Yeaps. I wanna talk about these two states of mind tonight. And perhaps, in relation, aftercare & a little bit of the subfrenzy state too.
…Probably will do a journal entry update in FL too. Hurhur.
So as most of y’all know, I’ve been going on my kink journey so far with my dd and recently, I’ve managed to experience both during our play sessions.
As a baby sub, I’ve done my due research to know enough about what’s it like via other people’s recount of their experiences and what you should and should not do for aftercare. The things that one will experience and/or should prep before, during and after a play sesh. I’ve been rather intrigued to enter both states so all it was left for me was to experience it fully for myself.
Okay. So… 1st event leading to the subdrop episode.
It was finally happening to me and it ain’t pleasant at all. The situation I kinda got myself into didn’t help. Mehh. Lol.
My 1st experience happened like 2 weekends ago, during the other gb party I went with my dd, Boo & John as briefly mentioned here. (Gonna just do a full recap ya. Don’t mind me because I wanna fully process this. If it’s tldr for you guys, then y’all can just skip this all tgt ya. Hahaha.)
I decided to only play with my dd and since Boo was there, rope play & being her rope bunny was naturally expected. Being bounded was really fun. I loved the helplessness & the restrictive feels it gives me. Usually, on previous occasions, I’d be teased majorly while in ropes. Only that. No penetration of any sorts. Not at least until that night. Hahaha. So yeah. And since it was a first, it was funnnn. Really excitingly fun.
I entered subspace halfway tbh; Like I was in a semi trance but still rather aware of my surroundings…? It was only half because there were still people around us (aka distractions & a bit of the ropes’ friction reminding my body lol) and we didn’t have the space to fully relax and enjoy. But it was still a nice feeling of sorts lah. It was still intensely shiok for sure, but round 2 was on another level. LOL.
So yeaps, during round 2 when there were lesser people around… (Yay finally more space! Hahaha.) I noticed the bed frames and had an idea to get tied to dem posts because it has always been a favourite dream play scene of ours to try. I mean who hasn’t thought about it though, amirite?! HURHUR. So yeah. Time to have a proper play scene! Hahaha. I got myself tied; both wrists and thighs to le bed posts. Could still struggle but can’t move anywhere else. Just stuck in that position.
The start of the play scene was me being treated like a specimen with light foreplay aka for science, biology and education! HAHAHA. My dd was explaining to Boo & John about how the pussy (in general) works & reacts to stimulation? Yeah. And while he did that slight degradation play, I was also being teased as well. Coupled with being watched by a few others & the pretty much useless struggling that I was doing… That brought me into the subspace pretty quickly tbh. Hahaha. Tied & teased to the max was… Mannnnn. Round 2 was just crazy AND intense. The tease, the penetration and being able to sustain while continuously hitting the spot by grinding? Omggggg. After all, I was getting 2 weeks worth of the pent up sexual energy from my dd and I was releasing my own as well. Hahaha.
I managed to get into the headspace/subspace fully by then & I loved every single moment of it. (Okay, maybe I wasn’t completely 100% sure I was in there but my gut feelings tells me so.) It ended with a creampie and I was soon released from my holds. By the time we were all done and stuff, it was already way past midnight. Past his sleeping time. Lol. We did cuddle for a short while, as we chatted with Boo & John for a few hours more. Soon enough though, they had to head back home plus my dd was also dozing off into lalaland lah. So yeah. I was still rather awake & almost hyper aware; Still soaking in the feels and trying to absorb everything and just trying to collect myself back basically.
Most of the people who crashed for the night were already asleep, so once they left… It was so quiet. So deafeningly silent.
That’s where I felt the first level of the slump feels. The only one being awake after everyone else has either left or slept. There wasn’t anyone else giving me attention, cuddles or care suddenly and as I laid there in the darkness, the silence was just almost too much for me to handle. I got up, walked out of the room, found a nice spot by the corner at the window sill, climbed up and just sat there with my phone, checking my social media things & played some of my usual mobile games.
