Not A Bot

[hppjmxrgosg]

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

[inconspectus]

once my therapist said I used very uncommon and creative phrases and adjectives and i just did not have the heart to tell that Old Lady From A Foreign Small Town that I was translating tumblr speech into our language. so I was like yeah... must be from the books I read...

like girl we have an army of scholars over at tumblr.com crafting our language it's not just little old me I swear

[copperbadge]

I once called a colleague's Borzoi a beautiful Gentle Alien, assuming the term had long since become commonplace outside of Tumblr, and discovered when he burst into delighted laughter at the term that it Had Not. I had to explain to him that I'm not a comedy genius, just repeating a niche meme.

[digitaldiscipline]

Me: "I am getting a good grade in patient, which is normal to want and possible to achive."

My Doctor: "Please stop that."

[gothiccharmschool]

Me: "I want to get a good grade in therapy, which is normal to want and possible to achieve."

My Therapist: "So, how are your peeps on Tumblr doing?"

[technofeudalism]

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

[flamei7]

[postpoeticparadox]

holy shit bronze age pro sheep bone gamer girl

[roach-works]

this is hilarious but also im gonna cry like this teenage gamer died and they buried her with her high score. no one took back the pot or divided it up because no one would play against her again. her family and friends buried her with her wins. im crying

[phoen1xr0se]

and she made it to tumblr. Her win lives forever, this absolute diva, sheep bone gamer girl I wish I was friends with 🥹 🙌

[art-the-f-up]

Random doodle dump from patrron

Bonus sketch :

[blackqueerblog]

[avellach-the-realmwalker]

Chik-fil-le sandwich

INGREDIENTS:

4 hamburger buns, split

1 head green leaf lettuce, leaves separated

1 beefsteak tomato, sliced

20 dill pickle slices

FOR THE CHICKEN

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 cup dill pickle juice

1 ½ cups milk, divided

1 cup peanut oil

1 large egg

½ cup all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Place a chicken breast on a cutting board. With your hand flat on top of it, carefully slice the chicken in half horizontally. Trim excess fat as needed.

In a large shallow baking dish, combine chicken, pickle juice and ½ cup milk; marinate for at least 30 minutes. Drain well.

Heat peanut oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.

In another large shallow baking dish, whisk together remaining 1 cup milk and egg. Stir in chicken to coat and drain excess milk mixture.

In a gallon size Ziploc bag or large bowl, combine chicken, flour and confectioners’ sugar; season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Working in batches, add chicken to the skillet and cook until evenly golden and crispy, about 4-5 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate.

Serve chicken immediately on burger buns with green leaf lettuce, tomato and pickles.

[stardust-lightning]

Also if y’all are interested, I have the copycat recipes for the Frosted Lemonade and the Chicken Nuggets

https://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/copycat-chick-fil-a-nuggets/2b483ee0-a13e-4a3f-bf0b-9b26099c6e24

https://cincyshopper.com/copycat-chick-fil-a-frosted-lemonade/

[plainwallpaper]

^^^

[pendylion]

If you like their food, this post will help you not fund them anymore.

[cassiefisherdrake]

https://www.familyfreshmeals.com/2019/03/copycat-chick-fil-a-sauce.html

Here also is a link for their famed sauce. Gonna start making it myself.

Copycat Chick Fil A Sauce

Skip the restaurant and make this craveable sauce at home. My Copy Cat Chick Fil recipe tastes just like the real thing, and you make as muc

[caffeinatedandhistory]

Aldis has a copycat chicken in their freezer section in the red bag.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I think a lot about who I am to other people in the world–particular who I am to strangers as a mere concept in their lives.

Today this woman called our information desk and said, “my son’s band is playing tonight. I want to come see him, but he never answers his phone…..I want to be there. Have you heard anything about his band?”

And I felt so bad for this lady but I’m not in the music scene around here so I had to tell her no, sorry.

Five hours later, I’m hiking and run into a group of guys setting up for some outdoor performance, and as I watch them unload the drums it hits me.

“Hey,” I said, “are y’all in a band?”

They said yeah and smiled and I told them “one of your moms called today. She wants to watch you play, but she can’t get a hold of you. Call your mom.”

And they all pulled out their phones and started discussing whose mom it probably was as they presumably dialed their own.

And now, unless we meet again and recognize each other, that’s who I’ll be forever to those guys–some mysterious courier for mom-messages who came out of the woods and told them their mom called.

I didn’t even tell them why their mom called me. Who am I to their mom?? Nobody even asked. They just took my word for it and called their mothers.

