[trve-grimdark]

[maidthings]

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

[dragon-in-a-fez]

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

[oswednesday]

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

[kulluto]

literally one of my favorite tweets ever

[labyrinthofpassion]

Ryan in todays episode saying more people should cheat on each other

😭

[agentpan]

thanks tumblr, maybe i will try ringworm if you dont have anything else

[clownboybebop]

Those sick fucks at Ocean Spray will mix anything with a cranberry

[pissvortex]

[motherfucker-unlimited]

Went on a reblog spree and woke up in a tub of ice with my posting gland missing

[junglejim4322]

Remember when I was going crazy 5 minutes ago [chuckle of fond remembrance] amazing how time changes people

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

[kristina100000]

how it feels to be slightly tipsy while someone explains the rules of a board game that takes months to understand

[tsunflowers]

they should have leftist infighting as an event at the next olympics

[loth-caatgirl]

no the fuck they shouldn't and it's liberals like you that are tearing us apart

[bunniope]

i skink therefore i scram...!

[bunniope]