Once that was over, I felt that pretty loss and empty feeling again. Didn’t know what else to do but to just sit there in silence and to continue trying to get myself back into my normal state. 5-10 minutes in, I decided that I should probably take a full clean shower & head home since I wasn’t that tired just yet. I mean I wanted to stay, but sadly there wasn’t any room for me to sleep at all. I also didn’t want to be restlessly sitting there to stone, to brood over etc, etc lah. So yeah, the whole showering thing kept my mind off the lingering feels and thanks to that refreshed moment, I managed to keep it at bay for a while longer. Showering in silence and packing in silence wasn’t easy man. Said my goodbyes to a groggy sleepy Daddy of mine & homebound I was in 45 mins. I was going home alone. Again, in silence.
It was actually hard going back home though… In terms of me being in that rather sensitive state with the silence and all that. Urghhh. As a night owl, I’ve always enjoyed staying up to just bask in the peace and silence of the night. However, this was one tough ride of the night that I rather be not feeling anything else than just being sleepy; Just wanting to sleep early, not to think about anything else and just KO.
Tsktsk. And there I was mentioning to him hours ago about not neglecting/interrupting aftercare and the importance of it… Sighhhh.
Falling asleep that night was just extra difficult for some reasons. The whole thing about overthinking/overanalyzing about things coupled with my insomnia problem… Mehhh. Lol. Well, luckily (somewhat though), as soon as I touched the bed, feelings of being tired and being totally drained out managed to put me to sleep pretty quickly… But then again, I drifted off to sleep in a pretty achy state; both mentally & physically; so when I woke up the next day, it didn’t exactly go away.
The funny thing (yet a totally expected one) is how my subconscious reacted to my actions & thoughts with regards to everything that happened the night before. It told me the things I already know in the form of dreams. At first it didn’t seem to make any sense… But when I took a closer look at it as I interpret the key scenes with reference to my current emotional situation & thoughts, well… Yeah. Everything came together and I just got it. Lol.
The dream snowballed together with the whole thing about me overthinking/overanalyzing of various trivial issues with my dd & our dynamic. That brings me to feeling the next level of subdrop. Let’s just say I got very emotionally vulnerable (depressive, PMS-ive type of emotional) and had to write/type everything out in order to ease and to process my own emotions. Tears were no exception, no doubt about that.
I did tell like my dd & Boo that I wasn’t in a great state, still was in the zone and still feeling the heaviness of the drop and I didn’t like one single bit of it. Without being too long winded, I tried to described how I was feeling to them within that moment that I had their short period of attention.
So yes, the subdrop feeling. To describe it though… In an overall sense, it’s like a much softer version of a breakup of sorts I feel. The aches, the pains; they feel awfully similar. Mehhh. Urgghhh. Me no likey this negative feels.
I hated feeling like that so I just wanted to sleep it off. Which I did! Hahaha. Ate a bit of dinner and just went back to sleep lorr. I pretty much ignored most of my messages until much later when I woke up briefly in the dead of the night to check. It was good to know that there were people who cared about me still. Yay. Hurhur.
Day 2 arrived and I was feeling much better after waking up once more. The long deep sleep managed to re-calibrate my emotional state a little. A bit more, a bit better. I tried my best that morning, telling myself to try not to think so much about it anymore lah. Most of the drop zone shitty feels dissipated as the day went by and I was back to the good ol’ me in no time.
The next time I saw my dd, he acknowledged that he should have stayed up to give me my attention, love and cuddles a little longer for my aftercare and apologized for not doing it right. It wasn’t fully his fault luhh. Things resulted into that situation because of the surrounding circumstances anyway. I knew and I understood that he didn’t mean to neglect me, and thus I made sure he understood that too by talking to him lah. Being the dominant one & looking out for your sub isn’t an easy task after all. But of course, I still wished he did a better job at it… Lol. All in all, I received closure and I recovered!
Alright. Now, next is the 2nd event leading up to the subspace experience.
To me, this is me properly coming into contact with it due to what me & my dd had observed in that moment of time and space. I’d have myself entering it on a few occasions across my play sessions with him but on this particular night… I dipped fairly deep into it & felt fully immersed within the subspace.
