I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER
- MELANIE X CALEB LOVE ISLAND
warnings: sincere, nothing too much but eventual smut probably, suggestive content
I watched her storm upstairs as Sincere murmured a quiet “Fuck.” next to me. He put his face in his hands and leaned forward. Other than that, he was as still as a plank. I could feel his sweat dripping down his shirt, and his breathing slowing down. I looked up, everyone was silent. Corbin was looking intensely at Sincere and as he noticed my gaze, at me. We exchanged an agreeing look as Aniya stood up and ran after Melanie.
“Don’t you wanna go after her, bro?” Zach asked, quietly.
Sincere didn’t look up. His head still buried in his hands like someone who was defeated. I wasn’t sure if he was like this because he was ashamed of his actions or because he was ashamed we found out. This video of him was pretty awful.
Suddenly Aniya came back, tears forming in her eyes too.
“What happened?” Kayda asked, turning around.
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.” She said.
“It’s fine Aniya.” Sincere spoke up, despite still not looking up.
“I just wanted to calm her down a little.” Aniya said, sitting back down.
“She is just emotional.” Zach said.
“Well she has every reason to be.” I spoke up without thinking. “I mean that video was pretty brutal.”
Everyone looked at me then, as a guy from production suddenly came out. He said we will be taking a little break and as always, the girls and us boys got separated. We went to this other place we usually go to, and the girls stayed in the villa. If I had to guess Melanie was told to go to a mental health session.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
“It’s such bullshit bro.” Sincere said, pacing around. “I got the fucking villain edit. I feel like a fucking villain.” We were all sitting around while he walked around nervously.
“I’m gonna get sent home. I fucking knew it.” He said. “Fuck this. She fucking hates me. Everybody does.”
“Bro if anyone’s getting sent home it’s me.” KC chimed in.
“Mine was way worse.” Sincere said. “It just kept going and going and going, bro. I’m fucking fucked.”
“You need to talk to her.” Zach said. “Explain this.”
“What can I even say?” Sincere said. “This is… like I really do genuinely feel like I’ve changed since then but how could I prove that to her? To everyone?” He explained.
“You just gotta get back into her good graces. And hope there is no public voting soon.” Zach smiled.
“It’s just… is it such a fucking crime that I liked Amora? And Sol? Like I don’t think so. I understand I didn’t say the full truth about some things but can you fucking blame me? This place messes with your head!” Sincere said as he pointed at his head and flopped onto a bed.
“It does. Kayda’s whole thing about me not telling her that my connection in casa got booted before the coupling… Like I genuinely just forgot. I did.” Zach said with a defensive tone.
“Is it so hard to believe we forget stuff?” Sincere said. “God I’m so fucked.”
That’s when I stood up and went upstairs to the patio. I needed some time alone, and these little separations were the best for that. I went upstairs, and turned right, the patio looking directly at the sea. I took a deep breath.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
I closed my eyes for a second and thought about this. Sincere was my friend. Mela was my… friend, too. So it should be hard to take one’s side. The problem was; it wasn’t hard for me.
I looked to my right, seeing a sudden light flick up in the villa next to us. A figure in a light blue dress came out on the patio, a cigarette in hand. Mela. I look towards her as she looks at the sea, walking slowly and lighting up the cigarette. She doesn’t take a swing from it, just stares at the sea. I turn to go back inside when I hear a soft cry. I look back, she is now crouching with her hand on her mouth. I once again look towards the door but then look back.
“Mela.” I say quietly, but it sounds loud compared to the silent night next to the sea.
She looks up, not knowing where the sound is coming from until she sees me. Her eyes are glassy, her face is red, her lip is turning down. She is beautiful. She gives me a small smile as she looks at me.
I smile back and hold up my finger, pointing at her (“you”), and then show a thumbs up (“okay?”).
She shakes her head and her brows furrow. She dabs the cigarette on the patio floor, she didn’t smoke a puff.
