Why the fuck are you 30+ on tumblr
this is my house?
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@ladyaceofspades
Why the fuck are you 30+ on tumblr
this is my house?
this is genuinely worse than the time my professor told me he’d just seen a movie that reminded him of me and I was like oh neat what was it! And it was Deadpool
Current life update as proof of life:
* not sure where I left off last time but I was a dental assistant for a bit in the Oral Surgery department at work, then went to become a CBCT tech in the Radiology department. OS was not happy, so I lost a friend (one of the attending doctors was a friend) and my supervisor wasn't speaking to me for a very long time. My supervisor at the time also wrote really unprofessional emails to my now supervisor and department head so they both blocked my old supervisor.
* before I left OS, they asked that I take a certification test for Dental Anesthesia Assistant so I did. It took me two times but I passed January 2024 and now I'm certified!!
*I began working for Radiology in May 2023. I love it. My supervisor treats us very well, and we are close as a department. We are a small department of 3 techs, a supervisor, a department head, and a department head in training. I don't usually include the other radiologists because we don't see them, but there are 2 of them besides the department heads, who are also radiologists. My supervisor bought us a coffee machine and a coffee subscription, and brings us treats like pastries, sweets, snacks, drinks, and various creamers.
*there's always inter-departmental drama but the most recent was my old supervisor from OS, who is finally speaking to me again, offered to hire me back after I passed my test, at a much higher rate than she was paying me before ($5 more than she was paying me, and $2- something more than I make now). I told her I like where I am because I like working with the dental students and teaching them, but she's so committed to misunderstanding me that she just said "it's understandable you don't want to work with the patients". Not what I said, but I know what my truth is.
*Zelda, Princess of the Toe Beans is doing well and captures my heart every day with her adorable way she is herself. We are currently being lazy on the couch as I'm avoiding adult responsibility. Plus we both have our periods and she kept me up all night by not settling and pulling out her pad we've chance she got.
*I've started going to the gym! I'm trying to get healthier, and I was doing well but the week of the test threw me off because I was stress eating like crazy, or not eating at all. Trying to get back to eating healthier choices and at home more. I've been craving McDonald's a lot though so it's hard.
*got Ben to go to the doctor for his blood pressure finally. I'm so proud of him. I've been begging him for like a year to go to the doctor, and we have only gone to PatientFirst if there's a near heart attack or possible heart event. His blood pressure had been through the roof so now he's on meds and had appointments to see other doctors. First he saw his primary care on a Telehealth visit and I felt like I had to coach him through his symptoms and time lines for those symptoms. Like the doctor would ask him a question and Ben would look at me, for me to mouth the answer. He even looked at me when the doctor asked him to come into the office for an in person visit early in the morning and I had to remind him that he's not a morning person (meaning his making it to the appointment in time would be slim if it was early, if it was in the afternoon, he would have a higher chance of showing up on time). When he went into the visit, I had texted a bunch of questions for him to go over with his doctor, including a reminder to ask about checking for blood clots since there's a family history of embolism. Apparently Ben just handed the doctor the phone to read, but because of the mention of family history, Ben now has to see a pulmonologist so that'll be good. Yay for him!!
*I'm going to drag so many people out of the Prep department at work. It's the department I started in, and it's a good way to get your foot in the door and network with the dental students and attending doctors. I'm so proud of my friends that have gotten into school and are trying to get certified to become dental assistants. I've offered my help to help them study, and I'll have to retype up my practice tests from when I took the radiation safety test so I can test them on it, and I've offered to help them take practice x-rays when the time comes. I've offered them my books and everything, and even if all they need me for is to hold up flash cards, I'll do it. They deserve all the success in the world!
