Hayden doesn’t see or hear Shane laugh until after Shane and Ilya are outed.
He’s seen Shane Hollander laugh. That forced, professional, made-for-the-cameras laugh. He’s seen Captain Shane laugh, with a short, restrained smile before he gets right back to business. He’s seen My Best Friend Shane laugh at dinner with Jackie and the kids, in a way he’d thought was real for over a decade because it looked like it reached his eyes.
Then he watches the way Shane—not Captain, not the kids’ Uncle Shane, not post-game press Hollander; this is the real Shane—lights up when Rozanov whispers something in his ear. There’s no other way to describe it. Shane leans in to listen to whatever Rozanov has to say and the way his face breaks open into pure, unfiltered joy is just…
Damn, Hayden thinks to himself. Where was this Shane the whole time?
Shane laughs so long and so hard that he can barely breathe. He’s red in the face, wiping away tears and gasping for air as he tries to hold in the giggles—and that’s the only way to describe the sound; these are uncontrollable, soul-deep giggles. He loses the fight over and over, dissolving into laughter every time Rozanov looks his way.
He was here the whole time, Hayden says internally. We just didn’t see him.
He thinks back to every locker room conversation, every victory party, every team dinner where Shane had seemed happy. Every shared hotel room and late-night talk where he’d asked if his friend was okay because something had felt off and he’d assumed that behind closed doors and closed-off smiles, Shane was lonely. Every conversation they’ve had with JJ since The Video, where Shane looked down and clammed up. Every practice where he stopped looking angry when Comeau stopped passing to him and the other players followed suit, and he’d just looked blank.
I’m good.
I’m fine.
You worry too much.
What are you, my mother?
Rozanov—Ilya—hauls Shane into his lap by the waist and plants a wet, sloppy kiss onto his freckled cheek. The Shane Hayden knows—knew?—would’ve made a face at the extreme physical contact. This Shane laughs harder and revels in the affection, tilting his head and giving the other man access to his neck.
Fuck, we didn’t see him, Hayden thinks. I didn’t see him. I didn’t hear him. I let him disappear right in front of me.
Shane being so quick to forgive Hayden for the video that lead to him being outed i.e. his worst nightmare coming true is baffing. It baffles me so much and its one of the many things i wish were handled differently or with more care in the books.
Tell me how Shane was able to forgive his best friend for a betrayal of such a scope? You see, if Hayden did it maliciously with the intent to hurt Shane it would be horrible but also easier for Shane to just cut ties and never speak to him again, stay angry.
But the fact of it is that Hayden was incredibly fucking stupid - what the fuck do you mean you do not check your videos? EVER? How is that possible? Have you not been media trained? Not to mention that Hayden knows how important it is to Shane that his relationship with Ilya is not public knowledge because it could be the end of their careers or at least lead to severe consequences. All of which Shane must have told him about multiple times. How is Hayden such a careless brainless friend that he not only films where both of them could walk into frame at any time but then not even check? Its the lack of forethought and keeping his friend in mind to not do it.
Outing can be/is incredibly traumatic and will inevitably put you in danger. There is a reason why so many of us were in the closet or remain there. Both Ilya and Shane had multiple serious reasons why they wanted to keep their relationship secret and come out on their own terms. Being outed by someone close to you, let alone your best friend, is such a betrayal, no matter how it happens.
It does not sound realistic that Shane would be okay so quickly. He would have complicated feelings about it. He would take time to process what happened and that it was Hayden who did it - yes, he was not the one to leak it but he was the careless person who sent a video without double checking.
I do feel like the books gloss over this quickly to get to their happy ending. And yes, in the end it worked out for them because that is one of the rules of romance but realistically? It would not be something that just blows over in 2 weeks. We have seen moments where it was not good. Shane lost his team, both got threatened by the fucking commissioner. But after a few weeks all is well because Shane is gonna be a Centaur and all is forgotten.
And i feel like it ties back to portraying the closet as this horrible place to be, where it’s all about denial and misery. And once you are out, that’s when you are finally happy.
Do not get me wrong, living an out and proud life comes with a lot of joys but it’s also dangerous. Remaining in the closet is not a weakness or a failure to live your truth and embrace yourself. It does not mean you are ashamed of yourself. People have so many reasons as to why they remain closeted and vilifying the closet is never going to be helpful to the queer community.
Shane should have gotten the opportunity to mourn the things he lost by being outed; he should get to feel all the anger and rage about this. He should be mad at Hayden and the rest of the team for treating him so badly. Hayden should not have been forgiven so easily. Was he there when things got ugly with the team? Yeah, but that is what a best friend should do. And he was also doing it because he felt guilty.
