fact: the bayonet is just a strapon for a gun
real talk, everytime I see this I think it saysĀ ābayonettaās strapon is just a gunā and Iām likeĀ fuck dude it sure is
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
cherry valley forever

#extradirty

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occasionally subtle
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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we're not kids anymore.

Love Begins
trying on a metaphor
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@kurika
fact: the bayonet is just a strapon for a gun
real talk, everytime I see this I think it saysĀ ābayonettaās strapon is just a gunā and Iām likeĀ fuck dude it sure is
The Fair Folk: āI canāt believe this. Twenty years Iāve cleaned your house and you DARE to try to REPAY me with GIFTS. This is such an insult. Fuck you, you insolent humans. Iām leaving here and never returning because you have insulted me so deeply.ā
Also the Fair Folk: āRemember that one time you pulled a thorn out of a catās foot? That was me. To show my gratitude, here is a house made of solid gold, a life-debt, my daughterās hand in marriage, and a promise that all your children will be gorgeous and successful at all that they do. I can also throw in a blow job if you want. I hope this is enough. I donāt want to seem ungrateful.ā
ship are you making a callout post for faeries
#now to be fair #i have always interpreted this dichotomy as#you can leave them gifts #but not as repayment#because otherwise youāre just paying them to clean your house#and so the insult is to imply that they are servants performing labor for compensation#when in reality they are Magnanimous Bros#totally just cleaning your nasty house out of the goodness of their good good hearts#and if you want to also be a bro #and give them some uncurdled milk and honey#thatās cool because thatās what bros do#but if youāre like āhereās some food for cleaning my houseā itās like #EXCUSE ME#ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT YOUāRE ONLY GIVING ME THIS BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING FOR YOU#WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU#FUCK OFF WITH THAT THEN I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS
This is the quality content I look for on my dash
Showing how the Knight can jump on every square in chess
When you watch someone unlock their phone with a pattern like this and wonder what top secret spy shit theyve been up to.
me putting syrup on my waffles
Me: āHow can I help you today, ma'am?ā Client: āIs e-mail internetā? Me: āI beg your pardon?ā Client: āIs e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?ā Me: āWell yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.ā Client: āOh, dear. I canāt see my e-mail.ā Me: āWell, letās see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?ā Client: āOpen what?ā Me: āYour browser, can you open up your browser?ā Client: āMyā¦myā¦?ā Me: āWhat you click on when you want to browse the internet?ā Client: āI donāt use anything, I just turn my computer on, and itās there.ā Me: āOkay. Do you see the little blue āeā icon on your desktop?ā Client: āYou mean I have to start writing letters again?ā Me: āIāmā¦what, Iām sorry?ā Client: āI donāt have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.ā Me: āNo, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue āeā on your computer screen for me?ā Client: āOh, this is too much work. Iām too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Canāt you send me my e-mail?ā Me: āWeā¦okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?ā Client: āMy what?ā Me: āThe little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - itās most likely near your computer?ā
Client: āLights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: āMy test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what youāre seeing on your computer screen?ā Client: āItās been the same thing for the last two hours.ā Me: āAn error message?ā Client: āNo, just stars. Itās black and moving stars.ā Me: āā¦Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?ā Client: āYes.ā
Me: āMove it for me.ā Client: āMove it?ā Me: āYes. Move it.ā Client: āMy e-mail!ā
This post gave me a fucking ulcer.
You meet people like this at the library. People who have been coming in every day for YEARS to use the computers and monopolize your time with conversations like this, that seem to go out of their way to avoid listening to anything you try to teach them because theyād rather you just do it for them.
So one day, this tiny, frail little woman comes to the desk with a huge folder of papers under her arm. She says āI need to use one of the computers,ā and Iām like āalright, Iāll set you up with a guest account.ā
And then she says āIāll also need you to show me how to use a computer. Iām 97 years old and Iāve never even touched one before, but I need to file my health information and they told me I needed to do it using this,ā and she holds out a little scrap of paper with a url scrawled on it in a shaky hand.
And Iām just mentally like āoh no,ā but I say of course I can help her. So I sit her down and sign her in, and she stops me to ask basically what the mouse is, and I explain it, but Iām just thinking that this is going to take a million years. But I start doing a quick and dirty run down of the parts of the computer, the programs, the desktop, what a url is and what the Internet is, what a search engine is, what websites are, and so on.
She doesnāt interrupt or ask any questions or anything, and then Iām like āokay letās go to this urlā and itās an interactive, multi-page form that she needs to put all that info in her folder into and submit, and Iām just terrified as Iām explaining it that Iām going to spend all day with this woman.