Anddddd… To summarise, it was quite the wacky, funky, too over-the-top kind of a fun and pleasant feeling. I almost lost my sense of self and awareness for a few seconds sia. That brink of going full dumbo/to faint was rightttt there. Mmmm yes to the borderline feels. Hahaha.
Again, this happened at a party. A rather exclusive kind of a swing party. The crowd overall was okay to me; I liked most of the people there and the group vibes were on point. So yeah, I decided to join in the fun and was ready to play anytime. Needless to say, I went with my dd as his partner.
Dress code was red & black. I came prepared for it kays! Brought my sexy schoolgirl costume that fitted the colour theme and I was pretty much in the spotlight for the whole night. Huehuehue. Even the host took a liking to me. (Side note; I gave a little sneak preview to motivate Daddy during work earlier in the week and he went all heart-eyed about it so I knew he would TOTALLY LOVE it when he saw the full thing. I basically came dressed to kill and yeap I sooo did. HAHAHA.)
It happened somewhere around the middle of the party? Yeah. So like the host had an array of sex toys, including a flogger, a riding crop, some ropes and cuffs which I saw some of the couples making use of it while I was taking a food break moments ago. Hurhur. Those BDSM kinky vibes uh! Me likeyyyy. Hahaha. As soon as it was their turn for timeout, I suggested to my dd that I wanted him to play rough with me. I wanted, no… Correction, I needed to receive some spanks. (I’ll elaborate on the reason why in another post next time.) To simply put it for now, it was a funishment session.
Before this, I already had played with a few others before this so I was in that happy & horny kinda aroused state lah. Hahaha. I was actually eager to get into the cuffs and into position for Daddy. With my face down in bed and butt propped high up, I soon started to receive his various types and intensity of spanks. Oh, it sure did hurt but it was a rather pleasurable kind of pain. We’ve kinda done light spankings before in our previous sessions & I could deal with it without disliking it completely so yeah. (I’m more S than M for sure but then again, it’s like a 60/40 thing…?) However, I noticed a slight change of pattern in his routine last night. It was a good one lah, of course! Hahaha.
Smack, pause, tease, repeat.
A few more consecutive spanks, small bursts of rapid teasing, pause, repeat.
Omfggggg. Idk how he felt about it but it definitely puts me in my place and I loved it. Mmmmm yaaasss. It was a great way to enter subspace and I knew I was ready for more.
I couldn’t see what Daddy was up to when he stopped, but I knew what’s next the moment I heard the vibration of the wand. Tick, tack, tick, tack. He switched the mode over to the pulsing types and placed the wand right under on my clit. He wanted me to hold on to it and I was not allowed to let it drop. With me being at that slightly aroused state already, this definitely placed me on edge as I wasn’t allowed to cum… Not until he gives the green light, that is. Moaning in agony was probably all I could do to relief myself.
Since the doors weren’t closed, I heard footsteps but I’m not sure if there were people watching us in the room… Well, then again, that didn’t matter to me anymore. I was just focused on keeping the wand up and just trying my best not to go over until I was allowed to. I don’t know how long that whole thing took though… All I know was that by the end of it, I was horny af; My clit was numbed out to the point that it was super duper sensitive, and so was my whole body. I just wanted to be filled asap.
I was still stuck in the doggy position. I wanted to move to adjust myself but I couldn’t carry myself up for some reason. Everything was a blur… The darkness didn’t help at all. I was actually excited for the next thing to happen to me tbh. I couldn’t remember much but I knew I had what I needed in me. Because soon enough, both my holes were all filled up - front & back.
Somewhere along the lines, I was given the release, I think? Thank goodness for that, because I really needed to cum. Lol.
I remember at some point of time during the fucking though… I was speaking gibberish through my moanings. Hahaha. I could speak properly if I wanted to, but I gave up trying because I was letting the sensations take over me instead. LOL. Then again, I wasn’t completing my sentences anyway. It was rather overwhelming for me as I succumbed to the intense pleasure that I was continuously receiving but I loved it. Oh yeah, I also recalled that I had several bouts of stm blank moments too? Like everything was so shiok that my mind was close to zoning out into the void, or rather drifting in and out of my self-awareness, if that makes any sense? Many times, I was on the brink of giving in; like I felt that I was about to pass out of sorts… But I just couldn’t I guess? Lol. So yeah, I probably went quite deep into subspace.
