[kriscie-blog]

I guess I got something to say.

It's common to think that because you are related to someone that you know them for real. But you only know what you see, just like everyone else. You will only ever KNOW what YOU SEE. Regardless, I see what you mean.

I had a Mother who was very affectionate toward me. So to me- that was love. I wanted to show them love the same way I showed it to my mom and that's the main thing I got teased for. Naturally, that just made want to be under her even more.. I think that's what they mean by "spoiled."

I don't believe being family makes you close. I believe being close makes you family. The synonym for that is stubborn.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that if someone is talking about something they should be right, right? (Myself included) aka SMARTASS.

I don't like to talk about the same stuff most people do because a lot of the time, I can't relate. That would make anyone quiet.

When I do finally get the courage to talk about science, spirituality and conspiracy theories I'm weird. -That's only understood in part.

And whenever IF ever I spoke up or became more assertive about my thoughts/feelings (than what could be expected from a generally passive person) I may as well be stabbing people in the heart with a spoon. That's actual rage.

YOUR perspective doesn't mean something until you're hurt or harmed.

The oldest adults still want to be the boss of me - and the ones that are supposed to be my peers think their my elders. The ones that are considered the "babies" are the ones that I have the tightest bond with. I hung out with them because I was always too young to hang out with my real(?) siblings and I didn't grow up with any cousins but one on my father's side. In a sense, my oldest niece and nephew are my siblings.

That's wild.

The Grandkids (of my Mother) are my squad.

It's like walking a generational tightrope..

My Mommy knew how I was gonna get treated because I was the baby. I think that's why she kept me so close. Because of that I know how to be a loving person but to be honest I've had a shitty relationship with the majority of my family my whole life.

I've always felt like I was in this alone because I'd lost every female adult that I had a close relationship by the time I was fifteen.

That was the language barrier.

[kriscie-blog]

Autumn Night

What a sight to see.. Got me blushing- kinda hard breathe. Manifesting love because we're so in sync. Now you see me, tricks up my sleeve. I know you tryna go but you ain't gotta leave. Riff the runs I'm tryna make you sing. Hit the booth and save a kiss for me. Dial my line, I'm tryna get a ring.The seasons new but it still feels the same. We're making sense don't think we need to change. Think you get the picture? Knock it out the frame. Address the letter..

don't forget the name.

[kriscie-blog]

Little More Monday

I had decided that I was going to read one of my favorite books again so I put it on my list of books to finish by the end of this year.

I've read this book three times already so this time would've been the fourth. Now let me tell you why I've had the giggles for months..

This book was like my "blanket", I felt comfort just from having it near me so I carried it around a lot - even when I wasn't reading it. "If I still had two copies, I'd let you borrow it." Was my catch phrase when it came to this one..

But something about a recent interaction with someone made me feel like if anyone but me had to have it, it should be them. Before I even broke the last chapter (it was still bookmarked with an old bracelet I made) I gave away my book.

It's so funny to me because choosing to do that is probably one of the quickest decisions I've ever made. How is it that we can be so sure about doing the most random things?

I know you've made book recommendations before but have you ever given away your favorite one without finishing it? hhhmmmooohhmmygawd 🤣

But I don't believe in blocking blessings and I'm learning to trust my ability to have faith in certain things when my intuition speaks.. So the beautiful stranger who accepted my gift: I see you and I know you see me. But I'm trying to see you see me and I got a lil mo reading to do. Can we finish the story or nah?

[kriscie-blog]

Listen to Downlow by BadLuckDM #np on #SoundCloud

[kriscie-blog]

K.I.S.S

If you were standing in the perfect position to see where you started and where you could end up, which way would you go?

Life is so simple, the easiest thing we can do is make it complicated. A lot of the time, we know what we have to do to get the results we want and it's most difficult to do that when it's different from what we're used to.

"Routine is death to creativity."

Nothing kills a dream more than the habit of always having done something a certain way.

Sometimes we find comfort in the same things that give us grief just because we're so used to that pain that it doesn't even hurt anymore. But how silly is it that we know the possibility to be 10x happier is out there and we're afraid to see what it's like?

[kriscie-blog]

Heiress Bueller

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately - which isn't new for me but the thought patterns have definitely shifted. I sit and randomly think about how much my life has changed in such a short time because I've made a conscious decision to make some changes with my life and myself. It's weird because now that I'm in this moment, I look back and remember the moments that I recognized that I knew IT would happen - I just didn't know WHAT would happen. To put it in plain English, I knew I had started to change direction.

I knew this because I was so comfortable with spending time alone again that I actually preferred it. I'd become more focused, firm in my beliefs and a lot less afraid to speak my mind. It was also very clear that I just didn't relate to a lot of people that I once considered friends and I became better at removing myself from uncomfortable situations.

