I have so much hurt inside of me and I don’t know where to put it. How do I put it down. It’s so heavy.

#extradirty
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@l3t-me-sl3ep
I have so much hurt inside of me and I don’t know where to put it. How do I put it down. It’s so heavy.
I wake up as the day nears the end
I go to sleep when the sun peaks through the clouds
I eat when I’m not hungry
I starve when my stomach growls
Vodka takes water’s place
Showers seem pointless
Changing clothes becomes unnecessary
My once soft curls are brittle and knotted and frail
Clumps of hair litter my sheets
Bleeding gums vandalise my once white teeth
Flavoured air replaces replaces oxygen
Tears have become permanent residents, staining my cheeks, inflaming the skin beneath
The past feels like a fever dream
It feels impossible that her and I were once the same person
Is this love?
How can such a pretty word unleash something so ugly and cruel
My mind is numb
Ignorant to the world around me
My body encased in a duvet
Curled upon an air mattress with an unpatched hole
The irony
My eyes glued to a screen
A distraction
A different world than the one I’m ignoring
Commitments and promises and stress piling around me burying me under this refuge of comfort and 4 walls
Why return to reality
What good will it do me
I lie here
And I can’t get up
Even if I wanted to.
what they dont tell you about growing up as a very lonely little girl is that you grow up and still a part of you remains that very lonely little girl
Loneliness has a tendency of creeping back in
To the point where you stop living.
i dont know what its like to not be in pain anymore
Anyone else have that thing where you get stressed out when someone else is in a bad mood because now it's your responsibility to make them feel better, but if you're in a bad mood and someone tries to cheer you up you get stressed out because now it's your responsibility to pretend that it's helping to make them feel better.
Oh so this is probably a trauma thing too. Bitches have one terrible childhood and then make it their whole personality. I'm bitches.
Stockholm syndrome
My minds the captor
my soul the captured
The cruel thoughts tear apart the once full self
Nights are never ending
Over thinking, over analysing details and expressions and tones
Messages are read and read and read again
Finding non existent reasons indicating hatred
Isolation mixed with codependency
Surrounding oneself with anyone but herself
Crawling back into that hole
It’s cold but it’s safe
It’s lonely but it’s always going to be there
It’s painful but it’s consistent
Hurt yourself before anyone else can
I would like to escape
But I would also like to stay
Because who is anyone without it
It will always be there
Pulling me back in
Sabotaging any ounce of joy
Am I unworthy
or is it just not worth it
Forced with reality
No fantasy’s welcome
Delusion is a poison
Feeding and manifesting the impossible
Wake myself up from the dream
Slap me in the face with honesty
Don’t allow me to venture off
I will only be hurt
Why let someone else do what I can do so well
I crave the emptiness
The numbness
The coldness
I hate my depression
But I fear I have grown addicted.
1hr ago me was wrong btw
The sexual tension between me and ruining my own life
I’m so mentally exhausted and drained
reblog if your name isn't Amanda.
2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!
We’ll find you Amanda.
this has almost 11 million notes what is this
I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site
Sometimes I just get really fuc*king sad
I didn’t deserve it. So I ruined it. I have to accept that.
Why would he leave. Why hasn’t he come back. What’s wrong with me.