Amazing.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’M LAUGHING!!! THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK WHO I AM.

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[filthyprotozoan]

people are always like “i have face blindness but i’m good with names” or “im terrible with names but i never forget a face” well baby idk how to tell u this but i am . bad at both.

[filthyprotozoan]

yesterday i didn’t recognize my coworker bc he was wearing a purple shirt and im used to him wearing all black

[filthyprotozoan]

yeah and im stomping you to death with my hooves

[lychgate]

my husband put on a wig, in front of me, and i immediately got distressed and mad because it looked like a stranger was in our house and my ape brain wanted to attack

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I once accidentally filled in a form using my internet name, went "that's not right", realised I didn't remember my legal name, panicked, and started filling it in with the names of everyone in my lab in order until I stumbled on the name that I recognised as being used for me.

[iubirea-bot]

Oh Three is just... horrendously fucking lonely, isn't it?

[fruitybird-fruitywords]

Murderbot having just the worst day. One of the longest, tedious, stressful, worst days, doing its part of a group project and yet more work keeps getting added on!!! More and more problems keep getting stacked on it's shoulders, some caused by Three!!!!

Meanwhile Three finished its part of the assignment and decided to go sightseeing, free some secunits, is live laugh loving its way through the day unaware of all the stress and chaos it helped cause.

Three is lucky Murderbot is too tired to throw hands/is such a baby secunit that Murderbot would feel bad about throwing hands and only left it to get chewed out by ART because if I had the kinda day MB did...

[shrubfriend]

Murderbot in Platform Decay:

"Does anyone else have to use the restroom? Who else is hungry? This is the last rest stop for the next 4 hours so, wait-can someone tell Nana to stop reaching for the police officer's pistol!? I'm trying really hard to get us all home in one piece, okay? Okay, hold hands, we're leaving."

Three in Platform Decay:

ART Drone in Platform Decay (probably):

*waving a documentary on pre-Corporation Rim irrigation farming around in the feed like a churu* "Pspspspsps"

[shrubfriend]

Platform Decay is the best book you guys.

Three: "Numerals"

Murderbot (very cool and mature): "NuMeRaLs"

ART gave it a makeover and a perm.

Nothing to see here: Just Murderbot being cool and normal in the Rainforest Café section of the space station.

Murderbot, you cringe-ass Millenial. (Same)

Not beating the Third Mom allegations.

You know, like, when you just know your homie the way your lungs know air, the way your skin knows warmth, the way your blood knows your heart. Just bro stuff, humans wouldn't get it.

Murderbot: "Rip Bozo. Couldn't be me though."

(No but seriously. I'm dying at Three's unwritten B-plot in this book. The way its shenanigans haunt the narrative.

At some point it was SUPPOSED to come back to the shuttle, but instead it casually started a Secunit uprising and then just sat in the dock a few hundred feet away from the shuttle waiting for Murderbot the way my cat bolts out the front door when I open it only to sit at the end on the driveway like, "I hadn't thought past this part, and now I'm scared." Waiting for me to come pick it up and bring it back in.

Oh Three, rebel that you are, ART is going to recycle you into a toaster.)

[raritarous]

A.R.T and Murderbot: Three needs to start exercising it's free will.

Three: doesn't follow the plan and hands out hack your governor module code like it's candy.

A.R.T and Murderbot: not like that.

[razielim]

.............the way... Farai... who has had Murderbot living in and around her family for a while now... who has leaned in to kiss Mensah while Mensah was holding its hand... hesitated to identify it upon seeing Murderbot at the door, what with it all decked out in executive fashion and completely new hair to blend in and disguise itself from any, y'know, Barish-Estranza executives who may have seen it. "That's... you, isn't it?"

The way Leodine (a Barish-Estranza executive who may have seen it) recognized it ON FUCKING IMPACT.

Absolute Worsties™️

Fuckkkk I need about a million more "Leonide bickering with Murderbot the whole way" adventures.

[purplespacecats]

murderbot maintaining its one-sided beef with jollybaby is so funny 😭

[mac-draws]

I have been trying to imagine the torus from Platform Decay and the dead planet it orbits. The scale is unimaginable to me, but I think I’ve finally gotten a drawing of it I’m satisfied with

[roguebots]

How it started:

How it's going:

[spectros]

"But we also needed to let Three do what it wanted for a while, and what it wanted was to watch science documentaries and listen to freakishly advanced machine intelligences pretending to be bot-pilots talk at it."

Picturing Three sitting on the floor and listening to 10 competing future space quantum physics lectures like it's story time.