That taught me a lot about relationships with people in general and how many people define themselves by their relationship to another person.. how I -in some ways- did that as well.. It made me think about how I never want to think "who am I without (these people)?"

I think that in order for us to recognize a genuine connection with another being, we have to know ourselves individually. So for the past eight months, I've been reintroducing myself to me.

It's crazy because I feel like for a long time I was avoiding this transition: I was really afraid to be "alone" (because for a long time I associated value with a number of people but time has taught me that the value is in the quality of those relationships) I realize now that I was actually avoiding my peace.

So now when I can take the moment, I take it all in.. I think back on the steps I took that brought me here, I pray, I think of how thankful I am. I understand that there are so many times that I could have not ended up in the space I'm in now - mentally, spiritually, geographically.. lol and although I'm not 100% where I know I can be, this is the best space I've been at in a long time.

They say that you're always one decision away from a totally different life. The only thing I know to be truer than that is that life moves pretty fast and if you don't stop to take a look around once in a while, you might miss something..

Something like that right?

[kriscie-blog]

Lucid Dreaming

Never knew but in that moment I was choosing, you were chosen. Lift off and now we're floating.. cloud nine baby let's coast it. Shoot for the moon - we can have me time. I know life's crazy but we'll both be fine. All I really need is you by my side.. defend my honor, I guess you know the rest.

Hit my line, you got me holding. So many words I left unspoken. Im playing I aint joking. Im shooting - you're the one scoring. So pick a vibe, pick a side, hop in the vroom and let it ride. Watch the sun set then watch it rise, watch you see me through your eyes.

A wave so deep that Im willing to drown for it.

[kriscie-blog]

90s Baby

I can actually appreciate that i went through a bunch of bs and that it was early in life. It was at an age where I was still receptive to everything going on around me and understanding of the fact that I was learning. So in a way, I feel like I ended up learning a lot more than I would have if had "my shit together" sooner.. if that makes sense. Lmao

Many people live life for a while and think that they have it all figured out but there are so many possibilities. There are so many different experiences that we forget we can't judge everybody's experience off of our own. It's wrong to judge people because we don't know what life is like for them or what they're meant to learn from the things they've experienced.

I think that we forget the most that people are allowed to grow and change and not be the same person they were last year or last week or even yesterday. The word "fake" is used too loosely when it shouldn't even be considered a choice word when you notice a change of pace in someone. We should encourage growth. We are too quick to brand people from bad habits or past mistakes and we don't realize we are hurting their growth..

There were so many times that I felt like I was getting ready to spread my wings and they were clipped with disappointment. Nobody really understands how fearful I was of really living and experiencing life because of the way they projected their lack of faith IN me ON me. They saw their impression of me as my only dimension and had expections of my abilities based solely on that without ever really trying to get to know me. (Being related to a person doesn't excuse you from having to make that effort.) We are not allowed to tell people who they are - especially because for a long time, we don't know nearly enough about ourselves..

The hardest thing I ever had to do was get to know myself- especially the character flaws. There are definitely a few scars as a result but pain teaches us valuable lessons in things where comfort wouldn't scratch the surface.. I can say the lessons were worth it because I can't imagine who I'd be if I didnt know what I know now (about myself, the world and people in general).

Im stronger, smarter, more reflective and confident. Im becoming more of a doer than a sayer and I'm no longer afraid to go after what I want because I've realized that I've lived more than enough of my life in fear. I acknowledge my light, recognize my worth and I am no longer afraid of my own voice.

I can't help but feel like I'm coming up on the best years of my life..

[kriscie-blog]

West Wing

I feel like a lot of us go through life rushing to "pick our person" because sometimes we feel like we have to. You get to be a certain age, unmaried, without children and people start to look at you funny.. They ask questions, make assumptions and give awkward reassurance.

I'm the friend who is brought up in conversations whenever anyone hears "single friend" in a sentence- like everyone is in a competition to see who can marry me off first. It's almost as if they all think that there's only one way to be happy and because I dont have what makes them happy in their own lives, they're unhappy for me. That's such an odd behavior.

I'm at a very reflective point in my life; I've always thought about a lot of random things.. but now it's like every random thought I've ever had is starting to make sense. I'm starting to realize why my interactions with people are different and why there are many things about me that most people don't understand. It took me a while to grasp that so honestly, peoples comments bothered me until I learned to stop thinking about people and what they thought of me.

-internal note-

For anyone who hasn't realized this yet: life is not about trying to control things and people for your own comfort. You cause more disruption to your surroundings than peace by trying to change them. It's a better service to everyone (yourself especially) to be around things and people that mirror your preferences.

i.e #mindyourbusiness

Do I want a family? Of course. I think everyone wants their own family dynamic and it's beautiful that people want that for me. But when that happens is not their decision... neither is the guy or the children or the dog.

