-roll. "That good-girl behavior didn't stick, huh?"
"Oh, Barnes," You sigh, patting his chest. "You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you want me to be a good girl full-time."
He clenches his jaw while you gather your wits and stroll out of the room, thankfully able to hide your limp. With his hands in fists, he glares at your back. "Fuckin' tease."
eek first thunderbolts* fic <3 hope u enjoyed
bucky masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
you're not the most innocent girl on campus, and everyone knows it - and when you overhear bucky's friends talking shit, you can't help but wonder if you deserve to be with him.
warning: frat!bucky x f!reader, mature themes, slut shaming, insecure!reader, angst, physical violence, protective!bucky, hurt/comfort, fluff.
a/n: this isn't the super long tower fic i've promised you or even the fwb!bucky i mentioned but instead a secret third thing.
this is dedicated to shawn mendes. i don't care much for you or your music, shawn, but my friend dragged me to your concert and. you brought niall fucking horan out and i genuinely couldn't stop crying so. thanks for that experience and this is named after and slightly inspired by your song bad reputation
The beat is so loud you feel it in your chest, banging and throbbing and making your whole body shake. You've been drinking, but not too much - you still want to be able to go home with Bucky later on.
Just as you think about him, you see him, standing on the other side of the room. Steve's saying something to him but he doesn't seem to be listening, just staring as you dance with your friends. This is new for you. He isn't just looking at you with lust. It's deeper than that.
"He's so in love with you!" Jane yells over the music as she grins at you. "Can you guys get married, already?"
You snort at her suggestion, not allowing your subconscious to take her seriously for even a second. You're not exactly the type to be in a real relationship, but after a few weeks of sleeping together, you and Bucky realized you wanted more. He's not your boyfriend, by any means, but you're seeing each other, and for the first time in your life, you can imagine falling in love.
"I literally don't recognize you," Belle adds with disbelief. "Like, who are you? Since when are you a lover girl, hello?"
"Chill out, you guys," You say with an eye-roll. "You've both dated plenty of people; you don't see me overreacting about it."
"Yeah, 'cause you never date, like, ever!" Belle replies. "I was beginning to think you were incapable of feelings."
"Ouch!" You yell, just as Bucky and Steve make their way over to you. While Steve shmoozes Belle and Jane, you grin up at Bucky who wraps his arm around your shoulder.
"Having fun?" He asks, bringing his lips to your ear.
"Tons," You reply. "You?"
"Always fun watching you," He says with a smirk. "Let me know when you're ready to go."
"Not yet," You say, pulling his shirt. "I've still got some dance left in me."
"No rush, baby," He mumbles, moving his hand down to your waist which he rubs. "I'm gonna go outside for a smoke."
"Might join you in a bit," You tell him.
With that, Bucky leans down and kisses you, holding your body against his.
If it wasn't so enjoyable kissing him, you'd pull away as soon as Belle and Jane started screaming, but instead you stick your tongue down his throat while they cheer you on.
He pulls away with a smug grin while you just roll your eyes. "Love the enthusiasm, guys," He says to Belle and Jane before giving your ass a squeeze and making his way to the kitchen with Steve.
Before the girls can gush, you give them a glare. "I don't wanna hear it," You say sternly.
It looks like it physically pains them not to scream about how cute you and Bucky are together, but they manage to hold it in. The three of you continue dancing and drinking, until it gets to that point of the night where you'd appreciate nothing more than your warm bed.
You tell the girls you're planning to find Bucky and leave before you wander through the house, assuming he's come back inside by now. It isn't as big as the frat house Bucky lives in, but it's still just as confusing to navigate when you're half drunk and the only source of light are strings of tiny LED bulbs on the ceilings.
When you spot Jared, one of Bucky's frat brothers, head into a side room, you make your way over, thinking Bucky is likely in there with his friends. Just as you're about to walk in, though, you hear your name being said, and you can't help but eavesdrop.
"Y/N, though? Seriously?" One of them says, and it sounds like Devon. Though their voices are slightly muffled, you can still tell who's talking.
"I don't know, man, he seems to really like her," Jack chimes in.
They're talking about you and Bucky.
"That's fucking crazy," Jared says while laughing heartily. "I mean, this is Y/N we're talking about here."
"Since when does Bucky go for girls like that, though?" Hunter asks incredulously. "Like, out of fucking nowhere, too."
"I thought he just fucked her that first time to see what all the hype was about," Mason says with a snort.
"Yeah, then the idiot fell in love," Devon replies.
"How the fuck do you catch feelings for someone who's fucked all your friends?"
You feel sick to your stomach.
The boys burst into laughter, and you could swear you even hear some high-fives.
"Nah, Bucky's fucked it," Jack says between laughs. "He's giving a whore the girlfriend treatment. He's lost his damn mind. The bitch is ran-through."
"Man, I'm sure I've still got videos from when I fucked her."
With that, you spin on your heel and speed away, your heart pounding so hard you think it might burst out of your chest. And you're not sure you'd mind if it did.
In desperate need of a drink, you make your way to the kitchen. When you get there, though, all you can do is stand at the island, numb. There are a few people taking up space, including Steve who's standing by the back door, talking to a girl.
"Woah, are you high?" Brock asks you with a smug look on his face. "You look fucked."
"Go away," You can just about find the energy to whisper.
"Aw, don't be like that," He whines, snaking his arm around your waist. "C'mon, you used to be fun, before Barnes locked you down. Wanna go find somewhere quiet?"
"No, thank you," You grumble through gritted teeth before pulling out of his grip and storming out the back door, past Steve who looks concerned when he sees the look on your face, and then confused when he sees Brock hot on your trail.
The fresh air feels soothing on your face as you step out into the yard, finding a quiet spot by the fence that's untouched by anyone's vape smoke.
"Y/N, come on," Brock calls out as he strides over, holding out his arms. "You can't seriously be avoiding me because of Barnes."
"It's not because of him; it's because I don't want anything to do with you," You reply curtly.
He sighs, resting a hand on the fence and lowering his voice. "I'm sorry, okay? Can you blame me for wanting you?" He asks, softening his voice. "You were the best fuck I ever had. Just gimme one more."
Meanwhile, Steve's also ventured out into the garden, and he makes his way to Bucky who hasn't yet seen you. Steve nudges his side before nodding towards you. "Hey," He begins. "What's going on over there?"
Bucky frowns, looking around the garden before his eyes land on you. And, more importantly, on Brock, who's getting a little close for comfort. You look obviously agitated, so Bucky hands Steve his beer before walking over.
"No means no, Brock," You spit. "I'm not in the fucking mood for your bullshit tonight."
"Since when were you such a fucking tease?" He asks with a frown, all the softness gone from his voice. "The good girl act doesn't suit you, babe, especially not in that tiny skirt. How about I take you to my car and you suck my cock, for old time's sake?" With that, he grabs your arm and pulls you closer, and before you get the chance to kick him in the balls, Bucky appears, and he's instantly grabbing Brock and punching him square in the jaw. In shock, you stand back as Bucky throws Brock to the ground and pummels him mercilessly.
Steve runs over and grabs Bucky's shoulders, pulling him off of Brock. "Alright, alright, I think that's enough," Steve says sternly, while Brock lays whimpering on the ground with a bloody face and what looks to be a broken nose.
"Fuck," You whisper, running your hands through your hair.
Though Bucky still doesn't look satisfied, one look at you makes his eyes soften, and he quickly makes his way to you. "C'mon, let's go," He says, taking your hand and walking you over to his car which is parked across the street.
Once you're both in the car, you sit in a short silence. The words his friends said race through your mind on repeat. Embarrassment and shame is all you can feel.
"Are you okay?" Bucky finally asks, breaking the silence.
You nod. "Thank you for doing that," You utter.
"Are you kidding? I've been waiting years for an excuse to beat that asshole up," He tells you, turning to you with a small grin.
Unable to find it in you to return his smile, you look down. "You shouldn't have had to do that. I'm sorry," You mumble, pulling on the hem of your skirt.
"The fuck do you have to be sorry for?" He asks with a frown.
You shake your head, still unable to make eye contact with him. Your voice is low, unenergised, defeated. "I... I'm not exactly a blank canvas, Buck. I'm not some innocent, pure, untouched thing. The past doesn't just cancel out now that I'm with you, it... it'll always be a part of me," You say, fiddling with the leather on the gear stick.
"Hey, now," Bucky begins, placing his hand on top of yours. "I already know full well you're the only person whose body count could rival mine."
You snort, looking up at him.
"I'm not pure or innocent either, so why would I ever expect or demand you to be?" He asks you, his brows furrowing. "I like you a lot, Y/N. I couldn't give a fuck about your past."
You wince, feeling your eyes start to sting. "I- I've slept with your friends," You remind him.
"And? I'm pretty sure I fooled around with Belle in freshman year," He retorts with a shrug.
"It's not the same," You claim, shaking your head.
"Why isn't it?" He challenges you, squeezing your hand.
The tears gathering in your eyes finally spill over.
Bucky cups your face, concern in his eyes as he strokes your cheeks with his thumbs. "What's wrong, baby? Where's this coming from, hmm? We both know we've been around in the past."
With a sniffle, you look away from his eyes. "I... I overheard your friends talking," You tell him, feeling your stomach flip.
"Saying what?" Bucky asks lowly, his face falling.
"Uh, I was looking for you just now," You begin. "I heard them talking about me, and I got curious so I listened. They were... saying I'm not your usual type, questioning why you're with me when you know what I'm like, and..." You trail off, not sure if you can repeat the rest.
"And?" Bucky presses, one of his hands moving to the back of your neck which he gently holds.
Deciding it's best to keep the gory details to yourself, you shake your head. "Nothing," You mumble, hoping he'll drop it but knowing better than to expect he will.
"Tell me," Bucky insists lowly.
"I don't wanna say it," You whisper. "Don't want you to hear it."
"Whatever it is, I promise you it will have no impact on my feelings for you," He tells you firmly. "Tell me exactly what they said."
So, you do. Wincing and cringing, you tell him the exact words they used, unable to look at his face to see his reaction.
You stare out the windscreen, at the dark sky, letting Bucky process what you've told him in silence. You feel awful. What if he agrees with them? What if he realizes they're right and he doesn't want anything to do with you?
His right hand is still around the back of your neck, the other is clenched into a fist on his thigh. After a gut-wrenching minute, he finally speaks.
"Was Steve in that room?" He asks, his voice gravelly.
"No," You answer quickly. "Steve- I saw him straight after in the kitchen."
Bucky nods. Then he opens the door and leaves the car.
You race to jump out the car and rush around it, following him back towards the house. "Bucky, stop!" You call out desperately. The last thing you want is for him to get into another fight.
He continues walking, ignoring you.
"Come back, Bucky!" You yell, getting the attention of a few people in the backyard. "If you respect me at all, you will stop, right now."
That finally gets him to stand still. He turns to you while you catch up to him, pure rage on his face.
"Please don't say anything to them," You beseech him, feeling nauseous again.
His eyes are dark. "I don't plan on saying much," He utters.
"Bucky, please, you've been in enough fights for one night," You say, feeling your eyes sting for the second time tonight. "Please."
He says nothing, hands still in fists at his side.
You take in a shaky breath, your voice no louder than a whimper. "I just... I just wanna go home. I don't wanna be here anymore," You manage to get out before the tears begin to stream.
Bucky lets out a sigh, his features softening as he takes a few steps closer to you and wipes your wet cheeks. "Okay. Okay, baby, let's go home," He says gently, and you know it's taking all his will-power not to storm into the house.
In relief, you nod. "Thank you," You whisper, taking his hand in yours.
He swallows, before glancing back. "Let me just go get my phone from Steve," He says casually, but you're not buying it.
You give him a flat look.
"Seriously, he has my phone," Bucky insists, and you know he isn't lying about that. "Look, he's only in the kitchen. I'll be in and out in fifteen seconds."
Taking in a deep breath, you release his hand. "If you see any of them, please don't say or do anything," You say sternly.
"Okay," He replies, taking your hand back and kissing it.
"Promise?" You question with a raised brow.
He lets out a soft laugh. "I promise. Now, get back in the car, and I'll be back before you can even put your seatbelt on," Bucky claims, giving your hand one last kiss before turning to the house.
Six minutes pass before he re-enters the car.
He sits down and starts the car without a word. His knuckles are even more bruised than before.
You turn to face him with an expectant look. He doesn't look at you. You release a sigh, and place your hand on top of his on the gear stick. "Take me home, Bucky," You mumble.
Leaning across to you, he gently kisses your lips, before doing exactly that.
bucky masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
Hi!!! I'm absolutely in love with your Bucky and Fairy series!!!! I think your an awesome writer❤️. I was wondering if you could write a story about Fairy being worried of Bucky cheating after they're married since he was such a player. And Bucky swears to her that he has eyes for no one else now but her.
love it let's go
forever faithful
18+
he wouldn't. he couldn't. bucky is entirely incapable of hurting you - especially in that way. isn't he?
content warning: mob!bucky x wife!reader, mature themes, insecure thoughts, angst, mention of cheating, misunderstanding trope, hurt/comfort, fluff. also this is pretty long by my standards!!
Series Masterlist
Being married to Bucky usually feels like the most natural thing in the world, but there are times when you feel a little out of your depth. One of those times being when he brings you to parties. You're still not quite used to being the Queen of New York and having all the power that title brings, especially not when you've been on Bucky's arm for years now - but people are finally starting to actually respect you rather than brush you off as just another one of his girls.
The main thing that's changed is how much more comfortable the women are around you. Now that your relationship with Bucky is legitimate, and the possibility of you being a mistress planning on seducing their husbands has significantly lowered, they are much warmer to you.
"Take advantage of this time - you're still in the honeymoon phase, meaning he'll do anything you ask," Giselda tells you with a wistful look. "It wears off quick."
"Don't scare her, Selda," Fran scolds her lightly. "You sound like a bitter, old lady."
"I am a bitter, old lady!" Giselda retorts with a dry laugh, before turning her attention back to you. "Don't take this part for granted. Before the kids, and the stress, and the late nights he'll spend at another woman's house-"
"Selda!" Fran cuts in with a glare. "That's enough."
You take no mind. Deep down, you know they could never understand just how deeply you and Bucky feel for each other. They don't realize how your relationship is stronger than they could fathom, built on the foundation of friendship and blossoming with each passing day. He isn't capable of betraying you.
But doubt has an ugly way of creeping in when it's not welcome.
"Who's she?" You ask Sam with a raised brow as you nod towards where Bucky's speaking warmly with a woman you don't recognize. She looks around fifteen years older than you and Bucky, and she's admittedly gorgeous.
Sam looks across the bar and seems surprised when he sees her. "Oh. That is, uh, an old friend of his. A very old friend; I haven't seen or heard about her since before he met you," He tells you.
"I see," You utter, trying not to let the irritation seep into your tone as they laugh together.
You're not a jealous wife - at least, you didn't think you'd be. Back when you were only friends, you would get horrifically jealous, but that was because you were so scared of losing him to someone else. Now, though, there's a ring on his finger signifying to the world that he's yours, and you're entirely secure in your marriage.
But something about her and the way she's looking at him irks you.
"Did they fuck?" You ask Sam, throwing casual out the window.
He lifts up his drink. "No," He tells you. "Not to my knowledge, anyway."
You turn to him and raise a brow.
"They didn't," He doubles down more firmly. "Agatha helped us out when we were in trouble a few years ago. Sure, they flirted, but you know him. He'd flirt with a brick wall. Nothing ever happened between them."
That brings you solace - until you recount the whole story to your nail woman.
"Oh, no. Oh, no, no," Josefina utters, shaking her head.
"What?" You ask with a frown.
"They haven't slept together," She says gravely, looking up at you as she files your nails. "Means they'll be still be curious as to what it would be like."
"Jamie doesn't waste his time thinking about what sex would be like with other women," You tell her curtly.
"All men think about is what sex will be like with every woman they encounter, whether they're happily married or not- it's only natural," She claims. "But when the women in question are thinking the same thing, that's the danger zone. Who is this woman, what's the history?"
"She's in the same line of work as him, to my knowledge," You tell her. "Helped Jamie almost a decade ago, and now she's resurfaced out of nowhere."
Josefina nods slowly before looking back down at your nails. "I'll file these into claws, just in case."
The first time Bucky lies to your face is on a late Thursday night.
"You shouldn't have waited up for me, fairy," He says as he wraps his arms around you.
"I didn't wanna eat without you," You tell him honestly as you take a bite from the bowl of pasta you're sharing.
"Missed you today," He mumbles against your forehead before opening his mouth to let you feed him.
"Missed you more," You say before turning to him. "How was your day?"
"Uh, it was fine," He replies with his eyes on the food. "Just been balancing the books with Alex and Sam. Took a little longer than I expected."
Your blood runs cold. Just an hour ago, Sam dropped by to see you. He didn't mention anything about being with Bucky tonight - in fact, he seemed surprised to hear Bucky wasn't home.
"Oh, Aggie? She's helping us get into Chicago," He tells you casually. "She's got good connections there, and you know how I've always wanted Chicago."
You can't help but be straight up with him - he may be able to lie to your face, but you can't hold back when there's something you want to know. "Who's that woman?" You ask him curtly. "She seems to be at the bar quite a bit."
Aggie. Your eye twitches at the nickname that leaves his mouth so easily. Does he think about fucking her? Was he with her tonight?
"What are you giving her in return?" You ask him curiously.
"She's a good friend; she hasn't asked for anything," Bucky explains before taking another bite. "I'm sure there'll be an opportunity for me to help her out in the future, though. Heck, by now, I must owe her a hundred favors."
"She seems nice," You say with as much sincerity as you can muster. "I'd like to properly meet her."
You almost regret telling him that.
The next day, you're checking the stock in one of the warehouses when he shows up with her. The idea of her sitting in his passenger seat, where you'd usually sit, makes your stomach churn.
Stop it. You trust him.
