Kris Hoffmann (ARCHIVED) @kriscord-server - Tumblr Blog

"What if I got a pet sperm?"

…

I may not like you but goddamn that is a brilliant name for babies.

"Exactly. I feel like 'babies' doesn't quite fit them.

Also, I apologize for attempting to murder you a few times. It won't happen again."

*He shrugs*

Don't worry about it. Just don't try it again and we're all good.

"I won't. How are you doing now, actually? I haven't heard much from you."

Eh… life's been a pain in the ass. But I'm managing with booze and drugs as usual

"What if I got a pet sperm?"

…

I may not like you but goddamn that is a brilliant name for babies.

"Exactly. I feel like 'babies' doesn't quite fit them.

Also, I apologize for attempting to murder you a few times. It won't happen again."

*He shrugs*

Don't worry about it. Just don't try it again and we're all good.

"What if I got a pet sperm?"

theonlyrealdazaiosamus-blog

…

I may not like you but goddamn that is a brilliant name for babies.

*Throws cheese at you*

~ @kriscord-server

Ooo cheese..

#bsd oc #bsd #bsd rp #bungou stray dogs #oc rp #bungo stray dogs #in character #oc #tw abuse mention #tw abuse implied #this is def not mod venting #noooo #why would they?

G E T C H E E S E D

My mother may have hit hard but the depression always hit harder <3

dazai-mackerel

i’m immune to the ‘1, 2, 3’ thing that parents do cus like- what’s the worst they could do? hit me? been there- done that.

honestly such a mood

"I looked up being anxious. Which led me to something about anxiety. Someone please agree with me when I say that it doesn't sound like me?"

Sigma as someone who actually has anxiety...

Um maybe go do a little more research and talk to Dad…?

"Dad is gonna worry if I mention anything. And it's not like I'm actually anxious, someone just said that I am... so I looked it up... and I still disagree?"

I would still suggest looking into it-

"I looked up being anxious. Which led me to something about anxiety. Someone please agree with me when I say that it doesn't sound like me?"

Sigma as someone who actually has anxiety...

Um maybe go do a little more research and talk to Dad…?

Heyy Sigma! I don't know how much information you got, but I got some too.

Might be helpful-

~ @kriscord-server

"Still working on it, but I got some information on who's probably Karma's old boss. What did you get?"

I've got information on his old boss too!

It was some dude named Ace… he had an ability…? It seemed pretty suited for enslavement. I'm sorry, I can't remember what it was called.

He's… supposed to be dead, but I think he came back somehow. It's Yokohoma, the dead don't stay dead.

I think it's a good chance that he was the one that kidnapped Karma.

"Madness of the Jewel King. We got the same information"

*He lets out a sigh.*

"Yea, I said the same thing... honestly, it's a pain. Can't people like that stay dead? But at least we know who to kill"

I'm going to castrate him, hear him scream and watch him bleed in the dirt, then kick him to death and severe all his limbs off. :)

"... I'm still allowed to shoot him, right?"

Shoot him while he's being kicked for maximum pain. Don't give him any fatal shots, let his suffering reeeaaallly extend.

"Mhm..."

Heyy Sigma! I don't know how much information you got, but I got some too.

Might be helpful-

~ @kriscord-server

"Still working on it, but I got some information on who's probably Karma's old boss. What did you get?"

I've got information on his old boss too!

It was some dude named Ace… he had an ability…? It seemed pretty suited for enslavement. I'm sorry, I can't remember what it was called.

He's… supposed to be dead, but I think he came back somehow. It's Yokohoma, the dead don't stay dead.

I think it's a good chance that he was the one that kidnapped Karma.

"Madness of the Jewel King. We got the same information"

*He lets out a sigh.*

"Yea, I said the same thing... honestly, it's a pain. Can't people like that stay dead? But at least we know who to kill"

I'm going to castrate him, hear him scream and watch him bleed in the dirt, then kick him to death and severe all his limbs off. :)

"... I'm still allowed to shoot him, right?"

Shoot him while he's being kicked for maximum pain. Don't give him any fatal shots, let his suffering reeeaaallly extend.

Heyy Sigma! I don't know how much information you got, but I got some too.

Might be helpful-

~ @kriscord-server

"Still working on it, but I got some information on who's probably Karma's old boss. What did you get?"

I've got information on his old boss too!

