L A Knights

Inhale the future, Exhale the past

[laknights99]

Homework has me like

[laknights99]

Finals have me like

[laknights99]

I know I never cross your mind,

but you cross mine from time to time

And I wish I could say thank you now

since I couldn't say it back then

But I know better than

to go down your road again

//

Because if I showed up on your front porch

you wouldn't want to see my face

I imagine we remember

that night quite differently

//

And I wish I could say sorry

since I know now how terrible it feels

to shake someone who can't take a hint

because every sign flies over their head

But I know better than

to go down your road again

//

Because if I called you on your phone

you wouldn't want to hear my voice

Honestly, I don't blame you

I wouldn't want to hear from me either

//

And I wish I could ask about the memory

I've had since I was ten

because you're the only one

who could tell me if I imagined it

But I know better than

to go down your road again

[laknights99]

Every once in a while,

your story crosses my mind

You were pulling my leg, all in good fun,

and when I flash back

to that beer soaked memory

I remember your laugh

The gleam in your eye

And your backpedal apology

When I told you you sucked

//

We met at the wrong time

The wrong place, the wrong moment

And maybe I was disappointed,

but I wasn't surprised

And I'll never know what might've happened

had I traveled to Ypsilanti

Got caught up in the rager

before it was busted by cops

[laknights99]

The Nice Guy

I don't like nice guys

They're overrated

Self-inflated, pompous douche bags

Shouting from the sidelines

that not all men are dicks

and throwing tantrums when

the object of their obsession

insists she wants to be just friends

//

I don't like nice guys

There's a reason experienced women

lock them out and ban them from their bed

They have the foresight I lacked

They listen to their gut

and trust in others' wisdome

The sister who told them to run

The mother who knew it all along

But I had to make my own mistakes

And, damn, did I make them

//

I don't like nice guys

They don't take no for an answer

They push and push

and trick you with lies

Until you throw your hands up and say, "Fine"

because they're a nice guy,

and how bad could it be?

Seeing if this thing might work

They aren't an asshole,

or so you think

//

And only later do you realize

that a real man, a real good guy,

wouldn't railroad you like the asshole did

Wouldn't keep going when they shouldn't

Take advantage of your inexperience

It wasn't criminal, what happened to me

I won't be scared for life

I won't make

that same mistake twice

//

I don't like nice guys

You don't get brownie points

for treating women like human beings

for not raping them when they're intoxicated

for listening when they talk

or being a shoulder to cry on

You aren't intitled to their body

because you "respect" it

They have no obligation to sleep with you

A real man understands that

//

I don't like nice guys

And if I meet another one,

I'll run the other way

[laknights99]

Me doing my chem hw that is due tomorrow.

[laknights99]

I hate that you do this to me

I sincerely doubt

you're as ignorant as you seem

Stupid, now that I believe

As for everything else

You know exactly what you're doing

You hooked me once

I took the bait

and now you are my greatest mistake

//

If I could go back in time

I'd change everything

For the love of God,

stop saying you love me

You can't possibly love me

You don't fucking know me

//

You put me on this pedestal

Three months, I was a Cool Girl

Spending money like it grows on trees

Letting you do anything

And I'm not innocent

I used you

You aren't innocent

You used me, too

[laknights99]

If I cracked a couple beers

and downed them in succession

They'd give me the nerve I'm missing now

The nerve I had when I was seventeen

and thought I knew everything

When I thought having you would save me

When I needed a prince in shining armor

to ride in on a vallient steed,

take me away,

and give me everything I'd been missing

//

I'm not that person anymore

If you met me on the street,

I doubt you'd recognize me

Because I don't need you anymore

I don't need anyone

Not like that, not like I did

I saved myself

I never needed a prince

//

And if I could speak to you again

I'd thank you for walking away

when I wanted you to stay

I'd thank you for picking up the phone

and telling me no

Because you were right and I was wrong

and I can admit that now

[laknights99]

You cross my mind from time to time

Sometimes I wonder what would happen

if I called you up

tracked you down

said, "Hey, what's goin' on now?"

//

I made a good first impression

and screwed up the rest

I'm sure you'd turn off your phone

if you heard from me again

So I'm writing this

instead of finding your number

I'm flipping coins for answers

rather than taking the risk

[laknights99]

It's been two years since I asked you to dance

When we talked all night

over whiskey and wine

So many little conversations I don't remember

Because I was a little too young

to be drinking that much

A little too young to understand

that that moment wouldn't last

And I got over you

a long time ago,

but today I realized

I haven't let go

[laknights99]

The Heavy

It settles in

Makes itself at home

A parasite

feeding off the same brain that created it

And the only antidote

is being so busy

I'm spinning my wheels

tearing my hair out

Because when the break neck speed

suddenly stops

I'm left high and dry

and my demons come out

[laknights99]

Slipped through my fingers

Why am I writing this?

The Fates have decided

I'll never see you again

and if I do, it'll be too late

I lost my chance

//

I was too drunk

and not drunk enough

Everything I didn't say

Broken record on repeat

What's my lesson now?

How many times will Venus jerk me around?

//

I'm flipping coins for answers

Searching the sky for signs

I know how this ends

I've been here before

The Fates have snipped their thread,

closed another door

//

I don't trust what's happening now

Does he like me, does he not?

Plucking petals off imaginary flowers

One more pseudoscience

not providing answers

[laknights99]

From my novel-in-progress, "You Don't Need to Save Me"

[laknights99]

I love her very much, but my cat is a furry little asshole. She just knocked my last cookie onto the floor and walked away.

[laknights99]

Just finished Supernatural season 13. The ending was unbelievable, except, of course, this isn't the first time a Winchester has been tricked and possessed by an angel. I have faith Dean will return. Anyway, now I'm watching The Conjuring. Alone. And I'm not sure that's a good idea.

[laknights99]

So, I had this dream last night where I walked into Sam's Club and they had this huge display of Supernatural T-shirts, which I got super psyched about. Anyway, I spent the majority of the dream trying to take a selfie with the T-shirt display behind me so I could share my incredible find on Instagram, but the damn camera on my phone wouldn't work right and I'm not really sure what that means.

[laknights99]

Doing some writing. Watching some Supernatural. Throwing back to the Speak Now Era. Being psyched to see @taylorswift perform Aug. 28.