"Fairy, this is Agatha Harkness," He says with a smile. "Aggie, this is my beautiful wife, Y/N."
"I've heard so much about you," She tells you with a smile as she holds her hand out to you. "The fact that you tamed James must mean you're an incredible woman. I'm in awe of you."
Oh, it's James now?
You take in a deep breath and do well to shake her hand rather than claw her eyes out. Fucking James.
Somehow, you manage to force a smile. "Can't say I've heard anything about you, Agatha," You can't help but say.
She shoots him a smirk. "I don't blame him; there's not really much to say."
"You're being modest," Bucky says with a chuckle before looking over to you. "Aggie is very good at what she does. She could sell a machine gun to the Dalai Lama."
Your hand slips into his, subconsciously staking your claim.
"I met James when he was only seventeen," She tells you with a smile. "He's grown into such a handsome young man - but I'm not surprised. He's always been gorgeous."
Inwardly cringing as you try to mentally work out how old she must've been back then, you squeeze Bucky's hand. He gives you a cheeky wink, one that would usually elicit a giggle from you, but you can't help but feel ill.
The first time you imagine them fucking, you're disgusted with yourself.
"What's wrong, fairy?" Bucky asks you between heavy breaths while you scramble to sit on the edge of the bed.
You shake your head, trying desperately to get the image out of your head. Think about rainbows. Butterflies. Puppies.
"Baby, talk to me," He mumbles, gently rubbing your back. "Everything okay?"
It happened against your will - you didn't want to think about Bucky having sex with another woman. But as you were riding him, as his head fell back and the groans left his mouth, you couldn't help but wonder.
How could you?
Looking over at him, into his deep blue eyes, you feel absolutely awful. How could you ever think he could hurt you in that way?
"You okay, fairy?" He mumbles softly, gently stroking your arm. "Something I can do? Need me to fuck off?"
Looking over at him, meeting his shiny eyes, you can't help but be disgusted with yourself. After seven months of marriage and nine years of friendship, you know him better than you know himself. You know his character.
"I'm okay," You find the energy to say. "Just..."
"You're alright," He says, placing a soft kiss to your cheek. He doesn't need an explanation - you want to stop having sex, and that doesn't need a reason. More than anything, he's your safe space, and he'd never push you out of your comfort zone during such an intimate moment. The bedroom is where you're both most vulnerable, and Bucky understands that sometimes, it can feel too intense, and you need a break.
And you know all this. Which is why you're so angry at yourself for doubting his loyalty, for allowing yourself to picture such a horrid scene. He wouldn't. He couldn't betray you.
You're starting to see Bucky less and less during the days, and you can't help but spiral. As you lay next to him in bed, your mind wanders to dark places.
He's on his Kindle and you're staring up at the ceiling. His arm's around your shoulder, fingers gently stroking your skin.
Why hasn't he made a move on you yet? He's usually all over you when he hasn't seen you all day. Could it be he's already been satisfied tonight?
Stop. How could you think like that?
"Fairy?" He whispers suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts. "What you thinking about, baby?"
You turn on your side to look at him. "You," Is your truthful answer.
"Yeah?" He asks with a smirk, putting away his Kindle before turning to you and resting his hand on your waist. "What about me?"
"Wondering why we aren't fucking yet," You admit simply.
He raises his brows and shuffles in closer to you. "Well, to be honest, after the other night... I thought I should give you some space. I didn't wanna push you," He tells you.
"Oh, that?" You ask with a soft laugh. "No, that was just a random blip. I want you, Jamie. Want you really bad."
"Yeah?" He asks, taking your hands and pinning them above your head, slowly nestling between your legs. "Is that right, fairy?"
"Mhm," You hum, craning your neck up, desperate to get a kiss from him.
"All you had to do was ask, pretty girl," Bucky mumbles before kissing you deeply. It feels safe, and secure, and like nothing has changed between you.
One of his hands trails down your body and between your legs, before it slips under your panties. He continues kissing you while rubbing your clit, making you whimper into his mouth.
"I missed you," You whisper as your back arches.
"I missed you too, fairy," Bucky says lowly, his hard cock digging into your thigh. Before you can beg him to fuck you, though, you hear the worst sound in the world.
His phone rings.
"Ugh, turn it off," You whine, the jarring sound going straight through you. "Why isn't it on silent mode?"
Bucky lifts his head up, his lips parted. "Shit. I've been waiting to hear back on something important," He tells you, making your blood run cold.
"James, if you answer that call, I swear to God..." You trail off, glaring at him.
"I'm sorry, fairy. Give me five minutes," He says before getting off of you and grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
You stare up at the ceiling, seething. The only thing worse than him answering a call with his fingers in your panties would be if the person on the other side was-
"Aggie, hey," He answers, making your hand twitch.
Immediately, you get off the bed and storm into the en-suite, making sure to slam the door behind you. You stare at yourself in the mirror. Have you lost it? Are you not as beautiful to him as you used to be? Is he bored of you?
There was a time when Bucky would let the city burn just so he could look at you. When the sound of his phone ringing would melt into the background if his lips were on yours. When he'd do anything just for a chance to look at you a little longer. What he just did was a betrayal of every promise he's made you. Maybe you're being dramatic, but it's he who set the precedent. Telling you nothing would ever come above you, that he'd rather die than hurt you.
When you re-enter the bedroom, he's hanging up the phone. You stare coldly at him. "How could you do that?" You ask him.
His face softens. "I'm sorry, fairy, it was-"
"I don't give a fuck what it was about, you don't do that. Not to me," You cut him off.
"Can I explain myself?" He asks, the frustration in his tone only pissing you off further.
"Shut the fuck up, don't talk to me like that," You retort, pointing your finger at him. "You're a fucking asshole. Go."
"Go?" He repeats with raised brows.
"Yeah. Get the fuck out, because you're not sleeping in here with me tonight," You tell him curtly.
It looks as though he's about to say something else, maybe even argue with you, but instead, he takes in a deep breath and leaves the room.
The next morning, you wake up just as angry as you were when you fell asleep. It was a shitty night, tossing and turning and constantly waking up, your hands reaching out for a warmth that wasn't there.
After showering and getting dressed, you head downstairs. Your plan is to be out of the house all day so you don't have to speak to Bucky, but just as you get to the kitchen to make yourself a quick drink, you're taken aback by what you see.
The island in the middle of the kitchen is covered in gift-wrapped boxes, baskets of your favorite foods and self-care items, and bouquets of flowers. You roll your eyes. It won't be that easy to win your forgiveness. You begin to walk straight over to the sink, but a familiar smell stops you in your tracks, right by the corner of the island.
Looking down, you see a platter of pastries from your favorite local bakery. You suck in a sharp breath. Ignore it. Walk away. Leave.
But they look so fresh.
Fuck it. With a huff, you grab a beignet and take a bite, your eyes fluttering shut at the softness and sweetness. While you chew, a pair of hands rest on your hips.
"I love you. I'm so, so sorry," Bucky says lowly, resting his chin on your shoulder as his arms wrap tightly around you. "I was an asshole. Shouldn't have done that to you, and I never will again."
Sighing, you turn to face him. "You think some sweet treats and flowers are gonna make me happy?" You ask him with a raised brow.
"I also got you that bracelet you've been eyeing up," He points out, resting his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry. I know saying it isn't enough but I need you to know that I mean it. I love you."
"Yeah," Is all you give him back before you continue eating the beignet.
"Let me take you to brunch, fairy, wherever you want," He requests, rubbing your hips. "And then we can go to the bar and celebrate Vinnie's 21st with the guys. What do you say?"
Looking up into his eyes, you nod. "Alright," You whisper.
His hands slip down to your ass and he leans down and kisses you softly. "You, uh... think we have time for a quickie, first?" He asks carefully.
With a scoff, you push him away. "In your fucking dreams, Barnes," You say with a glare, before taking a few steps towards the door. "Let's see how I'm feeling after brunch."
Though you weren't in the mood for sex after brunch, you did let Bucky eat you out on the way to the bar. It almost made you forget why you were ever mad at him, but when you get to the bar and see Agatha among the others, you're in a mood again.
Sam sits next to you while you watch Bucky speaking to Vinnie, likely giving him a lecture about being a man and taking on more responsibilities. Agatha lingers around them, making your fingers twitch.
"All good?" Sam asks you as he refills your glass with whisky.
"Meh," You let out, sinking back in your seat.
"What's wrong, hmm?" He presses, nudging your shoulder with his.
"Nothing; I'm being dramatic," You tell him before turning to him and lowering your voice. "Swear to me that this conversation stays between us?"
"Like every conversation we have," He replies, frowning. "What's going on?"
You let out a deep sigh. "I'm jealous," You admit, as painful as it is.
"Jealous? Of who?" He pushes incredulously.
"Alright, maybe jealous is the wrong word, because there's nothing about her I'm jealous of," You backtrack, malice seeping into your voice. "That fucking Agatha. I don't like her. Don't trust her."
Sam raises his brows and sits back, realization on his face. "Oh," He says simply, letting a short silence sit between you before he speaks again. "Her and Bucky are close."
"Yeah, no shit," You spit.
"Do you really think he'd do that to you?" Sam questions you.
"No," You answer immediately. "But I don't doubt she'd try."
"And that's all it would ever be," He assures you. "And the second she oversteps, she's out of here. Bucky wouldn't disrespect you by keeping someone like that around."
You hum, nodding slowly. He's right. Of course he's right.
"Anyway," Sam continues. "How's everything else? Your friends all good?"
Confused by his sudden interest in your girlfriends, you narrow your eyes at him. "Uh, yeah," You reply. "Why?"
"No, just making sure," He claims. "Y'know, one of yours is one of us. Gotta make sure everyone's eating good."
"They're eating good," You assure him, before his words remind you of something that makes you grin. "Banita is definitely eating good. She's finally not feeling sick anymore, and she's got all these weird pregnancy cravings, and a huge appetite."
"Oh, Banita, yeah," He breathes out. "How far along is she, now?"
"Seven months," You tell him with a smile. "It's the baby shower in a few weeks, and I'm so excited. It's gonna be so cute!"
"Are we invited?" He asks, surprising you. "Y'know, just to keep an eye on you guys, make sure you're safe."
"Uh, it's kind of like a women-only thing, and it's only a small thing at Banita's house, so no need for security guards," You explain. "But I'll bring you some leftover cake."
Sam nods. "Thanks. Appreciate it."
You sit back in your chair again, and glance over at where Bucky was talking to Vinnie. He's now talking to Agatha, much to your dismay. They're laughing.
"Like, what could they be talking about that's that funny?" You wonder out loud, shaking your head.
Sam snorts at you.
"What?" You ask him with a glare.
"It's just funny," He comments. "I remember back when Bucky would say shit like that about the guys you'd talk to. God, it was so frustrating how jealous he'd get. And he'd take it out on us whenever you had a date with someone else, so thanks for that." With a small smile, Sam looks over at you. "That man went through hell every day that you weren't his. I'd be damned if he screwed it up now that he's got you. You're too important to him, boss."
You continue looking at Bucky as he speaks to Agatha. Sam is right. You should listen to Sam. Stop letting your twisted mind overthink and drive you crazy. Bucky has more than earned your trust.
So why is he not moving her hand off his arm?
The final straw breaks you a week later.
Bucky had a long meeting with a supplier. You wanted to join him, seeing as you're trying to get more involved with the business, but he said he didn't want you there - that it might get ugly. He told you only him and Sam were going in, and it was going to be a difficult, tense conversation.
Naturally, you're concerned for him - even more so when you get a call from Sam at 10pm. Oh God. This is it. He's gonna tell you Bucky's dead.
"Hello?" You ask with a whisper.
"Hey, you," Sam replies, and it sounds like he's been drinking. "Uh, I was thinking about... what you said the other day. About Banita-"
"Sam, where are you?" You cut him off. "Are you not with James right now?"
"Huh? Nah, I'm at the bar," He tells you. "Haven't seen Buck all day."
"All day?" You repeat, your heart thudding in your chest. "But... uh, isn't he meeting with Novikov tonight?"
"What? No, that meeting isn't until next month," Sam tells you, making your blood run cold.
"Oh," You utter, feeling sick to your stomach.
"Is Bucky not home? I thought-"
"No, he- he just rolled up to the house, actually," You claim, not wanting Sam to be suspicious. "I'm just being dumb; I forgot he had gone out on an errand and mixed up the date of the meeting. But he's back now, so, mystery over."
"Oh, good," Sam replies. "Anyway, I really need to talk to you about Bani-"
"I gotta go, Sam, I'll talk to you later," You say in a hushed, rushed voice, hanging up on him and sinking to the floor of your bedroom.
Before your mind gets a chance to overthink, you quickly call Bucky. Why would he lie to you about having to work tonight? Where has he been all day?
It rings three times before he picks up.
"Hey, fairy," He answers. "Everything alright?"
"Where are you?" You ask him, giving him a chance to come clean.
Maybe he didn't mean to lie to you - maybe he mixed the date of the meeting up himself, and right now, he's about to give you a perfectly good explanation about where he is and what he's doing.
"I told you, I've got a late meeting with Novikov," He says, making your heart drop.
"Oh. With- is Sam there, too?" You ask, your voice no louder than a whisper.
"Yeah, he is," He lies straight to you.
You lean back against the bed, your breaths shaky. "Okay," You utter.
"Are you sure you're okay, fairy?" Bucky asks you.
Clinging onto your t-shirt, you part your lips in a silent scream. Yell at him. Tell him you know he's lying. Demand him to tell you the truth.
And then you hear it. It's faint, but the silence between you allows you to make out exactly what it is: the sound of a woman laughing. And you'd put money on who that woman is.
"I'm fine. I'm going to sleep," You say, numb.
"Alright. I'll probably end up staying at the office until the early morning so I might not see you until tomorrow, baby," He tells you, making your guts churn.
"Okay," You squeak. "Good night."
"Good night, fairy. I love you," Bucky says, and it sounds exactly like he's always said it.
You hang up and throw your phone at the wall before bursting into thick, ugly sobs.
Bucky gets home earlier than he thought he would. It's just past 1am when he walks through the front door, and he's surprised to hear music from the living room. He thought you would be fast asleep in bed by now.
He takes off his shoes and makes his way to the living room, expecting to see you passed out on the couch with one of your shitty reality TV shows playing, but the sight he gets is much, much different.
As he walks in, he immediately kicks over an empty bottle of wine, which makes him stop in his tracks. He sees you sitting in the middle of the carpet, wearing your wedding dress, holding another half-empty bottle of wine, with your head hung down. Your wedding video is playing on the TV.
"What is going on?" He utters, walking over to you. "Baby? Are you okay?"
You look up at him, and it looks like you've been crying for hours.
Bucky sinks to his knees and places his hands on your shoulders. "Hey, hey, fairy, it's me," He whispers. "What's going on, hmm? How come you're in your dress?"
He can tell by the look on your face that you're far too drunk to give him a reasonable answer.
"Okay, come on, let's go to bed," Bucky says, taking the wine bottle from your hands and placing it on the coffee table. He then grabs the remote from the table and turns off the TV.
"I know what you did," You suddenly say, your words slurred.
Bucky frowns down at you. "What?" He asks, stroking your arm. "What do you mean, fairy?"
"I know you fucked Agatha," You cry out. "You're having an affair, aren't you?"
His face falls and his voice turns cold. "What the fuck are you talking about, Y/N?"
With a hiccup, you let out a whimper before your eyes slowly flutter shut, and you pass out.
The next morning, you wake up feeling like you've been hit by a truck.
You wince as you clamber out of bed, the bright light in the bathroom making you cringe while you brush your teeth. The only thing keeping you from hiding in bed is the smell of breakfast, which lures you downstairs and into the kitchen.
Bucky's at the stove, making pancakes.
"Good morning, Jay," You mumble, trying to remember the gap in your memories from last night. The last thing you remember is eating dinner with Bucky before he left for work.
"Morning," He replies, placing the last pancake onto the stack before turning off the gas and turning to face you.
You sit at the island while he slides over a glass of orange juice and some Advil. "Thank you," You whisper.
Bucky puts a couple of pancakes on your plate before serving himself. You're sipping on your juice when he finally speaks again. "So, how come you drank last night?" He asks you.
"Huh? Oh, I guess I figured I was home alone all night, so I had a couple of glasses," You suggest, trying to put the pieces together yourself.
"You said some fucked up shit," Bucky says as he cuts into his pancakes.
"I did? Oh, no, nothing too freaky, right?" You ask with a laugh.
He looks up to meet your eyes, no hint of humor in his. "You accused me of having an affair with Agatha," He tells you bluntly.
And just like that, it all comes rushing back. You remember exactly why you drank so much, and exactly why Bucky seems so upset.
"Oh," You utter dumbly, not knowing what else to say.
The silence that sits between you is cold and heavy. The kind you want desperately to fill with words, only you don't know which ones to use.
"Fairy... what the fuck?" Bucky utters, pain in his eyes. "Where did that come from?"
You bite your lip, wincing. "I just... you've been gone so much lately. Lying about where you are. And she wants you, I know she does. Sam told me the meeting with Novikov isn't until next month, and... it's not the first time you've lied to me about where you've been," You say, terrified.
He lets out a deep sigh as he processes your words. "It's... it's your birthday tomorrow," He says.
For a moment, you say nothing. And then the realization hits you harder than your hangover. Your birthday. He's been planning for it. With everyone going on with the businesses, you assumed you wouldn't be able to do anything special for the day - but how could you ever believe that Bucky would settle for less than special?
You slap your hands over your mouth and immediately burst into tears. Ugly sobs rattle through your chest, making your head hurt even more.
"Baby. Baby. Don't cry," He says as he walks around the counter.
"How- how could I ever think that of you?" You manage to choke out, your words almost unintelligible. "You're so perfect and I... I doubted you in the worst way. How could I do that to you?"
