Understanding Deeper

Sometimes we hurt and be hurt, we break and be broken, we press and be pressed. It's called life and it is it.

[knowingbetter]

Dear Lord, please put mercy on this poor soul, ease her pain, erase her aversion of people, and lighten her heavy shoulder... Amen

[knowingbetter]

Oh, dear Lord... Please forgive me for all the faults I meant and didn't mean as I am a merely sinful creature

Murmured Lucinda before the bed time at her small rent chamber

[knowingbetter]

Dear people, my body is shaking uncontrollably due to exhaustion. Please, please, please... I need a rest. Maybe a very long one as if it is forever

[knowingbetter]

We live in this short period of time, but why do we want so much to prove our selves instead of living it to the fullest. Oh...because we want to be remain forever against our nature to decompose

Me

[knowingbetter]

Self Doubting

Dear Anybody,

I always have problem about believing in myself. I always thought that I am never good enough, I am not smart enough, and I am not pretty enough.

I always think that I am supposed to be faster and better, sometimes I can get worse by comparing myself to others and I can be self righteous.  

I just finished reading a book and yes this writing is kind of a way to reflect what I am thinking and what I am feeling.

Most of times I am afraid of becoming a failure, a burden to family. So, I never stop. Now, I realize maybe I need to step back for a while. To see where I am truly heading my life.

I always wanted to be an architect, but currently I am working as facade designer. Not so close but it is not that far from the field. Did I enjoy my work? Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. I love it when finally I can design the system quite good and I hate it when I can’t understand what the client want and they revise my design too much. 

I must admit that I am afraid of making mistakes, I am afraid that I didn’t perform well in my job. 

Sometimes I dream myself in the future as a professional working in a real office etc. Sometimes I dream myself as a self employed and manage everything with my small crew.

I want to be both good and kind, but working in large company doesn’t help me to be kind I guess.

It crosses my mind to move back to my home town and work there in small studio or to the nearest city so I can easily come home. I miss my parents and my brothers.

But I want to pursue my master in Zurich, specifically in Integrated Building System held by ETH Zurich. Still I am not sure I can get in and manage to get scholarship. 

Bye Anybody

[archatlas]

Atelier Décor: What 6 rooms from famous paintings would look like in real life 

Paintings of historical interiors are fascinating hybrid images — midway between the work of a great artist’s imagination and a document of the past.

For today’s artistically-inclined interior designers, the existence of such paintings is a gift: the chance to see forgotten furniture and color combinations through the eyes of a genius. For everyone else, imagining how those rooms might look in real life takes a bit more work. We decided to create realistic, character-generated (CG) renders of six of the most famous paintings of historical rooms.

Identified from the top:

Bedroom – Vincent Van Gogh’s ‘The Bedroom’

Conservatory – Grant Wood’s ‘The Sun Shine on the Corner’

Dining Room – Wassily Kandinsky’s ‘Interior (My Dining Room)’

Kitchen – Konstantin Korovin’s ‘Interior’

Living Room – Roy Lichtenstein’s ‘Interior with restful paintings’

Sitting Room – Eduard Petrovich Hau’s ‘Empress Alexandra Feodorovna’s Sitting Room, Cottage Palace, St. Petersburg, Russia’

[rosewater1997]

“Never mind. I invented you. I invented you, as far as my purposes go. I invented loving you and I invented your death. I have my tricks and my trap doors, too.”