It was some dude named Ace… he had an ability…? It seemed pretty suited for enslavement. I'm sorry, I can't remember what it was called.

He's… supposed to be dead, but I think he came back somehow. It's Yokohoma, the dead don't stay dead.

I think it's a good chance that he was the one that kidnapped Karma.

"Madness of the Jewel King. We got the same information"

*He lets out a sigh.*

"Yea, I said the same thing... honestly, it's a pain. Can't people like that stay dead? But at least we know who to kill"

I'm going to castrate him, hear him scream and watch him bleed in the dirt, then kick him to death and severe all his limbs off. :)

Hey, I heard a few nasty rumors you were in the mafia... Is that true?

…Uhm…

I just… want you to know erm… I made a lot of mistakes.

Sweet baby boy... The mafia? Was that the bet option you had?

Daadu…

Mama had just killed me. I came back, I had no idea how or why, and I just… got on the first train out of Germany.

I… I ended up in Sweden, and I was homeless, with only the clothes I arrived in...

...

A Swedish Mafia executive took me in. A-and…

Shh, if you don't want to tell me about it, you don't have to, okay? I just wanted to know if it ha been true,

*He just takes a deep breath*

I just... made a lot of mistakes before coming here Daadu. Wait, what am I on about, I made mistakes after coming here too.

It's just… God, everything just went to hell after she killed me.

I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you from her,

Daadu, it wasn't your fault. Your health was in decline, you couldn't leave India.

Please don't blame yourself for what she did.

It was my fault that I ended up in the mafia anyways…

You did what you had to do, your here now, that's all that matters

*He hugs Indra as tight as he could*

I'm really sorry Daadu…

You okay kris.. Don't Apologize to me, I don't need an apology

Kris I've been trying to find- Who the fuck is this?!

SHIT XORAN-?!

Xoran? *confused grandfather look*

Uhmmm-

Kris who is this?!

Who summoned this shadow-ass looking idiot... God forbid I have a damn conversation with my grandson without weird shit happening

Daadu you swear?! I mean of course you do I've just never heard you swear before-

"Shadow ass-" LISTEN HERE YOU OLD BITCH-

XORAN THAT'S MY GRANDFATHER YOU'RE TALKING TO-

Kris, sweetie, I'll handle my own fights,

YOUR THE ONE WHO JUST TELEPORTED YOUR SHADOW ASS HERE

I DIDN'T TELEPORT I'M PERMANENTLY BONDED TO KRIS SO I'M FOREVER HERE HAH I JUST HUMILATED YOU!

YMY PRECIOUS GRAND BABY HAS TO DEAL WITH YOUR DEMONIC ASS 24/7?

*He punches xoran*

(Xoran -100 HP)

*CRITICAL DAMAGE*

Daadu did you just punch Xoran.

Mhm, now, after I take care of this creepo, I'll make us some tea,

He'll go away, right Xoran?

Ufff… is everyone in your family psychos?? Fine fine, I'll go-

Well! Looks like I'll have less cleaning that I thought I might have had for a second then!

*Xoran just melts back into Kris's shadow*

Let's just go have some tea and biscuits-

That sounds great,

I'll go wash my hands!! Be right back-

*he walks out to the kitchen and gets the tea an everything ready*

*He comes back, with some biscuits too*

*he sets teacups on the little saucers and gets out a few small plates for the biscuits*

*He opens the Parle-G packet and the Bourbons packet*

Hey, I heard a few nasty rumors you were in the mafia... Is that true?

…Uhm…

I just… want you to know erm… I made a lot of mistakes.

Sweet baby boy... The mafia? Was that the bet option you had?

Daadu…

Mama had just killed me. I came back, I had no idea how or why, and I just… got on the first train out of Germany.

I… I ended up in Sweden, and I was homeless, with only the clothes I arrived in...

...

A Swedish Mafia executive took me in. A-and…

Shh, if you don't want to tell me about it, you don't have to, okay? I just wanted to know if it ha been true,

*He just takes a deep breath*

I just... made a lot of mistakes before coming here Daadu. Wait, what am I on about, I made mistakes after coming here too.

It's just… God, everything just went to hell after she killed me.

I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you from her,

Daadu, it wasn't your fault. Your health was in decline, you couldn't leave India.

Please don't blame yourself for what she did.

