lady of the moon @ladyofthemoons-blog - Tumblr Blog

Welcome

Hi, I hope you're well. I'm lady of the moon, you can call me lady. Welcome to my blog. I'll be sure to overshare here, make cringe posts and talk about nothing. I'm a depressed girl looking to chill and express myself because this seems to be the only place. Thanks for joining.

She/her

A bit more about me, i love supernatural, forever a destiel shipper, love all things hannibal, read ao3 and write my own, though I doubt I'll ever have the confidence to disclose myself here, fiona apple is my favourite singer, MCR, Green Day, Florence + The Machine and Batman is my bitch, and if i weren't so poor I would look as goth as I am lol. I love corpse bride, a proud lover of 10 things I hate about you, and just about any film I can get my hands on, I <3 physical media and love playing video games, including Minecraft, god of war, detroit become human, Batman (all series) and the last of us and animals have my whole heart and my favourite colour is purple, im sure youre surprised to hear that after being blinded by my banner

I wonder if something will come of this. Feel free to join me, idk maybe you'll find solace where another cannot. Oh and fuck ai slop.

Feel free to dm if you want to be moots! No one under 16 pls <3

#welcome home #girl blogger #girl blog aesthetic #aesthetic #gothic #small blog #wlw #bisexual #poetry #writing #vent #digital diary #this is a girlblog #girlblogging #dear diary

Forever an "i feel sick" girl when nervous

#diary of a teenage girl #girl blogger #hell is a teenage girl #small blog #girl blog aesthetic #aesthetic #gothic #blog #girlhood #life of a teenage girl #anxiety

"You're not alone." My mother says in that voice that tells me she's over talking with me already, in that voice i've recognised since i was a girl.

I have my family, i have my family. no one will know what it felt like to sit in that class, with him just across the way. to go home to do nothing but sleep so that i may finish college. to walk through the halls during class because i could no longer breath, to wonder if they would hurt me. to sit, frozen and terrified in my chair, to have my teachers watch me, with a caution they didn't have when i first met them, but only because if i were to do something rash, they would need to say they had tried. to say that they had asked if i was alright, that they had spoke to me for any reason other than to make sure this would not fall back on them.

i am not alone.

i sit in my room, the time since last seeing my nan getting longer and longer and i have yet to notice, the time since i last spoke, even if to myself, the time since i last breathed.

and as i sit and stare at my mother, overwhelmed and far too exhausted to be anything but frustrated with my lack of sentience, i wonder if she remembers my favourite colour. if she has noticed that i have stopped speaking, really speaking. wonder if she has noticed that i have not eaten in days and that the bags under my eyes have deepened. that i have not been angry in a long time. wonder if she still calls me the angry daughter or if she has simply stopped talking of me, as i have now phased out of a world that i had fought so hard to come back to.

wonder if she can smell the salt from my tears, as i have cried so much that i can no longer taste the anger on my tongue.

i am not alone.

#diary of a teenage girl #small blog #gothic #hell is a teenage girl #tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #grief poetry #poets on tumblr #original poem #angry daughter

Cat in the Sun

Hello dear,

I find myself pondering on what it might feel like if I were to become a cat a lot lately. To be curled up on the cool pebbles of my family's driveway, under a tree that christens me in gold when i should be so lucky, just like the cat i just saw on my way home. The question that comes into play when i think of me as a cat is, would i still remember my father? Would i still remember that i shall only ever know him through the words of others, through the distant version of him i like to believe is like a character in the show i'm watching, through the thread that stakes me in the heart as i read past the bookmark he left in place in the book i shall finish for him 12 years later. Would i remember that i never had the privilege to forget his voice, because i never got keep it in my head when i became sentient? To be a cat. A cat that does not know the pains of my life, does not know the terrifying unknown of the world, a cat that simply basks in the sun, feels the air through it's fur and doesn't even think to notice as it is overwhelmed by the smell of the world. The smell of a bird above, of that loud engine that just rumbled by, of it's owner, a woman who has only ever spoke to it with the love and kindness of a mother. If I were a cat, would I still be so wonderous, stuck in my head and too busy being terrified of the world to even notice what forests i have at my paws? If i were a cat, i know i would be a sad one, but i hope that i would be that cat in the sun. Goodbye for now,

Lady

Just started crying, time to girlblog

#diary of a teenage girl #girl blogger #hell is a teenage girl #girl blog aesthetic #small blog #aesthetic #gothic #blog #girlhood #life of a teenage girl

Blank Purple Walls

It feels like i'm nothing but an acquaintance to my own person. I don't know what I like. My room is nothing but blank purple walls. When I look at my siblings' rooms i see their interests, all over the place, even if just one single interest. When I look at mine, it's like ancient fucking history. My piano collects dust at my side, the books on my shelves are ones that i have collected from mine and my sibling's childhood. Some of them are even my mother's. School books rot in a box in piles in my room. It's like i've felt so unknown to myself, even as a girl, that I try to pick up the former memories and scraps of others to piece myself together.

And worst of all, the feeling of never being known to anyone, even my sibling, is correct. How can they even begin to know me and what I like if i can never be sure what to tell them either?

#diary of a teenage girl #girl blogger #girl blog aesthetic #aesthetic #small blog #gothic #girlhood #life of a teenage girl #blog #hell is a teenage girl #depression #depressing shit #girl thoughts #thoughts #no one knows me

Ventpost/shitpost TW

I haven't been as active lately. I guess I've been depressed, but, I can't even remember when I woke up today so, I honestly don't know what I've been like. I keep having nightmares, and my flashbacks have begun again. I can't think of any way to make any of this sound pretty unfortunately, it's just how I live, burn myself so that I may use my own misery as fuel for a pretty flame. Then I catch up to myself, and suddenly I'm just a girl, alone and sad in her room with nothing but my lamp to keep me warm.

I'm honestly sick of it, sick of being sick of it and sick of being so tired. I keep thinking about college lately. That bastard assaults me and I'm the one who loses my chance at life. And now I'm nothing but a girl who wants for nothing. I used to want to play music. I play the piano, we don't need to acknowledge the past tense that I refuse to use when it comes to my instrument. Just know, although I cannot accept it, i haven't played since what he did to me. I don't draw anymore either. I just sleep, and wake up, and sleep, and wake up. Over and over and over. A never-ending cycle of a restless slumber.

Last night I was thinking about making a yt channel. I have thought about it everyday since I was a kid to be honest. It's a dream I didn't realise I had lost a long time ago. My dreams all kinda feel like I'm floating, out in space, I'm attached to it, the only thing anchoring me, I still wonder about it but it is far too long of a thread for me to reach in time, so I simply float. But I have never felt 'right'. I understand that i only feel like that because i am insecure, it is all in my head and yada yada but so is everything else so what am i supposed to do? I thought about doing a minecraft channel, not for anything other than fun. Or those channels where it's just a sad girl talking to her camera, showing her life. But i feel like even those girls are more interesting than me. I do nothing. Not in the way of I actually do things I just don't right now, I mean I do nothing. i live with a family of shutins and the rest of my family are so type A i'd probably combust trying to keep up with them. And the only way I'll be able to do anything with just me myself and I, is if i get a job so i can save up for a car.

I feel like I've spent my entire life so far trying to figure out how to survive myself. How depressing is that?

It's like I can't even be a sad teenage girl the right way either. And once again, I find the words, "I am so sick of this." dragging across my desolate mind.

Goodbye for now,

Lady