you can hear it in the silence

Alex. 30s. She/her.

[daasleonie]

It’s been a while since I drew him !!!

[hudconvent]

hollanov texts are like

ILYA: [game pigeon 8ball]

ILYA: ur turn

ILYA: ur turn

ILYA: ur turn

ILYA: [close up photo of bug bite]

ILYA: u think this is normal its really red

SHANE: Well did you scratch it?

ILYA: yea of course because it itches

ILYA: [emphasize react ‼️ on 8ball]

ILYA: play me back

ILYA: [mirror dick pic]

ILYA: u think this is normal? ;))

SHANE: I’m in the car with my mom and everything you’re sending me is coming up on the CarPlay

ILYA: 😳

ILYA: 🙈

[somnolentsuggestions]

i am a simple creature. every day i am sleepy

[zeitghost]

mastering ancient breathing techniques in the mountains of china to control my heart rate finely enough to jam out a sick tune on the hospital’s heart monitor

[zeitghost]

The doctors figure out after the sixth beep that I’m trying to play Wonderwall and they unplug my life support

[twobeesornottwobees]

printers behave like that because the medieval monks they put out of work are haunting them

[twinkhole-destroyer]

but babe you love being chained to the radiator

[fuckrozanov]

goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[persisting]

No sorry this is not staying in the tags @academicgangster

[elokitties]

tyrant every time I ride it every time I ride it make it look so good try to justify it boy I know they're lookin for me how we gonna hide it?? ride it like hydraulics I am such a tyrant

[capacity2]

Im not compatible with a single person on the entire planet

[decadentlorenzocollector-deacti]

not El rebloging, when she is compatible w me😩

[elsagism]

You know what, you're right *kisses you*

[decadentlorenzocollector-deacti]

come here my love *spins you around*

[capacity2]

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[clingyduoapologist]

Your friend’s unpublished fic idea is kind of a dead wife

[dazzling-galaxy]

i also want to read this guy’s dead wife

[rotting-malice]

you can make friends online and you will be rewarded with pictures of their cats

[blluish]

[cassettecolonthree]

people have lots of pet peeves with guys being/being called grunglers. i dont care abt any of that. my annoyance is that in the original tweet the guy himself was not the grungler, the messed up dark souls character he made while on call with strange transsexuals was the grungler. ur all misusing the term

[bruisedskin-chippednails]

grungler's monster

[cassettecolonthree]

[exitwound]

interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume?

me: mhm so that’s called a lacuna. it refers to when manuscripts have missing parts, lost to time. for example, the epic of gilgamesh has