It was my fault that I ended up in the mafia anyways…

You did what you had to do, your here now, that's all that matters

*He hugs Indra as tight as he could*

I'm really sorry Daadu…

You okay kris.. Don't Apologize to me, I don't need an apology

Kris I've been trying to find- Who the fuck is this?!

SHIT XORAN-?!

Xoran? *confused grandfather look*

Uhmmm-

Kris who is this?!

Who summoned this shadow-ass looking idiot... God forbid I have a damn conversation with my grandson without weird shit happening

Daadu you swear?! I mean of course you do I've just never heard you swear before-

"Shadow ass-" LISTEN HERE YOU OLD BITCH-

XORAN THAT'S MY GRANDFATHER YOU'RE TALKING TO-

Kris, sweetie, I'll handle my own fights,

YOUR THE ONE WHO JUST TELEPORTED YOUR SHADOW ASS HERE

I DIDN'T TELEPORT I'M PERMANENTLY BONDED TO KRIS SO I'M FOREVER HERE HAH I JUST HUMILATED YOU!

YMY PRECIOUS GRAND BABY HAS TO DEAL WITH YOUR DEMONIC ASS 24/7?

*He punches xoran*

(Xoran -100 HP)

*CRITICAL DAMAGE*

Daadu did you just punch Xoran.

Mhm, now, after I take care of this creepo, I'll make us some tea,

He'll go away, right Xoran?

Ufff… is everyone in your family psychos?? Fine fine, I'll go-

Well! Looks like I'll have less cleaning that I thought I might have had for a second then!

*Xoran just melts back into Kris's shadow*

Let's just go have some tea and biscuits-

That sounds great,

I'll go wash my hands!! Be right back-

*he walks out to the kitchen and gets the tea an everything ready*

*He comes back, with some biscuits too*

Hey, I heard a few nasty rumors you were in the mafia... Is that true?

…Uhm…

I just… want you to know erm… I made a lot of mistakes.

Sweet baby boy... The mafia? Was that the bet option you had?

Daadu…

Mama had just killed me. I came back, I had no idea how or why, and I just… got on the first train out of Germany.

I… I ended up in Sweden, and I was homeless, with only the clothes I arrived in...

...

A Swedish Mafia executive took me in. A-and…

Shh, if you don't want to tell me about it, you don't have to, okay? I just wanted to know if it ha been true,

*He just takes a deep breath*

I just... made a lot of mistakes before coming here Daadu. Wait, what am I on about, I made mistakes after coming here too.

It's just… God, everything just went to hell after she killed me.

I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you from her,

Daadu, it wasn't your fault. Your health was in decline, you couldn't leave India.

Please don't blame yourself for what she did.

It was my fault that I ended up in the mafia anyways…

You did what you had to do, your here now, that's all that matters

*He hugs Indra as tight as he could*

I'm really sorry Daadu…

You okay kris.. Don't Apologize to me, I don't need an apology

Kris I've been trying to find- Who the fuck is this?!

SHIT XORAN-?!

Xoran? *confused grandfather look*

Uhmmm-

Kris who is this?!

Who summoned this shadow-ass looking idiot... God forbid I have a damn conversation with my grandson without weird shit happening

Daadu you swear?! I mean of course you do I've just never heard you swear before-

"Shadow ass-" LISTEN HERE YOU OLD BITCH-

XORAN THAT'S MY GRANDFATHER YOU'RE TALKING TO-

Kris, sweetie, I'll handle my own fights,

YOUR THE ONE WHO JUST TELEPORTED YOUR SHADOW ASS HERE

I DIDN'T TELEPORT I'M PERMANENTLY BONDED TO KRIS SO I'M FOREVER HERE HAH I JUST HUMILATED YOU!

YMY PRECIOUS GRAND BABY HAS TO DEAL WITH YOUR DEMONIC ASS 24/7?

*He punches xoran*

(Xoran -100 HP)

*CRITICAL DAMAGE*

Daadu did you just punch Xoran.

Mhm, now, after I take care of this creepo, I'll make us some tea,

He'll go away, right Xoran?

Ufff… is everyone in your family psychos?? Fine fine, I'll go-

Well! Looks like I'll have less cleaning that I thought I might have had for a second then!

*Xoran just melts back into Kris's shadow*

Let's just go have some tea and biscuits-

That sounds great,