statement begins *fart noises*

i decided to start liveblogging and Oh Boy. sideblog of @kravicle

[kravreads]

MAG 144 - DECRYPTED

 two in a row! that hasn’t happened since i first started the blog but i have a free afternoon and plenty of energy. let’s see if this episodes manages to break my spirits enough to stop for now

let’s begin

Statement of Gary Boland regarding his encounter with the song “Numbers”, and all of humanity’s eventual doom

People listed: 

Martin Blackwood

Gary Boland (statement giver)

Gary’s father (mentioned)

Peter Lukas

Other notes:

no preambles. let’s just go. AND WE’RE GREETED BY MARTIN! sir ive missed your voice so much it’s been a horrid month i cant believe i ever stopped listening to this for more than a week when martin blackwood exists in the universe shame on ME.

i have trouble identifying what entity this belongs to. usually in the first 2-3 paragraphs you get a bit of context from the statement giver’s situation that led them to write the statement, and some exposition or framing or themes about what the entity might be. but im stumped. so what im going to conclude is the extinction? since it’s martin the one reading the statement and we know he’s working on that whole mess, and because i cant readily identify it so it must be the newest one that is still developing. or it might say in literally two lines and ive just wasted a bunch of time typing this out but That’s Just How It Goes sometimes.

this is a little unsettling since it’s so close to my real experience. not the growing up in the middle of nowhere part, i moved there later in life, but the dreams for the future that dont really end up going anywhere and being stuck taking care of people until one of you dies. that’s really dark im sorry. what im getting at is that martin must be feeling Some kinda way about the statement as well, given that (if my memory serves) he had to take care of his sick mother that didn’t really love him anyway. it’s rough! i think peter is being very cruel making him read this.

alright, definitely 100% the extinction. given the whole discarded skeletons of technology and now the ipod incident. 593756. i feel like that must be important somehow, i doubt they would just put any random number sequence knowing how the fanbase is and what the story itself is. but i dont have the mental power to go decoding this right now, specially since not knowing the cipher it would be nearly impossible.

3085392846. oh i did know that! about the heart attack. i believe it’s your brain trying to get your attention that something is Deeply and Unequivocally Wrong by making you feel like you’re about to die. because you might die!

4749162830165049. ugh the musicality that alex gives to this reading, it’s reminiscent of poetry.

564846474872. this is actually giving me goosebumps. it may be enhanced by the fact that i am also currently very bored during a hot summer afternoon in the middle of nowhere, spain, listening to a spooky radio show. just coincidences like that that can really immerse you in the fiction of it.

interesting how, since we’ve known about the other entities for longer, my brain seems to always be trying to relate aspects of the extinction into the rest of the wheel. like the number obsession seems very spiral-like to me. the way it’s manifested here it’s both very lonely and very vast. there is also a subtle motif of corruption with the decay of everything, from the junkyard wasteland to the father’s deteriorating health to the mosquitoes and other summer bugs. but above all, the death, but not just the death but the DOOM of the end that is coming rapidly towards you, i think specially because it’s been proposed that the extinction is an offshoot of the end.

ah, martin’s sass is something ill never get tired of. and he’s RIGHT! what do you plan on doing about it peter?

DAMN IT. DAMN YOU. poor daisy. martin i know why you’re doing this and, ugh even if i understand it it still KILLS ME. you’re destroying yourself and destroying everyone and the worst part is that you already know that and you do it anyway because you think that’s what has to be done.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm dont like that. peter is annoyingly fun to listen to though, it really irks me how much i enjoy his contributions to the episode. i wonder who could be the... visitor? another lonely devotee, or elias, or....?

well, let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 143 - HEART OF DARKNESS

heyo it’s been a WHILE. i underestimated how much season four would kick my ass, but we’re not done yet! hopefully i can get back in the groove before season 5 is over.

and with that, let’s begin!

Statement of Manuela Dominguez regarding the failure of the Darkness ritual and the subsequent fall of the People’s Church of the Divine Host

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Basira Hussain

Manuela Dominguez

Maxwell Rayner (mentioned)

Natalie (mentioned)

Helen

Other notes:

before we start, i can’t believe people i introduced the show to and that were so behind me are now ahead of me and some even caught up. i need to GO GO GO and get ahead now (yes it is a competition).

aw i love when we’re directly addressed! yes, it’s definitely this one, we’re ready. ready as we’ll ever be, anyway.

since i read along using the transcript (because otherwise i wouldn’t be able to focus long enough on an episode to retain any meaningful information), i think it adds an extra something to the experience being able to use annotations within the script like in theatre, but also the use of capitalization (in this case “see” vs “See”). just a neat thing! also, they do needed a better term for it

OH HOLY SHIT that was. ok so first things first i love how the relationship between daisy and jon has developed, i love friendships!! they are good supports for each other too. secondly OH that was scary that’s some good action.

OH HI IT’S MANUELA. ok this is a lot of things going on at once. so is manuela under the impression that GR is still alive? jon using his powers will never not be unsettling, of course.

hooo boy it’s been so long i do not remember these names. natalie was i think the roommate of the statement couple that left to join the people’s church? hither green.... was mentioned at some point, ill go through my notes later if he isnt brought up again with further context. OH WAIT that’s the church that natalie went to okay okay. all cleared up.

“crude methods” ok as a very wise sage once said, “if it works it ain’t stupid”. blowing up shit seems pretty effective as a way to disrupt rituals most of the time.

OH lynette is the mother of... the girl from that one statement, father’s love i think? robert montauk’s wife, the serial killer who died in jail to the darkness. alright aaaaaall the info is coming back to me now.

so i WAS right those few episodes ago? the ritual was disrupted and didn’t come to be? see i was confused because i thought they were implying it was about to happen but i was under the impression it had already failed. can’t remember why i thought that though.

she’s not aware that jon is the archivist now is she? i feel like she’s a little... in the dark about everything. ok i will stop now. i almost feel bad for their failed ritual attempt.

so this was before the police lights episode, waaaay before apparently. nice to add a bit of info to the timeline im definitely not keeping track of, the darkness ritual was around the time gertrude died.

jon does NOT sound pleased with this development, not angry though, i’d say more annoyed and perplexed than anything. i forget why they even came here in the first place? like to stop it of course but what was the tip. oh wait it was elias wasn’t it? Oh no i just had a horrible thought. what if elias wanted jon and basira outside the institute for a few days so he could come back and... i dont know what he would do but, objectively speaking, basira is the most prepared and capable member of archives team, and jon is literally tied to the archives themselves as the archivist, so them leaving is basically like leaving the archives unprotected (thank goodness martin is still there).

ok so my supposition is that by Looking at an object that is by definition unseeable he is.. breaking its essence somehow? like that thing that happens when you observe a quantum particle it forces it to choose a state of being, wherein before being observed it could be both at the same time. sounds bullshitty but is as good an explanation as everything else.

