Lady Sigyn

A-spec procrastinating writer and watercolor artist. 26.

[sassycurse]

one of the best feelings tbh

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

[stabethadeathwhisper]

The objectively funniest part of this is actually that the city that holds his remains, Ravenna, refused to give his remains back. This was a ploy from florence to have his remains moved back for the tourist money and its been ongoing for a long time. Florence had a fake tomb built in the city to trick people into visiting, and have tried to force the return of the remains.

His actual caretakers have been very steadfast in keeping them hidden, moved, or generally out of reach to respect his choice in life to never, ever, ever return to florence, even when he was first offered the chance to return. This is at this point an almost millenium long feud that florence is really, really mad about losing

[mysteryteacup]

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[whereisthatfrogomine]

I also think it would be really funny if Shane knew Armando as a real estate connection. Armando reached out to him (because they're both celebrities in real estate, obviously). Shane doesn't typically do networking, but this time he looks into this guy's properties and just thinks, "Oh! This guy actually seems to be really successful at this. I should definitely accept his invite and learn from him and maybe meet some other people with good advice. It would be silly not to." Armando at some point drops the most casual "You do hockey, right? How is that?" that Shane has ever heard from someone who seems to know who he his. Armando never brings up performing because everybody obviously knows who he is (obviously), and Shane never thinks to ask if he does anything else. Armando sends him a text inviting him to dinner or to parties he happens to be throwing when he sees Shane has a game in town, and Shane always accepts. It would be rude not to, and he likes Armando. Shane gets so accustomed to seeing Armando when he's in Miami that the first time he plays there without getting an invite, he texts him to let him know he's in town and ask him if he wants to get dinner. Sorry man, I'm on tour right now. Next time, brother. What does that mean? On tour? Like, on a tour of Europe? Or is this some slang he doesn't know? Doesn't matter, he's busy either way. No problem man, next time. 👍🏽 At least things are still good with his good buddy Armando. Maybe now he'll facetime Ilya tonight, instead.

[voidsetup1]

and out of the darkness - you you you you you

[writing-prompt-s]

You look around the lecture hall and notice all the other students have fallen asleep. You look towards the lecturer, who has now stopped talking and is staring straight at you. “I don’t know how you’re still awake, but I guess we do this the hard way.” He says before pulling out a sword.

[rohirric-hunter]

@sindar-princeling​ you can’t leave this gold in the tags

[moroccanmanga]

Riad Dar El Malaika in El Jadida, Morocco

[penandinkprincess]

I read your fic of Tuna Meltdown being averted because Shane didn't want to tell his mom he broke things off with his "partner" and. That is the FUNNIEST possible opening for the most chaotic Fake Dating AU of all time. Please please PLEASE be my fake boyfriend so I don't have to tell my parents their son is having meaningless sex. Nothing has to change, I swear, we'll just pretend to be chaste and polite and affectionate when my parents are around and have debauched and meaningless sex when they aren't. This will be so fine and normal and is totally a thing we can do.

GOD

yuna and david were supposed to go to this game but thought they would have to cancel because they'd already agreed to going out to dinner with some friends who canceled last minute and then david had to work late, so yuna decided to drive up to montreal after all, and SHANE! WHO THOUGHT THIS PLAN WAS ALREADY CANCELED! THUS DIDN'T CHECK HIS PHONE WHEN HE AGREED TO LET ROZANOV COME OVER THE DAY BEFORE THE GAME, WHICH THEY DON'T ALWAYS DO.

which means yuna lets herself into shane's apartment (because why wouldn't she? shane's not texting back, which is strange, but maybe he's sick? it is flu season. and she has his key anyway.) ONLY TO FIND! SHANE AND ILYA ROZANOV SHIRTLESS ON SHANE'S COUCH AND ALMOST GIVING EACH OTHER BLACK EYES WITH THE SPEED WITH WHICH THEY SCRAMBLE OFF OF EACH OTHER.

and like??? really only ONE FUCKING THING they could have been doing!! very obvious what she just interrupted!!!