I put my hand to my heart (“i’m”) and then my other hand over it and mouth “sorry”.
She holds up her hand and waves her hand in a “whatever” manner. I shake my head with a serious expression (“not”) I mimic her wave (“whatever”).
I go towards the fence of the balcony, so to be closer to her. “Did you talk to the girls?” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “No.”
“Whatever you want.” She says.
“I wanna know what you want.” I say, my accent stronger as I get more and more emotional.
“I want to sleep.” She says.
“Sleep then, Mela.” I whisper.
“I can’t. I don’t wanna go back. I want to go home.” She says, I think, but her last words are hushed by her putting her face in her hands.
“Should we leave?” I ask with a smile and Mela finally smiles. Down the floor, but I see it.
“Should we?” She looks up.
“I think we should.” I say with a little smirk.
“Can you take me home?” She asks with a smile.
“Yeah I’m parked right outside.” I joke and she giggles.
“Okay, then get your keys and I’ll meet you downstairs.” She smiles.
“Thank you.” She replies.
“Anytime, princess.” I say, half ironically, but half seriously. She deserves to be a princess.
“Caleb!” She says, semi loudly. Which was not a good idea because I can already see a production member coming out the door to the balcony she is on. When there is a filming break we cannot talk. It’s against the rules and the contract we signed.
The production member sees me and asks Mela to go back inside while talking to someone on the walkie-talkie. Mela looks my way for a second, smiling as she gets pulled inside. I smile back when I hear the door opening behind me too.
The next morning we get awakened to go back to the villa by the afternoon. We work out as everyday, we have breakfast and get ready to go back when the sun is starting to set.
“Just apologise, dude.” Zach tells Sincere when we are getting dressed. “She is calmer now.”
“I will.” He says. “I think she talked it out with the girls.”
“I’m gonna get her some flowers and shit.” Sincere says, giddy as he puts on a shirt. “She loves flowers.”
I put on a white polo shirt, some cargo pants and do my hair as we get back to the villa. In there it’s bad as ever. Everyone is still tense, some awkward hugs as we get inside. Mela looks our way, catching Sincere’s eye, quickly looking away. As we start colliding, everyone saying hi, Mela surprisingly comes in for a side hug. With me.
“When are we leaving?” She whispers into my ear. I smile.
“Whenever you want.” I say as Sincere comes up next to us.
“Mel, can I pull you for a chat?” He asks as Mela nods softly.
They leave and go upstairs to Soul Ties. Jaiden comes up to give me a hug.
They don’t come back down for an hour. They are not shouting, we don’t hear any loud noises, so I guess it’s going well. Or very very bad. There is no middle ground. Everyone is talking out their issues from yesterday when I see Jaiden talking with Gal. I couldn’t be bothered to even think about that right now.
Because I can’t stop thinking about her.
By the time it’s completely dark, they come back down. Mela’s eyes are puffy, Sincere’s hair is down, her face is stained by tears but.. they are holding hands. Aniya is the first one to run up to them. She asks something and Mela nods with a smile. Aniya squeals and hugs them both with her arms wide. Guess they made up.
Sincere lifts her hand to give it a kiss and comes up to us at the ping pong table.
“What’s up?” Bryce asks quietly.
“We are good.” Sincere says. “This woman… this woman is an angel.”
“Like I can’t believe she forgave me honestly.” He says.
“She forgave you?” I ask. “Or does she just believe you changed?”
“What’s the difference?” Sincere asks with a grin.
“Well..” I start saying as Zach hugs Sincere.
“That’s my man! We are back.” He tells him as I sit down.
Corbin and I once again exchange a look, but we don’t talk about it.
A little later I’m preparing dinner. I make some grilled cheese, one for Jaiden, and once I gave it to her I sit down on the couches. I needed to think. Until I hear footsteps from the stairs next to me.
“Hi!” I hear a happy voice. A voice I know far too well.
“Hey.” I say. “What’s up?”
“All good.” Melanie says with a smile and sits down next to me.