Right now what's most important to me is someone that gets it.. I invest my energy. I need a return on that with interest.

[kriscie-blog]

Nah, ima stay

I used to put people on a pedestal then self assurance came and evened out the levels more. That blew my mind into a new perspective. Aint shit about self-love selfish.

Solitude is dope because you listen with your soul and it sounds like your favorite childhood stories. Then you learn lessons because you lost some and you love better because you lost one:

Self. The one that's easiest to find and sometimes hardest to see. Focus. Find the sun in your relection, stars in your eyes, the moon in your heart. Keep the universe in mind. Ever evolving. Infinite. Immeasurable.

Learn to love You unconditionally- without limits, in spite of your insecurities and loving other people won't be so hard.

[kriscie-blog]

A Song for Mama

It's almost Mother's Day again. A day where I would normally have to fight back tears and hide the fact that I still- yes, "still" got choked up at being a "motherless" daughter trying to celebrate the holiday. For the longest time, I couldn't even say happy mothers day without my voice breaking.. This will be the eleventh Mother's Day I don't get to celebrate with my mom and it still shocks me that I'll never see her again.

Some days, I feel her presence so heavily that it comforts me. Other days, it's overwhelming. Everyday, Im grateful to have had such an amazing woman for a mother - even if only for a short time.

I told her I loved her everyday. The last thing I said to her was I love you and on the days when I feel the grief creep up on me, that brings me so much peace. Days that I miss her, I remember her smile.. her laugh still makes me smile and her dance still lifts my spirits when I'm feeling down. I will forever tell people how I got to be about as tall as her and she would still pick me up- with my toes touching her ankles.

Before last year, I rarely wrote about my mother publicly and honestly, never to this extent. I didn't really like seeing pictures of her unexpectedly and while certain songs or movies that reminded me of her soothed me, others would sometimes cause panic attacks. I'm no longer embarassed to say that because no one will ever feel that loss the way that I did. Mostly importantly, I want people to know how and when you grieve is up to you. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for understanding the value and mourning the loss of someone who meant the world to you. We have to feel that pain in order for us to recognize when we've healed.

I see a lot of her in myself- mostly in the way I love people because she loved me so much.

A lot of who I've become and me finding my confidence is because of her. My nickname "Kristopher" came from her. She's called me that since I was in elementary school- I was my "real" name when i was in trouble..

It wasn't a surprise that I got side eyes about my name but in all honesty, it's not for everyone to understand or be comfortable with. I don't know another woman named Kristopher so to me, that was her way of making sure I knew that she thought I was special. That was her confidence in me to be who we both wanted me to be.

Mommy, I just want you to know that you've taught me so much in the fifteen years I got to have you here. Even though you're not here physically, I continue to learn from your lessons and the memories I have with you. Thank you for loving me, encouraging me and always having faith in me- even when i doubted myself. I will forever love, respect and cherish you for being the mother I've always needed. I couldn't have picked anyone one better and I think it's pretty cool that you're an angel now. Although life will never be the same, I won't take my time here for granted.

I will make you proud.

[kriscie-blog]

Sniper the Fox

If you're my shooting star then I have one wish. I close my eyes and it feels like this: Soft lips. Firm grip. Eyes locked. Undivided attention.

Mind racing with you on it so I'll give you the time if you want it, Poppa. What you asking for?

If we take it slow and build on it then I got you- that's the truth. I feel it when you think about me- you know you're always on my mind too? If anyone asks, I don't know nothing.. stop winking.

Aim and shoot.

[kriscie-blog]

Frequency Vibrations

Im talking to you like you got me. Man and i can't lie.. this could've been us months ago. I was way too shy. But now i think you see me. The connection's pretty easy.. Therefore, I'll tell you anything as long as you are listening.

Let's get down to business, dancing's where my heart is. Im really into yoga, hiking, lifting, scripting and visions.

I see me picnic-ing at lakes with you. I wanna kick push it and skate with you :)

Im a homebody. Im into mental fitness, working out my body and nurturing my spirit. Little zen goddess. Lazy buddhist novice. A dash of arts and craftsy- in creating i find solace.

Im soft spoken but confident; personality kinda lit. I guess because Im constantly switching up my flow- just so you know.

To others it's still nothing. To a gemini seeing through the blinds it's like smelling a rose for the first time.

Here's just a little something bout me..

[kriscie-blog]

Speaking of time, who stopped it?

What an interesting concept.. How we can seem to have more or less time just based on how we use it.

It's said to be an amazing gift to have a lot of time to experience life. But an abundance of time doesn't necessarily mean that you've had much of an experience.

