Welcome to Valhalla

Valerie, 25 she/her. Well, here we are.

[afeelgoodblog]

The little things we take for granted!

[lornasallydane]

Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

[violetallnight]

Lilah Fear and Lewis Gibson skating as ice skates

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[swarnpert]

*right clicks on you*

[swarnpert]

*views your properties*

[gummiehell]

[dajo42]

literally what the fuck do you mean its still january. how is that remotely possible. its been six months minimum

[podcastwizard]

[charlesoberonn]

Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!

[charlesoberonn]

[charlesoberonn]

[asphor]

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

[charlesoberonn]

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

[asphor]

Yeah that checks out.

What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.

Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.

[charlesoberonn]

While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.

Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.

Painter: Aw...

Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔

[charlesoberonn]

Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?

Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.

Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.

Candysseia: And where did he come from?

Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?

Pericles: *hands him papyrus*

Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!

[charlesoberonn]

To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.

Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).

[hungry-hobbits]

go my brick 🫳︵🧱

[greelin]

[COVERED IN BLOOD, EYES LARGE] i have been working. On my resume

[greelin]

[HANDS VISIBLY SHAKING, BLOOD CAKED UNDER NAILS] there is. A cover letter

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

did laundry and showered today you knowwwww i'm hitting that clean sheets clean jammies clean me trifecta tonight

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

bro im bedcelled. im comfypilled. im literally cozymaxxing.

[probablysomethingtm]

​honkpilled shoomaxxer

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

straight up "snorkin' it". and by "it" haha, well. let's just say. mimimi

[venom-princess-deactivated20250]

[uvb76fan]

This is literally how you actually improve ADHD symptoms btw

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

I've acquired a creature that stares at you no matter which direction you look at it from

[orphanedsource]

I’m hypnotized 

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

Two years on, their wood grain has darkened because they live on my laptop keyboard and I'm constantly patting them <3 To be loved is to be changed

[glowcowboy]

without arts & crafts we are in hell

[radioactive-green-dodo]

[corpsecowboy]

i get to see sturgeon every weekend so i made this:)

[hoenursey]

HOLY SHIT

GUYS IM UP IM HERE WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK

[coolstorybrahhh]

my only goal for 2026 is to be hotter and weirder