[mooninabucket]

WHEN HE SAID 😛 AND THEN HE SAID 😬

[mooninabucket]

[e-seal-deactivated20210319]

my nutritionist: “hey so like, what the Fuck have you been doing to your body?”

me: “oh this thing? this isn’t mine im just renting”

[e-seal-deactivated20210319]

listen i know this post requires you to suspend your disbelief just long enough to imagine me going to a nutritionist but i promise you it’s worth it

[nyctosaurid]

if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards

[luidilovins]

Wild rabbit?

chonk.

Wild hare?

FUCGN JACKED M8

[luna-drinker]

Jack Rabbits are 24 inches long, thats the size of a 2 year old

[anshelinasholie]

how can someone (me) be so beautiful (me) but also so underrated (me)

[distinguishedbaloney]

[wivernryder]

The auxiliary water pump on my car broke (the plastic rotted and cracked so it was spewing coolant everywhere) and the mechanic wanted me to pay $300 for a $150 part.

I went to an auto store and bought the part for just under $150 and was gonna have the mechanic install it until I called them back and they said they don’t install customer parts.

So I figured if they won’t install customer parts, they’ll at least fix existing problems with the vehicle.

So, naturally I poorly installed the new part myself, then took it to the mechanic saying I had coolant issues and wasn’t sure what the problem was. They fixed the problem in under 20 minutes and only charged me $30 for the labor.

[fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20]

Ho l y

Imma try that last one

[hotmolasses]

I went to my doctor’s office and asked if they had any slots open for that day.  They told me they don’t take walk-ins, you have to call ahead for an appointment.

So I pulled out my phone and called the office.  The other receptionist answered the phone and the first one literally WATCHED ME say “I’d like to make an appointment today if you have any slots available.”

He said to me (on the phone) all they had available was for 9:00, could I make it in time?

I said “Yep, I’m standing right here.”

He didn’t understand what I meant and happily put my appointment down.

I hung up and said to the original receptionist, “Hi, I have an appointment in five minutes.”

She (very angrily) entered me as arrived and gave me my forms.

[parsleysage-rosemarythyme]

*eats snack while looking for a better snack*

[fuckmountain2-deactivated202204]

[noelle55-deactivated20230111]

Me when I’ve got time

[skatamefraouless-deactivated202]

ok but good taste in music is HOT

[yoonswife]

me whenever i look at everyone: why am i the only ugly person

[angel-veil-blog]

[sunshineysprinkles]

Saying no doesn’t make you a mean or bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re insensitive or that you don’t care. You’re allowed to put yourself first and sometimes saying no can be the best self care. You don’t need to do everything people ask of you.

[i-am-a-fish]

everytime I stay at a hotel I take a bite out of the soap bar to confuse the cleaning staff

[damaramegido]

hey op real quick what the Actual fuck

[thescruff-deactivated20170211]

when you and your friend were supposed to perform together but you get into a fight because they gave you some gross pink chicken to eat and you were mad at them for almost giving you salmonella but you miss them a lot

[madderhatter]

[goblincrystals]

Did Roy ever find his boyfriend?

[madderhatter]

he did

[troyesivan]

happy for him

[rissi18]

YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART THEY ADOPTED A DAUGHTER NAMED TANGO BECAUSE IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO!!!! This is them:

and they even had a book written about them:

[thebusylilbird]

guys Tango found a girlfriend :’)

[surreal--memes]

Do not fear me child. The Egg of Answers shall protect you and supply you with the truth.

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

gimme the peat boys and free my soul I wanna lay down in a mossy hole and drift away

[opalcrow]

thank you

[kvotheunkvothe]

is this hozier’s newest track

[melonmemes]

[ruinedchildhood]