HELEN! helen i love you. i love how different all the powers sound in the static, very cool way to give personality to them. thank you helen for helping us i love you sm the distortion is 10/10.

and that’s it! great episode, actually leaves me wanting more so i might just go right in to the next one

let’s stop

[kravicle]

physically im living my life normally but mentally im thinking about adhd jon

[kravreads]

MAG 142 - SCRUTINY

everything hurts and i dont want to do this but im doing it anyway because that’s what life is all about baby!

let’s begin

Statement of a bystander regarding Jonathan Sims's recent behaviour

People listed:

Martin Blackwood

Statement giver (no name given)

The Archivist (mentioned)

Daisy Tonner

Other notes:

full disclosure i kinda knew what this episode was about as i read the summary because i’ve said again, i have some friends that listen to the show and ive been on tumblr for a while so ive seen some spoilers. that said i don’t know the full extent of it nor any details other than “martin is mr manager, jon has lost some morals for a time now” so let’s jump right in.

ohhh-kay then. what has he gotten himself into. following innocent bystanders for no reason... jon. can i just say real quick before this all goes to shit how proud i am of martin for handling this so well, for being a manager, and for apparently being able to take statements now?? directly from people? it’s a long way now from episode 100. maybe jon working at the archives has something to do with it with the magic of it, since he’s not “absent” anymore, but props to martin.

im very glad i always have the transcripts on hand, because the (scottish?) accent of this person plus the nervousness PLUS not being a compelled statement makes it a little hard to follow along just audibly.

im gonna guess that the building they were doing underground work on was a robert smirke one. also, jon definitely already pulled this statement out of the person and that is why they’re going so freely with it. just reliving it again.

so they managed to get over it as much as possible, or at least not let the traumatic experience impede their day to day life.

jon.......... jon. oh no, why jon? this person is absolutely traumatised, imagine having your privacy violated that way. the eye is properly terrifying, we forget that a lot since it’s part of our main cast, but it is still an entity that consumes fear.

oh no no that is stomach turning. that is actually horrible and scary. im so so sorry for this person. 

what the hell DO you do huh. fucking talk to him, sternly, say FUCK you that’s not okay! jon seems to almost understand harsh reality more than he does gentle propping, remember when tim told him to absolutely fuck right off right in his pompous face? and when melanie exploded on him too! well what he is doing right now is way graver than that, so he needs a wake up call immediately. trying to “save the world” while at the same time traumatising the people that live in it, doesn’t seem very productive don’t it? like at that point it’s just the same thing with more steps.

yeah martin, if he’s in way too deep all your doing for the past eight months has been for nothing. that sucks. thank you for proving my point. kill bill siren blaring in my mind right now as he talks about not even wanting to communicate. that is... you are ALSO very deep in some shit my guy. and i relate to that, god knows i hate confrontation and just retreat into my own head, but im trying! and you can try too martin.

DAISY! hello daisy. martin i adore you but please don’t be mean to daisy right now, she has Really gone through a lot recently and is here only to help, thank you. “hear the blood” oh god what? ok file that for later.

there are worse things than dying. dying is natural, and part of the process of everything. but there are some things...

oh touché... but still a bit dickish. THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM?? OH BASIRA. WHAT THE FUCK i thought at least she would tell martin since he’s like, working at the institute doing admin and shit! that’s why i was so preoccupied with how calm and disconnected martin was?? HE DIDN’T KNOW? fuckin hell.

yep yep, absolutely daisy. being in control of your suffering and choosing to go down with the ship on your own terms feels better than standing around helpless waiting for the inevitable, even if it actually isnt the better option in any given case.

well, that was awful! i hate this! and i Know it’s only gonna get worse from here :)

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 141 - DOOMED VOYAGE

i really didn’t wanna go through this again but a friend of mine just got into TMA and they are halfway through s2 already and im feeling PUMPED. MOTIVATED. so let’s do this.

let’s begin!

Statement of Floyd Matharu regarding his time aboard the ship Dorian

People listed:

Jon Archivist

Basira Hussain

Floyd Matharu (statement giver, worked in the Dorian)

Mikaele Salesa (artifact and antiques seller)

Captain Gaultier (worked for Salesa in the Dorian)

Other notes:

being on the other side of the chair in regards to people starting the show is amazing. also, my friend’s notes are even wilder and more thorough than mine, so like i feel i need to keep this up and not slack off. let’s see how these two stop the end of the world, again.

so they’re on their way to norway, by boat. and the tape recorder as always is just recording by its own volition. OH ONE OF SALESA’S SHIPHANDS.

SO HE JUST?? COMPELLED A MAN JUST BECAUSE HE KNEW HE WOULD HAVE WORTHWHILE INFORMATION? i am not too sure if i like this at all. like obviously yes i want to know more and that is an opportunity, not only for us to learn more about salesa and other stuff but also about everything that’s going on w jon and basira at that moment, but it feels... wrong.

wait, last voyage that killed whom?? Jesús or Salesa?? okay. we’ll find out soon enough i guess. lots of names that i don’t really wanna jot down right now but i promise ill keep them in my personal notes.

so some kind of spiral manifestation attacked this man. out of a rug. it seems like a life of dealing with artefacts has worn down salesa. so he’s retiring, but he’s gonna make a deal. why do i have the feeling this deal is not going to be good at all?

also, holy shit good severance pay, eat your heart out Magnus Institute, i bet they don’t even got dental. so they’re stealing... something from some rich person on a private island. almost makes me think of the lukas family, a far-off unconnected island belonging to rich people, that contains a cursed artefact?

a broken camera, okay. we won’t be seeing that again ever im sure. also something dark and huge underneath the water moving towards you is LEGITIMATELY terrifying and would be a real fear of mine.