I look around for some reason, checking if anyone is looking at us. This feels sneaky. But the good kind.
“Yeah. The escape is gonna be a raincheck.” She says.
“Gotcha.” I take a bite of my sandwich. “Mela. Are you sure you are okay?” I ask her.
“I am.” She says. “I think we can work on this.”
“What?” She asks, clearly caught off guard.
“I mean… this is incredibly toxic for a relationship to start.” I say. “You… you deserve something way more than whatever this is.”
“I think we can work this out.” She says, straightening up.
“Do you want to?” I ask her.
“He wants to.” She states.
“Well… of course I do.” She says with a smile. “I wanted him from day one.”
“What if someone better was here on day one?” I ask her.
“Well I think I still would have wanted him.” She says.
“Mela. Why are you putting yourself down like that?” I ask. “You are such a nice person and...”
“That doesn’t matter. Not in relationships.” She cuts me off. “In my experience.”
“I think it matters.” I say as Sincere comes up to us with two heart shaped pancakes on a plate.
“Mel, for you.” He says with a smile and hands it to her. Mela smiles.
I stand up to give them space, but even hours later as I’m tossing and turning in bed, I can’t stop thinking about her.
The next day as we are working out, the guys ask me about Jaiden.
“I think… she is not that into me.” I confess. “She seems to be very cozy with Gal. She didn’t talk to me about it.”
“But then you gotta start pulling other people for chats, bro. We don’t wanna lose you.” Zach says as he finishes his sit ups.
“Yeah, bro.” Sincere says.
“I just.. don’t know. But okay, I’ll try.” I say as Sincere helps me up from the bench.
The problem is that the only person I wanna pull is Mela. And not even necessarily because I want to woo her or anything like that, mostly just because I want to talk, I want to know how she is doing. She seems very stressed still, and I could literally see it in her eyes when she is overthinking.
A loud squeal interrupts my thoughts. It’s Kenzie.
“I got a text!” She shouts as everyone stops what they are doing to look at her. “Islanders, get ready to chop down some drama in today’s game of Lumberjacks!”
Everyone claps and applauds, a fun challenge is exactly what we need to get us out of this funk we are in.
We are given these plaid shirts and shorts, and the girls are in tied plaid shirts with different skirts. We look like we are ready to go into the woods and gather.
We arrive at the location of the challenge when it’s explained to us. After a series of flexibility and mobility games we will get to a little pool full of water, where we will try to fish out some fish which will have the girls’ names on them. Whichever girl’s name you get, you will take them into the “Mini Hideaway” where if you want you can kiss, but if you choose not to, you don’t have to. And you don’t have to tell anyone anything about it. Sounds messy.
The first one is Sincere, who completes the game and gets Kenzie’s fish. They go inside, and Mela is eying them carefully as they come back. I doubt they kissed, and Sincere whispers something in her ear.
Next up is Zach, who gets Amora, Bryce gets Trinity, KC gets Jen, Gal gets Jaiden and now it’s my turn.
I do all the tasks when I arrive at the little pool, get the little rod with a magnet at the end and fish out a plastic fish. I take a look at the name on the underside of it. I freeze.
“Mela! Come over here.” I say quickly as everyone claps (i’m pretty sure everyone clapped) and I extend my hand for her to take it.
She takes my hand with a smile on her face as we go into the room and close the door behind us.
“Is this the time we finally go?” I ask her as she turns to me.
“I mean if you are ready…” She says with a little smirk. I step closer.
“One little thing before?” I ask as my hand settles on her hip. She doesn’t move away. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.” She nods and I smile, my other hand coming up to her chin.
“You sure?” I ask as I lift her head a little.
“Caleb. Kiss me.” She says and I give her a peck first, before pulling away.