— Alice Munro, from Collected Stories; “Tell me Yes or No,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

[knowingbetter]

I want to write about sex and I am doing it

I am going to be 23 and I have never had any boyfriend. I never consider that the boyfriend thingy is important, but now as I am away from my family and friends I get a bit lonely. I am a straight woman, and to be honest I don’t mind with people who has different preference as long as they don’t bother me. About sex (I don’t really have the confidence to post it but who cares anyway), I am not asexual but I don’t have a partner and sex before marriage is a big no no for me. I am not a pristine, but I have never been kissed with that kind of woman-man love not family love. Both of my parents always kiss me on cheeks when we part away, and sometimes I hug my brothers. When I was little my father would send me to bed and he told me a lot of stories. I read most of his books. My parents love each other but don’t show much I guess, they have pretty huge age difference. My mother is my father’s second wife since his first is died of sickness. He didn’t have any child with his first wife. And they told me that they met at my mom’s work. He saw her and yeah things went on and eventually they have me and my brothers. I grew up in small unknown place on earth, but I quite enjoy my childhood I guess (not really because I was bullied and being a bully). Actually I don’t really know why now I live far far away from them. I love them, but I don’t like the people. No, I don’t understand what I don’t like about the people there. Maybe the way they love gossips or talking about other’s business. I love being alone and I live much more inside my head or on my writings. When I was in high school I did really want to try to have a boyfriend, actually there was one particular guy that kept staring at me when I passed the corridor. His class was next to mine (we didn’t have the moving class system yet). I thought he was going to ask about me or anything like that, but he didn’t, so I was alone. Then there was another one, again this one was smiling at me when I passed the corridor, but fool of me I didn’t realize. Even my friend who was walking with me need to tell me that someone was smiling at me. Yeah I am not sensitive, till now perhaps. I find out that is really hard to get close to someone, I am afraid of opening myself and I don’t know how to start a meaningful conversation with stranger. I am really bad at small talk, I bored anybody. This writing doesn’t have a structure. I just write want I want to write. So let’s see how this thing will go. I just watched the fifty shades of grey and fifty shades darker. The first movie was pretty messed up, I must say that the second one way more better. They inspire me to write about sex. As an Indonesian citizen with Javanese blood running in me, I never talk about sex casually. Except with my close friends. And surprise surprise, I just got my period. The hormones absolutely taking on control, yes it’s true maybe I get more intense right down there when it’s coming to the period time. Like guys getting on wet dream. Maybe it’s a good time to have a husband, but it’s not as simple as having a new clothe. I read that women peak their sex time between mid twenties to mid thirties. And they be most desired when they are on their twenties. But I don’t want to get marry early, I want to discover myself first, even though sometimes I want to be hugged. But I don’t need a big commitment yet, and it’s prohibited to have things on before  you know. I know that it is not so uncommon for nowadays, but I can still be me right? It’s a very long writing and so unclear. What am I doing anyway? Byebye

I don’t think it is a good one though

[zenpencils]

BILL WATTERSON - “A Cartoonist’s Advice”

[knowingbetter]

Self reminder that career is not everything, there are still a lot of other things that matter.

[knowingbetter]

Ann, where are you? I've been searching for you since forever

What is this, it is not logical

[knowingbetter]

Is it wrong to desire something you shouldn't? I want him, I want him so bad that I couldn't breathe

 Cough the story I wouldn’t be able to write

[knowingbetter]

What is life all about?

I always ask this question to people around me and myself, “why do we live?”

I still don’t get the clear answer. I have read not only once but couple of times in Quran that human is created to ‘pray’ (well i don’t know the exact word to describe it)

‘Pray’-to anybody it could mean anything, me as anybody else need a defined definition. To be honest I hardly understand the word, doing a good deed could be the part of ‘pray’.

Here I want to be a mere human, I am not a saint (of course it is obvious). I am good and bad, I am not an evil but deep down there is something not angelic living inside me. Okay, I will spit it out ‘I just want to end things quickly’. I have a little patience for people. I don’t like the way they talk about their problems because everyone’s got their own. (Why do I write this, I am not going to vent my problem in the first place but somehow I love writing them)

I see the end of living as simple as death, to me there is only one truth. I have passed the time I am scared of death, now I realize that I will die no matter what. Everything that I got I can’t bring to the next level. It catches my nerve sometimes, like I shouldn’t do this or that. But then, I wake up and find that this is the last chance that I have to make my dreams come true (sounds like air as*a huh?)