*I'm going to re dye my hair purple, take a break from the blue
*I may be starting a cookie business at work. I made butter crunch cookies for the floorvtech for his birthday and he LOVED them. I make batches sporadically and hand them out and people LOVE them. One of the girls at the front desk was calling and texting me for like a half hour before my lunch asking for her cookies but since I was working with students and patients, my phone was off. She got her cookies but apparently she was bugging my coworker about where I was for awhile. I gave a cookie to a lady in the Prep and one of her coworkers fussed that she had a cookie and he didn't (he loves the cookies) so she gave it to him and didn't have it so I owe her a few for that. Same Prep area, different make coworker had his mind blown when he tried the cookies for the first time and thought they were snickerdoodles with cinnamon (no cinnamon at all and they're butter crunch). Took them to one of Ben's family events and there were none left to take home (GOOD because we didn't need them, but now Ben's mom is asking for them for her birthday present and had asked for them for Christmas, these may be at the same level as carnitas because I made carnitas so many times for family events that I can't even eat them anymore). The ladies at the Cafe love the cookies too, and so do their families. Apparently the families ate all the cookies before two of the ladies could try any, and the other lady tears them up with her girlfriend so I always give her a lot. It's gotten to the point where I'm making 4 batches at a time and they're wiped out. If I had more space in my apartment and could consistently brown butter well, I'd make like 8 batches and hang up signs to sell them. Anyway, I have an instagram for it but no pics yet.
*got hired to make a cake but can't decide on a recipe so that's what I'm doing this afternoon lol
*trying to outsource some chores around the house like sending laundry out since our washer can't handle laundry like that and the laundry room downstairs has been locked for months. Apparently they changed the locks and didn't give us a key even though we've been in the same building for going on 5 years now. Our apartment complex is getting shittier and shittier.
*house hunting but not seriously, trying to decrease our debt
*made new friends!!
More later
the thing about adulthood is when someone says something extremely rude to you, you can either turn the other cheek or calmly & firmly correct them. The third option is to tell them “say that again, I’ll bite you” & everyone sort of nervously laughs and tries to move on from your little joke. Which is why I think it’s very important that when they do say it again you follow through. Nobody actually expects you to bite them. We should be biting more. Also if you’re with the county health department do not read thi s post
#the wild hunt
Whatever this is, I want to participate.
Let’s get it on bitches!!! Saturday Night Wild Hunt!!
horse: OH WE'RE GOING NOW? IT'S TIME TO GO? OKAY LET'S GO LET'S GO
WHOOO ALL RUNNING TOGETHER YEAH! I'M LEADING THE HERD! LET'S GOOO
A professional exorcist, but with the attitude of a professional pet handler. A demon whisperer, if you will. Just showing up to places that have a ghost problem, figuring out what the creature's problem is, and then just... give them chew toys, usually. The girl whose soul is trapped in your cellar is scared and bored in there, of course she'll rush at you and shriek every time you try to go in there. Ease her into human interaction, leave the door open sometimes and talk to her until she gets used to you.
Yeah the thing clawing on your walls is a bear spirit. Yeah a bear was slaughtered on the spot of this house incorrectly in the 1800s or something. Yeah performing the proper rites now won't make it go away, it's already used to your trash - bears are creatures of habit. Just do these little rituals to appease it every once in a while. In the good news, the ghost bear will keep the living bears off your trash. Yeah bears have a lot of reverence to their dead.
Oh, "poltergeist" is an outdated term, we don't use it anymore. It was used as a kind of a blanket explanation for a whole bunch of different phenomena that couldn't be explained otherwise. What you have here is an undiagnosed autistic child who's also on psychic spectrum. Yeah no there's actually significant overlap between the two. Here's where to find resources on how to better accomodate your kid, the furniture should stop exploding on its own once you've figured out a better way to communicate so they don't get overstimulated.
This house right here is just build on a demon area. No yeah the mysterious scripts you found carved in the stone that your house's foundation was built on literally just say "DEMON AREA DO NOT BUILD". They don't live here, it's just like an ant road. Except the ants are the size of a truck and immaterial. No you can't redirect the demon highway, you gotta move. You built a house on top of a stone that literally says "DO NOT BUILD". I get that you didn't know it at the time, but you do know now, so if you choose to stay, that's a you problem.
At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.
Man behind me having unhinged phone conversation. There is an internationally famous dairy in the area I was visiting and he was commissioned by the lady on the other end of the phone to collect specific cheeses from there. The lady is very high strung about the type and condition of the cheese.
The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"
I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.
Our flight is delayed.