rip salesa, rip the captain, and rip the remaining sanity of the crew members. i wonder who they delivered the camera to, and who/what betrayed them.

oh jon rolling all the nat 20s in persuasion. EXTREMELY spooky. i can’t help but feel both very horrified at this extreme abuse of powers, and yet also.. proud of him? in a way? for coming onto his own as an archivist. like it’s awesome! but it is tragic.

basira is RIGHTFULLY pissed off. jon sounds so... matter of fact. and calm. it scares me. like instead of doing a very bad thing he was justified in doing (or at least that he believes was justified), he is acting like nothing is even out of place. im so sorry about the nightmares dude.

oh playing the gertrude card, very nice of you jon. but he has a point, basira could have stopped him. but we all wanted to know and were willing to sacrifice the peace of mind of this poor man (when i say i mean the listener but also the narrative itself).

that was... weird. let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 140 - THE MOVEMENT OF THE HEAVENS

we’re doing it bro we’re making this happen!!

let’s begin

Statement of John Flamsteed regarding his successor Edmund Halley.

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Basira Hussain

John Flamsteed (Statement giver)

Maxwell Rayner (Edmund Halley, Flamsteed’s successor)

Abraham Sharp

Other notes:

that’s a foreboding title if ive ever seen one! oh man, what does jonny have in store for us today.

and we start with a conversation between basira and jon! i feel like we haven’t seen her for a couple episodes now. so jon is basically hangover from the Information Overload thing he tried last ep.

so maxwell rayner and stuff from at least a century before the institute was founded. also, jon knowing shit will never not be cool, funny AND creepy. halley from halley’s comet, i feel like this is the second time or so it’s been brought up, and i believe both times by basira as well! 

so you’re telling me that HALLEY from the comet is maxwell reyner?? alright then. sure. why not. let’s get on with the statement then.

omg is this the first time he had to flip the page beforehand? that was so awkward how he immediately got out of the “zone”. please sir ily.

immediately slamming newton, does jonny have a personal out of character grudge against him? i could understand why, i personally hate freud with all my being, it’s just really funny.  but NOTHING compared to how flamsteed feels about reimer, good lord. now this is an enemies to lovers AU if ive ever seen one.

memes aside we can clearly grasp the influence of the eye is strong w flamsteed, first in observing the stars and secondly (but more prominently) in observing halley himself. also to write a statement before the institute was even a thing must need a lot of beholding influence.

submerged in pure liquid darkness, that’s how he got blind. so that im guessing that was the ritual of the darkness or at least the preparations for it, reyner was vital in that step, and then he was killed so they now have to wait centuries to attempt again, which is coincidentally Very Soon. nearly 300 years to the date.

so there he is, the undead bastard. flamsteed dunked him in the waters like thetis dunked achilles in the river styx. so he’s basically immortal now, gotta find the weak spot.

“Oh that’s my rib” jon please never change. and the ashes oh god. awkwardest boss of the year award. oh my god the comedy in this is so fucking good. yes yes im paying attention to the plot, summer solstice longest day of the year best time to take them on, makes sense, but he knows how basira’s former teacher died. that is hilarious.

well, that was a funny one! thank you for reading. let’s save the world, again.

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 139 - CHOSEN

gooood morning, i just had breakfast and took a nice shower and haven’t slept yet. oh dear. this will have no effect on my thought process at all im sure

let’s begin

Statement of Eugene Vanderstock regarding the Cult of the Lightless Flame and the creation of their messiah, Agnes Montague

People listed:

Eugene Vanderstock (Statement giver)

Agnes Montague

Arthur Nolan

Diego Molina

Cult of the Lightless Flame

Other notes:

and so we dive right in. oh my god are we getting LORE ON AGNES?? sweet fire girl? 

young vanderstock seeing the wiped our remains of his childhood best friend’s house: “i hope this doesn’t awake anything in me”. i don’t know if we know who this arthur guy is... diego is diego molina, he died in mag 12 first aid by.. gerry i think? but arthur i dont know. 

oh poor agnes... she was literally created by crazy cultists to be the flame saviour, that’s gotta suck. i bet gerry and agnes could have a little chat about terrible mothers. OH WHAT NEVERMIND SHE BURNT TO A CRISP AND DIED so she was also raised by the cult. hooooly shit.

so that’s when she was sent to hilltop road, many statements cover this one so im not really gonna bother listing, we all know the drill.

my man the barista!! monsterfucker rights. from MAG 67 burning desire. according to my notes i have an arthur nolan written down, as... check this out: prentiss’ landlord. he killed himself by setting fire to the building! so that’s who he is.

so she ASKED to die, so that the ritual could be reattempted sooner rather than later, and it just so happens to be at the exact same moment the tree in hilltop road was dug out?? in the priest statement? holy fuck.

thank god jon has braincells now, not rushing out to ask eugene in person what happened, s2 jon could ONLY imagine. i do wonder how gertrude intervened though, it seemed so organic how jack fell in love with her. oo confirmation my notes are correct and not a mess, that’s always nice.

HELEN IS NICE, FUCK YOU. fuck you! sigh. also, you ARE an amazing chosen one jon, only because you are driving the story forward and that is all we’re really here for, not due to anything in particular that you might be doing good or bad. still love ya man

oh man i shouldn’t laugh at this but i can’t help it. i laugh when im nervous! he is really conflicted on his whole personal relationships (specially the martin side of it) and it makes me so sad but also it’s so funny in contrast to seasons 1-2. ugh the parallels between the “I need him to be okay” are killing me. stop it you two, i hate it. hate it!

oh nope bad plan, you shouldn’t have done that. that was uh- yeah. let’s just.

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 138 - THE ARCHITECTURE OF FEAR

when i was a child i wanted to study architecture, just like my mom. needless to say that didn’t work out. this is another long one so strap in.

let’s begin

Statement of Robert Smirke regarding his last day on earth

People listed:

Elias Bouchard

Martin Blackwood

Sir Robert Smirke (statement giver)

Jonah Magnus

Other notes:

my gift of clairvoyance has foretold that this episode will have something to do with robert smirke. an amazing gift, i know. it is not nearly as useful as you would think though.