I mean this with the best intentions, but a lot of us don't even know who we're living for. Take a second to just think about who you are.. remove all titles, relations, etc. Get rid of outsiders' expectations and really think about who you are and what you're passionate about. What do you want out of life?

Before last week, I can't really say the last time I had any of that in mind and I'm not sure why its happened at this moment in my life, but it's all I can think about. It's wonderful that we all want to live a long life. I just can't pull away from the question of why not emphasize an experienced life? Why are we not free to want to learn, be and do more without criticism? I read a quote years ago that said, "the meaning of life is to give life a meaning." and that's all I've wanted ever since.

We complain about the days being short and say we want more time only to do the same thing tomorrow.. We have to stop stressing about how much or how little time we think we have because the quantity of time is an illusion anyway. There would be many days where I've had a productive day and I would periodically check the time like "wow, it's still so early!" As opposed to days I would goof off a little more and then be upset that some things didn't get done. You don't ever run out of time; you just realize that you wasted too much.

The saying "it's not about how many breaths you take but how many moments take your breath away" pretty much sums up how im feeling about life right now. Carpe diem type vibrations. I don't really know where I want to go I just know I'm going to get there. Im ready to start exploring everything and creating an experience worth something. Im inspired, lusting for life and I'm trying to live in this moment like a freeze frame.

[kriscie-blog]

The Art of Science

To a person without understanding of the way two things work, they would fail at the task of explaining the relating elements. It would seem as if there is no relation at all but that is only when the concentration is  solely on the surface of the subjects. Every single aspect of the world is related to another because that is the way the world works, whether the purpose of knowing about two topics is to be able to elaborate on an explanation or to figure out a different way to approach a task.The more unrelated two subjects may seem, the better the outcome. The ability to use the complicated nature of one subject to intensify the simplicity of another allows you to understand reason and that gives you a better understanding of the way of the world. It is not difficult to find the connection between physical science and graphic design, especially when knowledge of the subjects is obtained and proper information is utilized.

To define the word, science concerns the description and understanding of an environment. For better understanding, it is a term that is used often to describe total knowledge of a specific subject. The word environment in the text definition does not leave much room for imagination whereas properly altering a definition to get the general idea makes it possible to think outside the box. Using the word subject when defining science makes the use of the word general, implying that everything is explainable by the knowledge of science. Within physical science, there are five major divisions and they are physics, chemistry, astronomy, meteorology, and geology. Within each subcategory of physical science, one common way of solving a problem is used, it is called the scientific method.The only thing that makes these divisions different from one another is the area of the world in which they apply.

Graphic design is defined as the art or profession of visual communication that combines images, words, and ideas to convey information to an audience, especially to produce a specific effect. It is more commonly taught as being a visual solution to a communication problem. In design, there are nine basic principles and they are unity, variety, emphasis, balance, proportion, contrast, movement, rhythm, and harmony. Using the nine principles, graphic artists communicate with consumers through magazines, advertisements and websites, sending a message that is not always plainly written but always gets the point across. A person who is not quite familiar with the purpose of graphic design would not understand all of the planning that in takes during the process of creating a graphic image. Usually, work done by a graphic designer does not contain words so to create an image for the purpose of displaying a message without using words takes a lot of time, patience and effort.

 It could be assumed that graphic design and physical science have absolutely nothing in common. Actually, they are similar in ways that many people do not understand. Of the five major divisions, graphic design relates mostly to chemistry. Chemistry deals with the composition, structure, and reaction of matter. Those things are also three of the most important aspects in the area of graphic design. When creating a design, composition and structure are the most important factors in attempting to receive the proper reaction from consumers. Because solving a communication problem can be difficult sometimes, one method important to chemistry may be useful. Using the scientific method as a template to solve a communication problem, one is able to identify the problem, plan a possible solution, test their theory and have the option to alter their solution to change the outcome if needed.

In comparison to science, graphic design is simple but many people fail to realize that it is a science within itself. Both fields require patience understanding and the ability to keep trying after possible failure. Like science, graphic design can play the role of a second language to some and a new language to others. But if one is understood, the tools are obtained to comprehend the other. Researching this topic, I discovered a lot of things that I had never really paid attention to. Science can be applied to any and every aspect of life and if you are ever in the position where you do not understand or feel like a problem is insolvable, the scientific method never fails.

[help-n-quotes]

I think I’ve always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the day.

Emile Hirsch (via help-n-quotes)

[help-n-quotes]

I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. It gives me time to think and set my mind free. I like eating alone and listening to music alone. But when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their bestfriend, I realize that even though i like being alone, i don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who wont run away.

Hannah Nelson (via help-n-quotes)