"Come here, my darling, it's alright," He assures you as he holds you tight, rocking you back and forth. He continues comforting you while your tears subdue, your breaths choppy as you sniffle.
He doesn't say anything, simply hugging you and stroking your hair, kissing your forehead, wiping away your tears. Once your sobs have ceased and your breathing is back to normal, he smiles down at you.
"Look at me. Marriage is scary, okay?" He begins. "We're both doing this for the first time. We're not gonna be perfect. All I can promise you is that I will never betray you-"
"You don't have to say that, Jamie," You cry. "You shouldn't need to say that."
"I want to say it," He assures you. "I want you to hear it. I may act stupid at times, or say the wrong thing-"
"You're never wrong, you're perfect," You cut in, clinging onto his shirt. "I'm evil."
"Evil?" He repeats with a scoff. "Baby, I know evil, okay? I've looked evil in the fucking eye. You are not that. You are my darling girl. My fairy. I- it's my fault for keeping secrets-"
"You were just trying to surprise me-"
"Still, I shouldn't have lied to your face," He says. "I felt sick whenever I did. Hated it. But... I just wanted to see your face when you saw it tomorrow."
Your face crumples again. "I ruined the surprise," You whine.
"You didn't ruin it; you still don't know what it is," Bucky points out. "I went too far with trying to keep it a secret. Ended up hurting you, which I never want to do."
"But I should've just trusted you," You say, shaking your head. "How could I think that of you?"
"I made it pretty easy for you to jump to that conclusion," He says, rubbing your shoulder. "I should've known you'd realize I was hiding something."
With a pout, you look up at him. "I'm sorry I ruined my surprise," You say.
He frowns down at you. "Hey, you don't know exactly what it is yet, do you?" He asks as his lips curl up. "You're still gonna be blown away, fairy. You deserve to be spoiled, especially on your birthday, and I'll make sure of it."
"You spoil me every day," You say with an eye roll.
"Because I love you every day," Bucky replies before placing a kiss on your shoulder. "Now, eat. My pancakes aren't as good when they're cold."
While he reaches out to grab his plate and takes a seat next to you, you turn to face him. "So, if you were planning my surprise this whole time... why did you have to speak to Agatha so late at night?" You wonder curiously. "She also seems to be awfully comfortable touching up on you."
With a bite of pancakes in his mouth, Bucky chews while smirking at you, a look of surprise on his face. When he swallows, he leans in. "Baby, are you jealous?" He asks, delight in his eyes.
Shooting him a glare, you put your fork down. "I don't get jealous, Barnes. I was irritated that she was touching my property," You correct him curtly.
"Your property?" He repeats with a laugh. "Fuck. You know it turns me on when you get all possessive, pretty girl."
"Well, stop, because I'm being serious," You say, poking his chest. "I don't want her grabbing your arm, hugging you, fucking giggling in your ear - calling you late at night. You're not her piece of meat. You're mine."
Bucky wraps his arm around you with a cheesy grin. "Keep talking like that, I'll need you to prove it right here and now," He grumbles against your lips.
You push him back with a scoff. "Get a fucking grip," You tell him sternly. "I need you to be serious. Why was she calling you so late? Why did I hear her laughing when you were at your fake Novikov meeting last night?"
He pulls back and drops the smirk, knowing you're not playing games. "Aggie-"
You throw him the coldest glare you can muster.
"Agatha," He corrects himself. "Was helping me plan your surprise."
"The fuck does an arms dealer have to do with birthdays?" You question him incredulously.
"She has a lot of good contacts-"
"What are you gonna do, shoot me?" You ask, to which he snorts.
"No, baby, she's just very well connected, even more so than me," He tells you. "And I know she can be a little... forward, but I swear to you, she never crossed the line. I'd have cut her off the second she tried anything."
Letting out a huff, you look away from him.
"I love you," Bucky says, squeezing you tightly in his grip. "I love you so, so much. And I can't wait to see your face tomorrow."
"Y'know what I want most for my birthday?" You turn and ask him, to which he nods eagerly.
"Anything," He replies instantly. "Name it and it's yours, my love."
"For her to be gone," You tell him bluntly. "Out of New York."
He laughs, but you're not joking. "Fairy, I know it isn't ideal, but I need to finish this deal with her," He explains. "Just one more week, and Chicago will be putty in my hands. And then I never have to see her again."
Maintaining your glare, you sigh. "Fine. Whatever," You huff.
"Now, what was it you were saying about me being yours?" Bucky asks, nestling his face in your neck. "What did you call me, again? Your property? Your piece of meat?"
Your hands rest on top of his which stroke your hips, and he pressed soft kisses to your neck, not stopping until you let out a moan, at which point you can feel his grin again your skin.
"Why don't you prove it, fairy?"
eek sorry to cockblock but this was getting reallllly long (also writing smut feels like a chore rn)
hope you enjoyed this installment! also someone requested a jealous!bucky which I'm SO EXCITED TO WRITE so stay tuned for that <3
series masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
Do you mind writing abt bucky getting jealous bc fairy has been fucking the same guy for a while so he's afraid of her being committed to someone else? Tysm, & I love ur work!
sounds good. thank you!
pickle man
18+
When Bucky tells you to end things with the guy you're seeing because he doesn't trust him, you ask him to point someone out he does trust - enter Dane Whitman; a seemingly innocent, gentle creature. What Bucky didn't expect, however, was for Dane to have you wrapped around his finger.
Content Warning: Mob!Bucky x Best Friend!Reader, protective!bucky, mutual pining, mention of sex, light smut, Dane Whitman x Reader, slight angst, possessive!bucky, ever so slightly dark!bucky. Set pre-wedding!
Series Masterlist
note: finally got around to watching game of thrones so this is my way of writing a jon snow fic (dane is kit harington's character in eternals hehe)
another note: this has been in my drafts for over a year oops (i finished game of thrones ages ago)
"It was right here. I could've sworn it," Bucky mutters, shaking his head.
"Maybe it's moved?" You ask with a shrug.
"None of the other stalls have moved," He points out, before his eyes light up. "There he is!" Suddenly, he takes your hand and drags you over to a small stall where a man stands selling a range of jarred pickles.
"This is what I was talking about," Bucky says with a grin, picking up a jar. "Tastes just like how my Aunt makes them back home."
"They're on special offer today," The man tells him with a polite smile. "Two for six dollars."
Bucky's already rifling through his wallet and taking out a handful of cash to hand to him. "Here. I'll take it all."
While the man excitedly packages up all the jars with stars in his eyes, you pull Bucky back and huff. "Now, can we talk about Lin?" You ask with a pout.
"I've told you where I stand," Bucky says sternly.
"What about where I stand?" You counter stubbornly.
"He's bad news," He states, brows furrowing. "What have I told you about dating guys like that?"
"But I'm bored," You whine, pulling on his arm. "You never let me date anyone. How am I supposed to get my dose of male validation?"
"I validate you more than necessary," He points out flatly. "Don't be so greedy."
"Sometimes, a girl needs a little fling," You say, before gasping. "I have the best idea!"
He raises a brow. "Yeah? And what's that, fairy?"
"I'll let you pick someone for me to have a one night stand with," You suggest with a grin. "That way, there's literally no way you won't approve of him."
Taking a few moments to think about it, Bucky sighs. "Anyone I pick?"
"Absolutely anyone," You confirm. "I just want someone to have fun with."
He narrows his eyes at you, contemplating his options for a while.
"Here you go, Sir," The man at the stall says as he pushes forward the eight bags of jars. "But you've overpaid - here's your change."
"No need, keep it," Bucky says.
"Wow, thank you!" The man says with a smile.
Suddenly, Bucky turns back to you. "Alright, fairy, I'll go for your bright idea," He says, filling you with excitement.
"Yes! Who do you have in mind?" You ask, half-expecting, and hoping, that he offers up one of his men.
With a sly smirk, he smugly says, "Pickle man." He's sure the man will bore you pretty quickly, which is why he's so confident in choosing him as your suitor.
You're taken aback, thrown for a loop as you look back at the man behind the stall. In all honesty, he's not bad looking, and you're sure you can have some fun with him. With a smile, you look back up at Bucky. "Alrighty, then," You say mischievously. "And remember- you picked him!"
"Dane!"
"C'mere, darling," He growls, nuzzling his face into your neck as he pins you to the bed. "You're not going anywhere."
"I'm gonna be so late," You complain through laughter.
"Just call in sick," Dane mutters, grinding his semi against your crotch. "Stay. Let's fuck all day."
You let out a sigh when he finds that spot on your neck, in utter bliss. It was only meant to be a one-night thing; you weren't planning on seeing him again after Friday, but now it's Tuesday and he's still here.
"Be a good girl and stay here with me."
And you're not complaining.
Dane flips you onto your stomach with no warning before sliding his hand down your abdomen. When he reaches your pussy, his fingers rub through your folds and rub on your clit, making you writhe beneath him.
"Oh, fuck, Dane," You moan, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. "Just like that."
Just as he sinks two fingers into your entrance, you hear the sound of the front door opening.
Immediately, you push yourself up and frown. "What the fuck?" You whisper.
"Expecting someone?" Dane asks, continuing to fuck you with his fingers with no shame.
"I- fuck, I don't know," You reply, unable to produce a coherent thought.
"Fairy?"
Your eyes shoot open and you grab Dane's hand. "Wait. It's Jamie," You hiss, quickly moving from under him and getting up to your feet.
Dane just lets out a disappointed grunt while you rush to grab your nightgown and pull it on. You speed out your room and make sure to shut the door behind you, walking out to the living room.
Bucky's standing by the kitchen island on his phone, and he looks up when he hears you walk in, smiling when he sees you. "Hey, sleepy head," He greets you with a raised brow. "You're not ready for work yet?"
"Uh, I guess not," You say as you walk closer to him, glancing back towards the hall before whispering, "Dane's here."
Bucky immediately frowns at your words. "What? Pickle man? He's still here?" He asks incredulously.
"Mhm," You hum as you lean against the counter with a dreamy smile. "He's... incredible, Jamie."
"Oh, yeah?" He asks, in pure disbelief.
"He's an animal," You say, grinning. "An insatiable animal."
Bucky's hands clench into fists at the thought of another man being insatiably animalistic with you, but does his best to keep calm. "Pretty long one night stand," He comments flatly.
"I know!" You exclaim giddily. "I wasn't planning on asking him to stay this long, but... you know that feeling when you just don't want someone to leave?"
All too fucking well.
Bucky nods slowly, resting his hands on his hips. "Alright. Okay, fairy, you have your fun," He states casually, taking a step closer to you. "But once he's out that door, that's it. He's never coming over again."
His order makes you frown. "But-"
"No buts," He cuts you off sternly. "You heard me. And you do as I say, don't you?"
Deciding not to piss him off, you nod. "Yes, Jamie."
With his brows still furrowed together, he leans forward to kiss your forehead. "I'll pick you up in a couple hours for lunch," He tells you before leaving.
When the door shuts, you hear Dane calling out for you. As much as you don't wanna piss Bucky off, you also don't want to deprive yourself of Dane's skills.
"Come on, baby," He calls from the bedroom. "I'm so fuckin' hard for you."
You bite your lip. There's no way you're letting him leave.
You walk through to the back of the club, bopping your head to the beat of the loud music. As you approach the security guards at the red rope, you open your mouth to say, "Hi, we're-"
"Of course, Miss Y/L/N," One of them quickly says, having recognized you from the countless times you've been in here with Bucky. He seems a little confused when he sees you holding Dane's hand, but he says nothing as he opens the rope to let you both walk through to the VIP area where Bucky's sitting with Sam and a few others.
Everyone looks surprised to see you with your gentleman friend - it's the first time you've brought one to the club. Sam and Peter each sneak looks at Bucky to gauge his reaction, but he does his best to keep the annoyance off his face.
Sam's the first on his feet, greeting you with a quick hug. "All good, Y/N?" He asks you, giving Dane a look of distrust.
"Sam, this is Dane," You introduce with a smile. "Dane, Sam."
The others aren't very welcoming to Dane, least of all Bucky. He watches with a silent glare and a clenched jaw as you dance and drink carelessly in his arms, but he remains in his seat, refusing to let his anger get the best of him.
With a firm handshake, Sam gives Dane a simple nod.
"Peter," You whisper, pulling him closer. "This is the guy I told you about who's been rocking my world."
Nodding slowly, Peter looks Dane up and down. "Nice."
It was his choice. He did tell you to sleep with the fucking pickle man - but he didn't think you'd carry on seeing him, and definitely not for this long. In an attempt to take his mind off of you and off of how badly he wants to yank you out of the pickle man's arms and back into his, where you belong, Bucky decides to distract himself.
She's not you. And he wants her to be you. But you're with him.
The woman on his lap is saying and doing all the right things, but he just can't get into it. Whenever he looks at her, he can only see all the parts of her face that make her so different to you. Her voice isn't anything like yours, making him cringe whenever she whispers in his ears. Her body doesn't feel the same in his hands, her hair doesn't graze gently across his skin like yours does when the breeze blows through it when he drives you around in the convertible.
Fuck it.
It's been an hour since you arrived. Bucky gestures for the woman to get off him before he stands up and makes his way over to where you're standing at the bar with Dane. Sam nudges Peter with wide eyes, nodding towards you as they eagerly wait to watch the situation unfold.
"Watch this," Sam says smugly. "And you say he isn't a sap for her."
Bucky approaches you just as you place your lips on Dane's and clears his throat, forcing you two to pull apart.
"Jamie!" You exclaim gleefully.
He looks at Dane with a firm stare. "Give me a minute," Bucky states, and it's not the least polite way he's ever whisked you away from another man.
Dane happily agrees, giving you a quick kiss before disappearing. The peck makes you smile wider, which Bucky doesn't fail to notice. He holds back an eye roll as he moves closer to you.
"What did I tell you last month, hmm?" He asks you with a raised brow.
"You said he's not coming back to my place once he leaves," You remind him innocently. "I haven't brought him back to my place since."
Bucky's anger is simmering within him, the flare of his nostril exposing his dormant rage to you. "Don't get smart with me, fairy," He warns you. "You've had your fun. Now tell him to fuck off."
"But I like him!" You claim with a pout. "What's your problem with him Jamie? He's nice, and safe, and exactly the opposite of all the guys you forbid me from dating."
You've got him there. Dane is the epitome of a nice guy, at least outside the bedroom, and he's the safe option Bucky's been begging you to go for since he met you. But he never thought you actually would. He thought he'd always be telling you to dump assholes and bad men, and he found comfort in that. Comfort in the fact that he had an actual reason to disapprove of the other men in your life. Here, though, he has no leg to stand on. No reason to disapprove, other than-
"I don't like seeing you with him."
Taken aback, you raise a brow. "Excuse me?" You ask him with a scoff. "And who the fuck-"
Suddenly, Bucky grabs your arm and pulls you closer. "Do not ask me who I am, Y/N, when you know the answer," He says gravely, staring deeply into your eyes. "When you know you're mine."
Your stomach flips as your heart races. It's rare that Bucky shows this side of him, and you almost forget it exists sometimes. Since the start, he's had an unspoken hold over you - one that you openly let him have. Part of being the King of New York's closest friend means belonging to him. Though you aren't one of his henchmen, there is still a power dynamic in play, no matter how slight or subtle. You know he could have Dane killed in seconds with just one look at Sam, and that's what you signed up for when you agreed to be his friend. You have to take the ugly with the good and the bad. Bucky's a nice man, nicer than most have ever been to you, but he's also a powerful man. And powerful men get what they want.
"What do you want me to do, Jamie?" You ask him, fully prepared to obey whatever order he gives you.
He places a hand on your waist, stroking the exposed skin of your hip with his thumb. "Tell him it's over," Is his demand. He utters it lowly, with a sense of finality. The tone you usually only ever hear him use with his men. It says this isn't negotiable. There's no arguing. No talking back. And he doesn't like using that tone with you - that's why he rarely ever does. He doesn't want to be someone you're afraid of, but there are times like this when he can't help but exert some of his power over you.
"Okay," You say with a nod.
His hand squeezes your hip. "Good girl," Bucky mumbles, using his other hand to cup your cheek. "Go on. I'll be here when you're done."
You nod again, accepting the soft kiss on your forehead before turning to leave him. Making your way over to Dane, you'd usually feel sick to your stomach knowing you're about to hurt someone's feelings, but you only feel calm knowing it's what Bucky wants.
He's sitting with Sam and Peter and drinking a beer. When he sees you, he sits up with a smile. "Hey, baby," He greets you, holding his hand out to you.
You take it and sit next to him, before giving Peter and Sam pointed looks. "Could you guys give us a minute, please?"
They agree and walk away, leaving the two of you alone. "Everything okay?" Dane asks you. "Your friends are cool. That Sam guy's pretty intense, though. Practically interrogated me."
"Ha, yeah, he can be like that," You say with an awkward laugh. "Uh, so, listen..."
"Oh, no. Using your serious voice," He says with a chuckle, placing a hand on your thigh. "What's up?"
With a sigh, you look him in the eyes. "I've had so much fun the past few weeks with you, Dane, but... I don't think we should see each other anymore," You say with a wince.
His face drops. "Oh," He utters, taking his hand off your thigh. "Is it because I almost accidentally put it in your ass last night?"
"No, it's not," You assure him. "It's just... this wasn't ever supposed to be long-term, you know?"
Dane nods slowly. "Right. I get it," He mumbles, unable to meet your eyes.
"Sorry," You whisper before standing up and walking back over to Bucky, who's nursing a whisky at the bar with a smug look on his face. "You look happy," You comment with a raised brow.
"Did you end it?" He asks, though there's no reason to.
"Mhm," You reply, sinking into his side.
Meanwhile, Sam and Peter walk back over to a somber looking Dane.
"That's my girl," Bucky says, kissing your cheek as he wraps his arm around you. "Did he take it well?"
"Like a champ," You answer him.
"Good," He utters. "Now, what do you say to us getting out of here and getting some food?"