ELIAS? MARTIN??? WELL HELLO WHAT A START. whyyy is my dear baby boy whom i love and adore visiting this bastard man whom i also love but for different reasons.

peter is actually trying to stop the extinction (that’s nice), elias is of absolutely no help whatsoever (as always). also my brain couldn’t stop but to make a “peter took the institute and martin in the divorce” joke and i am very troubled at it. no brain, we don’t do that here.

my first instinct was also to stifle a laugh at the thought of elias being busy martin, i understand you, but for what it’s worth i think he is telling the truth. he might be preparing a little ritual of his own if what peter has said is true (and now we know it is!)

so elias is just? willing to let martin walk off? but actually, if we reaaally think about it, he is using manipulation in this case. im just spitballing here but i believe he’s poking at martin’s frustration with, well everything, but mostly his inability to actually try to convince him, so that he’s not just sad and resigned and lonely but rather feels ANGRY at him, at peter, at everybody and chooses out of spite to still be helpful to his allies (and by doing that elias gets to keep an archivist and puzzle piece). if he says “it’s your decision! :) nothing i can do here” then martin will be like FUCK OFF fuck you and THEN make an active choice. which could backfire! it could backfire, but the alternative is saying “you shouldnt give in to the lonely” which makes it a decision to be worth thinking about and considering what he actually should do and wants to do and benefits everyone else more, which is MORE time under peter’s influence while he thinks so it would be worse. elias, you cannot hide anything from me. WHO’S THE EYE NOW BITCH

let’s get on with the statement. oh gosh golly robert smirke who would’ve thunk it. lovely to see martin reading though 💞💞💕💖💖💞💘💕💞

so smirke, much like jurgen leitner, came to regret his involvement with this whole thing later in his life. i have a feeling that jonah is... not going to listen to this advice at all. HOLD on, what did they build at millbank? im sure we’ll get to it soon. WAIT FUCK- i was already halfway through the next paragraph when it hit me that whatever is there is probably underneath the institute right now! so jon GET ON IT. now.

oh smirke, dont worry about jonah, he’s taken the path of the eye alright. i feel like that is a little bit of a recurring theme, the “pathless” and unaligned seem to skew ever so slightly towards beholding, just because it’s passive in a way other fears are not, and because wanting to be unaligned to see how everything plays out is intrinsically a very eye thing to do. examples that come to mind are mary keay and specially basira, who is for the most part hard to pin to any one thing. even mary who was self-proclaimed neutral, her first experience was very Eye, she knew gertrude personally (head archivist, eye), she had a child with.. was eric his name? im guessing if the pattern is correct, he was marked by beholding as well. and gerry was very much eye-aligned as well. so yeah, so much for neutrality.

LMFAO if you think jeezy boy will help out. i mean if he did, in the end, big climax, jesus comes and like power of love blasts away all the bad, that would be a VERY different podcast.

ooooooooh so the rituals were designed by smirke?? but there MUST have been previous attempts before the 19th century, did he just make the ones that have been “In use” since then? if they need a hundred years or so to recharge that could track, only ever been attempted a couple times. also, hello mr rayner we meet again. that must have been his first “life”, before becoming an avatar im sure. lukas we know, but who in the hell is scott?

oooooooooooh okay more information on what gerry said once, that the flesh came to really BE on the industrial revolution. i know what the purpose of this statement is now. peter is trying to get martin to look into what happened between the flesh “Not existing” to being one of the 14 and how to prevent that for the extinction. so, no real balance is possible if things are always changing and new fears emerging. there goes my entity wheel wip i was working on

and here we arrive, at the watcher’s crown. this is like the big eye in the sky from jon’s coma dream, (and i believe this will come up again in the future though i dont know exactly when, but i am pretty sure it happens at some point if my tumblr dashboard is anything to go by). jonah is a FOOL we but already knew that didn’t we.

typical white man blaming past civilisations they don’t understand, fuck you. so he’s being watched constantly, definitely jonah’s doing, im guessing this is an added bonus of the statement on peter’s part, showing the eye can be just as scary and unsettling as the others, to nudge martin into distrusting beholding. verrry sneaky. or maybe it’s just coincidence and he is completely unaware of that side effect.

this fool still on about christ? jesus, give it up man. you’re going to die a painful death. reminds me a lot of jurgen leitner, seeking to correct incredible amounts of hubris they displayed and harm they made into the world, and dying before they get the chance to.

oh no....... this is not laura my man. god this is chilling, had a little shiver there. AND HE’S ABRUPTLY CUT OFF, WHATEVER COULD THAT MEAN. nothing good ever happened to people who get cut off mid sentence. like john mulaney once said, “you hope it was a miracle... probably not”

it’s sad that martin calls out to peter and gets no response, he’s so alone loneliness won’t reply. that fucking stabs me man. he doesn’t deserve this, he is the BEST boy in the world. AAAAAA when he goes to say “i wish jon were here to help” since he IS the one that knows, but he cuts himself off and just powers through (alone) and says “I’m fine” that. kills me.

well that was a fucking bummer of an ending, now im sad.

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 137 - NEMESIS

what an interesting title. we’re almost to the midseason finale!

let’s begin

Statement of Wallis Turner regarding his time in the japanese north point camp, and his encounter with the ship “Nemesis”.

People listed:

Gertrude Robinson

Wallis Turner (Statement giver)

Leonard Holden (friend of Wallis)

Other notes:

a gertrude tape! these are always very interesting. i wonder how they choose to space them out so that they don’t interrupt the flow. it always feels like they are perfectly placed.

this statement giver is one of the most sensible people that has ever graced this show. not enough like my man joshua gillespie, he is THE most iconic statement giver ever, but with enough common sense to make a note of it.

always with the slaughter music. do you think the sinking of the titanic, so many preventable deaths, may have inspired this little aspect? or battlefield marches. 

i am speechless at the nemesis just, what, liberating people? that can’t possibly be what’s happening. maybe adding more recruits to the ship’s ranks but for the statement to have been made the person had to survive so, what the fuck is going on here. how did he escape. 

so everybody started killing each other, this person for SOME REASON refused the call of the slaughter, took a little rowboat and left the fuck outta there. holy shit. icon.

so GR was investigating the slaughter’s ritual, and yes it makes sense that WWII had something to do with it, it was so horrific and traumatic to not be completely unrelated to it. the thing is that the sister institute in beijing had the statement.

hearing her be amused and so... full of life is amazing. this woman even after her death has so much impact on everything that happens, she really feels like another character more that we’ve come to know and love.

a little mention of eric, gerry’s dad? was there ANYONE gertrude wasn’t on a first name basis with?

i wonder if jon is very seriously considering the possibility of peeking behind the door and seeing the safe combination, or whether he doesn’t want to risk it and get more than he bargained for.

i hope he’s okay, i can definitely understand his unease at being aimless. guess we just need to wait and see.