Do not come at me and tell me that Hayden is a good friend when he not only had a hand in one of the shittiest moments of Shane’s life but he also continues to hate on Shane’s boyfriend as if his input into his love life is needed. As if Shane is not a grown ass man capable of finding a partner that loves him and respects him. As if Ilya has to prove himself worthy of Shane.. this man shows who he is privately all the time but Hayden refuses to see it because rather than admitting he might have been wrong, he clings to all the bad rep Ilya has that is part of a public persona because it serves him more.
You cannot claim to be protective of your friend and only wanting to best for them and then turning around and have a hand in their outing…
I hope you're doing well 💗 As much as I love your content I hope you take time for yourself as well
Can I ask for further details on the whole "Val finds out Bob is gay" thing you hinted at in your tags on the last post? I love me some good angst and both options are awful (for Bob) /pos
thank you! 💖 usually writing is part of me taking time for myself but man i was falling asleep at my keyboard the last 2 days lol. but now it's the weekend so i can fill up all ur feeds with my blorbos again :)
and i love that you love that idea! i actually woke up to two asks requesting more detail lol so i'm gonna explain my pre-relationship idea here and then i'll explain my established fwb idea next <3
bob i imagine has kind of a mixed relationship with his sexuality. he's very sure he's gay but his confidence and openness about it waver depending on his mood, partially because he has a lot of experience with people reacting negatively to the information (most notably his dad) or deciding that meant they were entitled to his body. because of that, at this point he's not closeted exactly, but he prefers to only tell people when he's comfortable and thinks they'll be okay with it.
so valentina actually finds out before everyone except yelena (bob was so comfortable around her he let the words "my ex-boyfriend" slip and she didn't even blink). bob went out late to get zyns and ended up meeting a guy. one thing led to another and he brought the guy home with him. there's no surveillance in bob's room but there is in the hallway and it captured them making out and half undressing each other before disappearing together behind bob's bedroom door.
maybe the worst part is that bob is ashamed of this to begin with. he promised himself after sentry that he wouldn't have one-night stands anymore, wouldn't let strangers touch him anymore. but he did. and he doesn't want anyone to know. then valentina comes in one day for a meeting and gets into an argument with bob and it starts with her dismissing his opinion because he's "not even on the team" and ends with her going on about how he's the worst person who could have survived to become sentry because he's not only a former criminal and a drug addict and severely mentally ill, he's also gay so she can't even market him as a sexy bachelor to women. bob just freezes.
at this point, he's upset by being outed like this but he's okay with the whole team knowing. he's not okay with valentina knowing. he's sick of her knowing things without his permission. he doesn't deny it but he asks how she knows and she just shows the video to the room. just like that. everyone is pissed. john is the one to throw valentina's phone at the wall. someone tells valentina that she's an idiot because so many women that are more drawn to gay romance than imagining themselves marrying an attractive but completely unattainable man.
when valentina leaves, she has mel do some research on the claim. it's shocking how marketable the first openly gay superhero would be (note: don't argue this--she'd be like disney and call the 10th the 1st if she had to). she decides this is the route to go and without warning rebrands the sentry with performative rainbows. she's already lined up a dozen men for bob to go on dates with to stir up rumors. the entire team is livid, especially john, and bob just wants to hide in his room. he doesn't want to be lusted over by random men or the object of internet strangers' fanfictions. his agoraphobia flares badly.
meanwhile, john worries he might be homophobic. because everyone else is just mad at valentina and yes john wants to fucking kill her, but also. he can't stop thinking about the man that bob hooked up with. he can't stop thinking about all the men who bob is supposed to go on dates with. the idea of bob kissing any of those men makes his chest tighten. john avoids bob for a while because he doesn't want to make it worse but then one day he ends up laying in bed with bob and they're just talking and then he's staring into bob's eyes and oh. oh. he's not homophobic, he's jealous that he can't kiss bob too.
bob is utterly oblivious to all of that. he's overwhelmed by all of it. he can't stop thinking that it's all his fault, that he was stupid to bring over a guy in the first place. bob hasn't hated himself for his sexuality since he was a teenager under his dad's roof and suddenly all those feelings are coming back. all he keeps thinking are the words if i wasn't gay, this wouldn't have happened. he refuses to leave his room for anything. he can't go anywhere. even though he's the sentry, psychologically, he doesn't feel safe. and nobody knows how to give him that mental security back when it was so harshly ripped away.
So much for "preferring yuri," Wormchamp. Does THIS answer your question, 🍊Anon? Since Wormchamp is too much of a coward 2 speak his truth, I think I'll do it for him:
That's right.