Looking up at him with a smile, you nod. "Sounds like a plan, Jamie."
"Hey, man," Sam says bluntly. "You alright?"
Dane, keeping his eyes on the table, nods. "I will be," He replies.
Sam rolls his eyes but does well not to tell Dane to stop feeling sorry for himself. "You'll be good, man," He tells him. "Plenty more fish in the sea."
With that, Sam walks away, while Peter sticks around. He clears his throat and looks around before subtly slipping a piece of paper with his phone number on into Dane's hand. Taken aback, Dane looks up at Peter with wide eyes.
"For, y'know, if you're feeling lonely tonight," Peter says, before quickly scooting off again.
poor dane </3 but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else :P
mob!bucky masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
as bucky's best friend and his groomsmaid, you have a lot of different responsibilities on his wedding day. one of them includes helping him relax.
content warning: bestfriend!bucky x f!reader, mature themes, mention of drugs, adultery, cheating kink, bucky and reader are terrible people, depraved evil people, PICK ME!READER VIBES, smut (rough sex, daddy kink, degradation and praise kink).
a/n: i know i said i was taking a break from writing after completing real people (available at a masterlist near you) but i'm on my period so. this happened. caution. kinky.
You fiddle with the flower in his breastpocket until it's perfectly set, at which point you smile. "Looking good, bucket," You tell him with a wink.
"Says you," He replies, looking you up and down while stroking your hip. "I should force you into pretty dresses more often, butternut."
"You can try," You laugh softly, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Dot's makeup team arrived a little late, so she won't be ready for another forty minutes."
"Forty?" He asks with a pained look. "Fuck. I just want this day over with, already."
"That's not very romantic," You scold, hitting his shoulder.
"I don't mean it like that," He claims. "My nerves are going crazy. Feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack. Everyone keeps saying this is the biggest, most important day of my life. I can't handle that kind of pressure, you know me."
You place your hands on his face, cupping his cheeks as you lean in closer. "Look at me, Bucky. Dot did not spend all that money on New York's most sought-after wedding planner for you to worry about anything going wrong. Each second of the ceremony and reception has been meticulously planned and carried out by professionals; the only thing you have to do is show up and say, 'I do.' This isn't in your hands. There is no pressure on you. The responsibility of this day belongs to someone else," You say firmly, staring up at him. "You look incredible. You've got your vows written down. There is nothing about this day that you could ruin. Nothing."
He lets out a sigh, nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right," He says calmly. "Thank you, butternut. I don't know what the fuck I'd do without you."
"That's what best friends are for," You say, rubbing his shoulders. "Now, we have forty minutes to get you relaxed."
Wincing, Bucky tilts his head. "I need a joint, or something-"
"You are not standing at the altar, smelling of weed-"
"Something," He groans, throwing his head back. "You got any coke on you? Call Pete-"
"Bucky, you are not getting high on your fucking wedding day!" You exclaim, hitting his shoulder.
"I need something to take the edge off, butternut," He whines, sitting down on the couch with a thud, slumping down.
You follow him, sitting next to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. "I can get you a glass of wine?" You offer. "There's about a hundred gallons of Wilson's champagne in the hall."
"Not enough," He grumbles, his eyes flickering down to your hand. Slowly, he reaches up to stroke your fingers, and his thumb glides over the opal ring he bought you with all his savings when you turned 16. His eyes meet yours when he squeezes your hand before taking it and placing it on his crotch.
Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his boner under his pants, making your heart skip a beat. "Bucky, what the fuck are you doing?" You ask him with a whisper.
He keeps the innocently blank look on his face as he makes your hand squeeze down, biting his lip. "Jus' help me out, butternut," He mumbles as his eyes darken. "Help me relax."
You don't pull away when he makes you rub him over his pants, feeling your cunt throb. It's been a long, long time since college - since you and Bucky experimented with adding sex to your friendship - but you feel yourself fall into the familiarity of his sex appeal with ease.
"You're insane," You murmur, meeting his eyes. "And getting married in less than an hour."
"And I need you, now," He utters lowly, biting his lip as he slowly begins to undo his pants before pulling out his hard, throbbing cock. "Need you to make me feel good, like you used to. Remember?"
A soft laugh leaves your mouth as your hand moves to wrap around him instinctively. "How could I forget?" You ask him, your heart racing in your chest.
He wraps his hand around yours and makes you stroke his cock, up and down, while his eyes darken. "Fuck, baby," He groans, his weakened voice sending sparks of pleasure through your veins. "That's it. You know how I like it."
When he lets go of your hand, you continue stroking him. You lean forward and spit on the tip, making him shudder. Using your hand to spread your spit up and down his shaft, you move closer and kiss him. He groans into your mouth, his hands moving to grab and grope your body.
"Gotta be inside you, baby," He grumbles, squeezing your ass as he pulls you onto his lap. "Need to fuck that tight pussy one last time."
It's wrong. So wrong. Beyond betrayal. Beyond evil. Dot's a lovely person and is likely the most excited and happy she's ever been knowing she's marrying the love of her life today.
And you let him push your panties to the side and sink his cock into you without another thought.
"Oh, fuck," Bucky groans as he throws his head back over the couch, filling you with every inch he has. Utter pleasure takes over his face, that look in his eyes being one you've missed seeing.
Fuck it. You've gone too far already. Might as well go all the way.
With your hands on his shoulders, you start riding him, letting out moans as he grips your hips tightly.
"Just like that, butternut, ride my fuckin' cock," He grumbles, keeping his eyes on yours. "Such a good girl for me, aren't you?"
"Yes, Bucky," You whine, your stomach flipping.
"Let me do what I want to you, don't you?" He asks with a sly grin, before grabbing hold of your waist, lifting you up, and pushing you face down on the couch. He quickly moves to return his cock to your hole, fucking you deeper in this position as he squeezes your hips. "Fuck, you little slut. Take it. Like the good little fucktoy you are."
Your eyes roll back as he pounds into you, using one of his hands to pull your hair.
"Missed this pussy so bad. Nobody takes my cock like you, y'know that?" Bucky moans, fucking you harder. "Nobody. Nobody is as good as you, good at being my little cumslut. You'd take anything I give you, wouldn't you? Say it."
"I'll- I'll take anything, daddy," You whimper, digging your nails into the couch.
"Atta girl," He says, and you can hear the grin on his face. "Gonna use you whenever I want. Can't believe I neglected this pussy for so long. Wrap so tight around me."
"Daddy," You cry out just as his cock brushes against your g-spot, making you dizzy.
Bucky leans down so his lips are by your ear. "I know, baby, I know," He coos. "You're such a good little slut for me. Tell me."
"I'm your slut, daddy," You say obediently as your heart races. "I'm so close."
"Yeah?" He asks you with a dry laugh. "Gonna cum already? Pathetic little baby, show daddy how good he makes you feel."
You suck in a gasp as you feel every nerve in your body light up, tingles running through your thighs as your orgasm takes over. A loud scream leaves your lips and Bucky quickly slaps his hands over your mouth, before pushing his other hand between your legs and rubbing your clit. Your body seizes up as he rubs quick circles onto it, you're as sensitive as ever, unable to take any more. You scream against his hand, begging him to give you a break, thrashing up against his body, but to no avail. He's having too much fun torturing you. Overstimulating you until you freeze up, cumming again, heavy sobs wracking through you as you do.
"Good girl, good girl, I knew you could do it for me," He whispers into your ear, smirking slyly as he takes his fingers off your throbbing clit. "You always take it so well. Make me so proud, my good little slut."
Weak noises leave your mouth. You feel brain dead. Your eyes are half-shut, your chest heaving against the couch. Bucky pulls out of you and you barely even feel it, unable to register your physical surroundings as you try to return to your senses.
He gets off of you and sits down on the couch, before flipping you over and bringing your head onto his lap. Your mouth lulls open instinctively, and he immediately stuffs his cock down your throat.
"That's it, that's a good little fucktoy," He groans, stroking your hair as he fucks your face. "I don't care how fucked-out you are, you're gonna suck the cum out of me, you got that?"
You can only moan around his cock, but he knows you're saying yes. Smiling down at you, he strokes your cheek.
"I love you, butternut. You're my best friend," He says between heavy breaths. "And the best cocksucker I know."
His dick twitches in your mouth when you swirl your tongue around his tip and speed up, staring up at him. He bites his lip, running his hand through your messed-up hair. As his cum begins to shoot out into your throat, he can tell you're about to choke and pull your mouth off of him, so he forces your head down, keeping your lips firmly at the base of his cock as he spills his seed into your throat. Your eyes tear up as you choke, your heart racing, and Bucky groans, thrusting his hips, fucking your throat sore.
"Fuck," He grunts, his jaw clenching as he looks down at you. "There you go, you whore. No need to breathe. Just swallow my cum. That's it. If you let a single drop fall past your lips, you're not fucking breathing again, you hear me?"
You nod as best you can, feeling lightheaded as you slowly swallow his load.
"That's my pretty whore," Bucky utters, rolling his eyes back as his head rests against the couch. "Might just fuckin' live in your throat."
Doing your best to remain conscious, you slowly breathe in through your nose, and out again, your breath hitting his abdomen. His head snaps up and he looks down at you.
"The fuck did I just say?" He says gravely, before using his fingers to close your nose. "No breathing until I'm done, you stupid slut."
Your eyes roll back as you lose your mind, hypnotised by this darker side to him. You've always known he had it and experienced it before, but it's been so long. Nobody else matches up to him- nobody else treats you this roughly, because nobody else is as comfortable with you. They don't know your limits, how far you like being pushed. Nobody can fuck you entirely, body and mind, like Bucky.
His cock softens in your throat and he slowly pulls out. You suck in a heavy gasp as he finally allows you to, breathing heavily as your head falls to rest on his lap.
Bucky puts his cock away before cupping your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks and waiting for you to catch your breath and return to Earth. He plays with your hair gently, not speaking until he sees the look in your eyes that tells him you've recovered.
"You did so good, butternut," Bucky mumbles softly. "I feel so much better."
Grinning up at him, you nestle your face into his big, warm palm. "That's what I'm here for, Bucky," You tell him, your voice slightly croaky. "Ready to go?"
Bucky smiles back down at you. "Let's do this."
i knowwwww they're terrible but fuck me y/n just can't help it okay
masterlist
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
Content Warning: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, angst, mention of pregnancy, enemies to lovers to strangers, fluff, mention of sex, misunderstanding trope bc why not, and omg I am not ready to say goodbye to these characters I want to cryyyyyyyy. super long author's note at the end
Series Masterlist
Series Playlist
"This is nice," Gwen says, her eyes closed as she stands with her arms up, allowing the breeze to brush over her skin. Her loose, white shirt flies behind her and the waves gently kiss at her feet. You're not sure why she keeps saying that - this is nice - but you hardly go an hour without hearing those words pour from her mouth, drenched in contentment.
The sunset has caused the sky to match her hair, the sand cooling down under your palms. You watch as the ice in your sangria melts, letting the sound of the waves relax you. Not that there's anything causing you any stress right now - having been in Mexico for a week now, you're completely zen. But there is one thought that threatens to disturb your peace.
"Do you think he'll be here?" You can't help but ask her.
Her head turns to the side, her eyes fluttering open. She knows who you're talking about without having to ask for clarification. "He's the best man," She reminds you. "Of course he'll be here."
"This early on, though?" You wonder, grabbing fistfuls of sand. "The rehearsal dinner isn't until Friday."
Gwen turns so she's fully facing you, a blank look on her face. "I know what you want to hear, but I'm not going to lie to you," She begins. "He's here. Just landed today, actually."
Your stomach churns and you nod, looking down at your lap.
"What?" She asks you, taking a few steps closer. "Are you really that nervous to see him?"
"I haven't seen him since..." You trail off, shaking your head.
"Then maybe it's about time you did," She says bluntly. "I mean, for Christ's sake, it's been what? Three years?"
"I know, but..." You mumble, feeling dumb. "It's weird. We were together for such a short period of time, and now we've spent so much time apart... but I still-"
"Don't," Gwen cuts you off curtly. "I swear to God, don't say it."
"I wasn't gonna say love," You claim. "I just mean, I won't know how I feel until I see him."
"Well, then," She chirps. "Good thing both of you brought dates."
"He brought a date?" You ask, feeling nauseous at the thought of seeing him with someone else.
"Mhm," Gwen confirms. "But you have Pietro, so you're both in the same boat, which is good.
"Yeah," You utter dryly. "Great."
Gwen stretches before holding her hand out to you. "C'mon, we need to get ready. If we miss dinner again, Sharon will make me sleep on this beach," She says before grabbing your hand and pulling you up to your feet.
The two of you make your way back to the resort, but this time, you're no longer zen. You're a bundle of nerves.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror, you turn to the side to get a look at yourself at all angles. Ever since your conversation with Gwen on the beach, you've felt a pit in your stomach and it's weighing you down, making you want to do nothing more than crawl into bed and hide from the world.
There's a knock at the door which makes you jump slightly, before it swings open. "Hey, you," Pietro says as he walks in with a grin. "You look incredible."
Relaxing a little with his presence, you smile at him in the mirror. "Thank you, P," You reply. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yep - just need to use the bathroom," He says as he walks towards it.
"Ugh, please don't clog it again!" You call out as he walks past you.
With a sly grin and a squeeze of your ass, he swings open the door. "I won't," He swears as he walks in, and you know better than to believe him.
"Why do I fuck you, again?" You call out, shaking your head.
Pietro opens the door again and pokes his head through. "Because I'm a damn good fuck, baby," He says with a wink. "Your words."
Rolling your eyes, you fiddle with your hair. "Whatever. Go poop - and hurry, because Sharon will kill me if I'm late!"
While you wait for him, you sit on the bed and decide to scroll through social media. You notice that Steve's got a new story up, so with a soft smile you open it up, expecting to see a photo of him and Sharon - but it's a photo of a gift-wrapped box with a Rolex on top of it. Gift from the best man, the caption reads. With a gasp, you close Instagram and put your phone down. And immediately, you hate how affected you are, just from a mere mention of him.
Fuck, you're screwed.
"I'm ready!" Pietro announces as he walks back out the bathroom.
"Did you wash your ha-"
"Yes, I washed my hands," He cuts you off with a laugh as he walks over and takes your hand, pulling you up to your feet. Moving in closer, he gives you a soft kiss. "You really do look so fucking good."
"No," You say sternly. "I refuse to be late to this dinner, P."
He tilts his head, giving you the soft-eyed, ever-so-slightly-desperate look he knows drives you crazy. "Gimme ten minutes, baby," He mumbles.
You narrow your eyes at him and push him back. "No. You'll mess up my hair and makeup," You whine.
"C'mere," He whispers before kissing you, once, twice, three times.
You melt into it, allowing yourself the respite of his physical comfort from your overthinking head, but then your mind conjures up the image of Sharon's pissed-off expression, which is enough motivation to give you the strength to pull away. "Let's go," You decide firmly. "It's Sharon's wedding week. I'm not gonna stress her out anymore than she already is."
Giving in with a sigh, he nods and takes a step back. "Alright," He says, following you to the door. "Have I told you how sexy you are when you're being all considerate for your friends, and shit?"
The resort has been booked out in its entirety by Steve and Sharon for the week, allowing them to spend a few days with their nearest and dearest before the big day on Saturday. So far, Sharon's been spending the days with her bridesmaids, Steve with his groomsmen, and each evening, everyone comes together to have dinner. It's been fine so far, but today's the first night that all the groomsmen are here - which has you almost shaking as you and Pietro make your way to the dining hall.
"What's wrong? Nervous to see everyone?" Pietro asks you as your heels click against the marble floor. "You've already met 'em all before, right? Oh, wait, shit. Isn't your ex here tonight?"
He swings the doors to the hall open and, of course, it seems you're the last ones to arrive. Thankfully, Sharon doesn't look annoyed in the slightest, as everyone turns to look at you.
"They're here!" Sharon squeals, standing up with her glass of wine raised up. "Come in, sit down!"
Pietro's got his arm around your waist, so when he begins to walk in, even though your feet feel planted to the ground, you can't help but move with him. But your eyes stayed glued to him.
Bucky.
It's like time slows down. He looks so different, but also exactly the same. And he's staring back at you. A small part of you is acutely aware of the beautiful woman sitting by his side, but everyone else melts away into irrelevance when you're looking at him. It's the first time in three years that you've been so close to him - sitting at opposite ends of a 25-seat table - but it feels as familiar as though no time has passed at all.
"Red or white tonight?" Steve asks you as he stands up to pour you a glass of wine.
Ripping your eyes away from Bucky and looking up at Steve, you let out a huff. "Brown," You reply curtly before grabbing a bottle of whisky from the middle of the table and pouring it into your glass.
Steve chuckles before pouring Pietro some wine, and you take a long sip. Next to you, Gwen gently nudges your stomach. "Way to be subtle," She hisses under her breath. "You guys just stared at each other for, like, five minutes."
"Shut up," You whisper, before you smile widely at Sharon who's sitting opposite you. "You look amazing, Shar!"
And she really does - this whole week, she's been glowing. "Thank you," She sings, still standing. Clearing her throat, she taps her glass of water with her fork, getting everyone's attention. "Alright. Everyone is officially here! Besides, like, our family, and everyone else," She begins with a soft laugh. "Steve and I are so, so grateful that you've all taken time out of your incredibly busy schedules to come and spend the last few days before the wedding with us. Ever since Steve and I started talking about getting married, we really had only one priority - to have a relaxed time with our best friends. Mexico has always meant so much to him and I - ever since the school trip episode of Sunset Lake, and all the times we returned together since - so it only felt right to get married here. In four days, Steve and I will be standing at the altar, with all of you there- but until then, we can eat, relax, get pampered, and party!"
