Romance for Athletes

A sexy new genre: Romance for runners, cyclists, and other masochists. Twitter:@romance4athlete

[krcblog]

how not to romance a cyclist, part 2

11. Maybe I'll join you and your friends on the ride today. You guys aren’t doing that pace line thing again, are you?

12. Spandex, Lycra, what’s the difference?

13. No, no, I didn't mean that. YOU could totally pull off a white and beige kit. I just don't know if, you know, it's the best thing for the team.

14. Aw, sweetie! You'll always be King of the Mountain to me!

15. I ride, too! Every Monday and Wednesday. This one time, in spin class...

16. Maybe this winter we could park the car in the garage? Honey?

17. Are you fast enough to pull off those white shoes?

18. Great finish! I love how you all come in a big clump like that. It makes it so exciting!

19. I got you a new jersey! I couldn't decide between club fit or race fit, so I just went with club fit to be on the safe side.

20. Forty miles? Wow, OK. See you in, like, an hour and a half?

21. As a tax payer, I just don't know if bike lanes are where we should be putting our money right now.

22. Check the dryer.

(For 1 - 10, see how not to romance a cyclist part I  http://krcblog.tumblr.com/post/94374573632/how-not-to-romance-a-cyclist)

[krcblog]

you're gonna need to sit down for this one

Finally a guy who didn't have anything to prove. He was so easy to talk to. A good listener. Didn't brag about his latest PR. Didn't tell me how he crushed it on the group ride. Didn't seem like a slave to a training plan. Maybe it was just false modesty. I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep up with him, but I decided to accept his invitation to go riding. 

We met at his house. I was nervous when he asked me inside, but it was cold out. I followed him downstairs. He turned and smiled, then opened the door. "It rides like a dream," he said. There, in the center of the room, was a six-foot recumbent. He placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered, "It's the most efficient form of human travel." 

I shuddered. Wow, I thought. Just wow. Well, at least he didn't install the flag.

[krcblog]

that honeymoon feeling

"Oh, honey, we really made it! Italy! I can't believe how smoothly everything went at the wedding....my mom and dad were civil to each other, your sister didn't get drunk off her ass...I mean, a little, but not like usual...and now it's just us and...and...Italy! Oooh, you know what I want to do now?" Claire paused and glanced over at David, who was gazing longingly into the middle distance. "David? Are you listening?"

"Mmmm," he said. 

"I swear, David, you're such a mystery sometimes. What are you thinking about?"

He exhaled slowly. "Um, the wedding. How beautiful you looked," he said. It was a lie. It pained him, but she wouldn't understand the mental calculus. Well, more like mental pre-algebra: he guesstimated there were 120 stairs in the flight, so 120 times 20 sets, plus six miles from the hotel and another six miles back...perfect!

He pulled Claire to him. "Darling," he said. "Let's go to bed early tonight!"

[krcblog]

what a feeling

"You know that feeling you get when you run a negative split?" he said. "Well, that's how I feel when I'm with you."

"Oh, Finn," she said. "No one's ever talked to me like that. That's just...beautiful." She kissed him, suddenly completely unfazed that she was falling in love with a man who regularly wore neon running shoes with jeans. Even in the city.

She pulled back and smiled up at him. "Now, do you mean a negative split with a tailwind or when wind is not a factor?"

[whatisultra]

WHEN YOU ARE TOO INJURED TO RUN

[krcblog]

ultra crush

When she finally hit Milepost 100, she found they were out of space blankets. What were the race organizers thinking? she muttered to herself. Suddenly, a handsome, lanky man loped out of the shadows. He extended a ropey forearm and handed her a space blanket. "You can share mine," he said.

In the light cast by her headlamp, she could see the sparkling salt crystals on his chiseled features. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Also," he said,"Would you like some of these Peanut M & Ms?"

Her eyes glistened. Yes. Yes, she would like the perfect combination of carbohydrates and protein! As she bit into the sweet crust of an M & M, she wept. She wept because the stranger was so beautiful and generous. She wept because the race organizers were good people, they had just failed a tiny bit and we all fail sometimes. And she wept because she was so darn exhausted and happy.

[krcblog]

the passionate side hug

The Romance For Athletes' Kama Sutra, Position No. 4: The Passionate Side Hug. Because kissing's great, but staying germ free and getting a PR is a little greater.

[krcblog]

breakfast in bed

"So, baby, how about this Sunday we have breakfast in bed?" he said. 

A look of horror writhed its way across her face. "Are you kidding? Are you into that?" She had heard that people sometimes had breakfast in bed on the weekends, but she never knew anyone who actually did that. She thought of herself as an open minded person, but this was too freakish to even consider. "Did you used to do that with your ex or something?" She was furious now. Who did he think she was?

"Um, no," he said quickly. "Ha ha, no, I was just kidding! Ha ha! No, yuck, man! Ew."

She studied him, trying to gauge his sincerity. Maybe he had been kidding. Probably. 

"Listen," he said. "I love what we have. I love what we do. A cup of coffee, a handful of ENERGYbits, and out the door for a good long run. C'mon, baby, I was just teasing you."