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 136 - THE PUPPETEER

i have caught the bug so i want to keep listening now. it’s not hurting me as bad as it was before. im sure that is going to change very shortly.

let’s begin

Statement of Alison Killala regarding the eventual decline in health of her mentor Neil Lagorio.

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Melanie King

Daisy Tonner

Alison Killala (Statement giver)

Neil Lagorio

Other notes:

web statement, im ready for it. i have the feeling this is going to be a martin one because god forbid we carry the same plot point two episodes in a row. not that im complaining, i love martin.

and we start with .... jon? i mean, makes sense, since he is the archivist and all, but i was SURE we were going to jump back to the martin and peter situation this episode. so daisy needs a babysitter basically, melanie can’t rn, jon it is. im sure that has to be frustrating for her (Daisy), feeling so helpless.

i know he can’t stop himself from asking, so if he really wants to not invade his colleagues privacy he should start phrasing everything as a yes or no question. “do you mind me asking where are you off to?” yes. so no further comment. no, so it allows them to elaborate without being compelled. you are welcome jon.

daisy, if anybody would understand, it’s jon. it’s okay not wanting to be alone, and SPECIALLY after a very traumatic event. you’re welcome to stay here anytime.

neil has appeared once before, in the Kumo episode (note: MAG 110 creature feature). that was the big spider movie that ended up eating nearly a hundred people in LA.

in that statement he never actually worked on the project, but it is interesting that it seems he would have been a perfect fit, with what his incredible love of his animatronic puppets and his general disregard for, well everything else.

i can’t help but feel all these titles couldn’t have possibly been picked out at random, there must be some sort of connecting thread between all of them or at least some significance. i mean it’s entirely possible that it could be random, but if i were writing for a show with an incredibly nitpicky and attentive audience i wouldn’t want to shoot myself in the foot by accidentally implying something that is not there. 

HE MADE A PUPPET OF HIMSELF? that is so freaky. she was taking care of her baby too while all of this was happening.

annabelle is here, of course this would attract her attention. and so he was sacrificed. im amazed she let this woman live. annabelle is definitely interested in the institute, to allow her to leave and give the tapes to it.

the fact that you don’t see a spider doesn’t mean it’s not there, that is a great point daisy. also, where did he get the lighter? i can’t remember. im pretty sure it was in season one, but i genuinely forgot how or why. okay i went to the wiki to look it up (a bold move on my part), apparently it was just left in his desk for him, along with the web table in artefact storage. so im guessing a spider just placed it there for him, no idea why.

:(( jon.... self sacrificing bastard. this is a very insightful conversation though. im glad jon and daisy are, sort of friends now. they are cute. this is excellent content. “traumatized, traumatized and paranoid” is the worst game of duck duck goose ever, i have to say.

we peeked through a different tape long enough to see that melanie really is in therapy now, which is good, and that that is all we are going to get on that matter, at least for the time being. can’t spy if there are no records to see through. can’t say that it will keep creep elias at bay but it’s better than nothing.

let’s stop!

[kravreads]

MAG 135 - DARK MATTER

yes, it’s me, back at it again at the archives. my brain is full of mexican hot chocolate so...

 let’s dive in

POST EPISODE NOTE: this was a LONG one! many many more notes than usual, please let me know if i have to dial it back.

Statement of Manuela Dominguez regarding her involvement with the People’s Church of the Divine Host and her research during the Daedalus mission

People listed:

Manuela Dominguez (statement giver)

Maxwell Rayner

Daedalus space mission crew (Carter Chilcott & Jan Kilbride)

Basira Hussain

Elias Bouchard

Other notes:

i dont mean to flaunt my incredible detective skills, but based on the title we might be dealing with the Darkness here. other possible subjects are science (likely) and grim news (most definitely).

MANUELA! that’s the other astronaut woman from!! the daedalus mission!! from MAG 57 & 106. so we finally gonna get the last puzzle piece of this weird space story.

okay so maxwell rayner was planning the dark ritual (the one that basira and the section 31 officers stopped in MAG 73 police lights), and apparently The Eye and The Darkness are (were?) allies so they can still turn over if they’d like. that is very nice of them. so she is giving a statement as a signal of trustworthiness (and i dont blame her for not wanting to feed the “voyeur”, which could be the eye entity itself or also elias as we know he likes to watch. or possibly both! most likely both)

manuela dominguez is a very hispanic name and in latinamerica and spain (and other latin countries) people are VERY religious (specially roman catholicism plays a big cultural part), so this doesnt come as a surprise.

so she found her own church (the divine host), makes sense that she would be as devout as they were but rebelling against their own beliefs. this, i have to say, is a VERY interesting episode from the traditional religious point, jonny go off!! also the voice acting is great (the way he spits the words like they are poison is truly wonderful).

i wonder if the desolation and the darkness would be allies? it would sound weird for the fire and the dark to have anything in common, but the desolation doesn’t actually shed any light (the lightless flame), and extreme heat and extreme cold are both numbing sensations to the nerves to the point they almost pass off as each other, unlike a constant warm pleasant feeling. also, extreme brightness can leave you blind, there is a lot of good parallelism here. they also feel very cruel, both of them.

i cant help but agree with what rayner is saying. i like nighttime the most, i can see in the dark pretty well, my favourite color is black, and yet all rational thought goes out the window the moment you are in complete darkness. it’s like you can’t function. the fear of the dark is just SO primal, because every other single fear you can think of could be hiding just out of view and you wouldn’t even know.

imagine if that’s how shit actually worked in real life, “the only thing that matters is that it feels like science” holy shit. also, confirmation of a three-way project spearheaded by the peoples church of the divine host, with the two wealthiest marked families supporting it. does worshipping eternal deities beyond our human understanding give you some sort of monetary benefit, or is that just the immortality? sounds kinda daft of course, money doesnt REALLY matter in the world they want to bring forth, but in the mean time! we all need to eat okay? so where do i sign up? (now i have a very funny mental picture of jon asking the eye for allowance and it just being unresponsive, basically lmao good luck, the archivists just eating instant ramen everyday).

