5 Most Common Mistakes with Dialogue
As an editor, I’ve been thinking about how I need to do a post on some of the most common mistakes I see in dialogue. Many are a matter of fine-tuning, moving from a great writer, to a professional one.
Dialogue Tags Don’t Match the Dialogue
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not wholly against alternative dialogue tags (“groaned,” “cried,” “yelled,” “lamented,” etc.), and I think they can be particularly effective when the dialogue and the context of the story can’t portray the way that it’s said. For example:
“That’s great,” Melody groaned
But sometimes the dialogue tag honestly doesn’t fit the way it’s said. It’s hard to give an example of this in a blog post, because often whether or not the tag fits the dialogue depends on the context of the story. But look at this:
“Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,” Milo whined
The direct dialogue doesn’t sound like whining. The content doesn’t sound like something to whine about, and the structure doesn’t sound like whining. But that is the chosen dialogue tag. It doesn’t fit.
“Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,” Milo said matter-of-factly.
But sometimes you get weird combos like this:
“Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,” Milo whined matter-of-factly.
I don’t know about you, but “whined matter-of-factly” sounds like something that’s pretty difficult to pull off.
Here are some more examples:
“I need to lose weight,” Taz wondered.
“Can I check into my hotel room now?” Kelly raged.
“Want to pick up the groceries?” Katie exclaimed.
Sure, grammatically, they are fine, but other than very rare occasions, the tags aren’t appropriate for the direct dialogue. Make sure what you write matches.
Modifiers Don’t Match the Dialogue
Some people really love using modifying phrases (participial phrases) with their dialogue tags. Again, I’m not against this, but like anything, it can be overused, and more than that, it needs to make sense. A modifying phrase after a dialogue tag is adding information to the dialogue tag. It works as an adjective. Here is a fine example.
“Do you ever sunburn?” Manny asked, squeezing sunscreen into his palm
“Squeezing sunscreen into his palm” is a modifying phrase–it adds information to “Manny asked.” Because it functions similar to an adjective, it’s also saying that Manny squeezed the sunscreen into his palm at the same time he asked “Do you ever sunburn.” Not after. The same time.
Here is a problem example:
“Grab the gun!” I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
You cannot yell and hold your breath at the same time. So this is a problem. But you can easily fix it:
“Grab the gun!” I yelled, then held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
“Grab the gun!” I yelled. I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
“Grab the gun!” I yelled, and I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
“Grab the gun!” I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
Other times, the participial phrase doesn’t match because it doesn’t fit with the dialogue (usually it doesn’t logically match in length).
“Yes,” she said, putting her dress, socks, and pajamas in a suitcase and then the luggage on the floor.
You can’t tell me she put her dress, socks, AND pajamas in a suitcase AND then put the luggage on the floor the same time she said “Yes.” Unless she’s Quicksilver from X-Men, it’s not possible to do all those things during a one-syllable word.
You can fix it like this:
“Yes,” she said, putting her dress in the suitcase. She added her socks and pajamas, and then placed the luggage on the floor.
Some writers say you should try to leave out participial phrases like this altogether, since cognitively it is difficult for the reader to imagine both things happening at once. I’m personally okay with it and don’t think it’s a big deal. They just need to make sense.
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