To Know Me Is To Ask Me.

"Insert random information no one cares about"

[drunp-archive-deactivated201711]

[ticosorgana]

[cakepursuedbyabear]

 The fact that the evidence in the impeachment trial needs trigger warnings is horrifying. The fact that the impeachment managers are providing them is beautiful.

[thebootydiaries]

me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore

[catchymemes]

[just-shower-thoughts]

The literal job of a bullet is to be fired

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

[thebootydiaries]

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”

[homiedepot]

You really don’t have to forgive anyone for anything. Stay mad about shit that makes you mad.

[turnipfritters]

- Courtney Cox, on her hair stylist for Scream 3

[homiedepot]

[badjokesbyjeff]

For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.

Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.

[gothicprep]

that boy you just called a krusty krab? his name is patrick

[awisa-moved]

babygirl you would not believe the amount of tabs i have open

[lilsugarbush]

[krusty-cakes]

I’m watching my husband be psychologically abused by his ex(?) every day and there isn’t a damn fucking thing I can do.

My husband won’t listen to me that it’s happening, he refuses to see it for himself. He is still in love with the asshole and hoping to get back together (again). Two breakups aren’t enough?

I don’t know how much longer I can watch this happen....

[microtear-deactivated20181213]

Therapist: i want you to say something positive about urself

Me: i have eyes

[berrystumpytail]

Me: I’m sorry

Someone: What are you sorry for?

Me:

[just-shower-thoughts]

The average person is more generous than billionaires when you calculate generosity as a proportion of net worth

[sunflower-cane]

“If you’re not calling out your bigoted family you’re part of the problem” doesn’t apply to those who will literally be at risk of violence and abuse if they confront their family

We need to reassure those who physically can’t call their family out without dangerous consequences that they shouldn’t feel guilty for keeping themselves safe

[traumasurvivors]

This is important. Absolutely call out people when you can safely do so. You are not a bad person for keeping yourself safe from harm.