THERE WAS A FOURTH PERSON? OH POOR BASTARD. also, woof that jab at gertrude for killing jan, oh well. so they had their little black star (cant help but wonder how heavy it was and how it was transported), and the ritual is ready to go (even with the death of darvish? that name isnt really familiar. if jon mentions it at the end i will comb through my notes).

i think they failed the ritual jon, just a hunch, but it seems like the moment has come and gone and- are you ok??? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO JON. WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION HERE- oh oh my god you FOOL you nearly gave me a heart attack! he was beholding seeing if he could find any info, but that sounded so painful i thought he was being like, hurt by something. well he was but it was himself (it usually is).

yeah jon you are not the personal saviour of every human being that’s ever been targeted, go easy on yourself.

hello elias! thank you for saving daisy, in your own convoluted and exasperating way for your own smarmy purposes, but she’s alive and reunited so all’s well that ends well (it hasnt ended, im aware. let me have this).

oh well fuck, so the darkness ritual hasn’t happened yet, fuck fuck. we were bamboozled basira, we got got. so now the gang shall stop another world ending ritual and lose more people in the process just, FANTASTIC.

love elias! he plays his part of unapologetic piece of shit that KNOWS he’s right and people cant do shit about it so well. kudos to ben meredith.

let’s stop the apocalypse... again. and this post. goodbye!

[kravreads]

MAG 134 - TIME OF REVELATION

it’s kind of been a bit hasn’t it? im back for another round of sitting thru the pain until im caught up

let’s dive in

Statement of Adelard Dekker regarding the emergence of a new entity

People listed:

Martin Blackwood

Adelard Dekker (statement giver)

Bernadette Delcour (victim)

Garland Hillier (believer of apocalypse)

William Millier (theorized the end of the world)

Peter Lukas

Other notes:

and so we begin! it is not an understatement to say i really am just slogging my way through this, i don’t want to experience more suffering but i DO want to read fic and watch tma vine compilations on youtube so like, i gotta know what’s happening man.

MARTIN!!!!! BABY- oh no he’s assistant to peter lukas as his title this hurts me a lot. sir i love you :(

this is our second dekker statement (first being MAG 113 - breathing room, which btw i have in my notes “FIRST MENTION OF A NEW ENTITY” so hopefully that will come into play soon). i believe he also appeared in some statements regarding the stranger (as the “exorcist” who bid a creature to the web table if im not mistaken).

OK IMMEDIATELY WE GET INTO IT, A 15TH ENTITY. something relating to apocalypses, scary shit, that’s definitely my fear. that we are our own biggest enemy after all, if that is true on a personal level why not a global one?

 i was born on another supposedly “apocalyptic” year, Y2K, so i don’t really know about mass extinction events, and allegedly prophesied end of the world dates dating from before internal plumbing, but i DO believe that eventually humans will extinguish themselves. the fast, unprecedented damage to our ecosystem and the growth of society in a planet that Very Badly distributes its resources (cough cough capitalism) means we gotta get our shit together or say goodbye in the next 100 years at BEST.

the inheritors. so, robot revolution? or the dinosaurs in jurassic park? also, RIP man, he disappeared. i have to say i like dekker’s writing, and alexander does SUCH a good job narrating things i forget he’s not the head archivist all the time.

HOLY SHIT THAT IS SUCH A DISCOVERY. could you imagine a 150 year old time capsule in mint condition?  “the door is the door” spiral like? but at the same time, antithetical to the spiral, since we know the door is NEVER truly only a door, it’s all lies. i looooove this new entity i have so many thoughts.

SHE WAS TRANSPORTED BACK IN TIME!!! oh- nevermind, not back in time, just all dead bodies. maybe a glimpse of what would happen forwards in time? that is SUCH a rad line oh my god. the inheritors are FREAKY and we didn’t even get a description! i bet they would be the kind to mess with our nuclear waste cemeteries.

“of an unfinished meal” is such a nasty yet descriptive way of saying marked, it works very well and it’s very unsettling. also, i agree with dekker, entities have overlapping themes and manifestations all the time but the way the FEAR itself is presented is the one that’s different.

“afraid of the competition” so sassy martin, ily. but i fear that if the extinction were to win, all humans would die and then who would be left to fear the other entities? not like they WANT the other entities to complete their ritual, obviously not, but priorities.

ok so no rituals EVER ATTEMPTED by the web and the end, the end i suspected as much since everything dies in the end, but the web is interesting! so yes an extinction ritual would be horrific for everyone and everything involved.

off topic but i really love peter’s voice, the way he speaks is so matter-of-fact without ever getting TRULY condescending or malicious, just what he believes is actually correct at all times, i quite like that.

“so what does that have to do with me” well you see martin im only rambling here but apparently you are the web’s special little lad, and seeing as it is the other entity that has never attempted a ritual it would be very good to stop the end offshoot, that’s just my 2 cents. i have no idea why peter lukas (the lonely) is the one spearheading this though. WAIT. FUCK. ELIAS. OBVIOUSLY. nevermind! carry on! everything is on schedule here!

ok so nevermind, AGAIN, peter has a plan and it needs someone touched by beholding, but all of the other archivists are too much of a hassle and martin would be better to work with since he’s so lonely, ok got it. also i want to add, i like martin bringing peter down back to earth and things that matter, he is not COMPLETELY helpless in this.... business partnership? oh boy.

OHHH OKAY I GET WHY MARTIN IS DOING THIS NOW. if the institute is somewhere in the lonely, the other entities can’t really get to it, smart plan! self-sacrificing martin as always, god damn you.

he’s right about jon that man has suicidal tendencies. and is too stubborn for his own good. and we LOVE HIM for it.

ew, elias voyeur, that’s a mental image i was trying not to think about. the connection was obvious but as long as i managed to keep it out of my brain then that would be fine. oh my god, could you IMAGINE if peter had agreed to keep the archives team out of danger LMAO as if! they are trouble magnets. 

