Intoxicated Insight

[kvan79-blog]

Sitcom Life

Nothing has changed It’s the same suffocating things Everyday fades into the next A usual ending to the repetitivness

I’m waiting to feel significant A sense of meaning or reason Something to believe in Not just be left with emptiness

It’s a long running show Should have been canceled years ago I’m the star of a disaster Waiting for it all to implode

[kvan79-blog]

Distance

I see the way you move.

And I hear voice.

You make me blind.

To anything else, At this point.

I want to be close enough, to time our breathes.

I want to grab you by both your wrist.

I want to kiss you from your tits to your hips.

I want to choke on the infatuation dripping between your lips.

You’re advertising all my best interest,

Without even knowing you’ve made my my mind restless.

I want to be savage and be sexual.

I want to ravage and respect you.

But the, distance between us,

Is overcrowded with bullshit.

The same problems that will always exist.

I can’t expect you to be part of this

You’re a beautiful sin

I never wanted to end.

[kvan79-blog]

1st in Last

I’m asleep in my own life

This shit has to be a dream

This couldn’t honestly

Be actually happening to me

I’m weighed down by emptiness

Suffocated by loneliness

I feel like the fastest car in the slow lane

The only survivor from a derailed train

In a porn, I’d have the biggest dick

And I’d probably blow my load way too quick

I’m the first to hit bottom

So at least I’m still on top

A diamond in the rough?

I Make a perfect example, of a fuck up

I win at losing, in fact I’m an expert,

In this life, I keep on choosing

When it comes to the worst

I always seem to come in first

[kvan79-blog]

Selfishness

I’ve slit the throat of confidence

I’m drowning in my own bullshit

I’ve convinced myself I’m something great

That was just a mistake

I’m a hack, a fool, a target for life to be cruel

Distracted by all the alcohol

Deceived by the taste of pussy

I’ve become my own worst enemy

Decency has become a memory

Values and morals, in this world?

We are bankrupt

I excel at being an example of everything fucked

I just try to make sense of this mess

That I created, in my own best interest

[kvan79-blog]

Breaking News

I take a look around and all I seem to see

Is a million stupid people staring back at Me

This world has gone to shit

It just makes me fucking sick

How much fucking longer can we live like this

Turn on the evening news, this is the life we choose

Murder, rape and greed

It’s all headline shit

There’s kids killing kids

How the fuck can we teach them what the right thing is

We have past the point of no return

Maybe we will never learn

So, now I’m truly convinced

All that’s left is hopelessness

[kvan79-blog]

Masturbation/Meditation

I will always appreciate those few minutes while jerking off.

Unless your drunk.

Then, just like during sex, you can have performance issues. I know I have gone to sleep angry at myself numerous times for not finishing the task at “hand”.

But when everything comes together, It’s the same as that first sip of a cold beer, or when those mushrooms you just took start taking effect, or when you first slide into a nice tight pussy.

All problems, dilemmas, and reality abandon you. I love that sense of bliss, I live for those moments that fool me.

So with my dick in my hand and a drink in the other, a sense of bliss is a target I will always miss.

[kvan79-blog]

It’s the same old shit everyday. You wake up late and rent’s not paid.

It’s so damn hard to get through the day. Without a dime to your name.

So why should I even try, Sometimes I just want to die.

Caught up in a bunch shit, That I created, I must admit.

Although I’ve been down this path, So any times before.

I still always end up, face down on the floor.

So if God does have a plan, And he did extend his hand.

I would have to think twice, Before I take that ride.

Because honestly, he has never been that fucking nice.

Sometimes you just need to follow your heart, do what you like.

And everything might be alright.

[kvan79-blog]

Drunk in Public

Just to keep things on a somewhat positive level, I was reminded tonight of what it is like to be that drunk asshole in public, annoying everyone else who is somewhat sober. I say somewhat sober because everybody is under the influence of something, it’s either something prescribed or they aquire their vices another way. From pharmaceuticals to alcohol and more than likely some weed in between, nobody tolerates this world sober. Tonight after many hours wasted at work, I stopped by the usual gas station to aquired one of my vices, some cigarettes. At this point I only had a couple beers and smoked one joint(more vices). This isn’t enough to get the the little hairs on my balls to stand up. And yes, I kept trimmed and clean down there, not for anyone else but, for myself. I admit I shave my balls more often than I do my face but, I don’t look in the mirror when I jerk off. While I was being robbed of least two minutes of my life tonight, I overheard what the delay was. This insignificant drunk fuck couldn’t understand why the doughnut he had along with his shitty beer was $.89. He was under the impression that they were complimentary. He was obviously confused with the AA meeting he was supposed to be at. They have cookies and coffee also from what I am told.