Everyone holds up their respective glasses and cheers along with her, and Steve stands up and gives her a kiss. You grin as you watch them, so entirely in love. It makes you yearn for that feeling. Sure, sleeping with Pietro is fun and fulfils your needs, but you haven't felt a deeper connection to anyone since... Bucky.
You dare to steal a glance at him. He's pouring his date a drink- you recognize her. She's from some TV show that was big on Netflix or Hulu last year. Not his usual type, but then again, he's been linked with all sorts of women over the past three years. And he could say the same about you.
Before long, the food is served, so you can distract yourself with hummus and pita. You have conversations with Sharon and Steve, Gwen and Peter, and a few hushed comments fly between you and Pietro, but as it's such a big group, you can't venture out much further than them. Not that you particularly want to.
She finds him funny, that much is for sure. She pulls him arm whenever he makes her laugh, which is often.
"Her name's Jean," Gwen tells you, knowing you too well to not realize what it is you're thinking. "They work together. They've been spotted out at dinner a few times since."
"I feel sick," You utter, grabbing your napkin.
"Don't worry- you have Pietro, so you're on equal ground with him right now," Gwen says in an attempt to comfort you - as if the thing you're upset about is that Bucky is one-upping you.
"Pietro is nothing more than a human dildo to me," You whisper bitterly. "Bucky's actually dating that woman. With emotions."
"That's mean," Pietro chimes in as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, resting his chin on your other shoulder.
"Shut up. You're lucky I let you anywhere near me," You say to him with an eye-roll.
He bites down on his fist and leans in closer to Gwen with his head at your chest. "Isn't she so sexy?" He says lowly, to which she just snorts.
While everyone else continues chatting and drinking, you can't help but fall into the darkest depths of your mind.
He doesn't want you anymore. He probably hasn't for a while. You wonder how long it took him to officially be over you. You thought you might have been starting to get over him until you saw him tonight. All the feelings just came rushing back, hitting you like a truck. The last thing you wanted all those years ago was to become a stranger to him- but it seems like it might be too late.
Suddenly, you feel a kick under the table. You frown and look up to see Sharon giving you a pointed look as she taps her phone. While Gwen and Pietro chat, you look down at your phone to see a message from Sharon.
SharBear
I need to meet you tonight once everyone's in their rooms. Midnight outside reception. It's important. Please!
Without hesitation, you respond.
You
I'll be there.
Your mind is swirling with all the things Sharon could possibly want to speak to you about - has something gone wrong with the wedding plans? Has she suddenly got cold feet? You pace at reception for ten minutes before she finally appears.
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I was waiting for Steve to get into the shower," She says in a hushed voice as she rushes over from the elevator and grabs your hands. "Thank you for meeting me."
"Of course, Sharon," You say, deeply concerned. "Is everything okay?"
"Everything's perfect!" She replies instinctively with a chirpy smile, before letting out a sigh and letting her face fall. "But... it might not be."
"What's going on?" You ask her, pulling her away from the worker at the front desk who's giving you odd looks and towards the entrance of the hotel.
She looks around the lobby, making sure nobody's around before she speaks. "I need... I need you to buy me something," She utters.
You frown as you lower your voice. "Like... drugs?" You whisper. "Something to help you relax? Pietro might have a xanny-"
"No, not like that," She cuts you off with a mild look of panic in her eyes as they meet yours. "I need, um... I think I need a pregnancy test?"
Up until now, you would've liked to think that you'd be the calm, collected friend during crises. That you'd be the level-headed leader keeping everyone's panic at bay, coming up with an action plan and swiftly carrying it out without fault. But instead, you suck in a loud gasp and slap your hands over your face. "Sharon!" You let out, your yell muffled by your hands.
"I know, I know, it's crazy," She says as she shakes her hands. "It's just so I can be sure, before I drink myself into oblivion this week."
"That's why you haven't been drinking," You say with wide eyes as everything falls into place in your head. "And you didn't eat the edibles yesterday!"
"I'm just being careful, until I can be sure," Sharon says. "Now, you're my best friend and the one I trust most out of everyone here. I can't trust the resort workers not to leak it to the press, so I can't ask them or even order one online in case they snoop. So it has to be you, Y/N."
Taking in a deep breath, you nod, accepting the responsibility. "Yes. I can do this," You tell her, keeping your voice firm. "I can do this for you."
"Great. There's a pharmacy about a mile away, it's open twenty-four hours. Steve and I stopped there when we landed, to get... condoms," She says, wincing.
"Yes, got it," You say, trying to remain calm. "I'll call a taxi and-"
"No public transport," She cuts in quickly. "Everyone in this city knows the wedding is this week. They all know we're here. If a cab driver recognizes you - I can't handle the scandal, Y/N."
"So what do you want me to do?" You ask her, shaking your head. "It's not like I can walk a mile in the middle of the night!"
Just then, someone walks into the hotel. It's, of course, none other than Bucky, holding a motorcycle helmet under his arm. You can practically see the cogs turning in Sharon's head as she looks at him.
"Sharon, no. No, Sharon," You say gravely, holding her arms tight. But it's too late.
"Bucky!" She calls out, making you die inside.
"Hey," He replies, while you stare at the floor. "What are you both doing down here so late?"
"We, um, have a little issue," She tells him. "Just a little visit from Aunt Flo, you know?"
"Oh, right," He mumbles, and you can't help but feel a shiver at the sound of his voice. Get it together.
"Yeah, so... would you be able to give Y/N a lift to a pharmacy?" She asks him while you grimace. "So she can stock up on tampons, and stuff."
"Sure," Bucky replies. "Let's go."
"Thank you so much!" Sharon exclaims, giving him a hug before coming back to you and placing her hands on your shoulder. "And thank you. I love you."
"You're lucky I love you, too," You mutter, before turning to face him.
He holds the helmet out to you and you take it before following him out, shooting Sharon one last glare on your way.
"So, the pharmacy?" Bucky asks as he taps on his phone.
"Yeah, Sharon said there should be one about a mile away?" You respond, your voice pathetically small.
"Got it. Let's go," He says while sticking his phone with the map on on the handlebar and getting on the bike.
You take in a deep breath before putting on the helmet and getting on behind him, planning to hold onto the handles located behind you for the entirety of the ride - but the second he rides off, you instantly clamber to wrap your arms around him. It may be awkward, but you'd rather that than die before the wedding.
The ride is quiet, save for the sound of the engine. The streets are pretty bare, being in a less-populated area, and the sky is full of stars. After a few minutes, you take off your helmet so as to feel the fresh air on your face, and to get a proper view of the starry night. Soon, you arrive at the pharmacy, and Bucky parks up outside. When you jump off and he sees you without the helmet on, he sighs.
"I would really rather you keep that on during the ride," He says lowly.
"Sorry," You utter, slowly backing away towards the shop. "Want anything?"
He simply shakes his head, and you nod before turning and walking into the pharmacy. Thankfully, there's a box of face masks at the entrance so you grab one and wear it. The man at the counter doesn't seem the type to keep up with celebrity news, but you want to do all you can to keep things under wrap. You walk through the aisles until you get to the shelves with pregnancy tests, and decide to grab one of each of the five brands available, knowing Sharon's the type to want to double and triple check. Along with the tests, you grab a chapstick, for no other reason than to make it feel like a normal shopping trip, though the combination of Sharon's news and being back on Bucky's bike has you feeling like you're having an out-of-body experience.
Just as you put the tests and chapstick on the counter, you feel a presence behind you. You turn your head to see Bucky standing there, holding a bag of chips. And his eyes are on the tests.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Without a word, you toss four ₱500 notes on the counter and take the plastic bag from the worker before stuffing in the tests and chapsticks and walking out the store. When you get out, all you want to do is scream. He thinks you're pregnant, or at least potentially so. And you can't even correct him because then you'd be outing Sharon. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Ready to go?" He asks as he walks out of the pharmacy, as casual as ever. Fucker.
"You're so annoying!" You can't help but explode at him once you rip the mask off your face.
Taken aback, he raises a brow. "Excuse me?"
"If you wanted fucking chips, why didn't you just ask me to buy you chips?" You ask him, frustration dropping from your tone.
"What is your problem?" Bucky asks you, taking a step closer.
"I clearly asked you if you wanted anything, and you said no," You hurl at him.
"I changed my mind," He says flatly.
"You changed your mi- you're such a dick," You hiss, turning away.
"Will you calm down?" He calls out. "It's... not a big deal!"
"Not a big deal?" You all but scream, turning back to him. He thinks you could be pregnant with Pietro's baby. He thinks you're that close - that you'd be that reckless because you're that locked in with fucking Pietro. And he doesn't seem to care.
"Yes, it's not a big deal," He doubles down.
"Whatever," You huff before spinning back on your heel and storming away.
"Where do you think you're going?" His voice booms behind you, but you're too irritated to think or act rationally. You simply continue stomping away, too stubborn to accept a ride back to the resort with him. Safety be damned. You have pregnancy tests and chapstick to defend yourself with.
The rumbling of his bike gets louder and after a few seconds, he pulls up next to you. "Get on the damn bike, Y/N," He orders you sternly.
"Fuck you," You spit, walking even faster.
He trails slowly behind you, his bike swaying side to side as he does his best to keep the slow pace. "You're going the wrong way, dipshit," He says, and it feels like the air turns twenty degrees colder.
The old nickname makes you falter in your steps, but you continue moving. "Maybe I'm taking the scenic route," You utter.
He speeds up for a second before turning his bike in front of you, stopping you from going any further. With a glare, he lets out a huff through his nostrils. "Get on the bike. I'm tired, and I don't have time for this," He says curtly.
"Then go back to the hotel and get in bed," You say with your arms folded across your chest. "I'm sure Jean's waiting for you."
Bucky narrows his eyes at you. "What, are you jealous?" He asks, to which you scoff.
"You wish!" You all but yell. "Just go. I'll call an Uber."
"It's almost 1am. I'm not letting you get a cab alone," He says bluntly. "Get on the bike, we'll go back to the hotel, and we can pretend like this night didn't happen."
A dry laugh leaves your mouth of its own accord. "I've heard that before," You mutter bitterly.
Without a word, he holds the helmet out to you. You roll your eyes before grabbing it off him and getting on the bike, as much as it pains you to give in. This time, even though you're terrified, you keep your hands firmly on the handles behind you, refusing to let him think you want to touch him. Although it hurts to be back at square one with him, it's easier to focus on being annoyed at him than to realize he's over you.
Once you get back to the resort, you clamber off the bike and pull the helmet off, putting it down where you were sitting. He sits and types on his phone.
"Thanks for the ride," You mumble like a child being forced to show manners.
He just grunts in response.
The next morning at breakfast, you're inwardly stressing as you try to find the perfect opportunity for you to transport the five pregnancy tests in your bag to Sharon's without anyone seeing.
"Y/N, sit down!" Gwen calls out before grabbing your hand and yanking you down onto the empty seat next to her.
You give her a smile. "I actually just need to speak to Shar-"
"Eat first," She cuts you off sternly as she places a pastry onto your plate.
"Ooh, those look good," The person sitting on the other side of you comments. You turn to see none other than Bucky's date, Jean. "Could you please hand me one?"
Of course she's lovely and polite. Fuck's sake.
"Sure," You reply with a smile as you grab the platter and hold it out to her.
She grabs a square croissant and puts it on her plate with a bashful look. "Thank you. God, this is so surreal," She says with flushed cheeks. "I'm just, like, a huge fan of you."
Damn. She's making it really hard to hate her.
"That's so sweet, thank you," You reply.
"It's just crazy being in a room, practically on vacation, with a group of people I look up to," She continues with awe in her eyes. "Oh, I'm Jean, by the way. I... I'm here with... uh..."
"It's alright. I know you're Bucky's date," You tell her with a soft laugh. "I'm not sweating over a six-month situationship I had three years ago, don't worry."
A throat clear behind you. "Morning, everyone," Bucky says, squeezing her shoulders before taking a seat next to her.
"Oops," You whisper to yourself.
"Morning, sunshine," Jean greets him sweetly with a kiss on his cheek before she turns back to you. "So, I have to ask you: what was it like working with the Norman Osborn? Was it everything I dream about?"
"Oh, and more," You answer her emphatically. "He's just... a genius. It sounds cliché, but that's really the only way I can describe him. Being on set with him alone was flabbergasting, but being directed by him? I genuinely felt like a new woman every day. A new actress, should I say."
"Wow. I am so jealous," Jean says. "And the movie was incredible. You're gonna think I'm lying, but I literally watched it in theatres, like, twelve times."
"So, you're who I need to thank for the box office success," You say teasingly.
"You were so robbed at the Oscars this year," She says with a scoff. "Like, I know the other nominees were great, but none of them held a candle to your performance."
"I was just grateful to be nominated," You tell her, giving her the PR-approved response.
She narrows her eyes, leans in, and lowers her voice. "Yeah, but you were also thinking, what the fuck? Right?" Jean whispers. "Don't worry, it's a safe space."
With a delighted laugh, you lightly push her arm. "Of course not," You say, before whispering, "Maybe."
After spending the entirety of breakfast laughing non-stop with Bucky's girlfriend, much to the surprise of everyone, you soon become acutely aware of the tests in your bag.
As everyone gets up to return to their rooms and freshen up before the day's activities, you pull Sharon to a quiet corner. "Hey," You whisper. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay," She answers with a quick nod. "Haven't vomited today, but we'll see how long breakfast lasts."
"Uh, I've got the... things," You utter, giving her a pointed look as you shake your bag.
"Oh! Yeah, great, thank you so much," She says, holding your hands. "How was it with Bucky? I hope it wasn't too awkward? He didn't see, did he?"
Opting not to tell her about how he saw you buying the tests and how you subsequently screamed at him in the street, you nod. "It was fine," You lie. "Do you want them now?"
"Yes," She says, holding her bag open next to yours. "Just... don't be suspicious."
Trying to act casual, angling your bags so that nobody behind can see them, you slowly transport the tests one by one from your bag to hers.
"Fuck, how many did you get?" She asks with wide eyes.
"I figured you'd want to be really sure," You tell her with a shrug as you drop the last one in.
A smile breaks out on her face. "You know me so well," She says, pulling you in for a hug. "Thank you. You're the best."
"Do you wanna take one now?" You ask as you pull away. "I can come with you."
"I'm gonna wait until tomorrow," She tells you. "When Mom's here. I need her with me in case it's... yeah."
"Of course," You say with an understanding nod, though the sentiment doesn't reach your heart. Not having a mom in your life means if you were in Sharon's position, it would be her or Gwen you needed by your side - and for some twisted reason, it has you feeling bitter that you wouldn't be their chosen pregnancy-test aide. You know it's irrational and unfair to feel that way, but you can't help it.
"Okay, let's go back to everyone before they wonder what we're talking about," Sharon chirps as she takes your arm and leads you back to the group.
Jean gasps and rushes over to you when she sees you. "Hey, have you been to the spa yet?" She asks you excitedly.
"I haven't, actually," You tell her. "Been too busy helping Sharon out with wedding stuff."
"You have to come," She says, grabbing your hand. "They are incredible here. Bring Pietro, too - it can be like a double date at the spa!"
Realizing that that means Bucky will also be there, you falter. "Uh, I don't know if Pietro will-"
"If Pietro will what?" The man himself asks as he appears, hugging you from behind.
"Oh, we were talking about spending some time at the spa," Jean tells him. "You're down, right?"
"Absolutely," He answers.
"So, it's settled!" She exclaims with a giddy grin. "We'll meet you there in an hour."
"Can't wait," You say half-heartedly.
You all but melt into the warm hot tub, closing your eyes and letting all your stress go with the steam. Pregnancy tests. Exes. Forget it all.
"Mind if I join?" An all too familiar voice asks.
Opening your eyes, you see Bucky stepping down into the tub. "Doesn't seem like I have a choice," You mutter.
There's a few moments of blissful silence, and you close your eyes again, electing to pretend as though he isn't there. The sound of Pietro and Jean racing laps in the swimming pool fades into the background, and all you can hear is the bubbles fizzing-
"So, a six-month situationship, huh?" Bucky abruptly cuts into your thoughts. "That's how you look at it?"
You let out a deep sigh, refusing to let him bait you into giving him a reaction. "What else would you call it?" You ask him.
He doesn't answer, but you're not foolish enough to think that's the end of the conversation. "So, you pregnant?" He asks bluntly.
"No," You reply.
"Took all five tests?"
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"Were you always this childish?" You ask, opening your eyes to glare at him. "I'm none of your business anymore, Barnes. I haven't been for three years."
He's staring at you. "A heads-up would've been nice," He says bitterly. "Y'know, that 'see you later' actually meant fuck you, I'm done."
"I wasn't done," You correct him gravely. "Though you obviously were."
"Are you kidding me?" He asks with a dry laugh.
"Oh, sorry, all the times you tried so hard to contact me must've got lost in the mail," You say flatly.
"Contact you? And when was the best time? When you were dating your co-star while filming in Australia? Or maybe when you came back and started dating those other schmucks?" He spits.
"You cannot be serious," You say gravely. "Says Mr. 'Dating Three Women At Once'!"
"Really? You of all people believe what the media said?" Bucky asks incredulously.
"Oh, fuck you!" You yell, standing up.
"Fuck you," He returns just as harshly, standing up as well.
He's looking down at you with a look in his eyes you haven't seen since you first met - that day on Steve's yacht when you first debuted your fake relationship to the world. It sends a shiver down your spine. Full of rage and seemingly genuine hatred - and it makes you want to kiss him.
Bucky tries to stay strong, but his eyes betray him, flickering down to look at your drenched, bikini-clad body, the same body he's been missing for three years. He remembers all the places he left marks, and all the places he kissed it better.
"I never forgot how I felt," He says in a hushed, rushed tone.
"You didn't even blink at the possibility of me being pregnant with another man's child," You point out coldly.
"Listen to me," He utters, grabbing your wrist. "I thought about you every single minute. I still do."
"Bucky, shut up," You whisper, highly aware of both Pietro and Jean making their way over.