Wormchamp72 LOVES yaoi.
And guess what? I'm not ashamed of him. It's g0dd@mn Pride Month, after all. It's about time Wormchamp "came out" so 2 speak. And before you sheeple start wailing and moaning about "forced outing"...they don't call me Dark Woke Worm for nothing.
*chuckles mencingly and slithers off in2 the distance, but not before whispering:
"This will make you think twice before replacing me TWICE next time, Wormchamp..."
I genuinely dont like ppl who will out others, im saying this as someone who got outed to what is probably going to be most of my class and i just feel so sick like im about to throw up but i know its just stress but what if they start treating me differently because of it
anyhow, dont out people you know to others. Especially when you know they dont know about it. Do not go "hey, did you know *insert name* is *proceeds to out that person*?" and you should definitetly never do that in front of the person you're outing if you dont want them to feel uncomfortable around you forever
well just dont out people in general, you never know whats gonna happen
When he sees Hagan meandering over towards them in the parking lot after school, his queen bee tagalong, Perkins, in tow, Eddie knows nothing good is going to follow. The way he feels Steve shift beside him says that he suspects much the same. The rest of the Hellfire guys, all gathered around Eddie’s van, talking and joking before heading home, have fallen silent.
It’s a small consolation that Hagan isn’t trailing Hargrove; since putting Steve in the hospital (briefly, Steve always interjects) last November, Hargrove has mostly given him—and the members of the Hellfire Club, once Steve had been taken into their fold—a fairly wide berth. Hagan, however, has had no compunctions about hassling Steve whenever he gets a bug up his ass about something, and he’s only become nastier since he started toadying for Hargrove.
So Eddie expects trouble, but he hadn’t expected–
Hagan starts small, crowing about how Steve has finally found his rightful place: among the freaks. Steve doesn’t give anything away, no displeasure, no anger, just bored indifference – the same mask he’s always hidden behind (the one Eddie had learned pretty quickly to see past, once he knew what to look for). But Hagan pushes.
“I guess the freaks already have a king,” Hagan snipes, cutting a glance at Eddie, “but I’m sure he needs a lady to rule by his side, right, Stevie?”
It seems like an unoriginal sort of dig—calling Steve a girl, how creative—except Steve goes pale. The mask slips, showing wide and frightened eyes for just a moment, but for Hagan, who’s known Steve for years, it’s long enough. He knows he’s hit something good.
“Do all your new little friends know, Stevie-boy? What makes you fit right in with them?” Hagan glances around the group, apparently enjoying the fact that if looks could kill, he’d be dead four times over. Then he leans in and practically spits at Steve, “Do they know that they got into your pants, you’d be less of a King Steve and more of a Queen Stacy?”
And that does it – shatters Steve’s mask so thoroughly that he actually takes a step back, staring at Hagan with a kind of disbelieving betrayal frozen on his face.
The full meaning of the words hits Eddie about three seconds before Hagan hits the side of the van, one of Eddie’s hands fisted in the front of his t-shirt and the other held firm at the base of his throat – not hurting, exactly, but heavily implying that he could.
Eddie doesn’t even have to reach for one of the many theatrical voices he uses to rile people up or cow them into submission; he’s so thoroughly taken by a type of rage he hasn’t let himself give into in a long time that his tone comes out perfectly threatening all on its own.
“If you ever repeat what you just said to another person, I will find out, and I will make your life a living hell,” he hisses.
Somewhere behind him, someone—it might be Jeff, though Eddie isn’t sure—clears their throat, and when Eddie tosses a glance over his shoulder, he finds the rest of Hellfire standing firm at his back (even tiny underclassman Gareth, with his arms crossed and the meanest look on his face the poor kid can muster).
“Ah, my apologies,” Eddie says as he faces front again, flashing a manic little grin, “we will find out. And we’ll ruin your life, Hagan. Same goes for your girlfriend.”
Perkins, who had been standing off to the side as the snickering peanut gallery right up until Eddie had pinned Hagan to the side of the van, makes a choked noise of offense that goes entirely ignored.
“Tell me you understand, Tommy-boy.” Eddie punctuates the command with a flex of his fingers near Hagan’s throat, until Hagan reluctantly nods, and Eddie releases him. “Glad we’re in agreement.”
Hagan and Perkins hightail it the other side of the parking lot, leaving them be with nothing more than a nasty look from Perkins, but no one is much in the mood to chat after that. No one really knows what to say – except Steve, who offers a quiet thanks to the rest of the guys and, having caught a ride in with Eddie that morning, then asks to be taken home.