SO MARTIN PUT THE RECORDERS THERE?? SWEETHEART. i bet with a little nudging from mrs spider, but im so happy nonetheless (yes i am convinced the web is planning Some Bullshit no i will not back down). 

peter is a master manipulator i’ve got to say, painting himself as the good guy and putting the entire weight of the world in martin’s shoulders while saying “well if you dont wanna help in keeping the entire human race alive because you are too distracted by jon and your friends then that’s your decision :) don’t let me stop you!”

GOOD SHIT. good shit

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 133 - DEAD HORSE

can’t wait!! let’s fucking go!!

let’s begin!

Statement of Percy Fawcett, regarding his hunt for the lost city of Z

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Daisy Tonner

Percy Fawcett (statement giver)

Jack Fawcett

Raleigh Rimmell

Other notes:

very interesting title, what dead horse will we stop beating today?

daisy’s back!! daisyyyyyy im so happy to hear youuuu. so she’s in physical rehab? that’s good.

so this is a hunt statement, seems logical enough, and daisy is here to listen to it. jack has a little crush on raleigh which is clouding his judgement SEVERELY.

raleigh is a serpent man, sniffing the air with his tongue. and he’s ON the chase. for a city? maybe people were wrong and Z is actually a person or an animal (or an entity).

okay the name “john franklin” was familiar to me (in a TMA sense, not just an actual-historical-figure sense). in MAG 98 lights out, it was winning the bid for franklin’s oilskin what made the statement giver go blind.

i dont really know what to comment on statements like this one. some are so enrapturing i forget to even write down after the statement is over, and others are so... normal within the expected parameters that i just dont know how to fill the space other than listening. i guess that is fine too.

OH. more historical people, and sannikova is mentioned! that is where the spiral ritual was. vampires in the amazon jungle, trust me i’ve been there and they are real.

they are just chasing and chasing without a concrete prey or object to find. just for the thrill of it. rip jack.

ok jon what a tactless way to ask for someone’s opinion. so he’s investigating more rituals (smart), because if there are others that gertrude managed to stop they wont be around for a couple hundred years, and if there are any that she didn’t... well he needs to find out NOW.

so the hunt’s ritual is the everchase. that sounds fucking exhausting. and it’s meant to never be complete i guess. in a world where everyone is hunting all the time, what would the prey even be? weird.

hi basira! she is pretty skeptic, which i would understand given all they’ve been through. i know basira needs someone strong to rely on finally instead of being the only pillar supporting everyone together, but daisy Cannot be that person at the moment.

gertrude was incredibly competent, we can all agree on that. but everybody needs support systems. someone please go support martin

i love the banter between these two, even when they are tense they can find a way to riff. basira is truly a gem. 

[kravreads]

MAG 132 - ENTOMBED

pretty self explanatory title. [insert witty remarks here]

let’s dive in

Statement of daisy tonner regarding her time inside the buried coffin

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Daisy Tonner

Basira Hussain

Other notes:

we start with daisy’s statement from way back when (MAG 61) about the very same coffin. AW JON god he is such a self-sacrificing bastard i love him so much. we’re coming with him (we always do).

OH THE STATIC? oh the thump of the coffin closing is a nice touch.

so we are timeskipping to the various points where jon is progressing. how very claustrophobic dear god.

we are being very pragmatic about the situation, someone would call that “cold” but i would call it “smart”. he is a man on a mission. this reminds me of that one caving creepypasta, ted’s cave? didn’t love reading it.

HE’S STUCK??? NO??? WELL WHAT’D YOU THINK IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN? but he’s STUCK. oh that sounds wasnt a good sound at all. something is coming.

DAISY! DAISY!!! YOU’RE BACK DAISY! she is regaining memories. she sounds so pained and so vulnerable, poor daisy she is not like this usually. GO GUYS LET’S GET OUT OF THERE.

“Is this like all your other plans” that made me chuckle a sad laugh. i like the static is the entities being like YO archivist boy you better watch what you’re saying right now.

daisy statement... 2! she sounds, so broken oh my god. poor daisy. that could break any person. so the hunt has left her? we are out of the heavy hitters (daisy, melanie) but i am glad they are on the path towards recovery. this was heartbreaking to listen to.

jon is always at the threat of murder. i could understand why daisy was scared of him and thought him unpredictable and dangerous, but that was still hard to hear.

THEY’RE OUT! the tape recorders?? were the tape recorders spawning by the rib/coffin so that jon would find it?? ALSO HI BASIRA.

wow. so daisy’s back. that was a Lot

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 131 - FLESH

good golly more flesh! awesome! we all need more flesh in our lives as i always say.

let’s begin

Statement of Jared Hopsworth regarding his life as a boneturner

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Melanie King

Jared Hopsworth

Helen Richardson

Other notes:

JON. NO. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT DID HE CUT??? WHAT DID HE DO?? IS THIS THE ANCHOR. Oh jesus this sounds awful. how are multiple chops not doing the job???? SHARPEN YOUR TOOLS JON, WHY WOULD YOU EVER CUT YOURSELF WITH DULL KNIVES.

oh, hi melanie. well you see jon has lost his mind, as usual. how are you? angry i see. i feel the total divorce between her sentences, like her brain can’t reconcile between being grateful for a horrible thing, so she is just very vulnerable and scathing.

i really feel for her, i do. jon trying to do his best to be a normal person and boss while comforting melanie, i can relate to the struggle (i am very bad at comforting people and i dont have to struggle with an identity crisis over if im losing every shred of humanity and becoming a detached monsters), but it is apparently Not helping. i feel for them both. 

oh? no wound no scar? that is very interesting. i wonder if only other avatars can permanently scar them right now. a little off topic but ive been thinking, ever since jon’s been designated as avatar for the eye, i really worry for him losing his actual eyes. like his real life sight, being forced to rely in the intrinsic knowledge in his brain and “see” with beholding powers because he just can’t See anymore. it’s worrying! i think elias would be in a similar situation but i honestly 1. don’t care lmao fuck off 2. it would be a much more compelling and painful narrative for our protagonist to be even more vulnerable, and then Forced to accept that “non-human” side of him in order to overcome his difficulties, without rejecting that side.

anyway, let’s go meet jared! apparently melanie knows him? or that’s what is being implied right now. i wonder if the slaughter and the flesh are just sort of buddies, seeing as they have a lot of overlap even if their dominions are quite different.