Although I am not one speak so disparaging about a fellow abuser. I recall one, among many memorable moments in my disappointing life that I was the annoying drunk.This was in my novice years of drinking, I was from from the professional I am now. I can confidently say that I have no drinking problem, and I am honestly quite fucking good at it now . Subway was a usual stop after a respectable night of drinking underage. I did although, have a tendency to test the sandwich artists’ talent. I also always tipped to compensate for my drunken request to construct the perfect Cold Cut Trio. Regrettably, behind me was a gentleman who was only somewhat sober this night. After I stole a few minutes of his life being an annoying drunk, I paid for my work of art and proceeded to the confines of my friends car. At some point during the consumption of this beautifully created piece of edible art, I made the decision to to introduce this guy to my middle finger. Consequently with the window still down, it was easy access for him to not only break my nose by dismantle my sub masterpiece. I remember seeing a colage of black olives, green peppers and lettuce on the dashboard. A few hours later I woke up on the toilet with my pants around my ankles and my phone on the ground next to my feet. I pulled my pants up and looked on the mirror. The two black eyes put all the pieces together of that drunken episode. And in the end I was the annoying drunk asshole.

[kvan79-blog]

The Wrong Fucking Road

So when does everything start to make some sense, or fall into place and give some support for that famous fucking saying that everything happens for a reason. After awhile everything becomes such a blur of drugs, sex and alcohol(not necessarily in that order), but, trying to find a reason for anything not related to those previous three things just mentioned just gets quite fucking arduous at times. Another popular one to explain the constant mishaps in life is “God has a plan.” Whatever or whoever God is, his plan so far is fucking horrible. But, I do like to believe things happen for a reason, and I don’t blame anyone or anything else for my stagnant position in life. My own selfish addictive ways have led me to the point. Life has many different roads to take and at some point I must have taken a wrong turn and got on a long shitty road. And I was probably too fucked up to notice any possible exit or option to turn around. Maybe someday all the mistakes, regrets and dissapointments will add up to some sense of purpose or reason. But, I can’t help to think that the road I’m on is only leading to a dead fucking end.

[kvan79-blog]

Making the Best of Bad Decisions

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I weighed out the options of just spending a sober night at home for a change. Maybe smoke some more weed, jerk off a few more times. I prefer the term “jerk off” as opposed to “jack off” because I don’t feel the need to reference another guys name when I clear mind through my penis. As the night went on the only option that made any sense was to continue my self-destructive routine and go out for a drink. The avalanche of regret buried me pretty quick. Between the music, drinks and girls dressed like expensive escorts, I found myself seated next to a very large and inebriated woman. I was surrounded by beautiful girls and this was the fucking seat I had to pick. I was in the perfect position to except an onslaught of attempts to get me to dance by “backing it up on me”, spilling my drink and crying about her life. I tried to be patient and give my best advice to her fucking train-wreck, life problems, while being inturupted by multiple guys, I don’t know if they where baby daddy’s, parole officers or maybe an upset pimp. But then, there was finally a beautiful interruption in this disaster. Finally, it seemed I picked the right seat. A beautiful girl appeared and diverted Jabba the Slut’s attention from me. Without her assistance and great breasts, (I would typically say tits but, she was cool, so I will show some respect) this night would have continued to turn into a tragic disappointment. After a brief introduction and a short conversation with her, I saw my opportunity to leave this possible disaster of a night on a high note. Besides, I know she had better things to do than participate in this mess. I had to leave before I got pulled back into the Sarlacc Pitt of Depression by the Broken House Wife of Tampa. I said good bye to the beautiful distraction and went home under the druken assumption tonight was a success. The evening started out to be a thunderstorm of disaster, edging on regret. But an awesome bolt of lightning interrupted those deafening claps of thunder caused by thighs and ass cheeks. And after all this I will probably still have enough time to smoke some weed and jerk off.