But sheās just like āalright. I think Iāve got it.ā And she must have had a secretary job back in the typewriter days, because she just *whips* through the first page of the form and submits and goes on to the next, and tells me sheāll find me if she needs me.
She came over once to tell me she needed an email address and wanted to know how to set one up - I told her about her options and she picked Gmail and went back to the computer and set it up all by herself, and got her information all filed properly in about an hour and a half ā and sheād NEVER used a computer before in her LIFE.
When she was done, she came over to ask me how to turn it off and I showed her and she thanked me for being so patient, and I told her quite honestly that Iād NEVER seen a novice adult pick up using a computer so fast.
And she said āoh, but itās so simple! And so useful! My grandkids made it sound so difficult, but Iām going to pick up my own computer tomorrow!ā
And I think she must have, because I never saw her in the library again.
Anyway I hope Iām that quick when Iām 97.
^ thank you for sharing this very positive experience because the experience from OP really gave me a headache. it was nice to end on a positive note.. gives hope
This cat sure learned how to throw a great jab!
Train and fight!
WarriorMale
you cannot even try to tell me that king of the hill is not fucking hilarious
Until the 2020 election is over Iām just gonna blanket assume anyĀ āThis viable Democratic candidate is UNSUPPORTABLEā stuff is a saboteur. Like, yāall can criticize and obviously I want the process to be fair and open, but literally even a whiff ofĀ āas bad or worse than Trumpā orĀ ābetter not to voteā and Iām gonna be like Nice Try, Russian Spy.Ā
My favorite thing about how hard the right flips their shit over Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is that, to be honest, sheās not even a radical. Sheād be a center-left moderate in any other country. Most of her policy ideas is shit that had been commonplace in the US for decades and was only rolled back under Reagan. She totally capes for American imperialism abroad. At best, her ideology is āsocialism, y'know, like they have in Sweden.ā
And the right are absolutely filling their diapers because the lady is telling them nothing more disagreeable than āHey, America should try and at least catch up with the rest of the developed west maybe, and also sexual assault is bad.ā
MP1: audio codec and container format
MP2: audio codec and container format
MP3: audio codec and container format
MP4: video codec and container format
MP5: actually, this oneās a gun
hold up, I made this a while ago.
The MP line of product is very diverseĀ
MP11
Keyboard.
MP12
Robot toy.
MP13
Preamp.
MP14
Commuter train.
MP15
ANOTHER FUCKING GUN.
do i really gotta watch all of these before getting into mob psycho 100
Funny how gay people are allowed to love being gay but trans people arenāt allowed to love being trans or else theyāre faking š¤
WHAT I MEAN is both gay and trans people are made to feel like predatory freaks, they both face extreme bigotry from people outside the community that causes terrible feelings of self hatred and internalized prejudice. And yet its normalized for gay people to feel immense pride and happiness over their identity, while the idea āno one would ever want to be transā is deeply ingrained into the trans community. Weāre expected to hate ourselves and weāre expected to wish we werenāt trans. But that mindset is just a symptom of self-loathing and internalized transphobia. We should be able to love ourselves, we should be able to have that same ammount of pride as cos gays, we should be able to say āyeah being trans can suck a lot sometimes! But itās a part of who I am!ā We should be allowed to not want to chang ourselves on such a fundamental level, because itās okay to be trans. If gay people can feel pride in being gay without being called fakers then so should trans people.
Hey I would appreciate if people reblogged this version instead cause yall like to put words in my mouth
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we live in the best possible version of cyberpunk
this is how people born after 1995 hack. when i started hacking or āphreakingā in the late 80s i would get in the zone by snorting homemade amphetamines & listening to harsh noise cassettes while banging out code for 24+ hour periods on my atari. mostly i would write text-to-speech features into the operating system so the computer said swear words when you double-click. i remember when html was invented i got so frustrated because theres so many greater than and less than signs and you have to put them around everything. in early january of 2001 i changed Googleās header to a gif of aĀ pissingĀ orangutan and the resulting publicity turned the website into a household nameĀ
never have a been more devastated to scroll over a url and see its deactivated who are you ma'am
Me, shoplifting, running for my life from the employees: Wow, guess some people donāt understand a simple Linkās Awakening reference.
As someone who often downplays their own illness so that others wonāt worry, Iām constantly straddling the fence between āI donāt need help, Iām strong and independent!ā and āplease, for the love of God, help me!ā
Me, looking over the architecture plans for my evil organizationās base: āHmm. Looks good, but thereās just one one problem. The vents need to be bigger. Make those air ducts easily accessible and large and strong enough for a well-muscled adult man to crawl through them.ā
Henchman: āIsnāt that a security risk?ā
Me: āWhat? No. Also, make sure they form an unbroken connection between all the most important rooms in my lair.ā
Me: āActually, now that I think about it, why not add plush carpeting to the floor of the air ducts? Something soft and cushioning beneath knees. Can you place drinking fountains throughout? Maybe scatter some protein bars.ā
Henchman: āUm⦠boss?
