pompous crotch goblin

🌚 19, Theatre Major, I like Stickers 🌝

[iskwekan]

customer service worker: *apologizes for something very minor and inconsequential*

me, in tears: you’ve done nothing wrong, ever, in your life

[blondesquats-deactivated2020060]

If you get to sleep beside the person you love every night you are one lucky fuck

[selfcheckouts]

when prepubescent kids make fun of your acne

[localstarboy]

this is one of the funniest things i have ever seen

[amthsts-remade-deactivated20191]

follow me for more great posts other people made

[imots]

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

I had sex in a graveyard and was walking around nude cause it was like 80 degrees and I was all sweaty and it was like midnight or whatever. So this car rolls up out of nowhere and I’m stark fucken naked. I’m also white as fuck. I glow in the dark. I make eye contact with the dude driving. I don’t make a move to cover up or anything because idgaf about being naked. I see his eyes widen….

With fear.

He fucken books it out of there like a bat out of hell.

And that’s the story about how I became a ghost sighting in a small town in New England.

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Also. That was how I had sex the first time.

[pocket-monica]

[greelin]

you know that part in lilo & stitch where nani is complaining about stitch and she walks into the kitchen and stitch is just. there. raiding the fridge. and they look at each other. then stitch just shuts the fridge door and leaves. that’s what having roommates is like. sometimes you’re nani. most of the time you’re stitch

[shittyidea]

Sign all your checks beforehand so that you don’t have to waste time later

[ayliffe]

this “me, an intellectual” meme is the funniest thing

[princessleialesbian-deactivated]

You : this me, an intellectual meme is the funniest thing Me, an intellectual: indeed, the mockery of elitist cultural norms in academia and the arts by transcription into universally recognized cultural humour releases many endorphins.

[tastefullyoffensive]

Hello darkness, my old friend… (via heIdbyhes)

[amerlcanapparel-deactivated2020]

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

[straighthater]

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

[timelordpillbug]

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

[hikingnerd]

When Russia sends you nudes

[dr-thackery]

[dismantlerepaired]

[ilovepretzelrods]

[thegingerbalrog]

[onwardwall]

[yunghomo]

i want the kind of relationship that we can be shamelessly weird, and be shamelessly ourselves. i want the type of relationship that eye contact is meant with desire. i want the, “i gave her my sweatshirt and told her how she looked so much more beautiful in it and now she just has to have it,” i want our faces to be absolutely full of food, stuff dripping down the corner of our lips, and just laughing because that’s who we are together. i want the midnight kisses and the aimless fingertip-drawn circles onto her skin. i want the purposeful “i love you’s,” and the desperate “i need you’s.” I also want the arguments. the jealousy. the parts that are messy, but promise that two souls can overcome the hardships and come back together as one. i want that. i want love, not just the idea of it.

[benepla-deactivated20180521]

1918 friends episode

Phoebe and Monica get arrested at a suffragette rally. Rachel goes on a date with H.P. Lovecraft and is not familiar with his work. Ross dies of influenza. Joey and Chandler make love in a World War I foxhole.

[watershalation-deactivated20191]

Ross dies of influenza

[debonair-bear-deactivated201804]

Why would Ross die of influenza? He’s the only one in the group who has any grasp of science and has a PhD. He’s incredibly smart and would be the last one to die because he would know how to take care of himself and actually have knowledge about diseases.

[benepla-deactivated20180521]

im screaming the plague isn’t gonna bypass you if you have a degree in paleontology

[zecurlyone]

Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?

[zudilio]

I am so scared right now what the fuck does this terrifying comment have to do with anything else that’s been discussed on the post at all

[honeyproducer-blog]

just answer the question

[flightcub]

it’s a line from futurama spoken by lrr, ruler of omicron persei 8

[tinas-belcher]

everyone: damn, it sucks that summer is ending

me: 

[evacuate]