will's blog

william, 18, california. femme transmasculine queer person. debatably cool, very queer.

[korihors-blog]

You are not responsible for what was done to you as a defenseless child.

–Susan Forward, Ph.D., Toxic Parents

[life-in-suburbia-blog]

[korihors-blog]

Journal-ish entry. 11.9.2013.

I have to walk home in the dark tonight apparently. Or, back to the ADU I'm staying in. (ADU = Communal living for people transitioning out of psychiatric units.)

It's only a couple of blocks but it's gonna be dark by the time I get out of the library (it's 5 now, and the sun will set soon).

I'm also very hungry/thirsty and I'm contemplating finding a place to buy myself a drink. Just a soda or something; I only have a few bucks to spend.

I miss having people my own age around me. I'm so tired today. On Zoloft and Risperdal for less than a week; the Risperdal got upped last night and I started an anti-anxiety last night, so I'm drowsy from the meds.

I haven't eaten much other than cereal today at around 10am.

I'm scared my legs won't be able to carry me back.

[rect]

[classychassiss]

"look at all these weird puppies"

[laughterkey]

Kids these days.

[korihors-blog]

I finally got my SFPL library card. \m/

now i can actually check out some goddamn books.

[silissu]

who ever said that making friends online is easier is a liar

[luckyblackcatxiii]

I apologize if any friend making attempts from me end up really awkward I’m still trying to get a handle on this

[hellyeahscarleteen]

As a trans person, how can I navigate authentic gender expression and avoid the identity police?

I’m a 17 year old transmale and I’ve identified as male for about 2 years now. I am 100% confident that I am a boy, but I am also fine having breasts and a vagina. I don’t think of them as female. They’re just my parts! I like wearing things like dresses and skirts as well and I enjoy makeup, none of these things make me less of a boy in my eyes. However, I fear that people will not take my identity seriously because of this. Even in the LGBTQ community, I feel like people will say I’m not “really trans.” Dressing the way I want to really boosts my self-esteem (and I have struggled with horrible self esteem my whole life, so I really need it) but being called “girl” and “she” really hurts. I guess my question is, how do I deal with wanting to present a certain way but hating how it makes others perceive me? I will be going off to college in a few days as well, and I know that could be a time to show how I really want to be, but I’m scared of how people will react or treat me.

Molias replies: I’m going to make probably the biggest understatement of the year: gender is complicated.

As obvious a statement as that is, it’s still true, and I think it’s worth repeating.

I think one thing a lot of people - even many gender-savvy folks or fellow trans people - sometimes forget is that there are a lot of components to gender and that knowing someone’s gender identity doesn’t provide much information about what their gender expression or presentation will be. Plenty of people, whether cisgender or transgender, have gender identities and expressions that don’t fit neatly into a rigid and binary system of gender norms.

There’s not much you can do, ultimately, to control how others react to your gender presentation. Expressing your authentically-gendered self, whoever that is and however you present that at any given time, might mean that some people might question or disrespect your gender identity, but those reactions are outside of your control.

Trying to manage the way other people interpret your gender presentation is only possible to a very limited extent - I can’t tell you how many times in my past I’ve gone outside feeling really excited about my gender presentation, only to have the majority of people I encounter read something completely different in what they saw. People are diverse and complicated and they bring their own backgrounds and experiences to the table; you can’t know what gender cues any one person will pick up on.

Read the rest at Scarleteen here!

[lexaprole]

If we don’t show ourselves the same amount of compassion we show others, we’ll eventually come to resent the compassion we have for others… there’s little enough compassion in the world right now, so we need to grow our own to compensate for that.