and oh...OH. all of this talk about how it's complicated and how shane can't openly be with his partner and yeah. yeah she gets it now. (yuna, oh my god). it ALL makes sense now. (yuna, please.) and yeah, kind of a mindfuck that her son's partner is the man?? who is supposed to be his greatest rival?? but she's already had a year of knowing shane was seeing SOMEONE. sooooo uh. hello, i'm yuna, we've met before but not under these circumstances, it's so nice to meet you finally for real, and-

and meanwhile ilya?? no fucking idea what's going on. kind of having a heart attack because jesus FUCK does he have a lot to lose if this gets out, but also?? she's shane's mom?? so she can't out him without outing shane and he's pretty sure she's not going to do that-

and then he registers that shane is Fully Freaking The Fuck Out. like straight up looks like he's about to pass out. and he doesn't know what's going on, but he knows shane looks like there is nothing happening in his head but aol dial-up noises and car wreck noises. and like. listen. ilya is also thrown for a loop, but he's not actually an asshole. he can tell shane is fucking TERRIFIED, so he's going to try and do what he can.

and what's the easiest answer to give when he doesn't know what's happening? agreeing with everything yuna is telling him.

yep. he is indeed shane's partner. he doesn't FULLY know that he understands exactly what that is, but he can figure that out when hollander doesn't actively look like he's going to pass tf out on him.

it's also at this point that yuna clocks back in enough (listen, sue her, okay, she has been DYING to know for a year now, so yeah she got excited and single mind tracked for a bit) to realize that her son and her son's partner are both still shirtless and she CLEARLY just interrupted Adult Alone Time, so she 180s and is like, "i'm going to go get some coffee, honey, you two can...*vague handwave* and oh! actually! your dad might miss the game, but he can still drive up tonight and we can have dinner here and-" and she is full Yuna Hollander Full Steam Ahead.

and then yuna is gone and it's shane and ilya.

and shane just. slooooowly curls up on his knees on the floor because What The Fucking Fuck Just Fucking Happened.

and ilya is also still a little ???? but puts a pin in that to talk hollander down from the ledge because man looks Bad.

and now they've got like. MAYBE 30 minutes to try and come up with a fake ass story for this dinner they're apparently going to have.

AND THEY STILL HAVE TO PLAY A FUCKING GAME BEFORE THEN.

and shane is just, "i know this is so weird. i am so sorry. trust me, i would willingly walk into traffic if i thought that would fix this. please just go along with it and i will explain whatever i can explain later-"

so they end up having dinner and managing to pull this act out of their ASSES. and they nearly fumble when shane starts to call him rozanov, but he can't do that with his partner, can he? that feels weird. so he calls him ilya, and ilya feels a little !!! zip inside him because oh!! that's!! new!! and oddly nice!! so calls him shane back.

so now they've broken the seal on first names. apparently. some fucking how.

and because yuna is yuna and DID HER FUCKING WAITING, she is inviting ilya to come to ottawa for the easter long weekend since they'll have time and it's not a couple's holiday anyway and he won't be going back to russia with such a short turnaround time-

and. listen. does shane feel great about this? no.

but it still feels better than having to look his mother in the face and say his partner is actually just a guy he fucks sometimes with no strings attached (jesus christ, shane.)

and ilya...is kind of just. going along. this is weird and also potentially complicated, but now gets to put his arm around shane? and call him shane? and he gets to pretend to play boyfriends because they have the understanding that This Is Fake? tbh? kind of ideal. the fun of playing boyfriend without having to admit ANYTHING to himself.

and the easter weekend ends up being the first time they share a bed because!! they get to ottawa!! and of course yuna assumes they'd be sharing!!! oh my god!! there was only one bed because his mom just assumed they wouldn't need another!!!!

[penandinkprincess]

laughing about them both simultaneously thinking they're running a con and getting away with something because they're both SO dedicated to playing boyfriends (for SURE not real boyfriends!! just pretend!!! ilya is doing shane a favor and shane just REALLY wants his parents to buy it!! it's ALL fake, though, guys, don't even WORRY ABOUT IT).

like shane isn't actually bold enough to really initiate anything, but ilya (at least from what he would say) has no horse in this race and tbh? kind of fun to play boyfriend. it's SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE OF COURSE, but like. sitting next to shane. and holding his hand. and kissing his cheek. and even putting his arm around him. and doing things like grabbing him a ginger ale if he's already up. it's all of the stupid daydream things he's *thought* about. and now. he gets to do them.