[krcblog]

the surprise

"Come up to the bathroom," the note read. "I have a surprise for you." He walked upstairs, turned the corner, and saw in the master bathroom dozens of lit votive candles and a bathtub full of ice water. "Let’s see if we can do something about those sore hamstrings," she purred and beckoned him to the tub. Later, as she fed him bites of a Recovery Clif Bar, he decided he’d never let this woman go…and also that it was probably not a great time to bring up the gluten content of the Clif Bar.

[krcblog]

1. Maybe you should take a break.

2. I like to jog, too.

3. Isn’t running bad for your knees/back/feet?

4. We have to be there in an hour. We don’t really have time for you to get a run in.

5. I run, too — when something’s chasing me. Ha ha.

6. What’s wrong? You’re crying! Oh my God, what’s...

[krcblog]

doctor, doctor

As she looked over the films, Jack reflected on how long he’d had a crush on her. She was super brilliant, a top-notch physician. She was also hot.

She turned to him. “Jack,” she said. “It’s a stress fracture. You’ll have to take six weeks off running. I’m sorry. You can swim, though.”

He slumped in his chair. “Six weeks?” he croaked.

“Jack,” she said huskily. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I have shin splints and I’ve been swimming, too. Also, I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.”

He didn’t get it. What did she mean? Why were women always so darn confusing?

“What are you talking about?” he said.

“Jack, we could do pool workouts together!” Her lovely and intelligent eyes shone.

He sprang from his chair and hugged her in a way that was passionate, yet still really respectful. “I think I get what you’re saying! Do you mean that I can actually run sooner than six weeks, like maybe just take a couple of days off and start back with easy, slow runs?”

[krcblog]

1. Instead of getting a lighter bike, maybe you could just drink less beer?

2. Oh, I thought that was junk mail. You look at that stuff?

3. Don’t you think it’s unhealthy to spend so much time on the Internet looking at that stuff?

4. You won a pie? Cool. How much was the registration fee? Hmm,...

[krcblog]

hey, nice chamois

He smelled old school, like wool and steel. She wondered: Did people even ride steel anymore? Why?  Would he be able to to keep up with her on the hills with a heavy bike like that? She wasn’t sure, but she did know that his chamois made his bottom look strong and kind of squarish. She liked that in a man.

[krcblog]

the stranger at the door wears lycra

She heard a clip, clop, clip, clop on her porch. “Who could it be?” she wondered. She opened the door and there stood a tall stranger with smooth shaven, muscular legs. “I’m bonking,” he said. “Do you happen to have any electrolytes?” She smiled. “Indeed I do,” she said. She felt her heart racing as she went back to her kitchen. Briefly, she wondered how many calories one burns when one’s heart is racing. She grabbed a banana and a glass of Nuun for the handsome stranger…

[krcblog]

she had my number

He'd fantasized about her ever since he saw her on his Sunday long ride. He imagined her showing up at his office. She'd be wearing a blouse and a pencil skirt* and she'd carry herself with the confidence of a Cat 1.

"I need to speak with you....privately," she'd say. "Of course," he'd say, and usher her into the empty conference room. "What's up?" he'd ask, conveying both his total sensitivity as well as his ability to take charge.

She'd look him up and down, pausing at his inseam. "You look like you ride a 55. Am I right?" He'd shift a little and swallow before answering. "Yes." She'd move toward him, take off her glasses, and reach for his hand. "I saw you out riding last week and noticed you checking out my Colnago C59. Well, my company's transferring me and I can't take my bike." She'd sigh sadly before continuing. "And you look like someone who would appreciate it for what it is. Please, will you take good care of it?"

*Straight men: A pencil skirt is tight skirt with a high waist.

[krcblog]

star-crossed CrossFitters

He laughed. "Oh my God," he said. "We have so much in common! I also really like puppies and sunsets!" He couldn't believe it. They worked out at the same place all the time and he had certainly checked her out before, but this was the first time they had ever struck up a conversation.

"I have a confession," she said, smiling. "Sometimes I just like to get out of the box and, you know, hang out at the beach."

"Me too!" he said. "I love hanging out at the beach, too! And, like, doing thrusters along the shoreline. I LOVE that!"

"Yes! Have you ever done double unders in the sand? It's so freakin' hard. Or clean & jerks with driftwood logs? Amazing!" Her face was radiant.

He had never thought of doing clean & jerks with driftwood logs. He could picture it, though, and it made his muscles quiver. "Emily," he said. "I swear I could do another Murph right now. Let's head to the beach!"

[krcblog]

actually, I do come here often

“Don’t you just love the smell of this place? The rubber, metal, and grease? That’s why I come here every day.”

Chris turned to see who was speaking and was stunned to find a beautiful woman with gauges and amaaaazing quads. “I-I-I come here every day, too,” he said. “I’ve never seen you before.”

She laughed. When she spoke, her voice was silky smooth, like Phil’s Tenacious Oil. “I usually come in later. In the morning I'm too busy. You know, being head brewer of an award-winning brewery doesn't leave much time for other passions."

"H-h-head brewer?" he stammered. "I happen to love beer. Almost as much as I love bikes. Maybe a little more. No, probably less. I - I..." His voice trailed off. The mental calculus, though exhilarating, overwhelmed him. She was clearly his soul mate and he needed to pull himself together before he made a fool of himself.