He does not have the cheeses in a cooler, just a regular backpack.
I need to emphasize that there is no cooler bag in the backpack. He has Jansport backpack that is jam-packed with cheeses. There is apparently $405 dollars worth of cheeses in that backpack, which I know because he has been trying to get the lady to venmo him the expense, which she has failed to do. It is unclear whether his relation to the lady is romantic, familial or what, but I'm leaning towards "what".
Two more people have joined us. One is a very elegant man with a perfect manicure in a tailored business suit, the other is a neon-haired person of indeterminate gender wearing a fox kirigumi. The Shiba Inu has been staring at the latter for three minutes now.
Uh oh.
Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.
The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.
He's not having it. He's insisting she told him she would pay him back- he would have gotten her maybe one cheese somewhere closer to his business in the area out of love, but he went out of his way because she agreed to pay him costs+ extra to cover it.
HE RECORDED THE CONVERSATION IN WHICH SHE PROMISED TO PAY FOR THE CHEESE, SHE'S THAT MUCH OF A FLAKE.
I am about to offer this man cash for some of these cheeses because our flight is now more delayed.
"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! NO! NO! FUCK YOU! IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME, YOU DON'T GET FANCY CHEESE."
"OR ELSE WHAT?"
"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"
"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"
"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"
"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"
"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"
*hangs up phone*
*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*
The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.
"If your friend doesn't want it, would you be amenable to having it right now?"
Naturally, I have volunteered my box of wheat thins and offered to buy one of the harder cheeses which should be fine if it makes it home.
Meanwhile, Kirigumi has noticed that the Shiba Inu is staring at her and is correctly intimidated.
1. This is some fucking great Camembert. I have compensated cheese guy accordingly. So have like six other people. He's recouped like half his losses.
2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.
3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.
"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say
"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."
"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.
4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.
"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.
"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"
"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"
"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."
"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."
"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"
"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.
"Does he want a cheese? There is still so much cheese." Says cheese guy.
Plane may be arriving. I am paying for in flight WiFi to keep y'all updated.
1. Cheese guy has sold all but two or three cheeses that he an Pinot are going to eat on the flight.
2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.
3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.
4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.
5. Pinot is now convinced that cheese guy is the smartest and most interesting man in the world.
Ok so the Wifi wasn't working on the plane (also like, nonstop turbulence) and also they got seated in a different row from me, but:
Now that I've heard the word aloud, and they are an astrophysicist. Who correctly believes in being comfy as fuck on planes. They are also familar with the concept of a meet-cute and is rooting for them too.
Got to walk the nice lady and her Tactical Assault Shiba to her next gate because it was on the way out and talk for a bit. Donut is called that not because he is the color of a Donut (which he is) but because he likes to sleep curled up in a perfect circle. He has a sister who does the same thing named Bagel.
Lost track of Pinot and Cheeseguy for a bit but when I saw them again at Baggage claim, Cheeseguy was holding both their jackets, and Pinot was on the phone to his hotel about "Well do you have any rooms with TWO beds?". The rest of the call indicated that yes, there were rooms with two beds, but Readers, I Had A Moment.
:)
Anyway, it's 2AM, I need to sleep, if you feel like supporting this kind of hard-hitting reporting, I have a Tip Jar!
I am not the divine masculine or the divine feminine I am the divine comedy and you will address me as such
Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
Still my favorite story from the Lord of the Rings set: Viggo Mortensen bonded so much with the horse he rode in the movies that after filming was over he bought it from its owner. If that doesn’t warm your heart I don’t know what could.
don’t forget that he also bought arwen’s horse for her stunt rider when she couldn’t afford it awww
#also don’t forget that for the rohirrim they put a call out for locals #bring a horse show us you can ride it and get a part in the battle scenes #and one women went out roped a wild horse and rode for a few days to set #and got to be a rider of rohan
also sort of relevant viggo also bought the horse that costarred with him in the movie hidalgo and subsequently took the horse (tj) with him to the red carpet premier.
Also most of the Riders of Rohan are actually women because when they put out that call mostly women showed up with their horses and the costume team just stuck beards on them.
Arwen made a friend at Doggy Daycare today
And by “made a friend” I mean “Adopted another dog”.