HELEN!! HELEN HELLO. jon do NOT be so rude with helen. helen said fuck labels and we STAN. so we’re going to go chat with jared, nice.

im glad jon actively takes us (The recorder) with him. im sure we would just magically appear out of thin air if he didn’t anyway, but i appreciate the gesture. tape recorders are comforting.

OH THAT SOUNDS DISGUSTING, HELLO JARED BIG BOY. his voice is so deep im having trouble being properly spooky im just thinking of the trivia murder party host.

WHY would you try to compel this man??? well that sounds like a good agreement. jared said: your ribs. hand them over. jon can definitely live without a couple ribs, i think some people are born without them!

i feel like jared is one of the oldest characters introduced and yet one of the ones that’s taken the longest to properly meet. like we met jurgen leitner and mike crew and gerry and such a ways back now, but jared’s been mentioned since s1 yet it is only now that he appears.

so he really doesn’t give a shit about the flesh ritual, or remaking the world, since he is pretty fine how it is right now. the flesh itself sends him letters? for odd jobs? or is it another entity (maybe the web?)

melanie stabbed the flesh monsters and jared with her super cool knife, queen. ok so the letters were a trap, first to lull him into a false sense of security in order to make him trust them and never doubt them in case the favour was a Prety Big Ask. so im thinking it might be totally the web sending the letters. haven’t the faintest clue why.

OH GOD OH JEEZ. YUM. helen i wish i didn’t have bodies to be my concern either. helen is an ally!!! I LOVE THIS. SPIRAL ALLY OF THE EYE. which doesn’t sound like the most natural alliance but who am i to complain.

alright. up next: trip to the center of the earth by jules verne.

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 130 - MEAT

always with the meat. maybe i shouldn’t be eating pork right as i listen?

let’s begin

Statement of Lucia Wright regarding her visit to Istanbul, and her getting wrapped up in feeding the flesh pit.

People listed:

Gertrude Robinson

Lucia Wright (statement giver)

Tom Haan

Other notes:

oh!! it’s a gertrude tape INTERVIEW. that’s a new one. gertrude is so smart, she knows you can’t just say “No it will not help with your nightmares, actually it might make them worse” because she NEEDS to hear the statement, but without lying outright to this woman. and the nightmares could stop if she is killed, that is true. very clever stuff.

there are a lot of interesting topics that, were i not an exclusively TMA liveblog post, i’d love to discuss in depth. like how architecture influences feelings and how they were commissioned for religious buildings to instil certain views on the churchgoers according to the values of their epoch. and i read about some gnosticism when i was in my homestuck days (whoops) but i don’t really remember much other than what i needed for my fanlore. 

ok, dead body in a van, miss get OUTTA there asap. so this is the flesh, and it’s pretty generic flesh stuff so far. i find it appropriate to say i just finished my pork tacos.

holy shit she got spotted. OH HE’S ASIAN WITH A BRITISH ACCENT? MAYBE... TOM HAAN? from MAG 72 takeaway? eat your heart out jon my clue gathering is impeccable.

ok, mouth, like the one in... another case. the one where private eye investigates a guy that then jared dismembers and chucks down (EDIT: MAG 49 the butchers window). this lady has so much resolve.

yknow im thinking, what does this actually have to do with anything? i thought jon was gonna go all suicide mission and head down to the coffin, and that the statements are now calling to him due to like, weird archivist powers, but i really dont know how that’s relevant so far (other than the flesh mouth is also a pit? like the buried?)

so was that a ritual for the flesh that got interrupted by, yet more explosions? holy shit. poor lady. OH GERTRUDE YOU BADASS, SHE WAS THE ONE THAT BOMBED THE SHIT OUT OF IT. and YESS it was tom haan.

dekker provided the explosives (yet again), and it is basically confirmed at this point that yes explosives do disrupt rituals enough (so we needn’t worry about the stranger for a bit).

ok.. the web is.. helping? or at least trying to push their own agenda. i keep thinking, i dont know if it’s a popular theory or accepted headcanon or not since i try to stay clear from spoilers, but since martin’s always had that sort of, kinship and reverence to spiders, wouldn’t the web want him? though he’s working for peter lukas at the moment so maybe not.

so wait let me get this straight, he is going to HARM HIMSELF in order to get an anchor before going down the death coffin? jon yoloing hard. what, now that the world isnt at an IMMEDIATE risk you decide to throw away your everything? idiot! there are going to be more rituals you cant die!

let’s stop

[kravreads]

MAG 129 - SUBMERGED

im doing this before i lose concentration. it’s either full speed ahead or full stop.

let’s begin

Statement of Kulbir Shakya regarding an inundation of his family home, and the whole world, due to a never-ending rain

People listed:

Jonathan Sims

Martin Blackwood

Kulbir Shakya (statement giver)

Other notes:

i like one-word titles, they are very ominous.

AW NO. NOT MARTIN IM TOO WEAK FOR THIS. i love him too much do you want me to suffer???? rhetorical question, i am aware they DO want me to suffer.

well fuck my good mood, this shit sucks!! im so sad and in pain!! STATEMENT BEGINS WHATEVER

gentrification kills y’all. this hurts. as someone who moved far away i relate to not being able to keep your house anymore. this “eberheart and strauss” company seems... shady to say the least (yes obviously it’s shady). i wanna say corruption but, there aren’t any bugs? so i dont know.

rain makes me worry for my bathroom ceiling collapsing so i dont love this. i like rain but, to an extent. ok so it must be the buried or the lonely, but i want to dismiss the lonely out of hand since he’s not talking about how he FELT lonely. it’s more like disasters like the dust devils and the earthquakes.

i just had a ridiculous thought, but imagine if this entity had helped this man with insurance claim by damages, at the very low cost of a few days of trauma and deep fear.

the RESOLUTION of this man, admirable. reminds me of the woman in MAG 71, which was also a buried statement. and much like her (and the other man from MAG 66), if you just accept what is happening to you and fully give in the buried lets you go (unclear if the other entities do so as well, i doubt it though).

so jon is having trouble containing all the information. he SAW THE BURIED RITUAL (mag 97) getting stopped by gertrude, who chopped up Jan Kilbride (mag 57, 97, 106) and it disrupted it.

NO JON TERRIBLE IDEA. AWFUL IDEA. I SUPPORT SAVING DAISY 100% BUT DONT GO IN SUICIDE MISSIONS JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE (MARTIN) AREN’T TALKING TO YOU

ugh. let’s stop