BUT IT'S ALL FAKE. IT'S JUST FOR THE SAKE OF LYING TO YUNA AND DAVID. THAT'S ALL.

and meanwhile shane?? is getting cuddles?? and gets to offer affection in return?? and ilya is attentive and responsive and even texts him often now?? because they need to have their story straight with each other and what's going on?? so they talk pretty often now?? and they've even cooked together a few times because shane panicked a little when trying to come up with Shit Couples Do when talking to his parents about what he and ilya do and just threw out "COOKING" because his parents cook together (meaning yuna gets to watch like it's her personal food network show and play taste tester), and then yuna and david who both know that shane has allergies and is a little particular about things with texture, etc. are just ?? ilya knows how to cook in a way you like??? and shane is just. Yes That Is Absolutely A True Fact About My Relationship With My Very Real Partner Ilya Rozanov.

and i'm laughing about these two IDIOTS both feeling like they're getting away with something and both enjoying it and feeling guilty about it AT THE EXACT SAME FUCKING TIME.

[penandinkprincess]

GOD i'm actually extremely emotional thinking about how kind this is from shane's pov. (and it is kind! ilya is doing him a big favor here! he's just also getting something out of this that shane doesn't know he wants and is enjoying). like. he obviously trusts rozanov in bed at this point. that's never been a factor, but any attempts at connection have been dismissed to the point that he doesn't really try anymore.

and yet back to a wall, no way out? rozanov had his back.

and still has his back.

and GOD the guilt of feeling like he's tricking rozanov when roz is already being so kind and doing this INSANE thing with him just so he won't have to admit something to his parents that he doesn't want to. rozanov is over here being the ultimate bro, and shane is the horrible person catching feelings and enjoying lightly snuggling with rozanov on the couch even though it's all a performance and means nothing.

and meanwhile ilya is getting to play happy family and kiss shane affectionately instead of just passionately and get things he wanted but always told himself no to before.

and he just thinks shane is putting up wtih all of this because he's just so golden boy that he doesn't want to admit that he's just fucking ilya casually. like yeah it's a little crazy to be doing this whole pretend boyfriends thing just so his parents won't know he hooks up sometimes, but like. it's shane. this tracks.

which means that ilya is the horrible person taking advantage of this agreement of theirs and playing boyfriend because it feels good and it's fun to be accepted into a family and yuna and david are so welcoming to him. like he is getting this taste of something he wants SO BAD.

and yet it's not his. not really.

and he has to wonder who's eventually going to come along and take this spot from him.

because it's not his.

it never will be.

[penandinkprincess]

GOD the first night at shane's parents' house sharing a room and a bed and it's a little bit awkward because how could it NOT be, and it's kind of ridiculous to feel so exposed in pajamas around someone they've been naked with so many times, but there's that kind of weird shuffle of "this is what i look like relaxed and about to sleep, and you've never seen that before, and i've never seen YOU like that before"

and there is a moment after they first climb in bed where they're just laying on their backs looking at the ceiling and they both think about the first time they hooked up and glance at each other and just KNOW the other person is thinking the same thing and can't help but laugh. and then that makes it all feel more comfortable because like. they've been a little awkward with each other before. they'll survive. and after that, it gets easier. like turning on their sides and talking until shane (who is usually RELIGIOUS about his sensible bedtime) is yawning more and more until he finally drifts off.

and ilya knows he shouldn't. this isn't what they are.

but he can't help edging close enough to put an arm over him and enjoy the solid warmth of him held close. and he plans to let him go! he does! one little snuggle just to find out what it feels like and then he'll be done!

...but he falls asleep instead.

so shane wakes up snuggled up all cozy and is just MORTIFIED. oh god. he got clingy in his sleep. he knows from when he was a kid that his parents used to tease him about being a barnacle and now he's done it AGAIN oh FUCK this is going to be so awkward now.

and they don't mention it. either of them.

but when they go to share the bed the next night, they fall into it a little easier.