Even with the radio playing quietly as Eddie drives, the atmosphere in the van feels silent and stifling.
Asking Steve if he’s alright feels like kind of a ridiculous move. Eddie wouldn’t be alright if he was in Steve’s position – hell, Eddie’s not alright. He’s pissed. But from the way Steve is sitting rigidly in the passenger seat, staring out the window like Eddie is driving him to his execution, Eddie’s anger—even on his behalf—isn’t what he needs right now.
Slowly, Eddie forces himself to let it go (for now, at least for now) and follow the familiar roads home.
It feels perfectly natural to simply head back to his place, where they’d been planning to go before that shitshow of a confrontation, though the surprise on Steve’s face when they pull up to the trailer says that he’d thought otherwise.
“You could’ve just taken me back to my house. I wouldn’t– I’d get it,” he says, and Eddie frowns at him.
“Did you want to go back to your house? We can hang out there if you want, I just figured…” Eddie tilts his head regarding him carefully. “You seem more comfortable here.”
Steve stares at him for a long moment, blank and uncertain, before he breaks back into motion with a shrug. “Okay,” he says, moving to get out of the van.
They head inside and nod a quick hello to Wayne, who looks like he’s just woken up in preparation for his shift, and then they go straight back to Eddie’s room. Eddie’s bag goes on the desk, but Steve’s goes by the door. Eddie sits down on the bed (admittedly one of the few places to sit, but also an invitation for Steve to come sit next to him) but Steve – Steve hesitates before leaning up against the wall, by the door with his bag, arms crossed and gaze cast towards the floor.
He looks ready to run at any moment, and Eddie sighs. This thing between them is new – so new that they’ve been afraid to put a label to it, dancing around each other uncertainly for months before sharing their first kiss barely a month ago. They’ve spent almost every available moment since with their hands on each other in some way or another, though Steve has been a bit skittish about moving past making out (Eddie had thought that maybe it was the unfamiliarity of being with another guy, but he thinks he might have a better understanding of the picture now).
Eddie doesn’t want to break things by pushing too hard, but somehow, he thinks leaving it unaddressed would be worse.
“Look, we don’t have to talk about it,” he says, watching Steve, though Steve still isn’t looking back, “but if you want to…”
Steve shrugs. “I wasn’t hiding it from you,” he says, finally glancing up at Eddie. “I mean, I was, but not– I was going to tell you.”
“You don’t owe me any kind of explanation,” Eddie says.
“You would’ve found out eventually, either way.” Steve lets out a sound that suggests he may have been trying to laugh. “But it was – I should’ve been the one to tell you. That was – that was mine to tell.”
A little bit of Eddie breaks as Steve’s voice does. He’s almost vibrating with the desire to hold and to reassure, to go over to where Steve is standing, still propped against the wall, practically curling in on himself (trying to make himself smaller), but he’s not sure how well it would be received. He tries words, instead.
“Steve, I’m so sorry–”
“That was the one thing,” Steve snaps, anger tearing across his tone, “the one thing Tommy would never touch, the one thing that was off limits, even he knew– and he just–” As quickly as it had come, the anger goes, taking Steve’s energy with it. He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes and lets his hands slide down to cover his face; when he speaks again, he sounds small. “I wasn’t ready.”
Eddie couldn’t keep himself from crossing the room if he’d tried – though isn’t trying, after that. He’s up off the bed and into Steve’s space before he’s even realized, and it’s probably only his proximity that allows him to hear what Steve says next.
“I’m not ready for things to change between us.”
“Steve,” Eddie says, low and careful, “what happened doesn’t change anything.”
Steve pulls his hands away from his face with a derisive little huff of a laugh. His cheeks are red and his eyes are bright; he’s not crying, but it looks like a near thing.
“It’s – like, I get it. You’re fully into guys, and I’m…” He waves his hands down at himself, sharp and frustrated. “Most people wouldn’t call me a real guy, if they knew.”
“Since when am I most people?” Eddie asks. “You say you’re a guy, you’re a real guy, fucking end of. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck off.”
Steve scoffs, rolling his eyes, clearly trying to hold back a much more emotional reaction, and Eddie chances resting his hands on Steve’s shoulders. Steve doesn’t move away, even eases a little into the touch when Eddie starts circling his thumbs at the skin right where his shirt collar ends.
“You don’t have to believe me right now,” Eddie says softly. “But I like you, Steve. I like you, andI’m gonna stick around and prove it to you.”