His name is Wolfgang, and is a Wolfhound/husky mix.
He’s eight month’s old, and already weighs 102 lbs.
Arwen weighs like 50lbs, and has decided that she is now his mother.
He’s a big shy baby, and she’s helicoptering over him like the mom of the kid with six million allergies only imagine the kid is built like a refrigerator.
I will get pictures.
So Arwen has discovered fish and now wishes to fight all things aquatic
So yesterday I took Arwen for a walk up in the mountains around West lake up in Red Feather. While we were there, we passed by this guy trout fishing, who happened to reel one in right as wee passed by.
Arwen noticed the string moving right away, ears and tail up. Then the guy pulled the trout out flopping and she just lost it. I actually watched her little doggy brain come to the realization that those shapes she’d seen in the water are ANIMALS HOLY SHIT IMMA EAT IT. (fortunately, fisherman thought this was hilarious)
So now when we go walking anywhere near water she has to shove her face into it to look because there might be fishes, which she could fight. We ended up standing on a bridge for a good minute while she barked at the trout under it.
Thank goodness I don’t live near the ocean. Imagine if she saw a SEAL.
ARWEN IS BEST DOG 10/10 WOULD DOG AGAIN
I originally thought this was about Arwen Evenstar and wondered what a fictional elf had against fish.
elf arwen wanting to fight fish is also a good 10/10 would elf again
I’m picturing Elf!Arwen doing everything Dog!Arwen does, and it’s hilarious.
Rolling around in the snow.
Bellowing profanity at anything unfamiliar that comes too close to the house.
Trying to catch and eat anything that moves
Slowly belly-crawling onto anyone who happens to be holding food while making the ultimate sad puppy face.
Strategically kicking everyone around her until she takes up 80% of the bed, if you fall on the floor it’s your fault for not asserting yourself.
Charlie likes having a fenced yard to play in, even if the nuances of fetch escape Him.
Also, to clarify, Charlie is MY dog, Arwen is my PARENTS’ dog, and they love eachother like siblings, which is to say they squabble all day then mope whenever they have to be apart.
Having just now read the post about Arwen’s misadventure with Bojangles, I find myself wondering: WHY is she wet in this video? XD
Becuase Arwen’s favorite summertime game is “HUMAN TURN ON THE HOSE AND WAVE IT AROUND SO THAT I MAY CHASE AFTER AND ATTACK THE STREAM OF WATER IN AN ENTHUSIASTIC AND MERRY FASHION. I AM GOING TO SIT NEXT TO THE HOSE AND COMPLAIN LOUDY UNTIL YOU DO SO.” I took a video of this last summer but it’s too big for tumblr and I couldn’t be arsed to make a Vimeo or Youtube account.
Charlie, on the other hand, doesn’t like getting more than his toes wet and spent ten minutes barking at the lake the first time he saw it because FUCK THAT MUCH WATER EXISTING IN GENERAL. NO. I HATE IT. , but he has no undercoat and stays properly hydrated so we don’t worry.
It’s Offically Springtime In Colorado
I opened the back door to go get the mail and approximately 589 fucktillion Miller Moths flew into the house.
The dogs are now hunting them for sport and late-night snacks.
Well really Charlie is hunting them via galloping and leaping around the house and yelling whenever he swats/snaps one out of the air until Arwen comes and eats it. Arwen has a knee injury and can’t chase them like normal so it’s nice of him to share. Of course, any time Charlie yells about something, she has to yell back at him and thus they coordinate the Great Hunt by the loudest game of Marco Polo possible.
It’s 1 AM.
It’s their favorite thing all year, until their next favorite thing all year happens, because being a dog means your enthusiasm isn’t tempered by the illusion of time or the dumbassedry that just because something happens regularly that it isn’t special. Maybe I’m extremely sleep deprived but I feel like we could all learn from this attitude.
Update from Charlie’s Vacation with his Grandparents:
He and Arwen are Hunting rabbits cooperatively, much to the dismay of my parents.
