so i'm looking at my plate and i'm missing a basket ingredient

say something, i'm throwing up on you.

[eclogues]

men with earrings are just men without earrings with earrings

[algernonmoncrieff]

I can’t stop thinking about how men with earrings are just men without earrings with earrings

[hekacute-deactivated20141230]

Put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe. 

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was at a concert but the merch stand was a Hot Topic and there was only a bowl of $50 plastic rings and a stack of t-shirts in size XXXL exclusively that had nothing to do with the band and when I asked the cashier (who had lots of piercings and bright orange hair) if the shirts were related to the band, she just snapped “No!” at me and then I bought 2.

[molivier]

This reads like a John Mulaney stand up

[vaspim-deactivated20140110]

[horrorofthebeast]

[wrathofthestag]

You know what’s wild? Remembering that children hear things for the first time without context and are literally like, “What?”

I just said “See you later, alligator” to a four-year-old and I think it was the first time they had ever heard that.  They froze in their tracks, looked at me completely bewildered then replied, “See you later, chicken” and kept walking.

[roboticonography]

My friend’s four-year-old put on a backyard puppet show for me, the sole audience member.

Halfway through the show, she asked me if I liked it, and I replied, “I can’t wait to see what happens next! I’m on the edge of my seat!”

Hearing this, she carefully put down her puppets, came over to where I was sitting, and explained, “You can use the whole seat. It’s more comfy.”

[slimetony]

[slimetony]

[libraryofva]

Recent Acquisition - Postcard Collection

You - Why don’t you write? Postmarked  October 1908

[ytube2mp3-deactivated20190921]

exfoliated 2 hard and scrubbed my face entirely off and am currently looking forward to experiencing the world without the weight of being perceived. i will miss lipgloss tho

[bisexuanal]

Why is this so funny skdkska

[frogonapumpkin]

a rating of all the frogs in my neighbors’ frog-themed bathroom

very round and good! his face shows an emotion that i can’t quite describe. 10/10

here we have an arts and crafts frog! he has a nice figure but his lack of eyes is unsettling. 6/10

this is a truly excellent frog, he’s going places and he doesn’t care how long it takes. 12/10 for realism.

this frog looks like he’s having a cheeky little giggle at you for being in the bathroom for so long. something about him unsettles me. 2/10

this is the woodchime frog. he watches you smugly. i don’t like how he’s watching me, 5/10 because he’s kinda cute anyway

i hate it. 0/10

this fellow is perched right next to the toilet. one eye stares directly at your back, while the other looks at the wall. 6/10 good frog shape but still very unsettling

a truly excellent pair of comrades! double frog points 20/10

it’s Awful. -5/10

[petepepsi]

[swag-pizza-with-extra-yolo]

[allmyinvisiblemonsters]

I can’t believe that men, for centuries, had the audacity to look at women and think we’re dumber than them.

[uncomfrtable]

My noodle is 7

[knifefightscene]

[browsethestacks]

The Anatomical Crocheting Of Canadian Artist Shanell Papp

[mjalti]

emotionally I’m in crisis bc I don’t know which one I believe is more truthful… this is like coming across the two-faced god who asks you which face is lying..

[bostonpoetryslam]

I thought of poetry, and sometimes still do, as a puzzle where I’m filling in the pieces to get to a certain emotion or idea. So I can’t quite turn off the part of my brain that wants to solve a thing, but now I’m using words to get there.

Eloisa Amezcua, interviewed by Jessica Hopper for The Creative Independent (via bostonpoetryslam)