The Lukewarm

stay a while. have some tea.

[laikabarks]

Vulnerable

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I wrote my best song when I was 21 And I knew nothing about anything. Now I know it all about nothing at all. And I can’t write anything. You try too hard. It shouldn’t be so hard.

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I honestly don’t know how Dan just hits everything so close to home, but this sums up my feelings about writing. Year after year, writing anything of value becomes increasingly impossible. I want to do it. I try hard to do it. It shouldn’t be so hard, but it is. My abilities started withering long before I created this blog. Now I’m calling it quits. This’ll be my final entry. Too much time spent staring blankly into the screen, trying to channel my violent internals into verbal vomit and walking away with nothing. This is now a relic.

(fin)

[laikabarks]

flash freeze my brain and wake me when the weekend is over, thanks

[laikabarks]

whenever I watch a film that I think is beautiful and brings me to tears I have a strong desire to die afterwards

[laikabarks]

today a friend gave me the advice that I should try to fix my mental disorders because it’s not good to be dependent on medications to function

mind: blown ☑

[laikabarks]

I’m the faintest flicker in the dark I burn slowly and dream of fire

[laikabarks]

heavily considering repurposing this to be a place of (frequent) minimal production with no purpose and no value. slap some words in there, smash the post button, walk away knowing that the deed is done. ice cold, no remorse, thug life

[laikabarks]

is it americant or is it ameriwont

[laikabarks]

every now and then sentimentality hits me and my dead insides awaken for a few moments, yearning to rupture tenderly or tearfully upon a kindred soul that does not exist in my life

[laikabarks]

sometimes I just wish a nice cult would come and whisk me away

[laikabarks]

undeath has been attained a sudden surge of consciousness to resent all over again

[laikabarks]

the trickiest thing about assembling a wailing wall is that it needs rhythm. I need to be able to snap my fingers to it and a time signature needs to be calculated and applied to all the bawling and barfing. this is why I’m starting a percussive depression expression algebra study group, that we may together unravel the heartbeat of every form of inner turmoil and misery. qualification requirements include a low self-esteem, a deep sense of self-pity, and life-threatening ventricular arrhythmia. send your applications to your local morgue or priest.

[laikabarks]

a message flickers into existence

devil is early birb to make up for lost time slow-cooked human feast at the apocalypse BYO wine and cutlery - don’t be late

[laikabarks]

death has occurred I’ll be quiet now and pray for armageddon

[laikabarks]

shoutouts to the devil for staying the fuck off my lawn this year 

[laikabarks]

no

oh hey apparently they updated tumblr so it no longer notifies you when somebody sends you a message or asks you a question or anything like that. that’s pretty cool, I guess. yeah I like that

[laikabarks]

Bonjour admiral. Hope you feeling lovey at whatever point you read this.

the well-wishes are appreciated, but consider me a non-person. I’m not having a day, I’m just part of certain settings at certain times and when the event is over I am no more. wish me no good and no ill and think of me not as friend or foe or stranger; I am none. I’m dramatic now but soon I won’t be and soon on a larger scale this bubbling drama will not reify. thanks and may your healthy mane fly free.

[laikabarks]

regrettably I’m still here, I just realized that internal screaming and thrashing is really boring