I look into her eyes, the smile gone from her face. We look into each other’s souls as I close our distance again, kissing her with all the pent up emotion I have. I kiss her bottom lip with all the unexplainable attraction I feel towards her, and move on to pull her against me by her waist. She kisses back just as passionately as I am, her whole body leaning into mine. Suddenly I don’t know how long we have been doing this, how much time has passed since she wrapped one of her thighs around me, how long have I been pulling it up by my hand, how long till I can’t take it anymore and push her against the wall.
But I can’t. So I pull away. Her eyes are closed as I put space between us, opening them up slowly. I look at her, the intensity of our moment all over my face and a blush all over hers.
“Let’s go.” I say, reaching for her hand. She takes it, still looking at me as I open the door for us.
“That was suspiciously long!” Zach yells and everyone laughs, me and Mela included. I look at Sincere who is also laughing. He is not taking this seriously it seems.
“Don’t take my girl, C!” Sincere shouts at me with a sarcastic tone as we take our place, me next to the boys, Mela next to the girls.
I don’t pay attention for the remaining of the challenge. Flashes of her smile, her skin against mine and our eyes burning into each other are on my mind.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
There is some kind of drama in the villa this evening, something I’m thankfully not part of, neither is Mela. She needs a break. When Sincere is consoling Zach, who is of course, part of the drama, I sneak up behind Melanie at the kitchen.
“Mela.” I say from the stairs.
She looks behind her, a smile all over her face.
“I’m ready. Let’s go.” I say as I wave to her to come to me.
She giggles, looks around and comes up to the stairs, instantly taking my hand as we rush up the stairs.
“Soul Ties?” Mela asks me.
“No.” I shake my head. “Much better.”
I take her hand as we get to the space between the upstairs where Soul Ties gets separated from the balcony outside the girl’s makeup room. I jump over the flowers and stone separator and hold my hand out. Mela climbs on top of the stone and I grab her by the waist to carry her over it. We sit down on the edge of the balcony, our feet hanging down.
“How are you?” I ask her.
“I’m fine. Tired.” She says. “You?”
“I’m okay.” I say. “Not more tired than you.”
“How are things with Jaiden?” She asks. I wish we wouldn’t talk about her right now.
“Meh. She is a nice girl but I don’t think we are for each other.” I say. “She is already talking to Gal. I’m happy for her.”
“I understand.” Mela says. “I’m not sure, either.”
“About me and Jaiden?” I ask back.
“No. About… me and… my connection.” She says, and I’m taken aback by her bluntness.
“I get that. I mean after that video…” I say.
“I just feel so stupid that I keep taking him back. And I don’t even know why. This Sincere is not the same who I met the first week.” Mela explains. “I feel like I like a version of him that doesn’t exist anymore or never even existed in the first place.”
“You deserve better, Mela.” I say. “Sincere is my friend but what he did to you was beyond fucked up. I wish…” I cut myself off.
“You wish what?” Mela asks, looking to the side to look at me.
“I wish I could show you what you deserve.” I say quickly before I could overthink.
“Caleb.” Mela giggles, like a not well thought out response. “You are a baby. I love you as a friend but… you are a baby to me.”
That hurt. My stomach clenched. All these looks, the hidden whispers and the kiss meant nothing to her. I look away quickly, my eyes leaving her face.
“I’m sure you are an amazing boyfriend, I think you are very cute and you are very nice but I feel like you are so young compared to me.” Mela explains.
“Because Sincere is such a grown man?” I ask back. That leaves her mouth agape.
“Well.” She gulps. “He could be if he tried.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” I say and I look back at her.
Her eyes are intently on me, her breaths quickening as our knees touch. We stay silent for a few seconds before I lean a little closer. Now or never.
“And I think…” My voice is suddenly lower than before. “That you are scared you won’t be able to resist once you try. And that’s very.. very scary to you.”
Her face doesn’t drop, she doesn’t break out in a smile either. She just listens. I smirk a little.
“Admit it.” I whisper as I lean just a little closer, her eyes looking up a little because of the closeness and the change in our positions.
“Caleb…” She starts saying but doesn’t continue.
