It wasn't supposed to end this way, not with you huddled in a corner of his apartment, completely silent, staring blankly into space with your head down.
Even after he'd removed the chains and let you walk beyond the bedroom into the other rooms, that monotonous expression remained etched on your cute face.
But what choice did he have? He couldn't simply trust that letting you out for a brief moment wouldn't result in the police outside his house (sincerely, being locked up wasn't annoying, but being away from you was.)
"A-Angel... I downloaded a whole anime just for you! I think you'll like it, it's a shoujo with comedy, just the way you like it!"
He even tried the sweet, serene voice of "Ren" but the result was obvious: no reaction. Well, it made sense; that act wouldn't sit right with you again, not when you knew who he was now. Even though he had moved the red room to a different location (no longer in his apartment), you still looked at him as if he were something repulsive, disgusting, and monstrous.
Not that he judged you for it, on the contrary, he even agreed.
"C'mon, angel... can't you even look at me?" His natural voice sounded thick and deep, almost drugged with despair, as he sat crouching in front of you, waiting as always... for an answer.
Any answer.
"Not even for a second? Please..." No gaze reached him, no gesture with your hand, no words. Nothing.
He missed the first months when you were kidnapped: you screamed until his eardrums hurt, you stabbed him with a kitchen knife, you threw a glass jar at his face - leaving a scar on his left eye, you even broke all his furniture.
He preferred when you explicitly showed how much you despise and hated him to this infernal silence.
More than this almost non-existence of yours.
"Do you hate me that much? If you do... how about hitting me again, hm? I can take it, I promise I won't cry, unless you want me to."
In the end, even he knew how selfish he was being. Even knowing that your happiness would surely be far from this place, far from a creature like him... he doesn't have the courage to do it. To free you from this, from his hands.
He doesn't have the courage to know what it's like to live without you. He can't live a life where your presence isn't glued to his.
And perhaps, that selfishness was the only human thing about him.
Warnings: Romanticization of toxic relationships, yandere tendencies, stalking
Details: instead of being able to sleep, you preferred to read a message from someone from your past who seems more present than ever.
Text messages + fic
It's 2:34 in the morning, sleep simply didn't choose this night to happen. You've tossed and turned in bed countless times, hoping that somehow you could close your eyes and forget for a moment that you exist, after all, later you have to go to work... and one of the worst things is to go without having rested properly.
Ping
Then, suddenly a notification sound pulls your dizzy gaze away from the ceiling to your phone. Weird, it is always on silent mode...Did you end up putting it in normal mode and forget? when?
With your phone in hands, you start to feel even more strange. It was a message notification - that made no sense. You had definitely disabled notifications in this app a long time ago.
...
An unknown number with a heart on profile, hm
You felt a slight strangeness, a thick feeling in your stomach and a chill in your back. As if there was something familiar in a simple message.
Angel. Of course it was your shitty ex, Who else would call you by such a cute nickname that hid insanity?
You grimaced in irritation, but your fingers betrayed your rational feelings by trembling slightly.
How long has it been since you saw or heard from him? Not that long at least, but a considerable amount of time. It was even suspicious, [Redacted] wasn't the type to allow himself to live unoticeable for too long, not from you.
He always wants to be noticed by your eyes, you know that well.
Your fingers stopped at the block option, a headache made you stop for a bit. The right thing to do would be to end it here, closing the doors for indifference. After all, who talks to their ex? If he still thought there was a chance to talk, you can just block him.
...
But the truth is, you didn't want to do that, did you? You wanted to know where he'd been, what he'd been doing and how he is now.
Despite everything, something inside you was made of iron, the kind that no matter the strength and weight, the magnet that Redacted was always drew you to him.
Ping
another message, you will read, won't you?
Of course he knew, obviously the blue eyes must have noticed the movement in your apartment or in the coffee shop you walked to frequently talking to the barista.
There was the answer to your previous question. Yes, his gait was still behind yours.
You still remember that day well. The strong smell of blood that choked you more than insect poison. Your body was frozen watching him naturally beat someone's head even when that person was clearly unconscious.
The blue eyes that reminded you of a summer morning became so cold that for a moment it looked like the mysterious ocean at night.
Maybe yes, you should just block him again.
At least this time he didn't try to hide his true thoughts.
There again was what really pissed you off. He just couldn't understand that hurting a person was wrong in any essence. Yes, You were grateful that he helped you get out of a complicated situation at that moment, but...
the way he acted, the way he didn't care about the blood around, about the deep cuts and smiled gently as he tried to lift you off the ground... as if everything was normal.
as if everything was okay because in the end it was done for you. It was common, because it's about you. Everything to protect you, even in the most brutal way possible.
You sighed. What was the reason you allowed yourself to actually try to talk to him?
Just block him already.
And the worst part is that you couldn't even deny it. Despite the meaningless adoration, deep in his eyes there was a genuine love that had become dark with twisted roots.
You bit your lip. What was the point, what was meaningful about being Ren again? Having a smile sewn onto his face, acting like a doll programmed to tell you what you want to hear.
What was good about that?
What was good about loving someone who would never be who they really are because they were desperate to be by your side? But well, the funny thing is that he would only act like that in front of you, as he before.
What to expect from a functional psychopath?
You felt something falling from your cheeks, perhaps the lack of eye drops caused your eyes to hydrate on their own. Throwing your phone aside, you just wrapped yourself in sheets that would never warm your cold body.
The truth is that despite everything... you didn't want him to leave you alone.
But you don't need to worry about that. Not at all, not when he was so close that his burned hands stroked your hair tenderly as you fell asleep.
There's no need to cry, he was here and he would never leave.
He would come back, he would always come back. Always to you and for you. Only.
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