Something about the declaration makes Steve’s eyes snap right to Eddie’s, searching, anxious and cautiously hopeful, and Eddie lets him look. Whatever he’s after, maybe he finds it, because he uncurls from himself a little after that, just enough to lean in for a hesitant kiss that becomes much more certain when Eddie himself doesn’t hold back.
Eddie pulls Steve back over to the bed after that, poking and prodding him around until they’re both settled, Eddie’s back to the pillows and Steve’s back to Eddie’s chest (Steve’s never said as much, but Eddie’s gathered that this is one of his favorite positions to cuddle in; he doubts if Steve’s spent much time being the little spoon).
“Tell me something else,” Eddie says, once he’s got his arms wrapped securely around Steve’s waist.
“What?” Steve asks.
“Tell me something that you want me to know.” Eddie leans forward to press a kiss to Steve’s temple. “Anything.”
For a moment, Steve is quiet, thinking as he traces absent patterns over Eddie’s forearms. “I could tell you why I picked Steve,” he says finally.
“If you want to, I’d love to hear it,” Eddie says.
“It wasn’t because it was sort of close to my… old name. That was actually kind of a coincidence.” Steve lets his head fall back against Eddie’s shoulder, the tension that’s been wound through him for the last hour finally starting to ease. “Steven was my grandad’s name.”
“Yeah?” Eddie prompts softly.
“Yeah. My mom’s dad. I used to spend a lot of time over at his house when I was a kid. Before he died. I kind of got the feeling he liked me more than my parents did.” Eddie gives Steve a squeeze around the middle. “But he used to tell me all these stories about fighting in World War II. Probably not very age-appropriate, now that I think about it, but at the time I really ate it up.
“He didn’t really, like… glorify it, I don’t think? He just kind of told me what happened, good or bad, and whatever the story was, I always thought he sounded, y’know – strong and brave. And when I wanted to pick a new name…” Steve shrugs against Eddie. “I kind of hoped he wouldn’t mind sharing his with me.”
“Bet he’d be honored,” Eddie says, giving Steve another little squeeze.
“Some days I’m not so sure,” Steve says quietly.
“Well I am. I’ll just have to stick around and prove that to you, too,” Eddie says decisively.
Briefly, Steve’s hands tighten where they rest on Eddie’s arms. “I like the sound of that,” he says, and Eddie turns so he can press another kiss to the side of Steve’s head.
so, around late october me and my childhood best friend were both part of our high school’s fall play (i was crew, she was an actress). on closing night, a girl who we both knew in middle school but had gone to a different high school, who was pretty extensively racist and homophobic to me (mexican), ran into the restricted area backstage to give my friend a hug and catch up. i was upset about it since my friend had previously expressed her disgust at the girl’s behavior towards me, but we talked it out and i was willing to forgive her. immediately after, a rumor that we were both gay began to circulate. both of us are queer, and neither of us have accepting families, however, mine is significantly worse. the rumor reached her mother, who confronted her, and she threw me under the bus in a panic, saying that she wasn’t but suspected that i was. if this information had reached my family, it likely would have resulted in my forced relocation back to mexico at the very best. my friend is extremely sheltered and naive, so i explained this to her several times, but got the feeling that it hadn’t reached her. since then, i have stopped speaking to her entirely, but i was her only friend and wonder if i was too harsh. am i the asshole for dumping my friend for not having the strength of her convictions?
doesn’t anyone think it’s a little hypocritical to be up in arms about someone outing Liam when this entire fandom is dedicated to analyzing every little detail of Harry and Louis to find clues about their sexuality? Like yeah it’s kind of shitty since he’s dead but i don’t really think we have any room to talk
You know what, I’m going to answer this because, honestly, I don’t think you fully thought it through before sending this ask... or you're just trying to stir shit up and then someone has to say it so you can feel embarrassed about it.
Fandom discussions are meant to stay within the fandom. That’s the bottom line. If—God forbid—it were Harry and Louis in this situation, I guarantee WE would still be incredibly mad and upset. As fans, especially here on tumblr (which is a relatively confined space), we’re simply analyzing and discussing what they put out there. Harry and Louis have always communicated with us, they’ve always signalled to us, and whether people want to admit it or not, they encourage speculation. That’s a completely different thing from outing someone.
No one here is "outing" them, because we don't have the power to do so. Because we don’t actually know them. If I had any sort of inside information or personal connections that made me 100% certain of because of that connection, I can guarantee you this blog wouldn’t exist. The issue here is when tabloids chase so-called "inside sources", ex-girlfriends, or other people close to someone and then plaster their personal business all over headlines. That is outing. That is disgusting. And that is the real problem.
