Slow burn Verso/Gustave, Gustave & Maelle family-friends, side Lune/Sciel, time loop angst with happy ending
Gustave dies at Renoir’s hand on the Stone Wave Cliffs. Then Gustave opens his eyes to the sound of a cane striking stone at the edge of the Continent. He dies again, he opens his eyes again. Again, again, and again, until he gets it right.
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Hi, I'm back at it again at the Krispy Kreme Monolith and the fic tags are updated for this doozy of a chapter - enjoy! :]c
I would like to emphasize that I agree with all of these tags by the way. My post wasn't aiming to pin all of Europe's grotesque racism on the new elections.
A few weeks ago I was at a board game night with some of my old classmates from various mainland European countries. They started talking about how horrible Trump's treatment of immigrants is and how they're so glad to be in Europe where nothing like that is happening right now. I asked them what they thought about the fact that their own governments were complicit in turning the Mediterranean into a mass grave of asylum seekers, and some of them legitimately didn't even know and were surprised to hear that their own governments had enacted policies that caused the deaths of thousands of asylum seekers.
Even here in Iceland, almost nobody has been talking about the fact that some of the far right populist parties have legitimately been talking about wanting to establish detainment camps to keep asylum seekers in.
This post is a few months old now, and the bit about Iceland is now outdated, because Alþingi (the Icelandic parliament) passed the bill approving the detention center for asylum seekers. It will be legal to handcuff and detain children there.
Never let anyone from Europe feed you the lie that racism and fascism are unique to North America in the 21st century.
The way all the 2020s have done so far have been making me categorically against every new generation of tech that comes out is insane. Like I'm from a technological boom generation, saw the first portable phones, nokias & blackberries & flipphones etc, and the first smartphones, and the first ipods & ipads & tablets in general while still having cassettes & DVD & MP3 players around so I know how all of it work, I had computer classes in high school, I did the transition between home desktop computers to laptops and back to gaming computers. But then they started to put internet in your printer & microwave, everything has ads & AI now and every update is worst than the last. I literally loved technology and they ruined it
is there any zero escape fans there?? i did this piece for a zero escape fanzine, uchikoshi was a guest in a spanish convention and the fandom organized a fanzine to make this fantastic creator a memorable gift <3
"shipping and blorbofication are not inherently at odds with understanding a story's deep themes" and "some people can't grasp the themes of a story because they never learned how to engage with stories outside of the lens of shipping and blorbofication" are two statements that can coexist
blorbofication to me is when you love a character in such a laser focus way that you somewhat detach them from the narrative from which they are inserted and treat them in a way roughly similar to how you'd treat an oc for which you still have no story and just like to put them in situations just for fun. which there's nothing wrong with btw, it's just that it can easily lead to people forgetting the character engine in a narrative and not just a barbie doll
as an example of blorbofication taken to the extreme without the acknowledgement of the story context to ground it please refer to the thomas jefferson miku binder
I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
For anyone who has ever had covid before, please be sure you are aware of stroke symptoms. Each successive infection raises the risk in a pretty major way, and a lot of people are dying young due to not knowing these signs or being afraid to act on them. Please take care of yourselves.
Migraine sufferers: there is a type of migraine that mimics stroke symptoms, called hemiplegic migraine. They get the same symptoms: dizziness, loss of muscle tone on one side, facial drooping, slurring of speech, etc. This type of migraine occurs in less than 1% of the population and unfortunately I'm one of them. Mine began in my early-to-mid 20s, though my first migraines were in my early teens. It's more typical for hemiplegic migraines to begin in your late teens, especially if you have a family member who also suffers from hemiplegic migraine.
If you do not normally get hemiplegic migraines OR if you do get this type of migraine but these symptoms come on more suddenly than is typical for you, you need to go to the hospital. A brain scan will show atrophy if it's a stroke and be normal (or possibly with very little atrophy) if it's a hemiplegic migraine. Cerebral blood flow will be reduced on one side but resolve as the migraine passes.
DO NOT TAKE A TRIPTAN whether or not hemiplegic migraines are normal for you. Triptans are vasoconstrictors! This is the exact opposite of what you want if you're having a stroke as it constricts blood flow even further. Hemiplegic migraine sufferers: it sucks, I know, but don't take the triptan. Just go home, lay in bed in the dark, and try to sleep. Ask your neurologist for a long-term medicine option like a CGRP blocker if you have these and regular migraines frequently.
In my experience and according to my neurologist, hemiplegic migraines are more likely (but not always!) to spread slowly over the course of a few hours and then suddenly intensify, following typical migraine attack patterns. It's suspected that one half of the brain is going through a slow-rolling blackout called cortical spreading depression. Scientists are still working on finding this evidence in humans and understanding exactly what it means, but evidence is strong in animal models.
For me, it begins with my normal migraine symptoms: increasing photosensitivity and fatigue, stiffness in the neck/jaw/teeth, etc. My biggest clue is that the brain fog accompanying the beginning of the migraine is a LOT stronger. I'll progressively find it harder and harder to think, then harder and harder to speak without slurring, then harder and harder to move on my right side over the course of about 2-3 hours. Dizziness usually accompanies this last stage. I can walk for a few minutes but only very slowly and often need support. Although I don't get visual problems, others do. I have full recovery within 12 hours from most symptoms except brain fog and fatigue (plus a few random migraine ones that trade in and out) which can last up to 72 hours.
Early last year, I was having 3-5 migraines per week and roughly the same number of hemiplegic migraines per month. I ran through a gamut of medicine options but a monthly CGRP blocker injection has worked the best for me. Now I'm down to 2-4 migraines per month and hemiplegic migraines rarely! My normal migraine symptoms have also decreased, so I can do things like watch low-energy TV or movies instead of just lay in bed!
TLDR:
Don't take a triptan if you get stroke-like symptoms accompanying a migraine.
If you have never had this type of migraine before, go to the hospital.
If you have had this type of migraine before but the stroke-like symptoms come on faster than is typical for you, go to the hospital.
Brain scans will show if it's a stroke or migraine. Imaging and symptoms will improve within hours to days if it's a migraine. Recovery is much slower in stroke.
Long-term medicines like CGRP blockers can reduce normal and hemiplegic migraine frequency and intensity.
so much "masculinity" is constructed around the certainty that being gay or being a woman is inherently demeaning. and we're supposed to nod along supportively
"male loneliness crisis" ok so like.....what would happen if you started acting like a better friend to other men in your life? what's stopping you? is it the fear of being perceived as one of your inferiors?
"men aren't allowed to show emotions" ok so like…..what would happen if you started being more emotionally expressive? what's stopping you? is it the fear of being perceived as one of your inferiors?
Happy migraine and headache awareness month. This may seem like a minor terminology nitpick, but it’s a serious misconception about migraine: nausea is an actual migraine symptom, not a thing that happens because of the headache. When people with migraine experience nausea during attacks, it’s not because the pain is so bad (the idea that migraine is always excruciatingly painful is also a myth), it’s because migraine causes a lot of symptoms that aren’t pain, including nausea.
This goes for other symptoms as well: although pain can definitely contribute to people’s experiences of these symptoms, fatigue and brain fog are actual migraine symptoms, not just pain symptoms.
This is also your friendly PSA that nausea is not a normal tension headache symptom, if you frequently get nauseous with your headaches, you almost certainly have migraine.
death is a friend @cassiefisherdrake - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
