how long has it been and I'm still thinking about how much implication comes with the choices scaramouche makes in inversion of genesis
when he reincarnated and removed his identity from ever existing, what he essentially did was create a new timeline where he was created, but nobody knows how, and then lived a life in which he could not possibly effect the world or the people in it.
because erasing his identity won't change the past, it just alters who caused events to happen. Everything in tatarasuna played out the same way. in the same vein, he cannot change the past, he now lives an existence where his life cannot do anything. he can't be responsible for his old actions, but he can't create new ones either - thereby existing as a kind of void. This is why his anemo abilities take the aesthetic and power of nothingness and why his character title is 'Eons Adrift'.
But he still existed in the world for the same amount of time. over 400 years, but instead of integrating with humanity, seeing acts of betrayal, experiencing the effects of poison from godly detritus, instead of joining the fatui and exploring the abyss and rising in its ranks, instead of intentionally ruining the hereditary bladesmiths of inazuma, he couldn't do anything. for 400 years. by his own design he could not influence a single person or event in the world. That's why he says stuff like this
He actually perceives that his life is rootless, that he can't attach to anything, through actions of his own that exist outside of space and time. He understands his heartless nature, not as a design flaw by an unimpressed parent, but as something inherent that prevents him from gaining any traction within the slipstream of events and time.
This is why he agrees to take his previous self's memories back - because this kind of existence, with nothing to show for himself, no family or enemies, this enforced nothingness is worse.
When he understands he once was able to affect the world, to have some sort of impact, even when that resulted in murder and deceit, he wants to shoulder those crimes again rather than be someone who could never live at all.
Our Wanderer lived an entirely different alternate life. 400 years. Just moving along, briefly meeting people, doing favours, and leaving. Physically unable, by the rules of the universe, to ever leave a lasting impression on anything or anyone. As Scaramouche he had little agency, being controlled and deceived almost from birth, and as Wanderer he has none whatsoever via his own misguided attempt to erase everything he'd ever done.
And he admits quite readily that he knows this. He's aware that he just doesn't seem to fit into the world, he can't integrate anywhere. And although he did that to himself? It must have been agonising.
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