hopedrunk everasking @lambsneck - Tumblr Blog

lmao my emotional regulation is so fucked today, i keep so easily having highs and then being really furious at nothing at all

#fortunately my “furious” is not a big deal 90% of the time #also first psych appt today 🤞

rewatching TNG and it's insane rewatching humanity's first encounter with the Borg. i'd forgotten it was Q who introduced the two species, on a whim, and set them on a collision course. anyway the Borg are SO scary when you know what they're capable of

#it feels a lot like witnessing human colonization as an alien #“here is the empire that never ends. they consist of individuals but nothing can stop their cruelty and destruction”#tng #star trek the next generation #currently watching

it sucks that if you want to get eloquent you have to talk to people or write, why cant i be eloquent inside my own head for free

#pissin me OFF

i'm too sensitive lol

#also i need to stop with Only Venting here #that's not what i want this blog reduced to

went from feeling mentally dead and not in control of my faculties → feeling annoyed and antisocial and not in control of my mental faculties after drinking this cup of coffee

#i've been very reactively emotional the past several days and i don't like it #even tho it's the exact direction of personality change I've been trying for my whole life #this is because i am morally evil and also mad at myself #ugh rant post #in that weird state of mind where I miss all of my friends violently but i know talking to them wouldn't help with it

lambsneck

watching the TNG episode When the Bough Breaks (s01e17) and trying not to cry

lambsneck

"Captain?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"If something happens and you have to leave us here, will you tell my dad that I'm sorry that I made him angry, and that I miss him."

"You will tell him that, Harry. And I will tell him how much I admire his son."

#star trek the next generation #tng #when the bough breaks #currently watching #tv shows

watching the TNG episode When the Bough Breaks (s01e17) and trying not to cry

#tng

from I Will Try to Fix You | Adventuring Party Season 22: Episode 2

#dimension 20 #gladlands #adventuring party #jacob wysocki #oscar montoya #brennan lee mulligan #DnD #dungeons and dragons #d20

wondering if it's time for another partial reread of the Cradle books to restore my sanity...

day #99 of thinking about Cyclops opening portals to the Punch Dimension....

#nature is so beautiful #x men #cyclops #comic books #comics

#songs #music #← i don't remember which tag i usually use #Spotify

something about the crisp winter coldness makes me recklessly masochistic and it feels like a gift of the season

#a blessing rather than a curse y'know

ohhhh i'm too melancholic to catastrophize

#duhhhh #it's the mf numbing effect #lmao i forgot it did that #doesn't work nearly as well when you're aware of it btw #rants

i need to start journaling again tbh. i think that's why i'm going insane lately

#tryna kick this spiral before it consumes me but it's ruff

perhaps it's not entirely mentally healthy that my reaction to thinking someone is mad at me is for me to immediately start making sure i feel bad until the situation is resolved somehow, even if it takes days

#side effect of my muslim upbringing i think #as shitty as my parents are i don't think they were ever aware of me doing this #my brain perceives it as a Rule To Follow so i CAN theoretically break it and stop feeling bad. but it has to be conscious #otherwise if i accidentally stop bullying myself and realize i stopped it resumes even worse #interesting stuff tbh #mental health

i don't feel like a person today

#this will pass

finally started Stormlight Archive 5: Wind and Truth, and now i'm even MORE pissed off at Sanderson for the fuckass title. not only is "Wind and Truth" shit compared to previous ones (The Way of Kings, Words of Radiance, Oathbringer, Rhythm of War), but the internal book it references is called Knights of Wind and Truth, which is a WAY better title!!! what the fuck is wrong with you!! why didn't you use that one!!!

#prologue was good but rushed #this does NOT feel well edited #ugh #brandon sanderson #stormlight archive spoilers #wind and truth spoilers

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