[penandinkprincess]

OH GOD THEY GET ASKED ABOUT WHEN THEY STARTED DATING AND GIVE TWO DIFFERENT DATES

internally they both panicked and just went "okay first time i felt attracted to you-" JUST ASSUMING. PROBABLY THE SAME FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

so ilya gives the date they met in that parking lot, when this beautiful freckled talented player came up and SO obviously flirted with him. ilya was interested immediately because of course he was. (but in a CASUAL way. SO fucking casual guys. SO casual.)

but shane goes with their first time in his apartment. two years of leading up to it. so much anticipation. and the interest was always there because of course it was, but that night he felt WANTED. and safe. and like something clicked into place for him for the first time. and it's SO CASUAL OBVIOUSLY, but he felt SO connected and comfortable and at one with ilya that night that if he had to say when they started, he would pick then.

but now they're just staring at each other like "what do you mean" "what do YOU mean" because APPARENTLY this is something they should have fucking REHEARSED.

and then that night OF COURSE IT COMES UP. how could it NOT. and they're more comfortable sharing a bed now so that part isn't so strange, but they're about to sprain something tapdancing around actually answering while still DESPERATELY wanting to know why the other person picked the date they did.

[penandinkprincess]

GOD the angst of shane living this out and his parents not only accepting it but looking so happy about it and enjoying watching him be with ilya. his parents like ilya and ilya at least seems like he likes them back, and they eat dinner together and play board games and it's fucking. it's perfect. and he could have this. he could have all of this.

except that it's not real.

[penandinkprincess]

WAIT OH G O D

yuna making teasing playful (...but also just so her calendar lines up-) jokes about marriage one day and maybe kids and-

and ilya realizes. yeah. he does want that. it's big enough that the idea of it is fucking TERRIFYING. but also?? he's literally had a test run of this working?? and it DOES?? and it's GOOD??? he gets affection with shane and a family that accepts and wants him there??? and the idea of doing that forever?? pretty fucking sweet.

but also. this is. pretend.

but is it??????

like. shane started this. he's the one who started the lie about the partner, but was it just a lie? or was it wishful thinking? does shane want it, too? he's not a good liar, after all. he CAN'T be this good of an actor. he CAN'T BE. so maybe him leaning into the pda and cheek kisses and teasing IS real.

maybe ilya could have this after all.

but "can't talk openly about his feelings or he'll explode" in chief asks in the MOST roundabout fucking way about if shane has other "partners" he's waiting to bring home. and ilya is still hedging his bets so mentions that david and yuna might be mad at him if word gets out about him being with women, and his friend svetlana has been asking recently why he isn't down to fuck her anymore and-

and shane reads this as, "he wants to know if i can just make someone else take over because he's sick of this ruining his sex life."

so fine. fine.

and it fucking HURTS, okay. it hurts his heart that he got a taste of this and ilya is saying that he doesn't want anymore. and really, what else should he have expected? he asked THE most insane thing of his fuckbuddy. it's little fucking wonder he's tired of it. who wouldn't be?

but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt his feelings.

so shane packs it up to leave and not spend the night for the first time in MONTHS and ilya just ??? what is happening?? and shane is trying SO HARD to keep it together because worse than his fuckbuddy having to say "hey, let me out of this weird ass lie" would be his fuckbuddy saying that and him crying about it. so shane grabs his stuff and is just, "yeah, we should end this. don't worry. i'll tell my parents." because HE THINKS HE'S AGREEING WITH WHAT ILYA JUST SAID.

MEANWHILE ILYA THINKS THAT SHANE IS SAYING ILYA CAUGHT FEELINGS TOO MUCH AND WAS TOO OBVIOUS ABOUT IT.