The fenced-in part of the yard is open mesh on one side with a bush near the gate. On the other side is a large garden plot with a slash pile my parents have been contributing to for the last 12 years. The rabbits like to climb through the Mesh and browse for tasty things in the slash pile. Arwen’s got good focus and is fast on her feet but the rabbits have enough lead time from the sound of the back door opening to get back to the other side of the mesh fence.
HOWEVER, Now that Charlie is staying with them, they’ve developed a new strategy where Charlie, who is much faster at a sprint out the back door but isn’t good at corners or staying on target, bolts directly for the slash pile to get his rabbit at the source and sends half a dozen of them rocketing for the Mesh fence.
Arwen has picked up on this and is now running for the mesh fence straight away and this morning was DAMN CLOSE to getting herself Hasen Extra Rare if my sister hadn’t bolted after her and barely caught her by the collar.
They spent the afternoon running practice patterns so now charlie runs directly for the slash pile, then corkscrews around to run up the mesh fence so he and Arwen can corner the rabbits by the back door. They’ve been doing it on repeat all day like football drills and were hanging around the back door all night grinning at my mother like idiots.
“Let us out!” They wag. “We won’t go around murdering the local wildlife at all! We definitely weren’t rehearsing all afternoon!”
“No, you jerks.” Says my mother. “I’m watching Masterpiece Mystery and will not have my fictional murder interrupted by Actual Murder.”
My idiot son and his godmother are going to give my parents fits.
So about 10 years ago a Virus went through Colorado that took out most of our foxes, and just in the last 2 years they’ve started coming back to FoCo.
This is a bit of an issue for me as the one that’s staked out my parent’s neighborhood has decided that it and Arwen should be rivals, to which Arwen has heartily agreed.
Half my parent’s yard is fenced in, and since their house was built back in the 60′s it’s got these low windows where the average dog can peer out of them on all sides of the house. The ones in the front go right down to the floor, behind a small patio, so naturally every couple of nights at about 2 AM the fox comes by to investigate the property for rabbits, and groked pretty fast that Arwen is stuck indoors by then, so it paws at the glass until she notices it, then sits in front of the window and watches as she goes apeshit on the other side of the glass. Since I’ve come up with Charlie to watch the place, he has gleefully joined in this canine community theater event.
I can set a clock by this thing. Every third or fouth night, it comes around at no earlier than 1:58 AM and no later than 2:12 and I hear:
Fox: *bonk* Fox: … Fox: *bonk* Dogs: *interrogative collar jingling noise from the other room* Fox: *bonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonk-* Arwen: BWAAAAAAAAAAUUUGUHRARARARARARARA- Charlie: YEEEEEAAAPAYAYAYAYAYAYA- Dogs: *scrambling, thudding noises as they try to get up from wherever they’ve nested and get off the couch/down the stairs with an absolute minimum of grace and coordination* Dogs, going completely insane, kicking the glass and slobbering and bellowing to wake the whole block up: BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKARKARKARKA AKAAKAKAKA- Me, genuinely worried their combined effort will actually break the glass, stumbling out of my room like a zombie on 4 Loko to grab them and direct them towards the basement until they chill: GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!! Fox, sitting on the other side of the glass: :D
Tonight however, Arwen was Very Asleep on the couch after a late-night walk and she didn’t hear the Bonking (Charlie heard it but it’s only fun as a group event, so he stayed in his chair, and I had headphones on for work), so in a move of genuine concern and/or extreme trollishness, the fox came around the house, got up on it’s little bastard hind feet and stuck it’s face between the open window and the screen and went, in it’s best “small-child-dying-horribly-in-a-real-fucked-up-horror-movie” voice, went: Fox: eeeEEEYYYAAAAAAUGH!!
Waking everyone up and causing me to breifly shit my own soul out in terror, before having to get up and bolt after Awen who HAS APPARENTLY LEARNED HOW TO OPEN THE BACK DOOR IF IT’S NOT LOCKED NOW, and wrestle 72lbs of dog from climbing the wire fence to go and kick the Fox’s ass, while Charlie ran around yelling and kicking me in the general spirit of things.
This seems to have greatly amused the fox, who I can only assume will be back tomorrow night for a repeat performance of “2 dogs, 1 brain cell”