eating cake with andrew

"im a bad person trying very hard to be a good person" she/her || aroace

[mindreadingbxtch]

Too tired to do things I enjoy

I have no idea what to do with myself now that I have the first free day after all that stress. It's a weird feeling. I feel like it's still in the process of wearing off.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm paralyzed, both by the stress still seeping out of me and by the feeling that even if I started doing something, I just couldn't continue.

I already had that feeling before. Yesterday and today, I decided to play some video games, and as soon as I started, it just felt like my hands were made of lead, like my head suddenly became so heavy, and I got so tired.

I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to do things I enjoy, but I'm too tired to do them. I want to, really, but it feels too tiring, like too much of a commitment.

It sounds ridiculous, I know. I guess it's just one of the ADHD things or something. But I'm just so tired of this bullshit. Normally, I feel like that too, but it's not as strong as it is today. So what's different about today?

I don't know, I'm probably overthinking things. Obviously.

But does anybody know what it really takes to stop that feeling? To finally break free from your own brain's ridiculousness?

So far, I guess there's no medicine for that.

Everything that normally feels interesting now feels boring and too tiring to take up. Does that make sense?

Everything has been feeling irritating for a while now. Music, which I love, rarely feels good now. Music that I usually listen to now feels like a cheese grater in my ear.

I just burst out crying in front of my boyfriend. God bless his soul for putting up with my bullshit, cause even I've had enough of myself already.

He tried to find me something to do, fed me chocolate, and tried to make me smile. He's so sweet. I love him so much.

How do I tell him nothing about me feels right at the moment? Is that even a relatable feeling?

[justagirlinthisworld1111]

How do I tell my mum that the child she gave birth to, is mentally gone?

[pinkprincetragedy]

I feel like a burden in the world I feel so wrong and pathetic

[surrah698]

[mariposas8494]

Exactly what’s happening rn…

[riotd]

nobody teaches you how to go about life when you didn’t expect to be alive this long

[osazaisbloodstainedbandages]

society when a mentally ill person doesnt function like a regular person: 😨😨😟😟😱😱😱

[clannfearrunt]

see the problem is i hate going to sleep but once i am asleep i love staying asleep. inertia is a property of the me

[franknfurterstriangulardinosaur]

ages ago, I posted an aro positivity post that got a lot of bad replies. “This isn’t aromanticism, this is mental illness”. People don’t realise you’re allowed to be mentally ill and aromantic. You can have a personality disorder and be aromantic. You can be depressed. You can be bipolar. You can be mentally ill and still not want to be in a romantic relationship. It might not be connected but it might be. If you are aro because of mental illness or trauma, then that’s still aromanticism. If you just happen to be aro and mentally ill, you’re still aro. Aromanticism is not mental illness itself but of course, there’s mental illness within the aspec community. There’s mental illness in all communities. It doesn’t deter from aromanticism. Mentally ill aros are valid!

[stingray-blast]

ok so you support the disabled, disordered, and mentally ill. but are you normal when someone takes long to respond to you? or if they have a hard time listening to you? when someone has a hard time giving you their attention? or when their manners aren’t perfect? or when someone makes mistakes that may be obvious or simple to you? or when someone talks loudly or “causes a scene?” are you normal when people have to think really hard to explain things? or when they have a hard time putting their thoughts into words?

are you normal when people’s hair is unkempt or oily or visibly unbrushed? or when their face might be full of acne? or when they don’t have deodorant on for one reason or another? how about if their clothes are dirty? 

are you normal about disabled/disordered/mentally ill people when they make you a little uncomfortable?

[permdaydreamer]

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.

[emotionaleating]

i feel like no one really talks about how this all is a permanent condition, the sadness never really goes away it just brews in the back of your head. no matter what you’ll always be reminded that it’s always lingering. sometimes i can’t accept it’s always going to be like this. i swear i’m fun and chill i just have this irrevocable ache inside of me. it’s a part of me now and i don’t think i ever wanna let it go. oh i wish to be a normal girl. what is wrong with me?.

[violetsinmyveins]

It's so frustrating when people say "just be yourself!" "Let yourself be who you are!" "Let the real you out!" Because THERE IS NO REAL ME. I don't exist under the personality that I fake. There is NOTHING.

[prinxessinwonderlxnd-deactivate]

naps hit different when ur using them to avoid being alive

[sa-dnesss]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[the-mighty-dragon]

Wanting a romantic relationship as a (most likely) aroace not in a "If you want a girlfriend you can't be aroace, it doesn't work like that" kind of way but in a "I want someone to choose me. I want someone to choose me, day after day, for the rest of our lives, because they want to. I want to be someone's partner, I want to be someone's first pick, I want to be their favorite one. I don't want to be shunted aside in favor of husbands, wives, and kids, because our schedule changed, because we've moved on to different things. I want to be a priority. I want them to fight to keep me, I want to fight to keep them. I want to hold someone, I want to be held. I want to exist in their space, I want them in mine. I don't want to find out they mattered so much more to me than I did to them. I dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb." kind of way

[sa-dnesss]

“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everyone is doing so many things with their lives. I am just here. Frozen. I have been a ghost for years. I wonder if that is all I will ever be.”

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