[penandinkprincess]

G O D

shane feeling bad because yuna and david had asked about ilya's family and if they were accepting, and ilya kind of stalled out and blue screened but managed a, "no. is...more complicated." because like. he knows yuna hollander by now. if he doesn't shut it down, she WILL take initiative.

so shane knows by now that ilya doesn't have any family to be open around, and he doesn't want to TAKE THAT FROM HIM

but also ilya has said he doesn't want to be fake dating anymore (shane please), but shane also isn't heartless even if he's hurt, so he pulls the, "don't worry, i told my parents it was amicable and we decided to be friends" via text because he wants ilya to know he's not going to take this from him if he wants it, even if ilya doesn't want anything else with him (shane oh my god)

and i feel like david and yuna would be nice to rose, but i feel like they are also ???? so goddamn confused?????? (and yuna has also been left with too little information and has drawn up an ELABORATE potential theory of rose being a homewrecker that david was woken up at 2 am to hear) and like. rose can pick up that This Energy Is Fucking Off. it was already kind of fast for shane to be bringing her home but also?? athletes tend to be kind of intense anyway?? from what she's heard?? so?? okay?? kind of sweet that he wants to bring her home so fast, really.

except what?? is happening??? why does she feel like she's INTRUDING??

and yuna and david privately with shane are like, "are you sure about rose, honey? what about ilya?" and shane is trying even fucking HARDER to get a good grade in Dating Rose, something that is not possible to achieve and is confusing to everyone involved to want.

[penandinkprincess]

had to be done so i can propagate the cuttings, but snipping off these lovely fiddle leaf leaves hurt my heart SO bad, gang 😭😭😭

[penandinkprincess]

"lol who would pay $50 just to hang up some shelves?"

me, twenty minutes later, eight holes in my wall, cursing at satan's floating shelves: "okay i get it"

[sidewalk-cracks]

go watch Masters of the Universe PLEASE oh my god. You don't need to have previous experience with He-Man to watch it. I didn't and I loved it. Whoever's talking shit about it online is a liar. It's funny. The action sequences are BADASS. Adam is hot as fuck. Like that man is thicker than Chris Hemsworth's Thor. He could crush your skull like a watermelon with his biceps OR his thighs. Oh my god his thighs. The skirt and loincloth. The dramatic blonde curtain bangs. The midriff showing off the thickass six-pack. Nicholas Galitzine is a BRICKSHIT HOUSE. not to mention Jared Leto finally found the one role he's good at. His voice acting is dramatic and theatrical and goofy AND intimidating and menacing and powerful. All the side characters were great. The costumes were awesome. The VFX looked beautiful. Adam was beautiful. The amount of pathetic whumpy sounds he made had my fanfic writer heart POUNDING. they made him a cringefail wet cat himbo and every second was glorious. He got to mow through a crowd of npcs like a shounen protagonist. He beat the shit out of Skeletor with his bare fists.

It's not the end-all be-all of films, and that's okay because it wasn't meant to be in the first place. It's silly and goofy and hype af. It's a lighthearted good time with some genuinely good moral reflection sprinkled in. If nothing else please just watch it for the sexual crisis He-Man himself will give you

(within the end credits there are multiple extra scenes that pay homage to the og so stick around!)

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS monday. Let's get it on cunts

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS tuesday. We still must get it on cunts

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS wednesday. cunts you know what we must do. it's time to get it on

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS thursday. cunts, just a little longer. we must get it on.

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS friday. we cunts must persevere when we are so close to the finish line. it's time to get it on

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS saturday. some of us shall rest but others among us must still get it on. let's do it cunts

[punkitt-is-here]

it IS sunday. Rest easy, cunts. you got it on.

[legallybrunettedotcom]

[thombalan]

[hajima-7]

as the snake sheds her skin 🐍🩸

c0mm i did of Dafni and Eirini, from M G Katsibouri's upcoming book!

[diangelodork]

guys nicholas galitzine is WINNING rn and so am i. bros got two movies that are actively out in theaters and they’re both fucking peak. best moment of my life 😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛

[riaaanna]

Eternia (from "Masters of the Universe")

Brian at the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe premiere in London with Anita, Daniel Pemberton, and The Darkness (Rufus!)

Brian plays in the track Eternia from the movie's soundtrack.

[peculiarcorvidnotclickbait]

HE-MAN MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE IS FUCKING PEAK CINEMA

GIVE ME A SHE-RA MOVIE AND MAKE SURE SHES GAY NEXT