"Tell me you don't feel the same," He challenges you. "Tell me you don't want anymore. That you don't love me anymore."
"What the fuck, Barnes?" You hiss.
"If you can tell me you don't love me anymore, I won't bring it up again," He says.
You raise a brow.
His jaw clenches for a second. "But if you can't, I'll spend every waking moment getting you back," He finishes.
With a pit in your stomach and a lump in your throat, you shoot him one last glare. "You're too late," You utter before pulling your wrist out of his grip and leaving him there alone.
Friday evening arrives, and with it, the rehearsal dinner. Steve and Sharon's families have also arrived at the resort, meaning there's a lot more people around the table which makes it a heck of a lot easier to ignore Bucky's stares.
"What is going on between you?" Gwen asks you in a hushed voice as you're served by the waiting staff. "He hasn't stopped looking at you all day, with that weird, intense stare. Did you speak to him?"
With a shrug, you pick up your glass of wine. "It's Bucky. He's always weird and intense," You answer lamely.
"Oh, my God. Did he say something to you?" She presses. "You have to tell me. Are you guys... sleeping together?"
"What? No," You answer instantly. "What do you think of me, Gwen?"
"I don't know; when two people with history reconnect, there can be major sparks," She says while cutting into a roasted potato. "All the feelings come rushing back."
Instead of validating her theory with a response, you begin to eat.
"Holy shit. You did reconnect, didn't you?" She hisses. "I knew it!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," You say plainly.
She lets out a sigh. "Look, if you realized that there are still strong feelings between you, that's not a bad thing."
"Not a bad thing? He's got a girlfriend!" You whisper-shout, grateful for the sound of cutlery on porcelain drowning you out.
"Hasn't stopped you before," Gwen lets out before gasping at herself. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I mean - what he had with Natasha wasn't even real-"
"I get it, Gwen, it's fine," You cut in, and the two of you leave it at that.
While you're eating, Sharon gets out of her seat and walks around the table to you, smiling and squeezing the shoulders of everyone she passes on her way. When she gets to you, she brings her mouth to your ear and lowers her voice. "Can you come to the lobby with me?"
Once again, you're filled with anxiety and dread as you follow her out of the room. She holds your hand tight, and neither of you say a word as you walk to the lobby.
"Everything okay?" You ask once you get there, making sure the receptionist is out of earshot.
Sharon takes in a deep breath. "I took the test. Well, all five tests," She begins, a mixture of worry and fear in her eyes. "And... they were all positive."
You slap your hands over your mouth. "Oh, my God!" You all but scream, thankfully muffling your voice with your hands.
"I know!" She exclaims, breathing in and out quickly.
"That's amazing!" You tell her with a wide grin. "Congratulations!"
"Thank you," She whispers with teary eyes.
"Have you told Steve?" You ask her, to which she shakes her head.
"Not yet. I just... I don't know how," She admits. "My mom said I should just tell him, but... what if he gets scared? What if it's too much for him and he gets cold feet?"
"Sharon, that man looks at you like you hung the moon and stars," You tell her, holding her shoulders. "He loves you more than anything. The last thing he would do is leave you alone, especially if he knew the truth. Love isn't something you can just... throw away. Forget about. You can only confront it, and accept it... and... denying yourself of it would be the biggest disservice you could do to yourself."
She narrows her eyes. "Are we still talking about me being pregnant?"
You raise your brows, and let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding in. "I don't know," You say in a small voice.
"Okay, well, I want to do something special for him," She tells you. "He's always planning so many nice surprises for me, and I want to do the same. So, I need your help."
"Anything," You tell her.
A sly grin grows on her face. "I love you," She says.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" You ask her with a frown. "Like you've done something I won't like?"
"Well, I thought you might need some help setting it up," She begins, glancing behind her. "So, I enlisted another pair of hands. The only other person I trust with my life who wouldn't go to the press."
Before you can ask her exactly who she's talking about, none other than Bucky walks into the lobby with an expectant look on his face. "Hey, Sharon. What is it you needed my help with?"
She looks at you with wide, hopeful eyes. "I don't want him to know it's for me, yet," She whispers to you. "Don't want him to know before Steve. You can tell him the truth once Steve knows."
With a sigh, you swallow your pride. "Uh, fuck. It's me, Barnes," You say flatly, hating every second of this. "As it turns out... I am pregnant."
He looks taken aback.
"And she wants to surprise Pietro," Sharon chimes in. "Can you help her set up the surprise on the beach? At this point, we don't want anyone knowing that doesn't need to, or that we don't trust."
With a nod, Bucky keeps his face free of emotion. "Of course."
You're convinced that you died and this is hell, because you've experienced nothing worse than setting up a 'We're Pregnant!' message on the beach with Bucky, who thinks the pregnancy is yours, and that the father is Pietro.
Bucky seems to have an artistic eye as he sets out the flowers around the words in the sand. You're lighting the candles, wondering how it got to this.
"This is so weird," You mumble.
"Yep," He replies curtly. "Didn't imagine this would be happening three years ago."
"It's been a long time," You say. "A lot has changed."
"You haven't," He says, looking down at the sand. "Still just as gorgeous."
A soft laugh leaves your mouth. "Should you be flirting with a pregnant woman?"
Bucky looks up at you, into your eyes. "Do you love him?" He asks you.
You struggle with the lighter, letting out a frustrated huff before answering him. "It started out as just sex," You say truthfully.
"Like us?"
You snort. "I guess."
"Do you love him?" He asks you again.
"Let's... not do this now," You suggest.
He lets out a long sigh and sits up. "When it ended with Natasha... my first thought was you. Carol told me to wait, at least a few weeks, so it didn't look like I was just jumping between you. I also didn't want to overwhelm you, or take attention off the fact that you won the case," He tells you. "Then you left New York to film in Australia. And the rumors about you and Luke... I just thought it would be best to leave you to it. You were working abroad. It wasn't the right time."
"Then I came back, and you were dating someone else," You remember.
"Wasn't dating her," He mumbles. "Emma and I were just friends."
"Well, it didn't look like that, and I didn't wanna reach out just to hear that you had moved on," You tell him truthfully. "I... I don't think I could have handled hearing that. For it to be final. Outlined clearly. I guess it was easier to live with the vagueness. The hope that... maybe we just needed time, and eventually we'd find each other again. But I couldn't listen to you telling me you were with someone else. I just couldn't."
He lets out a shaky breath. "I felt the same," He admits. "I know I'm a fucking coward for not trying harder. And now I'm too late."
"You're not a coward. You were just protecting yourself," You say lowly, before looking around. "I think we're done. Thanks for your help."
"Of course," He mumbles.
Sending Sharon a quick text telling her it's ready, you get up to leave. Bucky begins walking away, a look of dejection on his face, when you grab his hand. "Hold on. Just... wait here with me," You say, pulling him behind a rock.
"What are we doing here?" He asks you with a frown.
"Just wait," You whisper, looking over the rock. A few minutes pass before Sharon and Steve walk out the hotel.
"What are they doing here?" Bucky wonders. "Want me to stall them while you wait for Pietro?"
"Wait," You repeat, feeling the confusion emanate from him.
As Sharon and Steve make their way down to the beach, you hold your breath. Steve seems confused to the babble leaving Sharon's mouth, until they get to the candles and message in the sand. They stop. He's looking down at it. He looks back up at her, and she's grinning at him. With a laugh, he swoops her into his arms and spins her around.
You turn to look at Bucky, who just looks absolutely lost.
"What... they... huh?" He utters.
"The tests weren't for me. They were for Sharon," You reveal. "And this whole thing was for Steve, not Pietro. Sharon was just really scared of everyone finding out, and wanted Steve to know before anyone else."
Bucky's lips part in shock, and he just stares down at you. "So, you and Pietro..."
"We just sleep together every now and then," You admit. "I just... wanted to bring someone in case you brought someone. Which you did."
"Jean and I aren't... we're just friends," He tells you. "We're working on a film together. I mentioned that I wasn't bringing a plus-one, and she asked if she could come with me so she could network."
"So..." You trail off, your heart racing.
"So..." He echoes, raising a brow. "I still love you. I still want you more than I've ever wanted anything else. If I have to spend another three years proving myself to you, I will."
"Bucky... I... I love you, too," You say, the words finally flying free. "I don't want to waste any more time. But... I have a lot to think about," You tell him. "And a conversation to have with Pietro. But I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. The big day," He says, looking as though he's holding back from doing something he wants to do.
"Yeah. Very big," You say awkwardly. "Well... good night."
He takes a step closer to you, and you forget how to breathe. Looking down at you, he cups your cheek in his hand. "Good night," He replies.
Swallowing thickly, you nod.
How the fuck are you supposed to get any sleep tonight?
The wedding ceremony is beautiful. The love Steve and Sharon have for each other is evident in their vows and the way they look at each other, and you can't help but notice the glow on Sharon's face. However, the reception is when the real fun starts.
You've been pouring water shots for Sharon whenever someone wants to do a round with her, because she isn't ready for everyone to know about the baby yet. As her maid of honor, you've barely had a chance to sit down, having to fight all the small fires that arise to make sure she doesn't realize anything's wrong. You're grateful once the cake's been cut and the dance floor fills up, meaning you can finally relax as the party goes on.
"It's so unfair that you're breaking up with me," Pietro whines as he looks you up and down. "In that dress? You're killing me."
"Get a grip, Maximoff," You say with an eye roll.
"C'mon, let's dance!" He says, pulling you onto the dance floor before you have a chance to say no.
It's an upbeat song at first, one that you can simply clap along to so as not to make a fool of yourself - but then the band switches to a slow ballad.
"Everyone, grab someone you care about and let's dance a little slower," The singer says.
Bucky suddenly appears behind Pietro, placing his hand on his shoulder. "Hey, man. Mind if I steal her from you?"
Only looking slightly intimidated, Pietro nods. "Of course, man. Have fun," He says, giving you a grin before walking away.
As the song begins, a rendition of Can't Help Falling In Love, you smile and shake your head. "Did you request this?" You ask him, placing your hands on his shoulder.
"Who? Me?" He asks with faux innocence as he takes your waist in his hands. "I don't know what you mean."
"Cheesy fucker," You mumble, unable to keep the smile on your face.
This song reminds you of one of the best days you ever spent with him - when you met his family. Losing them was another painful thing you had to deal with when you left Bucky, and getting to see them again is one of the things you're most excited about.
"How is everyone?" You ask him. "Rebecca?"
"She's doing well," He says with a smile. "She's a teacher at our old school."
"I miss her," You tell him. "I miss them all."
"We can see them soon," Bucky tells you. "They've never stopped asking me about you. Ma will probably faint when I tell her you're mine for real this time."
"I'm yours?" You ask teasingly. "Prove it, Mr. Barnes."
He lets out a breathy laugh before moving in closer, holding your body to his, and bringing his lips to yours in a soft kiss. It was everything you've been missing and more. You feel just as safe with him as you did all those years ago.
When he pulls away, he shakes his head. "I can't believe I ever thought I could keep you at a distance. At the start, when I did everything I could to ignore my feelings," He says. "All you ever were was perfect. And I let fear keep me from being with you."
"We both did," You tell him. "And nobody can blame us. We'd never been in love before. Never thought we ever would be. But you came into my life, and... you taught me love. Showed me what it's supposed to be. And I want to spend my life loving you, without judgement, without hiding from the world. I love you, Jamie. No amount of time could have ever changed that. I never moved on, never forgot. I'll always be yours."
"And I'll always be yours," Bucky swears. "I'm gonna look after you, always. I went through life without feeling anything real before I met you. And you made me feel it all. Anger, hate, irritation."
"Damn," You utter lowly.
"Joy, appreciation, love," He adds with a smile. "It's like I was only pretending to feel those things before you made me really feel them. You lit a fire in me. Made me real. You made me real. I want to spend the rest of my life thanking you for that."
"I wish I could tell the Bucky from three and a half years ago that he'd be saying all this one day," You say with a grin. "He'd lose his fucking mind."
"Ah, he was a dick," He says flippantly. "Didn't know a thing."
"He was a dick," You agree, leaning in. "But... he was also really good in bed."
A smirk pulls at his lips. "Yeah? You enjoyed getting hate-fucked by him, didn't you?"
You bite down on your lip, squeezing his shoulders. "So. Much," You utter.
Bucky glances around the thinning-out dance floor and looks back at you. "How about, once we're done here, I take you up to one of the rooms, and fuck you like I hate you?" He suggests, sending a shiver down your spine. "What do you say? For old time's sake?"
With a grin, and ruined panties, you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him before repeating, "For old time's sake."
super long a/n incominggggg
the fucking end.
so here we are. i am so not emotionally prepared to say goodbye to real people. the past eighteen weeks have felt so, so incredible (eighteen weeks??? they went so quick omg), and exactly what peak tumblr felt like for me, back in the method acting and suburban pleasure days. for those who have been following me for a while, you probably noticed i took an extremely long hiatus starting in about 2023, only really posting the odd one-shot here and there. real people was my first series back and . oh my God. the support was instant and overwhelming. it felt like a community again. my love for writing was reignited and, though there were one or two weeks when i hit writer's block and had to rush to get a chapter out, for the most part it genuinely felt like this series wrote itself. the storyline of actors fake dating has been sitting in my drafts for literal years. since before my marvel era. since before my anakin era. since an era none of you knew... my harry styles era. yep. i had a really weak intro drafted of a harry styles fanfic with the same concept. it was just called "real". and that was in like... 2016/17. so to be here now, almost a decade later, with a full series based on 16-year-old kinana's idea written and complete that I'm so proud of is so damn surreal. I genuinely would not have been able to write this without your love and support so thank you to everyone who commented and reblogged and sent me lovely messages week in and week out. you are the reason this series exists. i hope i can continue to bring you more stories. i might take a short break from posting anything for a few weeks, work on some drafts. maybe think up a new series. and work on some old ones. i'll see you soon. i love you all.
you're popular among horror fans. he's well-respected among film critics. though you work in the same industry, you couldn't be more different - but your managers think a pr romance is just what your careers need.
content warning: actor!bucky x actress!reader, mature themes, fake dating, enemies to lovers, angst, mention of revenge porn.
Series Masterlist
Series Playlist
"I can't even begin to express how angry I am," Pepper says lowly. "Why would you do this to yourself? And before you roll your fucking eyes at me, just take a second to realize what it is you're putting at risk - this isn't just about looking like a homewrecker in the media, this could affect your case and lead to Thor winning. Do you get that?"
You sit and stare out at the water as the waves crash on the beach. Usually, you'd think Pepper was just overreacting and being a control freak, but this is the first time in your career that you know she's right. You thought you could sneak around with Bucky during the point in your career when you're under the most scrutiny and not get caught, and now you see how foolish that was. How foolish you were.
"I don't care what you do once the case is won and once his contract with Natasha is over - but right now, you are on strict lockdown. You will not travel without me knowing, you will not meet anyone without me knowing - you will eat, sleep, and breathe only with my permission," She says firmly, taking you aback. "Yeah. It's written into our contract of employment, actually. I never thought I'd have to exercise it, but you leave me no choice. You're reckless and it could ruin us all, so for the next however many months, you're effectively grounded."
An instinct in you wants you to protest - to scream about how she can't do that to you - but deep down, you know that it's probably best. You have nothing left - no pride, no strength, no ego. Nothing to give you the ammunition to argue with her, so all you can do is obey.
"Can I... can I at least just call him once last time to explain?" You ask her, barely recognizing yourself because of how weak and small you sound. "If I just disappear on him, he'll only try and find me and make it worse."
She sighs and rubs her temples for a few seconds before responding. "Five minutes," She utters with her eyes closed.
You rush out of your seat and out of the beach restaurant, making your way to the shore where you can be sure nobody is around with a hidden camera. After dialling his number, you hold the phone up to your ear, sitting down on the sand. It rings once. Twice. Eight times before the robotic voice comes through telling you to leave your message at the tone.
"Fuck," You whisper just as the tone sounds out. "Uh... shit, I really didn't want this to be a voicemail. Actually, it's probably easier this way. Or maybe that's the coward in me. Hey, Jamie. God, this sucks. I'm so sorry to be leaving you this message but... I don't really have much time. Pepper's putting me on lockdown, meaning I can't do anything at all without her knowing. Which means, uh, I can't see you. For like, a few months. During the trial and I guess until you and Natasha break up. I won't even be able to call or text you, let alone see you. So I guess... this is me saying goodbye? Not forever, but... for a while. And I don't just want you to sit around and wait for me, so... I think it has to be over between us." You wince at your own words, trying to keep calm and not cry while you're still on the phone. "I'm sorry it has to be like this. I have to go now. I love you. I hope you'll still... I'll see you later."
With that, you hang up, immediately regretting everything you said and all the things you didn't say.
"I've upset you, haven't I?" Gwen reads off the script from behind the camera. "Talk to me. You know you can trust me."
"Last Tuesday, when you were high out of your mind, you said something," You say. "It seemed like you were... asking for more than just friendship from me. As if you... might even..." You trail off, unable to get Bucky out of your head for even a single minute. The script hits too close to home, and before you know it, you're crying for the eighth time today.
Gwen turns the camera off and comes around to hug you, letting out a sigh. "It's alright, honey, we can leave it for today," She says, stroking your hair. "You've got until the end of the week to send your audition tape in, right?"
"End of the month," You correct her between sobs.
"Right, so let's just take it easy today," She says.
"I just hate how I left it," You cry. "Hate that it was a voicemail. I can just... see him listening to it."
"And you can't at least text him?" Gwen asks.
"Pepper took all my phones," You tell her, wiping your face.
"I can't believe she can do that," She says with a huff. "You're basically under house arrest, but stricter."
"She wouldn't if it wasn't in my best interest," You say as you walk over to the couch. "As much as it sucks, it's what I need. I don't trust myself not to contact him, or do something else to fuck up the case."