“Am I wrong?” I whisper, my hand suddenly on hers. I look down for a sec at my hand on hers before returning to her eyes. “Just tell me I’m wrong and I’ll back off.”
“I can’t do this to Sincere.” She finally spoke.
“No?” I ask, nudging her cheek with my nose.
“No..” She breathed out, quiet as ever.
“Then we won’t.” I say as I lean back, suddenly putting too much space between us. “I respect whatever you want.”
She sits there stunned as I run my fingers through my hair. I look at the ocean and then back at her. When she doesn’t speak I look back to the ocean, sighing and straightening my back.
“I wish you all the luck with your connection.” I said as I started standing up.
I extended my hand to help her up. She takes it and we start walking back, now on the stairs instead of the stone flower holders. When we get down, nobody spots us as I turn right and go to the showers. I don’t turn back, so I don’t see where Melanie is going. But in the shower I think back to how close we were, her perfume, her hair and her smile.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
It hurts seeing her in bed with Sincere. It hurts that Sincere is grinning and Zach is dabbing him up as Melanie giggles next to him. I wanted to kiss her so badly today, or even just a peck on the cheek would have made me the happiest man alive.
“Good night people!” Kenzie shouts as the lights go off.
In the middle of the night I can’t stop tossing and turning. The bed is not comfortable enough and it feels like I have been awake for hours. On the tenth turn I notice a shift in the bed and the weight on it. I turn and I open my eyes.
“Hey.” Melanie lays next to me, her eyes glowing and her lips curling up.
“Mela. What are you doing?” I ask as she scoots closer.
“Shh..” She puts her finger to her lip and then to mine. I close my eyes at that.
“Mela…” I say in a low whisper as she scoots so that our chests are touching and she places a kiss on the corner of my lip.
“Do you want me to leave?” She whispers as she kisses my jawline.
“No. God no.” I say as I put my hand on her waist. She smiles as she continues kissing my neck.
She kisses down to my collarbone, her hands on my chest and then down my abs. I flinch at her cold touch but I pull the blanket over us before I hold her head softly to come up to be face to face.
“Can I kiss you?” I ask and she nods.
I close the distance and kiss her softly, as quiet as possible, but all this pent up frustration takes over when I deepen the kiss. Her leg comes to wrap around my side and a tiny whimper escapes her lip.
“What, baby?” I ask with a smile as her hips buck into me.
“You know what.” She says and I grab her hip to still her.
“We can’t… Fuck, how I want to, baby, but we can’t.” I sigh as I kiss her again.
“I’m done with Sincere.” She whispers in my ear. “I want you.”
“Mela…” I say as she kisses me, her hand trailing down, down and down. “Baby…”
“I want to feel wanted, finally.” She says and I grab her hand. I shake my head but then go to whisper in her ear.
“We can’t, baby. But I promise you…” I lower my voice as much as I can. “When we are out of here I’ll show you exactly how much I want you. And I’ll finally do all the things I wanted to do for you. To you. For fucking weeks.”
I lean back and I see her smiling, a blush creeping on her cheeks.
“Is that good?” I ask her. “If I pinky promise this?”
“Yeah.” She says and holds out her pinky. I take it and we shake them.
“Let’s sleep., baby.” I say and she puts her arm around my shoulders.
We look at each other again, a kiss exchanged at last. We smile as she leans away.
“I can’t wait.” She says with a giggle. “Caleb.”
“Hm?” I ask, her face stone cold serious.
“Caleb.” She says again as I furrow my brows. “Caleb!”
“Time to wake up, bro.” Bryce shakes me by the shoulder as I peer open my eyes.
Oh, fuck. I just had a fucking dream about Melanie.
“I’ll see you down there?” Bryce smiles and I nod.
I sit up and put my face in my hands, leaning forward on my knees. Right on cue, Mela comes in through the door, wrapped in a towel.
“Morning, Caleb!” She smiles.
“Morning, baby.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Mela almost stops in her tracks but recovers and just turns away, going towards her bed.
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