[kvan79-blog]

365 Days a Year

Tuesday, September 2, 2015

I have recently come to the conclusion that the majority of people believe New Years Eve signifies the point of new beginnings. Amidst the drunken toast, inebriated apologies, and empty promises, false hopes and expectations are manifested. It’s a time of repenting, seeking redemption, asking if, not begging for a starting over point.

It’s just another day of the fucking week for me. And throughout the course of another year, whenever those “resolutions” are brought up and challenged, the explantation for not following through will typically be blamed on being drunk that night.

My “New Year’s” revolves around my fucking birthday, my own 365 fucking days of the year, which are consistently spent drunk. My annoyance to life doesn’t revolve around a holiday synonymous with getting shit-faced and making false promises. I do that everyday of the week all year long to myself.

[kvan79-blog]

You’re Welcome

I like to believe everything happens for a reason. I’m just not so sure if it’s always for a good reason. I also hear a lot of people believing that God has a plan for everyone. So I figure if everything is already planned out for me, why should I put any fucking effort into the annoying thing called life? Was it God’s plan to watch me fuck up over and over again? I don’t see how that is going to work, because if there is a lesson I should be learning, chances are I’m to drunk to realize it or remember it.  Maybe I’m just here to get drunk and piss people off, that seems to be the only thing I’m good at.  Besides, me being such as asshole makes others seem like such good people. So maybe by being this drunk asshole it helps what little good there is still out there stand out a bit more, so people can see it.  So, fuck you and your welcome.

[kvan79-blog]

Expectations

I can honestly say I am refered to as an asshole or a dickhead, more than I am my own name.  Maybe this is true, or maybe I just happen to say what a lot of you assholes are thinking. In that case, I guess I’m just being honest.  So basically,  go fuck yourselves. Numerous stupid people said I’m negative, I would like to think I’m just being realalistic.

[kvan79-blog]

Hello and Fuck You

Fuck you and fuck me. Now that’s been said, we are even. I can say I  don’t like myself or anyone else. Of course I met some interesting people and some great friends while I’ve participated in this shit-show called life. Maybe that’s what keeps me drinking more. With every drink and every shot, things seem a little bit better. Instead of waking up sober and bored, ready to take part in another repetitive day, I wake up still drunk and laughing about the night before. I like to think of a hangover more like a free buzz, it’s a nice way to start the day. So basically, have a drink, a shot, or more, and say, “fuck it” and try and get a blowjob.

[kvan79-blog]

Going Nowhere

Another night of a combination of jager, beer and various drugs.  It’s good nights like this that remind me of why I have nothing. But then again, what would I have if I didn’t do any of this? Maybe money, possessions, food in the fridge, or the possibility of some type of goal. While I’m well aware I’m the only one to blame for my current position in life, I still keep running myself into the ground. I wonder how long I can keep this up. Sooner or later, responsibility and reality will set in and I don’t know what I will do. But I hope it all works out.

[kvan79-blog]

The Road of Life

I’ve always tried to believe everything happens for a reason and everything will always work out for the best, but lately that thought has been becoming more questionable after every day. With the increasing drinking habit, the chronic pot-smoking and lack of interest in anything, I wonder if I’ve been headed down the wrong road the past few years. When I’m stoned driving on the interstate and I miss my exit, I know there’s a u-turn or another exit at some point. But while I travel down this seemingly dead end road of life, I hope there is an exit along the way so I can turn around.

[kvan79-blog]

Safe Driving and Unsafe Sex

I have led a life of nothing but drunkenness. Every opportunity I’ve had has been pissed away, jobs have been jepordized, relationships have been ruined, but once in awhile, sometimes being drunk works out. Some people say I have a drinking problem, but in all actuality, I have no problem drinking. In fact, I’m pretty fucking good at it.  

Tonight, I go to the grocery store to buy some frozen fucking pizzas, because I spent all my money on excessive shots of Jager. I gathered up my pizzas and then realized that the little amount of money I have was still in my car. By the time I got to my car to retrieve my few dollars, I forgot about the pizzas. I then got in, put the keys in the ignition, and put that piece of shit in reverse. Of course, with my good luck, as I pulled out, an SUV backs up into me. I should have applied the same rules I do for pussy and not pulled out.