Me: āAnd one of those motivational posters! Is the āhang in thereā kitten too cheesy? Maybe⦠maybe I should leave handwritten notes taped to the walls. Flowers? Is flowers too much? What about tic-tacs?ā
Henchman: āJesus, boss! Do you want me to go ahead and hang up an artistic nude oil painting of you in the air ducts?ā
Me: āOoh. Do you paint?!ā
Excuse meā¦?! Why, I never! Who do you think you are? Donāt be ridiculous. Why would you think such a thing? Disgusting. You have such a filthy, depraved mind. Gross! Ew! Ew ew ew! I built this death trap to KILL my nemesis. Thatās why I included a deactivation switch in easy reach. And sexy, sexy straps⦠so that I can see that theyāre not hiding any secret weapons, of course! Iām all business. Iām all about business. Now, get out of my sight. I need to take a bath with my nicest bath bomb and scented oils.
Henchman:Ā āAre you alright, boss?ā
Me:Ā āHm? Yes, Iām fine. Why do you ask?ā
Henchman:Ā āWell. I mean. Youāve been listening toĀ āGenghis Khanā by Miike Snow on repeat for sixteen loops while watching yourself sexy-cry in front of a mirror.ā
Me:Ā āAnd?ā
Henchman:Ā āSir, have you⦠considered making an online dating profile?ā
Me:Ā āUh, no. What for?ā
Henchman:Ā āI just thought it might make it easier to, you know⦠meet cute guys.ā
Me:Ā āDonāt patronize me, you useless fool. I know how to meet cute guys. Thatās easy! You just take the mayor hostage or build a bomb that looks like your face and they come running.ā
Henchman:Ā āOkay, okay, fair enough, you know how to meet cute guys. But what about getting them to stay? I really think an online dating profile could help with that.ā
Me:Ā āItās not MY fault theyāre always carrying lockpicks!ā
Me:Ā āWell. Itās happened again. He left me⦠he shot me in the leg⦠I just donāt know what he wants anymore!ā
Henchman:Ā āPerhaps you should learn to take a hint, sir.ā
Me:Ā āWhat do you mean?ā
Henchman:Ā āWell, I thinkĀ āa bulletā is a pretty strong hint that heās just not into you.ā
Me:Ā āHow can you be sure of that?! Heās so wily and complicated. He uses bullets all the time - it could mean anything!ā
Henchman:Ā āSir, do you know why I continue working for you after all these years?ā
Me:Ā āā¦.job security?āĀ
Henchman:Ā āNo.ā
Me:Ā āThe atmosphere?ā
Henchman:Ā āGod, no.ā
Me:Ā āThe⦠uh. Retirement benefitsā¦?ā
Henchman:Ā āYouāve got to be kidding meā¦. ugh! Just shut up and remove your pants so I can dig that bullet out.ā
Me: āI canāt believe this! My own right-hand man, betraying me in my hour of triumph! After all this timeāwhy, you back-stabbing snake?! I made you! I brought you to glory! You could have had everything you dreamed of and more⦠why turn on me now?! You viper! You scorpion!ā
Henchman: āāWhyā? Well, my lord, because thereās only one ālove languageā you seem to understand.ā
Me: āHa! I speak all the Romance languages fluently, snake. I am exceptionally well-educated.ā
Henchman: āAnd yet you are a miserable fool. I am tired of this charade. Step away from the doomsday machine and fight me.ā
Me: āBut itās⦠we made this together⦠it was important to usā¦ā
Henchman: āI canāt let you activate it, sir. I have a world to save.ā
Me: āThatās not your job! Thatās his job!ā
Henchman: āHe isnāt here right now. I am. You may be oblivious, but surely youāve noticed that.ā
Me: āAre you⦠are you suggestingā¦ā
Henchman: āCoffee? No. Thatās not your style. Thereās a laser tag arena down the street, I could sneak in some adult beverages, we could see where a little competition take us, and⦠wellā¦ā
Me: āThis is so fast, I⦠I donāt know what to thinkā¦ā
Henchman: āGive yourself time. Sure, you could destroy the world, but if you do that, if you press that button, there wonāt be any more laser tag. No more retro discotheques, either. In the immortal words of ABBA, take a chance on meā¦ā