 Kate Bornstein, My Gender Workbook

[birdblankets-deactivated2013112]

hm you know i think that a large part of the reason that the “i always knew/i was always different” narrative of trans experiences is so popular and widely spread is that it’s comforting to cis people

when a trans person tells a cis person that they always knew they were different, the cis person can feel comforted knowing that that’s not their experience; they’re not a budding trans person, they’re Safe

whereas when a trans person tells a cis person that “well you know i never really knew; it was just something that came up” the cis person doesn’t have that buffer; if it Just Happened to someone else, why couldn’t it Just Happen to them? there goes their security; this trans person hasn’t been Different all their lives, was always as Normal as the cis person, but then they weren’t. maybe Cis Person is actually just like Trans Person, but they just don’t know it yet. whoa. scary. 

so cis people reject that idea, because no way in hell are THEY ever going to be Like That. and i think that’s a large part of why people who don’t say it’s something they’ve always known are shamed and told that they’re not trans enough, not really trans, just faking it. in reality all trans experiences are equally valid, but in this system of hierarchy only certain trans experiences are allowed to be exposed to the world at large.

[korihors-blog]

pinocchio

i want to be a real boy,

but i am not very certain that this elusive "true boyhood" exists.

[sexereader-deactivated20140321]

Properly Suppressing Your Gender Dysphoria Narrate a play when you are seven. Protest your wardrobe convincingly. Don’t pretend the robe is a dress. Squirm when they let you wear lipstick and blush. Do not say they “let you.” Forget this memory. Hate your long eyelashes. Avoid androgynous haircuts. Blush when the lunch lady thinks you are a girl. Do not like this, but remember this — it is embarrassing. Don’t watch The Jetsons. Don’t dream that you have a machine that showers and dresses you in the morning. Don’t dream that it always messes up and dresses you like a girl. Consider this “messing up.” Do not have this dream again. Don’t go to water parks. Don’t hate your swimsuit. Don’t like hers. Don’t dream of futuristic water slides that can change your gender. Don’t always find ways to accidentally go down the girl’s slide. Consider this “accidental.” Stop having this dream. Stop having this dream. Stop having this dream. Stop dreaming. Forget that time in third grade when Kyle got to dress up as a cheerleader for Halloween. Don’t say that he “got to.” Become too old for Halloween when you are nine. Do not tell anyone why. Don’t envy that girl’s outfit, her hair, or her body. Do not envy her genitals. This is not envy; this is attraction. Don’t watch Mulan. Don’t tell your sister that you wish you were a girl. Laugh with her when she points out your bulbous Adam’s apple and tell her that you are kidding. Don’t hate your Adam’s apple. Do not push it to the back of your throat and wish that it would stay. Don’t ask your mom what she would’ve named you if you were a girl. Elizabeth. Don’t go to the Woodstock Fleece Festival. Don’t look at all the cute knit hats. Don’t cry in the car in front of your aunt. Do not cry over knit hats when you are twenty-three. Don’t go to The Stumble Inn with Karen. Don’t sit on the patio, and don’t order a drink. Don’t let her tell you that you have feminine features — you don’t. Don’t let it make you happy. Do not be happy. Don’t pretend to be a girl online. Consider this “pretend.” Pretend to be a boy in real life. Consider this “real.” Wait until you are older — it will go away. Pretend that it does.

Chase Harvey

[ieatdragonflies-deactivated2013]

The Unpuzzled Project - Promoting Autistic self-advocacy and celebrating neurodiversity!

We’re just starting out, but if you’d like to help, like us on Facebook and send us a message to tell us what you’d like to see from this brand new project!

[cmfcknw]

Visit Original Link

[korihors-blog]

Boy with a Coin | Iron & Wine

a boy with a coin he found in the weeds with bullets and pages of trade magazines

[korihors-blog]

canada dry

you told me last week not to use the word “cis man”. you said it made you feel excluded from trans circles, even though you are not a trans person. i held my tongue. you told me the same today, over cans of ginger ale and a one-dollar bag of hot cheetos. you asked me, "why can’t we just be people?" if you feel excluded and offended, take that feeling and multiply it. exponentially. feel it every day, carry it with you in the pocket of too-loose jeans you wear to hide your lack of a bulge. feel it in your bones when the men at the shelter chase you from a restroom. taste it in the back of your throat when your eyes sting with unshed tears and you tell yourself: "boys don’t cry". that feeling is my life.