My natural body reaction brought me out of it though… AKA LE NATURE CALLS; I NEEDED TO PEE LAH. LOL. I was rather surprised at myself though, looking at how I got back into reality mode pretty quickly. After the toilet biz, I was still in the mood for more lah. Up and ready to play some more. Hehehes. But first! I need to catch a breather.
Break time was us dipping in the jacuzzi with a few others up at the rooftop. Didn’t stay there for too long because I didn’t want to get too drowsy by it. Well, I still did feel sleepy right after that. Hahaha.
After drying up and all that, I went to cuddle with two others (the host & another lady) in the other quieter room. Moments later, my dd joined us and somehow, it just progressed into another play sesh that went on until it was almost reaching the break of dawn. LOL.
As the night progresses on, I noticed that the host himself had some dd vibes as well and yeah, I took a major liking to him. The kinky books in his other room. Those little micro aggressive acts of pinning my wrists and my legs down when we played that made my heart skipped a few beats. (Also, the way he gripped me! His big hands that wrapped around my neck. Omg I loved it. The strong yet tender moment right there was so on point!) The way he guided me and eased me into taking his full length down my throat and then praising me for being a good girl every time I managed to push past my limits a bit. That short cuddling moment I had with him. That last few hours of the party where it was just us being awake still; A very intimate kind of a play session where it was just my dd & him lavishing all sorts of attention on me, making me feel like a total princess! It was such a dream come true I swear!
Anyway, Daddy and I managed to have some cuddle snuggle time alone before drifting off to sleep. That little debrief with some smooches & huggles from Daddy was all I needed for my aftercare. Hahaha. He actually doze off adorably to sleep on top of me like lol?! 😂🤣😅
~ Waking up the morning after and being right next to Daddy is always my favourite bonus aftercare treat! ❤️ ~
So yeah, that’s more or less about it. Thank goodness for no repeats of the subdrop feels uh! However, I managed to experience something else.
As I realised that I was totally gushing over the details about that night’s event to Boo & John, I found myself being rather aware that I was in a subfrenzy state. Maybe I was knee deep (for that moment only!) , but not at a blinded state lah. Lol. Thank goodness that Boo has kinda shared with me her experience with the state before that I’ve learnt to identify it quickly within myself. Luckily, the impulsiveness of wanting to just throw caution to the wind and being eager to please & the overall excitement that I was feeling within me had faded as the week had gone by. I took the time to rethink and reassess the fella and the situation. So by the time we had that random impromtu play sesh with the host again a few days later, I wasn’t feeling that impulsiveness within me towards him anymore.
I mean I was still happy to see him and would still love to play but I was more cautious this time. I did let him try to push me a little beyond my limits again (under the supervision of my dd of course!) but after having a slightly scratchy throat later… I’m pretty sure I’m clear that I want to take things at my own pace instead when it comes to shoving things down (or up) hard into places where things do not naturally belong. Of course, I’m willing to receive training. The slow & easy type of training, not a crash course kinda training.
The more I observe his actions, the more I hear about his little snippets of his travel tales and learn about him, the more I’m sure that I’m not feeling that same subfrenzy thing towards him that I once had at the beginning. Somewhere in me, with regards to the host, my gut instincts were right on point somehow… Lol. So yay to me, I guess? Hahaha.
Yeapyeapyeap. That’s all of it for now! I just wanted to share fully about my own experiences and how I dealt with it; the process and all that. Maybe a bit of sidetracking here and there, (like oops?) but hey, they were all in relation in some ways or another kays! Hurhur. I know it’s a pretty long ass wall of text (and I took a few days to write all of this down okay…) but well done to you guys for making it all the way to the end! I just hope that this adds on to the pool of resource to help someone out there to recognise the states better; hope that maybe you can relate to something similar to what I felt & to just let you know that you aren’t the only one feeling alone or lost or even weird/odd/strange being like this in the world of kink and the journey you’re taking. Stay sane, stay safe and take care ya? Much loves! xoxo; ❤🍋💦
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