conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 19 (masterpost here)
Damian: -acts like he's so tough, it's so annoying. *distant smacks and thuds*
Jason: hey don't hate on me for being more fearsome than you, it's not my fault you're a dwarf.
Dick, panting slightly: *grunt* why are you antagonising him right now, Hood?
Jason, mouth slightly full: -ecause' it 'akes 'im fite bettuh
Damian: so we have to fight and he gets to get fat on tacos two streets away?
Jason: you're a street away from my territory, kiddo. this is not my responsibility.
Dick: you are an ass. *a hiss* *punching*
Damian: you're pathetic and i'm way more dangerous than you. your first kill was when you were 17, while mine was when i was three. get on my level.
Dick: wasn't Hood's first kill when he was like, thirteen or fourteen?
Jason, instantly: hey- hey hey hey- oi! a- *slight laugh* alleged kill, thank you.
Dick: *snorts* right, alleged.
Tim, deadpan: sorry, what now.
Jason: you were literally my little stalker when i was Robin, how can you not know about this?
Tim: i- i wasn't out CONSTANTLY?
Damian: you killed somebody as- how did you kill somebody as Robin?!
Dick: we find this story way too funny, really.
Jason: it's not- *slight wheeze* it's not like the situation was funny, it was just- B...
Damian: wait. wait. was this the incident you told me about that led to your death?
Jason: yeah this was like. the roots of what led to Ethiopia.
Dick: this was the main incident of what got Bruce to fire him.
Jason: he didn't fire me, he benched me.
Dick: so did you actually kill the guy?
Jason, indignant: NO I DIDN'T KILL HIM!
Jason, audibly holding back snickers: i mean i thought about it,
Tim: what actually happened?
Jason, dismissive: oh, it was nothing. there was this asshole who kept sexually assaulting this girl and i wanted to put him away but the system was so corrupt that he got away with it, and then the girl killed herself and i got real pissed off at the injustice of it all so i ran ahead of B and found him on a balcony, and the idiot fell off the balcony right as B found us, and obviously he was like 'you killed him didn't you', and it spiralled into the whole 'you're too violent i'm benching you' thing, which is what led me to running away to Ethiopia and killing the Joker. ta-da.
Dick, sounding impressed: you know that's oddly concise.
Tim: i don't- i don't remember this, what was the case name?
Jason: uh, the case of- fuck. wait. Dick what was the guy's name?
Dick: balcony guy? ....shit, i dunno.
Jason: how could i fucking forget- i swear to god i knew it, it was fucking. uhhhhh...
Damian: how could you forget your first kill?
Jason: I DIDN'T FUCKIN' KILL HIM! it was something like- Phil. or Philip something. Philip... Philip Garbanzo. nofuckwait-
Dick: *wheeze* Philip Garbanzo???
Tim, also laughing: Philip Garbanzo. Fredrick Totino.
Jason: yeah i shoved Freddy Pizzarolls off a balcony.
Damian: Felipe Garzonas, jackasses.
Jason: THAT WAS IT. THAT was his name, fuck i forgot!
Tim: so you didn't do anything... and Bruce just like... decided you were a murderer?
Jason: yeah, he- ok so admittedly i didn't take it very seriously at the time.
Dick: yeah from what I remember- *wheeze* i don't think any of us took it very seriously.
Jason: well- look in my defence i got to watch a rapist trip and fall off a balcony, of course i found it funny. and then B showed up and he was being all grave and shit like 'did you kill him?' and i was just like. crying with laughter on the floor.
Dick, slightly teary: yeah you know- you fucking know that after that mission when i visited you guys in Gotham and he told me about the case i started laughing too and he told me he thought i was a bad influence on you?
Dick: yeah he was like- he was like 'maybe if you were a better role model for the boy he wouldn't be turning out like this' and i outright laughed in his face.
Jason: ROLE MODEL? YOU DIDN'T ROLE MODEL SHIT-
Dick: THAT'S WHAT I FUCKIN' SAID- WE BARELY TOLERATED EACH OTHER!
Tim: so wait. does B still think you killed pizza roll guy?
Jason: oh i stopped trying to convince him i didn't a long time ago. i'm like OJ little red, it's hysterical.
Jason: every year on the death anniversary i send B a photo of me posing in front of his grave.
Damian: it's true, last week i, Batman, and Hood had a meeting on an abandoned balcony and when Batman perched on the edge, Hood waggled his finger and said 'ooooh, don't tempt me with nostalgia old man!' and-
Damian: -father got so mad he had to leave the roof to calm down for a minute.
Tim: i don't know why it would piss him off so much, like, you kill people all the time.
Jason: yeah but you never forget your first...
Tim: i thought you said you didn't do it.
Jason: mind your own business.
Damian: you couldn't even remember his name.
Jason: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Dick, breathy from laughter: Philip Garbanzo...
Jason, also laughing: FUCK- OFF