"I could never be a celebrity," She mutters as she sits next to you on the couch and rests her head on your shoulder. "Remember when I tried to be an influencer for, like, a month? One mean comment and I took down my account."
You snort. "It was barely even a mean comment. Someone just asked why you were eating fro-yo for breakfast," You point out.
"I could sense the judgement!" She claims, before humming. "Maybe I shouldn't go on that date with Peter, after all."
"What? But you've been crushing on him for, like, ever," You say. "He's a pretty private guy, anyway. You could probably date him for a good few months before anyone found out. Then just break up with him over fucking voicemail and everything will go back to normal."
With a wince, she wraps her arms around you, hugging you tight. "It'll be over soon. Once Thor's behind bars, you're free to do what you want," She says calmly.
"What if Bucky catches feelings for Natasha? If I'm out of sight, out of mind, and he forgets how he feels about me?" You wonder as your thoughts spiral. "He's been friends with her for years. They probably have chemistry - more than I had with him at the start. Oh, God."
"Y/N," Gwen says firmly, grabbing your face and forcing you to make eye contact with her. "D'you think you'd ever forget how you feel about him?"
"Never," You answer instantly.
"So, how could he forget about you when he feels the same?" She asks you pointedly. "If anything was gonna happen between him and Natasha, it would've happened by now."
You let out a long sigh, knowing she's right but still refusing to let go of your frustration. Resting on her arm, you mumble, "Got court tomorrow. Can you come with?"
"Of course," She replies, holding you tight. "Love you."
"Thanks," You utter. "Love you, too."
The sight of Thor sitting smugly in his tight suit is one the worst parts of being in court. Every time he walks in, he can't help but look directly at you, silently telling you that he can't wait to win and he has no doubt that he will. You sit next to Andy, your lawyer, with Pepper and Gwen behind you in the stands. There are some journalists but no cameras, just the court artist in the corner sketching away.
It's been fifteen minutes and you're ready to go home. The past few sessions have started to feel like the same points are being made over and over again, and you're bored of Thor's lawyer, Gregory Hyde, trying to make you out as a liar.
"I'd like to call a new witness to the stand, Your Honor," Gregory announces, catching your attention.
The judge permits it and Gregory gives the officers at the doors a nod. You hear the heavy doors open as you continue facing forward, wondering which PA or extra they've managed to pay off to speak out against you this time.
"Your Honour, and the Jury, I present James Barnes," Gregory says, and you feel like your heart has stopped beating.
Sitting up, you turn your head to see Bucky walking down the aisle, a look of shame and discomfort on his face. Gwen gasps behind you.
"What the fuck?" You hiss to Andy, who just shakes his head.
You know just by looking at Bucky that he doesn't want to be here - he must not have been given a choice. He spares you a glance as he walks past you, led by an officer onto the witness stand. Taking in deep breaths, you do your best to remain calm, refusing to give Thor and his lawyers the reaction they want.
A court official stands in front of Bucky and asks him, "Do you swear that any answers you give today are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"
Bucky swallows. "Yes," He replies.
You feel sick to your stomach.
Gregory makes his way up to the front of the court, hands in his pockets and a look on his face even more smug than Thor's. "Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes. Could you tell me the name of that woman sitting over there?" He asks, pointing at you.
You meet Bucky's eyes and immediately regret it, quickly looking down at your lap instead.
Bucky answers, giving him your full name.
"And could you please tell the jury what your relationship to Y/N is?" Gregory questions.
"We used to date," Bucky answers flatly.
"Right. And was this before or after she was with Mr. Odinson, do you know?" Gregory further presses.
Bucky takes a second to reply. "After," He says.
"Did she cheat on you with Thor?" Gregory throws at him. "I'm just trying to get the timeline right here."
"She did not cheat on me, ever. Not once we entered an exclusive relationship together," He answers firmly.
"Would you say you and Y/N were close, Mr. Barnes?" Gregory asks.
"Yes," Bucky replies stiffly.
"And did she ever express discomfort with being filmed or photographed by yourself?" Gregory throws at him.
Bucky's jaw clenches. "She told me that what Thor did was a complete violation of her trust," He says firmly. "She didn't give him consent to film her."
Gregory simply nods. "I'm referring to your relationship with her, Mr. Barnes," He explains. "Did Y/N ever allow you to take photos or videos of her during intimate moments?"
Taking in a deep breath, Bucky sighs. "She may have, on some occasions," He answers vaguely.
Gregory takes a step back and picks up the small remote control for the television to the left of the judge. "Why don't we all take a look at this?" He calls out, before flicking to the next picture - and it makes your stomach twist.
It's from Ljubljana- someone took a photo of the two of you in the wildflower meadow post-sex, when Bucky was taking pictures of you. Whispers emerge across the courtroom and some members of the jury make some notes. You could scream.
"Order!" The judge demands, banging his gavel before giving Gregory nod. "Proceed with the questioning, Mr. Hyde."
"Mr. Barnes, can you confirm whether that is yourself and Y/N in that picture?" Gregory asks him, failing to hide the smirk from his face.
Bucky looks just as taken aback by you as he stares at the photo. "Uh, yeah. That's us," He replies.
"As you can tell by both your states of undress, it seems like you're taking pictures of Y/N post-coitus - is that right?" Gregory asks.
"Objection, Your Honor," Andy finally intervenes, standing up. "Relevance?"
The judge holds his hand up and says, "Overruled. Continue, Mr. Hyde."
You want nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow you whole as you shrink into yourself. This is worse than you thought - lower than you thought Thor's team would go.
"So, Mr. Barnes, please answer the question: is this a photo of you taking a picture on your phone of Y/N post-coitus? During what seems to be an intimate moment?"
"She knew I was taking the picture-"
"It's a simple yes or no, Mr. Barnes," Gregory cuts him off.
Bucky looks like he wants to kill him. "Yes," He utters.
"Right. So, we can all agree that Y/N is known to partake in creating evidence of her sexual activity," Gregory says, facing the jury.
"That moment between us has nothing to do with what Thor did without Y/N's consent," Bucky spits.
"I'm not suggesting it does," Gregory replies simply. "I'm just establishing the fact that Y/N has previously allowed - even encouraged - intimate images to be taken of her. This is a pattern of behaviour."
It looks like Bucky is struggling to put his words together, which is painful to see. "She trusted me. She consented to the photos being taken. She knew that I wouldn't leak them. Thor filmed her without her knowledge-"
"That's all for now, Mr. Barnes," Gregory interrupts him, looking awfully proud of himself as he turns to the judge. "That'll be all for this witness, Your Honor."
"Mr. Barber, will you be cross-examining the witness?" The Judge asks Andy, who nods and stands.
That feeling of nausea still sits in your stomach. You can't bring yourself to look at Bucky. Andy walks out to the front, calm, cool, and collected. Having not prepared for this situation with him, you have no idea how he's going to handle this and whether questioning Bucky will even do any good for you.
"Mr. Barnes, we know you took this photo of Y/N," Andy says, gesturing to the screen. "You said earlier that she trusted you."
Though he knows he can trust your lawyer, Bucky is still on edge. "Yes," He replies lowly.
"Did you ever share that picture with anyone else?" Andy asks him.
"No," Bucky answers without hesitation.
"Did she give you her permission to post or share it publicly?" Andy continues.
"No," Bucky answers.
"Did you ever record Y/N during sex or intimacy without her knowledge?"
"Never."
"And if, let's say, a former lover of hers had done so, and then shared that recording against her will, would you consider that a violation of her trust?" Andy questions him, walking closer to the witness stand.
"I would consider it a disgusting betrayal," Bucky tells him bluntly.
Andy doesn't say anything for a few moments, letting Bucky's words hang in the air for a while. Some members of the jury make notes. You turn back to look at Pepper, who gives you a reassuring nod, though the concern in her eyes is unmissable.
"Mr. Barnes, as a public figure, you must know what it's like to be followed, harassed, and have your words and actions manipulated by the media," Andy begins again.
"All too well," Bucky replies with a nod.
"And so, in your relationship with Y/N, did you have boundaries? Did she make it known when something crossed the line?" Andy asks him.
"She was always honest with me about what she needed and wanted," Bucky says.
"Would you say she's a person that values privacy?" Andy wonders.
"Absolutely," Bucky answers quickly. "Like most people in her line of work. Privacy is important to her and so is being able to own the way she's portrayed by the media."
"And so, if she was to allow for an intimate moment to be captured by a lover, would you say that's her being careless? Or is it more a sign of comfort with that person?" Andy says, in an attempt to make the difference between Bucky and Thor astronomically clear.
For the first time, Bucky meets your eyes, and it's like time stops for a second. He keeps his eyes on you as he says, "It meant she trusted me. That she knew I'd never do anything to hurt her."
"Right," Andy mumbles, taking a few steps back towards the jury. "Mr. Barnes, when was the last time you saw Y/N before the tape was leaked?"
"We were broken up, but I saw her at a party," Bucky says. "She was actually speaking to Thor and from the looks of it, rejecting his advances."
"Objection!" Gregory yells out. "Speculation, Your Honor."
The Judge nods, holding his palm up. "Objection sustained. Mr. Barnes, please refrain from making assumptive comments. Continue."
Eager to move on, Andy nods. "When Y/N found out about the leaked tape, did she speak with you about it? If so, how did she react?"
"Well, like I said, we uh, we had broken up when it happened, so she didn't call me until a few days later. I'd never heard her sound so panicked," Bucky recalls, a look of pain on his face as he thinks back to that day. "She sounded broken, and exhausted."
"Did she seem proud of what happened? Happy at the publicity it gave her?" Andy asked, echoing the points that Thor's team have been making since the start of the case.
"She was humiliated," Bucky corrects him. "Ashamed. Even though she had nothing to be ashamed of."
"Do you know of her profiting from the leak in any way?" Andy presses.
"The opposite. She lost work because of it," Bucky tells him. "And she told me she was afraid she wouldn't be taken seriously in the industry."
"And did she ever tell you that she knew she was being filmed?" Andy asks him.
"No. She was completely blindsided," Bucky answers flatly.
"So if Mr. Odinson is claiming that Y/N knew she was being filmed, do you agree with that?"
"No," Bucky says curtly.
"And did Y/N ever give you a reason to doubt her honesty?" Andy questions.
Bucky remains firm. "Never."
"So, just to be clear," Andy says, facing the jury. "Mr. Barnes, a man who loved and trusted Y/N, asked for her permission for any intimate photos he might have taken of her. And he kept his word by keeping those photos private. Yet Mr. Odinson, who filmed her without her knowledge or consent, and then leaked that footage in a textbook act of revenge porn fuelled by his anger of her rejection, wants you to believe that he acted with consent and approval. The truth is plain and simple, ladies and gentlemen of the Jury." With that, he walks back towards you. "That'll be all, Your Honor," He calls out before lowering his mouth down to your ear. "We've got this fucker."
You're sitting on the roof of Pepper's house, smoking a cigarette by yourself. The almost black sky is lit up by stars, and a cool breeze strokes your skin. After the day you've had in court, Pepper didn't want you at home by yourself, so she brought you to her place to stay a few nights while you're still on lockdown.
You hear the stairs creaking before the hatch up to the roof opens, and expecting Pepper or one of her PAs, you remain still, staring up at the sky. It isn't until they sit next to you and the smell of his aftershave hits you that you realize it's him.
"Jamie, what the fuck are you doing here?" You ask as you turn to him. "If Pepper finds out-"
"Pepper invited me," He cuts you off, allowing you to relax a little before he frowns. "Since fucking when do you smoke?"
You snort, glancing down at the cigarette. "I quit a while ago, but desperate times," You utter before taking another drag.
"Here," He says, holding out his hand. When you give it to him, you half-expect him to toss it off the roof, but he surprises you and takes a drag.
"Since when do you smoke?" You throw back at him, used to him treating his body like a temple.
"Desperate times," Bucky echoes, smoke leaving his mouth with the words as he hands the cigarette back to you. You continue sharing it, handing it back and forth in a peaceful silence before you throw the butt away.
"How have you been?" You ask him carefully, once the silence stops being peaceful and begins dangerously venturing into awkward territory. It's been a week since you left him that voicemail, and it's all you can think about.
"Awful," Bucky answers truthfully. "Not as bad as you, of course, but... fuck, I miss you."
You bite your lip and nod. "I'm sorry about today. I had no idea they'd bring you in," You say.
"It's not your fault, baby," He mumbles, rubbing your back. "I just hope I didn't say anything that fucked it up for you."
"You were perfect," You tell him. "Andy was actually really glad they brought you in. He says it gave him an opportunity to show the jury just how bad what Thor did was."
"Oh, by comparing it to our perfect relationship?" He asks teasingly.
"You were perfect," You repeat with a whisper, resting your head on his shoulder. "Thank you. I... it was rough seeing you up there getting questioned by Hyde, but it... I always feel better when you're in the room. Makes me feel like everything will be okay."
"Because it will be," He promises, wrapping his arm around you. "I'll make sure of it."
"How are things with... Natasha?" You ask, almost nervous to say her name out loud as if it will unleash his feelings for her and make him realize he wants her more than you.
"Fine," He replies, his tone a little curt. "Just a few months left."
"Months are so long," You mumble. "Do you... have fun with her?"
He doesn't reply instantly, which makes you want to die. You lift your head up so you can see the look on his face. It's blank.
"Do you think you could catch feelings for her?" You ask him plainly.
His face drops as he meets your eyes. "Y/N," He utters lowly. "I am in love with you."
"But... you're friends with her. She's beautiful and talented," You list off.
"Like all the other women I work with," Bucky says. "Am I gonna go fall in love with all of them, too?"
You shrug. "Maybe."
He snorts, shaking his head. "I wish you could see into my mind," He mumbles.
"So, describe it to me," You request. "Your mind."
"There's a huge shrine in there, dedicated to you," He tells you, pulling you onto his lap with your legs on either side of his. "And the sound of your name bouncing around. Every minute. Just you. Like some old TV channel that only plays reruns of the same show, except every episode you watch, no matter how many times you've seen it, you spot something new. I am in love with you, and that isn't a feeling that ever dulls or that I could ever be distracted from."
You smile down at him with your hands on his shoulders. "Yeah, same," You utter.
"That's all I get?" He wonders with a raised brow.
"I love you," You whisper, giving him a soft kiss before pulling back with a frown. "Pepper only let you come over because she knows I needed it. Once you leave, this is like... goodbye. I'm so sorry about the voicemail. It was terrible."
"It's my fault for not picking up. I was filming," He tells you. "I... listened to it over and over, all week, just to hear your voice. Even though it killed me to hear you so hurt."
"I don't want you to go," You say, clinging onto him. "I just want to be yours. I don't wanna wait."
"I know, baby," Bucky says against your lips. "I tried to get out of it, but-"
"It's not your fault," You tell him, before frowning. "Actually, it is. If you weren't so stubborn about not being in a relationship, we wouldn't be in this mess. So fuck you, Barnes."
"I'm sorry," He says with a wince. "I should've known better. Should've known from the moment I met you that you'd sink your claws into me."
"I just hate it when you kiss her," You admit with a whisper, looking down. "It... feels horrible. I know it's not real, but you're both really good actors, so it looks fucking real."
Bucky cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. He's hoping the words he doesn't have the strength to say reach you with his kiss. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I love you.
A sudden rapping on the hatch makes you jump away from his lips.
"Time to go, Barnes!" Pepper's muffled voice comes from within.
"Shit," You whisper, getting off his lap and standing up.
"Aw, fuck," Bucky mumbles, standing up too.
"I did mean what I said in the voicemail," You say, unable to look him in the eyes. "I think we should... have a clean break. No waiting around or strings attached. Definitely no sex. Just... wait it out. Until your contract's over. I don't want to give the media any more ammunition."
He nods, knowing you're right. "I think that's what best," He says, even though it kills him to say it.
"That means no contact," You clarify, looking up at him. "Not until the dust from everything has settled and we can be together freely."
"Yeah," He whispers with a nod.
"I... I'm gonna miss you," You say as your eyes well up. "A lot."
"I'm gonna miss you, too," He responds, taking a step towards you and taking your hand. "Just know that whenever you think of me, I'll be thinking of you, too. Got the shrine up here, remember?"
"I love you, Jamie," You tell him. "I always will, no matter what."
"I love you, my gorgeous girl," He replies, stroking your cheek. "Always."
"I... I guess I'll see you later?" You wonder, your heart thudding.
He rushes forward and gives you a kiss. It feels final. When he pulls back, he looks wrecked, still holding your hand when he says, "I'll see you later."
damn </3
i no longer have a taglist, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
you're popular among horror fans. he's well-respected among film critics. though you work in the same industry, you couldn't be more different - but your managers think a pr romance is just what your careers need.
warning: actor!bucky x actress!reader, mature themes, enemies to lovers, secret dating, forbidden love, fluff, hurt/comfort, angst.
Series Playlist
Series Masterlist
THE PRICE OF FAME: Y/N Looks Worse For Wear In Sex Tape Trial
Attached to the headline is a court drawing of you with your head lowered, looking defeated. It makes Bucky want to hurt everyone who's at fault for you being in that position - especially Thor. The media has taken a side in the case and isn't being subtle about which side that is, with most of the Internet still focusing on the idea that you cheated on Bucky, thus the sex tape was either deserved or a strategic move from you in an attempt to garner attention.
"Can't I at least clear her name?" Bucky asks o sits opposite him. "Let everyone know that she never cheated on me?"
"Absolutely not," Carol replies firmly. "Natasha's management were very clear with their conditions for the contract. They don't want any funny business and absolutely no reason for the public to think you're cheating on her with Y/N."
"The PR statement we both released when we 'broke up' said we still cared about each other and we'd still be friends," He reminds her. "The PR statement you told me to post."
"Everyone that breaks up says that, Buck!" She exclaims. "It doesn't actually mean anything; it's just something you say when you don't want anyone to look like the bad guy."
