Whatever your about to read has transpired in the months of November and December, and a lot of things have changed , here's everything you need to know before reading :-
my exams are going on , i am in 7th standard going to 8th in april
Codenames and my relations with them , now vs then
Blackhole - the guy i like
Sourtounge - really good friends with her then , not friends with her now (story for another time) [dated blackhole in 2023]
Pink - not so close with her then (she introduced me to pjo , really good friends with he now ) [dated blackhole end of November and start of december]
chavier- My shayallaaa <33 my best friend!! 💋💋💋
moki - sourtounge's crush , blackhole's friend
Baldy - chavier's ex , blackhole's best friend and moki's best friend (i gave him that codename cause he is lowkey bald)
☆ note : pink is really close friends with blackhole and baldy , they are good friends, she is in the same section with them , she is also friends with moki
So we have the same birthday, we're both in football and we just started talking like a month ago because of a boot camp hosted by our school.
Anyways we don't talk we like teasingly fight and the only thing he says *most* of the time is that he is teasing me for losing the inter school football tournament and in return i tease him for losing aswell and I call him scary cat because whenever I chase him he js runs to his classroom,
And yes I chase him around the school sometimes ,......AHHH how cute is dat-
The code name for this guy is blackhole (my friends named him that cause I quote "he sucks up everything good and loses it) . And also our classes recently got shifted because there was concentration going on right? So 7A and 7C GOT shifted up stairs (im in C) anyways, so like there is a huge gap between the ceiling and the wall so we throw like paper stuff in eachothers class room , so the other day the principle scolded us...and basically being the very responsible student I am I cleared out the paper stuck in the gaps-
Blackhole saw me and he was like outside my class and he goes "wow' and his whole fried grp is there and UGH- like I can't even explain it.
anyways just found out that he was secretly dating my friend, her code name is pink , ok so pink knew i liked him but she like him aswell , so I don't really blame her cause after all we are in middle school, it's no big deal.
Anyways blackhole basically called her 'boring' and pink is ANYTHING but boring (he was blind) and blackhole also bitched about sourtounge when they we dating. (Ya red-flag ik and worst thing is HE'S NOT EVEN MY TYPE , excepet that he plays football and is like HELLA SMART , he's the topper of 7 )
Anyways we had confluence and our annual program going on at this time and souretounge , moki and blackhole were all in the same group which is food stalls. So sometimes I used to sneak out of my group (simmulation) and go vist her , so moki and blackhole used to roam around and me and sourtounge used to go with them WE HAD SOO MUCH FUN ALSO NEAR THE END OF OUR WHOLE PROGRAM ( 22nd and 23rd december) me , moki , souretounge and blackhole along with his friends were used to all sit in a classroom and we made a Frisbee out of cardboard and played with it.
Also he knew I LIKED HIM , we'll by then everyone of his friends knew and they used to ship blackhole with me and moki with sourtounge. It used to be so funny.
right right , its sucks , a whole lot, especially school crushes, yk? My crush used to know i liked him and I heard from his female bsf (also ex mind you) that he went around telling his friends that kmg yk she has a crush on me!! (But I belive the girl , cause he bitched about both of his ex girlfriends so what would stop him from bitching about me??)
but I think he might be a bit slightly drawn to be or something now!! Cause I told his one of his friends (who is such a big gossiper) that I don't like him anymore and after that it spread around the school that I did'nt like anymore. This was during the end of 7th grade before the exams.
Now since the starting of 8th grade we keep making eyecontact cause I still stare at him and then he looks or I look and He's already staring!! Also my best friend started dating her ex again who is best friends with my crush (IKK CRAZYYY) , so for the first time in 5 months (since december) we stayed closer to eachother and did second hand interaction.
We used to spend decent time together back in November and December, before he knew i liked him and even after he knew we still used to talk and play and shi-
Awhh man I miss those days sooooo muchhhh!! I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS DUDE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT HIMM!!
Oh and we both play football, and he is like the best in 8th (like in football), he is our 8th grades topper (97%) don't even know how? I would like to say I am pretty good in studied too (87%)
sorry for ranting sooo much about this dude I JUST LOVE HIMMMM!!
so I liked this guy back in 5th grade - to the starting of 7th then I lost contact w him as he started dating on some my friends, they broke up too, but that's not what's imp
Recently I started 8th grade and this dude is in my section but I don't rlly like him or his gng , I mean the dude I like really smart ok (I got a Type) but He's always causing trouble or disturbing class, this isn't important either.
So he was absent today , very unlikely, but a lot of people were like only 16 students were present so I didn't think of it.
So I come home and I am talking w my best friend and her mother was telling how this guys dad had liver problems and that he passed away this morning.
Now this didn't register to me until few hours ago (something is wrong with my sense of realization and feelings)
Now i haven't talked to this guy properly in 2 years mind you and I am Shit At comforting or anything mildly related to it
this kid likes me and i used to like him but now i know him he’s really freaking annoying (doesn’t understand what feminism’s about, against my religion, constant dirty jokes etc.) but he’s pestering me for a date
so how do i reject him without looking like a dick who led him on chat i need help
the people in this school i swear to god. if you’re gonna make biphobic jokes make them to my face.
don’t hide behind pretending to talk about my hair and how i’m ‘certainly not straight-ening it anymore!’. don’t make the countless other insults i’ve heard you say when you think my back is turned. don’t use outdated, rude, homophobic terms you know are wrong.
i’ve literally said i’m bi, so why do you keep ignoring that? i’m not lesbian, i’m not anything else, i’m BI and i’ve made that clear, so stop saying i’m anything else because i am not. get your facts right.
on top of this, i haven’t even come out to you, so who tf has outed me to my worst bullies.
IKKK , ITS SUCKS SO MUCH BECAUSE ITS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING !! They don't know I'm bi yet ,only a few of my trusted friends and a few other people, and even if they do find out i wouldn't give a fuck anymore , but the joke they make about bi people are SO DISGUSTING !!
Please stop.
Don't worry love us fellow bi people gotta stick together!! We are here for you 💋💋💋
I cant fucking take it i can't take it I know this spiral will not last but I hate that it keeps happening. I hate how some of my friends don't even talk to me I hate how I feel alone all the time. I can't find joy in anything so I keep doing things to stave off the bad thoughts.
I don't know why this spiraling comes and goes. I'm tired and I'm also not. I want to do everything and I want to do nothing at all. I want to scream and throw things and I want to be quiet forever and lay in bed. I hate this. I hate it. Why can't I feel normal about my own self. I hate it. I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow and it'll be fine but I can't stand these moments where I feel alone and vulnerable.
Fydhfhdjdjsjsjdjdjfndjfbsjsjahfjskt skdlfb I am going to be fine, I just hate that I'm not fine right *now* when I'm supposed to be my best self.