So, what is life all about?

a process to die (maybe), but please enjoy the process as long as we can.*

NB:

*I could go wrong

[knowingbetter]

Two Basic Questions

To everyone who wants to be an architect, here I represent to you  two basics questions that I hope you’d able to answer clearly and sincerely.

First, why do you want to be an architect?

And last, what do you want to do as an architect?

To me, it’s kind of funny when you don’t know why do you want to do something and what to do with your doing. I expect everybody to have goals in life. At least to be happy, and better to make people happier. I might be too harsh, but the truth is not always kind.

I already met few of the architects and mostly I was not really impressed. I always hope that I will meet a good architect one day in person. I wouldn’t care weather he got a big name or not. Well, I have my own definition of good architect.

Below are the things that define a good architect:

1. Sensitivity to the surroundings

2. Sense of art and good design

3. Ability to elaborate and collaborate problems to find solutions

4. Have the courage to break the rules

5. Stay true to the nature

6. Keep every design real and construct-able for the time being

7. Curiosity to gain knowledge in everything

8. Always put his head on the ground not the sky above

9. Open to new technology, material, and other’s opinions

10. Stand to his philosophy like a rock, but still listen to others for improvement.

It’s going to be a lie if i say that they were purely my thoughts. The truth is i am inspired by Virtuvius words in The Ten Book of Architecture and other things. I wish I had read the book sooner, but later is still better than never. Please, read the book or listen to the audio  book. It is the very basic book.

[knowingbetter]

Another Personality Thingy

Don’t you ever curious about yourself? What kind of person are you? What do you really like, etc.

I do want to know about myself. I want to befriend her and laugh with her.

[knowingbetter]

About Being Honest to My Own Self

I’ve been thinking thoroughly today. I thought about myself, because why should I think about anybody’s else? Yes, I admit that I am pretty selfish, I am an ambitious girl, and I always try and try to make make things that I want come to reality. Of course there were a lot of time I failed, I got pretty bad on my final project, but I am not ashamed of it. I took it as my biggest supporting beam to leap higher. I am not a worker yet, I always want to be an architect, an engineer, a builder. Why? Have you never wondered about how things done? Maybe you have known, but I see the pattern among every job. Basically, people build on something in their job. A writer will build a plot, a story line, and the characters. A chef build in their cooking using the ingredients and the fire. An architect (of course) build in their concepts to make a better environment for everyone, so that engineers could help them to make their concepts real. Once, maybe not only once, but thousand of times I want to be an architect. I love to make an ideal concept (to me their quite ideal) of how a buildings should be, but as I learned in school and in my internship. It’s really hard to get everything as the way we wanted, nothing is perfect. There will always be something in the way, and they are resulting to me that I want to help the architects getting their dreams come true. Because it is not a bad thing to do for a living, it is very challenging too. Does it mean I give up on my dream to be an architect? I don’t think so. All I knew is I will stay in the field no matter what, I don’t care if I am the only girl in the team, I will fight till the end. I love to work and I am not thinking about getting married or even having a boyfriend. I hate to deal with such kind of things, because I hardly understand people’s feeling. I tried to learn about emotions by watching movies and reading books, but  in reality there way too much variables that can’t be found, so that the equation left undone.  

Well it is a quite long writing. Hopefully anyone would enjoy their life!

[knowingbetter]

I’ve been listening to them not song long ago. When I was re-searching on their channel I found this song and it is really good. It has the kind of vibe that I hardly recall... selflessness?

“You’re a monster but I want you

What does that say about me?

Pull me under and let me drown

Cause who needs air?”

It’s sad that they are not together now. I just hope they will continue their works together, because the girl without the dreamcatcher is loosing herself within the nightmares.

[knowingbetter]

Q-Museum/AR3120-Building Construction & Material II

“Almost all time favorite studio project”-Me

In Partnership with Erma Tsania