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I`ve lived a long part of my life keeping the real me only to myself. Everything people around said and wanted were `alright`. I lived as a toy, lived in death. Then I learnt how to make my choices valuable and, at the same time that I was still the silent one, I started not doing and denying things that I didn`t really want to be the way others wanted. But I has still no voice back then. Maybe that`s why people keep saying I`m too quiet, don`t talk too much. And maybe that`s why they keep thinking and talking ”he should be lost while we talk about this, should understand anything” while I do understand, but don`t chat about it`s a theme that excludes me. I don`t know why, but if that there`s one thing that annoy me at a higher level is to see people protect and idea that they think should be real ignoring the one that`s really real. I have so many frustrating experiences of this king. And I keep pretending it`s all ok. But yesterday I just couldn`t, because even the person I thought could understand me was there judging me. Seeing only the other side and ignoring mine. I heard that I was interrupting everyone when the first interruption was when I was trying (at the first time) to explain my point of view of how the essence of a human works. I got and ”NO, IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY” and after this I couldn`t talk again for a long long time. Then yes, like they interrupted me at first I started interrupting then. Why? Because that`s just fair. Then, when they let me talk, I started to present proofs that the idea I was defending was right. I was putting facts in the table, a lot of then, and they started to say ”well, ok. Let`s just ignore then and get then apart of the entire”. Like ”let`s ignore facts and work with I want that be real”… It don`t work that way. You can`t ignore some (or a lot) aspects to make something to be what you want it to be. And that because you just can`t accept that it`s (a thing you don`t like that much, because it`s ”too nice that makes it`s boring” like they said when they saw the poster) the same that another thing you like. Other thing that was based (a copy, to be clear) of it. And the worst thing was that when I tried to explain my view of the essence of a human being again, after I let then to talk all what they wanted, they came with `it`s too late, I`ll wake up early, let`s go?”. ”We could keep talking while we walk” they said. But while we walked we got apart in groups. I think it`s just not that easy 5 people chatting walking like it`s in a cyclical table. And they knew it, of course. They`re not dumb. And then it came. I started listened to the only person in there that I think I can`t ignore the opinion things like ”It was not the first time”, ”you interrupted then”, ”they were tired of hearing the same thing”… and other things like this. Wanna know? And me? I was tired too of hear they saying ”I understand, but what if…” showing that they said they ”undesrtood” only in a pretending way to try to ignore facts. There`s no ”what if”… things are or are not. Maybe I should keep get back to my shell, maybe I should just hear and think again and turn into that ”too quiet” for the rest of my life. Maybe, but there’s one things that I will never do: I`ll never, ever, change what I am for anyone. Because the most important thing in my life are ME
