John had expected more of his coworkers to take the deal. When the return to office emails came, HR had added an opt-in clause to returning employees.
We know that for some of you, returning to work might impact your budgets. Considering the increased cost of commuting, the company is also aware that while working remotely, it is likely that many of you have been living by a more ārelaxedā dress code, while working. Since itās been a few years, and bodies tend to change over that time, there might be an increased cost to employees who have to replace their dress code appropriate wardrobe to return to the office.
For this reason, management has permitted Human Resources to offer employees a solution. If the cost of replacing your workplace appropriate wardrobe is too high, all employees are invited to opt into an exciting new program at our company. Rather than worrying about whether what you are wearing meets our office dress code, and to facilitate the feelings of āworking from home,ā employees who opt into the Network Undressed and Deliver Excellence (NUDE) Program, are permitted to come to work without their clothing.
John had lost significant weight since he started working from home. Rather than wasting his time small talking at the office, he had been able to fit a fitness regimen into his daily work schedule. His old suits hung off him, and even belted, his slacks barely managed to hold onto his waist.
āI think I might have to opt in,ā John told his husband, as they looked over their budget.
They could afford a couple days worth of new clothes, but inflation had gotten so high, that even shopping at Ross, heād have to spend a small fortune to get enough clothes for a weekās worth of work. And then, heād have to pay dry cleaning fees, and heād have to wash twice as many clothes between work clothes and home clothes, so laundry prices would skyrocket. And heād be spending way more on gas just to get to and from work.
Ultimately, there were no other budget corners he could cut, so he emailed HR and let them know he would be opting into the NUDE Program.
He barely slept the night before he returned to work. He tossed and turned, terrified and horny. Even after his husband sucked him off, he still couldnāt get his swollen penis to calm down, as he thought about the fact that in the morning, heād be required to undress at the office, and spend his entire first day back, completely naked in front of coworkers he hadnāt seen in-person for years.
And heād have to spend the next day working naked around them too. And the next. And the next. Until he retired in twenty years. Twenty years.
When his alarm went off, he showered, and slipped on boxers, sweatpants, and t-shirt. Heād undress once he was in the office.
But of course, when he got to the office, security wouldnāt let him in.
āWeāre sorry sir, but youāve opted into the NUDE Program,ā the security guard said, grinning evilly.
John watched as several coworkers walked past him, all fully dressed in suits and ties.
āI did,ā John said, trying to avoid making eye contact with his coworkers who were lining up on the inside of the glass doors to watch.
āIf youād read the policy, youād understand that the program requires you to come to work without your clothing.ā Security said.
āI was planning on undressing once I got to my desk,ā John said.
āBut that means you came to work with your clothing,ā security said. āPolicy specifically says without.ā
āSo you expect me to strip down out in the parking lot?ā John asked.
āNo,ā security said. āI expect you to strip down at home, and leave your clothes at home.ā
āYou expect me to drive all the way to work naked?ā
āOr ride the bus, or walk, or bike,ā the security agent said.
āYou canāt be serious,ā John shook his head. āIād get arrested.ā
āTake it up with HR,ā Security said. āIāve been told I can only buzz you in if you leave your clothing with me. Any clothing brought on company property by volunteers in the NUDE Program will be considered company property, so you can either strip or be stripped.ā
John grumbled, but he knew there would be know way to voice his concerns to HR if he didnāt comply, so he slipped off his t-shirt, aware of the faces pressed to the glass, watching his skin come into view. He made eye contact with the man whoād had the cubicle next to his before the remote work policy. The man wolf-whistled through the glass.
āThis is humiliating,ā John said to the security guard, preparing himself to ditch the pants and boxers.
āYouāre the one who opted in,ā the security guard said, shrugging.
John knew it would do him no good to delay. He pushed down his sweats and boxers at the same time, and stepped out, fully naked in front of his coworkers.
It was humiliating, as he felt the sun and the breeze and the eyes of his coworkers in the windows, and the security guard next to him, all directly on his penis, which flopped back and forth in itās new freedom.
He fought the urge to cover up. Being on display was humiliating, but he didnāt want to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was humiliated. It took everything in him to keep his arms at his sides, but he managed it.
āJohn, you must not have read the whole policy,ā Devin, Johnās HR rep told him, as John sat, still totally naked across from Devin in Devinās office.
āI read it!ā John insisted.
āNot according to the security guard,ā Devin said shaking his head.
āI knew I had to come to work naked,ā John said. āBut I could get arrested for public indecency if I actually come to work naked.ā
āWeāve already talked to City Council, and they passed a city ordinance last week,ā Devin said, shrugging it off. āFor business purposes, public decency laws are suspended. Meaning, anyone naked for the purposes of their employment gets a free pass.ā
āYou canāt be serious,ā John said.
āOh, Iām serious,ā Devin replied. āAnd itās good exposure, forgive the pun, for our company to have you be seen around town naked. After all, youāre the only one who opted into the NUDE Program.ā
āWait, you mean Iām going to be the only one walking around bare ass naked in the office?ā
āCareful with the word choice, John,ā Devin said. āJust because youāre naked doesnāt give you a reason to use inappropriate language. But, yes. Youāre our only NUDE Program employee.ā
āAnd I donāt suppose I get a private office because of that?ā John asked.
āHardly,ā Devin replied. āYour desk is center of the floor now. For company morale, of course.ā
John shook his head, as out of words as he was out of clothing.
āOne last thing, John,ā Devin said, grinning a little cruelly. āWe have a three strikes clause in the policy. If you get a third strike, we are permitted to seize all clothing assets of anyone participating in the NUDE Program.ā
āThat canāt be legal,ā John said.
āI assure you it is,ā Devin said. āAnd this morning you are already up to two strikes. First, you showed up clothed, which is a clear strike, and second you were late for work, after you had your disagreement with Security.ā
John stared at Devin open-mouthed.
āYou know,ā Devin said, his grin widening, āI could write you up for the foul language you used in my office this morning too.ā
John felt his stomach plummet.
āBut whereās the fucking fun in that?ā Devin asked. āGood luck today, John. Any misstep, any misstep at all, and you wonāt just be naked here at work. Youāll be naked everywhere.ā