Bucky releases a sigh, sitting back in his chair. "I really care about her, C," He says candidly. "I want to support her. Publicly. She doesn't deserve what she's going through, at all."
Carol lets out a sigh of her own, choosing her words carefully. "Look, Buck, I love the girl, I really do- but this is kind of what she is. She fulfilled her part of the contract, boosted your popularity, made you seem appealing to young women everywhere, and that's that. If you spent any longer with her, something like this sex tape scandal would've happened, and you'd be dragged right down to her level."
"Down to her level? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Bucky asks, narrowing his eyes.
"I know you want to help her, but it's too risky," She replies, leaning forward. "You're lucky Thor didn't press charges against you for what happened on New Year's. And that was the second time you've been caught on film in a physical fight within the space of a few months - we have spent years curating and perfecting your image. You once told me you wanted to achieve greatness. Don't let our hard work go to waste. Not everyone makes it out of their TV show bubble - you did. Don't waste it."
Holding back an eye roll, Bucky irritatingly taps the arms of his chair. "I want to end the contract," He says simply, to which Carol laughs heartily.
"End it? Oh, please. We'd lose all our respect and credibility in this industry. In fact, Grayson wanted to talk to me about extending it," She counters, causing a brief, cold silence to fill the room.
Bucky feels nauseous. "Extending?" He repeats, the word feeling like poison, burning his throat.
"Elongating. Lengthening. Prolonging," She says with a soft laugh.
Bucky does not find the humor in it. Instead, he clenches his jaw and glares at her. "No fucking way," He utters lowly.
She huffs, shaking her head. "This has been our plan since the very beginning, Barnes. You always said you weren't interested in having a real relationship, so we agreed that, if the timing and the person was right, you'd 'settle down' with someone on your level to boost your image," She reminds him. "It's just like an arranged marriage; people do it all the time. Almost every celebrity couple right now started out as a PR stunt. Half of them only see each other at events and can't stand each other - but at least you and Natasha are good friends already, so it won't be hard for you to sell it. You'll seem to be in a normal relationship, but it'll be just another job. Married without the responsibilities, and you can do whatever you want in your private life. Maybe you'll even have kids. Your time with Y/N will become a mere blip in your career - a trivia question about odd celebrity pairings. Bizarre to think about because you've been married to Natasha for 20 happy, faithful, power-couple years. It's what we've been planning for your entire career."
For a few moments, Bucky is speechless. A few phrases she said stick out in his mind. Arranged marriage. Kids. But the most egregious part of what Carol just said - the part that cuts him the deepest and makes him want to turn the knife back on her - was the part about you being nothing more than a blip during his career. As if you could ever be a mistake - a mark on his record. A stain he tried to get rid of. That thought haunts him. The idea that you could ever spend enough time apart to become drops in the ocean of each other's lives makes him sick to his stomach. He doesn't want to be a drop in your ocean - he wants to be your ocean.
"Bucky," Carol speaks a little softly. "Look, if you've changed your mind or aren't ready yet, that's fine. I'll turn down the extension idea. But there's still no way we're cutting this contract short."
He doesn't look at her, and he doesn't reply.
WAS #BUCKTASHA THE BEST DRESSED COUPLE TONIGHT? WE THINK SO!
You put your phone down with a bitter sigh before refilling your shot glass. Another award show, another night of putting on and pretending that everything's okay while you watch the man you love walk the red carpet with another woman and listen to the press yelling disgusting questions to you as their cameras flash incessantly.
At least at the after party, you've found a corner of peace. Everyone's inside while you're in the middle of a maze in the garden with nothing but a bottle of vodka keeping you company. You are slightly concerned that you might not find your way out of the maze by morning, but that's a problem for the future version of yourself to deal with.
Just as you take another shot, ditching the glass and going straight for the bottle, you hear a rustling in the bushes. You sit upright on the plinth of the statue you're resting on, hoping it's just a rodent rather than someone who's going to try and strike up a conversation with you.
The first thing you notice is blonde hair, then a yellow dress, and as she gets closer, you realize it's Sharon. She grins when she sees you. "Hey!" She exclaims, walking over. "What are you doing out here alone?"
You shrug, looking up at the moon. "Just needed a bit of air. Been a long night of socializing," You tell her.
"Ugh, I get it," She says with a huff as she sits next to you and takes the bottle from you. "My social battery is at zero."
"So, you don't mind if we just drink without talking?" You ask.
"No, I want to talk to you!" Sharon whines, nudging your shoulder. "I mean my social battery for, like, people I have to fake it with. Put on a big smile and pretend I'm soooo happy that I was nominated for three awards and won zero. But I can just be real with you. We can be real people together, right?"
You sigh and nod, oddly comforted by her presence. Maybe because she reminds you of Gwen.
"Great!" She squeals, giving you a quick hug before drinking some of your vodka and wincing. "Bleuch. Anyway, how are you?" Her face falls and she turns her whole body towards you, taking your hand in here. "I know you're going through it right now. Fuck that fucking basketball asshole. I hope he rots in jail for what he did."
"Me, too," You whisper, looking down at the grass.
"But you still look absolutely amazing," She says, squeezing your hand. "The world might be a huge prick right now, but trust me, once you win, they'll all be like, oh, I was always on Y/N's side, I never doubted her, believe women. So fake."
"Mhm," You reply, taking the bottle back from her and having another shot. "I'm not sure I'll win anymore. I was at the start, but his team is ruthless. They're pulling shit I never expected them to. I'm starting to feel like... I'm just floating in space, without a tether, getting further and further away from Earth, and one day, I'll be too far gone to even hope that I'll be able to come back."
Sharon's eyes are wide. "Woah," She utters. "I... think the microdose of LSD I took was stronger than I thought it would be."
You snort, before raising a brow. "Got any more?"
"Sharon!" A male voice calls out from somewhere out in the maze, making you both jump slightly.
"I'm in the middle!" She yells back, before looking back at you and lowering her voice to a normal level. "But you have Bucky, right?"
You frown. "What?"
"You know, you said you feel like you don't have a tether to pull you back home," She explains. "Isn't that what Bucky is?"
Your lips part but you say nothing, trying to process her words.
"There you are!" The voice is a lot clearer as the source appears: Steve Rogers.
"Here we are!" Sharon sings back, swaying her legs. "Come, come, come, my love. But only if you're willing to be incredibly real, raw, and honest, like us."
Steve's eyebrows raise up and he nods, walking further in. "I'll do my best," He says, sitting on the other side of you. "You girls doing okay?"
"Yes!" Sharon replies.
You look at each of them with a frown. "So, have you guys stayed friends since Sunset Lake?" You wonder. "I didn't realize the cast was still so close to each other."
"Well, we haven't been in like, regular contact this whole time," Sharon explains, reaching behind you to scratch Steve's head with a coy smile on her face. "But, since the reunion, we've been seeing each other."
"Oh," You say with wide eyes. "Like... seeing seeing each other?"
She comes closer and whispers in your ear, "Like, he fucks my brains out every weekend."
You snort, shaking your head. "Oh, my God. Fifteen-year-old me would scream if she knew that you two would end up together."
"How about if she knew we were together during the show?" Sharon says teasingly, making you gasp.
"You're lying," You say.
She stands up and spins around, shaking her head. "Nope. Little Steve and Little Sharon were in love at first sight," She says as though she's reciting a fairytale. "But the evil King and Queen - AKA the producers of the show - refused to let them be together, for they had other plans for Little Sharon - she was to date Prince Bucky, their prized possession, to prove to the kingdom that he was the most eligible bachelor and because it's what the people wanted."
Steve takes the vodka from you, a small smile on his face as he watches her, while you're just shocked at what you're hearing.
"But Little Steve was determined - he couldn't let the love of his life slip through his fingers, so he'd steal her away whenever possible," She continues, dancing around the garden. "Give her quick little kisses between scenes when nobody was looking. Sneak her love letters. Climb into her bedroom at night. It was thrilling, until it wasn't. Until it got too much for him to see her with the Prince. He got upset, and lashed out at the King and Queen. Destroyed fifteen grand worth of filming equipment."
"And then they killed me off," Steve adds bitterly before taking a swig of vodka.
"That's why you got written off?" You ask him in shock. "I thought it was because you got cast in Daydreamers. I was so angry at you for leaving the show!"
"Nope, the filming schedule fit perfectly into the Sunset schedule, but it was released at the same time as the new season," He says with a shrug. "Made it seem like that was why I left Sunset."
"And Little Sharon was heartbroken. Her parents forbade her from seeing Little Steve, after being threatened by the producers that if we were ever caught together, Little Sharon would be written off the show, too," She says, stopping her dancing as she catches her breath. "And back then, Sunset was everything to me. I thought it was my one and only shot - the only chance I would get to continue Aunt Peggy's legacy. So I stopped seeing Steve."
"And as immature and hot-tempered as I was, I blamed her. Thought she didn't want me anymore," Steve says, looking down at the bottle in his hands. "It was over, and we didn't speak for years."
"Until the reunion," Sharon says as a wide grin spills out on her lips, and she begins to dance again. "Big Steve and Big Sharon locked eyes and they knew that their feelings back then weren't just some teenaged infatuation. It was real love back then, and it was still alive now."
"Wow," You breathe out. "I can't believe this. You have to tell me all the Sunset gossip - I want to know everything!"
"Let's leave that for another day," Sharon suggests as she floats over to Steve and sits on his lap. "How are you doing, Y/N?"
Steve pats your shoulder. "I know how hard it is, having to see them with someone else. Pretending it doesn't affect you," He says. "But you're doing really well."
It feels like a relief to be with people who know the full truth - people you can trust not to tell another soul. "It's shitty. And I do feel like destroying fifteen grand worth of filming equipment when I see them together," You say with a sigh. "It's just even worse that the whole world is rooting for them. His fans never liked me being with him, but the fact that they love her so much... it just makes me wonder if they're right. Maybe she is what he deserves, and not someone who just... would just embarrass him."
"Woah, woah," Sharon cuts in with a frown. "Where did that come from?"
"It's true. I'm not... I'm not on your guys' level," You say, struggling to word your thoughts. "He's this huge, Oscar-winning actor with incredible roles, hardly ever seen in public, posts one thing on his Instagram every two months... he's exclusive, and classy, and respected. And I'm... there's a fucking sex tape out there of me. I get arrested every two months. I party with fucking Instagram models and I'm on the cover of shitty gossip mags every week. Bucky and I are worlds apart. I'd just ruin his reputation."
Sharon gets off Steve's lap and squats down in front of you, grabbing your hands in hers with a stern look on her face. "Do not talk about yourself like that," She orders you strictly. "You are an incredible actress, and now that I've met you, I can say you're an incredible person. With the shit you've got going on, nobody else would still be as composed and as classy as you're being. I know Bucky very well, and I know he doesn't just fall for anyone."
"She's right," Steve chimes in, nudging your arm gently. "I've known you for a long time, and Bucky even longer. I never told you this, but that first time we worked together - what was it, five years ago? - I remember thinking how much you reminded me of him."
"You're lying," You mumble, fighting away the smile.
"I'm being serious," He assures you. "You can even ask him yourself - I didn't say it to you at the time, but I remember catching up with him over lunch while we were still filming our movie, and I brought it up to him. Told him how I was working with this new actress who was just getting her first big break, and how great she was. And how I thought if he met you, he'd love you, too."
"And what did he say?" You ask with a raised brow.
Steve snorts. "I think you can guess. Something along the lines of, I have better things to do than meet random extras in your films."
"Random extras?" You say with a gasp, laughing. "God, he was such a dick."
"He's softened up a bit, now," Steve tells you with a wink.
"Now that he loves you," Sharon says teasingly, poking your leg.
"Yeah," You whisper.
"I know these next few months are gonna suck," Steve begins, wrapping an arm around you. "But you'll get through them. And not by yourself- with me, with Sharon, and with Bucky."
Although you thought you wanted to be alone tonight, having Sharon and Steve talk with you has made you feel better. But it hasn't made you miss Bucky any less.
When Sharon pulls Steve up to dance with him, you get your phone out.
Dipshit
hey. see you on orange street tonight?
He replies within a minute.
Dickhead!!
yes please. I can be there in an hour.
Dipshit
see you there.
Two hours later, you and Bucky are sitting on the floor of the small apartment he's been renting downtown to give the two of you somewhere private you can meet. It's cosy and quaint and anonymous; exactly what you need when all you want is to see him.
Your backs are against the couch while an old French film plays - it was Bucky's turn to choose this time - while eating Chinese takeout. One of his t-shirts and your underwear is all you're wearing, while he's still in button-up shirt and slacks - you refuse to let him change just yet.
"Watch this part," He says while grabbing the remote control and turning up the volume. "The way she dances over to him - it's all in her eyes. Watch. God. I love this shot."
You can't help but stare at him instead of the screen, at how his face lights up. When the scene changes, he sits back, shaking his head with a grin.
"Now that was cinema," He utters, before turning to face you. "What are you staring at?"
"Cinema," You answer, to which he rolls his eyes.
"That scene was-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, baby," You cut him off with a mumble before giving him a soft kiss. "I know. I love you."
The annoyance leaves his features and he kisses your chin. "I love you," He replies. "How was your night?"
"Alright," You answer him. "Started off crappy, but ended up pretty cool."
"Because you're here with me?" He asks with a smirk.
"Actually, I meant Steve," You correct him. "I chatted with him for a while at Sam's party."
Bucky's face falls and he nods. "Right," He mutters.
With a wide smile, you wrap your arms around him. "You're so jealous," You gush. "Aren't you?"
"Nah," Bucky says, keeping his eyes on the screen with an emotionless face.
"You're scary," You utter, making him instantly look down at you.
"Scary?" He asks incredulously.
"The way you just looked then," You say with a laugh. "Like you didn't care."
"Almost like I'm a great actor, huh?" He says with a shit-eating grin.
"Don't need to be jealous," You tell him, softly tapping his stomach with your elbow. "Sharon was there, too. They were telling me all about their love story. How you were the villain."
He laughs at that, nodding. "Yeah, the industry was fucked up back then," He says before raising a brow. "I mean, I guess it... still is."
You purse your lips together. "Just a little," You squeak.
Bucky puts down his food carton and wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer into his side. After giving your forehead a soft kiss, he lets out a sigh. It's heavy with everything he's feeling and everything he wants to say, but letting it out doesn't make the weight on his chest any less. "I'm sorry I can't... be there for you," He spills out, shame in his voice. "I feel pathetic. Powerless."
"Jamie, don't-"
"I can't help but feel that way when I have to see photos of you in court every day, by yourself, going through this bullshit," He says, the frustration clear in his tone even though he's doing well to remain composed. "All I want is to... to pick you up and take you away from all this. I wanna kill him. Tell the world that I love you. Take you on a proper date, one where we're not hiding. From the world or our feelings. I wanna meet Gwen. I want you to meet my friends. I want to take you home again, to my family. So you can meet them without having to lie about us. I wanna walk red carpets with you. I want interviewers to ask me inappropriate questions about our relationship. I wanna be at all your premiers. Want you at mine. I wanna act with you. Shit, I wanna act with you. Maybe even direct you. Though I can't see myself ever giving you any notes."
"It'd be a disaster of a film," You say between laughs.
"It would be epic," Bucky corrects you. "I want you to kiss me right before you get on stage to accept your Oscar."
"Ha!" You cut in. "Alright, we're starting to leave the realm of possibility now, babe."
"And I wanna give you my mom's ring," He says, stealing your breath.
"Jamie," You say lowly. "How about we get through these next four months before you start talking crazy like that, okay?"
He chuckles and rests his head in your neck. "Yeah. They better fly by."
"They will, honey," You assure him, before remembering something you were told at the party. "Hey, do you remember Steve telling you about me, five years ago?"
With a frown, Bucky thinks for a few moments. "I can't say I do," He admits.
"You were obviously a pretentious dick about it, but he apparently told you how great I was and how you'd like me," You remind him. "But you didn't care for the random extra."
He closes his eyes and snorts, resting his head back against the couch. "Unfortunately, that does sound like me," He says, before lifting his head back up and looking at you. "So, what, Steve liked you back then, or-"
"No, he said I reminded you of him, and he thought you'd like me," You correct him.
"I was probably offended that a random extra reminded him of me," Bucky mumbles.
"I wasn't even an extra, I was the female lead!" You exclaim, hitting his shoulder. "Imagine if we met back then. I mean, I remember being starstruck by Steve but I pretended like I didn't know who he or what Sunset Lake was, so I wouldn't have asked him about you. But if we did end up meeting naturally, without you hating everything I stood for..."
"Depends how cool you would've played it," Bucky says. "Back then, I was still trying hard to separate myself from Sunset Lake, so the second you admitted to being a fan, I would've avoided you."
"Wow! My personality and beauty wouldn't be enough to keep you around?" You ask, offended.
"Maybe I'd just pretend to hate you," He says with a smirk. "And then fuck you, anyway."
"Dickhead," You utter, just as his phone buzzes.
Pulling it out, he sits up and glances at the screen and does a double take. "Shit. What?" He whispers.
"What is it?" You ask, putting down your food.
"It... Carol sent me this picture that TMZ have posted," Bucky says, showing you the screen.
It's a picture of Bucky walking into the AirBnB in Slovenia, and standing in the doorway is you - but your body and hair are blurred, making it difficult to make out if it is indeed you. The caption attached reads, 'Bucky Barnes Caught With Mystery Woman While Girlfriend Natasha Is On Set - Is There Trouble In Paradise?'
"Shit!" You hiss.
"Carol's pissed," He mumbles, putting down his phone.
"How did we not notice whoever it was that took the picture?" You wonder.
"No idea," He shrugs.
"Shit. What now?" You ask, clinging onto him as if he could be taken from you any second.
Bucky just shakes his head, stroking your shoulder. "I don't know, baby," He utters. "I don't know."
i no longer have a taglist, please follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications for updates.
dededos
kianamaiart
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
annaxmalina